You’ll see this middle role in just about every industry, home, and organization: the trader.

You may not like what I’m about to say, but hang on to the end and I think you’ll see the big picture.

Look at a hospital and you might see my point.

In a hospital you have patients. They need. They are desperate for care. They depend on others to keep them alive (generally speaking, of course).

Then, you have the professionals. Their job is to clock in and do the work of caring for others.

And finally, you have the volunteers.

In my illustration, let’s let the patients represent the takers. They do not enter the hospital for anything but selfish reasons (and the hospital is rightfully there to care for those with critical needs). 

Are you a patient in your marriage? Do you depend on your spouse to make you feel okay? 

Are you a patient in your parenting, craving attention or appreciation from your children? 

Are you a taker on your job, needing a raise or special accommodations for your demands? 

What about with your church, do you need others to keep you alive or do you give life to others?

Then, there are the medical trade professionals. Interesting word: “trade.” To trade something is to exchange goods or services for something in your own personal interest. Yes, doctors and nurses save lives and give quality care, but they do it in a trade for money. Practically, I do not fault critical caregivers for being paid well. However, is this how you interact with the people in your life?

The “trader” is the person I see between the giver and the taker. The trader thinks she is giving. But what does she want in return? Acceptance, appreciation, attention? 

The trader husband thinks he is giving himself for his wife as Jesus did for the church until she doesn’t show him the attention he craves. Then, he’s all like, “I pay the bills here and give you a nice house and this is the thanks I get?” See the transactional terms in his statement? 

Or the dad who gives expecting something in return will say something like, “I buy you clothes and food and give you a place to sleep, and the least you can do is clean up your room!” 

That kind of love feels cheap. 

Are you a teacher, a plumber, or a soloist? Why do you do what you do? Is it for the money? Is it for the people who come back and thank you? Is it to prove to everyone else that you can make something of yourself?

There’s a third set of people at many hospitals that might not be easy to understand. They are the volunteers. 

When my fifth-born was in the hospital, an elderly lady came to her room with a dog. The two of them were wearing bright, clowny-type clothes and accents. It was fun. They lifted the mood in the room. They cost us nothing.

Another type of volunteers are the family and friends who come and sit with their loved-one. Many times, these givers might be the sole reason a person pulls through a dark tunnel with their health. You couldn’t put a wage on the love they bring.

Another of the great volunteers I have seen at the bedside are the ministers of Jesus Christ. They bring a listening ear. They bring a sense of calm. Or they pray and the Lord heals the weakened body. 

Is it time to level-up your game? 

Which person are you showing up as in your home, your business, your community, and your church?

How free could you feel if you did what you did because of love instead of just for an income or applause? Expert tip: you can avoid burnout if you do what you do out of love rather than expecting anything in return.

How can you give life instead of depending on others for their life-flow? 

How can you get out of the “trader” zone and give more love, peace, and hope than anyone could ever repay?

Are you unhappy? Jesus brings joy. Stressed? Jesus brings peace.

I’m weary of hearing Christian clichés from people who do not live in hope and excitement about their lives. Their gospel is a fail-safe from this miserable life instead of the Kingdom of Life Jesus promised.

If your faith is all about fear of hellfire or desire for a mansion in heaven, you are missing something here and now.

Many people who claim to be going to heaven are living from the power of hell right now.

They are tense.

Frustrated.

Angry.

Wounded.

Lust-filled.

Greedy.

Or a hundred other evil motivators.

Everything you say, think, and do is driven by one of two sources.

Life or death.

Heaven or hell.

Spirit or flesh.

Forward or reverse.

You cannot go forward and backward at the same time.

Pride and humility do not coexist. Greed and generosity are not roommates.

Even good works can be done from hellish energy.

Some people preach the gospel out of envy and strife. They want to beat people over the head with guilt or intimidate them with theological intricacies. Others share the gospel of hope, true “good news,” and bring life everywhere they go like Jesus did.

You choose where you are going to live from.

Are you the angry parent? Trying to raise good kids while using dark forces of yelling, scowling, huffing, and threatening. Fighting them to church every Sunday morning. Or are you going to gently train them how to have a pure heart?

You either give life or you take it. You cannot do both at the same time.

