So here’s the story.

Last Sunday, I was traveling from Asheville to Washington, D.C. As always, I had to connect through Atlanta. Once in Atlanta, something beautiful happened:

• My flight was oversold by TEN!

• They were asking for volunteers to take a later flight.

• Volunteers were given a $400 travel voucher.
  

• I would have a First Class seat on a flight that left three hours later.

• I had AT LEAST three hours worth of prep work to do for my coaching gig the next day.
  

• Whether I did that prep work in an Atlanta airport restaurant or a D.C. hotel restaurant was irrelevant. So…

• I volunteered to give up my seat. $400. First Class. No brainer.

(I’m such an angel.)

The gate agent (let’s call him Sean. I have no idea what his real name is. Nor do I have any idea why I want to call him Sean. I hate the way Sean is spelled. Hmm. But I digress…) told me that I was confirmed on the later flight, first class and 400 travel dollars richer!.

I was happy.

Sean asked me to take a seat until he could accomplish the onerous task of boarding the flight. Once he was not so busy, he would process my new First Class boarding pass and give me my $400 voucher.

Still happy.

Then Bob showed up.

I don’t know if his name was Bob. All I know is that once Bob showed up, everything went to hell.  (And, incidentally, I once dated a guy named Bob. That relationship went to hell. Hence my naming this guy Bob. But again I digress…)

I was standing to the side, watching Bob and Sean. Imagine my horror when Bob asked Sean “What the hell were you thinking?” about asking for so many volunteers. Bob-the-hell-guy said, “We don’t need near this many volunteers. We need to board these people!”

Huh?

My happiness started to take a nose-dive.

$400 – gone.
First Class – gone.
Coaching prep time – gone.

(Isn’t it funny how these things that I had not had 20 minutes earlier were now suddenly “gone”?)

I was annoyed. But still civil. And nice. I even smiled at Sean when I boarded.

Then it happened.

I was informed by a normally-nice-but-I-labeled-as-snarly-in-my-own-projection flight attendant that they were out of room and I could no longer take my bag on. It must be <insert horror movie theme music here: dah, Dah, DAH> CHECKED.

*gasp*

No! Not checked! THE HORROR! I NEVER check my bag. I can’t stand to wait. I don’t want to carry my heavier “personal item” on my shoulder vs strapped to the bag when I deplane. I can’t stand to wait. My computer is in that bag. I can’t stand to wait. I’M A GOLD MEMBER FOR GOSH SAKES!!!!!!!!!!

(Can you hear the entitlement creeping in?)

I was mad.
I tried to deplane.
I was called “ma’am” in THAT flight attendant voice.
The horror.

In my anger, I began to feel the flutters of shame. (Who did I think I was? Why was I so upset? Oh my, I am one of “those” passengers!)

Sean (bless his heart) came down the jetway to me. He fell all over himself trying to apologize for his error, trying to make it right. (”I can give you MILES, Ms. Webb.” Oh god. He called me Ms. Webb.)  As Sean did this, I basically ignored him. I said things like, “Sure.” “Thanks.” “It’s ok.”

I did not say anything mean. Worse. I refused to look Sean in the eye. I barely spoke to him. Ahhh, passive-aggressive-bitchy-princess-self. Hello.

Everything about my energy was me being a jerk.

I got on the plane, settled in, and fumed. What the heck was wrong with me?!

As the jetway pulled away from the plane, I was overwhelmed with guilt. “Oh my gosh,” I thought. “I was such a jerk. What was I thinking? It’s a BAG for goodness sake.” I had an overwhelming desire to get off the plane, run to Sean and fall all over myself apologizing to him.

But he was gone.

All he has of me is the memory of a woman he tried to help who responded by treating him like crap.

Can you relate? Oh, please tell me there is a time in your life that you did something, anything, that makes you able to relate with my story.

Maybe it was Mercury in retrograde.
Maybe it was lack of food after a 6.2 mile run.
Maybe it was lack of sleep.
Maybe it was hormones.

Maybe it was my Entitled Self trying to tell me something about me.

Whatever it was, I decided that feeling guilty and beating myself up was not helpful. Sean was gone. All I had to deal with was me. And I was already upset about treating someone poorly. Why should I continue the poor treatment toward myself?

