DANGEROUS DAYS

Alexander Wang for Balenciaga: Race and Money

2013-02-28T12:28:00.001-08:00

Today Alexander Wang unveils his inaugural collection for Balenciaga. The fashion world nearly burst into flames last December when the California-raised, 29 year old designer was announced as Creative Director for the European design house. The choice was unexpected (yet totally expected) as an American designer had not assumed a European brand since Marc Jacobs took creative control at Louis Vuitton in the 1990’s. A couple of weeks ago, PPR the company that owns Balenciaga, said that Wang’s appointment was part of a plan to make the brand more “approachable, with a certain youthful sportiness”.

In short, Balenciaga wants to be hot and sexy among Millennials again (like they were in 2006) and believe Alexander Wang is the man to do it. But by hiring a creative director that instinctually connects with and represents a global fashion consciousness, Balenciaga may unintentionally be is poised to change the fashion status quo.

In under a decade, Wang has clawed his way to the peak of fashion notoriety and the top of every sixteen to thirty-something’s covet list by generating organic, effortlessly chic street clothing that mirrors and embodies what is captured in fashion blogs from around the world.

Balenciaga is already pretty sporty and somewhat youthful, but where they fall short is the approachable part. However it’s important to note that Wang won’t ignite widespread desire for Balenciaga simply by taking the design house in new stylistic directions or even by giving it a complete makeover. Wang’s creative contributions will be in the way the brand interfaces with consumers.

Wang is the motherfucking man when it comes to engaging Millennials. His eponymous label has kept its allure by artfully finding a balance between being attainable and unattainable by using social media and more traditional PR.

Rumi Neely is the star and subject of the most visited fashion blogs, Fashion Toast, with nearly three hundred thousand followers between her Instagram and Twitter accounts, with another fifty thousand friends on Facebook, and is one of Wang’s conduits to the masses. Every season she flaunts his most sold out it items, whetting the appetite of millions of shoppers. Alexander Wang understands that fashion bloggers are the social media-based evolution of “word-of-mouth”.

Wang’s label also remains painfully unattainable by appearing on the top celebrities like Rihanna and Azealia Banks. The Fashion Bomb Daily is just one of countless sites dedicated to dissecting the outfits of these young women as they dodge the paparazzi or pose on the red carpet. Who needs ads and editorials in Vogue when you can get the publicity in real life, in real time, distributed widely, on the most watched icons of your time. You can see why PPR gave him the job.

Rumi with Alexander Wang Wang with Azealia Banks

Balenciaga hopes to engage the Millennial consumer market. The Millennial generation was born post 1980 and are between 18 and 30 years old. They outnumber aging baby boomers and are three times larger than the generation that follows. They don’t watch TV and default to social media and pop culture to influence lifestyle decisions. Millennial’s are also the most racially and ethnically diverse generation the US has ever known. For Millennials to want to adopt a brand, it must embody them and reflect their essence. If Balenciaga truly wants to connect with them they are going to have to reflect the global Millennial consumer not only in the brand, but in its advertising and runway shows as well.

This could shake up the fashion industry status quo when it comes to racial inclusivity. Currently the fashion industry is very white and is getting whiter by the moment. Sure, it embraces ethnicity and diversity in inspiration and pattern, but there is virtually no ethnic diversity in models cast to represent brands in ad campaigns and on the runways. Jezebel conducted its fifth annual scan of New York Fashion Week Fall Season 2013 models and found that only 17% of the 4479 models were people of color.

I don’t think this shift will happen simply because Wang is the first designer of Asian descent to enter the ranks of Parisian high fashion - I’m making such an assertion because Balenciaga may not have a choice. Wang’s PR relationships are already firmly established in urban demographics and those relationships drive sales.

If Balenciaga is smart and wants to yield the desired results, they’ll just sit back and let Wang do what he does so well to capture the hearts and disposable income of young people around the world.

Its no doubt Wang has some serious work to do. In a year, one of the definitive fashion houses could start a trend of embracing and depicting the global fashion consciousness that would reshape how the fashion industry integrates race. Or Wang could do what every professional ball player from the hood does after they reach success; dump the black girl who was with them from the start and “trade up” for a white girl.

I do see one barrier to Balenciaga becoming “approachable, with a certain youthful sportiness,” and that’s with price. Millennial’s have a different perception of luxury than previous generations and define it by functionality and what they can’t live without. They know most luxury brands will eventually produce a diffusion line with lower priced collections as every major designer has created a partnership with Target or H&M. Or they can wait until items go on sale or turn up at outlets.

To illustrate this point, Alexander Wang’s namesake labels most coveted Liya heels sell for $495 (when they’re not completely sold out), compared to Balenciaga’s Harness Platform Boot that had bitches salivating from 2006 to 2009. They were about $1,100. When a majority of Millennials are either unemployed, underpaid, or weighed down with student loans, $1,100 shoes aren’t all that sporty or approachable at all.

Check out the Balenciaga Autumn Fall 2013 collection and let me know what you think.

Invisible War [Flash Review]

2013-02-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

Invisible War isn’t just a documentary about the numerous instances of rape in the military. It’s a film that explores the somewhat idealistic people that were willing to give everything to serve their country and the horrendous treatment they received from their colleagues, the justice system and various branches of the U.S. Government upon reporting a crime that should have never happened to them.

In short, I was infuriated by the eerily similar stories from women and men that describe a military culture where rape is considered an “occupational hazard”. The assaults, the retaliation and the lack of oversight is heartbreaking and makes me wonder if my tax dollars should continue to fund an institution like this.

Why am I paying to support rape culture? If the military were a store, I’d stop shopping there.

After watching so many documentaries, I wonder if they ended up sparking the kind of change they set out to. Kirby Dick’s documentary has received critical acclaim and picked up steam online in the last year, causing Secretary of Defense, Leon Panetta, to change procedure in rape reporting, directing commanders to hand investigations over to a higher rank. I guess that’s the least he could fucking do. Invisible War is on Netflix. Watch it and let me know what you think.

kink [Documentary Preview]

2013-02-21T09:00:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time I witnessed a Kink.com production. I’ll spill the tea on that visit in another blog but what I can say is that what I witnessed in the San Francisco Armory, didn’t feel like pornography. It felt like an organized and orchestrated production, supported by elaborate sets, cleaning supplies, the workshop of your dreams and tons of enthusiastic employees.

The documentary, simply called kink, takes a look at the complexities of the scene and the people behind the million-dollar BDSM business because my peek behind-the-scenes was pretty cool. Who knew builders fabricated sets from the ground up, creating supposed filthy dungeons that were actually sterile with foam floors for the models comfort. The art direction was almost extravagant - think Boardwalk Empire Prohibition Saloon. And the talent and directors shared a sex positive perspective where the models were always in control.

Director Christina Voros and producer James Franco pull back the curtain on the fetish empire of Kink.com, the Internet’s largest producer of BDSM content.

In a particularly obscure corner of an industry that operates largely out of public view, Kink.com’s directors and models strive for authenticity. In an enterprise often known for exploitative practices, Kink.com upholds an ironclad set of values to foster an environment that is safe, sane, and consensual. They aim to demystify the BDSM lifestyle, and to serve as an example and an educational resource for the BDSM community.

kink premiered at Sundance on January 19th, and has gotten some attention because it was produced by James Franco. Culturally current docs are kind of rare, so to have one that's can illuminate while aligning with the mainstreams ever-growing curiosity with BDSM, ushered in by vampires and Fifty Shades of Gray, as its happening is pretty cool. Audiences are ready for an interesting and objective portrait of an under explored subculture and the people that make BDSM dreams a reality.

