Dans World of Cricket

The World Cup's Forgotten Hero

2014-06-12T00:21:00.000+01:00

The World Cup is here. I love the World Cup. It means you don't have to look around for something to watch - football is always on. It also means you can enter into heated debates on the merits of James Milner (the white Trevor Sinclair) and also speak knowledgeably about why you know more than veteran football manager Roy Hodgson (get your christmas tree out!).

Another reason to love it is the plethora of programs that show up ranking goals, teams and players in order of merit on channels like BBC3 and ITV4. The only problem is that one man, one legend is horrendously underexposed.

The year was 1986, the place was Mexico. Brazil were fancied to win but Maradona showed up and won the cup for Argentina with a mixture of skill and cheating. It was the first world cup I remember (I was 7) but I only have fleeting memories. They are

1. Gary Lineker scored a lot of goals
2. Maradona cheated
3. Maradona was awesome
4. Josimar!!!!!!!

Who???????

Bloody Josimar is who. He scored not one but two of my favourite goals ever and he did it in the same world cup. Not only that, they were his first international goals AND they were in his first two international matches. Imagine if you will John Flanagan getting a late call up and doing this-

Not content with doing that on debut he then did this

So there you go. Piss off Pele. Run away Ronaldo. Move on Maradon. The king of the world cup is Josimar!!!!

England's Tour of Australia: Pick the Bones Out of That

2014-01-17T20:32:00.001+00:00

I had today off work. Not specifically to watch the cricket, that was just a lucky coincidence. When I got up and Australia were struggling a bit at about 140 for 5. England had already scored 300 (not bad I thought but they would have needed about 350 to win the other day). At the crease for Australia were Brad "spoiler of a decent start" Haddin and some guy was seemingly called himself The Big Show. You can say what you like about him but he takes a bad photo.

He didn't look like this batting in a helmet

Anyway, I had seen this many times before this winter, a decent start which generally Haddin and whoever was with him (Johnson, Smith, Blind Jack) ~~almost~~ without fail pulled it round and the Aussies got tons so I was still fully confident we would lose. An hour later with them still needing 60 and 9 wickets down SURELY this was our chance. Nope. Some chap called Faulkner batted like a god and swatted our length bowling to all parts (well strictly speaking he swatted it between midwicket and long on). Even needing 30 of 15 balls and with just Clint McKay for support we threw it away so comprehensively that they could probably have chased another 10 or 15 in the end. If the match was a donkey race here is how it went - you'll have to figure out for yourself which donkey is England.

As a match it summed up the tour pretty well. The top order failed apart from Bell - at least Root had the decency to get out a bit quicker today. Only Bell batted OK and as usual he didn't go on to get a big score. It was left to the people who aren't good enough to get in the test team (Morgan and Buttler) to show how it is done. Morgan was awesome it has to be said but we need to get some sort of decent platform for him so that he can actually get us to a winning score rather than than the ponderous wicket-full ones we are getting currently and allow us to get to par at best - if it all goes to plan for the last 15 overs.

The main worry is the bowling (or lack of it). Without Broad the ranking officer on duty is Tim "The Butcher" Bresnan. He is an OK bowler but won't be sending chills down the spine of any opposition batsmen. Jordan looks OK so i'd stick with him. In the tests Stokes looked good and is undoubtedly one for the future but the last over he bowled today beggared belief. If you go to the Hawkeye page on Cricinfo and look at where he bowled you could make an argument that Faulkner batted badly to only hit two for 6. All six deliveries were there for the taking. Fair enough if he's trying to bowl yorkers and can't do it but surely he should take less than 6 balls to figure that out and mix it up a bit. Plus the short boundary was that way and he was bowling straight. Whats wrong with throwing them outside off and making the batter do something he isn't necessarily as good at.

Here's another thing. Why doesn't Ravi Bopara bowl more. He's always economical, he mixes it up well and he gets wickets. Plus, where's the spinner? Root has bowled and he's got wickets and been cheapish (it's all relative). Surely a proper spinner (if we have one though I see Parry is in the provisional World Cup T20 squad so maybe not) would be able to keep it to 5 an over.

I'm not normally this bothered about one day cricket but I think it had pushed me over the edge after spending the last 2 months watching us lose at what we are, in theory at least, best at.

The Ashes were horrible. It was like watching a much loved family pet get ill, spend a while stumbling around around this house throwing up and shitting everywhere before crawling into the back garden to die under a tree.

Here's what was bad about it

1. Batting. Everyone except possibly Stokes was crap though he only averaged 35 so he would have only been 7th in the Aussie averages and I don't think they batted all that well. We also seemed to be without a plan. How often did you see one of our players out for 5 off about 40 balls. The Aussies were always looking to score at 3 or 4 an over. We were sometimes lucky to reach 2. The tail struggled with Johnson as he repeatedly blew them away for peanuts. The top order were more even handed. They struggled with everyone. If they bowled short we seemed to delight in pulling straight o deep fielders or flicking to leg slips, a couple of sessions nearly made me throw my TV out of the window they were so infuriating.

2. Bowling. The best word to sum it up would be toothless i think. Broad bowled well and has become our best bowler (didn't see that happening a couple of years ago). As said previously Stokes is promising and only Anderson got any wickets out of the rest and he doesn't really look his old self. They took Swann apart until he ran away so they did the same thing to poor old Monty. I don't see where our bowling is going. We have a lot of bowlers who bowl 85mph line and length. As this series has shown you'll win nowt with that (not in Australia anyway - maybe in England). The Aussies have express pace in Johnson (and others) and also seemed to do more with the ball. Or maybe we just made them look good.

3. Fielding - we can't catch. They can. This is how you do it.

So what do we do? I don't see any easy answers. I personally would go for a few changes.

Firstly I would take the captaincy off Cook. He doesn't seem particularly inspirational, he is pretty defensive and if he's not captain he might go back to being a decent batter.