It took awhile for my emotions to calm down (both the anger and the guilt). And when they did, I began to employ one of my favorite words: CURIOSITY.

I began to get curious about why I had gotten so upset. Why did I feel so entitled? What had happened to the laid back part of me that usually serves me so well in travel snafus?

Because I took the time to be curious and kind to myself, I did get some answers to these questions. And though the entire incident was not my best moment, I am grateful for the lessons.

When entitled self shows up again, I’ll recognize her more easily. And in recognizing her, I’ll be able to offer her care from my Authentic Self, before she hijacks my bus and takes over.

‘Cuz she’s not a very good driver.

So, despite the title of this article, I’m not really a jerk. I made some poor choices, and I learned something from them. And I decided to share my experience in the hopes that you, too, can approach yourself with curiosity and kindness in moments that you act poorly.

Maybe, just maybe, you’ll learn something about a part of you, and learn to love a part of you.

~~~Thoughts~~~

When have you acted in a way the you were later ashamed of?

How did you treat yourself?

Think of a part of you that you feel negatively toward. What if you were to treat that part with curiosity? Try to get to know that part…

• What motivates her?
  

• What is her role in your life?
  

• What is she trying to protect?

• What does she want to tell you?

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You know what I mean. You are talking to someone, one on one or in a group, stranger or acquaintance, by choice or forced.

And the conversation is awful.

Totally one-sided. Or frighteningly negative. Or you’re getting advice you did not ask for. Or being totally offended.

What you really want to do is tell the person what a horrible human being they are, how their relational skills are below those of an elephant, and then throw your wine on them and run screaming from the room.

Unfortunately, doing those things make you no better than the person you are offended by.

So what do you do?

A couple of months ago I had such an encounter. I was traveling for work and was meeting a person I had never met before. We met after work to get to know each other – you know, networking.

In the course of this meeting, I was told a) why what I was doing was a ridiculous idea, b) how many hundreds of others are doing the same thing, c) what I needed to do instead, and d) got the chance to speak about 1% of the time.

It. Was. Awful.

As I sat stewing in anger, extreme annoyance and indignation, I recalled words I had recently read: “We are always at choice.” Always.

“Ah, crap,” I thought. “Here I am, yet again, accountable for my own life.”

I was choosing to sit and receive what was being given.
I was choosing to have annoyed thoughts about it.
I was choosing to be in the negative energy that was there.

So what other choices did I have? (I did have the choice to tell them off, throw wine and run screaming away. But that might just backfire. And, it’s not who I want to be. Though it might have been fun.) I digress…

Here are four alternative choices you can make when dealing with difficult people.

1.  See the Innocence

I adore this term. It is so easy for us to judge others and to unconsciously (or even consciously) assume negative intent. What if, instead, you looked at others with the perspective of “seeing their innocence”? Instead of judging them, assume the best about their intent. Try it. It’s amazing how it can shift your perspective.

2.  Engage, Pursue, Love

When we are being offended by another, most of us have one of two natural reactions: fight or flight. We either fight by engaging in argumentative dialogue, or we take flight by retreating into ourselves and seething in silence.

Try this instead: Let go of wanting or needing anything from the conversation. Instead, pursue what they are talking about. Ask questions. People love to talk about themselves. Give them that gift. You might be surprised what you can learn. Which leads to #3…

3.  Ask Yourself What They Can Teach You

If you are interested in being the best You you can become, then it is important to consider everyone on our journey as a potential teacher. The final quote of the movie Eat, Pray, Love sums up this idea beautifully:

“If you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on [your] journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld from you.”

So, you are in a situation with a difficult person. What are they there to teach you about you?

You can ask yourself why you are so offended. What part of you is activated and what is that part trying to protect? How can this difficult situation help you to grow to be more of the person you really want to be?

4.  Walk Away, Kindly

Finally, if all else fails, you are at choice to walk away. In kindness. No one is keeping you there. If you can’t figure out how to get out of the situation, let that be more information for your own growth. What can you learn to be able to set your boundary more solidly in the future?

Above all else, when dealing with difficult people, remember that you are always at choice in both your attitude and your actions.

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Are you like me in anticipating fall?
Do you count down the days until September 1 (my official first day of fall).
Can you hardly wait for summer to end?

Anyone who knows me even a little knows how much I dislike summer and its heat, sweat, spiders, mosquitoes, humidity and silly activities like picnics and swimming pools.

Don’t I sound like quite the cynic?

OK, it’s not that bad. And, I am well aware that having summer as my least favorite season puts me in the VAST minority of people!! But something odd happened last week…

Background

As my husband and I were running, we came upon a tree that had just started changing its colors (so we thought. Turns out the tree was likely dying, hence the change. But that’s not my point. We thought it was changing colors.) Also, a cooling rain fell which created a feeling in the air that was most definitively fall. As one who has been counting down the days until fall, wouldn’t you think these events would have been most welcome??

Instead, I had the thought, “No, it’s too soon for fall to be here!”

WHAT!??!

I wondered who had hijacked my brain and what had she done with the real me. I would never have a thought like that!

But I had. So I got curious (my new favorite word). Why in the world would I have a thought that made me want to keep summer around?

Then it dawned on me: Anticipation.

Anticipation

I realized that the anticipation of fall is almost as powerful as the actual experience of fall. I love all things fall: oranges, reds and yellows; pumpkin scones and apple cider; a cool nip in the air and the absence of mosquitoes;  apple-squash soup and cinnamon candles; blustery winds and fleece jackets; great swaths of mountainous color and fires; the scurry of life gathering for the impending winter; pumpkins; harvest; Thanksgiving. Ahhh, fall.

As I think about these fall-ish things, I love how they make me feel. And when I actually experience these fall things, I also love how they make me feel. But the experience of fall brings with it its own anticipation:

Thinking about fall-ish things in summer creates a beautiful anticipation of things to come.
Experiencing fall-ish things in the fall also brings with it the anticipation of fall giving way to winter.

One brings gain.
The other brings loss.

It’s a subtle difference. And while I most definitely want to experience the reality of fall, I also realize that I want to fully live into and enjoy the anticipation of fall that only comes with summer. I can live in the now of summer with sweet anticipation just under the surface.

And to do that, I must appreciate all that summer brings, in the now. So, without further adieu, here are the things I love like about the season I am in now!

Ten Things I Like About Summer:

1. First and foremost, it is the season that allows the anticipation of fall to live loudly in my soul.
2. Packing for trips is so. much. easier.
3. Dinner can occur in lovely daylight instead of darkness.
4. Getting up at 3am to go to the bathroom doesn’t involve the shock of an ice-cold toilet seat.
5. The lulling loveliness of a fan’s white noise.
6. Flip flops.
7. Not having any icy roads to worry about.
8. Thunderstorms.
9. The fabulous opportunity to practice getting over my fear of turbulence (see #8).
10. White wine.

Those things I listed there? All true.
And.
Bring on fall!