Most Anticipated Movies of 2013 (That Hopefully Won't Suck) [Film Preview]

2013-02-20T08:30:00.000-08:00

I’ve felt totally let down by the film industry. Lately, a majority of movies have been predictable, uninspiring and poorly executed. The medium can rarely be relied on as a source of provocative and stimulating content or even just as plain entertainment. Year after year, promising films from talented people that should be amazing, like Prometheus, just fucking suck. Otherwise it’s a senseless remake, reboot or adaptation. So I’m not hopeful for the year ahead, but what the fuck - here are a few of the movies I’m looking forward to, even though I should know better.

Elysium

District 9 blew my mind in plot, character, acting and effects so much that I can barely hold it together until director Neill Blomkamp’s second feature film, Elysium, arrives on August 9th. The movie follows Matt Damon as he tries to escape a ruined Earth by earning his way to the wealthy space station of Elysium. Blomkamp has such a visceral and action packed approach to seemingly played out sci-fi premises that his vision of future Earth will undoubtedly be a suspenseful, intense and clever commentary. No trailer yet but the cast and the pictures so far look EPIC.

Gravity

Gravity, the highly anticipated sci-fi thriller from Alfonso Cuaron is set to drop on October 4th. It’s about two astronauts who lose their space shuttle and find themselves “completely alone – tethered to nothing but each other and spiraling out into the blackness”. The Children of Men director redefined cinema with his one-shot action sequences that perfectly complemented stories of humanity and desperation. No trailer yet either, but word on the street is that he’s found yet another way to tweak special effects to take that humanity and desperation to the next level in the dead of space. I’m not enthused by the casting of George Clooney and Sandra Bullock, but I’m hopeful they’ll rise to the occasion. If not, I’ve seen Cuaron do more with less.

Pacific Rim

I was more excited for Pacific Rim before seeing the trailer. Afterwards I can accept that it will most likely be a live action anime for kids and not the hard edge epic I was hoping for. But if anyone can do giant robot battles masterfully, Guillermo del Toro can. Pacific Rim kicks off when mysterious monsters, known as Kaiju, rise from the sea, humanity bands together to construct massive skyscraper tall robots called Jaegers to fight the seemingly endless enemies. The cast is the kind of cast I dream about, stacked with Charlie Hunnam and Ron Perlman from Sons of Anarchy, Idris Elba from The Wire and Japanese cinema hottie Rinko Kikuchi.

Stoker

Based on the trailer, I have no idea what’s happening in Stoker but it’s by Chan Wook Park, the mastermind behind Oldboy, a movie so complex and lush that its essence couldn’t possibly be conveyed by a trailer, so I’m keeping an open mind. Boundaries will be tested as a young girl develops a questionable relationship with a long lost uncle under the watchful eye of her unstable mother. I’m never thrilled with the results of Asian directors working with American actors, but on March 1st I’ll tolerate Nicole Kidman’s frozen face for a serving of Park’s special brand of mindfuck.

The Grandmaster

Wong Kar Wai is one of the top filmmakers of our time. He is a visionary on all levels, from the detail in each shot to the emotive soundtracks, and if you haven’t seen one of his other movies, you’re truly missing out. The Grandmaster reunites Kar Wai with his leading man Tony Leung Chiu Wai for the long awaited biopic of Wing Chun pioneer Ip Man. The film is set to open in the US sometime in January and it’s no doubt that the martial arts, paired with his slow, deliberate shooting style will yield an elegant visual feast.

Yo Feminists! Why Aren’t You Talking About Ronda Rousey? (ps. She’s the First Ultimate Fighting Championship Female Champion)

2013-02-19T10:36:00.001-08:00

This weekend at UFC 157, history will be made as the first women’s title fight in the worlds largest MMA promotion takes center stage in front of millions on Pay Per View. So why isn’t the mainstream feminist media talking about the championship event and its stars?

For those of you that don’t know, Mixed Martial Arts is a mixture of kickboxing, boxing, martial arts, wrestling and jiu jitsu. Up until now, The Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC), the premiere MMA organization, has only permitted male mixed martial arts fighters. That's why the upcoming match between Liz Carmouche and Ronda Rousey for the Women’s Bantamweight belt should be a big deal to anyone that purports to care about women’s equality.

Ronda Rousey is the 2008 US Olympic Judo Bronze Medalist (first American female ever to place in Olympic Judo) and the current UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion. Her challenger, Liz Carmouche, is a former US Marine and the UFC’s first openly gay fighter.

The UFC, previously skeptics of women’s mixed martial arts, now believe that the they possess an equal, if not superior technical ability and positioning them as the main event, with male former champions as co-main events shows their commitment to that belief. This quick integration of female competitors in the same spotlight as their male counterparts is almost unheard of in any other sport. The National Basketball Association (NBA), the pre-eminent men's professional basketball league began in 1946 and didn’t add the Women’s NBA, a completely separate league until 1996! Does anybody watch the WNBA? By comparison, Mixed Martial Arts, which arose in 1993 then mainstreamed by adopting unified rules in 2000, is adding a women’s division in 2013.

However, it’s important to note the UFC’s progressive move is not driven by altruism. They know there’s money to be made because the interest is there. How many people can name a top-level women’s basketball player off the top of their head? Even the most causal fans in MMA can list three other top-level female fighters.

There’s also a lot of interest in WMMA from the media. Rousey has received an unparalleled amount of attention, appearing on Conan, Jim Rome’s show, and on ESPN’s The Magazine “Body Issue”. Unfortunately, most WMMA fighters do not receive the same level of fame and pay as Ronda yet, but the title fight this weekend further opens the door for better exposure, pay and recognition for all female fighters.

And so again I must ask, why aren’t the feminists giving this event all the recognition it deserves? There’s been virtually no coverage of the women actually fighting to change the social constructs of how women are viewed, paid and allowed to compete.

Ignorance to Mixed Martial Arts or the Ultimate Fighting Championship is no excuse. Are feminists more comfortable aligning themselves with an online movement that’s focused on preventing victimization, rather than empowerment? Or has Ronda’s/Liz’s chosen profession alienated them so much from feminist ideals that women simply don’t identify with them or see their own struggles reflected in their accomplishments?

Real Sports 191: Ronda Rousey

Whether or not you identify with Ronda or Liz (though I’m sure many would if they watched the pre-fight Primetime series), if you’re concerned about women’s rights and creating opportunities for women in society, supporting them would be a good idea. The willingness of the UFC to promote WMMA can signal changes in women’s pay and accolades in other areas of life. Feminists, get your shit together. Write about these ladies, interview them, listen to their journeys and values, and treat them like the heroes they are.

Or better yet, put your money where your mouth is, buy the PPV and see these women in action at UFC 157 - watch with an open mind...you might just have it blown.

U.S. Navy + Dubstep = BATH SALTS: It’s not a fad… it’s a NIGHTMARE

2013-01-16T11:03:00.003-08:00

A few days ago someone special stopped me and insisted I watch the following PSA.

What ensued was a 6 minute cautionary tale following a young naval officer who scores some bath salts in the mail, does a FAT line, then proceeds to go bowling with his girl. Things are fine until they aren't, which is usually the case in life and with drugs. Bowling goes bad after he starts to hallucinate. He punches his girl in the face and goes on a rampage to throbbing dubsteb beats. General bad times unfold and our naval officer ends up strapped to a bed in a hospital.

Cut to Lieutenant George Loeffer, Psychiatric Resident at the Naval Medical Center in San Diego. He breaks down what bath salts are, where to get them and how to ingest them. He also tells us that the paranoia and psychosis that people experience can linger and that bath salt users can make schizophrenic. He says people turn to bath salts because of "stresses in their lives" and that these drugs magnify those problems. Word.