Secondly we need to get rid of some of the old guard.Some of this is forced (Trott, Swann) but others need replacing with younger models. I would keep Bell, Cook, Pieterson, Stokes, Prior, Broad and Anderson for the time being with the rest of the places being filled by and influx of youth. One of these players would be Root but somebody needs to decide what he is and stick to it. He also needs to stop getting bogged down so much. maybe a few months of opening in county cricket would sort him out. Most of the bowling we have seen has been average at best. Bresnan is a trundler, Rankin isn't even that good, Tremlett is verging on medium pace these days and Finn must be dog dirt if they wouldn't even give him a chance .The spinners were uniformly rubbish.

That's what I think anyway. It's probably mainly gibberish.

If anyone is still reading and feeling a bit down here is something to cheer you up.

We Did It!!!!

2013-09-22T12:57:00.004+01:00

After 10 years of banging our heads against the brick wall that was promotion from Division 4 we finally managed it last year. This season expectations were somewhat lower with the opposition expected to offer a sterner test but we stepped up to the plate in fine style. After an opening day loss a winning streak of 9 setup the rest of the season well and though our second half of the season contained the odd blip we went into last weeks game already promoted and needing 6 points to seal the title.

It would have been easy to be nervous but we put in what can only be described as an awesome fielding performance. An early run out set the tone and from then on the wickets flowed as chances were offered by the batsmen and were gleefully snaffled by our fielders. The high point was probably when the stumps were sent cartwheeling by Rambo to dismiss the only batsmen that tried to take the initiative.

At half-time Leyland put a very evil plan into action. They sat us down in the pavilion and deposited enough food to feed a small army in the table in front of us. Not being a bunch that turn down a challenge we gave it a good go but were ultimately defeated.

This setback seemed to affect our top order batsmen as the runs never really flowed. It took a steady partnership between Proc and TC to steady the ship and see us nearly home. Just as we started to relax, however, another couple of wickets fell and doubts began to creep in. Thankfully a combination of an old head (Alan Simpson) and a young pup (Mikey Wood) saw us over the line and the 6 points we required. Mike then tried to win it in style but didn't quite have the juice to reach the boundary and was out which left Alan to hit the winning runs and start the celebrations.

Division 3 2013 - Table

	P	w	l	nr	BatP	BowlP	Pen	Pts
Longridge CC - 3rd XI	22	15	6	1	11	52	0	200
Garstang CC - 2nd XI	22	14	7	1	13	52	0	193
Leyland CC - 3rd XI	22	13	7	2	11	42	0	174
Walton-le-Dale CC - 1st XI	22	12	8	2	9	50	0	171
Grimsargh CC - 1st XI	22	13	6	3	8	42	7	166
Eccleston CC, Chorley - 2nd XI	22	12	8	2	12	36	0	160
Fylde CC - 2nd XI	22	7	11	4	19	39	0	129
Fulwood and Broughton CC - 3rd XI	22	7	11	4	19	38	0	128
Kirkham & Wesham CC - 2nd XI	22	8	11	3	13	26	0	117
White Coppice CC - 2nd XI	22	8	10	4	13	33	10	116
Norcross CC - 2nd XI	22	4	16	2	17	42	0	99
Great Eccleston CC - 3rd XI	22	4	16	2	22	21	0	83

On a personal level I have had a bizarre season. I started in the 4ths and got some (now expunged from the record) runs so was promoted to the 3rd team as a batsmen. In the second game of the season I didnt bat but was thrown the ball and got 5 wickets. From there it was downhill all the way for by batting (I am now a number 9 who can smack the ball around a bit) and uphill all the way for my bowling. I've no idea how it has happened but I haven't enjoyed a season this much since I was captaining the side many moons ago. I even managed to take a few catches and pull off a few run outs.
The last act of our season took place last night at our fines celebration. Curry was eaten, Cobra was drunk (as well as a lovely bottle of Al Fresco) and the night was rounded off by what can only be described as a slightly surreal but completely brilliant singing tour-de-force by Alan as he put his on spin on the Fields of Chipping Road (if I find a video of it i'll stick it in here). A great end to a great season.

In other news I went on first Rovers game of the season yesterday. It was 0-0 and pretty dull in all honesty. We have a very young side many of who have potential but we just lost our way in the second half. Play offs may be possible with a following wind but mid table obscurity is probably beckoning.

I also did a bit of wistful Olympic reminiscing last week by having a panicky phone call with Mother Wendox after realising we hadn't ordered any Commonwealth Games tickets. Luckily she got there in time and registered for a host of thrilling sports (though mainly athletics and cycling).

Isn't That a Film

2013-08-09T00:07:00.000+01:00

It was a sad day this Tuesday as the last episode of Friday Night Lights was on Sky Atlantic. If you haven't been watching you've missed out. Pretty much everything has happened from sporting excellence (I suppose thats expected from a show about American Football), through to heroic interventions by people called Landry. It ended on a good note which got me thinking about which other programmes people should watch that they don't. My top 5 from the past are

5. Justified

It's on FX which is normally a good sign and it's about a chap who wears a cool hat and solves crime. Crystal Meth is involved so the kids are down with it and the main man is called Raylan Givens. Enough said.

4. Alias

A young Jennifer Garner was the star and insisted on wearing as little as possible for a lot of the show. The plot was bonkers enough to get on SyFy and one of the chaps in it was called Michael Vaughn - no word on the quality of his cover drive

3. Northern Exposure

Northern Exposure was strange. It was a program about Alaskans being odd. Not a lot happened but it was strangely captivating. As this clip shows a lot of it was bollocks but every so often they threw a piano.

2. Battlestar Gallactica

Not the one with Dirk Benedict in it. It does get a bit odd and religious at points (don't we all) but in general its ace - just ask my mum. I have the box sets if anyone wants to borrow them.

1. 30 Rock

A very silly and funny program. Alec Baldwin is a comedy god and that's pretty much all you need to know.

Also, Sharknado was on on Wednesday and was ace. I'm off to Blackpool on a stag do - wish me luck.

The Definition of Insanity

2013-08-02T23:17:00.000+01:00

As the definition of insanity is meant to be doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results I think I may fit the bill.

After decades of disappointment following Blackburn Rovers (there have been some good times that almost make it worthwhile) we are going to go back every other week to watch them thanks to our shiny new season tickets.