~~~Thoughts~~~

What are you anticipating?
How can you live in the joy of the anticipation, before the thing actually arrives?
What prevents you from living in the now?

Until next time, may you love your life today.

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Today’s Category: Self Care

(If you’re new to this challenge, take a look at the intro video explaining the concept.
You can get more details on how to participate.
And click here for the daily categories.)

Self care is not a luxury.

I believe many people consider self care a luxury. But I believe self care must be a priority.

I believe this discrepancy is caused by some societal myth that true self care is indulgent, lazy, selfish.

And we sure don’t want to be called selfish.

In actuality, self care is anything but selfish. The reason we think it is selfish is because self care (supposedly) takes us away from our job/friend/spouse/kids/parents/volunteering/shopping/laundry/painting the bathroom. And if we focus on self care, then our jobs/friends/spouses/kids/parents/organizations/kitchens/closets/toilets will suffer. And lord knows we can’t allow people/things around us to suffer.

Here’s the truth. (Well, the truth according to Dani.)

We cannot effectively love those around us, care for our families, or support our communities if we do not first take care of ourselves.

Period.

If you want to best serve all the areas of your life that you love to serve, you must first care for your self. If you do not, you will either a) live into all areas of your life in a mediocre way or b) burn out and fall apart.

There is another option. Fill your tanks. Rest. Eat well. Get massages. Say no. Go for a walk. Hire a babysitter. Read a book, even on a Tuesday. Whatever self care is for you – do it. Build it into your day, your week, your life.

One of the best-known quotes from the Bible is “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Much focus is given to the first part of this command. We hear a LOT about loving our neighbors, as well we should.

But the second part of that quote is often lost. And it is key to the command. Loving your neighbor is conditional on loving  yourself first.

If you want to love your neighbor well, you must first love yourself.

I mean, God said so.

Until next time, may you love your life today.

___________________________________________________________
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Absolutely!  Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Dani Fake Webb is a coach, retreat facilitator, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Destination: Life!, a company dedicated to helping people discover their passion, live their purpose, and love their life.  If you want to learn more about living a fulfilled, purposeful life, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to the Destination: Life! E-Zine. Just click here: http://danifakewebb.com/newsletter. Or, contact Dani directly at info@danifakewebb.com.

___________________________________________________________

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Today’s Category: Role of the Unconscious

(If you’re new to this challenge, take a look at the intro video explaining the concept.
You can get more details on how to participate.
And click here for the daily categories.)

Making the Unconscious Conscious

The presence and role of the unconscious has been a fascinating topic to me since my first high school psychology class. It is captivating to me to think that something we are so unaware of can have such a profound impact on our behaviors!

• I believe the unconscious is absolutely and completely real.
• I believe the role of the unconscious is to hold emotion, pain and ways of being that are too painful for our conscious selves to bear or too threatening to our existence in society as we know it.
• And, I believe that in order to fully live the lives we are meant to live, it is imperative to make the unconscious conscious.

I smile at the incredible paradox as I write that last sentence. I mean, how can you make the unconscious conscious? It is, by its very definition, unconscious!

Seven tips on how to live into the paradox

Following are tools to help you befriend your unconscious and listen to the gems of wisdom it has for you and your life.

1. Be Here Now: Practice Presence

Most of us, when we go through our days, tend to live in the future or in the past. We are thinking about what might happen, or what we need to do, or replaying that conversation from last week. Our minds are frequently occupied with anything but the present moment.

But the present moment can be a pathway to messages your unconscious is sending. Try this: Set an alarm at various intervals throughout the day. When it goes off, stop whatever you are doing and get in the present moment. Where are you? What is going on? What thoughts are you having? What are you feeling? Pay attention to your body. What do you notice?

(As I finished that paragraph, I got present. I am on an airplane as I write, and I became aware that I have a low-level anxiety occurring right now. I interpret this to be a message from my unconscious to relax. I am aware that I am in need of some self-care in my life right now, and by being present, I am keenly aware of this need in this moment. Cool.)

2. Play the Game of Free Association

You know this game. The one where someone says something and you say the very first thing that comes to your mind. Try it now….I’m going to type a word. When you read it, say the very first thing you think of. Ready?
“Wine.”
What did you think? It may or may not give you some insight to your unconscious and its messages. You don’t need to read too much into it. I believe your conscious mind will know when the free association hits home and has a message for you. Let’s try it again.
“Dogs.” (Isn’t this fun?)

3. Tune into Your Day Dreams

Do you ever allow yourself to daydream? When you do, start paying attention to the themes. When you have total freedom to dream, what do you notice?

My daydreams always have an element of having my student loans paid off. No matter what the topic of my daydream, the student loan freedom is almost always there! What a gift from my unconscious! That realization has caused me to move those loans to the top of my financial priority list!

4. Listen to Your Night Dreams

I am by no means a dream analyst. However, I do allow my night dreams to speak to me. For example, I have a recurring dream about a tidal wave threatening to overtake my beachfront condo. It takes many different forms in terms of location, people present, and level of threat, but the theme is always the same – I must save myself before total annihilation.

I interpret this dream to be about security. Many areas of my life have been hit with insecurity: childhood situations; job situations; relationships; finances. Whenever I have this dream, I am able to pay attention to where in my life I feel insecure. It is a gift.

Whether I am right in my interpretation or not is beside the point. The idea is that I believe dreams take place to tell us something. They are vehicles for our unconscious to deliver priceless messages to us.

