.:DANIAL ARIFF:.

Recovering the Loss

2010-02-07T10:42:00.003+08:00

it has been 2 years since last time i debated. throughout my participation, i always found it interesting, and rather useful especially in my studies and personal skill development. being a law student, speech-delivering skill is significant to become a successful presenter.

yesterday, was a day for me to recover what i have lost for 2 years. yesterday was a 1-day participation to remind me of what i have participated in, and what i have developed within me. even though the session was short for me, it is something to be memorized and used as guidelines. it was a debate training session with seniors and juniors of my secondary school, Sekolah Berasrama Penuh Integrasi Selandar.

i participated in a match, and debated after 2 years of not debating. i still found it something to be proud of as i could present excellently even though it has been a long time i stopped debating, rather exciting i have shown my skills and talents to the juniors for them to learn and improve.

apart from getting back my debater title, i also recovered something that i have forgotten, the school memories i had with my friends and juniors. i got to meet some who i still recognize and even remember their names. some say i have changed a lot, but 1 thing that time does not change is, me as a student who was there, studying and enjoying school moments once upon a time, like them now.

the scenery is still the same, but there are additional features and views added to the school. at least i have come to the place where i belonged few years back, before i fly to Australia next week, the University of Adelaide specifically, furthering my studies and getting new experience in foreign countries.

1 thing for sure, there's no blame to put if you turn your head back to the past as it shall recover precious memories you have enjoyed, and your identity, knowing about who you were last time.

1 Litre No Namida

2010-02-05T12:01:00.004+08:00

"Why did this disease choose me? I can't accept it just with the word 'fate'..."

this is a quote from a Japanese drama which was based on a real life story of a girl who had an incurable disease, Ikeuchi Aya. throughout the drama, her fate is visualized way back from early moment before knowing the fact about her having the disease, until her very end suffering on this so-called cruel world.

is it? the world that we are living on, the place where we breathe fresh air in and out, the paradise with beautiful panoramas and views, diverse cultures and moral values, the place where most people do their best in their lives, the place where poor people get helps from concerned neighbors, even throughout the world. with that, is it reasonable to say it's cruel?

looking back at another perspectives, where rich people become richer without paying their attention on helping those who are in need, intelligent generation who gain lots of success neglecting their parents who don't even ask for luxury from their children, and criminals walking down the street without being arrested when corrupted government is on duty, isn't it reasonable to say so?

in this drama, i learnt a lot. from society's perspective to individual concern. it's all about love and sharing worst cases with others. pity, is not for lowering standards of people, it's just about taking other people's pain as ours. ashamed, is not for departing your families because of who they are, it's just about being more understanding and tolerant to each other. jealousy, is not totally about being envied because of other people's achievements, rather it's about motivating yourself to become better person.

even though her ability was 1 by 1 and slowly taken away due to this cruel disease, she still kept herself on track and tried as best as she can to live her life even with limited mobility and using wheelchair. for what she thought of in her mind was, being useful to the society at the best of her ability. no matter how small you contribute, as long as you're doing the as best as you can, it's something to be proud of.

i'm sorry for not giving out the synopsis, even if i have watched the drama series 3 times already. nevertheless, the moral values and philosophies derived from the drama are rather important to be expressed. therefore, if anyone of you who haven't watched this drama, i would suggest you to have a look. how life changes in times, how unlucky fate has bestowed courage, and how love could change people. let's have a look at these quotes, and let yourself dive into it...

"if you look up at the sky after falling down, the blue sky is also stretching limitlessly and smiles at me...i'm alive..."

"people shouldn't dwell on the past. it is enough to try your best in all that you're doing now..."

"even though i have been hurt by those heartless glances, this also helped me to understand that around me, there still exists some gentle glances. therefore, i definitely won't run away. that's what i'll do. definitely, always..."

that's all, sayonara...

