I swear it’s almost like creating that douche-proof contact form was like a request to the blogging angels for comedic gold.

If by comedic I mean bashing-my-head-off-the-wall I’m-surrounded-by-idiots haha funny.

Bloggers, a heads-up here, please…don’t be taken in by this guy. Greer is a part of a group of “entrepreneurs” who have this awesome idea of a “sexual lifestyle brand for women that takes the guess work out of choosing sex toys and related products while providing a narrative fantasy and user content- all in a monthly format”. I’ve read that line over a bunch of times and I still don’t get what they truly mean. It gets better though.

“I came across all of your companies and site through my research and was wondering if you ever consult with new companies? We are a young group of entrepreneurs who do not have previous contacts in the sex toy or erotic writing industry and could really use professional guidance. We want to appeal to woman in a huge capacity and contribute to female sexual autonomy.”

I just had to be SURE before I continued on, so I asked “Ok let me make sure I understand things. You want to create something that will help women choose sex toys, yet you have no experience yourselves in this subject and are looking for free consulting?”

“We are not looking for free consulting. We are looking for people to network with who are experts in the industry and could point us in a constructive direction. Someone who has a lot of contacts within the industry. These people could be future contributors once our company has more funding and we are able to compensate them. It would become a mutually beneficial business relationship. We know how to build brands and have a great idea, we just need to start meeting individuals who know the industry better than we do.”

I mean, that’s the very definition of CONSULTING. He even said the word consulting in his first email. Oh and he tried to be sneaky and chose the “I’m a reader of your blog and I just want to say hello!” option on the regular contact form. tsk tsk, Greer, you didn’t really read much here, did ya? You know I love helping people. Genuine people who need help choosing a sex toy and have specific questions that couldn’t be answered on any retail site or book. That’s the beauty of blogger reviews. We’re real people with email addresses and we love to answer questions. But to try and take advantage of that good will and use it to make money while giving me the “well maybe someday when we’ve turned enough profit that all our bills are paid and we’re paid you could possibly become a paid contributor” schlemiel. The other day in my site tracker I noticed that I was getting a lot of hits to my Jelly Sex Toys are Dangerous post from a UK Mommy forum. Whenever I get hits from forums I go check out the conversation and sometimes I register so that I can clarify things, which is what I did. This poor gal is pregnant and as many pregnant women are, utterly hyperaware of keeping her fetus safe and healthy. When she read my post about the jelly toys she freaked and wasn’t sure how she could possibly broach such a shameful topic to her doctor and ask if she was poisoning the fetus. Sadly she’s so freaked out and hormonal (I get it, I do, I’m not mocking her or invalidating her) that she’s sworn off ALL sex toys despite what I said. But I did my best to confirm that they can be very bad or they can be ok, but you never know and how porous they are, etc etc etc. Told her to switch to silicone or use a condom. I’m more than happy to answer these questions. But try to take advantage of that for your own profit and I’m suddenly not so sweet. My reply to him basically said all of the above but a bit more concisely and bluntly. He agreed that oh yes, I’m very smart which is why they asked for my help and weren’t trying to insult me. Riiiight. Please repeat your 2-year college course on business, you didn’t absorb anything. I would be thrilled to consult on a project that doesn’t read as insulting or sexist and I know my worth.

Please, know your worth. Ok?

Recently another head-bashing moment occurred completely unrelated to my contact form because I contacted them. The very first company that sent me toys to review, VibeReview, has had quite the stale site. Their “new toys” section stills lists the Natural Contours Petite which has been out for YEARS. Combine all this with the fact that I had a reader try to purchase from them a few months back with nothing but troubles and I’m wondering if they’re even still in business. A lot of things are not in stock. Color me surprised when I get a response:

“Yes we are still in business – and yes, as you’ve correctly pointed out, we have been a bit slow in adding many of the newer items.  Most of the stuff that’s come out in the last couple of years is just a repackaging of stuff we already sell, but if there are some items you would like to see on the site, let me know and we can add them.”

It took me a minute to pick my jaw up off the floor. For SERIOUS? I mean, I still read that second sentence and am rendered speechless. I….I….

I tried to answer. I tried to list off all the things that are new, innovative and that tons of people are searching for on Google.

I said: “I would highly disagree that most items put out in the last year is a repackaging of stuff you already sell. While I don’t think much of their latest line, there’s a number of Lelo toys that would warrant a listing; many Tantus items; Fun Factory, Je Joue, We Vibe….I could go on and on…so much as happened in the last few years. Many of the items I recommend to others aren’t on your site. None of the Mystic Wands, nothing by Tenga, none of the new and improved Nexus items, no wooden dildos….it pretty much looks like nearly everything on the site is the same stuff that was there when I stopped reviewing for your company (which was largely because anything that was worth trying out that looked decent, VR didn’t carry) in 2009. Unfortunately, your answer is a huge let-down to me and I’m sure it would be to many of the innovative manufacturers that have put out things in the last 3 years. If you truly believe what you’ve said, then I don’t think I can support VibeReview to be honest.”

And you know what? They had no response. Which just drove my point home even further.

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Copyright 2008-2011 Dangerous Lilly aka This Could Be Dangerous - If you see this content anywhere else, it's been scraped illegally and without my consent. Copyright violators will be hunted down and beaten with a spiked metal ball. But since they're stupid and will include even this portion, I might as well invite you to my real sex blog where you can read about sex toys and get to know me.

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A number of the 100-some original members are long gone and in their place are newer bloggers who don’t know about the thing that was once the Sex Blogger Co-Op on Ning.com. For a refresher or those who don’t know what it’s all about, read these few posts: Blogger Education? talks a bit about the demise andProjects Abound introduces the Co-Op and talks about what it was.

When the Co-Op moved it was because Ning announced it would no longer host their long-time free networks. They were also closing down “adult” communities without warning and that spooked a few people, despite the fact that our group was private, invite-only and not pornographic. The move to a more text-based forum set-up hosted on the e[lust] site spelled disaster as nobody wanted to to go there anymore. It wasn’t easy or pretty. Without any participation from other members, I closed it down.

