Do you have a clear vision and dream for the life you want with your dog?

Staying committed to the partnership of your dreams begins with some clarity on what your dreams actually look like.

This marks the final part of my five-part blog and podcast series, “The Summer Series on The Power of Partnership.” In this series, I’ve been sharing some simple partnership principles that will help you forge a much closer bond between you and your dog.

In this episode, we return to Mary (an avatar client and proud dog mom), who has been tackling some tricky challenges with her dog Max. We’ll see how Mary has put each principle into action and how they have drastically improved her partnership with Max.

If you’re new to this series, I’d recommend starting from the beginning with episode one or the first blog post to catch up.

If you’re ready, let’s move onto principle number five…

Staying connected to your dreams

Principle number five is commitment. Part of developing a true partnership with our dogs is based on commitment because it’s vital to achieving any type of dream or goal.

But how do we stay committed when times are tough?

Staying connected to our dreams every single day is one of the key things that helps us stay committed. That’s true for any type of goal, but especially when building a solid partnership with our dogs.

Training your dog using a partnership model is a bit like learning a new and rewarding way of being with your dog. It’s a guaranteed path to sustained success in living cooperatively with our dogs.

But we need to stay committed to this idea to achieve that.

One way I do this is I have a written description of what I imagine my dogs and I can experience together in our life as partners.

I also have a dream poster with images that represent my dream life. I know that looking at my poster evokes powerful and inspiring motivation.  This helps me to be committed and consistent with my goals.

Creating a plan of action

I invite you to write down your dreams, visualize the life that you long to experience with your dog, and then make a plan to get there.

I’ll share a quote that I always find useful:

“A goal is like stepping into an experience that I haven’t had before. Reaching and stretching into something new into someone new that I long to experience.”

I’d recommend that you keep your plan flexible. I think this is important so your plan stays realistic and can adapt as your partnership develops.

Why our goals are really about us

I am a firm believer that we’re not here to “fix” our dogs. That’s what I teach at the Brilliant Partners Academy. Instead, we focus on ourselves and what we can do to grow into a better partner and leader for our dogs.

When we think about our goals, they’re really about us. They’re about what we can grow into, not how we can change our dogs. For example, you might have the goal of doing a weekly balanced activity plan with your dog. Or your goal might be to ensure that you and your dog get enough sleep every day.

Let’s say that you have a dream of walking in partnership with your dog so that you have the freedom to go anywhere with them someday. Like with any goal, we need to break that into smaller steps.

Your first step might be to learn to walk as partners around the house or garden so that you and your dog both love the experience of walking as partners. Next, you’ll want to brainstorm some baby action steps.

Those steps might include learning how to stay present and connected with your dog. Maybe you’ll use touch and hold love in your heart for your dog. Another baby step could be learning to use your intention, posture, presence, and voice to communicate actively with your dog.

Another mini goal could be to practice taking a nice deep breath whenever something doesn’t go well. When you do this, you could remind yourself that you’re both engaging in a fun experiment on your journey towards your dream partnership.

Mary’s takeaways

Let’s head back to our story of Mary and Max. In such a short time, Mary and Max’s partnership has blossomed and transformed. They still have lots to work on, but they have worked so hard to find new ways of being together.

Mary learned the importance of commitment, so she notices any time either of them falls back into old patterns. Whenever that happens, she takes a deep breath and tries again.

In our session on commitment, Mary had a few fantastic takeaways:

1. Looking for baby steps of success and learning along the way is what helps us to stay on course toward our dreams
2. A heartfelt dream, along with a personal goal, will help keep us inspired and motivated to take action and solve challenges that crop up along the way
3. Being focused and connected to our dreams serves to keep us in the now. Being in the now is what helps us avoid worries about the future
4. Old habits and patterns can be challenging to overcome, but having a plan to work through makes it so much easier

Mary’s plan of action

Last time, I mentioned that Mary and Max were taking part in obedience competitions. Mary’s goal will put her in the big leagues with her obedience competition. She wants to focus on this because it’s something that she and Max really love to do together. She also knows that the goal will help her stay committed to being the best partner she can be for Max.

Another goal of hers is to easily walk her dog anywhere, having fun, and socializing together.

As a fun reminder of her commitment, Mary made a dream poster that has a picture of her and Max accepting a prestigious obedience award. There’s also another picture of them happily walking together at a beach filled with friendly people and their dogs.

But there’s one more picture on her dream poster – a puppy!

Mary’s dream of getting a puppy is now possible as her partnership with Max has grown stronger. Mary has a new way of being with her dogs, and she also has help now. She knows that having a great coach and support from other dog moms on the same path of partnership will make all the difference.

What’s your big picture dream?

So, now it’s your turn. Let’s go back to the specific challenge you and your dog are facing.

I’m going to share some journal prompts below that are focused on making your dreams and goals a reality.

• What is your big picture dream?
• What challenges do you want to overcome with your dog to achieve your dream?
• Does this dream get you excited and filled with joy? If it does, you’re on the right track. If not, just try again until you find the dream that makes you really happy when you imagine it.
• Identify the core thing that you believe is keeping you from success.
• What are your baby action steps that will keep you feeling inspired, motivated, and moving forward toward your dream goal?
• What other ways might your life become better?
• How will you stay connected to your dream or goal every day so that you can stay committed?

That’s it from me. It’s over to you now.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this series on learning how to live cooperatively and lovingly with your dog. This is a great time to write your own partnership success story. I’d love to hear it!

If you need guidance or support along the way, I’d be honored to guide you in my Brilliant Partners Academy, where I help other dog moms like you build a strong, loving partnership with their dogs.

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast – Enlightened By Dogs. It’s episode 171, which you can listen to here.

The post How to Stay Committed to Your Dream Partnership appeared first on Dancing Hearts.

Part of living in a true partnership is to work towards some kind of common purpose. Yet, it’s something that a lot of us don’t think about when it comes to our dogs.

Welcome back to part four of my five-part series, ‘The Summer Series on The Power of Partnership.’ Over the course of this series, I’ve been sharing some simple and highly effective partnership principles to help you forge the partnership you’ve always wanted with your dog.

We’re returning to Mary and Max’s story. Mary’s a dog mom and avatar client who we’ve been following along her journey as she puts these principles into action.

If you haven’t already caught up with the previous episodes, I suggest you check out the first three parts before continuing. Listen to the podcast episode for part one, two, and three, or read the blog post for part one, two, and three to catch up.

All caught up? Let’s move on to part four!

What’s a common purpose?

The fourth principle of a successful partnership is understanding and working towards a common purpose. This is when you and your dog are on the same team, and you can both achieve the results you want.

“You become partners that are working together toward a common goal, a common outcome.”

 

It’s a simple idea really. A partnership works best when both sides want the same thing.

It’s such a small shift in your relationship with your dog, but it can make all the difference and strengthen your partnership.

Establishing a common purpose for each life experience and activity can help you achieve the desired outcome far easier. By this, I mean looking at meals, walking, agility courses, obedience competitions, bathing, and grooming – pretty much everything you experience with your dog.

Examples of common purposes include:

• You want your dog to eat their meal as much as they do
• You want your dog to go out to potty the same as they do
• You want your dog to play in the yard and have as much fun as possible, just like they do

When we approach these activities from the perspective of wanting the same thing, you and your dog become teammates.

When we become teammates, the whole thing just becomes so much smoother, more fun, and certainly a lot easier.

“When we approach that cooperation from this perspective of, we both want the same thing, auto-magically, you and your dog become teammates.”

How Mary and Max found a common purpose

Remember the beginning of Mary’s story from part one? All she wanted to do was take Max for a walk, but she was having trouble connecting with him.

Interestingly, there are some layers to their story. Mary and Max have been doing competition obedience for some time and have even earned a few titles.

What was frustrating for Mary was that Max was so good when they practiced their obedience training. But once they walked away, there was no connection in their daily life together.

Why was this happening? We spoke about how dogs are so much smarter than we give them credit for. They have learned one key thing in situations like these – context.

Dogs know all about context. Specific behaviors and expectations are something we teach our dogs in different contexts and scenarios, whether intentionally or not.

Max had followed Mary’s lead with their obedience training because Mary was clear that this was a common purpose for them. She didn’t realize it at the time, but she and Max had managed to stay focused on specific exercises because it was fun and rewarding for both of them.

But when the training ended, Max knew that they would disconnect and do their own things. It became a case of “I will let you know when I want something that’s important to me, and you do the same.”

