The Daily Okie

An Old Favorite

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 19:01:00 +0000

I am so sorry, dear readers, to have been gone so long. I have many updates to provide, which I will be posting over the next week or two. Lots of news, lots of good stuff.

But first, since the holiday season is upon us again, I wanted to start off by posting something wonderful, an old favorite of mine from our friends at Saturday Night Live. I hope you will enjoy this classic as much as I do.

Check back again soon...more coming as soon as I can get it up on this thing.

Being Part Of A Small Piece Of History

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 22:33:00 +0000

In Oklahoma, football is king. Always has been...in fact, Oklahomans have been playing football for longer than Oklahoma has been a state. OU played its first football game (and the only game of that season) against the Oklahoma City team on November 7, 1895. The next year, OU played the squad from Norman High School. So in 1896, eleven years before statehood, there were at least three football teams: Oklahoma City, Norman High School, and the University of Oklahoma. Undoubtedly, there were more. We play regular 11-man, of course, but we also have at least 78 schools that play 8-man football. One of those 78 is a very-small-town school southwest of Oklahoma City, Gracemont. Gracemont is something special, because in spite of the school's existing for over 100 years, Gracemont has never fielded a football team. In fact, most of Gracemont's starters had never touched a football in an organized game or even organized practice prior to two months ago.

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This past Friday night, Gracemont played its first varsity football home game ever. They played a scrappy squad from Riverfield Country Day School, a small independent school in the country-suburban area of west Tulsa. The Gracemont folks obviously have a lot of pride in their new team, as evidenced by the huge turnout, and the fact that nearly everyone in attendance wore their blue "Year 1" shirts for the game. The atmosphere was incredible...both teams worked together to unfurl a huge 40-foot-long American flag that they held and fluttered during the National Anthem (if you look at the video in the link above, you'll be able to see it in action). The clock operator and announcer were both obviously new, not knowing all the officials' signals or understanding exactly what calls were being made when. But it was an exciting experience. From the opening prayer (remember, small-town Oklahoma football) to the final play, it was special; historic, in its own small way.

How do I know all of this? I was there. I had the honor and privilege of officiating this game, at the back judge spot. It was special for me, because it was only the second varsity game I have officiated, and my first of this season. But it was made even better by the special status and atmosphere of this game. I wish I could tell you that this story had a Cinderella ending, and that Gracemont fought hard and beat Riverfield. Unfortunately, that would not be the truth. Gracemont's players showed a lot of heart, but in the end, they lost, as they did with their program's first-ever game the week before, an away game at tiny Waynoka. In fact, thanks to the 45-point mercy rule used in Oklahoma 8-man football, we were finished a mere two minutes into the third quarter. But that didn't seem to matter as much to the hometown folks, who were just thrilled to be there, in that place, for that game, just like I was.

In officiating, you get some interesting experiences that you would never get anywhere else: watching some very exciting games from the best seat in the house, being in close proximity celebrities, watching the Sports Stars of Tomorrow as they grow into their potential. But every once in a while, you get to be part of something great, something better than the average game. I am just thrilled and honored that I was able to be part of it. I'm not trying to make it out to be some amazing thing, something earth-shattering; but to those players, and to the people of Gracemont, it was momentous, something they'll remember for the rest of their lives and beyond. I got to be a small part of that. And THAT is what it's all about.

Important Message to Oklahoma Drivers

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 15:01:00 +0000

Your car comes from the factory with turns signals installed. They are a truly wonderful advance in the annals of motoring; they let you easily communicate your intentions to other drivers! (Due to the limitations of humanity, other drivers are not capable of reading your mind and thus anticipating your changes of direction, you see.) I highly recommend you use them. Use them when you're going to turn left. Use them when you're going to turn right. Use them even when you're going to change lanes! They are so, so simple, and well worth the extra $25 you paid for them to be installed by the manufacturer.

Youtube Of The Day

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 19:24:00 +0000

Today's Football Joke (in honor of Heidi, who got this via Facebook from a friend):

The Red Cross in Stillwater has revised its tornado warning procedures. For absolute safety in the event of a tornado warning, all citizens are instructed to proceed immediately to T. Boone Pickens Stadium...as there's no chance of a touchdown there.

Today's YotD comes courtesy of my sister Misty, who sends along this hilarious video:

Hope ya'll enjoyed that one as much as I did.

So Long, Bob

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 15:50:00 +0000

Bob Barry Sr. will retire as the voice of OU football after this season.

I've got very mixed feelings on this. Let's get the more negative stuff out of the way first. Bob has been slipping for several years, a clear sign of his age. He would regularly miss players' names and mis-call the occasional play, or stumble over his call. Also, while I enjoyed his radio calls, he is nowhere near my favorite Sooner play-by-play man...that honor goes to the great John Brooks, the man who I essentially grew up with as the weekly voice of the Sooners.