I still think there is a need for it, for a private place for just the bloggers to go where we can say “Hey, did you get an email from CompanyX? Is this shit for real?” or stuff like that. For those who were not a part of it, some things we discussed were:

• Tutorials on how to do certain things on your blog, like design elements, a clickable header, embedding video
• Discussions on affiliate programs
• Opinions on the latest company/group to hit us up for reviews/exposure
• Discussion on advertisers, like what they were proposing, who was telling them to go to hell, etc
• Blogging prompts

There were debates, arguments, but overall a lot of help being offered and confused questions answered. I’d like to think that it was just as helpful to newer bloggers as it was the veterans. While I don’t expect every sex-type blogger to join I would hope that both veteran and new bloggers would join in, and be active. How active? Whatever you manage….to a point. Since there would be a member cap (150 people) I would have to occasionally weed out those who hadn’t participated in any way for X number of months. It’s not free, of course. The cheap plan (similar to the ToySwap Network, if you’re a member there) allows for forums (including the ability to subscribe to threads or boards to get email updates on new posts) and 150 members. Things that we once had that we would no longer have: The ability for anybody but me to invite people in to the network; chat room; ability to customize the layout. We would lose the few topics that were started or continued once the network moved off of Ning but I don’t think that it’s really a big deal. All the old discussions remain as do your memberships if you were once part of it.

For those who were once a part of it: Would you re-join? It would still be private and invite-only as I feel that it’s the only way we can truly speak our minds on some things. For those who are newer, would you join?

And no, it’s not free. As I said there would be a small price ($3 for me) but the next plan up is a whopping $25 a month and although it will give us many of the features we enjoyed with the free Ning, like chat rooms and customization and no member cap I don’t think that I could get enough people to chip in to come up with a steady $25 a month. I would not require that every blogger contribute something monetarily in order to join but I would greatly appreciate it. I would only ask for a couple dollars per person able to contribute, as it will only cost me $36 a year. And since it’s a month-to-month payment plan if for some reason the whole thing takes off like it never did before and there is a need and willingness to warrant the $25 a month plan, we can upgrade. I don’t see that happening but it’s a door I’m not closing.

If I don’t get much feedback here or much positive feedback then I will allow Ning to delete the network and the contents. I have until February 10th to decide.

Comments

• February 1, 2012, ScarlettSeraph writes: I can definitely say that I am interested. Sometimes it bothers me to see certain things discussed on Twitter that I feel may be better discussed in private. This sounds like it would be the perfect place for people to do that, especially if, like me, you prefer to keep it in the community. I do think it would be nice to have an easy way to have that sort of communication in private, and a support system for each other. Thank you for your work to help the rest of us as a community, you are appreciated!
• February 1, 2012, Kara_Sutra writes: Sounds like a pretty good idea, I think it's one that would offer quite a bit of info and possibly give reviewers the opportunity to speak 'behind closed doors' without the prying eyes of others who seek to gain but don't seek to help. Regarding the funding, if you had 25 co-admins (or something) offering up $1 a month that would help you reach your goal. Or you could have rotating payees (one month its a group of 25, next month another group of 25 etc to lessen the burden). Just a thought.
• February 1, 2012, B writes: As you can tell if you visit my site I am just getting started and am new to this community. I think it sounds like a great idea to have a place where bloggers can commune, feed as well as be fed. If this gets started or you need help with code or anything let me know. I am a web developer.
• February 1, 2012, Kira writes: I want this so much! Forum spam is one of my great annoyances in life. I'd love a place not only to talk to other bloggers, but to do so in a spam free environment. I like the idea of having rotating admins that chip in if you want to upgrade to the higher monthly plan. I don't know if you need to start out with that, but it could work out well for an upgrade.
• February 1, 2012, Epiphora writes: Bring it back. We can keep it under 150 members and I'd be willing to donate.
• February 1, 2012, Pixel writes: As a 'rookie' blogger, I would definitely be interested in something like this! I still have so many questions about blogging and would like to be less lost.
• February 1, 2012, nitebyrd writes: Yes, I would be interested. I was part very briefly. I could probably scrounge up some money each month from eBay and Etsy sales.
• February 1, 2012, Karen Blue writes: I would like to participate, I don't mind if I have to pay. It sounds like a great idea to have a place away from prying eyes to talk to other reviewers. Please keep me in the loop!
• February 2, 2012, BashfulBabe writes: Definitely sounds good, I'm still finding my feet and while spying on you lot is invaluable, paying something lifelong like $1pm or an as-and-when is doable and well worth having resources and support in one secure location.
• February 2, 2012, Blacksilk writes: This sounds like a brilliant idea and I would *love* to be involved. It would be so helpful to have somewhere to talk to more experienced bloggers and get and idea of consensus on various issues and get advice and all sorts! Although I've been around for four years now, I still don't think of myself as particularly experienced, but I'd try to give advice too if I could. The whole thing just sounds great and the payment ideas being suggested sound fine too. I'm actually quite excited by the idea!
• February 2, 2012, buzzvibe writes: I'd definitely join. I need all the help I can get.
• February 2, 2012, Bzzingbee writes: I love this idea. It would be great to get help and give it when I can. I' also totally willing to contribute. I think it is so important for us bloggers to stick together and look out for each other because no one else will otherwise.
• February 3, 2012, Garnet Joyce writes: I loved the group, but my guess is that I probably shouldn't be a part of it anymore. I rarely blog and now I'm on the other side. Bloggers might not feel like they can objectively talk about the review program I run.

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Copyright 2008-2011 Dangerous Lilly aka This Could Be Dangerous - If you see this content anywhere else, it's been scraped illegally and without my consent. Copyright violators will be hunted down and beaten with a spiked metal ball. But since they're stupid and will include even this portion, I might as well invite you to my real sex blog where you can read about sex toys and get to know me.