When Mary and Max would go on walks and Mary would pull Max and vice versa, both became disconnected and frustrated.

What Mary realized about finding a common purpose

Mary came to a deeper layer of understanding that would help her and Max walk together well. She realized four key things about finding a common purpose:

1. Dogs eagerly join us in activities if they want the same result.
2. When we shift our perspective, we can easily find a common purpose in everything we do with our dogs.
3. If we struggle to cooperate with our dogs, this is our cue to explore the common purpose idea.
4. Having a common purpose transforms your perspective from “we are struggling to fix this behavior” to “we do fun experiments in problem-solving together.”

After reflecting on these epiphanies, Mary realized that she and Max had no real common purpose in several areas of their life. But they both wanted to get to the same place together.

So, Mary decided to keep her focus and her calm intentions activated in the dialogue loop of their entire walk to remind them both of their common purpose. She tried to make their walks fun and interesting experiments with puzzle-solving so they could work together cooperatively.

Mary also shared with me that after this new shift in perspective, she and Max weren’t just qualifying. They were winning at these obedience competitions. They were even catching the attention of onlookers because it was so good.

As Mary said, it was “to allow the brilliance of our new partnership to shine for all the world to see.”

Isn’t that just amazing?

How to find your common purpose

So now it’s your turn to take this lesson on board for your own partnership with your dog. I’m going to share some journal prompts that you can use to explore this idea.

Start by thinking of the initial challenge you wanted to address back in part one of the series, and use these prompts to guide you:

• What is your purpose in this situation?
• Why is this important to you?
• What might your dog’s purpose be, and why might this be important to them?
• Take some time to imagine what life would be like if you could identify the common purpose that you and your dog share
• Other than your perspective and intention, how can you dialogue with your dog about this common purpose and work together cooperatively?
• Can you imagine other areas in your life with your dog where a common purpose will bring added happiness, fulfillment, or success?

That’s what I’ll leave you with this week. I hope you enjoyed learning more about finding a common purpose. It’s such a simple idea and yet something many of us overlook.

Be sure to join me again next week for the final part of this series!

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast – Enlightened By Dogs. It’s episode 170, which you can listen to here.

The post How to Move Past Mistakes appeared first on Dancing Hearts.

Transitioning into a new way of being with your dog isn’t always like going from A to B. Sometimes there are a few bumps in the road along the way. But what do you do when you make a mistake?

It’s normal to get knocked off-course when you’re moving towards something new. However, how you deal with those moments will determine how difficult it will be to get to where you want to go.

This is the third of five installments in my ongoing blog and podcast series, “The Summer Series on The Power of Partnership”. In it, I’m sharing some simple – yet effective – partnership principles that you can start using in yours and your dog’s daily life right away.

Once again, we’re returning to Mary, a dog mom and avatar client, who’s tackling some challenges with her dog, Max. In each part, we look at how Mary puts these principles into action and moves along in her partnership journey.

To find out what we’ve covered so far, check out parts one and two. You can listen to part one’s podcast episode here or read the blog post, and part two’s podcast episode here, or read the blog post.

Now, let’s dive into part three!

Understanding partnership competence

The third principle I want to discuss in this post is partnership competence. But what does this mean?

It means being patient, having awareness, and being present on your journey to partnership competence. Competence needs nurturing. It’s very much a journey and not a destination!

In parts one and two, I talked about clarity and communication. The thing is, once you’ve got clear on what you want, you can start to work towards it.

We all know that saying, “practice makes perfect”, right? But what if what you’re practicing isn’t getting you closer to a brilliant partnership? You may inadvertently or unconsciously be practicing things that cause stress and over-arousal, causing unwanted behavior.

That’s obviously not what you want! You want to develop habits and patterns that help you work towards the life you want to live and the partnership that works for you.

Now that sounds pretty straightforward, right? But, speaking from experience, transitioning into a new way of being can be incredibly hard. It can be a real challenge to figure out where you want to be and even more difficult to become fluent in the partnership skill you’re putting into practice.

Patience is key

That’s why it’s so important to remember to be patient. Patience is a vital partnership skill, and it’s not always easy to master!

As you and your dog are learning a new way of being with one another, maybe you’ll fall back into old habits and behavior patterns, and your dog might too. But, you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay to give yourself and your dog permission to learn and make mistakes.

“Give yourself permission to learn, permission to make mistakes.”

 

So what does patience look like when you’re in the middle of a struggle? It’s being present and nurturing awareness. It’s being aware of the dialogue you’re having with your dog in that moment. This is what’s going to help you become so fluent in your new way of life. You won’t even remember what it used to be like!

Our dogs are masters at being present, and this is a great skill to learn from them. When you’re open to learning from your dog, they can teach you all manners of things.

Now, when your mindset is fixed on learning and being in a dialogue with your dog, you’re more able to trust in your abilities. You look for ways to explore possibilities and try new avenues when things don’t work. This learning, adjusting, and trying again is all part of the journey to partnership success.

What Mary’s learned so far

Alright, so let’s get back to Mary and review what she’s taken from our sessions up until now.

Already, Mary and Max have come a long way to being more understanding partners. Even though it’s been just a few short weeks, they now listen more attentively, communicate more effectively, and pay attention to subtle body language, all backed by their new clarity and dialogue.

Mary has learned that dogs want to work with us. They love to cooperate and figure things out. She’s also noted that when humans are distracted, frustrated, or in a hurry, dogs pick up on that and mirror our behavior.

But she’s learned that mistakes are okay. We can’t always be our best selves! Partnerships are an ongoing learning experience, and the mistakes let us know where we need to make new choices or adjustments.

“Partnerships are an ongoing learning experience.”

 

Mary had one realization, which I really love and that’s “this new way of collaborating with dogs is so much easier and more fun than the old way!” She now knows that giving dogs responsibility for their part of the partnership helps everyone to relax. It stops us from feeling like we’re nagging them or they’re ignoring us.

Finally, Mary shared a really big lesson. She’s learned that bribing or being transactional with our dogs isn’t necessary. Dogs are naturally attentive and responsive to us because they want to cooperate – not just because they want a reward!

Becoming partners in the dance of life

A big change we can see in Mary and Max is that they’re really starting to become partners in this dance of life. Mary takes the lead role, but she’s always connected to Max. When he struggles, she’s right there to help him.

They also have clear boundaries and guidelines that have brought comfort and calmness to their lives, making them feel safe, calm and happy. Mary’s focus has been on being patient and aware of how she communicates with Max – especially when he starts to show signs of over-arousal.

Previously, Mary relied on cues for Max. Now, she’s committed to maintaining a dialogue so that he can have his own autonomy and make better choices. For example, when Mary wants to leash Max or let him out into the yard, she no longer commands him to sit and stay. Instead, she invites him to connect with her. Then they use calm, patient communication to cooperate and accomplish what’s needed.

One thing Mary desperately wanted to change at the start of their journey was their struggle walks. They’ve been rehearsing being in balance and practicing walking together as partners in safe spaces, such as the house and outdoors, in places where she’s certain of their success. Walking is now a fun activity they can both enjoy!

Enjoying a walk together was Mary’s prime goal, but since then, she’s realized they can achieve so much more. Max is now much calmer. He no longer jumps on her like a wild man and sits patiently.

Mary’s not completely sure how this happened as she didn’t train any of it. But she suspects it’s because of their newfound respect, attentiveness, and desire to cooperate, pulling all of these pieces into place. I think she’s got it right!

How to improve your partnership competence

Now I want you to think about that specific challenge you’re facing with your dog (the one you decided to work on in part one). I’m going to give you some journal prompts and questions to think about all to do with your own partnership competence.

“Partnership competence is a journey not a destination.”

 

Grab a pen and paper, here we go:

• Where are you practicing the right stuff that will lead to partnership mastery?
• Where are you practicing the wrong stuff?
• What’s standing in the way of your partnership success?
• How is your dog affected when you get impatient, tired, annoyed, or frustrated with yourself (or your dog)?
• Where can your dog learn to be more responsible for their part of the partnership without being on command?
• Can you identify times when you can be more present and more attentive?
• How can you collaborate with your dog to work through this partnership lifestyle challenge?
• Where are you responding to mistakes inappropriately?
• How can you shift your response?

Alright my friends, that’s all for part three. I hope you’ve taken something away from this part and can have some fun with it. Leave a comment or send me a message to let me know how you’re getting on – I always love hearing from you!