What with the general lunacy that has surrounded the club over the last few seasons this summer has been fairly uneventful and, in honest, a bit dull. We have bought, borrowed and otherwise obtained a number of solid championship footballers and haven't tried to weigh into the battle for Gareth Bale or Luis Suarez once. Shebby has been largely absent from our TV screens and we almost seem to be a normal football club. I'm not daft enough to think this will continue to be the case for long though, the Venkys are probably hatching their latest ingenious plot right now.

My prediction for the season is mid table mediocrity but with a following wind we could sneak into the playoffs.

Plus some more madness like this

In far more exciting news this is on SyFy on Wednesday night.

I can't freaking wait!

Not sure how they can top that but people seem to be having fun guessing. This is my favourite.

Plus we are still winning at cricket and are top of the league. Woooo!!!!!

The Perils of Overexertion

2013-07-22T22:33:00.000+01:00

After about half a season in my new cricketing role of opening bowler/workhorse I am starting to notice a couple of things.

1. I feel at my fittest about 5 overs into my spell on a Saturday - I think this is because once I get nice and loose the aches that dog me all week (groin, back, shoulder) seem to go away. The first five overs are always a bit stiff and tend to improve as I go on and after that depending on the weather there is always a chance of my head exploding at some point.

2. When I come off I forget how to bowl. This week I bowled 9 decent overs, had a 'rest' - if trudging from fine-leg to fine-leg on the biggest field in the world is classed as a rest. When I came back on at the end I bowled a startling array of beamers, half trackers and wides. Two batsmen were so confused they got out - suckers. Two weeks ago I was told I was coming off but was then given a last minute reprieve. My body had already processed the dragging off though and the over that followed was cack to say the very least. No wickets on that occasion though.

Anyway, the thirds are still riding high though we have lost a couple recently. Our gap to second is still pretty healthy so a few more wins in our coming string of home games and we are nearly there.

In a slightly terrifying turn of events this has happened:-

Fielding Statistics

		Wicket-keeping			Fielding
	Name	Catches	Stumpings	Wickets	Catches	Run Outs	Wickets
1	Dan Douglas	0	0	0	4	3	7
2	Michael Wood	0	0	0	6	1	7
3	Matthew Simpson	0	0	0	5	1	6
4	Joshua Mullin	0	0	0	5	0	5
5	Ian Barton	0	0	0	5	0	5
6	Tom Charnley	1	3	4	3	2	5
7	Darren Keighley	0	0	0	3	1	4
8	Matthew Richmond	0	0	0	3	1	4
9	Oliver Lewis	0	0	0	3	0	3
10	Alan Simpson	0	0	0	2	0	2

What does this mean? Is it what the Mayans were on about? Should I panic buy food? Has it all been a dream?

The ashes are now ~~well underway~~ pretty much over. Australia seem to have turned up with the sort of team you would expect from us in the 90's. Sure they have a couple of half decent players, but their best batters are their bowlers and some of their bowlers are that in name only. Still they never complained when we were crap so I won't now. Here's a fun ashes video

In other news Chris Froome won the tour. He is very good though not as much fun as Bradley. The French press were the stars for me. If he won a stage they said he was too good and on drugs. If he didn't they said he lost on purpose so he didn't look like he was on drugs, therefore he must be on drugs! He did win me nice amounts of money though the big bucks would have come if Richie Porte had been let off the leash a bit. Didn't stop William Hill limiting me to £3.12 e/w on him though. Got them running scared!

Oh, and a famous baby was born tonight. What should we call it? The smart money is on Joffrey seemingly but i'm going for either Tugay (Kate is a closet Rover) or possibly Hercules! (the exclamation mark is part of the name)

England Lay Up

2013-05-27T13:01:00.003+01:00

I may not be a great cricket strategist but last night I couldn't really believe what I was seeing. England, with a massive lead, and two days of dodgy weather ahead of them didn't enforce the follow-on but decided to bat again. They have no doubt done this so that they can all but guarantee that they don't lose but sport is about winning and it's always good to have a bit of confidence in your bowlers (who are pretty good) and go for the throat. Australia would have made them follow on and I would imagine that even New Zealand would have.

It all made me think of the end of Tin Cup (Spoiler alert!) where Don Johnson gives up any chance of winning by laying up so that he can guarantee 2nd place. He does not get the girl. Going for the proverbial green in two has only led to defeat 3 times in the history of cricket - once in 1894, once thanks to Ian Botham and once thanks to Laxman and Dravid putting on 400 for the 5th wicket.

If you haven't seen Tin Cup you really should. It's ace.

While i'm educating you on sports films here are 5 more top sports films that you should watch but probably haven't.

1. Rudy

Based on a true story about someone who is too small to play American football but has got heart. Sound bobbins doesn't it. It's not. Watch it. Now.

2. The Cutting Edge

OK, in honesty, this one is crap. It does have one of the best lines in cinema history though "We're doing the Pamchenko!" - maybe you have to be there. Plus it's one of my mum's favourites so it has to make the list

3. Friday Night Lights

The film is good (high school football team overcome the injury of their star player and grow as people) but the TV series is even better. Watch either. Or both. Not neither!

4. Hoosiers

Another underdog story. Lex Luthor is the coach and Dennis Hopper plays an alcoholic. Brilliant.

5. Warrior

I'm not a big fan of MMA but I am a fan of this film. Would have been better if he'd put his silly Batman voice on though.

Anyway, that's enough of that. Another win for the thirds this weekend against local rivals Grimsargh. I bowled 22 overs which has brought scientists to the door in search of the new colour my face discovered. They think it may be able to provide some sort of renewable energy source. Now that would make a good film.

Cricket update - England are still batting fairly slowly though Root is trying to go for it. We will probably still win but I don't agree with the methods.

How Red Can One Man Turn

2013-05-24T20:30:00.001+01:00

It's fair to say that last weekend I pushed my body to close to it's limit.