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Trying my hand at these animated gifs has given me a little motivation to actually participate in Wanton Wednesday more often. It feels less like “Here is shot # 147 of my tits” and more like something new and creative. Now that I’ve learned how to do it from Photoshop rather than a random site I can get even more creative, but having a different speed on each frame. Any suggestions for future ones?

See who else is playing!

Comments

• January 31, 2012, Molly writes: If I remember rightly you have long dark hair... maybe your fingers playing with it, twiddling it? Love this one. You have a cleavage to die for. Mollyxxx
• January 31, 2012, Slut writes: This is incredible! What a clever gif, and your gorgeous breast has left me speechless! xoxo, Slut
• January 31, 2012, Aurore writes: While I will never tired of your cleavage something with your lips would be delightful. (In case there's any confusion, I mean the ones on your face) :) ~ Ha, thank you for clearing that up! Hm I might combine yours and Molly's. Hair twirling and lips.
• January 31, 2012, Karen Blue writes: Wow a pop shot like that of you opening both sides would be awesome! ~ I kinda thought that doing that with the bra was bad enough, heh, that maybe both at once would just be overkill? ;)
• January 31, 2012, Stranded writes: Dammit...now I'm hungry! Stranded ~I totally don't get this.
• February 1, 2012, KaziGrrl writes: Excellent gif! Hmmn... you could try panning down? ;) ~Kazi xxx
• February 1, 2012, Hyacinth writes: Tit shots never get old.
• February 1, 2012, Clive writes: Ooooo clever and inviting - I am with Karen a full 'pop shot' is the obvious follow up :)
• February 1, 2012, BimodalTendancies writes: I agree with my fellow bloggers. That's a great animation. :)
• February 1, 2012, JJJ writes: yuuuuuuum.... these GIF definately make your pictures looks more fun & creative. Even just refreshing your archives pictures with GIF would be great!! ~ Well since the shots have to be taken a certain way, doing it with archive pics would be a bit impossible.
• February 1, 2012, Phoenix Wolf-Rayet writes: In a word - beautiful!
• February 1, 2012, nitebyrd writes: Haven't a clue about Photoshop but I think you're doing a damn fine job!
• February 1, 2012, Blacksilk writes: Everything about this shot is gorgeous! I love it! But I agree with some others here that you can never have enough boob shots!
• February 1, 2012, Inferno writes: Really liking the animated gif thing. Makes it extra fun and interesting. I like Molly's idea about the hair too. That could maybe be hard to do? Be cool though. Blowing a kiss would be fun too.
• February 2, 2012, Jack and Jill writes: Impressive! Neither of us would have a clue how to make an animated .gif. The pictures themselves are beautiful.
• February 2, 2012, Erika Moran writes: That is really a cool technique, not to mention a lovely subject.
• February 2, 2012, Hubman writes: I love the animated gifs!!
• February 3, 2012, MrM writes: These animated gifs are pretty awesome. Plus, who's gonna say no to a nice pair like that?! I think I speak for all of us when I say you can keep doing this, and we won't mind.

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Copyright 2008-2011 Dangerous Lilly aka This Could Be Dangerous - If you see this content anywhere else, it's been scraped illegally and without my consent. Copyright violators will be hunted down and beaten with a spiked metal ball. But since they're stupid and will include even this portion, I might as well invite you to my real sex blog where you can read about sex toys and get to know me.

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Continuing the interviews after Elizabeth Red in Part 2 and answering these questions myself in Part 1  

Epiphora is a sex toy reviewer first and foremost. She does what she loves, what she does best, and she has a big following. She’s been controversial at times and never shuts her mouth for anybody or anything – and usually she uses her powers for good. But oh when she hates something, and she really fucking hates it, we love to read it! Epiphora is one of the few fellow toy reviewers who joins me in the “Proud to Post Negative Reviews” camp of those who will be as harsh as we feel is necessary (and boy howdy sometimes it’s really fuckin necessary). Her virtual toy box rivals most and especially trumps mine. Epiphora is the second in a short series of long-time reviewers that I’ve asked to answer 4 easy (or are they?) questions about sex toys and reviewing.

1. How many toys, roughly, have you reviewed or acquired in other ways since you started reviewing?

2. How many of them actually saw a lot of use past the review session?

3. What toys have been your top favorites over all the time you’ve been reviewing?

4. What has been the most important thing or two you’ve learned since becoming a reviewer that you didn’t know as a consumer?

Comments

• January 31, 2012, Kira writes: I thought I was the only one with a spreadsheet! I feel slightly less nerdy now. Or at least in good company if I'm still a nerd. ~ Nerd = good
• January 31, 2012, Navigator writes: I'm gonna need to make a spreadsheet, pretty soon. That's a pretty good idea. And yeah, wtf with the Little Chroma getting so much love? Either way, great answers!
• February 1, 2012, Epiphora writes: See, that's why the spreadsheet helps! I make a note whenever I get rid of a toy, so I can remember that I don't have it anymore. Ha! Thanks for interviewing me, Lilly. It was fun.
• February 6, 2012, Raven Quince writes: I have a spreadsheet too! Super detailed, right down to where the item was manufactured and where the company is based. I'm a geek. So glad to be in such good company! (And Epiphora is my heroine.)

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Copyright 2008-2011 Dangerous Lilly aka This Could Be Dangerous - If you see this content anywhere else, it's been scraped illegally and without my consent. Copyright violators will be hunted down and beaten with a spiked metal ball. But since they're stupid and will include even this portion, I might as well invite you to my real sex blog where you can read about sex toys and get to know me.

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Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow the RSS Feed and Twitter for updates.

Did you miss Pleasurists 164? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists 166? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday January 29th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

*Pleasurists just started accepting photo submissions for the art at the top of editions! For more information click here.