Dancing on the World Stage

2010-02-02T18:39:00.004+08:00

this is another music video uploaded from my MV-saving folder. i am attracted to this song because of DBSK's powerful voices, especially at chorus part. besides, this song which is entitled 'Bolero', really inspires me of what are constituted in our lives, dreams and goals those are.
this MV is about a young girl who are really interested in Ballet dance. however, she just cant appear herself as a dancer in front of crowd because she's stuck in hesitation, about her ability and talent. she thinks, she could not stand on stages and is too humble, since particularly in this MV she is just a cleaner. everyday, she will just watch other girls practicing without any intention to show her own talent, and keep doubting until one day when her talent is noticed by the coach at the moment where she unintentionally shows all that she's got when she opens her steps, alone in the room, dancing.
that's how life constitutes dreams and goals. i believe each and everyone of us has our own dreams, and goals. no matter how ridiculous they are, some of us we'll try as much as we could and struggle for them. but there are some people who have their dreams, and only keep dreaming without realizing their own ability, talent and skill to show before they retreat far backward.
i admit that i might be some of those who cant really stand on the stage alone. but that does not mean we cant go farther, as what we should do is open ourselves to the world. there are a lot of opportunities for us to try, lots of success to achieve, lots of failures to experience, so that we could become more successful in life.
it has been 20 years. so far, i have had so much opportunities, heart-breaking moments, precious successes, and companies among friends and relatives. in fact, less than 2 weeks from now, i'll be gone for some years, furthering my studies in real new life, and environment. this is an opportunity for me to expand my perspectives in life, at other places. i will appreciate this very opportunity and i'm gonna show to the world, someone like me can also be successful!
that's all, wish me luck!=)
UNIVERSITY OF ADELAIDE, HERE I COME!!!

Finally, visa approved!

2010-01-28T22:47:00.003+08:00

yeah, as the title states my visa has finally been approved after almost a week of waiting, even though some of my friends took only less than 24 hours to settle everything! well, at least i got the approval, and certainly will be flying on the expected date of 13 Feb.

just got to know about the flight date after attending JPA briefing this morning, not confirmed yet though. still have to endure another painful undesirable waiting for confirmation of flight. i just got back from KL, and tomorrow i'll be going to KL again to submit my visa and passport to the JPA office.

now i could calm myself down since everything is done, but of course except for shopping spree! getting some monies from our sponsor today has provided me a chance to buy lots of stuffs to bring to Adelaide. sadly those cash, i don't think is enough. no matter, 'berjimat cermat amalan mulia'.

for now, chiow~

Foreign Language

2010-01-27T20:03:00.008+08:00

well, as you can see the above picture, it is the Japanese national flag. don't think i'm going to tell you the features, colors, symbols and meanings of those components. but i would like to imply something which is contained in this post that related to the flag. The language!

since i'm gonna further my studies in the University of Adelaide, i think it would be a forward step to take additional foreign language when i am studying there. yeap, that's right! i wanna take Japanese as 1 of my preference. of course if it's possible, i would like to add japanese classes in my schedule, but if i can't take anymore additional subjects, then it looks as if i have to forgo my wish to learn 1 of the languages that DBSK sings in, apart from korean.

yeah, at first i would love to learn korean as a substitute to japanese before i realize that the university hasn't provided choice to learn korean. it's saddening actually, since i am listening to mostly korean songs, and some japanese songs. but no matter, i'll just go on with japanese and hope that it would be useful in the future, especially in understanding some of japanese songs that i am addicted to.

but, if i would have gotten a chance to learn korean, i won't miss it! plus, actually i have started to learn korean through online and with help of my friends. but since i realized logically that i won't be learning it in Adelaide, i should just have started with japanese, like what i'm doing now. for the time being before flying, i would focus on the characters of Kata, Hira and Kanji so that it would be easier soon when i get in to the classes.

hopefully, the effort that i am working on and determination will help me to succeed in learning Japanese. that's all, さようなら!~

Saeng-il Cukha Hamnida Kim Jaejoong!

2010-01-25T22:16:00.003+08:00

As the title says, which means, happy birthday Kim Jaejoong! (생일 축하합니다!). well, he's one of DBSK members who are having tough experience with SME recently. no matter, let's just hope that they will win the lawsuit, and restore peace among their fans, including myself. enough talking, let's have some introduction about his personal details and backgrounds...

Hero Jaejoong

*Stage Name: Hero / Youngwoong Jaejoong

*Real Name: Kim Jaejoong

*Birthdate: 26 January 1986

*Birthplace: Chungnam

*Height: 180 cm

*Weight: 63

*Blood Type: O

*Hobbies: Playing computer games, listening to music, playing piano, composing, cooking

*Specialty: Singing

*Position: Main Vocal

finally, to you Kim Jaejoong, and the rest of group members, Keep The Faith! for your fans will be always supporting you guys.

that's all, 안녕히 가세요 (an-nyeong-hi kyeseyo / goodbye)!