Bath salts (also nicknamed plant food) is slang for a group of stimulant hallucinogens that contain methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MDPV) or mephedrone — which prevent the reuptake of norepinephrine, dopamine and serotonin. Keeping the brain drenched in those feel-good chemicals that can lead to euphoria — but also to seizures, tachycardia, paranoia, hallucinations, violence and death.

The PSA, which has 523,996 + views on Youtube, feels like when an old person thinks they know what’s hip. All of the collaborators behind this absurd video that rehashes the same old fear-based drug prevention campaigns that haven’t been effective in their twenty years of existence should be put on a space ship and sent to the sun. In trying to be hip and speak the same language as Millennials, they may have actually made an enticing commercial for bath salts.

This is particularly alarming as multiple sources report that usage of the synthetic drug is on the rise across the country. This makes the Navy’s invocation of corny gimmicks even more puzzling.

To the best of my knowledge, the general public associates bath salts with chewing someone’s face off in the street like a zombie. Various accounts from Erowid.com contributors pretty much confirms the same. So why not get real about the social, financial, emotional and physical "stresses" that contribute to drug abuse.

This is a major fail by the Navy. They missed an opportunity to make an authentic PSA with real advice on what to do when turning to schizophrenia inducing drugs seems like the only good thing to do.

Depicting Reality, Responsibly [television]

2010-01-15T16:15:00.000-08:00

Is MTV finally trying to step up and be responsible for the imagery they market to youth?

By the first decade of the 21st century, MTV had sunk from a pioneering music video channel, to a slightly less music-centric station that introduced the concept of "reality television" to the world, to the very lowest form of superficial, exploitative entertainment - all the while drifting farther and farther from the concept that catapulted them to the top of the pop culture spectrum.

Recently, however, the network seems to be more aware of the influence they hold over the youth of the world and - gasp - could it be that they've started taking steps to become more responsible with what they depict on their airwaves?

Tuning into MTV and its sister station VH1 today, you might never know that both stations once boasted a roster of all music videos all the time. In fact, you're not likely to ever see a video in its entirety anymore these days. Instead, you will find hour after hour of "reality" shows like their flagship "Real World" series, now in its 23rd season set in Washington, D.C.

"Real World" began as a kind of social experiment, putting seven strangers from all different walks of life in the same apartment for several months and filming the results.

The first few seasons sported castmembers as varied as police officers, standup comedians, cartoonists, doctors, aspiring musicians and even bike messengers. But by the time the show had reached its 12th season in Las Vegas, it had descended into non-stop booze-fueled orgies starring barely legal, barely functional, barely coherent 18 to 22-year-olds with no goals, no careers and no prerogatives other than partying and hooking up.

This was a trend that would continue until Season 20 of the show, which attempted to take away some of that stigma by requiring that castmembers actively pursue an individual career goal throughout the season. Even so, drinking and debauchery remained rampant, with one housemate even being sent to rehab for his substance abuse problems.

Sparked by the "Real World" legacy, MTV created several other reality shows focusing less on the social experiment concept and more on the potential for reality docu-drama. "My Super Sweet 16," "Laguna Beach," "The Hills" and "The City" took America's obsession with wealth, status and blind consumerism to new lows, packaging them as soap opera stories about the everyday lives of "average American teens."

In reality, the shows amounted to little more than how-to guides for leading frivolous, high-drama, low-awareness, image-obsessed consumerist lifestyles for young, impressionable youth. Often depicting underage drinking, rampant hookups and partying, shows like "Laguna Beach" and its spinoff "The Hills" taught teens - especially young women - that in order to be cool, you must wear the newest designer clothes and bags, sexualize your barely developed body so that men will shower you with affection, party in lavish beachside mansions and use school as little more than a place to meet potential sexual partners or makeout buddies.

"My Super Sweet 16" was devoted entirely to spotlighting spoiled rich kids as they devoted all their time and (parent's) money to throwing over-the-top, Hollywood-style parties in which they wear next to nothing (just like their idols), dance suggestively, feign drinking booze and inevitably receive a tricked-out luxury vehicle in front of a crowd of jealous, but awestruck onlookers. Essentially dress rehearsals for life as a coke addicted wannabe Hollywood debutante because, hey ... that's the dream, right?

The days of kids growing up with dreams of being astronauts or firefighters were long gone, replaced by such respectable career aspirations as "Bar Skank," "Person Who Is Famous Simply For Being Famous," "Insecure Drunk Slut Who Derives Self Worth From Anonymous Male Attention."

More recently with reality dating shows like "Flavor of Love," "Rock of Love," "Real Chance at Love" and "For The Love of Ray J," MTV Networks have yet again taken to seeking out unstable fame leeches, sticking them in a confined environment where booze is readily available at all times and the likelihood of stress-inducing situations are high and cashing in on the results. Even more disturbing is the image these shows put forth about the dynamics of romantic relationships.

Not only are contestants expected to fling themselves at a single alpha figure whom they are all vying for the affection of, they are treated as little more than outfits to be tried on, tested out and tossed aside before moving on to the next in the hopes of finding that perfect fit. One person making out with 10 different potential mates in the span of an hour is a common occurrence with no acknowledgment of how incredibly nasty and potentially dangerous that kind of behavior is. Uhh ... herpes, anyone?

But even in light of all of these negative, irresponsible images the network is portraying, I've noticed a new trend emerging, one that seems to be trying to counteract the harm they've caused and educate viewers on the potential pitfalls of the lifestyle the media so blatantly glamorizes.

In response to the images put forth by "My Super Sweet 16," MTV created "Exiled," a spinoff in which former stars of the "Sweet 16" show are sent by their families to live in third world countries for a reality check and to expose them to how most of the world lives while they waste their teen years coveting an unrealistically lavish lifestyle. The teens are adopted for a week by a family living in impoverished (compared to the society they come from) conditions and expected to live, work and contribute as they do in order to learn responsibility.

Dr. Drew Pinsky's "Celebrity Rehab" series sheds light on the end results of the glamorized party lifestyle made desirable by people like Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Amy Winehouse and other stars idolized by susceptible youngsters. "Celebrity Rehab," "Sober House" and "Sex Rehab" attempt to expose the reality of substance abuse and more importantly, how trauma, insecurity, self doubt, family history and environment manifest themselves throughout people's lives in unhealthy, self destructive ways.

Viewers are not spared the explicit details of the patients' pasts, the inner workings of their minds and the depth of their self-reflection in hopes that average people will begin to understand the complexities of addiction and how it manifests itself in seemingly unrelated aspects of their lives.

Other shows attempt to teach people, usually the contestants on the network's more exploitative shows like "Rock of Love" and others, how to be responsible human beings through various forms of "charm school." These shows approach the psychology behind bad behavior and attempt to rehabilitate their castmembers by having celebrity figures and show hosts act as stand-ins for authority figures the contestants probably never had (or respected) in their lives growing up.

"Charm School," "From G's to Gents" and "Tough Love" are all examples of this kind of social experiment.

"Tough Love" especially is one of these psychological boot camps masquerading as a matchmaking show in which an alpha male acts as the disapproving father figure to a group of females that seek out male attention for validation or have unhealthy expectations of what a relationship is supposed to be. At first sight, "Tough Love" appears to be a very misogynistic show where a man stands on a high horse and belittles women in an attempt to mold them into "what men want." But on closer inspection, a lot of these girls really do need a stern hand to guide them and most women can tell you that something about the female dynamic makes it much easier for a woman to take male advice to heart than advice from a fellow female.