5. Examine Your Habits and Routines

Do you always sit in the same area of the movie theater? Do you have to begin every run at the exact same telephone pole? Do you have to have your nightly chocolate bite even if you don’t really want it?

Habits and routines can give us clues to our unconscious process. Of course, there may be 47 other reasons why we have the habits and routines that we do. But, if you pay attention, you may find that some of the motivation behind those habits are indeed messages from your unconscious.

Example: I have a habit of glancing ahead a page or two when a stressful situation comes up in a book I am reading. If I examine why I do this, I think it is because I want to know that everything is OK. The child is safe, the car avoided the train, the sexy man did finally kiss the heroin. This may mean that the unknown is unacceptable to me. I can control that in books, but not so much in real life. So, what a great message from my unconscious for me to have. In a world where much is unknown, awareness of my low level of tolerance can, paradoxically, help me tolerate it!

6. Take a Good Look at Your Feelings Toward Others

Do certain people just irk you? Are you envious of others? Does the behavior of the guy at the next table make you angry?

Oh, these feelings are gems of information from your unconscious!! Part of human psychology is that people we judge, hate, gossip about or dismiss are mirrors of things about ourselves that we do not like. It is the unconscious mind that sends the message to our conscious minds to judge, hate, gossip about or dismiss. And it’s not because our unconscious minds want to do those things. Rather, our unconscious is sending a message to the conscious mind that we have those very traits we hate. It is an opportunity to address ourselves so that we may better love others.

Same is true when we feel envious or jealous of another. There is something about that other person that, at our core, we desire for ourselves. What a beautiful message that we can use to help guide our lives.

7. Explore Any Anxiety and/or Depression

Making the unconscious conscious is about getting to know ourselves better. While depression and anxiety may be conditions that you need to have treated, I believe that the presence of either can be a way our unconscious is trying to communicate with us.

I know that in my own life, when I feel depression creeping in or have a particularly anxious day, I try to stop and really listen to what is going on inside of me (see #1 above). And, almost every time I discover something that I have been ignoring – something my unconscious is trying to tell me.

To wrap it up, I believe that life is a journey of hearing from your Authentic Self about the life you were created to live.  Your unconscious, as your protector, holds beautiful nuggets of wisdom about that life.

What do you believe about the role of the unconscious?

Until next time, may you love your life today.

___________________________________________________________
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Absolutely!  Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Dani Fake Webb is a coach, retreat facilitator, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Destination: Life!, a company dedicated to helping people discover their passion, live their purpose, and love their life.  If you want to learn more about living a fulfilled, purposeful life, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to the Destination: Life! E-Zine. Just click here: http://danifakewebb.com/newsletter. Or, contact Dani directly at info@danifakewebb.com.

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Today’s Category: Politics

(If you’re new to this challenge, take a look at the intro video explaining the concept.
You can get more details on how to participate.
And click here for the daily categories.)

Politics

I hope this won’t be seen as terse or crass (yes, I care about what others think of me!) But my take on politics is simple.

1. I believe some people are created to be deeply passionate about politics.
2. I believe some people could care less about it.
3. I believe the first category exists so that the second category can exist.

Too simple?

Well, here’s the deal. I HATE politics. It so often seems to not be in alignment with love. But, I do believe that politics are necessary. It is how our country runs. It is how our country is able to remain in balance and not become a dictatorship. I believe the balance of power our political system offers, even with corruption and deceit, is one of the best systems for treating people fairly.

It is FAR from perfect. But no system in the world comes close to perfect. Whether you call it  – evil, a fallen world, human nature – we humans are not capable of a perfect system.

So, the political system is what it is.

And I am thankful that because of it, I live in a country where I can be in the 2nd group listed above. I am thankful for the people in the 1st group above. Because without them, I wouldn’t be able to be in the 2nd group.

Until next time, may you love your life today.

___________________________________________________________
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Absolutely!  Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Dani Fake Webb is a coach, retreat facilitator, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Destination: Life!, a company dedicated to helping people discover their passion, live their purpose, and love their life.  If you want to learn more about living a fulfilled, purposeful life, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to the Destination: Life! E-Zine. Just click here: http://danifakewebb.com/newsletter. Or, contact Dani directly at info@danifakewebb.com.