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast – Enlightened By Dogs. It’s episode 169, which you can listen to here.

The post How to Find a Common Purpose with Your Dog appeared first on Dancing Hearts.

What’s the key to any successful partnership or relationship?

That’s right. It’s all about communication!

Communication is what ties your partnership with your dog together, so you’re both happy and healthy.

This is part two of my ongoing blog and podcast series, “The Summer Series on The Power of Partnership.” In this series, I’m sharing some simple partnership principles that you can easily incorporate in your day-to-day lives with your dog.

Each episode will follow Mary, an avatar client and dog mom, who’s facing some challenges with her dog, Max. As I share each principle, we’ll look at how Mary uses these lessons to build a solid partnership with Max.

It’s a glimpse at what working together as a partner really looks like. If you haven’t already read the first blog or listened to the episode, I’d recommend starting there.

Ready? Let’s talk about communication…

Dogs are masters of reading our intentions

The second partnership principle I want to talk about is that communication leads to partnership.

Good communication is an essential element of a good partnership between you and your dog.

The key is establishing a language for easy dialogue and connection, so you can get to know and trust each other.

I’ve said it before, but there’s really no way to fool a dog. Dogs are masters of reading our intentions. Your dog is so tuned in to what you’re doing and even what you’re about to do.

Mastering this type of communication with your dog requires you to be more focused, attentive, and clear.

I promise the payoff for this is extraordinary. Once my clients have got the communication side down, they end up with happy, eager dogs who are willing to cooperate.

That’s because, like humans, dogs are social creatures and are naturally masterful at dialogue and reading communication through body language. This is something humans can do as well, but we’re often so distracted that we aren’t even aware of it!

Have you ever thought, “my dog reacted so unexpectedly!” Or you’ve been shocked when your dog started barking or growling at something? Those are signs that you are distracted at times when instead, you want to be available for connection and support.

If you’ve ever had the thought, “my dog just won’t listen,” or that they’re stubborn or just don’t understand – those are signs that you’re not communicating clearly at a time when dialogue is crucial.

This all leaves your dog scratching their ear, feeling pretty confused.

The art of mindful dialoguing

The good news is that you can discover the fine art of intentional communication and establish a daily practice of mindful dialoguing.

You can learn to be more conscious of things like using your body, your posture, the direction of your gaze, the tension or relaxation of your muscles, your breathing pattern, and much more. Your dog notices all these things and reacts accordingly.

They can also hear exceptionally well, so it helps to verbalize softly and use sound modulation to communicate.

Your use of movement, expression, breathing, and your personal space (by stepping toward your dog or backing away), are effective non-verbal communication tools. These movements and body language all have an effect on how your dog responds to you, whether intentionally or not.

So the key is to become more intentional and aware of yourself. Try to be a student and allow your dog to teach you. I encourage you to take some time to observe their responses to your dialogue and day-to-day interactions. You can learn so much from this.

“Be a student and allow your dogs to teach you by observing their responses to your dialogue and your interactions with them.”

Balance being an observer with being a partner

While we need to observe, we still need to be good partners as well.

It’s really important to balance this adventure in dialogue discovery with being a great partner. If you’re in scientist/observation mode, you’re not also being a partner, so try to bear that in mind. Balance is everything.

How Mary’s progressing

Let’s talk about Mary and Max. In part one, we saw that Mary was starting to implement the partnership principles she’s learned.

She’s been practicing patience and focusing on connection and clarity. This is helping both Mary and Max to be calmer and more attentive.

Mary has also been feeling and expressing love and appreciation for Max. She has stopped going for walks that would lead to Max pulling and getting over-aroused and frustrated. Instead, she’s focused on finding other interesting things to do together.

After two weeks, Mary feels that she and Max have established a new, stronger appreciation for each other.

How to get a dog back into balance

Now that Mary and Max are more attentive to one another, and Max has learned self-regulation, they’re ready to walk together as partners.

It’s all about baby steps, though. Mary takes it slow and ensures that their mutual attentiveness keeps getting stronger.

What Mary needed to work on was learning how to stay connected through the leash. Mary learned that our dogs can sometimes get “out of balance” physically, mentally, and emotionally when they pull on the leash. So, instead of thinking, “my dog is pulling,” she says, “my dog is out of balance.”

When this happens, helping a dog get back into balance is always the first step. You can do this in a few ways. Mary learned that balance could look like an equal weight on all four of their paws to start with. Soft and quick pulsing of the leash also helps to bring a dog back into balance.

You can even use the leash around the chest or the ribs to encourage balance and a more complete connection.

Remember, body language and voice are the primary tools for walking with your dog. The leash is secondary, so never use the leash to initiate movement. Don’t pull your dog. When we pull our dog, we set an expectation and teach them that pulling each other is okay.

Mary learned that by not pulling, she’s role modeling. She learned instead to always invite your dog to move with you, using body language and voice.

How to get started

Mary decided to start in a place with few distractions to learn this new way of walking together. She started in her kitchen, then the family room, then the backyard. All these places became opportunities for learning.

Mary learned to always be sure that Max was attentive and in balance before she asked him to walk with her. She realized that it all starts with her. For Max to be relaxed and happy, Mary needed to be first.

Her next step was to look at where she was intending to walk before signaling to Max to follow. If Max began to lean forward out of balance, Mary felt it immediately. She helped Max to regain his balance whenever that happened.

Now, if Max loses his focus and pulls, Mary moves forward but tries not to pull him back. She asks him to reconnect with her by pulsing or vibrating the leash to promote balance and connection. And, when necessary, she signals “stop” to Max and pivots in front of him to help him rebalance. Once Max had refocused, Mary simply pivots back to facing forward with Max by her side.

This simple maneuver really helped Mary to stay calm and connected with Max. Now, they enjoy walking together so much more.

“Mastering this part of the partnership lifestyle formula requires that we learn to be focused, attentive, and clear as we interact with our dogs.”

How can you start communicating better with your dog?

Now it’s your turn. Take from this lesson the best ways to communicate and implement that into your life with your dog.

I’ll share some journal prompts below which might help you get clear on what you need to do:

• Where can you more clearly communicate with your dog in a way that they can understand?
• Where can you closely listen to your dog’s feedback about this challenge that you are having together?
• How can you modify the way that you and your dog dialogue that will help you to work together to resolve this challenge?
• Can you identify the specific body language, facial expression, or verbal expression that you and your dog are using when there’s a communication breakdown?
• When has there been communication success?
• How do you believe your dog is interpreting your intention?
• Do you believe that you may have misinterpreted your dog’s intention?
• When are you and your dog attentive to one another? When are you not?

I encourage you to take a few of these prompts and really dive into what your partnership means and looks like right now. Have some fun with it! And I hope to see you next time for part three.

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast – Enlightened By Dogs. It’s episode 168, which you can listen to here.

The post How to Communicate as a Real Partner with Your Dog appeared first on Dancing Hearts.

This is the first post in a five-part series sharing some simple partnership principles that you can easily incorporate into your life today!

The series will follow Mary’s journey, a dog mom facing some tough challenges. I’m going to reveal how Mary (not her real name, of course!) put these principles into practice and the effect they had on her partnership with her dog, Max.

As we go through each part, I’ll explain my approach to helping Mary overcome each challenge, and you’ll get direct insights and takeaways into how you can use these tips yourself.

This series is a look behind the curtain at what learning to be together as partners really looks like – and just how far you can both go! Get ready, here’s part one of Mary’s story.

“Clarity leads to success.”

Why clarity leads to success

You guessed it, the first partnership principle I’m talking about is clarity!

Clarity is one of the key principles to establishing a brilliant partnership with your dog. It’s really that vital first step in your journey to a happier life together.

When you get clear on what you want, how you want to live, and what you want your dog to know about how you live together, everything else is possible.

Without clarity, it’s easy to get confused and stuck. You and your dog might not understand each other. What happens then? You may get escalated, unwanted behaviors, like excessive barking, lunging, pulling on the leash, showing you’re distracted and disconnected.

Clarity allows you to understand each other better. You can start communicating, collaborating, and cooperating to work through challenges together. It helps you to feel inspired and eager to live that dream life you envision with your dog.

Perhaps that’s your dog running to you whenever you invite engagement, or that they’re more attentive and responsive because they trust and understand you. That’s what clarity can bring to your life with your dogs.

How to get clear on where you’re going

I think the first step to living more cooperatively with your dog is to understand what you want to teach them about your normal life together. I like to say, “normalize the normal”.