This is especially true of women who have a history of seeking male validation as they tend to view critical women as threats to them. When you take a step back and look at the ultimate goal of breaking down these women, it becomes less misogynistic and more therapeutic. They aren't being taught to be objects of male attention, but rather to respect themselves, have confidence, manners and common sense in order to start attracting the right kind of attention from the right kind of people.

In light of these attempts to seemingly balance out the images portrayed to youth and perhaps be a bit more responsible with the molding power the media giant possesses, more questions still remain. Is it too little too late? Are these methods actually effective? Have they already indoctrinated an entire generation of kids irreparably?

By exploiting the neuroses they themselves have actively contributed to the proliferation of, are they really helping the situation or just digging a deeper hole for themselves and their viewers? Is the fact that they still portray the negative imagery alongside the positive hypocritical?

Should MTV and the media in general be responsible for the images they advertise directly to children, teens and young adults? We're not talking about adult materials falling into the hands of minors here - this is no "Grand Theft Auto" violent video game scandal. This is meant specifically to appeal to minors and makes no attempt to cater itself to the mental susceptibility of the intended viewers.

It may take years to fully understand the implications and impact of the imagery and lifestyle the MTV Networks and other media outlets have burned into the psyches of the current generation of youngsters, but the discussion needs to happen now. On one hand, I'm proud of MTV for at least attempting to balance things out, but on the other I feel like they tow the line and even with the positive changes, weigh much more heavily on the side of negative reinforcement than being a positive role model for kids.

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repost from: www.insideblip.com

Flash Reviews: Battlestar Galactica: The Plan [television]

2009-10-23T16:00:00.000-07:00

Battlestar Galactica: The Plan (2009)
Sci-Fi/Action/Drama; USA
112 minutes

Any reader of this site more than likely knows that my love of Ron Moore's "Battlestar Galactica" is rivaled only by my complete disdain for how the show ended its, up until then, nearly flawless run. For hardcore fans that were as disappointed with the finale as I was, "The Plan" was our last great hope for a decent send-off for the show. Unfortunately, nothing short of a flawless masterpiece of modern cinema could wash away that bad taste left by the sloppily thrown togehter ending and a flawless masterpiece "The Plan" is not.

That's not to say it's total garbage because there is a lot to enjoy about the story. There are some great dramatic scenes, a bunch of cool post-apocalyptic imagery, a whole heaping helping of nudity as well as interesting footnotes to previous seasons presented. However, the film itself ends up feeling more like a hodgepodge of deleted scenes rather than a complete, cohesive story. The plot jumps around the timeline, spanning from the original miniseries up until the end of Season 2, using footage from the show to provide context for the new additions. It's difficult to find a sensible story running through the patchwork of scenes and as a result the film acts more like a 2-hour "previously on Battlestar Galactica" bump than a true standalone movie like "Razor".

The one thing that holds "The Plan" together enough to be decently enjoyable is Dean Stockwell's excellent performance as Number One a.k.a. Brother John Cavil. I wasn't quite happy with the Season 4.5 turn his character made, essentially casting him as the villain in a series that up until that point had primarily been about the relative nature of good and evil, but as usual, when you flesh an idea out it becomes less black and white and that was definitely the case here. His actions and his character's psyche are the main draw of the film, which aside from that, merely retreads a lot of things that were always pretty solidly hinted at throughout the series, even if never expressly stated. Anyone who paid attention during the first two seasons of the show will already have known what the Cylon plan was and this movie does very little to shed more light on it. Actually, it makes it a little fuzzier by not dealing with or even acknowledging the Cylon's desire to reproduce naturally, which seemed to be a big part of their plan in the first few seasons.

Final verdict - for hardcore fans only.

Give this some time if you're into: Battlestar Galactica, boobs, ass, penis

'Sons of Anarchy' Pwns Network Television [television]

2009-10-23T11:41:00.000-07:00

Basic cable series draws serious numbers with sheer badassery

We're big fans of FX's biker crime drama "Sons of Anarchy" here at Dangerous Days, so it's good news to hear that the show is finally finding an audience. This week, the series came out on top of the Tuesday night ratings pool - above Jay Leno and everything else in it's time slot - a rarity for a scripted drama on cable television.

In a post on his personal blog, "SoA" creator and former "The Shield" writer, Kurt Sutter, waxes philosophical about the problems major networks are facing with their programming formulas:

The reason most network scripted dramas suck is because of the process. For the most part, you have a collection of young, half-bright development executives who wouldn’t know a good story idea if it set itself on fire and fucked their mothers while singing “Cheyenne Anthem” from Leftoverture. So they do what most chimpanzees do -- they ape and throw shit. Developing shows based on what they think people want to see. Churning out clones of semi-successful shows. Looking for a “hook” to market. It’s never about the story or characters. That would demand talent, patience and an open mind.

That's exactly what I've been saying, Kurt...exactly! I gotta love a man after my own heart. Read the rest of Sutter's rant here.

"Sons of Anarchy" airs on the FX Network Tuesday nights at 10pm. Watch it!

Tyra Banks Must Be Stopped [television]

2009-10-15T11:52:00.000-07:00

The former supermodel-turned-media-mogul is officially out of her goddamn mind

What is the single largest threat to our nation's impressionable youth? Reefer? Alcohol? Meth? Al Qaeda? Rap music?

No, folks. I have had a vision of the end and amongst all the fire and brimstone there was one face staring back at me with an evil, satisfied smile, joyously observing the chaos and destruction. It was the face of Lucifer himself, code name: Tyra Fucking Banks.

Back when she was just a former supermodel trying to break into the reality TV game with "America's Next Top Model," I didn't really have anything bad to say about Tyra. All I knew about her was that her body was pretty bangin' and that she did a stint on the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" way back before Will Smith was in every big budget sci-fi flick ever made.

She was harmless, really. But that's how they always start out. Then when she parlayed the success of her modeling series into a daytime talk show on network television, I thought, "Go girl! Make that money!" I wasn't mad at her.

However, that's when things started getting a little scary. After countless episodes watching her spout out armchair psychology to guests she brings on the show for the sole purpose of judging and condemning (under the guise of presenting the full spectrum of opinions), I started to ask myself -- what the hell qualifies this chick to get on a pedestal and pass judgment on anything, let alone the hot-button issues she so often tries to tackle in her quest to become the next Oprah?

I mean, let's be honest and go over the facts here. The only job she's ever had since her mid-teens is modeling. Her best friend is her mother. She's never gotten drunk or done drugs. She tried and failed at a music career. She tried and failed at an acting career (and continues to fail in her recent "Gossip Girl" guest spot).

She doesn't even have a college degree!

I'm not trying to be insulting, but generally when taking advice from someone, it's important to consider the source. For instance, you wouldn't get your matzah ball recipe from Mel Gibson, so why the hell would you even entertain Tyra Banks' thoughts on polyamory? Need I remind you that her best friend is her mom? I'm sorry, but this bitch knows nothing about polyamory!

But what about dating advice? That's an easy subject. She moved to Paris at 17 -- she must have had tons of experience with making dating mistakes, falling for the wrong guys, being taken advantage of for sex, making immature decisions without considering the consequences -- all the tragic things young girls go through trying to find themselves, right? Oh wait ... while she was supposed to be wasting away her late-teens doing coke rails off Parisian toilet seats and boning sleazy Euro-douche photographers on yachts in St. Bart's like any other self-respecting supermodel, she was sitting at home with her mom, painting her toenails and playing Scrabble.

The bitch is square!