___________________________________________________________

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Today’s Category: Others’ Opinion of You

(If you’re new to this challenge, take a look at the intro video explaining the concept.
You can get more details on how to participate.
And click here for the daily categories.)

What it means to be human

I believe a significant part of human nature is the need to be accepted.
I believe a large part of what it means to be human is to be in community.
I believe in the most primitive part of our being lives a fear of being totally alone.

Each of these things contributes to the deep need we have to seek the approval of others. And I do not think this is necessarily a bad thing. I mean, of course we want to be accepted by others. Of course we want to be in community. Of course we do not want to live life totally alone.

I also believe that attempting to control others’ opinions of us drives our behavior. We will often say something we don’t really mean, or not say something we really want to, or choose any number of behaviors in an attempt to control the way others see us.

The issue is not in our need to be accepted. I think it is a core part of human nature to care about the opinions that others hold of us.

The issue, rather, is in whose opinions are driving our behavior.

The absolute first step as you consider this question is to know what YOU believe. If there were no possibility of judgment from anyone, what do you want? What would you do? How would you act? Where would you live? On what would you spend your money? Who would your friends be?

You must listen to your Authentic Self and let her inform the life you are meant to live.

Then, once that is clear (no small feat), you can start to pay attention to what stops you from living that life. Likely, you will find that at least part of what holds you back is what others think of you.

It is at this point you have a choice to make. You can continue to live your life for those “others” who are in the way of the life you really want (the path of least resistance). Or, you can find more “others” who will support the life you want to live.

Note: I did not say you have to get rid of all “others” in your life who are preventing you from living the life you want. (Though sometimes that is necessary). There can be great value in growing a relationship by stepping up to what you really want. Doing so requires the other person to respond to your new way of being in the relationship, and this has the potential to be a fabulous thing for the relationship.

Now, some will say, “Who cares what others think! Live YOUR life!” And yes, there is a lot of truth in that. However, I believe it is important to acknowledge that it is important to us what other people think. But, (and this is critical) if what others think is in conflict with the life you are meant to live, you need to find other others who will support your Authentic Self.

Let me encourage you to read that again.

Here’s my bottom line.

First and foremost we need to totally let go of what others think while we listen to the voice inside of us that knows the life we are meant to live.

~AND~

We must acknowledge that what others think of us is important. I believe it is silly to think we can ever really not care about that.

~AND~

We need to find the right “others.” Others who will support and encourage.

If you find you are not living the life you are meant to live because you are concerned about what others will think of you, then you have not found the right others.

Keep looking. Get clear, and they will come.

Until next time, may you love your life today.

___________________________________________________________
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Absolutely!  Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Dani Fake Webb is a coach, retreat facilitator, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Destination: Life!, a company dedicated to helping people discover their passion, live their purpose, and love their life.  If you want to learn more about living a fulfilled, purposeful life, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to the Destination: Life! E-Zine. Just click here: http://danifakewebb.com/newsletter. Or, contact Dani directly at info@danifakewebb.com.

___________________________________________________________

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Today’s Category: Nutrition

(If you’re new to this challenge, take a look at the intro video explaining the concept.
You can get more details on how to participate.
And click here for the daily categories.)

Nutrition Saved My Life

I never gave much thought to what I ate. I was one of the “lucky” ones who never seemed to gain weight no matter what I ate. Therefore, I ate what tasted good…I ate whatever was convenient…I ate because I had to.

Then depression found me.

A few years ago, my outside world fell apart: I faced a horrible accusation and judgment from my community; I was involved in a legal nightmare; a close friend was killed; I got married and moved to a place where I knew no one; I was under tremendous financial strain from the inability to sell our Seattle home; I nearly lost my father (the list goes on and on…but I’ll stop there.)

In those years, I became keenly aware of what it means to live in survival mode.
Though I did not have a nervous breakdown, I became keenly aware of what it might feel like.
Though I was not suicidal, I became keenly aware of why someone might commit such an act.

I was very resistant to anti-depressant medication (but just for me. I am very supportive of them for other people. Go figure.). My husband and friends continued to encourage me to do something about the dark hole I was in. When the pressure from those who loved me to take meds became too strong, I fought for an alternative.