It all started on Saturday afternoon at Fylde CC. As is generally the way these days we turned up with the weather forecast giving us a 0% chance of play. As is also usually the case the forecast was wrong. We got a 29 overs a side game in which we won comfortably(ish). For my part I bowled 3 overs (1 for 10) and was then brutally spelled - being honest I was bowling like a bit of a tool. Super Darren Keighley stole the show with 5 for very few as we won by 4 wickets. At the end of the game my face was this colour

As every top athlete know the key to being at your peak is rehydration. The method I chose was the Boddingtons method. I was unsure of the recommended amount to take so I drank as much as I could. With hindsight the quad-vod was a mistake though but it didnt stop me to correctly guessing the murderer in the Mamma Mia Mystery Night at LCC.

On Sunday I wasn't feeling too bad. The Crabtree cup match with Charnock Richard will be notable in future years due to it being the scene of my best fielding display in living memory. Not only did I take three wickets, I took an (easy) return catch and even threw a direct hit run out in for good measure. You will be pleased to learn that I was back to my normal level on Wednesday in the Bods League. Anyway, after 8 overs and a few celebratory pints my face was by this time this colour

Normally I would use Monday as a day of rest to recharge my batteries. Unfortunately the new Unison 7 a side league kicked off. I ran myself ragged in my role as centre forward (I prefer it to feet and don't make too many lung busting runs) but alas we were defeated 2-1. The two open goals missed by persons who will remain unnamed (not me) cost us dearly. After driving home and then sitting quietly in the car for 10 minutes or so my face was this colour

I then took the sensible option and gave Tuesday nets a miss and had a good sit down. Nice.

Hit The Ground Running (ish)

2013-04-29T00:07:00.003+01:00

The cricket season has finally arrived so I thought I would brush off my blog (never heard it called that before have you).

After last seasons disastrous Saturday form I was lucky to be in the fourth team for the first game of the season. In a happy turn of events we were away at Thornton Cleveleys who play at the cricketing mecca that is Millfield School. On a track that was slower than an asthmatic snail we struggled to 110 all out. I managed 47 of them which worryingly was 9 more than I scored in the whole of last season! We then proceeded to demolish them for 30 with the ginger West Indian Ian Hobro doing the damage with 6 for 1. Well bowled sir.

I then went into my specialist style of cricket in the Bods League feeling upbeat about our chances for the season. That confidence soon went away after what I can confidently say was my worst game of cricket ever. Having already dropped one easy catch (does it still count as a dropped catch if you don't get a hand on it?) I came on and bowled my three overs for about 25. I managed to squeeze one more dropped catch in off my bowling which should have been snaffled. The batting was a very predictable golden duck and with everyone else joining in with the chaos either by getting run out, being unable to see in the dark or having their old achilles tendons giving up we went down to a narrow defeat. We'll need to buck our ideas up this week at Barton Grange though as Burnley have beaten Rovers more recently than LCC have defeated the Grange.

After the previous weeks runs and the inability of the third team to avoid rupturing things or chopping them off I got promoted this week and got to play at White Coppice which is always nice. Things took a turn for the strange as I started getting wickets and (say it quietly) taking catches. We restricted them to about 80 and then knocked them off using a mixture of youth (Simmo and Josh) and experience (Gale and Simpson). The day got even stranger as I managed to get home from race night with more money than I started with. I did let myself down a bit with my choice of a Mexican garlic bread in Genos though. Not good.

I'll be at the back hiding from the camera

In other sporting news we (Cricket Club A team) are now officially the best dominoes team in the world (I think that is what the competition is there to establish). In a nail biting playoff the Simpson brothers lead us to victory in a late night finish that was reminiscent of the 85 World Snooker final. Viewing figures aren't yet in but it is believed that tens of people witnessed the unfolding drama.

The Ball is Heavy

2013-02-20T23:03:00.001+00:00

It's fair to say that I have been accused of having questionable music taste in the past. In the main it is justified criticism though it is probably only fair to let you make your own mind up.

The first single I actually owned was Boys by Sabrina. I feel I should point out that I didn't have much choice about this one. I won it in a tombola at the great occasion that is the Longridge Lions Christmas Spectacular (was it called that?). I didn't see the video until a many years later. I suspect they didn't play it on Top of the Pops.

After that I don't remember much about my early musical years. Now That's What I Call Music 10 and 11 were definitely involved and Kylie was in her Neighbours heyday and then +Sam Douglas rocked up with Appetite for Destruction which I instantly decided was the best album that would ever be made. This might be simply because it threw the odd swear word in which to an 11 year old was like catnip but I still like to listen to some of the tracks from it every now and then.

At high school there was a brief dalliance with Michael Jackson when he brought Bad out and Meatloaf was a short lived phase as well (I think +Neil Procter is at least partially to blame for both of these things). Then Oasis arrived. I loved Oasis. The first two albums are still among my favourites to this day and the anticipation before the 3rd album came out was almost unbearable (less so for the 4th, 5th...). I even managed to go and watch them a couple of times. The pick of these occasions was when 5 of us went on a day trip to Knebworth to sit in the sun all day with 120,000 other like minded individuals. Epic is a word that barely does it justice.

University was a strange time with me finding time for sensible music that people admitted liking (Stereophonics, Green Day) and also pure unadulterated cheese that after a few beers I was willing to hit the dance floor and make a fool of myself to (Steps, Five and anything else humiliating you can think of basically). My main memories of live music at uni are watching Stereophonics on out first day there and watching The Propellerheads and sweating more than I actually thought possible.

Since then, in all honesty, I have gone off the rails a bit. I now mainly listen to quite a lot of 80s rock (AC/DC, Whitesnake, REO Speedwagon) as well as a liberal sprinkling of loud american rock music. I should probably look into some better music especially as my favourite band The Bad Thing broke up a few years ago.

All this brings us up to date and the reason I am rambling about music in the first place. Last night I went to the Guild Hall to see the Kaiser Chiefs. The main reason for going, however, was their support band +Heavyball . The bassist for +Heavyball is everyone's favourite Edwin Van der Saar impersonator +Johnny Eveson so they had a healthy home following - Chipping was wide open for burglars. After playing half an hour of pretty blooming good ska/rock I felt I already had my moneys worth and that was with the Chiefs to come. As was later pointed out a prime opportunity for an Oscar Pistorius joke was missed but that was the only criticism you will get from me. The other members of the band Matt and Howard are also awesome and the crowd around me certainly thought they were a good listen. The lass sat next to me went from "I hope they're not rubbish" to "I need to download their songs when I get home" in the space of 15 minutes.