Want a shiny new toy? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• Win an Icicles No. 8 Glass Toy! Deadline: January 27th.
• Shiny twisty swanky glass dildo giveaway! Deadline: February 1st @ 11:59pm Eastern.
• Dildo Giveaway! Deadline: February 1st.
• Eden Fantasys $25 Giveaway! Deadline: February 2nd.
• Giveaway Contest – The Heeldo Deadline: February 2nd.
• FunWares Valentine’s Giveaway Deadline: February 4th.
• Anniversary Giveaway Deadline: February 6th @ 12:01am Eastern.
• Heart Wand Glass Dildo Giveaway Deadline: February 8th.
• Love is in the Air! Deadline: February 15th.

Looking for sexy posts rather than reviews?
Check out e[lust] #32

Editor
Scarlet Lotus

On to the reviews:  (click here to read more of this post)

Vibrators

• Luv Your Body by Mistress Kay
• Tantus Flex by Bzzingbee
• Janine’s Hidden Pleasure by Naughty Snow White
• Silky Vibrations Tingle Me by Sassy
• Duo Obsessions Entice by Mistress Kay
• JimmyJane Form 4 by Mistress Kay
• JimmyJane Form 3 by Dangerous Lilly
• Toyfriend Bossy by Beanfiddler
• Obsession Bullet by ScarlettSeraph
• PicoBong Kiki by Feathers
• Leaf Fresh by Midnight Boudoir
• Couture Collection Inspire by Karen Blue
• Bgee Deluxe by Alan & Michele
• Hearts Wand by Belle
• Onye Gallerie Petite Floral by Midnight Boudoir

Dildos

• Fun Factory Share by Pixel
• Original Accommodator by Naughty Snow White
• Crystal Delights Crystal Twist by Epiphora
• Icicles #8 by Belle
• NobEssence Seduction by Kira

Anal Toys

• Rocks Off Rude Boy by Ruffled Sheets
• Fun Factory Bloomy by Ruffled Sheets
• Sinclair Institute Onyx by Jack

Sleeves, Rings, & etc.

• Fleshlight Blade by the bedroom blogger
• LELO Oden by Sada K.
• Tenga 3D Spiral by Sada K.
• Hand Solo by Alan & Michele
• Real Feel Vibrating Penis Enhancer by Evil Poptart

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

• Boob Lube by Karen Blue
• Kama Sutra Sweet Heart Strawberry Box by Naughty Snow White

BDSM/Fetish

• Tantric Satin Ties Pleasure Whip by Willow Wand
• Padded Easy Eyes Leather Blindfold by Willow Wand
• FlogMeBaby.com Enforcer Flogger by BloodHound

Adult Books/Games

• Best Sex Writing 2012 by Karen Blue
• Yes, Ma’am by BashfulBabe
• Sweet Confessions Erotica by Alan & Michele
• Black Lace Quickies 6 by BashfulBabe
• One Night Only by Karen Blue

Adult DVDs & Porn

• Asa Akira Is Insatiable 2 by Ginger Leigh
• Buck Angel’s Sexing The Transman XXX by J.D. Bauchery and Ginger Leigh
• Masquerade by Ginger Leigh
• This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX by J.D. Bauchery
• P.O.V. Punx 5 by Ginger Leigh
• NoFauxxx.com by Willow Wand
• Bobbi Starr’s Shut Up and Fuck by Bzzingbee

Lingerie

• Baby Blue Blossom Corset by Sassy

Miscellaneous

• Phallic Fulfiller Attachment by LadyToyBox
• Nipple Charms by buzzvibe
• Private Silicone Packer by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• RodeoH Harness by Belle
• Trustex Multiflavored Condoms by True Pleasures
• Sportsheets Vibrating Velvet Harness by Insane Hussein

Copyright 2008-2011 Dangerous Lilly aka This Could Be Dangerous - If you see this content anywhere else, it's been scraped illegally and without my consent. Copyright violators will be hunted down and beaten with a spiked metal ball. But since they're stupid and will include even this portion, I might as well invite you to my real sex blog where you can read about sex toys and get to know me.

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I have 6 drafts that are half-finished. I’ve been in some state or another of “sick” this week and feeling like crap, exhausted and lacking patience. I’m away this weekend so all these posts will have to wait, and I hope I can conjure up their thought trains again.

My main point to this post is to say “ILU” to the people who purchase sex toys through my affiliate link. The sales aren’t racking up this month like they were in December, but December was still a banner month, more than I’d ever made before. These sales make me feel like I’m not sitting here wasting away, like I’m contributing to the household or at least not draining it. Thank you, it means more than you know. Also, I’m DYING of curiousity whenever I see a sale and I wonder what you bought, so if you ever feel like telling me – TELL ME!

EF is interviewing one of my favorite people right now, Ducky, so go ask her some crazy questions. Crazy questions, though, not  just “I’m doing this for the hell of it” questions with bad grammar.

Oo!oo! EF is having another one of those sales, where your discount goes up the more you spend. GO BUY SEX TOYS FOR VALENTINE’S DAY. BUY ALL THE TOYS. HAVE ALL THE SEX. Partnered? Sex toys. Solo? SEX TOYS. I mean hey, you should always learn to love yourself first, right? Oh wait, I don’t think “love” is what they meant with that saying. You know. AIRQUOTE love /AIRQUOTE.

I know what I’m buying with this deal. Since I like the We Vibe Touch so much, I want to own the We Vibe Salsa and Tango. I wonder why the latter two are named after sexy dances but the Touch isn’t? Hmm.

Oh! I might possibly have gotten a lead on finally doing some of those sex toy education workshops I’ve talked about. Very exciting. I suck at public speaking and I’m initially very shy so I have NO clue how this will go the first time or the first ten minutes. Perhaps vodka will be the key?