My reasoning was this: Anti-depressants work because they alter the chemistry of your brain. What if I could use nutrition to alter my brain chemistry? It was worth a shot.

I went to the library and checked out three books on nutrition and depression. I read each book, taking copious notes. From this, I created a nutritional plan for myself, and learned more than I ever wanted to know! (NOTE: this list is from what I wrote in my notes. It is NOT meant to be a guide for you…unless you add your own research and apply it to your own situation!)

• Increase the mood vitamins (B, Omega-3, SAM-E, St. John’s Wort).
• Decrease simple carbs (nothing white was a good rule of thumb).
• Serotonin, Dopamine, Noradrenaline, Glutamine, GABA & Endorphins all play a role in mood.
• Stress depletes B6, which produces serotonin. Avocados, baked potatoes, bananas, chick peas and yellowfin tuna can help replace B6.
• B12 helps form GABA, and can be found in clams, milk, salmon, yougurt and sardines.
• Folic acid helps make dopamine, and is in asparagus, chick peas, lentils, oatmeal and OJ.
• Stress depletes magnesium, which stimulates GABA production, which helps make dopamine. Find magnesium in almonds, spinach, sunflower seeds, tofu and wild rice.
• Vitamin C boosts the immune system and helps fight brain cell damage from exposure to cortisol. Broccoli, brussel sprouts, OJ, red and green peppers, and strawberries are all good sources of it.

From all this research, I intentionally started paying attention to my diet. I made a list of the foods that I had learned could impact my mood, and worked to eat to feel good. Eating became my survival.

What follows in this post is the list of foods that I worked to incorporate into my diet. For three months, I ate nothing that was not on this list. And, for the first time in years, I began to move out of survival mode and into living mode.

Today, I am not as disciplined to only eat from this list. And, not surprisingly, the further I wander from it, the worse I feel. I have learned to listen to my body and know that when I feel down, anxious, stressed or “unstable, ” it is time to take a look at my nutrition. More often than not I will discover that my diet has migrated to include more sugar, more fat, more simple carbs. These are bad for my mental health! So I adjust…and feel a deep sense of gratitude for how nutrition can keep me healthy, not just in body, but in mind. Thank god for good nutrition.

Dani’s “Get Un-Depressed” Food List

• Seeds: Flax, pumpkin, sunflower, sesame
• Nuts: Walnuts, almonds, cashews, pecans, peanuts
• Protein: Fish, soy, turkey, yellow fin tuna, salmon, sardines
• Root Vegetables: Onion, carrot, sweet potato, potato, pumpkin
• Vegetables: Spinach, anything green, especially dark green and leafy, red or yellow, asparagus, broccoli
• Omega-3: Walnuts, pumpkin seeds, flax-fed chicken eggs, kidney beans, flax seeds
• Healthy fat: Avocado, olive oil
• Grains: Brown rice, quinoa, oatmeal, whole grain bread/pasta, barley
• Beans/legumes: Black beans, pinto beans, lentils, soybeans, fava beans, chick peas, kidney beans, lima beans, split peas
• Other nutrient rich food: garlic, OJ, citrus, berries (especially blueberries and strawberries), bananas, yogurt, milk, cheese, eggs, mushrooms

Until next time, may you love your life today.

___________________________________________________________
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Absolutely!  Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Dani Fake Webb is a coach, retreat facilitator, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Destination: Life!, a company dedicated to helping people discover their passion, live their purpose, and love their life.  If you want to learn more about living a fulfilled, purposeful life, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to the Destination: Life! E-Zine. Just click here: http://danifakewebb.com/newsletter. Or, contact Dani directly at info@danifakewebb.com.

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Today’s Category: Money

(If you’re new to this challenge, take a look at the intro video explaining the concept.
You can get more details on how to participate.
And click here for the daily categories.)

Money. Money. Money. (It’s a rich man’s world…)

Sorry. Went a little ABBA on you there. But, money. Don’t you wish you just had a ton of it? Doesn’t it seem like life would be so much easier if you just had more money? Don’t the wealthy seem so much happier?

And then there is the opinion that “money can’t buy you happiness.”