It also turns out the Kaiser Chiefs have more famous songs than I give them credit for and they are ace live. Here is a picture I took of lead singer Ricky Wilson (looks a bit like a thin Charlie Brooker)

Can the owner of a red Fiesta please move it or it will be moved for you

As a wise man once said "after the show comes the after party" so we all decamped to Chipping for my first rock and roll after party. I drank my body weight in Fosters (no mean feat) and danced the night away (I don't need cheesy music after all!) pausing only briefly to perform a version of Whitesnake that will go down in history as one of the worst things ever seen or heard. Thanks to Andy for the piano playing on that one. One lesson learnt though is that my body doesn't react well to drinking til 6. I suspect it never did.

So to sum up. +Heavyball rock! Buy their songs. Here is one of them

Horse Racing Legend (Not that one)

2012-11-23T23:04:00.002+00:00

It's Betfair Chase day at Haydock tomorrow and a motley crew of horse racing lovers, stags, hens and scousers on the pop will turn up to pay tribute to Kauto Star who at some point will be paraded before the crowd and have a statue of him unveiled. I've seen Kauto win 3 of his 4 Betfair Chases and it's fair to say he was good. He has also sent his fair share of money my way. For me though he wont be the main attraction. In the handicap chase at 2:00 the legend that is Pigeon Island will be making an appearance.

My first encounter with Pigeon Island was way back in 2007 at Haydock. On the same day Kauto Star won his second Betfair Chase on the same card which was what most took away from the day. The three of us that went that day had our main fancy running in a hurdle race against "The Island". Looking back on the racing post website it looks like our horse was called Pouvoir though I had forgotten that long ago. Jumping the last Pouvoir was in front but the plucky outsider Pigeon Island tramped on through the mud better and took the lead with the line in sight. Needless to say the horse was immediately renamed as Feckin Pigeon Feckin Island. The name stuck for many a year as every time we backed it it lost and every time we didn't it romped home.

It all changed on the last day of the 2010 Cheltenham Festival. It had been a pretty disastrous week that had started with Dunguib getting turned over, then Captain Cee Bee - sent off favourite but I had it at 20/1 didn't put up much of a fight in the Arkle. When Kauto fell in the Gold Cup I was ready to give up. Then the planets aligned and I saw that Pigeon Island was running in the last. William Hills had 33/1 so I gave it some each way action. In true Pigeon Island style it battled up the hill to take the prize. Mark was nearly banned from Hills because he made so much noise!

So once again everyone else will be there for Kauto and I will be on Pigeon Island. 10/1 is currently the best prize available. Here's a video for all the Kauto lovers out there.

For all those looking for horses to avoid tomorrow here is what I will be betting on

12:20 - Balder Succes - Only 4 in the race so wont be much of a price
12:50 - Il de Re - Top flat horse so should be better than it has shown so far
1:25 - Baltimoar - No idea really but McCain normally does well at Haydock
2:00 - Pigeon Island - obviously
2:30 - Katkeau - Won loads in France so could be good
3:05 - Long Run - Should shape better than last year
3:40 - Nenuphar Collonges - Outsider but used to be classy before 2 years off

See you in the poor house!

Travelling in Style

2012-11-13T00:07:00.002+00:00

Another sign of time passing this week as I travelled to London for my brothers 35th birthday (sorry if it was a secret Sam). After a couple of months entrenched in Preston the thought of 3 days in London was pretty exciting to be honest.

The only slight downside of London is that it is quite a long way away. With the advent of super fast trains though it only takes a couple of hours. On the way there the train was only £20 so I jumped on. As time was short I had already read a bit of my book and amazingly I timed it just about perfectly so that I finished it as I was passing Wembley Stadium. The book was this one and it was readable pap about a rock star being stalked by all manner of lunatics. I also listened to a huge amount of 80s rock music on my phone though at one point I did find myself whistling along with REO Speedwagon (oh dear).

Anyway, on arriving in London I hotfooted it to Leicester Square where Sam was just finishing work and drinking in one of his regular haunts with his croupier chums. We then went off to some other places and drank heavily. Good times were had though I was fighting a losing battle playing catchup.

As was to be expected we were feeling awesome on Friday so we set about defeating the day with zeal. Actually we lozocked around at his flat for the morning watching the first half of The Crow: Wicked Prayer. We would have watched it all but our eyeballs would have started bleeding. Here is the trailer - do not watch the film - you have been warned

After Tara Reid forced us from the house we pottered around London for a couple hours taking in a £3 bottle of lemonade at the Royal Academy (I think it was called that). We then went to watch Skyfall. It was bloody good - best Bond ever? The only downside was that it cost £11 each (bloody London). They did also have a jolly good advert for Les Miserables too which should be good.

That evening we met the always fun Neil for an evening of drinking and chatting. We visited several pubs and had the best burger I have ever had. This came from Honest Burger which had a 90 minute waiting list but luckily you could go to the pub and they rang you when it was ready. Here is a pic of mine

On Saturday we went for a day of Southern Rugby at Twickers with our rock star friend Johnny Eveson. I do like Southern Rugby but being a lover of Northern rugby I do tend to switch off a bit as the game gets bogged down in rucks, mauls and general floor based tomfoolery. It gives the impression that it was like Northern Rugby until some toff who gave tonnes of money to Eton had a fat kid and told them that they had to change the game so that little Tristram could play.

England obviously destroyed Fiji after a shaky first 10 with Charlie Sharples being unluckily denied a hat-trick after cunningly bouncing it off the corner flag. People say that Rugby is a grand upstanding game and everything about it is wonderful (particularly the crowd). It turns out there are just as many drunken knobs, its just they choose to wear tweed and superhero costumes and shout about mummy's Jag as opposed to shouting racist things and glassing each other (OK - on second thoughts they probably are better than football fans). Twickenham is mega and the pomp and ceremony before the match is great especially when you get a cibi included (that's a Fijian haka for the uninitiated - I googled it).