*source: kpopmusic

My Interest

2010-01-24T11:24:00.003+08:00

it seems i'm really working out my 2010 resolution, which is to become a big fan of Japanese and Korean entertainments. it looks like i have marched forward to succeeding in making it real! the above video is SNSD Gee song MV. the first time i listened to this song is when i was watching Super Junior Intimate Note, a Korean variety show. it is hilarious but the show is not published without purpose or with improper objective. it's all about becoming more friendly to each other as a group. that's why it is called intimate.

back to this video. i find the song pretty interesting, and the rhythm is exactly my type. not to mention the singers are all beautiful! yeah, especially in this video they all look cute. but hey, i'm not saying that i fancy this video and song just because of their beauty, but the beauty within the song itself. okay?

i have never thought that i would have at least 1 song of theirs though. in fact, the songs are not that bad at all actually. overall, i have 4 SNSD songs already in my savings, which are Chocolate Love, Into the New World, genie and Gee. of course i'll be continuing to discover more of their songs, even Big Bang songs i haven't discovered fully. surprisingly, there could be some of DBSK songs which i have never listened to yet, probably because the group produces albums in different version under different companies, which make DBSK more versatile. no matter, i'll keep looking and download them if they sound good to my ear.

Chiow~

Current Updates

2010-01-23T18:01:00.004+08:00

well, i have done with visa application, including medical check up at Goh Tiow Beng Clinic and Putra Specialist Hospital in Melaka. i'm now of course waiting for approval, and honestly i'm worried if it could not pass through the Australian High Commission in Kuala Lumpur. in other words, i'm afraid if i would not be granted an approved visa.

JPA staff called me yesterday, informing that pre-departure briefing is on this Thursday, and surprisingly we have to wear formal attire! Luckily i haven't banished my BTN shirt before i need to buy a new one. No matter, i don't expect to wear that short-sleeved shirt since i'll be wearing my own formal attire, which does not meet JPA's requirement totally.XD

there are lots of things i have to buy some more, and i'm expecting this Thursday is JPA-paying-back-our-money day since my wallet has been emptied after first phase shopping.XD

not to be rude or anything, but it seems JPA is working inefficiently since we have stranded students who are still here in Malaysia when their classes have already started a week ago. Congratulations for making the students spare time to spend with their families when they have already been expecting their children to perform excellently in their studies with full attendance ever since a week ago!

i hope this case won't be repeated when i am about to fly. even if we get to fly, does not mean we're leaving according to schedule. when a schedule is not being followed, that's how ones could see the efficiency.

My Interest

2010-01-09T18:37:00.002+08:00

i don't have any idea on why i am writing and posting this thread. anyway, it's just an act of sharing, but i'm also wondering the reason for having this kinda interest.

Starting from few months before last year end, i have started to listen to Japanese and Korean songs, which i still remember, 'Purple Line' by Dong Bang Shin Ki (DBSK) was my first song i listened to. After a few months, until now, i have loads of Korean and Japanese songs in my hard disk. These are the songs...

Dong Bang Shin Ki:

White Lies, Begin, Bolero, Choosey Lover, Crazy Love, Darkness Eyes, Drive, Forever Love, Hi Ya Ya, Holding Back the Tears, I'm Missing You, If, Insa, Kotoba Wa Iranai, Last Angel, Love After Love, Love In the Ice, Love Is, Loving You, Why Have I Fallen in Love With You?, Mirotic, Miss You, My Destiny, Nobody Knows, O, One, Phantom, Picture of You, Purple Line, Ride On, Share The World, Sky, Somebody to Love, Stand BY You, Tea For Two, Travel Log, Triangle, Try My Love, You're My Miracle, Miduhyo, Balloon, Break Out, I Wish, Seaside (DBSK, SHINee, Super Junior).

Super Junior:

At Least You're Here, Don't Don, Full OF Happiness, It's You, Me, Sorry Sorry, Super Girl, Why I Like You, Listen To You.

Big Bang:

Bringing You Love, Foolish Love, Gara Gara Go, I Don't Understand, Make Love, Strong Baby, Only Look At Me, Where You At.