This is a no-drama way to help your dog learn about what life is all about … how we live cooperatively together. Think of it as seeing the big picture. What does your ideal life with your dog look like?

Your ideal life vision can help you orient towards it and map out a plan to get there. That’s the Brilliant Partners way!

Introducing Mary and Max

Mary is an avatar representing a typical dog mom who’s come to me looking for help with her dog, who we’ll call Max.

Mary’s goal was to be able to take Max out and about so they could enjoy fun places and experiences together.

However, Mary struggled to walk Max. He nearly pulled her down, and once nearly got hit by a car because he got away from Mary.

So Mary’s big picture here was that to be able to walk together anywhere, Max needed to self-regulate, and want to seek guidance from Mary. It also meant that Mary needed to self-regulate, focus her attention on Max, and have the desire to be present with and available to support Max.

“Everything else is possible, once we know exactly what we want, how we want to live, and what it is that we want our dogs to know about how we live together.”

The starting point

Let’s first get clear on where Mary and Max are starting from. Mary is reluctant to take Max for walks because he gets distracted and pulls her strongly toward whatever he’s interested in. She feels like she’s tried everything – but nothing works for more than a few minutes or a couple of times.

The first step with Mary was to help her understand dog-human interaction. As social mammals that thrive in family units, dogs naturally look to humans for guidance. But when the guidance isn’t there or isn’t clear, dogs can become anxious. This leads to behavior that’s misinterpreted as unruly or stubborn.

What’s the best way to communicate guidance to your dog? Role modeling. Dogs follow our lead (literally and figuratively!) and influencing their behavior can be as simple as managing our own.

If you want to calm your dog, consider if you’re role modeling calm. For example, you could take some long, deep breaths. If you want your dog to be playful, fun, and attentive, then think about how you can be more playful, fun, and attentive.

The other thing Mary had to get clear on was why she was choosing to do certain activities with Max. When you plan your activities and adventures with an end-goal in mind, learning becomes much more fun, easy, and successful.

A plan also helps keep you in the green zone, where you feel safe, calm, and happy and where trust and confidence is created.

Finally, Mary learned that putting Max under pressure to act on a command, like sit or stay, without first teaching him self-regulation skills, can lead to anxiety and ultimately failure.

How to encourage self-regulation

Mary’s new role as collaborator with Max, is to assess the situation and develop a plan so they can enjoy walking together as partners. The first thing she wants to tackle is their self-regulation.

When Max can self-regulate, he has the agency and freedom to choose to walk with her responsibly. This is when Mary has her first “aha!” moment.

Max actually has very little self-regulation in his life. Mary realizes that they’ve been relying on trained, cued behaviors, and so Max doesn’t know to use his own agency because Mary is making his choices for him by cueing his behavior.

Mary’s plan is to be more attentive and patient with Max when they’re interacting. Instead of firing off cues and commands to get him to do what she wants, her aim is to connect through her body language, intention, expression and let the heart-mind connection take over.

This is a clear way to role model self-regulation – as Mary self-regulates, Max will begin to follow her lead!

The key here is to make this a way of life, what I call a ‘daily practice’.

Each time Mary and Max interact, that could be feeding him a treat, letting him out, putting his leash on, playing a game, or inviting him for a snuggle … Mary is going to role model calm, connected, self-regulation.

The results

After just one day of practicing this approach Mary had her next “aha!” moment.

Mary realized that previously, she would only pay attention to Max when he did something big and unwanted. Inadvertently, she’d taught Max that he only gets her focus when he’s misbehaving! A calm and quiet Max often got no attention.

This realization is definitely a powerful one.

When it came to walking Max, Mary realized they weren’t quite ready yet, and she didn’t want to keep repeating their pattern of stressed and disconnected walks. So Mary thought of more creative ways to exercise him, keeping walks to a minimum while they learned a new way to be happy partners. If she did have to walk Max, Mary would choose a time and a place that would help to avoid their triggers, to keep them on the right path toward learning to walk as partners.

Isn’t it amazing how getting clear on your challenges can get the ball to success rolling?

Now you’ve heard how finding clarity helped Mary, it’s your turn.

Below are some journal prompts that can help you start thinking about how to find clarity with your dog.

What specific challenge with your dog could use your focus right now?

For Mary, it was walking Max. As she broke this challenge down, she started to see the other areas that needed work first.

So, start with your ‘big challenge’ … and then instead of tackling that big challenge head on (or even several challenges), really think about what else is going on behind the scenes and try to keep your focus there.

Now I want to encourage you to think about each of these questions individually. The answers can help you to get clear on the steps to take next:

• What is the outcome you’d like to have?
• Where are you starting from?
• How can you be more clear, as a role model for your dog?
• How is your own self-regulation influencing your dog and how can you change that?
• What are you asking or expecting of your dog that is just too hard? How will you change that?
• How can you be more attentive and present and available for your dog?
• How will you show your dog your love affection and appreciation as a daily practice?

There you go my friends, I hope you have some fun contemplating these questions and implementing more clarity in your partnership!

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast – Enlightened By Dogs. It’s episode 167, which you can listen to here.

The post Why Clarity is Key to Partnership Success appeared first on Dancing Hearts.

Are you struggling to form a strong heart-to-heart connection with your dog?

It could be a simple case of trying too hard or overthinking it. If we’re distracted, focused on other things, or too busy, this can affect the close partnership we all dream of having with our dogs.

Sometimes it pays to really step back and take some time to reflect on our perspective and how we role model for our dogs.

Below I share some of the simple things standing in our way of a real heart-to-heart connection and a peaceful partnership.

1. You’re not present

The main thing standing in our way is that many of us struggle to be present in the moment.

With so many things stuck in our heads, responsibilities, wants and needs, other people and even other pets, it’s a wonder we have any headspace left.

If you aren’t in the present and your mind has a tendency to wander, this could affect your relationship with your dog. The reality is, if we’re thinking of other things, we’re not connected with our dog. We’re stuck in our heads.

2. We are so afraid of making a mistake

The next thing standing in our way is the fear of making a mistake.

We’re only human, and of course, we want to be the best, most amazing partner for our dogs. Our motivation and inspiration are on track, but could this fear have a downside?

If we’re afraid of making a mistake or getting it wrong, it means that we’re literally building a wall between our dog and us. We’re also teaching our dogs things that we don’t want them to mirror, which is to be tense and worried.

What we need to do is lighten up. You may have heard me mention something called the “trilogy of lights,” which is to be more light-headed and light-hearted and light-footed.

Try not to take yourself or your dog too seriously. Be willing to be an adventurer and enjoy the journey with your dog.

3. We are in the habit of always being busy

If you’re stuck in old habits that stop you from forming a heart-to-heart connection, nothing is going to change.

One of the most common habits to get stuck into is the habit of being busy. The problem is that if we’re busy people, many of us believe that our dogs need to be kept busy as well.

Instead of letting our dogs help us get off the hamster wheel of busyness, we pull them onto the hamster wheel with us. Many of us are stuck in a cycle of being busy, and we don’t even know that we’re on the hamster wheel.

Oftentimes, our dogs are campaigning for some kind of action. So, we tend to think “they need more exercise” or “they need a distraction.” If we give them a distraction, perhaps they’ll stop bugging us or barking.

However, in many cases, this is just a habit. It’s not that the dog actually needs more exercise or enrichment or play. It’s just that they’re in the habit of being busy.

If we respond to that by making them busy, they’re going to expect that every time. It just escalates, and we become unwitting partners on this crazy hamster wheel.

How to connect with our dogs

What we can do is begin to recognize what’s happening with our dogs and how our own behavior is affecting them. This awareness is key to bringing about positive change.

When we start to change things, it’s important not to get sucked back into that busyness and responding to old habits.

Instead, try to stay present and breathe through it. Try to tell yourself, “I’m committed to not being sucked back into old habits.”

Lean into the discomfort a bit more and just breathe. Smile and open your heart. Connect with your dog with an open heart and mind and remember that’s what our dogs need the most from us.

My dog needs to feel like they belong. My dog needs to be heard. They need that bonding. Remember, this bonding is one of the main reasons you likely got a dog in the first place. Don’t lose sight of that!

How a BPA member learned to form a heart-to-heart connection

This brings me to an example I’d like to highlight from the Brilliant Partners Academy. We had a gal with a leg injury who couldn’t walk about and play around with her dog.