The Holy Spirit is the Life-giving Spirit. The human spirit and demon spirits are takers. Living from beneath will drain you and those around you.

Live from above, not beneath. The power of the Spirit surging through you gives life to you and those around you.

Everything. Ask yourself today what is the driving force behind everything you do.

Are you dieting? Why? Has the Lord led you to more self-control and to take better care of your body? Or do you want to look sexy and attract someone’s eye?

Are you working overtime to help the needy or do you want the bigger-than-practical pickup truck so others will look at you?

Let the Spirit motivate every step you take each day and you will not sin. Or, just give in to your impulses, let your flesh drive you, and you will do and say many things you later regret.

Life in the Spirit heals those around us. Life in the flesh only creates wounds, damage, and sorrow.

While I tell this process better in my book Factory Reset, I finally began to see things differently after going through a true repentance process.

For an example of the old me, I used to get so upset when my kids would break things. Ceramic plates and cups would crash to the floor. It seemed like every week someone dropped something and shattered another nice piece of dinnerware.

Is that irritating? Were they being wasteful or just trying to make me mad?

After my spiritual reinstall, I realized that no one could make me mad. I could choose to respond with rage, but no one could MAKE ME angry.

When a plate shatters it only means a fragile object collided with a hard one. If I take any other meaning from the event, it is my choice, not an inherent truth.

Here’s some options of what I could make it mean:

• Ceramic dishes are inferior to plastic
• Kids shouldn’t handle the dishes
• They are breaking things to get on my nerves
• They don’t appreciate the things I’ve paid for
• They just destroy everything
• They don’t care about what matters to me
• Manufactures make things fragile so we will have to buy more of them

The list is endless. What’s funny though, is that once you or I apply a certain meaning to situations in life, we struggle to see it any other way.

Sports are an example of how we apply meanings to things that have no inherent meaning. Why do sports fans become ecstatic when a person carries a football across the end of the field? Because we decided what that line would mean. We could have decided that he would have to hit that football with a bat or throw it through a ring with a net on it. Sports give us a set of goals to measure teamwork and performance by.

What “rules” are you judging your life by? Are they real or imagined? Even if everyone else believes they are true, are they the correct perspective on reality?

As a child, you probably were given the impression that failure meant you were dumb or that you didn’t try hard enough. There are many meanings connected to a failure—some that will help you see life with hope.

At first, I did not cognitively realize that I could change the meaning I gave to situations in life, but my heart had shifted. Just because the Lord had restored me on the inside did not mean dishes stopped breaking in our home.

Then it happened.

One of them handled my favorite cup.

It was the right-size mug for me and the real-treecamouflage style was pretty cool, too.

My mom had given it to me.

They dropped it.

The handle shattered.

And I…

I laughed.

Somehow my former trigger of anger at clumsiness had dissolved.

God’s joy could flow in chaos.

I wasn’t faking it. My heart had shifted and things didn’t matter so much as people now.

Here’s the meaning I could give to that otherwise upsetting event:

• I love my kids more than my favorite coffee mug
• I get to go shopping for a new mug
• I needed to stop drinking caffeine anyway
• Anyone could have dropped it, even me
• I’m glad we don’t have a tile floor or it would break, too

Win the battle between your ears. Put on the thinking of Jesus. He wasn’t horrified but full of joy when He worked His way to the cross.

Jesus wasn’t devastated with the rejection of hundreds of His former followers. He didn’t give up when His closest friends abandoned Him. He knew the right way to look at life’s plot twists and He’ll help you see straight, too.

What meanings are you putting on stuff that are totally fabricated in your mind?

Being fired doesn’t mean you are worthless.

Not having enough money is a chance for you to learn new creativity and ingenuity.

What are some new meanings you should give to your fears, obstacles, and successes?

But…

You don’t have to read far in the Bible to discover that animals are called living souls, too.

In what sense is an animal a soul? Do they live forever? No.

However, animals also have a “blueprint” for their identity.

The amazing difference is that animals do not try to be something they are not. Chickens do not try to be lions. Donkeys do not try to fly. And sharks do not try to operate computers (unless they work at a loan office).

Why do animal souls not leave their created order yet humans do?

Because we have minds.

Other living creatures have brains, but not minds. We who have minds tend to be easily distracted.