That's all i have in my 'savings'. but still, for me it's something to be proud of. okay, i admit that some songs which i listen to, i don't understand the meaning, but at least there are some songs which i have understood, after i checked the translations.

Music is something subjective and not stereotype. even if you listen to slow songs, doesn't mean that they are sad ones. music also shows complexity. It has lyrics and rhythm. Sometimes, people tend to like the rhythm, they prefer to listen to them even though they don't understand the lyrics, and some people prefer to listen to meaningful lyrics which they understand, even if their rhythm are not that attractive. Not excluding people who have interests on both rhythm and lyrics, and the other way around.

Does music reflect how life should be seen? obviously sometimes you would see someone smiles, but who knows what's going on in one's heart? and sometimes we even see parents especially, cry out their tears, but it is actually not because of their children's failure. So sit down and think about it.

*Actually, i am trying to say that, don't feel weird if i love listening to Korean and Japanese songs even though i don't understand.:P
*However, does music and our lives has the same features and interpretation? i think so..;)

Current Updates

2010-01-08T20:31:00.007+08:00

Regarding the acceptance of offer, finally it has been settled. Wondering where has JPA decided to send me to? It's University of Adelaide guys! Well, actually i have been thinking that definitely i'll be going there, since my result isn't as excellent as my friends who has succeeded to claim their place in Melbourne, Queensland, and other top universities. Still, Adelaide isn't really a place for low-scorer after all, right?

It has been rumored that University of Adelaide is 1 of the best universities for law students. In fact, I'm a student, and lawyer-to-be! Not to mention it as 1 of the top universities in Australia as well, which is well-known as G8.

For now, I'm waiting for Confirmation of Enrollment (COE), which will be received soon, or in a few days, or might be in a week! I'm just thinking that the sooner i receive COE, the faster i can prepare my things to fly to Australia...

Therefore, wish me luck and smooth completing all necessary procedures..:D

WAITING PERIOD

2009-12-20T15:06:00.002+08:00

yeah, as the title says, i'm in a waiting period. not the one in family law, where both parties, husband and wife wait for a declaration from the court to have their marriage dissolved. but mine, it's all about one party, which is me myself! i'm done with SAM, i'm done with studies (for now at least), and i have already received my result! so, the next thing to do is to wait for JPA letter of confirmation, about the place or specifically university that they're gonna send me abroad!

till then, i shall be gone...( and wish me luck! )

HAPPY AIDILIFITRI

2009-09-20T07:39:00.002+08:00

I WOULD LIKE TO WISH ALL MUSLIMS,

HAPPY AIDILFITRI, MAAF ZAHIR & BATIN...

what a day 2...

2009-09-16T21:49:00.002+08:00

yeah, today was quite interesting! surprisingly, i acted as if i haven't been told about what should i do for legal studies paper. guess what? i answered 2 questions for 10-mark essay which actually we are supposed to choose only 1 out of 5 questions. no wonder i was nervous about the time because it's not enough of course! and yet i have a 20-mark essay to be done, i spent so much time doing 1 more unecessary 10-mark essay question. honestly, i felt like crying when i realized that i had mistakenly read the instruction. but fortunately i could control myself and continue working on what should i be doing.

i cancelled the other 10-mark essay. and i know that was kinda wasting my time. with 6 short response questions, i felt really2 nervous. and my handwritting was a total mess! i don't know whether ms wendy could read but when i tried to do so, i can at least. luckily, i managed to complete answering all the questions, even though there were some blanks because i just can't understand the question! was it asking about function of passing a bill or function of the bill itself? sigh...

still, not enough with that. this fellow really annoyed me today and this person acted as if 'dia' so good and 'bajet bagus'! it's up to me la to do what in my vicinity or whatever that lies on my private area. don't simply say things that could hurt others if you just can't understand the other person better. 'dahla menyakitkan hati dulu2, hari ni kau buat lagi sakit hati aku. tolonglah!!!' i just can't stand it, and that's why i turned my speaker loud, so that i can relieve my anger.

hopefully tomorrow is a lucky, truely lucky day...

2nd day of trial...