I wanted to share a comment that she made after a coaching call:

“One of the things for me was not to add to my dog’s over-arousal. Distracting with toys and treats and games doesn’t work. And I found this to be true when I was forced to be off my feet for two months. I thought I had to keep her busy with something since I couldn’t join in with our usual activities outside for very long.

“I thought that she would be bored and start with unwanted behaviors or habits. But what do I know? Apparently, nothing because her favorite activity while I was recuperating was to be a couch potato. I guess I was role modeling pretty well.

“Honestly, it became a wonderful learning and bonding experience. And now that I know that I don’t need to keep her busy to distract her from some trigger or distraction or drama, and can just patiently breathe through as I role model “safe, calm and happy.”

Isn’t that wonderful?

I heard similar things with some of the other BPA members when they decided to take a step back and become more mindful and attentive.

In these examples, those heart connections blossomed. Dogs started responding. Humans started loving the changes and how they affected so many other things.

That’s what I want for you, my friends. Try to really open your heart to your dog. Build a heart and mind connection with yourself so you can step away from these old habits.

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast – Enlightened By Dogs. It’s episode 166, which you can listen to here.

The post How to Have a Real Heart-to-Heart Connection with Your Dog appeared first on Dancing Hearts.

Sometimes we just get so caught up in the drama, urgencies, to-do lists, and life’s responsibilities that we forget what’s really important.

We can even get lost in an idea of how our dogs are supposed to be. We fixate on how they’re meant to look and behave without even realizing that it’s all down to choice.  What’s really interesting is how we get mired into that way of thinking without even realizing that we have a choice.

I want to talk about how we can change our perspective on life in general, but more specifically, with our relationship with our dogs.

To start with, I want to do something a bit different. I’m sharing a poem below by Mary Oliver, one of my favorite poets. She’s so practical and down to earth. She has a way of pulling together simple words in such powerful ways that really make you think.

Luke by Mary Oliver

I had a dog

who loved flowers.

Briskly she went

through the fields,

yet paused

for the honeysuckle

or the rose,

her dark head

and her wet nose

touching

the face

of every one

with its petals

of silk

with its fragrance

rising

into the air

where the bees,

their bodies

heavy with pollen

hovered –

and easily

she adored

every blossom

not in the serious

careful way

that we choose

this blossom or that blossom

the way we praise or don’t praise –

the way we love

or don’t love –

but the way

we long to be –

that happy

in the heaven of earth –

that wild, that loving.

Isn’t that so moving and touching? This poem really causes me to pause and think about how to live more spontaneously, less carefully, more openly, and to really appreciate life in all of its magnificence.

This ties into something that we cover in the Brilliant Partners Academy. It makes me think of how we focus on intention and our attention, our love and energy, and willingness to be connected with our dogs. Not just our dogs though, this applies to everything we come in contact with, whether it’s other humans, animals, plants, or the stars in the sky.

When we’re available for connection, magical stuff happens. One thing that we do at BPA is to join up with our dogs and what they’re interested in doing.

Join up with our dogs

Rather than relying on outdated dog training culture where you have to compete for your dog’s attention, there’s a simpler path.

We don’t need to deprive our dogs of basic needs and enjoyment to get them to listen to us. Instead, we can join up with our dogs and have fun exploring the world through their eyes. It’s like when you take kids to Disneyland or a waterpark. We get to really step into that childlike delight, curiosity, and awe.

Our dogs have that every day, throughout their entire lives. They don’t grow out of that wonder and delight, whether they’re five or 15 years old.

So, one of the things we can do is instead of trying to convince them to do things or campaign for our dog’s attention is to join in.

When your dog goes the smell a flower, think what it might smell like. Imagine what the grass would feel like on your back or the feel of cold water on your paws. Just let them explore and join in with the same level of interest and curiosity.

Even if it’s just for a couple of minutes at a time, you’ll be amazed at how your relationship and partnership with your dog starts to change.

How BPA member Nicola learned to join up with her dogs

A great example of this is from a post that one of our BPA members wrote. It epitomizes the whole concept of joining up with our dogs and why it’s so important to let them know we are available for connection.

Nicola, the BPA member, described a day where she took her dogs to the woods. One of her dogs, Abby, decided that she was more interested in a pile of wood than going on a walk. Nicola let her investigate it, but then they needed to carry on with their walk because she had other things to do.

But Abby kept returning to this woodpile repeatedly. This disrupted the walk, leaving Nicola frustrated. I’ll share a quote from part of her post below:

“I felt like Abby was spoiling our walk, wasting my time, and making me go back because I needed to make sure she was safe. Anyway, I marched back fully intending to put her on the lead and in the car, and continue my walk with my other dog.

And that’s when Kathy’s talk came into my mind and the examples of reframing. I took some deep breaths as I walked back and watched Abby for a minute. I watched in a new mind frame, and I saw the situation differently.

Abby was really enjoying herself. She didn’t need the walk. Abby was loving the scent between the logs, jumping on them, jumping over them. She was alert. Every part of her body, every part of her being was fully alive and buzzing. I took another breath. We could enjoy this moment, or I could spoil it and take her to the car.

I decided to try and join in and hunt with her. I lifted logs, I asked her to look in places. She loved it, she responded. I redirected her and asked her to look where I pointed. She jumped the logs, and she checked where I pointed. My other dog joined in. I can’t tell you how quickly my emotions changed from frustration and annoyance to pleasure and connection.”

Remembering “the main thing”

I’ve shared this quote so many times, but it always manages to be relevant. It’s from Stephen Covey:

“The main thing is to keep the main thing, the main thing.”

Nicola’s story is such a great example of doing just that. This was a brilliant woman on a journey, learning to be a more confident, brilliant partner with her dog. In this moment, she remembered “the main thing,” which is simply to enjoy our life with our dogs, to do fun and interesting things with them.

Another great example is from another BPA member, Jane. She had an easily over-aroused dog that was reactive to so many things. There was a lot to change about their lives to try and stay safe, calm, and happy.

One of the things she wrote was:

“What I’ve learned is that it’s not the place that we go that’s important. If I am content and calm and treasuring this time together, it doesn’t matter whether we’re on a wonderful trail, or just in our living room.”

I love this! It’s such a simple idea, and it may not even seem significant in the grand scheme of the world, but it’s huge. It can change everything when we reframe our mindset this way. The more we can do that, the more brilliant our life becomes.

With that in mind, I will leave you with another poem from Mary Oliver. This also brings to mind the beauty and innocence of being in the moment and just enjoying that our dogs are in our lives.

Luke’s Junkyard Song by Mary Oliver

I was born in a junkyard,

not even on a bundle of rags

or the seat of an old wrecked car

but the dust below.

But when my eyes opened

I could crawl to the edge and see

the moving grass and the trees

and this I began to dream on,

though the worms were eating me.

And at night through the twists of metal

I could see a single star—one, not even two.

Its light was a thing of wonder,

and I learned something precious

that would also be good for you.

Though the worms kept biting and pinching

I fell in love with this star.

I stared at it every night—

that light so clear and far.

Listen, a junkyard puppy

learns quickly how to dream.

Listen, whatever you see and love—

that’s where you are.

This chokes me up whenever I read it! I hope that this inspires you to go out with your dog and join up with them. Explore and have fun, and just enjoy these moments with your dog.

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast – Enlightened By Dogs. It’s episode 165, which you can listen to here.

The post How to Join Up with Our Dogs appeared first on Dancing Hearts.

Are things a little crazy around your home right now?

During the summer months, many of us start remodeling, landscaping, gardening, or doing construction work on our homes.

This can cause many dogs to become reactive to the new activities and environment around them. Lots of new noises, people, smells, and a disruption to their routine can make even the calmest dogs antsy. Many may bark more than usual or become a bit over-excited or stressed during this time.

If you’re struggling to help your dog stay calm, keep reading. I share some simple tips that can help you restore peace around your home!

Carrying on like normal

A few years ago, I was having some landscaping done around my house. It was a big project, so we hired a crew to help finish the job. But that meant a lot of noise and new people, which prompted me to record an episode about how my dogs handled it all.

It turns out that everything was fine, and it was a great example of responsible role modeling. The dogs were really great despite only going out in the morning and then not again until late after the crew had gone home.

What I didn’t do was make a big fuss about all the noise and strangers around our home. The dogs look to me as a role model, so I just kept going as normal, showing them that there was nothing to worry about.