Anyways, coming up in posts: More sex toy reviewer interviews, with Epiphora and Adriana. My ticked-off review of the JimmyJane Form 6. Review of the We Vibe Touch and Minna Ola. A fun game of “spot the sex toy” with Tumblr porn. I might talk about the Pipedreams Curve wand, a steel toy that may or may not be stainless steel and is a knock-off, design-wise, of the Njoy Fun Wand. Waiting on info for a big tell-all post about our favorite material: Silicone! And some upcoming fun stuff with Crystal Delights, makers of pretty glass and Swarovski butt plugs and dildos. But now I’m off to go tend to my very aching back and smell my own tits.

whut. they smell nice. I’ve just discovered Philosophy’s Amazing Grace scent. You can smell them too, cuz ILU.

this post sponsored is by: EdenFantasys (What this means), a sex toy store

Comments

• January 28, 2012, Kira writes: These buy more save more codes kill me. I think I made five purchases when the WISH code was going on. I don't know what I'm getting this go round yet. Salsa and Tango are both good choices. Ooh! If you like Amazing Grace, try Pure Grace. That's my favorite Philosophy perfume. It smells like clean. Mmm.

Copyright 2008-2011 Dangerous Lilly aka This Could Be Dangerous - If you see this content anywhere else, it's been scraped illegally and without my consent. Copyright violators will be hunted down and beaten with a spiked metal ball. But since they're stupid and will include even this portion, I might as well invite you to my real sex blog where you can read about sex toys and get to know me.

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Today I happened upon a sex toy reviewing blog whose mission statement proudly proclaimed that they don’t publish negative reviews. If they receive a product that has no redeeming qualities, they simply won’t write a review.

I died a little when I read that. And then I got angry. They boast this, like it makes them better people, better reviewers. To companies and products, sure. To consumers? absolutely not. I think I touched on this a bit about a year ago when I wrote about ethics in blogging, but this is a full-scale 4-alarm rant.

When I first started buying sex toys I was buying them from a couple of sites who I don’t think let a negative customer review go live. It was nothing but moderate-to-glowing. And then when I’d buy the toy with high expectations, only to be grandly disappointed, I’d be pissed. I’ve come across this phenomenon more and more. When I had 3 really bad experiences in a row with Shari’s Berries I finally went to the site and wrote out long, informative (complete with photos) comments on the items. Those comments never got published. Instead, the only comments and ratings are all glowingly positive. Bullshit.

I’ve seen arguments for the anti-negative-review people along the lines of “just because it didn’t work for me doesn’t mean it can’t work for someone else” and I will agree to that. But when you sugar coat things in a way that would make a cupcake jealous you’re only helping out the company. You are not helping the people for whom you presumably write the reviews: the clueless mobs who are absolutely overwhelmed with all the choices¹. I was one of those people. Many of us were. So please, place yourself in the shoes of the old, sex-toy-noob you and think “How would I feel if I had spent $125 of my own money on this toy after reading this wishy washy review only to find that there are faults galore?” Your opinion is valid. Your opinion matters. I want to hear your opinion in all of its bluntly honest glory before I drop the money on, well, anything really. Your review that details out just the facts, because you couldn’t like it enough to praise it, isn’t telling me anything.

There are degrees of negativity in reviews of any kind. I’ve read them all myself, not just in sex toys but in computer parts and accessories, clothing, you name it. You can always tell when someone is just pissed off at a defective item (or they didn’t read before buying) vs it’s an actual problem that should concern you before you buy. My utterly scathing reviews of items such as the Lelo Tiani or the JimmyJane Form 3 are not scathing because they didn’t work with my body. They are scathing because I’m pissed. You want me to pay WHAT for a toy that doesn’t even do what you claim it will, or do it WELL? Just like I won’t let you buy a damn jelly toy, I won’t encourage you to spend the equivalent to a week’s worth of groceries on a sex toy that feels like another brick in the wall. The Lelo Isla – is it pretty? Sure. It’s pretty. Does my vagina care about pretty? Does pretty give me an orgasm? Nope. Nor should “pretty” also equal “to get the bitch clean you’ll need 20 minutes of your life, a toothbrush, and the edge of an old credit card”.  I think that I do a pretty good job of noting that my extreme dislike of the vibrations or the size or the design didn’t work for me personally and that they could work for someone else. And I feel that I can still note that and give a negative review. Because if I were the one looking at reviews to figure out what 1 sex toy out of 100 I should drop $100 on, I want the truth. Does your truth equal my truth? Not always. Not frequently, even. But if I can see that you as a reviewer have the full spectrum of reviews from “ZOMG LOVE” to “DIE IN A FIRE” with plenty in between then I trust you. And I’ll work my way through your writing and reviews to figure out if we like the same thing and whether or not I would agree with your assessment of “Wow, this baby is STRONG!”.

So let’s say that you are someone who doesn’t like to write really critical, negative reviews. Why? Who are you helping?

Are you afraid that the company you review for will get upset and not give you anything else to review? If so, fuck them. They’re unethical.

Are you not brave enough to be a dissenting voice? Stand up. Be heard.

Do you think that you won’t make any affiliate sales? Then you care more about the money than anything else and that’s sad. Here’s how to commission-perk a negative, shredding review: Suggest two or three other alternatives that you think are better.

The truth, even if it’s the awful truth, isn’t mean. Oh, sure, you can be. But for the love of orgasms, tell me the fuckin truth! Is it wimpy and mediocre and nothing special and not really worth $139? Tell me. I will have $139 worth of greater respect for you.When you hide your negative review from seeing the light of day you are doing yourself a disservice but mostly you are doing every other potential buyer a disservice. Shame on you. You KNEW it was a piece of shit and you didn’t tell me?? I’d like my money back, please, from your pocket. Yes, that’s how much it pisses me off.

Hi, I’m Lilly, and I write nothing but no-holds-barred honest sex toy reviews. I call a spade a spade, and name it out for being crap no matter if it’s $39 crap or $139 crap. Crap is crap and you shouldn’t have to buy it. You, the person who is searching Google for reviews and information on sex toys in general, on dildos for beginners, on Fleshlight vs Tenga, on the We Vibe 2 vs the We Vibe 3….. YOU ARE THE PERSON I REVIEW FOR. Nobody else.

okay maybe my clitoris a little bit.