Most of us live in our heads rather than in our God-given order.

To live in harmony with your soul, to come back to your God-planned center, you must win the battle of the mind.

Living in doubt will leave us tossed about like a wave in the wind. See James 1:5-8.

To stop drifting on the winds of false teaching and tidal-wave shams that could bring us down, we grow in faith, maturity, and in our identity in King Jesus. See Ephesians 4:14.

More than just get rid of our stinking thinking, we have to join ourselves to others connected to the Master of the blueprint—God. His mind is not just a matter of happy thoughts but of thinking with others in view, others who are also filled with the power of His Spirit.

Left on their own, our minds drive us to shipwreck. We must be renewed in the spirit of our minds, putting on the new self of right-standing and sinless living in God. See Ephesians 4:23-24.

You become transformed into the pure soul you were made to be as your mind becomes renewed. See Romans 12:2. Just as a boat cannot ignore the wind, we cannot just shut off our minds, but we can change them!

First, a person becomes new by the Spirit and rebirth in water. See Titus 3:5.

Then, we put on the mind of Christ. See I Corinthians 2:16.

Daily in prayer and practice, we put on the new self—an ongoing process as our expanding understanding grows us into the image of our Creator. That new self is no longer under the labels of the old life. See Colossians 3:9-11.

If we think about the things of this earth, this flesh, we nosedive toward death. Fixing our minds on what is of the Spirit brings us life and peace. See Romans 8:6.

Please share your thoughts on how you are winning the battle of the mind!

What is the soul?

Just as your physical body has a DNA blueprint for its design, I believe your soul does too. Some people do things to alter their bodies and even more people alter their souls without realizing the damage they do. Let’s talk about what alters a person after we look a little closer at how the soul works.

Your soul is a vessel like a ship.

Engineers design ships to haul cargo, fight battles, or carry airplanes. Just as ships have specific purposes during their time of service, so do you. Do you know your purpose and mission?  

You have a destination, ordained by God and He has designated a pathway, a journey you will take to get there.

You could be sunk by outside forces.

Your boat does not come with the power to move forward. Most people go through life being tossed about with winds of information and social influences. They want to live up to what is popular and acceptable. Their minds fill with doubts, fears, and negativity, driving them back and forth, aimlessly at times. New teachings and thoughts come along and push in a different direction.

Surprisingly, some people do get ahead in this topsy-turvy life. Just as a sailboat tacks into the wind to move forward, you might get ahead in life in spite of the forces against you if work hard enough to overcome them.

However, your soul/ship was made to be propelled by one thing.

The Spirit.

There are many spirits. Biblically, the word “spirit” can mean “wind.” All kinds of spirits will drive you into the rocks of life. Your own emotions and impulses can leave you beached unexpectedly.

There is a sacred wind though. The phrase “Holy Spirit” in the Bible could also be translated as “sacred wind.” When Jesus comes into our lives, He moves in the right direction. Aligning our souls with the Spirit of Life in King Jesus will keep us on course to accomplish our earthly mission and reach our eternal destination.

To wandering vessels adrift in the storms of life, Jesus said, “Come to me and rest.” Are you letting Him move you each day? Just as a ship’s pilot trusts the atlas and compass, do you often reference the Holy Writings, the map for your life?

Are you resting as He guides you to love, give, and serve? Are you letting Him drive you to avoid sin and stand against it for those who follow you?

Or are you still trying hard to get out of your head, to tack and jib against all the doubts and outside expectations that threaten your life sail?

Pause and wait for the Spirit from above—that same Breath that filled the first soul—to catch your sail. Put down your paddle and relax in His presence. Your soul was made for Him and without Him, no career or monetary success will solve that gnawing dissatisfaction you feel.

The Spirit of God is not just an experience but a lifestyle. He will power every conversation, relationship, and agenda you have. No matter your background or experience, look at the New Testament for clarity on what it means to chart your course by the Spirit daily.

What are some ways the Spirit has helped you navigate life? Please share a story or thought with other readers!

We, then, can either speak life with Him or kill people with our words. 

I’ve been shocked at how hard it is for me to casually “speak life.” I’m more fluent in the language of current events, complaints, problems, and distractions. 

Listen to what is said in the news and you will not find much good, uplifting conversation. Life-giving words do not flow freely in modern society, it seems. We have to learn a new language. 