However, it cannot be denied that Bob Barry Sr. is an Oklahoma legend. He did OU football for many years, in two stints. He fit a brief period as the OSU play-by-play man, then came back to OU, his alma mater. He did a great job for OU's games, and while he's not my favorite, I still always enjoyed his calls (even when he made mistakes). He was quick and always capable, and had a great voice. Plus, the fact that he's a local guy made a difference for me; another "hometown boy makes good" story, and I love those with Oklahoma guys. In the bigger media markets, you always get these ambitious outsiders who see the job they do as just one stop on their career path. Life's different here, though, and it's great having guys like Bob, who are from here and want to build up their home, rather than just taking their first opportunity to get out and move on to something "bigger". Finally, Bob Barry Sr. started doing OU games in 1961...during Bud Wilkinson's tenure as OU's head coach. Bud Wilkinson. Consider that for a moment as you think about his career...essentially, Bob has done games during the time of two of Oklahoma's four greatest head coaches (and probably would have done games during Barry Switzer's time as well, just with odd timing putting his last season of his initial time as OU's radio man as the last season before Switzer moved up to head coach). He's a legend.

Now the question will be, who takes over? For many Sooner fans, the spot of play-by-play man is just as important as the head coach. We want someone great, someone capable, and someone who makes the games that much greater. We want someone who will make us want to turn off the TV guys so we can get the radio call. The Oklahoman is reporting on several possible replacements, but none of them really blow my skirt up. Of course, to be honest, I probably want the job as badly as anyone. (Broadcasting background? Radio experience? PSHAW...I can do that job.) It has been my secret dream to one day be the radio play-by-play voice of Oklahoma Sooner football. Maybe I'll at least send in a tape.

HOLY COW! A MUSINGS POST!

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 14:27:00 +0000

I haven't done a "musings" post in a while, but I'm kind of pressed for time and I have a lot of little things to say so I felt it would be best for this post. (Besides, I needed to post something, since I hadn't put anything up in several days.)

My very tiny inner chef has come out recently, as I have made my favorite Italian dish, Chicken Piccata, twice in the past week. And it was actually tasty and not screwed up. Those of you who know me, know that I'm not much of a cook. I can follow directions OK and usually make it out of the kitchen alive, but I'm not exactly Mario Batali or Bobby Flay. So actually succeeding in making such a tasty dish was a point of great pride and pleasure for me.

Tonight officially starts the football season for me! I had some youth league games last Friday night, so I suppose in terms of actual official paid work, that was it. But my first school games are tonight, at Norman North High School. I am really looking forward to it. This season has been huge for me so far, and it continues to get bigger. I am really having to work my butt off, because not only am I getting back in for my second season, but I have the coordinators pushing me hard to move up, and I already have at least 4 varsity games scheduled as a sub for guys who will be out! For a second-year guy, that's huge. Plus, I'm learning other positions, specifically the back judge position, and so there's that much more I'm having to cram into my head. But things are going well...in fact, I'm really amazed and thrilled at how well things are going for me in football. I hope I am able to keep this momentum going. Again, it just means I have to keep working my butt off to stay on top of it all (and not screw up too much).

We are having a lot of challenges with the kids. Our lives are not terribly routine...we have a great deal going on and so we aren't able to provide a definite, set time for dinner, or baths, or bed, for example. That makes it difficult to get the kids into a good routine, and small children thrive on routine. So not having that is causing us issues. For example, Owen is boycotting naps. This is upping his cranky level to 11, and it's making things difficult for Heidi. To make matters that much more challenging, Heidi is trying to get her new day routine set, with school starting and her home daycare kids finally getting enrolled. So there is a great deal of change at home and it's making things difficult for everyone. Throw in my being gone more for my football officiating, and it's certainly a rough time for us all. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we try to get things settled down.

Also, Donovan is struggling right now. He's not motivated to do anything, he is combative and argumentative all the time, and he doesn't even have much drive in playing football. Heidi and I are about at the end of our rope with him, because we are just running out of options as to how to keep him under control and going. Again, pray for us all.

I haven't had time to mention it, but I sold the Bronco. I didn't want to, and I would still like to get another one eventually, but I also needed something I knew was going to be dependable. As much as I loved it, the Bronco just wasn't being dependable enough for me. Mom and Dad had a 1994 BMW 325i convertible that was mostly sitting around doing nothing. They've been toying with the idea of selling it for quite a while, but I think the issue is that they just love it too much and didn't really WANT to sell it. So instead, they're selling it to me. That sort of gives them the best of both worlds. It's got 184K miles on it, but it was also maintained by my parents for the past 7-8 years, meaning that it has religiously had oil changes and all the good preventive maintenance mechanically that cars need. I've been through the receipts and seen all that they have done, and for a car of its age and mileage, it's in surprisingly good shape. I have some things I will be doing to make it better, and to keep it in great shape, of course. I do have to say this: if you ever have the opportunity to get a nice convertible, and drive to work on a beautiful sunny morning with the top down, DO IT. It is an experience not to be missed, and it certainly provides a great start to the day. I'll get some pics up of it later, when I have a chance to do so.

That's all for now. I'll have some more coming later.

More Tron Legacy

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 14:02:00 +0000

A new trailer is up:

It just keeps getting better and better. I have maintained to many folks I know that if you are an IT person, watching the original Tron is a requirement. This one might be even better.