Comments

• January 24, 2012, Epiphora writes: place yourself in the shoes of the old, sex-toy-noob you and think “How would I feel if I had spent $125 of my own money on this toy after reading this wishy washy review only to find that there are faults galore?” Fucking EXACTLY. I really would hate to ever know that I swayed someone into purchasing something that they hated. It makes me feel horribly guilty, because I would NEVER want that to happen to me.
• January 25, 2012, nitebyrd writes: Honest reviews are what I always look for and what I will give when doing reviews. If toy/product sucks, potential buyers need to know it. Sellers that allow and encourage REAL reviews are doing their customers a valuable service.
• January 25, 2012, BashfulBabe writes: I think I've been spoilt: first review product I got did not win me over and I happily said as much on the company's site. Not only did they publish it in all it's unimpressed glory, but they reduced the price, and sent me yet another product. I've put up some exceptionally bitchy hate-filled reviews, and still they consider me one of their trusted reviewers. I'm still shocked when I hear of stores who only publish 5* reviews, and people who are scared to not gush over each and every product. As a consumer, I've actually bought more items because of a negative review than positives. You hated that the vibes were too strong, or the chest of the babydoll too big for your X-cups? That's my bitch! I bought the Tiani after reading 10th positive reviews and no negatives. I want to kill each of those 10th stooges who failed to mention it doesn't work if you own legs. Fuckers. That was my money your fluff wasted. ~I am so sorry that you wasted your money on the Tiani :( Frankly if I were you I'd go yell at each one of those people who fluffed up that waste of space vibrator. Make them see what their weak review has done.
• January 25, 2012, Kira writes: Thank you for this post! I can't believe that someone would downright refuse to write a negative review. Some of my very first reviews were negative ones because I felt they were the most important ones to get out there. Someone has to be honest in the review world. It's unfortunate that there are many that will write glowing reviews of all products when many just plain suck. I'm new to your blog but I appreciate your integrity!
• January 25, 2012, txymxy writes: This is half the reason I quit working in the sex shop I was at. The day I heard my area manager (who goddamn KNOWS better) recommending a jelly toy when the sale of pricier silicone wasn't quite going over well, I knew I had to get the hell out of there. I could not tolerate straight-up lying to customers in order to make a sale - like, wtf? How is THAT going to get us repeat customers, anyway? Just, brutal. If I had been any of those customers who were sugar-coated at in order to be parted with their money, I would've been livid once I realized what had happened. I take review writing to be much the same. Excellent post, I agree wholeheartedly.
• January 26, 2012, Insane Hussein writes: And sex toy review blogs too. It's like an epidemic. I've seen it a lot on author blogs with reader/reviewer comments saying they write nothing but positive reviews. Books are expensive and you can't resell them for the higher prices as you could sex toys. Write an honest review--you do your readers such a disservice when you do not tell the truth about a product you did/don't like.
• January 26, 2012, Adriana writes: Fuck yes. Seriously. I have NEVER agreed with you more. In fact, people who don't post negative reviews really seem like liars to me. That's right, I think you're a fucking liar if you don't post negative reviews. I once got into a bit of an argument with a review blogger who said "My blog is a positive place." Then your blog shouldn't have reviews, eh? If you just want to gush about shit, do it on Amazon. I don't know. It just rubbed me so wrong and I couldn't articulate it at the time like you did with this.
• January 28, 2012, Lady Donovan writes: @ Adriana This sums up how I feel exactly. However, please don't do it on Amazon! I bought a relatively pricey sex toy there and it was a dud. It wouldn't turn on and stay on and it wasn't as waterproof as it was advertised. It was far too large. Ugh. I could go on all day. Anyway, lesson 'effin learned. Lady D ~I agree, inappropriate gushing that covers up the true colors and flaws should never be okay in ANY place.
• January 30, 2012, Karen Blue writes: Brilliant rant! You bring up some damn good points. I always try to make a toy work for me, or figure out who the hell it would work for. Somethings are just crap, and you're right. I should be more willing to say what I didn't like about it. Thanks for reminding me of why reviews are important in the big picture. We keep those shit toy makers honest, or try to anyways. While I can't say I have written a review with the sole intention of trying to make something look good, I needed reminding about the cost factor. Thanks!

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• Blogger Respect – It’s earned and I don’t take that lightly
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Copyright 2008-2011 Dangerous Lilly aka This Could Be Dangerous - If you see this content anywhere else, it's been scraped illegally and without my consent. Copyright violators will be hunted down and beaten with a spiked metal ball. But since they're stupid and will include even this portion, I might as well invite you to my real sex blog where you can read about sex toys and get to know me.

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Subtitled: When you’re right, you’re right or I should listen to my gut more

Once long ago in Babeland I fondled a few JimmyJane vibrators and was summarily unimpressed. I read a litany of mixed reviews from the entire spectrum of “LOVE IT” to “DIE IN A FIRE” and had figured out that JimmyJane’s Form line was largely overpriced “luxury” crap.

I was right. At least I got that goin for me.

I had an opportunity to grab the Form 6 and Form 3 from Red over at ToySwap (along with the now-defunct Cone vibrator and a Metal Worx “steel” dildo) and even though I knew I was probably going to hate them I JUST HAD TO. The things I do for you guys.