2009-09-16T10:04:00.002+08:00

i am sitting in the web, it's cold! but remembering that i didn't post anything yesterday, so that's why i am writing this post. even though yesterday was also quite a tiring day, going back by bus and yet standing, so damn unlucky! but it was kinda weird since i was smiling along the way back to casa. don't know why.

i got a call, for Jabatan Pendidikan Melaka. i wonder what's the purpose and the most important thing, how can they have my phone number? when i called my father, then i knew that they got it from my mother. but still asking myself, why eh? from what i have been acknowledged, they just wanna know where i am studying now, and surprisingly they also know that i'm gonna fly (insyaAllah) next year!

anyway, regarding yesterday's paper, ESL, it was quite fine, and no careless mistake was done, but still worried about the language though. i know dr santha is gonna kill me! at least i did it under a stress-free atmosphere, which means i did fine, i guess so.

right after this i have legal studies paper, and i am certain that i will reject any questions regarding family law, it's sickening! but at least i have studied even though by just taking a brief look at the notes. now, it's time to continue doing revision, before the exam starts!

what a day...

2009-09-14T22:31:00.002+08:00

like what we study in economics, the business cycle will show a cyclical pattern. so does our lives. it would not be as happy as always. sometimes, we could be drowned in sadness, and disappointment, as what i have experienced today. i had never thought that it would turn out even worst! right after getting stressed with careless done for economics test, i went home late even though the exam ended at 10.10am and it was tiring! and i'm disappointed with someone for that even until now.

once i reached home, i straight away went to bed to refresh myself. but i just can't stand it, until i cried for 5 hours approximately! unconsciously, i woke up at almost 8pm! which means i broke fast late, and i was deadly hungry with having no 'sahur' this morning. i went down to 'kak su' for breaking fast. even worst the tension i got was not enough. i had waited for almost 1 hour there to have my meal served!

fortunately ESL will start at 11am tomorrow, which means tonight i can rest my mind from all those unnecessary tensions. even though my heart is broken now because of that someone, i should not forget to not breaking the hearts of my parents. i still have to excell in study, particularly in trial that i am having now. i hope tomorrow is a lucky and happy day...

i don't get it!

2009-09-14T10:34:00.002+08:00

i write this post right after my first trial. not because i'm excited managed to answer all the questions, but i am disappointed. i just don't know how to express my feelings right now, sitting in the web seems opened for me to cry out loud. but what can i do is feeling hurt inside, holding my tears from coming out.

brain-drained!

2009-09-13T12:47:00.002+08:00

okay, tomorrow is the first day for trial, with challenging subject, economics. now, i am working on my study plan, but it seems my brain has been drained by too much readings! my mind is always diverted to do something else, playing games particularly or watching some videos. it feels like overloaded with millions of words, and i am not certain whether i could vomit them tom0rrow.

of course i'm worried because i have not finished studying. 2 more chapters need to be covered before night comes because that's the only time for me to review all chapters at the same time. since tomorrow's test is gonna start at 7am, definitely i won't have much time to do last-minute checking of notes, with nerve-wrecking of entering the hall on the first day of trial, it really drives me crazy!

i wish i could do my very best, since this subject in trial is crucial for me to upgrade my internal marks. what can i do now is having a little rest before continuing to study, before my brain explodes and all words, facts, examples, definitions, scattered everywhere and got lost!

In Progress

2009-09-10T17:24:00.002+08:00

yup, the study plan has started to function, quite effectively it seems. actually, i have just finished 2 chapters for legal studies by the time i write this post. tonight, i might be burning night candles, but only until 12 am is acceptable. if not, will feel sleepy tomorrow.

maybe i'll be finishing 2 more chapters and taking some times tomorrow during break to complete chapter 5. according to the study plan prepared, i should be studying mathematics and accounting studies tomorrow! and that's why i have to do so.

2 subjects that i am worried about; economics and mathematics. even though we have done trial or past year papers, it seems i have not studied, not anything at all but even i don't understand some workings which we should understand by now for mathematics particularly. and of course practices are not enough, but at this moment, we're expecting lecturers to give us some time to open the book and restudy, not get stuck with questions that are confusing our drained minds with coming trial next week and undone self-preparation.

i'm not saying that doing past year or trial papers is not helping, but the time of doing them is not suitable. i would prefer having them done 2 weeks before trial rather where we could have our own time to self-prepare on parts of the subject that you're not confident of if the questions ask. tomorrow is the last day meeting with lecturers before we struggle on our own starting next monday! i am indicating that i'm happy, not because i have confidence to seat for trial, but thinking of Hari Raya coming seems lessening the burden although for a moment...;D

study plan!