I believe both sentiments are true. Money can make things easier, but it won’t bring you happiness.

I admit that I wish I had more money. I do believe that some things would indeed be easier if I had more money. I know I’d feel more freedom if my student loans and house were paid off.

But here is what else I believe about money: since you don’t have more of it than you do, it is a waste of a precious “happiness opportunity” to constantly worry about it, wonder how you will get more, or feel a lack in life because it’s not there. Instead,

• Live your life as if you are OK in each moment (because you are).
• Consider adding gratitude to your bill-paying routine (thank goodness this check buys me heat and lights!).
• Wallow in the riches you have in your life (the skirt you love, the relationships you’ve built, the bed you relax into every night).
• Be hopeful about the possibility to live a life you love – a possibility that exists every day, with or without money.

Bottom line for me is this: I want more money. No doubt. And I am keenly aware I will still be the same person with or without money. So money cannot be my linchpin in life. Let me lead with love and with purpose. And let money follow as it may.

Until next time, may you love your life today.

___________________________________________________________
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Absolutely!  Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Dani Fake Webb is a coach, retreat facilitator, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Destination: Life!, a company dedicated to helping people discover their passion, live their purpose, and love their life.  If you want to learn more about living a fulfilled, purposeful life, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to the Destination: Life! E-Zine. Just click here: http://danifakewebb.com/newsletter. Or, contact Dani directly at info@danifakewebb.com.

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Today’s Category: Luck

(If you’re new to this challenge, take a look at the intro video explaining the concept.
You can get more details on how to participate.
And click here for the daily categories.)

Luck.

Until recently, I never thought much at all about luck. If you had pressed me to say what I believed about it, I probably would have said it was some mysterious force in the universe that randomly “attacked” wherever and whomever it felt like.

However, my friend Susan Hyatt has been the biggest influence in reshaping my thoughts on luck.

I now believe that people we think are “lucky” are actually people who have learned to take on life with a perspective that creates luck. Thought patterns, willingness to deal with repressed emotions, a positive outlook, gratitude….these things seem to be the common elements possessed by lucky people.

I believe that circumstances do not influence luck. Think about it. The person who wins the lottery often has a life that falls apart, relationships that crumble, and ends up in greater financial ruin than before. Lucky? I think not. And then there are the people who have lost their house, broken their leg or have absolutely nothing at all. Yet they are happy, positive, grateful and at peace. Lucky? To live a peaceful, thankful, positive life? I think so.

On a personal note…

I remember a little girl I met in Mexico. I had gone there with a group to help build an orphanage. I was overwhelmed with sadness at the level of poverty I saw as I walked through a housing village. Tents, literally. Kids with torn clothes and without shoes. Emaciated dogs.

And yet the peace I felt there was unlike anything I had experienced in the states. A group of children ran by, laughing and playing and sneaking up on us. They were fascinated by the foreign visitors to their world. One girl in particular (I never got her name) took a liking to me. She held my hand as we walked. She looked at me with shining eyes and the most beautiful bright smile.

And as we parted ways on our final day, she pulled me aside and said, “Regalo. Regalo!” (Which means “gift” in Spanish.) As she said the word, she handed me a light blue hair band. It was something of hers. A gift from a little girl who has next to nothing in this world, given in generosity and gratitude. Is she lucky? Oh, yes. With that outlook on life, oh yes yes yes!

Was I lucky? In that moment, I was the luckiest woman in the world.

How about you? How will you create luck in your life? (If this idea appeals to you, visit Susan Hyatt’s website for more info on her upcoming book, Create Your Own Luck.)

Until next time, may you love (and create luck in) your life today.

___________________________________________________________
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEB SITE?

Absolutely!  Just be sure to include this complete blurb with it:

Dani Fake Webb is a coach, retreat facilitator, speaker, and writer. She is also the founder of Destination: Life!, a company dedicated to helping people discover their passion, live their purpose, and love their life.  If you want to learn more about living a fulfilled, purposeful life, you can sign up for a FRE*E subscription to the Destination: Life! E-Zine. Just click here: http://danifakewebb.com/newsletter. Or, contact Dani directly at info@danifakewebb.com.

___________________________________________________________

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