Having enjoyed our sporting afternoon we adjourned to Camden for some food. This time we had a erm... burger from Byron. It was good but after the one at Honest Burger it had a lot to beat. It lost. We then went to a few more bars (Our Black Heart was the pick) and wandered home tired from the exertions of the day. On the way we passed a jazz bar which advertised itself with a picture of a man doing a high kick!

Sunday morning brought the devastating news that Sam's Internet and cable were broken. With no hangover TV to comfort us we had to resort to the second half of The Crow: Wicked Prayer. You know when you have to stop watching TV when you hit rock bottom. That was it for us.

So off I went to the station. Unfortunately due to the fact that the train back was £40 I was off to the coach station £6.50!!!!! With a 6 1/2 hour journey you can get a lot done. As I didn't have my ironing board with me I ploughed through another book and then found out that I could watch the Chelsea/Liverpool game on my phone. What I learnt was that the book The 500 was OK (not good, not bad) and that I still don't like Luis Suarez. I also learnt that it is very upsetting when you think that you are nearly home and the bus leaves the motorway to stop outside a bingo hall in St. Helens.

Still, you can do worse than National Express.

Berg-er King?

2012-10-31T21:12:00.002+00:00

5 weeks ago on a day that will go down in history Steve Kean finally did the decent thing and resigned. As we partied the night away at Neil and Irene’s wedding the thinking was that within a week or two we would be presented with a messiah figure who would wash away the memories of the last 18 months.

Where'd my finger go?

Over a month later we were still none the wiser and had been baffled by talk of Maradona, Harry Redknapp, Ian Holloway and Billy McKinley. These names were met with reactions that ranged from excitement, through laughter all the way to anger. Then suddenly a new name came steaming into view and he was given the job. So now we all know that the possessor of the worst job since Henry VIII’s codpiece cleaner is none other than Henning Berg. His managerial record seems reasonable – though it did take place in Norway where they think eating rotten fish is a good idea – and he has the fact he is a Rovers legend in his favour so I am generally in a positive frame of mind about the appointment. Hopefully he will talk some other Rovers legends into assisting him. I would go for Sebastien Perez and Dario Marcolin but that’s just me. The other good news is that we might win a trophy now – we haven’t won one without Henning since 1928! I did want to include a video of his defining moment in a Rovers shirt when Gerald Ashby sent him off for a perfectly good tackle against Man Utd and consigned us to a 4-2 defeat but couldn’t find one so here is a football sticker with him on.

In other news everyone’s favourite horse Kauto Star has retired. I remember watching him at Haydock in the 2006 Betfair Chase when he won by the length of the straight. Even to my untrained eye I could tell he was a bit decent. Still, as long as Pigeon Island doesn’t retire any time soon I still have one horse to follow (running at Wetherby on Friday – worth an each way punt). If you love Kauto then you should look into media darling and all round Longridge legend Andrew Pennington's new book.

Finally - tragedy has befallen me tonight. My Xbox has started flashing red lights at me and refusing to work. This has the unfortunate effect of stopping me watching 3 year old straight to DVD films through the Lovefilm app. Time to get my PC working again I think. Oh, and I won at darts last night – yay!

I Hate Lance Armstrong

2012-10-12T00:04:00.003+01:00

I hate Lance Armstrong. Here's why.

At the start of 1989 I had never heard of the Tour de France. Then my dad announced that on our holiday in France we were going to go and watch it. In its most basic terms it was a battle between Greg Lemond and Laurent Fignon. Whether it was the fact that he had come back from being shot or the fact that he wasn't French I decided that Lemond was the one I wanted to win. The race was touch and go throughout with Lemond the better time trialist and Fignon slightly better going uphill. When we got the chance to see the action it was the 3rd from last stage and Fignon was 50 seconds up. Being 10 I obviously thought the best part of the day was the caravan of free gifts that rolled through before the race. All kinds of free stuff were on offer - none of which were of use to anyone.

When the race came tearing through there was a select group at the front containing both Lemond and Fignon. 2Km down the road Lemond won the sprint for the line. By then I was well and truly hooked. Here is what Channel4 thought of it all

A couple of days later by the pool in Spain we saw that the final time-trial was on the TV in the bar. Lemond was way behind and the stage was short but we watched anyway. 'space-age helmet won the day in the greatest finish to a tour of all time (I think) and from then on watching the tour on random foreign TVs became a holiday tradition. This is what happened.

After that there were so many memorable competitors and moments that I can't name them all. Here are a few though.

1. Abdoujaparov - Nutter

Throughout my early days watching the tour the Tashkent Terror was my sprinting favourite. This was his defining moment

2. Armstrong Cheating #1

Should have guessed that he had no scruples when he did this - it was pretty cool though

3. Crazy Spectators

Poor old Giuseppe Guerini was clear on the climb to l'Alpe D'Huez when a fan took him out. It was shocking! Luckily he got up and still won. This is what it would have looked like if the world was lego based

So that's why I love watching cycling. Unfortunately over the years the bad news has started to overtake the good. Initially with the innocence of youth I thought it was just a few bad eggs (Pantani, Virenque etc) but gradually the realisation that drug use was endemic has dawned.Then , as Mariah Carey once said a hero came along. Lance Armstrong, fresh from defeating cancer set about rewriting the record books. He won tour after tour and everyone was happy. There was whispering from the media about drugs but nobody believed them (or at least wanted to) because Lance would never do that. Unfortunately he did. So did pretty much everyone else.

Since 1998 the vast majority of victors have also been cheaters as this little chart shows

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2012/08/24/sports/top-finishers-of-the-tour-de-france-tainted-by-doping.html

There are pretty much 10 years when my watching the tour seems like a complete waste of time. The upsetting thing is that Lancey boy was thought of as one of the all-time great sporting heroes. He also makes loads of money for charity and seemingly also likes old people and animals. His story would have made a great film (suppose it still would - though he would have to be played by someone like Hugh Grant now).

Some people say "well if everyone else was on drugs then its not a problem". I say bollocks. Cheating is cheating and I hate Lance Armstrong. At least Steve Kean .......... No - I can't find a way that I don't think Steve Kean is that bad - he sucks too.