2009-09-08T21:28:00.002+08:00

yeah, since the trial is coming, i have come up with a somewhat study plan, hopefully it will work and function...

_________________________

Wednesday, 9 Sept: Legal Studies (Chapter 1-3)

Thursday, 10 Sept: Legal Studies (Chapter 4-5)

Friday, 11 Sept: Mathematics + Accounting Studies

Saturday, 12 Sept: Economics (Chapter 1-5)

Sunday, 13 Sept: Economics (Chapter 6-8) + (Review)

Monday, 14 Sept: ESL

Tuesday, 15 Sept: Legal Studies (Review)

Wednesday, 16 Sept: Mathematics (Review) + Accounting Studies (Review)

_________________________

i know maybe it seems weird for me to post this study plan on this blog, but actually no that i wanna promote my cleverness or be egoistic, it's just that i want it to be an acknowledgment of my seriousness in making this plan working! i always check my blog, and with that i would be constantly reminded about what should i do in a few days after. of course it's important, it's trial guys! and it worth 10% for internal assessment! besides, this result of trial would be a benchmark of our stand, whether we're performing well or the other way around. therefore, wish me luck!

*suggestions are encouraged for better plan!:D

study time? nah..

2009-09-06T23:05:00.002+08:00

i don't know what's on my mind because it seems i don't have any exams coming. guess what? it's trial next week and i'm still playing around, dota especially, nowadays. yeah, having a housemate who would play with you, i just can't say 'no' (LOL). i did plan to study today, and tom0rrow, but as i said before, holidays should not be distracted with studies, at all! i'm now somewhat relaxing my mind, before i struggle deadly for trials next weekend.

i know that the time is gonna be kinda late, but 1 of my friend says, under a circumstance that ordinary people would that think they are clumsy, but it's not actually. under that pressure, you're encouraged to study more, and it's quite efficient! rather than studying earlier taking hours to finish 1 page of thick notes. yeah, that is what i mean. studying earlier does not mean you're well-prepared earlier though.

about that unsolved problem, it has been almost a month! yeah, within this time i have enjoyed my life to the fullest, without getting bothered with insane people around! i regret about what have i done before, especially to my housemates. knowing the fact that we're housemates, i just can't ignore them at all! but that creep, befriending him seems furthering the gap between us. now i have a lot of time to spend with them. and i am grateful.

as time passes by, i know that i just can't keep my anger for a long time. even our beloved Prophet forgave his ummat, why not us? actually, i tried to confront him, but he is just still mad at me, and i don't know what else i should do. maybe one day his heart will be opened for forgiveness, who knows? 1 thing for sure, even though we have forgiven each other, the atmosphere won't be the same. i am now having my friends surrounding me, who don't differentiate me, and discriminate me either! they accept the way i am, and that's it! thank you guys!!^o^

unfortunate day

2009-08-31T10:33:00.002+08:00

'Merdeka' day seems started quite badly. last night i went to sleep late because i was really frustrated and i can sense ultimate jealousy! i bet you don't wanna know since it's kinda weird and abnormal to be jealous of that matter. but for me, it really makes me feel so, okay. i'm now still mad at that fellow. what on earth he's planning to do? only 1 thing that pops out in my mind, and that perception that i am almost sure of is what makes me sick, and feel like stabbing someone.

last whole night, i turned my speakers loud, with hope that i can reduce my tense and stress. yet, it didn't work and i am still feeling to get a knife! i just don't like the way it goes, it seems weird. since my blog is quite public, i don't wanna waste my time telling the story that those people (if they were to read this) can predict themselves.

today, i wake up early, so that i can do some laundry. with hope that i can refresh myself from last night tension and stressful atmosphere. yet, i am still boarded with mixed feelings, mad, angry, jealous, all of them!

still, i don't know what went wrong, as if everything that i tried to work on, seem not getting the desired results. at the end, i still suffer. but 1 thing that i am certain of, is i'm gonna do what i intend to do now. fullstop.

should i leave...