What really gets me is when she attempts to talk about teens, especially females, having healthy body images. Don't get me wrong, I think kids today need an outlet to discuss these things, especially in a society that's so obsessed with sexualizing teens and promoting airbrushed ideals of beauty.

But again, consider the source.

You can tell kids, "Love yourself just the way you are," all you want, but when you show up on air with a different weave every episode and dedicate countless segments to beauty products that will help prevent wrinkles by smearing placenta on your face, you're kind of sending mixed signals.

"Sometimes, children, your natural beauty is a gift you should cherish and worship just the way it is, but sometimes it's a beast you should beat in line when it starts to deviate from the picturesque ideal you have in your head."

Recently, Banks debuted her new season on The CW by shelving the weaves for awhile and showing off her "real" hair as well as her slimmed down new physique. After her very public "kiss my fat ass" rally call a few seasons back, it would seem that Tyra herself has a hard time deciding if she wants to just be comfortable being a "normal person," as she implores her guests to do, or succumb to the strict standards of beauty that so offended her when she made that famous (as she'd have you believe) exclamation.

I'm not pointing these things out just to tear the woman down ... I simply feel like maybe she's not the right person to get up in front of millions of teens and act as some sort of guiding voice when she has neither a clear, consistent message nor the qualifications to educate youth without inadvertently turning their insecurities into full-blown psychological complexes.

But even that, folks, is not the real kicker here. Up until now I could live with the quagmire of Tyra's behavior. However, in light of the most recent season of "America's Next Top Model" Cycle 13 (aka "The Short Girl season") I can see a line in the sand quickly approaching.

It's obvious that Banks has had tons of success in the last decade of her career, to the point that she is inching ever closer to Oprah status with every new venture. Obvious, mostly because she never lets a second pass without reminding you just how spectacularly awesome she is -- whether it be by flaunting her Emmy wins, plastering oversized photos of herself over every inch of the Top Model house or by essentially acting like a big, voluptuous, tranny-fied pimp to the contestants, never for a moment allowing them to forget that she's given them everything and without her influence they would never even be considered by the modeling industry because of their height.

I only point this out because it's seeming obvious to me that the woman has become so successful that she no longer has anyone around her that will tell her "no" or slap some sense into her.

When it reaches the point that you are using the cross-promotion provided by your many television shows to attempt to coin new ridiculous phrases that you've made up yourself, hoping they'll catch on in the mainstream, you're about three to five years shy of Michael Jackson territory. When one reaches Michael Jackson territory (and yes, I believe that's the professional medical term), they are so insulated from reality by their own fame that it becomes impossible for anyone to realistically relay to them just how off their fucking rocker they truly are.

Like when someone with a straight face suggests that they stop calling them "makeovers" and instead call them "Ty-overs," as if that makes any kind of fucking sense whatsoever. Or shortening an already coined phrase "smile with your eyes" to one, easier to remember portmanteau - "smeyes."

Seriously, this is getting out of hand and believe me, it will only get worse unless someone stops this woman now before it's too late and we're all drinking Ty-Iced Tea at Star-Banks listening to Tyra's comeback album on our Ty-Pods.

Is that really the world you want your children growing up in?

Flash Reviews: Antichrist [movies]

2009-10-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

Antichrist (2009)
Psychological Drama/Horror; Denmark
109 minutes

"Antichrist" is the latest in a long line of bleak emotional gut wrenchers that pit a solitary female lead against a wealth of horribly scarring situations from arthouse superstar Lars von Trier. The Danish director has received a whole slew of criticisms against the perceived misogyny and shock value of "Antichrist", which only serve to illuminate just how little most people actually pay attention during movies. Is this film misogynistic? Uh, noooooo. Does it deal with misogyny as one of it's themes? Like a motherfucker it does! A subtlety that most movie-goers can't seem to pick up on.

"Antichrist" reminded me a lot of Stanley Kubrick's adaptation of "The Shining". It's a very artsy take on the horror genre, relying more on psychological fear than killer-jumping-out-of-the-closet scares. It features a lead character that is a writer who loses her goddamn mind and turns violent in a secluded mountainy forest setting. Creepy, surreal imagery is abound. The husband/wife/child dynamic is explored and Charlotte Gainsbourg happens to look a lot like Shelley Duvall. The big difference is that "Antichrist" is way more overtly political in it's themes of gender roles and oppression.

It's easy to look at a film that features such an extreme female character doing such extreme things (uh, total understatement, btw...some of this is not for the faint of heart) as being sexist or misogynistic, as many critics obviously have, but doing so completely disregards the intent of depicting those things in the first place (and also half of the other content of the film). Was "American History X" a racist movie because it depicted racism? There's a huge difference between that and, say, the two racist-ass cultural stereotypes portrayed so obliviously in "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen". Von Trier has a habit of putting his female leads through the ringer, but not necessarily out of some boner-inducing desire to see women suffer, but rather to illustrate just how much women do suffer in our male dominated world and how profound that suffering can be. Most importantly, he seeks to show that one, male or female, need not even be conscious of the oppression to actively participate in and contribute to it.

Give this some time if you're into: freaky shit, artsy-fartsy cinema, genital mutilation, gender identity, severe depression

Flash Reviews: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen [movies]

2009-10-08T09:35:00.000-07:00

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
Action/Sci-Fi; USA
150 uncalled for minutes

Okay, so a lot of people called me an idiot for not liking JJ Abrams' "Star Trek", yet most people can universally agree that "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a steaming pile of highly saturated, lens flaring, shaky cam shit. WTF, people? They're both written by the same motherfuckers! They both exhibit the same forays into total random stupidity. To point out the shittiness of one is to admit the same qualities exist in the other.

There isn't much to say about this movie other than it's just totally wanktastic. The colors are bright and shiny, the CGI is over-the-top and almost looks like stop-motion at times (not in a good way), the writing is ridiculously stupid and the story is just like...why? I'll admit that the Decepticons are pretty cool and the stuff in space was somewhat awesome looking, but beyond that it's just a total waste of time and money. If you're going to do mindless eye-candy, then for the love of all that's holy, do it with some kind of conviction! I like to see shit blowing up as much as the next guy, but if that's all you've got then at least make it a "rollercoaster ride of thrills and spills" and not just a "slowly moving escalator of stumbles and near misses". See "G.I. Joe" instead - at least you'll be mildly entertained.

The one thing I will say is that "T:ROTF" has some of the most heinous displays of racism portrayed on film since "Birth of a Nation".

Meet "Mudflaps" and "Skids" (both names that evoke shit, coincidentally) - the two jive-talkin' sambo-bots that provide the slapstick comic relief and colorful commentary for the majority of the film. Why? Who the fuck knows! Because it's in the script, I guess. They'll soft-shoe their way into your hearts and then proceed to cut them out with a switchblade while raping all the white women you've ever known. But, by golly, aren't they a hoot!?

Now, to be fair, they aren't the only robots in the movie that talk like they've heard one too many Ice Cube songs - in fact, most of the side characters are consistently reppin' their street cred for some reason. However, these are the only two characters who look like their parents downed three bottles of Nyquil and chased it with a crack pick-me-up every single day while pregnant with them.

Give this some time if you're into: sitting through hours of crap in the hopes that you'll see a little hint of Megan Fox's boobs. (SPOILERS) YOU DON'T SEE ANY! NOT EVEN SIDE-BOOB!

Related Posts:

Star Trek Gets All Michael Bay'd Out
Take Back The Movie Night
High Revelations on Michael Bay

Flash Reviews: Drag Me To Hell [movies]

2009-09-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

Drag Me To Hell (2009)
Horror; USA
99 minutes

I dig Sam Raimi for the most part. Some minor "Spider-Man" mistakes aside, he's usually pretty entertaining in that tongue-in-cheek kind of way, so I was pretty excited by his return to the horror genre with "Drag Me To Hell".