JIMMYJANE Form 3

In case you’ve been living under a rock, the innovative design of the Form 3 is supposed to combine your finger with the vibrator for “enhanced touch”¹. Except…it really doesn’t. The motor is in the body of the vibrator, which is the lower half. Then the silicone forms a scoop that is just a silicone extension, sort of like a Rabbit Vibrator on steroids. The material vibrates but the portion where the motor resides isn’t what you press to your clit. You can put this “lip” or tongue or whatever sideways between your labia for a meh amount of vibration. But the design’s intention is for you to push your finger in the center there. The silicone in this section is a membrane and it feels like pushing in on a balloon. The problem is that as soon as you do this….and you touch your silicone finger to your body….the vibrations are practically nil. It’s a pretty simple theory as to why the vibrations are not being transmitted: it’s a piece of silicone material being vibrated by a distanced motor and as soon as you apply enough pressure, the vibrations nearly stop transmitting through the material altogether. To push through the membrane and have your finger-via-silicone touching your clit or your partner’s clit requires a lot of pressure. If you have any strength issues with your hand, any physical disabilities, etc you will probably not be able to use this. Arthritis? Carpal Tunnel? Tennis Elbow? FORGET IT.

So you turn the Form 3 on and you’re thinking “Hey…this seems pretty powerful!” and then you lightly touch the thicker sides of the scoop/lip/tongue and they’re “ok” but then you add a little more pressure and 60% of vibrations have left the building. You then awkwardly push your index finger through the silicone and suddenly 90% of the vibrations have left the building. I found myself grinding the rigid body of the Form 3 against my clit just to feel something. Except that it’s surface-buzzy for the most part. Definitely not deep or rumbly like the We Vibe Touch. The controls on it though are easier to use than those on the Form 6. Press “+” to turn it on and go through the 5 levels of vibrations; press “-” to turn it down or off, there is no “quick off” though. The bottom with the “~” symbol controls the pulsation type functions.

Even more frustrating is trying to charge the goddamn thing. It sits there, easy and cute in it’s charging base. The contacts must touch and they must touch just so. It’s more difficult to align than your average rechargeable computer mouse. Since it’s not magnetic it doesn’t snap into place and since the vibrator has a rounded body and the metal contact isn’t flat either you have an irritating game of the Weebles: JimmyJane Edition. Form 3 will blink at you like it’s laughing as you set it in the cradle and it falls over a little or slips down like drunken college kid trying to sit upright. After 15 tries and a few minutes you finally have the thing sitting just so and the charging light remains steady – forever. You won’t know by looking at it when it’s fully charged. No no, you have to pick it up and look at it for the blink pattern ² and if you pulled it off too soon there we go again with the goddamn Weeble shit.

For all of the innovations packed into this little thing and the hefty price tag ($140-150) it is quite possibly a bigger rip-off than any Lelo toy when you rack up all the fails. If I wanted to sugar-coat it I could say that “it’s a great tease!” or “great for foreplay!” but you know what? I don’t come to vibrator-land looking for a fuckin tease. My fingers already have that job. Foreplay? Tongues are the VP. The job of my vibrator is to get me from any state of arousal to orgasm. Vibrators are my CEO, President and Head Bitch of the Orgasms Department. I am not willing to pay $145 for TEASING. I get that for free.

The JimmyJane Form 3 is a clitoral vibrator made of silicone and it is waterproof and rechargeable and a large disappointment.

Who will like this: Anybody who enjoys buying luxury sex toys and requires barely any vibration added to pressure and massage of the clitoris for orgasm; if you require no pressure with your vibrator and like vibrations on the side of clit
Try this instead: We Vibe Touch – same size, rechargeable, luxury, much better vibrations OR Leaf Spirit if you don’t require strong & rumbly vibrations – moderate power, luxury, rechargeable, half the size of the Touch or Form 3, very unobtrusive.

This is enough venom and fire for one post, so the Form 6 will be talked about separately. OH HOW WE WILL TALK.

This toy was procured on my own time, however:
this post sponsored is by: EdenFantasys (What this means), a sex toy store

Comments

• January 20, 2012, Navigator writes: Oh my god, I think I hurt something laughing. Also, damn. Just....damn. This is why I won't go within twenty feet of Jimmyjane. That's just sad, especially for what they expect you to pay for it. ~I try to combat my seething hatred with humor but I still look over at the fucker in it's cradle and want to HURL it. And then I'm left to wonder...all these people that did like it, hell some even loved it....were they being honest in their reviews or do they require next to nothing to orgasm? These are the sex toys that make me question my own body.
• January 21, 2012, Elin writes: I really like how you debunk the bad performance of some "luxury" toys. I often view women on "normal" fora talking about how bad they want anything by Lelo, or any rabbit vibe, without looking at the most basic practical criteria. It seems in the sex toy industry companies can get away with overpriced, badly functioning stuff way too easily, because 1. people don't really talk seriously about sex toys, and if they do, 2. they are probably afraid to admit stuff doesn't work because it might be THEIR picky, "wrong" anatomy.. (apparently many women still have some body shame) and 3. there's most times another use for it (but really, products should function like they SAY they function, that why people buy them)
• January 26, 2012, Pixel writes: "Vibrators are my CEO, President and Head Bitch of the Orgasms Department. " I nearly wet myself from laughing when I read this. Great review...I love your snark and rage, and am glad that there are other honest reviewers out there who will save me from wasting my money on overpriced crap like this.

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Copyright 2008-2011 Dangerous Lilly aka This Could Be Dangerous - If you see this content anywhere else, it's been scraped illegally and without my consent. Copyright violators will be hunted down and beaten with a spiked metal ball. But since they're stupid and will include even this portion, I might as well invite you to my real sex blog where you can read about sex toys and get to know me.

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I’m posting this early because tomorrow is the SOPA Blackout and all my sites are participating with the help of a WordPress SOPA plugin.

I’m a huge fan of Tumblr porn, I’ll admit. Gifs, reblogged pics videos….I follow people who reblog “professional” stuff and post their own yummy goodness. So today, I’m contributing in the tradition of the Animated Gif!

Wanton “Wedneday” will be extended this week because of the SOPA Blackout, however you’ll still be able to access the site – but check back on Thursday to make sure you catch ALL the Wanton players!