The role of the church is to give life to one another. To help develop a skill in lifting each other up with life-giving words, I came up with a “game.” It’s the kind of game where everyone wins.

Here’s how to play. First, everyone has to understand that there are four key areas each human develops. Jesus referred to our heart, soul, mind, and strength (body). You can find good things to say about each person in your local church on one or all of these elements.

Put everyone’s names in a hat (or bowl) and have another hat with the words “spiritual,” “soul,” “mind,” and “body” on individual pieces of paper multiple times (more pieces than there are people in the group). You will find it less awkward if you have men’s circles and women’s circles.

Each person draws a name and then a category.

If you have a really small group of 4 or less, you can each draw names and do your best to speak to that person’s qualities in each of those four categories.

They then speak to that quality in the randomly chosen person. For example, looking at the named individual, one might say, “You have strong spiritual sensitivity. I love how you pray with people who are hurting.” For the soul, one should speak to the person’s goals, desires, and personality, like so: “You have such a sense of adventure and inspire us to take on challenges many of us would never attempt without your encouragement.” For mind, one might say, “Thank you for taking the time to learn so much about organizing teams like you do—it really helps us all find our place.” For body, one could say, “Thank you for staying after the event Friday to move chairs and putting your muscles to work so some of us didn’t hurt ourselves.”

The person who is addressed simply responds with a meaningful “Thank you.” 

Everyone wins in this game because when you “give life” you come alive yourself! The first time we did it, we didn’t want to stop. It should become more than a game, but a natural thing we do to build one another up often.

Pray before the game that the right things will be spoken that each person needs to hear and confirm what the Spirit is saying to the church. I’d love to hear back from you how this goes and other ways you learn to give life back to one another.

Jesus has been teaching me about giving life (rather than being a life-suck to others).

Suddenly, I had to ask myself the question, “Am I cannibal?” Perhaps I have been living off others for years and didn’t realize it.

If you know me at all, you know I try to “give life” to others as much as possible. I have written, preached, and counseled to encourage and uplift thousands of people.

Yet I felt drained.

I found the problem: I was doing it for the wrong reason. Not always, but too often this was the case.

I would “give life” to my wife or children not realizing that I was expecting something in return such as respect, appreciation, or at least a rewarding smile.

Doesn’t everyone want their good works to be appreciated?

And that’s why most of us burn out.

I realized that as long as I kept giving to and serving others I was going to feel drained and used until I began doing those things from the right place in my heart.

It might be easy to get a teen to mow someone’s lawn if they are looking forward to the $50 afterward. But how do you get people to do good things expecting nothing in return?

Compassion.

Jesus wasn’t moved to do good things in hopes He would get more followers. Compassion moved Him to do things with no strings attached. You’re welcome. Thank you for thanking me, enjoy your life.

Shouldn’t He have made people sign a contract that if He did a miracle for them they would be loyal followers contributing monthly to His ministry?

One day thousands of people walked away. Jesus didn’t give up or call it failure. He wasn’t doing what He did because of a endgame.

Doing one thing so that someone does something in return could be called manipulation.

It isn’t compassion that drains you but your dashed expectations when you don’t see people respond as you hoped. Selfish manipulation is a cruel master of those using it and those abused by it. But it can look so religious and holy we don’t realize we are sucking life out of others.

I opened up my kitchen one day to give a needy person anything she wanted for her and her children. She turned down what we offered and asked for a couple of brand-specific, food items she liked. I was crushed and resentful. My family was struggling at the time and were still willing to give what we had.

Why did her reaction bother me? Because without realizing it, I was giving for me, not her. Perhaps by helping out a poor, single mother, I would feel like a kind generous person. My actions would be appreciated and I would feel honored. 

I thought I was doing that as unto the Lord. My feelings afterward revealed differently.

I think most of us tend to do everything we do, even charitable acts, for some result.

The married person gives and serves a spouse in hopes of making withdrawals on that investment later. Does a parent buy a child a bicycle or a car in hopes that the grown child won’t put the parent in a nursing home someday? I know that is extreme, but listen to parents of wayward children talk and you hear, “We did everything we could and I just can’t believe he/she would treat us like this.”