On a happier note Neil and Irene got married the other week. It was a great night though me and Sam didn't get to do karaoke (probably a good thing).

The Olympics Rule

2012-08-16T01:05:00.003+01:00

The olympics are over and I have come back to reality. What an amazing two weeks they were though. Not only was the sport fantastic, everyone in London was behaving like they had been on the happy pills for months. Even the inevitable problems with transport and security didn't materialise (and when they did Dutch Judo players intervened quite quickly). To sum up - it was awesome and I can't wait for Rio. Here are a few of the things that I will remember.

Best Entertainment - BMX Racing

BMX racing is without doubt the most bonkers sport I have witnessed. Eight competitors come flying down a ramp jump some jumps, go round sharp bends through tunnels and generally fall over (normally on their face). For this reason you can't fail to enjoy it. Even David Beckham was there when we were - though I don't imagine he was overly pleased with the announcer when he told everybody in the stadium where he was sitting. We had a couple of likely competitors who madew the final and then either had a bad start or too good a start which led to them getting disorientated and falling off.

Other notably entertaining sports we watched were Modern Pentathlon (particularly the random nature of the show jumping section) and to be honest pretty much everything else.

Best Stadium - The Velodrome

We had plenty to choose from. The Olympic stadium is great, Wembley is brilliant as is the O2. In truth only the Aquatic Centre was a bit disappointing but the velodrome is a fantastic place. It looks great from the outside - like some sort of wicker basket of victory and when you get inside it manages to become the loudest place on earth (not literally). When Pendleton broke the Olmpic record the place was rocking

Best Rule - The Challenge Cube

In freestyle wrestling when a coach doesn't agree with the decision of the judges he is allowed to make an appeal for a change in scoring. In any normal sport you would put your hand up, press a button or make a strange shape with you arms (cricket - why a T shape?). In freestyle wrestling you throw into the ring the challenge cube. The "cube" is a cuboid of foam looking stuff (the challenge cuboid would have sounded stupid) that is about 6 inches long and is always met with incredible excitement by the crowd. This may be because it is the only part of wrestling that they understand. Other fun rules in freestyle wrestling include the freestyle clinch which is a bit like a penalty being awarded at random to one side at the end of a drawn football match. if they score they win, if they don't they lose. Maybe Sepp should look into it.

Best Celebration - Robert Harting

On our big day at the Olympic Stadium one of the events that flew under the radar was the men's discus. Our only hope Lawrence okoye went out after three rounds and it was left to discus hero Robert Harting to win it. After his last challenger came up short he not only ran up to his coach and ripped his vest off Hulk Hogan style, he then set off on a lap of honour that included running the 100m hurdles. It's fair to say that he should probably stick to the discus but it was nice that he tried.

Best Seats

A toss up between the ones we had for the swimming part of the modern pentathlon and the ones we had at Wimbledon for the tennis. I'll come down on the side of Wimbers in the end as we had all day there as opposed to 5 200m freestyle heats. We were sat about 10 rows back directly behind the service line. We could almost touch Maria Sharapova. It was like being in the royal box (if it was full of crying children and people constantly taking photos)

Best Food

When in London you have to try some of the local food. There was only one winner in this competition though. The 6 course meal we had at Roganic was pretty much faultless and the plate of various bits of pig was insanely good.

A potato thing. Much better than it sounds

The burger we had at Meatliquor was also brilliant but the chilli fries were the most ridiculous thing I have ever been served in my life.

Meatliquor - it's good for you

Biggest Disappointment

Only two things in the whole trip were disappointing. The runner up in this category was the marathon swimming. We were sat there for two hours in the sweltering heat watching bits of the action when they came into view (apart from that it was on TV) and our great gold medal hope Kerri Ann Payne only came 4th. Fair play to her for swimming around for 2 hours but to be let down at sport because you can't eat properly boggles my mind

The somewhat controversial winner of the prize though is Jessica Ennis. That's right - national treasure Jessica Ennis let us down. Our athletics tickets included the sessions containing the 100m hurdles 1st round, semis and final. After running a time in the heptathlon that would have tied the time that won gold in Beijing we were rightly looking forward to it. Then she didn't turn up. It upset us no end. Anyway here's a picture of the hurdles sans Ennis.

Ennis - why have you forsaken me?

Oh - nearly forgot. There was also the time that George Michael said "here's a new song". Stop being stupid and sing Club Tropicana you knob!

Best Pub

We watched sport in a few pubs over the weeks. Some were let down by having the wrong channel on, others by the IPA tasting like vinegar (you know who you are). The winner though thanks to the recommendation of Neil and Irene was the Prospect of Whitby on Wapping. They had two rooms with different sports on. we saw too many gold medals to mention (we even cheered home Ennis before our falling out). The beer is a bit dear but it is in London so that's to be expected I suppose.

Best Douglas

All of the Douglii covered themselves in glory over the course of the Olympics. Whether it was Sam "Awesome Underpants" Douglas, Wendy "I don't want your seat" Douglas or even John "rndm txt msg" Douglas there was only one winner and that was "Aunt" Gabrielle Douglas. The flying squirrel ripped up the all-round gymnastics competition at the O2. She was gooooooood.

The O2. Gynastic-tastic

Best Celebrity Spot

Other than the people actually competing we didn't see as many celebrities as we expected. Becks was at the BMX (I saw his quiff), we saw Jane Torvill (twice), Christopher Dean, Kelly Holmes and Barry McGuigan. The winner though has to be the man who on the night of a closing ceremony celebrating the best songs that GB had produced over the last 40 years walked proudly up the stairs to the back of the Olympic Stadium knowing that he had been overlooked even though he was surely a legend. That man is Tony Hadley. Shame he didn't release any songs that were in any way Olympic or medal colour related really.

Other Great Moments

Other events worth mentioning are a body slam performed by Mongolian wrestler Soronzonboldyn Battsetseg that was the highlight of an otherwise regulation session, the gig we went to where Heavyball rocked Camden and the first time Sam set eyes on Jaqueline Carvalho (warning - this video is a bit weird)

Anyway that was the Olympics. They were awesome. Maybe we will go to Rio or Sochi.