“When we role model for our dogs, we’re literally expressing with our thoughts, our emotions, our actions, that it’s no concern of ours.”

Dogs follow our behaviors, so we need to change them first

Another example of this was a few years before when my dog Dylan was a puppy. I started to realize that he was noticing things in the sky, like birds and planes. But this is something I do too. I love birds, and I didn’t realize how often I was looking at what’s in the sky.

Dylan was becoming a bit fixated on the sky, and I decided I didn’t want that to be a new habit, so I changed my own behavior. I made a commitment that I would stop looking at the sky and just ignore any sounds of helicopters or planes.

Eventually, he started looking up less and less until he stopped paying attention altogether. This was all within about a week. By changing my own behavior and habits, I signaled to Dylan that there’s nothing important going on in the sky.

This is what I mean by being a role model for our dogs. We’re literally saying, “That’s of no concern of ours. Let’s just carry on.”

By the time those workers came to work on the landscaping project, I could see the dogs getting a bit excited by their presence. I didn’t tell them off, though. Instead, I decided to get up from my desk, go to the kitchen and open the cookie jar.

Some of the dogs followed, and we played a little game and ignored the workers. By doing this, I was telling them that the workers and the noise were nothing to do with us. So they all learned to ignore it.

To start practicing good role modeling, keep these four things in mind.

1. Empty stress buckets

You and your dog need to have empty stress buckets. If your dog is living in a state of high arousal or chronic stress, your dog’s cortisol bucket is full. And so is your own, either because of the relationship with your dog or you’re stressed out because of other things.

In order for this to work effectively, you need to start with empty stress buckets. What this means is living a safe, calm, and happy lifestyle.

2. Mutual attentive responsiveness

This starts with you and being attentive and responsive to ourselves and our dogs. What starts to happen is our dogs begin reciprocating and becoming attentive themselves. They see that attentiveness is part of your lifestyle, and it turns into a reciprocal loop.

3. The freedom to be responsible

What I mean by that is being responsible for our own part in this. So, being responsible for number one, the empty buckets, and number two, for initiating the attentive responsiveness.

You’re also responsible for being a role model. If you want your dogs to follow your lead and mirror your behavior, which they’ll do by nature, you need to be a good role model. It starts with making that conscious choice and saying, “I am a role model.”

It’s also about our dogs being free to be responsible. By this, I mean giving them the freedom to choose to be responsible, mirror us, and follow our lead. They get to choose that because they trust us.

All good relationships and partnerships are based on trust. Our dogs trust us to be good role models, and they will follow our lead. That’s going to come from them.

We’re not going to elicit that or ask for it. They’re going to choose that for themselves, and so they get a lot of freedom.

As humans, we can choose to be a partner, a loving leader, and a good role model. We can choose to be attentive, responsive, to keep our stress buckets empty, and to live a safe, calm, and happy lifestyle.

By making these choices, it gives us so much freedom, and that’s key to responsible role modeling.

4. Belief in a partnership lifestyle

The final thing is about believing in your partnership lifestyle. It’s about believing in your dog and what a good partnership can look like.

I believe that it’s definitely possible for you. I’d even go further and say it’s inevitable!

I’d love to hear how you implement these tips to make your partnership happier and based on trust and good role modeling!

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast – Enlightened By Dogs. It’s episode 164, which you can listen to here.

The post 4 Ways to Help Your Dog Stay Calm appeared first on Dancing Hearts.

If you have an over-aroused dog, you’ll be no stranger to emotional outbursts. Overwhelming experiences like these can trigger anxieties that make it difficult for you and your dog to move forward. But life with a reactive dog doesn’t have to be this way.

When Andrea Baumann got her standard poodle, Tobias, she dreamed he would become her service dog. Andrea was aware of Tobias’ over-arousal and was prepared to help him overcome this so that one day, he could help her.

But over time, Tobias’ reactivity got worse. Andrea turned to the Brilliant Partners Academy (BPA), and has since been on a journey that’s transformed their relationship.

Keep reading to find out how they’ve overcome their obstacles and more!

In service of a struggling trainee service dog

Andrea got Tobias when he was 10 months old, and he already had known behavior issues. She quickly noticed that his main struggle was over-arousal as he became super excited and reactive toward other dogs.

This was a big problem when he attended his formal service dog training program. While Tobias would be top of the class in some respects, he was clearly struggling in others. Looking back now, Andrea says he was trying to communicate that the program was too challenging for him.

“The behavior issues were coming out, and now I know that his stress bucket was full.”

Andrea didn’t know at the time that this was how Tobias really felt. So, she looked for help treating the reactive symptoms – aka barking, pulling, and just going nuts!

They worked with behaviorists and did lots of one-on-one training, and Tobias responded well. But when it came to a real-world situation, Tobias found it challenging to apply what he’d learned and actually began to display more reactive behavior, such as chasing wildlife and cars.

Listening to your dog’s communication

Andrea then joined the BPA, hoping to find a more successful approach to helping Tobias with his over-arousal. She says one of the first things she came to understand was that it didn’t matter why Tobias was reactive – it just mattered that he was communicating his comfort level.

“He was showing me that this is too hard for me. I wasn’t making good choices for us by putting him in situations that were too hard thinking that we were training and counter-conditioning, and all of that.”

This was the moment that things started to change. Andrea realized that Tobias’ behavior was part of his fire-type personality and, with a better understanding of this, she could make choices that suited both of them.

It was after learning to listen to Tobias’ communication that things started to move forward.

How to stop stress buckets overflowing

The next thing Andrea had to tackle was their stress buckets. Both Andrea’s and Tobias’ were overflowing! But Andrea learned that there was one thing she could do to stop this spiral.

“I’ve just really learned how, as a loving leader, when I can help my own stress and role model calm, he responds to that.”

Isn’t that amazing? Of course, when Andrea was stressed, so was Tobias. But now Tobias knows that if Andrea’s calm, he can be too. This realization really helped to break their stress-bucket cycle, and it’s something Andrea returns to time and time again. In fact, this role modeling played a big part in avoiding a recent meltdown.

Avoiding an over-aroused meltdown

Andrea and Tobias came face-to-face with a dog on their driveway completely unexpectedly. In the past, this would have triggered Tobias’ reactivity, sent Andrea’s anxiety into a spiral, and left both of them in a big mess.

But Andrea now uses three tools to overcome situations like this. She takes a deep breath, exudes calm energy, and (if Tobias is happy to engage) uses a gentle touch to bring him back to a place of connection.

In this situation, Andrea calmly brought Tobias back into the house. His safe space, away from his triggers, and focused on connecting with Tobias.

“He vocalized, but he didn’t freak out and I knew what to do. I just steered him back into the house, we connected, we calmed down, and five minutes later, we went for a walk. Like it was a non-event, and I just couldn’t believe it, compared to the past where it would have been like a big ‘oh no’ for both of us.”

What an amazing transformation!

Andrea also knows that if she feels stressed by a certain situation, she’ll find a way to create a better experience for them both. For example, when her usual walking routes became busy, Andrea started to feel overwhelmed about how over-aroused Tobias might get.

She had two options: struggle through a hard situation or find a new solution. With her newfound knowledge of Tobias’ personality and how important it was for Andrea to feel calm, she decided to find a new, quieter place to walk together. The best choice for both of them!

Why a refocus can help you find connection

Andrea says that the biggest change for her partnership with Tobias has been her mindset shift. Now, she’s not comparing Tobias to other dogs in training programs or focusing on the problems they’re facing. Instead, she’s accepted Tobias for who he is.

“I kind of felt like, what’s wrong with you? It’s been a process of learning that there’s nothing wrong with him. It’s my job to support him, not to try to fix him. I was so focused on his behavior issues that I was missing out on the joy and the connection.”

It can be difficult to connect with an easily over-aroused dog for this reason. You become so hyper-focused on the challenges that you and your dog face, you miss out on all of the good stuff!

Tobias is Andrea’s first dog, so she admits to being unaware of just how strong a connection can be between a person and their dog. Before, she always saw the relationship as transactional. But now she says they have a level of connection she “didn’t know was possible”.

From struggling service dog to happy partners

Refocusing from problems to partnership is what’s really transformed Andrea and Tobias’ relationship. It’s been a journey of growth, from letting go of expectations to accepting Tobias’ personality and learning to truly listen.

Andrea has since decided on a career change for Tobias. Instead of his role as her service dog, he is now her “best boy, pet, partner, and friend.”