The New New Hotness

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 04:06:00 +0000

I've already talked about the 2011 Ford Mustang GT. It's got the brand-spaking new "Coyote" 302 (ACTUAL 5.0L) V8 engine. I want one.

Well..........................then they came out this this.

The 2012 Ford Mustang Boss 302. Even though it's available in three color combinations, I LOVE how they got the Grabber Orange with Black from the original model is one of those options (and the option I would be choosing for mine.) Just for fun, here's a teaser vid of the thing.

For those of you unfamiliar with Mustang lore, the original Boss 302 was produced in the 1969 and 1970 model years. The 1969 Boss 302 is (or was) my all-time, numero-uno favorite dream car. Here's a pic of one tear-assing around a track at the 2009 Goodwood Festival of Speed (photo credit Jarod Carruthers, via Jalopnik).

One of these days, I'm gonna have MY OWN hot cars to take pictures of. Instead, I just troll the Internet and look at pictures taken by other photographers of other people's hot cars.

This Needs No Further Comment

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 15:13:00 +0000

"Shut Up! You Can't Sing The National Anthem Here!"

And we wonder why Americans are so unhappy with government these days.

Astronomical Events and Other Space Matters

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 15:09:00 +0000

You might not know this (mostly because I've never talked about it), but I'm a big space fan. If I had the money lying around, I'd put together my own ship and go myself. I love everything about space...the idea of going...the drive for a new frontier...even just looking. If any of you are space fans, too, make sure you check out something that you might not notice or even hear about, that is happening this summer. Namely, the very close conjunction of the planets Mars, Venus, and Saturn. I heard about this happening very early this summer, and I've been watching the three planets dance together, sometimes with the Moon involved, for several weeks. You can read details on this at Space.com here. They were at their closest (from our perspective) two nights ago, but they're still very close and you'll still be able to see them if you look off to the west not too long after sunset. Venus is easy to spot (evening star and all that, you know) but after twilight is gone, you'll also spot Mars and Saturn without too much difficulty forming a triangle with Venus. (I also recommend the program Stellarium to assist you with star- and planet-spotting...it's FREE, and your kids will love it. Oh, and also check out Celestia...also free, and a really cool way to get your kids into space, as you fly around the solar system and even around the galaxy. Owen absolutely LOVES this program. Since we don't have warp drive yet, this is the best we're going to be able to do.)

This doesn't happen very often, and won't again in our lifetimes, so go out and enjoy it while you can.

And So, It Begins

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 18:52:00 +0000

Today is a momentous day...it is Meet The Sooners Day, which also signifies the traditional start of OU's fall preseason practices. As a Sooner fan, I am thrilled about our prospects this year and very excited to see how things begin to shake out here in the preseason. We've got some good buzz going so far, and I think that we're going to have a great season. In fact, I'm going on record right now to say that I fully believe we will beat Texas this year. That's right, I am predicting a Sooner win against Texas. One more time...OU WILL BEAT TEXAS THIS YEAR. In fact, I am so confident that OU will beat Texas this year, that I am trying to plan out a way for Heidi and I to go down to see the game. I've never been to OU-Texas before, and I certainly want to go to see a win. I am fully convinced that this is the year for it to happen.

But that's not all. I've already had football meetings and such, for my own new season of officiating, going strong for two weeks. In fact, three weeks ago I went and worked at the big 7-on-7 tournament up at the Edmond schools. That was great, and a big confidence boost. I'm looking at a real possibility of semi-regular varsity work as a fill-in this season, and also at getting on a full-time crew for next season at the end of the year.

Let me explain a little bit. I don't remember if I've talked about this before, but when you start as an official, of course, you do "easier" low-level games, like youth league and junior high. In baseball, you're only working a two-man crew (one behind the plate, one on the bases) in every game, regardless of whether it's 1st-year kid pitch or high school varsity (or even junior college). So you just kind of float around and work with whoever the assigners put you with. Football is different, though; in youth league ball, you run a three-man crew: you have two "wing" officials, the line judge and head linesman, and a referee, or "white hat". Next time you watch a college or NFL game, or even a high-school varsity game, you'll understand why he's called that. So you get put with whoever the assigners pick, just like baseball. Junior-high and JV games use a four-man crew: the three guys mentioned before, plus an umpire. (In fact, go here for the basic names of the seven different available positions for football officials.)

In varsity, though, you work a five-man crew, and you really are a crew. Crews are teams who stick together from season to season. You do all of your football-officiating-related stuff with the guys on your crew. You take rules tests together. You sit together at association and rules meetings. You go out to eat together. In a big-time game, your only friends are the other guys in the striped shirts, and you have to have each others' backs. You end up spending a lot of time together during the football season, so you really build relationships there. Some crews have been together for 10 or 15 years, and only lose guys if someone retires.