It was everything you expect from Sam Raimi. Some gross-out/totally-impossible-and-therefore-comic violence, some fast, quirky camera work, some humorous dialog and a few real scares...unfortunately, it just wasn't doing it for me. There were cool elements and the potential for a great movie in there, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking "huh...this movie is actually kinda racist!"

Now, I'm not saying it's intentionally racist - they don't use any slurs or anything outright offensive - no, it's the more subtle (and much more prevalent) kind of racism that's caused by someone not even stopping to consider what they're portraying on screen. Every ethnic character in this movie is some sort of spooky mystical medium and every spooky mystical medium in this movie is some kind of ethnic, so it's like everything weird, supernatural and scary is some exotic "other" and everything "normal" is blond hair, blue eyes. I don't think the Raimi Bros. are out to make any statement with that fact - it's just something I personally find really annoying because it's such a ubiquitous form of racism that's so easily remedied. Why not make the lead chick ethnic to balance it out, for instance? Oh, but that would never happen! And that's another reason this shit is kinda racist. They fill up all the side roles with the colored folks, but the main characters are always white. So yea - double subtle racist.

It's not a bad movie at all, it's entertaining enough - I just didn't like it.

Give this some time if you're into: Justin Long's banter, Raimi trademarks, Evil Dead, Darkman, horror in general, seeing shadows projected onto any and everything.

Flash Reviews: Brüno [movies]

2009-09-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

Brüno (2009)
Comedy/Cultural Parody; USA
81 minutes

It took me awhile to finally get around to seeing this movie - mostly because I'd already seen "Da Ali G Show" years ago, been underwhelmed by "Borat" and unimpressed by the trailers. "Brüno" was a lot better than I expected though.

Of course, it wasn't all laughs. There were jokes that fell flat or felt played out, but there were also parts that were just too LOL-worthy to pass up. And best of all, it's only an hour and twenty minutes, so it doesn't get the chance to ever get too tedious.

I heard through the grapevine that a lot of gays were offended by this movie because it portrays gay stereotypes. The only conclusion I can come to on that is that they never bothered to watch the movie or any of Sacha Baron Cohen's other projects. Or maybe they're just as ignorant as the people he parodies in this film. Either way, they totally missed the point. What's funny about Cohen's comedy isn't the stereotypes he employs, but the reactions those stereotypes elicit from people. You're supposed to laugh at how uncomfortable these people become when someone they think is a flaming queer is gyrating his crotch in hotpants mere inches from their faces - it's like Hitler himself is holding their first-born child's freshly skinned corpse over a tub of acid. They're stupid and that's funny.

It's also funny that people who deem themselves qualified to run for president, who presume to represent the people of America and their interests are so easily hoodwinked by a man who has been famous all over the world for over a decade now. I'm sorry, but if you don't know who Ali G is in the year 2009 then you simply aren't relevant. What if Ahmadinejad throws you some "rezpekt" (*snap)? You're not even gonna know what he's talking about and you'll make a fool out of us in front of the whole world. Maybe Ron Paul has been too busy worrying about the Gold Standard to bother realizing what year it is, but surely someone in his entourage has flipped on a TV in the last 10 years and seen enough to go "oh hey, I recognize that dude!" But no...

Give this some time if you're into: All things S.B.C. (not the phone company), laughing at ignorance, close ups of penises flopping in every direction

Previews: Avatar [movies]

2009-08-22T11:15:00.000-07:00

Avatar (2009)
Sci-Fi; USA
December 18, 2009

I was lucky enough to see one of the 3D IMAX screenings of the 15 minute extended preview for James Cameron's long awaited film "Avatar" yesterday. There has been a fair amount of hype regarding this film, it's use of 3D technology and it's advancements in CGI and I can safely say that the hype is mostly deserved. I say only mostly because it's incredibly hard to describe the effect of "Avatar" without overselling it. It's amazing, awe-inspiring and engrossing, but when you say that to someone it's like they expect that it's going to cure baby orphans of cancer or something. It doesn't. But it did suck me in like no movie ever has before.

If you've only seen the 2D trailer on the internet, it's easy to dismiss the film as looking cartoony, video gamey and "cool, but nothing revolutionary". Watching it in 3D, however, is a whole other experience. The Na'vi look like real creatures inhabiting real space. The environments are spectacular and photo-realistic (as photo-realistic as an alien planet with bio-luminescent plantlife can be) - aside from the parts you know must be CGI because nothing like them exists in real life, you don't even think about the fact that this whole planet is a green screen. The character CGI is truly impressive. You can see every single pore on the Na'vi's skin, every hair on their heads. You could see every iridescent scale on the dragon-like creature's body and the subtle contours of every tooth in their mouths. Did it look real? No, but that's because all of these things are obviously not real - but they looked pretty fucking cool! Obviously it still looked like a movie, not like virtual reality, but there are moments when you forget that it's a movie because of how used to seeing things in 2D we've become. It tricks your mind, if even for a second.

The only problem I had with the experience was the 3D glasses provided by IMAX. They reuse the motherfuckers so the lenses are kinda warped a little, which created a weird bloom effect with the edges of really bright objects. A few people I talked to experienced the same thing. Hopefully they'll produce their own glasses for the movie's release.

Otherwise, I officially have a full-on boner for this movie and can't wait until December 18th. James Cameron is one of the best genre filmmakers in the world and so far I've been nothing but impressed by what I've seen of "Avatar". I'm hoping more than anything that this movie will light a fire under people's asses and get them to step up their game.

Flash Reviews: District 9 [movies]

2009-08-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

District 9 (2009)
Sci-Fi; South Africa
112 minutes

One of my favorite sci-fi movies of the 80s was "Alien Nation". I'm not ashamed of this. But if you were to give that buddy cop flick about a race of aliens trying to integrate into life on Earth the Ron Moore style "Battlestar Galactica" reboot for modern times you'd most surely get something very close to "District 9". That's not an insult. Neil Blomkamp's directorial debut takes the same general concept as the Mandy Patinkin/James Caan movie, removes all of the hokeyness from the equation and makes it relevant to our times. It asks the question "what would happen if an alien mining ship filled with millions of hive-minded worker drones was stranded on Earth, cut off from their commanders" and then proceeds to play that concept out in a very realistic, but satirical manner.

The result is probably the best movie I've seen this year, hands down (though there's still "Avatar" to look forward to, of course). Usually, and especially with "summer blockbusters", you have to hit up several different films to satisfy the range of your intellectual interests. You go to "G.I. Joe" to get your whiz-bang action fix and maybe to "Virtuality" to scratch that itch for high-concept, intellectual sci-fi and then to something like "Thirst" to fill that artsy fartsy "I'm a serious filmmaker" void, but "District 9" is like one stop shopping. The conceptualist in me was intrigued by the ideas presented and the conclusions drawn about human nature and the dynamics of society - and yet the total geek in me was psyched to see badass alien mechs and crazy energy weapons that make people explode into bits on contact. Even the artfag in me was in awe watching the arbitrary beauty of the documentary-style handheld cinematography that captured the patchwork slums and urban decay of Johannesburg, South Africa. All sides were equally satisfied.

I know I've stated that there are some similarities to "Alien Nation" here, but this is not a remake or a reboot, it's not trying to cash in on your nostalgia or bank on an already successful property - it's an original concept that was widdled into an original movie by people who give a fuck about making good movies. See, Hollywood? See what happens when you come up with a cool idea and work tirelessly to bring it to life without hacking away at anything that might be deemed questionable to the lowest common denominator? You get a WIN, not a FAIL. Grab a post-it and jot that shit down.