It’s been fantastic to watch Andrea and Tobias’ partnership strengthen over time and see how Andrea turned it around when it seemed like they had it all going against them. I’m delighted that, with the help of the BPA, Andrea could finally help Tobias with his over-arousal and become the brilliant partners each other needed!

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

If you liked this post, then I encourage you to check out my full conversation with Andrea over on the Enlightened By Dogs Podcast. It’s episode 163 “Helping an Easily Over-Aroused Dog with Andrea Baumann” and you can listen to it here.

The post How Connection Can Help Your Over-Aroused Dog appeared first on Dancing Hearts.

Establishing a partnership with your dog when they have behavior issues can be a real challenge. But what about building a partnership with 13 dogs all with their own unique needs?

Rescuing or fostering a dog can be such a rewarding experience that it’s no wonder people get hooked! Over the last 7 years, Brilliant Partners Academy (BPA) member Alicia Martin has fostered over 60 dogs – but not all went on to other homes. Alicia is now in service of 13 foster fails, otherwise known as her family pack of lovable misfits.

When you adopt or foster a dog, it’s quite likely that you’ll accept a certain level of disorder, right? You may be sensitive to the fact that the dog is still processing their past experiences, and you both need time to adjust.

But when you foster multiple dogs, chaos becomes part of every day. Over arousal, fighting, bullying, and other behavioral challenges were just some of the things Alicia had to deal with when managing of her 13-strong family pack – and sometimes things could get extreme! A trip to the emergency vet wasn’t uncommon. Plus, with the dogs always reactive and on high alert, it was impossible for Alicia to take them anywhere.

Alicia knew that this couldn’t continue. She wanted to take a different approach to helping the dogs she was in service to so that they could live a happier, more harmonious life together.

Becoming a foster-dog-mom

The first seeds of Alicia’s foster journey were planted 11 years ago. She already owned a vizsla, but after stumbling across a dachshund rescue, she fell in love and quickly adopted a puppy. A year later, her husband suggested they adopt another. A year after that, they adopted one more!

With three dachshunds and a vizsla, you’d think Alicia and her husband would have their hands full. But, when Texas changed its dog adoption laws, the shelters were desperate for fosters and Alicia was keen to help.

That was seven years ago. Since then, more than 60 dachshunds have come into Alicia’s home – and 13 of them have stayed. Alicia’s pack now ranges from 2-18 years old, and each dog comes with their individual challenges.

Addressing aggressive behavior disorder

Alicia particularly needed help with managing her pack when one of her dogs, Bella, wasn’t responding to methods of dealing with her aggressive behavior disorder. Bella was aggressive towards other dogs and humans, and had previously hurt other dogs so badly, they’d had to go to the emergency vet.

“I had behaviorists come into the house to work with us and nothing was changing. It was kind of like, well, I guess this is just how life is. I guess I just have to be ready to break up fights when they happen.”

After finding the BPA, Alicia approached Bella’s over-arousal in a new way. Instead of accepting this chaotic dynamic and stepping in when things got too crazy, Alicia began making time to connect with each dog and make sure that they were being heard – stopping their whispers from becoming screams.

How to connect with a pack on an individual level

To stop these trust leaks and really establish a bond with every dog in her pack, Alicia takes time every day to connect one-on-one with her dogs.

“I would get out my yoga mat in the morning and sit down and I would have connection time. Each dog would take turns and get in my lap, and we would do heart connection. I would tell them that they were perfect and that they have my heart.”

Alicia did this every day for a year. At the same time, she would pet each dog for at least 30 seconds, allowing the bonding hormone oxytocin to flow between them and really reinforce this heart-to-heart connection.

Alicia quickly started to see a shift in her anxiety around the pack and their behavior. She wasn’t walking on eggshells anymore or anticipating the next fight. She trusted the bond she had with each dog and knew that with a word from her – a reminder of their partnership – she could calm tension between members of the pack instantly.

“The biggest compliment my neighbor gave me was when he said, ‘My kids call you the magic lady because you can whisper to your dogs and they get quiet.’”

Two new ways to build trust

The other big change to Alicia’s approach was not just connecting with each dog, but also understanding their unique personalities. This gave her a far better insight into how each dog interacted with each other and how they would react in certain situations.

This new knowledge of each dog’s personality was particularly powerful when used in conjunction with the 95% rule. You won’t ask your dog to do something unless you’re at least 95% sure that they’ll do it. While this rule was a big mindset shift for Alicia, it builds trust by not asking your dog to do something outside of their comfort zone.

With these tools under her belt, Alicia’s bond with her pack grew from strength to strength. She applied the techniques she’d learned to the pack, both individually and as a group, and watched her relationship with them transform.

Finding confidence, connection, and calm

Alicia’s experience has given her the confidence to address issues because she knows that this approach works. This really stood out to Alicia with one of her dogs, Vini. Vini was born into the rescue and the only one of her litter not adopted. Alicia took her in as a foster. Prompted by the rescue director, she used positive clicker training to teach her some basic commands.

At six months old, Vini was adopted. But just three months later, she came back to Alicia as she was “out of control”. Alicia abandoned her existing training methods and instead used the safe, calm and happy protocol to help Vini truly find balance. Today, Vini is just one of the dogs that Alicia feels confident taking anywhere!

“If you’re thinking it doesn’t work, it absolutely works. I took 13 dogs who were fighting three times a week to hardly any fights ever. We don’t do training, we don’t do sit, come, stay, down. We do heart connections.”

Thank you so much to Alicia for sharing her inspiring story. She really is amazing and a fantastic role model for partnership in the BPA community!

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast – Enlightened By Dogs. It’s episode 162, which you can listen to here.

The post Transforming a Family Pack Dynamic from Hostile to Harmonious appeared first on Dancing Hearts.

Our dogs look to us for so much guidance and reassurance. When we get over-excited, so do our dogs. When we become fearful, our dogs can pick up on that too.

So, what can we do to keep our dogs calm in stressful situations? It all starts with you and how you react to stimuli around you.

To calm ourselves and our dogs down, we can use something I call the “Back to Grazing Protocol.” This is a simple system with six steps you can take to rebalance yourself and put your dog at ease. Keep reading to hear my six steps for success.

The secret to mastering the Grazing Protocol concept is becoming mindful and practicing gratitude.

How gratitude is key to calming our looping thoughts

When our dogs pick up on our stresses and frustrations, it’s because we’re stuck in a mind loop. It doesn’t matter who gets stressed or over-aroused first – either you or your dog – because you end up in the same place.

When our dogs are in a state of over-arousal or reactivity, our mind tends to loop. You could be looping through all kinds of thoughts about failures or shortcomings, telling yourself, “I should have done X instead.” You might be frustrated with your dog and think, “I thought we’d moved past this.”

You start looping, feeling frustrated, or even angry about the situation because it feels beyond your control. Whether we’re frustrated with ourselves, our dog, or someone else, the end result is the same. We’re continuing the drama. We can end up falling down a rabbit hole of drama and frustration because humans have a tendency to over-dramatize things.

All of this doesn’t change the situation or make it better. The real crux of the matter is that our dogs pick up on all that drama, and we don’t want to do that.

Let’s take a look at one of the most important elements of the Back to Grazing Protocol first. It’s a gratitude reset, which is all about bringing gratitude into our awareness and tapping into its power.

A gratitude reset can really help us break through the pattern of thought looping. All it means is that we find a way to occupy our minds and bring us back to the present. It’s a great exercise to remind us of the wonderful, beautiful parts of our life, at that very moment when we feel frustrated.

To do it, you just need to breathe deeply into that discomfort and think to yourself, “I am choosing a gratitude reset because I do not want to stay in the drama.” When you do this, think of three things you are grateful for at that moment.

What does “back to grazing” mean?

The back to grazing concept is based on the idea of social animals, like wolves, elephants, or antelopes, who live in a group. If something alarms the sentinel, say a lion approaches, the whole group becomes alert. It’s a way social animals keep themselves safe. They look to the leader, the one they trust to keep them safe, and if the leader is alert, so are the rest of the animals.

If the leader deems it safe, it calms the group down and shows that there’s nothing to worry about. When they go back to grazing, so does the rest of the group. This keeps the group safe and intact, so no one’s running around full of adrenaline and cortisol all the time.

It’s the same concept in a human and dog relationship. Dogs and humans are social creatures, and your dog is so attuned to you and your emotions. They know how you feel, and so the key to keeping everyone calm is to rebalance and re-center ourselves.