Being part of a crew is a big deal, as it means you've really "arrived" as a football official. Some guys go their entire career and never make it to a crew, but spend all their time in youth-league and sub-varsity work. Others work on crews but never move off of a crew that does anything more than low-level varsity like 8-man, class C, B, A, 2A, or 3A. The really good guys eventually end up on crews that do the heavy-duty stuff, the 4A/5A/6A varsity and (you hope) get to work the state playoffs and championship games every once in a while. Finally, being on a varsity crew not only means you're at the top of your game, but also that you're making more money. You're working Friday nights, which you almost never do when you work only sub-varsity and youth league, unless you're filling in. And varsity ball pays about 50% more even than JV pays. So obviously, your first goal as a new football official is to get on a crew.

Oh...and I nearly forgot to mention the most critical part: getting on a crew is basically by invitation only. You don't get assigned to a crew, and you certainly don't ever ASK to be on a crew. You have to be seen by veteran guys, and not only that, but you have to be seen as a good official by veteran guys. You do this by working as much sub-varsity as you can, where you're working with other veteran officials, so that those veterans can see you, get to know you, and see how good you are. You also go to observe their varsity games, so that they can see you're interested (plus, they get to know you that much more, which is always good). They might also call you to fill in, if one guy on the crew has an emergency or simply can't make a specific game for some reason. My one varsity game last year, an 8-man game in tiny Kremlin, OK, I got to work that game because because I had worked with the guys on the crew and they had a slot open that night while the usual guy was out with an injury. The point is, they have to see you, they have to like you, and they have to remember you, so that when they have an opening they'll say, "Hey, why don't we call Chris Mallow? He's a darn good official and would be a great fit for our crew." I've already had some subtle initial interest, and the assigners are mentioning that there's a 95% chance that I'll be on a crew next year (in fact, that chance was why I got to work the 7-on-7 tournament at all, because that's usually only reserved for veterans).

So this is a big, big year for me, and I need to work my butt off for it so that I don't end up making that 95% chance a 50% or even a 0% chance.

You might recall how last year, I basically gave up blogging during the football season, primarily because I was so busy doing football stuff. I even put the DO on temporary hiatus. However, this past baseball season was twice as busy for me as last season's football was, and I still managed to get in regular posts, so I definitely plan to keep that going. Being an official in football has a lot of similarities to being an umpire in baseball, obviously...but there is also a lot of contrast that make the entire game and attitude of football a completely different experience (like the crew aspect mentioned above). I'll touch on some of the similarities and differences as we go, so please keep on reading.

Open Letter to Dora

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 18:15:00 +0000

I've mentioned my feelings on kids' TV programming before, and while I am generally positive about it, there are a few shows I'm not that into. However, this post really sums my feelings up pretty well:

Dear Dora, We Need To Talk

Heidi sent me this a few days ago, and I've been meaning to post it here, and I just kept getting sidetracked from it.

The Geekiest Thing I Have Ever Seen

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 13:50:00 +0000

...and I've known lots of geeks, been a geek myself for quite a while, and have seen some truly geeky things. But THIS...

Mythbusters' Adam Savage...

Singing "I Will Survive"...

In the voice of Gollum from Lord of the Rings...

Accompanied by a guitar-playing Wookiee.

If THAT isn't geeky, I don't know what is. (Thanks to Chong, who of course attended the w00tstock 2.4 where this was done, which incidentally was during Comic-con...I said it was geeky.)

18 Months Today!

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:41:00 +0000

GO JULIANNA!!! YAAAAYYY!!!

That pic above is from early April, but it is really representative of her. She's growing incredibly quickly...super-mobile, fearless, loves the water, talks like crazy, ultra-willful. She's a firecracker...I can see she's going to be quite a handful as she gets older.

With pigtails...isn't she awesome?

She's a true Oklahoma girl...loves the water and loves to swim.

Most importantly, she loves spending time with her daddy.

Here It Is, The Real Deal

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 19:52:00 +0000

You've been to the concerts...you've heard the music. Now, here's the REAL THING, and you can own it yourself...an original REO Speed Wagon! Didn't think you'd ever see one, did you?

No, it's not mine...but this was a humorous addition to my day. Who knew that the group whose name has become synonymous with "power ballad", who became known for hauling heavy emotion, originated from something that had some power itself and hauled other things regularly? Hope you like it!

When You Need A Sentry Gun

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 13:51:00 +0000

You know, a sentry gun you can use in case you're concerned about aliens or something. Aliens that are killed by paintballs.

Try one of these out. And enjoy a full demo video below.

Good times.

Youtube Of The Day

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 20:18:00 +0000

First, there was Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Now, there's this:

and this is MUCH better.

Blog Post Of The Day

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 12:59:00 +0000

Courtesy of my wonderful wife Heidi, here's a wonderful post that any parents out there will immediately identify with. It's titled, "Why Having A Toddler Is Like Being At A Frat Party." Enjoy!

Youtube Of The Day

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 18:50:00 +0000

Via Instapundit:

It's all about you and your Johnson, especially with your girl. Your kids, though...maybe not so much.