2009-08-30T18:44:00.002+08:00

i know this post seems emo. but feelings can't be kept for a long time, even though you're as strong as a 'badang'. some people say, just let it out. some would say, just hold your tears because this is just a glimpse of life.

first thing i want to say, i'm sorry. i don't know how others see me as a friend. but in my perception, i'm 1 of the bad friend in the world. you may say humans are not perfect, so do i. but my imperfection is worst. i know myself so much, and i don't want the real 'me' to hurt others in many ways.

i had a dark history back then. i know i won't be able to vanish it from my memory. even i know that i need to change for a valuable future, but it's just that myself is not capable of doing it. to prevent it from happening, i should leave. that's the only way...

*when the sun shines, you can't differentiate between glass and water...

no more econs presentation

2009-08-28T21:21:00.002+08:00

yeah, today, it was my turn to do the presentation on whether greater participation helps in human and economic development in low-income countries, choosing India as the one and only example. briefly, greater participation in global economy does promote human and economic development, if simultaneously the country has a good governance. of course it's theoretically correct, but when the government fails to do so, there's no more point of participating greatly in international level.

it was not so smooth as if perfect all the time. i did make some mistakes like twisted tongue, forgotten of changing slides, but all these i hope won't cause me to get low marks. whatever happened, i think i had done my very best, and since this was the last internal assessment for economics, i presented confidently.

there's no use of presenting without any audiences, but when i saw Ms Malini at times, she seemed bored (i'm so sad). was i presenting so boring until her eyes looked like closed and she seemed fell asleep at some moments?. but i hope it was not my mistakes that cause her to feel so. i know my answers were lacking of points that i should mention, but i did my best to give statistics and information that no one among them know about.

after all, i gave my best shot, and i am not totally disappointed even though there were mistakes. still, i can't stop right here since there are lots of presentation coming when i move into university level. practices still need to be done, but sadly there are no more. yet, having them done with trial around the corner, i feel really relieved. now, it's time for me to study for trial which is coming less than 2 weeks from now. i'll try my best for it, since i'm gonna prove that i deserve to fly to Australia!!!...

should i, or should not?

2009-08-26T19:54:00.002+08:00

until today, i have got 2 conditional offers; from University of Queensland, and another 1 is from Monash University. i'm glad that at least i have somethings to encourage myself to study harder and perform well in studies. but still they are subjected to conditions; 1 of them is good result in IELTS.

this condition really make me drowned in dilemma. i don't know whether i should repeat it or just let it be as it is. the reason why i am drowning in dilemma is because of the offer from UQ. it states that i have to submit another slip of IELTS result with overall band score of at 7 with at least score of 7 in writing and speaking. in other words, i have to resit for the test.

knowing that the cost is high, and realizing the fact that i am not high-confident about my capability of getting better results, i think i shouldn't. i notice that my english has improved even though it is as if 1-step forward. but seating for this kind of test really needs skills and more practices that i may be lacking of. that's why i am wondering if i were to retake the test, would i be able to get a better result?

at the first place, i was excited to apply for UQ. but since the requirements are quite high, knowing the fact that i am not deserved to get a place there due to my incapability, but at the same time getting another alternative which is Monash, i think i should not repeat the test.

but it's kinda sad to just leave the offer without trying to satisfy the requirements, of course it is as if showing my lack of courage and confidence to achieve better performance. thinking of all this, and now i am completely having no idea about what should i do...

I need help!

2009-08-26T16:26:00.002+08:00

it has been 3 days of attending classes, and i keep falling asleep! i don't know why i feel so sleepy nowadays, even when i go to sleep early. my focus in class is distracted, off course. not that i want to sleep, but it's just that i'm always feeling sleepy, and having headache some more.

i can see it's becoming worst since i have got headache on the 3rd day. i slept early last night about 11 hoping that i can restore my energy, and regain freshness for today. but then, it turns out that going to bed at 11 as if it is still late. when i write this post, it is after i had some sleep, but for just 1 hour! i would love to sleep more this evening, but knowing that i have presentation coming, i just can't leave it undone.

now, i'm gonna finish my slides and start practicing. this is the last internal assessment in class for econimics, which means i have got to score at least 5% over 5% to improve my internal marks. this shows how bad i am, struggling at the end of a war when everyone has already enjoyed passion of winning. but still, no matter what i'll try my best for this the very last! i'm gonna makesure that i'll get that 5%! wish me luck!