When our dogs get spooked by a car backfiring or another dog approaches, this knocks us off balance too. If we see something stressful, our dogs get knocked off balance too. It’s an endless circle. If we can rebalance ourselves and signal that there’s no danger to our dogs, we can encourage this “back to grazing” behavior.

That’s what we practice at the Brilliant Partners Academy, how to live this brilliant, calming, partnership lifestyle.

“Our dogs are depending on us to be safe, calm, and happy, and to be the guide. If we are upset and stay in that place of emotional upheaval, that’s what our dogs are getting from us.”

Steps you can take to diffuse the situation

When we want to be a good role model, it’s all about defusing the situation when your dog is upset, or you’re upset. Here are six steps to help you do that.

Step 1: Remember you’re all learning

The first thing we can do is remember that we’re all just learning how to navigate life together. Whenever things get stressful, try to remind yourself that this is a work in progress.

Step 2: Be mindful of looping thoughts

The next step is to be mindful of your thoughts, to calm down those looping, second-guessing thoughts. Remember to stay in a solution-focused and listening mindset. That’s your role as the trustworthy guide for your dog.

Step 3: Move around

One thing you can try is simply moving around. This can help to diffuse a situation when your dog has an adrenaline surge. So, try to keep walking about or jogging and get those endorphins going to offset the cortisol dump.

Step 4: Use a calm, loving touch

If you feel it’s an appropriate time, you could try touching your dog to calm them down. You might not want to do this straight away if they’re upset. But that calm, loving touch and connection can help you and your dog release some oxytocin.

Step 5: The gratitude reset

I mentioned this earlier, but step five in the Back to Grazing Protocol is to do a gratitude reset. Find things to be grateful for. Remember the connection you feel with your dog and how grateful you are for them. Even when you’re frustrated, I recommend picking something simple like “I’m grateful for the sunshine” or “I’m grateful for the fresh air.”

It doesn’t matter what it is. It just matters that your mind is occupied with something that inspires contentment and love. Your dog will pick that up from you.

“There are no failures. There are only opportunities to learn.”

Step 6: Smile

The last piece of the Back to Grazing Protocol is to just smile and let nature do its magic. This, plus physical movement, a loving touch, and practicing gratitude, will help you to diffuse the situation for both you and your dog.

Just try to remember that there are no failures, only opportunities to learn. That’s what I teach in the Brilliant Partners Academy, so for those of you who are already BPA members, this is a reminder for you that I hope helps you to become even better partners with your dogs.

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast – Enlightened By Dogs. It’s episode 161, which you can listen to here.

The post How to Use the “Back to Grazing Protocol” appeared first on Dancing Hearts.

We all have dreams, goals, and aspirations, but what is the key to achieving them?

One of the most common pieces of advice is that you need to change your mindset to achieve your dreams. After all, your mindset is key to everything in your life. It affects your health and wellness, financial status, career, and the relationships you have in your life – including the partnership you have with your dog.

Mindset matters, but does just changing your mindset ever really work? I talk a lot about mindset on this blog and podcast. But this time, we’re going to take a deep dive into why mindset matters, how it relates to our habits, and why changing it doesn’t always work.

In this post, I discuss why achieving your dreams isn’t just about mindset. It’s about the actions we take and the dreams and feelings we strive for.

“Anytime that you say you want to change your mindset, what you’re really saying is that you want to change a habit.”

What do we really mean when we say, “change our mindset”?

Like most of us, you’ve probably been advised to change your mindset to achieve the things you want. Maybe your parents, coaches, teachers, or motivational speakers said, “you just need a better mindset.”

You may even give it a crack but then find a few days later that you slip back into old habits. Why does this happen? The truth is that when we say mindset, what we’re really talking about is changing your habits and thinking patterns.

The first step is to understand that there are different segments of the brain responsible for different things.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve probably heard me mention what some call the reptilian part of the brain. It’s the oldest part of the brain. Then there’s the limbic system, which handles all your emotions, and then the prefrontal cortex, which is the largest part of the brain. That handles all your thinking.

Anytime you want to change your mindset, that desire does not come from the limbic part of your brain. It doesn’t come from the reptilian part of the brain either. Instead, it comes from the prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for thinking.

If there’s something we want to do, be, or have in our lives that isn’t already there, it’s simply because we don’t have the habits in place to support it. So, when we focus on changing our mindset, we really need to focus on changing our habits. It’s our habits that will create the outcomes we want in our lives.

The problem is that our habits come from a different part of the brain, not the prefrontal cortex. They come from the oldest part of the brain, that reptilian part. When different parts of the brain are in conflict with each other, the reptilian brain will always win.

That’s what I mean when I say simply changing your mindset doesn’t work.

In order to create lasting change, to create a life we love, we must work with our brain to understand it and retrain it to facilitate new habits. This all takes small baby steps.

How do we create new habits?

It all starts with a thought and a bit of imagination.

In my Creative Alchemy Passion Plan program where we focus on creating the life of our dreams, one thing I like to do is ask people to imagine they have all the time, money, and resources they want. Imagine what you really want your life to look like. Imagine that you’re already there and get immersed in that feeling.

The reality is that wanting things in our lives is all about that feeling. Wanting a different life and experience is all so we can experience that feeling of contentment. The desire for vacations, a nice car, a house, and a great partnership with our dogs all generate that feeling.

The new car, vacation, or a partnership with our dog don’t have any meaning by themselves. It’s that feeling that we want to enjoy when we have those things that is the real motivator to create change in our life.

Understanding this feeling is important because it drives everything we do. It inspires us to take action. So it’s so important to discover what is truly important to YOU, not your friends or family, not your coach or your neighbor. What’s important to you?

Once you understand what it is you truly want, and why you want it (how you want to feel) … you can take action and create new habits to get there. Remember that it’s not about the goal itself. It’s about feeling the way you do once you achieve it. And your true and deep emotions are the most meaningful roadmap to your heart and the authentic you. Your real feelings are the strongest, most inspiring motivators possible.

This idea is how I have lived my life, and what I’ve taught people to do for about 15 years now.

Start with the baby steps

Understanding yourself and your feelings is a deep process. When it comes to developing habits and changing your life, it’s important to start small. One of my mantras is, “dream big, start small, and keep going.”

Real change starts with believing in ourselves, believing that we can create real change, and then retraining our brains.

We are hardwired to follow patterns and habits, whether we realize it or not. Unless you create new habits that align with your dreams and goals, nothing will change. So during this process, we want to stay connected to our dreams at all times.

One of my favorite ways to create new habits is to have a very specific morning ritual. During the morning, I’m always dreaming and imagining the feelings I want to feel in the future. I set my intentions for the day and decide what the next actions will be for the day ahead.

Having certain rituals are a powerful way to retrain your brain and mind to work in harmony. You have probably heard that famous Aristotle quote I love, “we are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is then not an act, but a habit.”

Below I want to share what Nancy, one of the gals in our Creative Alchemy (CAPP) program wrote to me:

“I needed to find peace in my daily life and to reframe the difficult situations in my life. I knew that Kathy’s methods would resonate with me, and I actually wanted to join the year earlier, but I hesitated. And when the program came up again, I knew I had to join even though I would miss several of the dates.

Kathy’s program suddenly made me understand the true meaning of baby steps. Small changes build confidence and helped me on the road to achieving my goals. It also helped me to realize that there are other people who believe in deeper connections to the world and people around us. My life has changed in small ways that may not be easily visible to other people.

I now have a small voice that speaks to me about kindness, acceptance and considering all the possibilities. I no longer give a standard answer, but I try to give a heartfelt response.

My new morning routine includes listening to a short motivational podcast, and that in turn encouraged me to journal and have deeper discoveries. I feel more peaceful and open. I also express myself more freely and with a greater emphasis on compassion and empathy. Outwardly, my future is still somewhat determined by my circumstances, but my approach to the future will be one where I make choices, release my fears and open up to new possibilities.”

I love that, isn’t that what it’s all about? I think that’s so valuable and important, and I hope it inspires you to take some of those baby steps to change your life and achieve your goals.

If you’d like to work with me and learn how to create a partnership lifestyle for you and your dog, you can request an invitation to join us in the Brilliant Partners Academy when the doors open for the next enrollment!

You can listen to everything I talked about in this blog post over on my podcast – Enlightened By Dogs. It’s episode 160, which you can listen to here.

The post How to Build New Habits to Create a New Life appeared first on Dancing Hearts.