Give this some time if you're into: Aliens, Battlestar Galactica, Alien Nation, City of God, Cops, just plain entertaining shit.

Flash Reviews: Thirst [movies]

2009-08-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

Thirst (2009)
Creepy Vampire Drama; South Korea
133 minutes

Chan-Wook Park, the director of "Oldboy", "Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance" and "Lady Vengeance" directing a vampire movie? I'm fucking there!

"Thirst" is the story of a middle-aged Catholic priest who contracts vampirism during a blood transfusion and then struggles with the effects it has on his life, his faith and his view of humanity as a whole. It's got everything you expect from Park - lush visuals, heavy psychological drama, surrealism, a dark bend, sex, violence...you know, all the reasons you watch movies. The only thing it's lacking from Park's usual repertoire is an amazing score, which does hinder the movie a bit. But aside from that, it's pretty great! A lot of the subtleties of "Thirst" will probably be lost on most viewers, however. There seem to be a lot of cultural things that don't really make sense to non-Koreans, but it doesn't necessarily make it any less interesting, just makes you scratch your head and wonder "WTF was that all about" at times.

This is yet another genre film that calls into focus just how lame we Americans have become in recent years. While we're churning out angsty-emo-kid bloodsuckers a la "Twilight"** and glorified romance-novel, Elvis-meets-Fabio style vamps in "True Blood"**, the rest of the world is coming up with unique takes on the mythology like this one, "Let the Right One In" (Sweden) and hell, even "Blood: The Last Vampire" (Japan). And, as usual, the general American public doesn't even seem to give a fuck. Maybe they don't know what they're missing...or maybe they just truly like overwrought crap.**

Give this some time if you're into: dark Korean movies, all things Chan-wook Park, vampires, religious crises, twisted acts.

**Sorry friends...I know some of you actually love this shit, but come on...you have to admit it's crap on more levels than not.

Flash Reviews: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra [movies]

2009-08-14T11:05:00.000-07:00

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
Action/Sci-Fi; USA
118 minutes

Ok, I stand corrected. When I heard they were making a live-action "G.I. Joe" movie my natural response was a little bit of 'meh' mixed with a dash of *barf* finished off with a pinch of WTF. But honestly, how could you blame me? That kind of thing usually goes horribly wrong, right? Transformers, Scooby Doo, Inspector Gadget...I mean, it's not exactly a strong track record of translating Saturday morning cartoons into live-action blockbusters.

Who knew? This movie is actually pretty awesome! Sienna Miller's questionable acting aside, most everything in "G.I. Joe" works - even Marlon Waynes! I know, right? But he only really slips on a few bits of dialog, which is really impressive considering his past tendencies. Usually I hate the wacky, ethnic comic relief sidekick bit in Hollywood movies, but strangely the writers actually elevated that role in "G.I. Joe". Not only does he live through the closing credits, but he also gets the chick AND saves the day while the white guy heartthrob is basically off chasing some pussy. That rarely happens, folks!

The element that ultimately makes this movie the shit is that the action is straight on point. That may not seem like a big deal because every summer movie has action in it these days, but rarely is it ever done right. You'll find no slow dolly tracking around choreographed martial arts battles in this film, nor will you find seizure inducing shaky-cam that renders all the action into blurs of grainy chaos. It's just old-fashioned anime influenced perfection that doesn't call too much attention to itself and just lets you sit back and go "Oh, shit!" Some of the CGI is shotty, but I've seen worse in bigger budget movies than this.

The bottom line is - what do you expect out of a G.I. Joe movie? What do you expect from the guy who directed "The Mummy"? You expect a spectacle of things blowing up, people saying stupid shit while wearing silly outfits and doing backflips while shooting machine guns. Do you like that kind of shit? Yea? Then check it out. This isn't fucking Wim Wenders though. It is what it is and it's more fun to watch than most of the crap that tries to fill that void.

Why the fuck does the guy that never utters a word need a mouth though?

The world may never know.

Give this some time if you're into: action, cartoons, anime, explosions, jets, motorcycles, power armor, British guys being the president of the US

Flash Reviews: The Hangover [movies]

2009-08-12T12:50:00.000-07:00

The Hangover (2009)
Comedy; USA
100 minutes

If you're going to do a movie where the running gag is how fucked up you got in Vegas and how many crazy antics you got into because of your extreme inebriation it'd probably be a good idea to like...show some of those hilarious antics, right? But, no, that would be the obvious choice. "The Hangover" is all about shattering your expectations.

This movie could have been funny, but they decided to show the least humorous aspects of the story and then simply allude to all the funny stuff. It was an hour and a half long cock-tease, basically. "OMG, we've found ourselves in an incredibly awkward situation - I wonder how we got here? I don't know, but I bet it was funny..." That shtick gets pretty old after the 5th or 6th time it happens and by the time the credits role it's just plain annoying. There are certainly funny moments, but for the most part I just felt jipped. The funniest part of the movie was the ending credits where they finally showed pictures of the inebriated madness, which was indeed far more entertaining than the actual movie, as expected.

Give this some time if you're into: doing shit halfassed.

Previews: Sons of Anarchy Season 2 [television]

2009-08-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

Sons of Anarchy: Season 2 (2009)
Crime/Drama; USA
FX Network

Were you watching "Sons of Anarchy" last season? Probably not...most people weren't. But no thanks to your ass, the awesome biker show is returning for it's second season on September 8th and this time you should be a little less of a square and check it out.

Why, you ask? Well...why the hell not? It's about an outlaw biker gang - that's awesome. It's got a great cast of actors including, but not limited to Ron Perlman (Hellboy, City of Lost Children), Katey Sagal (Futurama, Married With Children), Charlie Hunnam (Undeclared, Queer As Folk), Mitch Pileggi (X-Files) and Dayton Callie (Deadwood) - that's cool, right? It was created by one of the head writers for "The Shield" - we all love Vic Mackey, don't we? So what the hell's your excuse?

Check out Season 1 on DVD and get ready for some methed out madness, some warm beer and cold women and some serious biker badness. Check the promo for Season 2 below:

Previews: Spartacus: Blood & Sand [television]

2009-08-07T10:30:00.000-07:00

Spartacus: Blood & Sand (2010)
Historical Drama/Action; USA
Starz Network

The Starz Network has never been known for their original programming, but they're hoping to throw their hat into the ring with "Spartacus: Blood and Sand". The obvious comparison to make here is to Zack Snyder's "300" adaptation and I'm not going to go out of my way to avoid that parallel. It looks an awful lot like "300", no doubt, but that might be pretty cool if done right.

HBO's "Rome" and "Deadwood" have shown us that historical epics can work pretty damn well as TV shows, so this could actually be a big hit for Starz if they're able to pull it off in convincing fashion. Excessive decapitation and dismemberment, gratuitous raunchy sex, over-the-top CGI blood splatter, seedy political intrigue, Lucy "I'm ditching Battlestar Galactica to go make Footballer's Wives" Lawless...it certainly seems like they're on the right track. All the pieces are in place - now all that remains to be seen is if they can get it to air without making it totally suck in the process. Hopefully they'll do something really cool to make up for the complete lack of Kirk Douglas. This almost does it.

Peep the trailer:

Done Dirty: Virtuality [television]

2009-08-06T09:15:00.000-07:00

Virtuality (2009)
Sci-Fi/Drama; USA
87 minutes

Motherfucking FOX...you never did know a good thing when you saw it. You fucked "Firefly", killed "M.A.N.T.I.S.", tried your hardest (and eventually succeeded) to sabotage "The X-Files" and now, you've worked your magic once again on Ron Moore's "Virtuality".