The dad in me wants to say, “After the money I spend on electricity and you thank me by leaving the lights on all the time?” Or “I worked hard to get you that food; don’t you dare waste it.” 

What began as an act of compassion (giving, serving, providing) so easily becomes a weapon to later use against those who didn’t ask for your beneficence. 

If you are going to do something noble, then let it go when you are done. Don’t keep asking if they still enjoy it. You gave it. It left you. It’s over.

If you are going to help someone, then do it and be over it. It’s not about you anymore. They might bring up false charges against you someday, but you can be happy that you gave from compassion. You treated Jesus this way and He didn’t whine. He just gave His life for you because of love. What you did in response was your choice.

Stop doing nice things because of how good it makes you feel. You’ll burn out. Just do good because it is right.

Stop being tactical. Giving isn’t a strategy, it’s an export. You do it and move on. 

You surprise your kid with a milkshake because you love her. When she thanks you by accidentally dropping it on the seat of the minivan, you still love that child. That mistake will not limit any further kindness from you. 

When you go on mission trips or donate time at a charity, are you resume building or just there for the photo-op? Do you have joy in just the giving or do you live off the comments, likes, and shares you get in return? 

You can give life or you can give as a form of life-suck. The giving-to-get scenario will leave you hollow.

Think of every person as a bank.

Every relationship is transactional.

Every conversation is a transaction.

Are you depositing or withdrawing?

Do you drop hints for what you want in return for what you deposited? Those like cute comments often take more away from the victim than what you gave.

Do you do good as pay backs for what was done in the past or in hopes that person will meet a need of yours?

Think of it like this: you write checks out of your bank account and it will never go empty because Jesus makes deposit into your account.

This is the kind of giving that never leaves you bankrupt. 

One time I had volunteered to do something to help someone. I had offered because of compassion but then I grew weary in the task. It was not the kind of work I like to do and I could not get it to go right. I was so frustrated I wanted to cry. I felt used and taken advantage of. I was mad at myself for getting into this situation doing something I was not skilled at. I prayed.

When I talked to Jesus about how I felt, He steered me toward just doing this little project for Him, not for any other result. I asked Him to help me and He did. Suddenly the whole thing came together and was over with in an hour or so.

I left that encounter supercharged rather than burned out. I have to keep relearning this in so many aspects of what I do in life. Everything we do should be worship to Him and for no other reason. We are not even to work in a way that impresses our bosses but in a way that pleases our King.

Knowing that nail-scarred hands are clapping for me is all the motivation I need to give, serve, and love others.

Next time, let’s look at some practical ways of developing the skill of giving life and how to do it in a way that awakens Life inside yourself at the same time you give.

They didn’t want to shoot it because the bullet could break wires in the live trap (a cage with a door that snaps shut when the varmint enters). They had more skunks to catch. 

So, a neighbor told them what to do (and I hid in the house while they tried his advice). 

They took an old blanket and walked up to the trap slowly. They eased the blanket over the cage and let it settle for a moment. 

Now, the skunk could not see a target he could spray toward.

They picked up the bundle, set it on the truck, and drove a few miles away. 

Feeling through the blanket, they opened the trap door and then lifted the blanket off.

The skunk saw the opening and hurried away, glad to be free again.

You have skunked people and it is time to let them free.

When you “offend” someone, you take them as in a trap. 

Also, when others offend you, then you become the skunk, trapped by their actions and words.

You can give freedom and get freedom from past traps. 

You don’t have to want to release others; you just have to.

Your health depends on it.

You cannot grew spiritually if you keep hostages. 

The first martyr after Jesus was a man named Stephen.

Some haters pulverized him.

In his dying breaths, Stephen yelled out to Jesus, “Don’t hold this sin against them.”

It took strength to say that.

Something deep lived within him be giving life as he entered death.

Does the Spirit of release live inside you? Or do you want to see the deadbeats pay?

What wrongs have others done to you? Can you still feel it? Do their words still sting?

What about the wrongs you have done to others? Have you confessed your faults with them and prayed together?

Many people live in a trap of depression because they haven’t let others go and haven’t let themselves go free either. It is time to fess up to our own wrongs and release ourselves by admitting them to those we harmed.

Are you taking aim at the souls of those you have trapped? Would you enjoy seeing them destroyed or do you want the joy of seeing them released?