Big Step Forward for Katie

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:02:00 +0000

I have had the benefit of witnessing many Big Steps Forward for my children in the past year. Owen starting preschool (THAT was a big day) and memorizing the names of the planets (and even individual moons of Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn)...Julianna walking everywhere and saying actual words that communicate with us...Donovan's first full season of tackle football...Connor's emergence toward adolescence and all of the things that brings, such as a rabid interest in comic books and sci-fi that we can share.

This week, we had Katie here all week, so she had her own Big Step Forward. She's 15 now, and so we started driving lessons in earnest this week. We had a brief one during her time here last summer, but it was mostly focused on just learning steering, brakes, and gas. This time, we started working on a little more...and expanding her horizons and pushing the envelope a little bit. Here's her test from her lesson this past Tuesday night:

Then, for yesterday, I got two longer videos, as she did her little tests for me. Here's the first, with her completely on her own.

This last one is in-car, for the full experience.

Good job, Katie! We're proud of you! Keep working hard on it and you'll get to drive on your own some time soon.

Oklahoma Summer

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 17:18:00 +0000

Now THIS is the Oklahoma summer that I remember:

As you all recall, I've been on vacation. I've also been outside a little bit, taking care of some things in the garage and with the Bronco. And it has been HOT. Heidi has also been saying how hot it is, and she's been out more than I have.

But this little pic, courtesy of Channel 9's weather area, demonstrates what summer here is like. Hot, repeatedly hot, and with mild nights. This is the Oklahoma summer that I love so much...swimming weather during the day, cool weather to go out and have fun at night. When I was younger...but I won't get into that.

We're going to Pelican Bay water park in Edmond tomorrow, a slightly smaller version of White Water Bay. It will be nice.

When The System Doesn't Work

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 18:37:00 +0000

We'll all raised from birth to live within The System...at least, to a degree. Civilization is an ordered system. Systems increase productivity by simplifying otherwise-difficult tasks, or by organizing needed information for easy common access. Humanity is dependent on systems of varying kinds, and spends a great deal of time working on the design, maintenance, and improvement of the various systems it has created. Just consider for a moment, the wondrous variety and complexity of the systems we have created: food distribution systems, financial systems, credit systems, knowledge systems, educational systems, transportation systems, governmental systems.

And yet, all too often, even when well-designed and maintained, those systems fail miserably at what they're supposed to do. There are number of reasons for these failures. One is that systems are not only very good at increasing productivity of human beings, they are also excellent at encouraging their human users to quit thinking. A few years back, when we were having our deep financial difficulties, I ran into a myriad of problems getting my creditors to work with me, and it was nearly always because "the system won't let me do that". If I had a dollar for every time I heard that while I was trying to negotiate with them to get things under control...well, I wouldn't have needed to negotiate because I could've paid everything off. (It was funny how The System tells you that, if you have trouble, the first thing you do is contact your creditors to get them to work with you...even that part of The System failed me.) I even had one creditor, a company I had been dealing with repeatedly for over 5 years, tell me that they couldn't do anything for me because my account was not old enough (i.e., "my System won't let me help you.") In short, none of these people could get past their individual System...meaning that, even if I told them, "I'm going to be considering bankruptcy," it didn't phase them. In fact, none of them were able to turn their brains back on until I called them to notify them that I ACTUALLY HAD filed bankruptcy...and by then it was too late.

I didn't write this post to complain about those systems, though...that's all water under the bridge. I actually wrote this post to talk about the Bronco. You will recall that in my last post, I mentioned my struggles with how to move forward. I love the Bronco very much and don't want to part with it. However, in spite of its obvious utility for me, it is not an economical car. This isn't a huge issue, but I WOULD like to maybe save a little money, you know? As with any old car, I can either spend more money on preventative maintenance, not only oil changes and such but also the replacement of aged components, or I can wait for these various things to fail and replace them after the fact. And usually, those things are not small-ticket items when replacement time comes.

On Monday, though, the decision was made for me. We went to a dealership in the hopes of finding a suitable replacement. I even had one picked out. However, we've all heard the stories of how lending has dried up (unless you have pristine credit). I ran into this reality firsthand, as I was informed that while the dealer used to have a couple of banks that would lend to those in Chapter 13 plans such as myself, those banks are no longer doing so. So, with no suitable capacity to borrow, and with no interest in going to a "Buy Here, Pay Here" place to pick up a plain-jane sedan (why don't I just throw the towel in altogether and get another minivan?) or pick-up truck (if I were going for one of those, I wouldn't be dumping the Bronco anyway).

So I gave up and decided to just start fixing it. First order of business: the busted tailgate window. This is obviously a key, since a back window that won't close properly in the middle of an Oklahoma summer (when thunderstorms are still common) is not a good thing. So the focus of the past couple of days was replacing that bad motor. This is, interestingly enough, not a difficult job. First, you open the tailgate and remove the tailgate access cover, which is on the top/inward-facing portion of the tailgate. Then you pull the window up all the way so it's out of the way, making sure to prop it up with something so that its weight doesn't mess up the regulator or anything. Take out the three bolts holding the motor in place, unplug the motor, and remove. "Installation is reverse of removal" (a standard line from any number of auto-related shop manuals). The whole job would normally take 45-60 minutes, mostly because the access is so tight inside the tailgate itself. I looked online and found several suitable replacements but decided to go with Autozone because they actually had one in stock at a local store, meaning I wouldn't have to wait a couple of days and/or pay for shipping (The Internet is awesome for buying but if you want something quick the premiums are pretty high. So that means you're paying a lot, or you're waiting a week or more to get what you ordered. I hate waiting, and I hate paying extra, so I will almost always take a local option if it exists and isn't negated by extra cost. In this case, not only did Autozone have it in stock, but it was $50, the same price I found it online, so I would get it cheap AND quickly. Win-win.)