Like "Sucker Free City", this 2-hour pilot turned standalone movie suffers greatly from the fact that it was never given the chance to actually tell it's story, but had it been picked up as a series, it could have been one of the standouts of network television. The story follows a 12 person crew on a 10 year voyage to a nearby star system. In order to cope with the isolation and prevent people from flipping out and shooting the joint up, each crew member is given their own personal virtual reality device that allows them to create whatever world they want and escape there when not on duty. Sounds pretty straight forward except for one fact - this whole mission is being recorded, edited and broadcast as a reality TV show back on Earth, which in turn helps to fund the mission. When people's VR sets start going crazy and killing them in their dreams, we're never quite sure if it's a glitch in the system, one of the crew members fucking about or the network execs back on Earth trying to spice things up for ratings.

"Virtuality"'s blend of psychological space drama, virtual-reality fantasy and "Big Brother"-esque reality TV was a truly unique concept with endless possibilities, not only for weekly episodic content, but also for cross-media promotion to drive viewers to Fox's website. But who needs increased viewer loyalty and extra ad-revenue anyway? Especially when you can just churn out another few seasons of "American Idol" or "So You Think You Can Dance" and not have to pay anybody for their talent contributions.

But how many damn years was "Melrose Place" on again? They couldn't give this shit 1 season?

FAIL, FOX...FAIL!

Give this some time if you're into: Battlestar Galactica, 2001, Star Trek, heady sci-fi where a bunch of shit doesn't blow up with lasers, lamenting the possibilities.

Done Dirty: Sucker Free City [television]

2009-08-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

Sucker Free City (2004)
Crime/Drama; USA
113 minutes

One of the lesser known Spike Lee joints, "Sucker Free City" was conceived as an original series for Showtime, but for whatever reason they sat on it for awhile and never bothered to greenlight the series. Eventually, it became clear that the show had no hope and so the 2-hour pilot was released as a standalone film.

Set in my home turf of San Francisco, California, "Sucker Free City" is the story of 3 men from different backgrounds, living in completely different worlds that coexist just miles apart from each other in relative seclusion. A black kid growing up in the crime-ridden ghetto of Hunter's Point, a Chinese kid raised in the gang-ruled Chinatown neighborhood and the son of 2 former white hippies being forced out of their home in the newly gentrified Mission district are our windows into the vastly disparate micro-climates of modern San Francisco. Each character has his own troubles and faces his own obstacles, but in the end they are all simply trying to make something of themselves in a world that cares little about them and even less about those aforementioned obstacles. The real focus of the story, however, is not how different these characters are, but how closely their actions resemble one another and how easily someone without the feeling of hope or purpose can wind up treading a path that only acts to continue the cycles of economic and social oppression.

For those used to seeing the shiny-happy, Rice-A-Roni depictions of "the city by the bay", Spike Lee's portrayal is a much needed reality check. The truth of the matter is San Francisco is one of the most culturally, racially and economically complex cities in the world and "SFC" is probably the first piece of popular media I've encountered that attempts to accurately show that diversity, warts and all. It's an incredibly rich tapestry of possibilities that ultimately will never have the chance to be explored because Showtime not only did this show dirty, they also did themselves dirty by passing on what could have possibly been their only answer to HBOs complete and utter domination of pay-cable programming.

Judging "SFC" as a standalone movie is nearly impossible because watching makes it abundantly clear that we're only seeing a tiny fraction of something much, much bigger and in the end most of what is presented is never resolved. But if you watch it keeping in mind that it was meant to be so much more, you can at least appreciate the attempt to capture something on film that had never really been tackled before and is much too complex to cover in a mere 2 hours. Sorry "Sucker Free City"...if you hadn't been done so dirty, you could have been a real classic.

*Pours some out for the homie that never even had the chance to be here.

Give this some time if you're into: The Wire, Spike Lee's other joints, San Francisco, cultural ghettos of all shapes and sizes, racial politics...you know, standard Spike Lee shit.

Done Dirty: Carnivàle [television]

2009-08-04T09:15:00.000-07:00

Carnivàle (2003-2005)
Fantasy/Drama; USA
24 episodes

In the realm of television shows that have been done dirty by their networks, Carnivàle is probably the hardest pill to swallow of them all. With all the potential this series had, the fact that HBO let it go after only 2 seasons is a crime against humanity. As such, only 2 of the planned 6-season story arc made it to film, which is a real shame because it could have been so epic!

Even so, the 2 seasons that do exist are some of the best television ever - period. Chances are you've never seen anything else like it. It's eerie, dark, sleazy, magical and engrossing. It's set in America's dustbowl in the 1930s - the last great age of magic, as they say in the show - when the old world is dying and the new world is taking root. The story centers around a traveling carnival filled with freaks, geeks, hicks, bearded ladies, psychics and floozies dancing the cootch, but also contains a parallel storyline focused on an evangelical preacher with a strange gift and questionable intentions. Over time, the two seemingly separate stories begin to merge together and the result is amazing. The pacing is slow, but each consecutive episode builds and builds, so the story and the mythology unfold over time. By the end of the first season, you will be completely immersed in the world and you'll start cursing the fact that there's only 12 more episodes left and that's it for the rest of eternity. I can't believe they made 6 seasons of the fuckin' Sopranos, but couldn't even give this show a proper run. Not that I'm hating on The Sopranos - it's just that Carnivàle is on a whole other level. Watch and you'll see.

Fuckin' Italians.

Give this some time if you're into: forgotten magic, weird Gnostic, Christian and Masonic myths, alternate histories, dark vs. light stories, fantasy, just plain old bomb storytelling.

Done Dirty: Superman II - The Richard Donner Cut [movies]

2009-08-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut (2006)
Superhero/Action; USA
115 minutes

In this week's batch of Flash Reviews we're spotlighting great shit that was done dirty by the man and you can't talk about epic filmic disses without mentioning the mother of all fuck ups, "Superman II". Long before every other movie to hit the theater was a comic book adaptation of some sort, there was only Richard Donner and his sprawling vision for an epic Superman trilogy. Unfortunately, 3/4ths of the way through filming "Superman II", Donner was booted from the project, the script was rewritten and about half of the scenes reshot by the new, studio-hired director, Richard Lester. You can read the whole sorted drama here, but the long and short of it is that the studio didn't want to give Marlon Brando a cut of the films profits, so they did everything they could to remove him from the project, resulting in a completely different film with a much different tone and a much more cartoony treatment.

For over 20 years, Donner's footage sat in the vaults gathering dust until finally, fan pleadings and Margot Kidder's psychotic ramblings led to the creation of "The Richard Donner Cut". While this isn't the movie Donner envisioned from the start, the studio gave the director access to all his old footage and the freedom to recut it to be as close to his vision as possible. The result is a choppy, but ultimately great superhero story - probably the best superhero movie of all time, save Tim Burton's Batman movies, if you ask me.

There are some downsides - Donner's original ending for "Superman II", Superman flying around the Earth at super fast speed to turn back time, was tacked onto the end of the first film because it was the most impressive special effect they had at the time, so now that the sequel has been re-edited and that ending replaced, both the first and second films have the exact same ending. But to Donner's credit, it works a lot better in "Superman II" than it did in "Superman". There were also a lot of scenes that were never shot, so test footage was used instead, resulting in a few discontinuities within scenes, but overall these are minor problems that you might not even notice if you're not looking for them.

Give this some time if you're into: superhero movies, Superman, retcon, seeing things done the way they should be done.