Sure, they might be real skunks, but they need freedom. Give them back their lives. Done correctly, you won’t raise a stink.

In my next post, I think we should address how to give life to others without draining your own.

In a rural area like these Ozark hills, a group of people ran a charitable cause. I think it was an orphanage or homeless shelter or something that you would be proud to be a part of. They were doing it for the right reasons.

The leader of this group was a guy who looked like a brick mason or very muscular construction worker. He seemed very kind and compassionate and his team followed him closely. 

In my dream, a nice vehicle pulled up and a well-dressed man got out. He went up to the building and began talking with the broad-shouldered leader. I soon realized that this man was part of a corporation that financed the charitable work. They were talking about money. The executive dude decided during their conversation that they were going to pull back their funding.

The leader of the charity grew furious. They began arguing. The money man walked across the property back toward his vehicle, announcing that he would be talking to corporate and cut their funding immediately. Suddenly, the executive slipped on the rough terrain and hit his head on a rock.

Seeing the man was unconscious, the leader nearly shouted with happiness. “This is perfect,” he said. By now, other team members of the charity were coming out of the building to see what all the yelling was about. The leader tied up the guy from corporate and tied a long rope to his ankles.

“We have to get rid of him,” he said to his crew. I could tell by the looks on their faces that many of them knew better than to argue with him. Beneath that nice exterior, the big-shouldered charity leader could be cruel and calculating. 

“If he gets back to corporate, they’ll cut our funding,” the man explained. “We can’t let that happen.” I was horrified. 

A young guy on the team tried to argue back. “You can’t just get rid of him! That’s—that’s—we can’t just—”

His boss sneered at him. “We have to. You had better go along with me on this or you’re going in a hole with him.”

I woke up.

Instantly the meaning hit me. 

Even people who live to help others might be willing to dispose of someone who disagreed with them. Even those who live to reach the fallen might rejoice over the fall of the one who wounded their pride. In God’s eyes, destroying another’s reputation or otherwise shredding them is murder. 

As the music plays softly, let us all find a place to pray.

Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.

I John 3:15

One of my sons raises exotic birds. He was talking one day about how a bird does not understand a fence. It can see what it wants and where it wants to go but cannot find a way through a wire fence. It will pace back and forth for hours looking at the destination but not being able to move forward.

I instantly identified with that caged creature.

In some areas of my life, I’ve wanted to move forward. I knew the destination God intended for me and had the goal in clear view. Yet something was keeping me from moving forward.

Was it a fence? It felt like it, but, no, it was offense.

The biblical sense of an “offense” is a trap or a snare.

Snares are often made up of one wire to catch the leg of an animal passing through.

I had an epiphany of several snares, little strands of offense that had woven together and trapped me from getting to where the Lord wanted me to be. I was fenced off by offense—dozens of little things I had not dealt with properly.

To be free, I needed to remove them, one by one.

That began a process of Jesus opening my eyes to places and incidents where people did or said hurtful things. Scenes came to mind I had just ignored or buried. I began to deal with them one by one.

I confronted many of those incidents in prayer. This is simple for anyone to do. You go through the whole scene. Relive the moment and the feelings in the sight of God. Then, pick up all that mess and hand it to Him. He can handle it, not you or I.

For some incidents, you’ll have to confront the person who harmed you. You go to them with the goal of restoring and receiving that person back as a brother or sister in the family of God. Most will jump at the chance to make things right. Some will not realize that they had hurt you.

For a few tough cases, you’ll have to bring along witnesses, if you are intent on restoring the relationship. If they will not admit and confess their sin against you when you talk to them alone, then you have to involve other brothers and sisters who know you and the person. These are character witnesses, but it is even better if the two or three you involve in this process were witnesses to the incident that caused you to stumble.

Some people you will never gain back.

But to be healed of the offenses that have kept you trapped, you have to go through this process of giving them a chance. Only then can you say, “It’s you not me.”

Most offenses live in your head and the people you thought hated you really meant you no harm. You must deal with those in the presence of Jesus, too.

Once you take down the offense barrier strand by strand, you’ll get through to where you were supposed to be all along.

Do you know your calling but you struggle to get there? Take some time to see what offenses might be holding you back.