And here's where the Autozone System comes in. They specified a window motor to replace the one I had, and so that's what I got. I got home with it, though, to find that the orientation of the motor was not correct. The original motor bolts on and points to the passenger side of the vehicle, while the replacement I got wanted to bolt on but point to the passenger side. This would seem to be OK except that the center crossmember inside the tailgate was in the way. So even though the Autozone System said this is the correct replacement, it obviously was NOT, because it did not fit correctly. So, slightly frustrated, I did a little more research in Autozone's online system and found that the next part number up was an identical motor but with the opposite orientation, pointing the same way as the original. (It also, oddly enough, is exactly $4 more than the specified replacement, even though it is identical in every way except its orientation of installation.) So I drove back to Autozone, specified the replacement, swapped it out, paid the extra $4, and went home fully believing that all would be well.

Except, as you might guess from the tone of that last sentence, it wasn't well. The new motor was absolutely correct. BUT...the body of the part around the mounting holes and gear were plastic and slightly bigger and beefier than the original. Within the tight confines of the Bronco's tailgate, this meant that the part was correct, but did not fit in the area of the mounting bracket because it had...well, too much girth. Also, one of the three mounting holes was out of place, by about a quarter inch. At this point, I was getting angry, and mostly because Autozone's system failed in TWO ways: first, it specified a part of the incorrect fit, and second, it did that TWICE (incorrect orientation and incorrect size for mounting). This demonstrates a key issue that leads to the failure of many systems: the old adage we computer geeks know as "Garbage In, Garbage Out". The system will only report what it's told to report. The Autozone System was told that this part would correctly and successfully replace the tailgate window motor of a 1986 Ford Bronco. I had just proved that this was not the case.

So who told it that it would? Most likely, someone who simply went by some sort of Ford part number interchange list. You see, not all parts are unique to all cars; automakers don't like making different versions of things to do the same thing across different models. So they'll often use a successful design for a large number of models over several years. So the tailgate window motor in my Bronco is actually nearly identical to the electric window motors that Ford used in many of its vehicles in the same time, not just tailgates, but door windows as well. Also, third-party manufacturers will build parts for the automakers to use in their models, and they might sell the same part to several different automakers, who all use this part in their cars. An example of this was, when I had the 1998 Zebra Land Rover Discovery all those years ago, the fuel pump went out. A good friend of mine at the time, who had a 1997 Discovery and also was having fuel pumps issues, discovered that the fuel pump it used was identical to that used in a late-90s Chevy Impala. It was expensive to get one listed as a Land Rover part (around $300) but cheap to get the SAME PUMP listed as an Impala part (about $90). This is good news, because it means parts can be plentiful and thus easy to get when you need them. Try this same thing with an Opel or Peugeot or Fiat...you're walking into some VERY rough territory there. Parts interchange is a key thing for DIY guys like me...until someone screws it up, like they did here. This happens a lot, actually; I had a similar situation with the replacement flywheel I bought for the Mustang. The one I originally ordered from O'Reilly actually did not fit, in spite of the fact that their System said it was a correct part for my make and model. I ordered a different flywheel at Advance Auto Parts, and that one was correct. The newer system thus failed because the older interchange system failed by listing the part incorrectly for my application, and no "expert" ever bothered to verify in the real world if a part that is listed for a specific application would actually work in that specific application. In other words, the "experts" stopped thinking, because the System seemed to make thinking obsolete in that area. This is discouraging because interchange system failures thus complicate the budgeting and repair processes. If even the "experts" can't give you the right information because of their System, how are you going to get it right? Instead, since I'm the one who is actually thinking here, I end up solving my own problems outside of the System. Humanity may eventually die because it becomes too dependent on its Systems and ends up turning its brain off altogether. Is it any wonder why we still value "outside-the-box thinking" (i.e., thinking outside of the bounds of The System) so highly?

To demonstrate this final point, how did I solve my problem? Well, as I said, the body of the gear area on the motor were plastic...molded plastic, and a lot of it. So, I just took my air tools shaved off a substantial amount of plastic, taking care not to hit anything vital. I shaped it to as close to the original as the layout would allow, and drilled a new mounting hole in the correct place to fit the old mounting hole, and got it to go in correctly. And now the tailgate works even better than before. DIY WIN!!

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 16:01:00 +0000

I'm on vacation. Not from the blog or anything specific...just vacation. After The last three weeks of long night of baseball games, and crazy-insane stuff going at work, and Julianna sick and teething, and Owen sick off and on, and all this after pushing myself really hard with baseball since the beginning of March....