Comments

• January 17, 2012, nitebyrd writes: That is an excellent .gif and a beaut of a WW. That bra is GORGEOUS! ~ Thanks hon!
• January 17, 2012, travelingsoldier writes: I am incredibly jealous of that sweatshirt. After a few minuets of staring I think a saw some nipple. I don't know maybe it is my imagination ~Nope, not your imagination!
• January 17, 2012, Molly writes: This is mesmerising.... Brilliant work Lilly. Mollyxxx
• January 17, 2012, Pixel writes: Can't. Stop. Watching. It definitely is enthralling...and ohmygoodness, that is a sexy bra!
• January 17, 2012, Aurore writes: I am hypnotized. Your breasts are incredible. (and where did you get that bra?!?!?)
• January 17, 2012, Nadia West writes: Hot!
• January 17, 2012, Inferno writes: Really good job on that animated gif. Kudos for participating on the SOPA Blackout. I'm not having any of my blogs Blackout because I never got the time to set it up on them all, but I am doing it to my bigger traffic commercial sites.
• January 17, 2012, KaziGrrl writes: WOW, I love it!! :D I'll be part of the SOPA blackout tomorrow for my li'l blog... ~Kazi xxx
• January 18, 2012, Curvaceous Dee writes: That is totally awesome! xx Dee
• January 18, 2012, J writes: omfg!!! Soooo hot!! Remembered that bra was mention on one of your post, absolutely lurve that bra. Especially the lashes effect on the borders. Stunning pair of rack!!
• January 19, 2012, adriana writes: Cute!
• January 19, 2012, Hubman writes: That's great, I love it! Mousing over the image I saw the filename, that gave me a little chuckle...
• January 20, 2012, MrM writes: That is awesome!
• January 20, 2012, Nurse Rat-chet writes: OOOOOOOOOHHHHH MMMMYYYYYYYY!!

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Copyright 2008-2011 Dangerous Lilly aka This Could Be Dangerous - If you see this content anywhere else, it's been scraped illegally and without my consent. Copyright violators will be hunted down and beaten with a spiked metal ball. But since they're stupid and will include even this portion, I might as well invite you to my real sex blog where you can read about sex toys and get to know me.

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Now I turn the tables on other reviews, after answering these questions myself in Part 1!

Elizabeth Red has been reviewing sex toys for quite a few years now at her blog, The Red Sneaker Diaries. I would say that she’s a good combination of a little bit forgiving and objective mixed with honest¹ and intellectual in her reviews. You can view most of her reviews on her blog here at her toy box page. I also love her Lube Lab pages where she breaks down the different types of lube in all their scientific hotness. Elizabeth is the first in a short series of long-time reviewers that I’ve asked to answer 4 easy (or are they?) questions about sex toys and reviewing.

1. How many toys, roughly, have you reviewed or acquired in other ways since you started reviewing?

Answer: 300 review products + at least 100 items via swaps and purchasing

2. How many of them actually saw a lot of use past the review session?

Answer: I will give you two answers.  

A:  Lots saw use after initial trial session.  Probably 75% of them.  Now a days I probably pick things up for fun use only about 30% of the time but early on I used almost everything a handful of times before letting it get dusty.  This excludes books, which I just never reread.  

B:  I have been actively trimming my collection for a while now, I think I’ve probably kept about a hundred things², so that’s how many I would say saw real active use that lasted over time.  Still, many of those see little use but fill niches that I get a hankering for every once in a while.  Honestly, I feel like I could choose just a few dozen of my real favorites and be happy with them.

3. What toys have been your top favorites over all the time you’ve been reviewing?

Answer: Hitachi Magic Wand, The Wahl, Eroscillator, We Vibe Touch, Lelo Siri, Saryoa and Gigi, Nobessence Linger and Fling, my Hans Hardwood dildo, Vixskin Maverick, Jollies Jollet, Njoy Pure Plugs, Aneros Peridise, my TENS unit, Bongers³, Venerous Shaving Trio,  LeatherThorn Rose Blush Paddle, my custom Leatherbeaten Flogger.

4. What has been the most important thing or two you’ve learned since becoming a reviewer that you didn’t know as a consumer?

Answer: This is harsh, but what I now know is that as a consumer I’d be totally fucked.  Obviously I enjoy luxury toys but many of the luxury toys I’ve had that I was soooooo stoked about getting have been total duds⁴, and many on my list of favorites I was not expecting to love as much as I do.  Maybe that’s more an issue with having tried so many things, however.  I guess what I do now know is that one should never pay full retail price on anything – it *will* go on sale.

Thank you, Red! I would very much agree with the last answer. I think I spent around $300 or $400 in my time purchasing sex toys the few years prior to reviewing them and I don’t use a single one anymore. My most expensive splurges were SO not worth the money; the Doc Johnson rabbit was great and amazing for a couple of runs and then it quickly turned on me. That soured me on spending over $75 on a single item. I also bought the Feeldoe before it was bought up by Tantus; it was just as expensive back then (probably more so since it was being made by a smaller company?) and I ended up not able to ever use it for the intended purpose. It sat around mostly unused for quite some time. Occasionally I’d use it as a dildo on myself but I eventually put it up on Toyswap.

Comments

• January 19, 2012, adriana writes: What a great point about it going on sale. I, too, regret most of my expensive purchases.
• January 22, 2012, Epiphora writes: It's kind-of insane how many favorite items I have in common with you, Red. Great vaginas feel alike?
• January 24, 2012, Red writes: Looking forward to more in this series Lily! @Epiphora Nice one, and I agree - great...epic...magnificent...all these descriptors work for me. It sounds like I should scope out your faves for new things to try!

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Copyright 2008-2011 Dangerous Lilly aka This Could Be Dangerous - If you see this content anywhere else, it's been scraped illegally and without my consent. Copyright violators will be hunted down and beaten with a spiked metal ball. But since they're stupid and will include even this portion, I might as well invite you to my real sex blog where you can read about sex toys and get to know me.

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