I REALLY needed a vacation.

So I took one. I'm off of work and baseball (in fact, baseball season is pretty much over) and most things until next Monday. I'll still do a little blogging, because I don't consider this work...usually. But I'm definitely not going to be working. I'll do some stuff around the house, and I'll do stuff with the kids, and just generally take it easy.

Also, I might end up getting a new car to replace the Bronco. This last one isn't because I'm tired of it, which I'm not. It's mostly because the Bronco makes me nervous, and I really don't have the time, money, or patience to try to keep it going. The drivetrain is all fine; the engine still acts up from time to time but it runs and doesn't give me too much grief. But there ARE a lot of things that need to be replaced. For example, just about two weeks ago, just in time for the rain, the tailgate window decided to start acting up. As in, not going up and down reliably with the motor. This means I would need a replacement motor and drive gear. This isn't terribly expensive...less than $100 total with shipping and all...but I'd also need time to do the replacement myself, and it's somewhat time-consuming. Plus, I'd rather not spend the $100 if I can avoid it. However, obviously, one of the most important parts of the Bronco, the cargo area, is largely unavailable to me through the primary access because of this fault. So if I'm keeping the Bronco, this will need to be replaced. The Bronco also has needed a great deal of the weatherstripping replaced for quite some time as well. This would run about $300 for a full kit to replace it all. It also needs a new windshield, since that's cracked in two places and one of those cracks is non-trivial. Throw in another $185 for that. It needs shocks badly, and will need tires soon. The body is pretty rust-free for a truck of its vintage, but it is getting some bad rust at the bottom of the tailgate, so that needs to be replaced some time...and of course, body replacement also means painting. That's probably around $800 for that entire project. AND the tailgate window needs to be replaced because the tailgate window weatherstrips have become dry-hardened over time and have actually etched slightly into the glass. I have gotten a quote for this of nearly $300. Finally, there's 178,000 miles on this engine and transmission, so I have to keep that in the back of my mind.

Does all this bother me? Obviously it does, but not because there's so much that needs to be done. The problem for me is that we have three vehicles: the 2004 Ford Freestar minivan that is Heidi's primary driver, the Bronco, and the Mustang. I love the Bronco and would love to keep it. However, to keep it, I would need to be bringing in enough money to be able to fix all of these niggling issues. None of them is a show-stopper, but driving it around with these problems is troubling to me. Plus, we've been having a lot of issues with the minivan lately, and I don't want to be having to put tons of money into all three of our vehicles. Within the past two months alone, we have spent over $1600 on repairs between just the Bronco (new brakes) and the Freestar (PCV tube replacement, busted A/C partial repair). Considering that, if those issues had not come up, that amount of money would've gotten the Mustang back on the road with the rebuilt engine and new tires, having to constantly spend all this extra money on two vehicles that I like A LOT less than my Mustang is really frustrating to me, and has been a real bone of contention over the past few months. I have not liked working my butt off so we could have some extra money to do things we WANT to do, then having to spend all that extra on things we DON'T want to do, like maintain two busted vehicles. Yes, yes, I know..."Chris, you should be thankful you had that extra money to handle these issues as they came up." Yes, I am...but if I can simplify the car situation and get rid of something that does very well at sucking away all that extra money, I'll be much happier.

Besides, if I'm going to be spending money on a car, why not just get a good used car for under $10K, and effectively amortize out what I'd be spending on the Bronco, anyway? AND have the benefit of driving a vehicle that I don't have to worry nearly as much about?

So I'm looking at a nice small hatchback, something like a Ford Focus, a Hyundai Accent, a Honda Civic, a VW Golf, a Mazda3...that sort of thing. We'll see how it goes. Given our financial past, I might not be able to make it work right now, anyway...in which case this whole discussion is moot and I just have to swallow it all and deal with it. (It certainly wouldn't be the first time in the past few years that I've had to just deal with what life has given me, with no short-term hope of improvement. Heidi and I are kind of getting used to that, to be honest.)

So wish me luck! Of course, when the situation works itself out, there will be a nice blog post about it.

What, Age?

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 02:39:00 +0000

I found an interesting contrast in the ideas of "adults" regarding the rights, abilities, and developmental levels of "children". (I am using quotes on both of those words for a very specific reason, as you will see shortly.) First, one of the car blogs I read regularly, The Truth About Cars, had a post regarding the legal driving age:

Ask The Best And Brightest: Driving Age At 16?

Don't quote me statistics...it is conventional wisdom that driving is a relatively high-risk activity for people of any age, and that it is more high-risk for teen drivers. This page claims that 1 in 3 deaths of teenagers is motor-vehicle-related, which translates to 11 teenagers dying in car wrecks every day. Now, I don't know about you, but I took basics statistics in college, and so when I am presented with any sort of statistic on anything, I usually try to find out if the statistic is meaningfully used in the discussion at hand. I was going to write a long, detailed review of the numbers, doing a little of my own math against the US population at large, to see if the stats I presented above were meaningful. (Short answer: they are, sort of...the fatality rate is slightly greater for the teen population against the population at large, but not to an alarming degree. Also notice that the above stats don't specify how many teens die who aren't driving or when a "qualified" adult is driving. You can do the math yourself: just calculate the percentage of motor-vehicle-related teen fatalities against the total teen population, then figure the percentage of all US motor-vehicle-related fatalities against the entire US population. All the demographic stats are easy to find.)

The commenters to the post above mention all sorts of things to bolster their argument that 16-year-olds aren't ready to drive, saying they don't have the mental development yet, and of course, the standard argument of immaturity. I take issue with these comments, considering that teens have been depended on by their families for years in doing such complex things as driving tractors, planting and harvesting, and other difficult and strenuous tasks. One hundred years ago, a boy was expected to do a man's work at 14 or 15, and was equal to the task. Teens were often married and having kids just as early (we'll get back to this key point later).

Here's how I see it. I started "driving" when I was about 7, when Grandpa let me drive his golf cart around his yard. He and Grandma lived on just over an acre, so they had plenty of room for me to drive it around. Not too long after, I was chauffeuring him around the golf course during his daily morning round during my school vacations, with him giving me important tips on how to keep the thing under control. (His most important lesson was the one where he taught me not to use my left foot on the brake while my right foot was on the gas. Unless you're a racer, you'll almost never need to do that.) Mom and Dad got me my own motor scooter when I was about 10, and I drove it around our neighborhood quite a bit (as you might imagine, riding that thing was a favorite pastime of mine). So by the time I actually got behind the wheel of a full-size motor vehicle, I already had several years of basic driving experience under my belt. I took drivers' ed the summer between my sophomore and junior years, right after I had gotten my learner's permit. (The most important lessons I learned in drivers' ed? 1. Always think ahead, and 2. it's good to actually look over your shoulder to check your blind spot, rather than just using your mirrors.) Mom and Dad let me drive somewhat regularly with them, just around town near our house. On my 16th birthday just a few months later, Dad called me in at school, and as soon as I was up and around, he took me straight to the testing station. I already had my permit, so I didn't have to take the written exam; I just got in line straightaway for my driving test. I took it, and I passed with a 78%. I'm still quite proud that I passed on my first try. I had some minor fender-benders in parking lots but I never did anything stupid when I drove. We didn't have cell phones, and so it actually was much easier to stay focused on driving than it is today, in my opinion. Even when I had friends in the car with me, I managed to stay focused on driving.

The point being, I didn't get killed by driving. None of my friends got killed by driving. I went to high school with 549 other people in my class alone, and at least that many in each of the classes around me, and I knew NO ONE who was killed in a car wreck. There were lots of kids just like me; they were either riding motorcycles or go-karts, or driving golf carts, or doing other kinds of things to get basic driving skills. When the time came, they weren't totally unprepared for the driving experience. In my entire life, I've only known one family personally who lost a teen in a wreck, and the mom was the one driving; she went into a skid and lost control during a strong thunderstorm and crossed the median into oncoming traffic. I know of another instance here locally, the daughter of a friend of my cousin, whose teenager was killed in a wreck out in Tuttle. The wreck was not their fault. So for me, personal experience and knowledge does not bear out the stats above.

I have found that teens often will rise (or fall) to the expectations they are given, and to the level of guidance they are provided. I took Katie out for her first driving lesson last summer. Normally, I would not have thought about this, as she can be very flighty and non-serious. But she was deeply engaged in our lesson, took it very seriously, and worked very hard to do as she was instructed. In short, at 14, she showed great maturity and made me proud (and showed good skills by the time we were done). This would indicate to me that she would take it sufficiently seriously, and besides, no teenager is going to learn to drive except by actually driving. Driving is like anything else; until you're behind the wheel, you really can't get the experience.

Are there kids who will get killed in car wrecks? Sure. There are people or every age who are careless or stupid, and they usually pay for their carelessness or stupidity eventually. Let's face it; you can ratchet up the driving age, but with stuff on TV like Jackass and other shows of that ilk, do you seriously think the stupid and careless teenagers will be able to avoid serious injury and/or death simply because they're not driving?

To add an ironic note to this discussion, and to reconnect to something I said earlier, I post this link:

Condoms for first graders

You might already have heard of this. I find this ridiculous, but in light of the discussion we're having, it raises an important question: we figure that elementary-school kids will have enough knowledge, understanding, maturity, and "development" to handle the responsibility of human reproduction, but we don't trust teens to drive until they're 18 (or older)? How screwed up are our priorities here?

What do you think? Are we really being stupid? Or am I off-base with all of this?

Gentlemen, We Can Rebuild Him...

noreply@blogger.com (Christopher Mallow) — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 15:17:00 +0000

"We have the technology. Better...faster...stronger."

Amputee cat gets bionic feet

Now, if I had the video creation and editing skills, I'd make a hilarious video to post on Youtube of this cat running 60mph on a treadmill, jumping a 12-foot fence in a single bound, and catching and gobbling up mice at superspeed. Instead, the best I can do is rip off the obvious quote above. I hope you enjoyed the story, anyway.