Thanks to Sam for letting us stay with him and bringing his fun to the table and Mother Wendox for putting up with us for two weeks, stopping us going native and being generally awesome.

I will leave you with the velodrome song

London Bound

2012-07-29T13:56:00.000+01:00

It's finally here. The Olympics have started. We are decamping to London for two weeks of sun and fun. We have tickets for pretty much everything we wanted apart from swimming (a shame really as it would appear from watching it this morning there are people with tickets not turning up).

I kicked off my Olympic experience at Old Trafford on Thursday for GB v Senegal. Not a good game but good to see Ted and Pete and have a few beers with them.

I returned to captaincy yesterday and we pulled of a brilliant win thanks to accurate bowling from Grandad Calderbank, random bowling from The Lobster and a great opening partnership from Josh and Proc. Not bad for a bunch of clowns.

2 Games Played - 2 Balls Faced

2012-07-20T23:18:00.001+01:00

I've played 2 games of cricket this week that have pretty much summed up my season's attempts at batting.

First up was the 4ths game at Walton le Dale. Asked to bowl first on a decent pitch we were pretty pleased with ourselves when we restricted them to 90 odd. They did recover well to get that many from 35 for 6. Little did we realise that by then they already had too many! A quite shambolic batting display saw us bowled out for just over 30. For my part I actually bowled Ok and picked up a few wickets but then get a juicy delivery in the slot first ball which I chipped gently to mid-on. I had been instructed that morning to bat like it was a Wednesday by my dad and it has to be said that he was right. Unfortunately I chose to bat like Wednesday Adams instead.

Next up was the Bods on Wednesday. A pretty straightforward win was on the cards when I went out to bat needing 2 to win. i got the same ball as on Saturday and hit it for 6 without a seconds thought. Maybe tomorrow is the day that Wednesday form comes to Saturdays.

Firstly tomorrow I am getting measured for a suit for Neil's wedding (I think i'm at least an XL). I get a fancy suit because of my role in the wedding of being Usher. He may have said I am an usher but I am fairly sure he actually wants me to be Usher. Anyone who has ever seen me dance will know that I have all of the moves required. To prove my point this is a video I made when I was having a dance off in the hood the other day.

Just one week until the Olympics. Wooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have cracked and broken my no more tickets policy by buying some for the BMX racing finals. It looks brilliant.

We are still missing our Cycling tickets from Holland They emailed me today to say that they were stuck in customs and that it will all be fine. I'm glad they're chilled out about it!

I'm Paying For Your Holiday!

2012-07-10T22:16:00.001+01:00

It's official. My Olympics tickets go on better holidays than me and I am paying for them to do it.

If you ignore the ones I have bought from London which take a leisurely drive up the M1 and M6 they are all going on tremendous trips.

The first ones that arrived were Marathon Swimming. Not content with setting off from Paris, they took a detour through the lovely city of Cologne before seeing fit to come to Preston.

Cologne - nice stop off

Next up were the Athletics tickets who set off from Brussels and had time for a stop off in Paris before hitting blighty.

Paris - a bit like Blackpool

Our Gymnastics and Cycling ones haven't set off yet but they are coming from Amsterdam so they probably aren't in any rush.

Afroman was his god.

Pick of the bunch though are the Tennis tickets bought from Bulgaria. They threw an immediate curve ball by being dispatched from New York! They then went 1000 miles in the wrong direction to Memphis. This must have been a great road trip through Philadelphia, Washington and Nashville. It's just a shame they couldn't stay longer. Still, they are currently at Stanstead airport so they seem to have given up on the high life. I can't even remember the last time I left the UK :(

Maybe they met Elvis!

With just 2 ½ weeks to go until the start of the Olympics it has to be said that I am probably more excited than Jesus was when he found out he could fly. Here's something to get you in the mood

In the mean time cricket continues. I won't talk about Saturday apart from to say there was a good, if straightforward, win for the 3rds and an epic (can a short match be epic?) win for the fourths. The Bods boys continue to go from strength to strength (and I actually look like I have played before when I bat on Wednesday). Another excellent win against a crack Grasshoppers outfit keeps the pressure up on league powerhouses Grimsargh. A win at Whittingham this week is a must though.

England - The Best Rubbish Team in the World

2012-06-18T19:50:00.000+01:00

The Euro footy championships are by now well underway and it has to be said they have caught me by surprise. Initially I was completely uninterested. This was partly due to the fact that, as everyone knows, this summer is all about the Olympics and partly due to the fact that there's more chance of Poundland putting their prices up than there is of England coming home with the trophy. How wrong I was (to be uninterested not about England's chances). The matches have all been watchable at the very least with some great performances (Spain v Ireland), some crap performances (Ireland v Spain) and some great/crap performances (England v Sweden).

England, for their part, are doing about as well as can be imagined. They are pretty much all performing to the best of their ability. The problem is that in some cases the best of their ability is approximately 4/5ths of bugger all. James Milner. Enough said.

Still Wayne is back now and will no doubt confuse opposition defenders with his intelligent running and bat shit crazy hair style.

I'll have a short back and sides with an interpretation of a rough sea on top please

I don't want to give away the ending but here's what is going to happen. England will sneak through tomorrow night with a draw against Ukraine. This will probably be in spite of a late equaliser which leaves us desperately clinging to survival. Unfortunately this will leave us 2nd in the group and up against Spain in the quarters. We will defy the odds with an amazing performance and take them to penalties. We will lose. Somebody slightly surprising will end up winning the whole thing. I'm going to say France. Get your bets on now*

Not much cricket at the moment due to rain. We did manage the bods semi on Sunday though. We lost due to a 6 hit off the penultimate ball by a batsmen who only a ball earlier had 'retired'. We'll take a scorer next year I think.

The Olympic tickets have started to arrive with some Tom Daley 10m platform diving ones in the bag. It will be a granny fest the likes of which haven't been seen since Tim Henman retired. "Come on Tommy!". Worrying news from the Lottery as I received an email saying that they might have made a mistake and I may not have won VIP Beach Volleyball tickets. Needless to say that if we don't get the VIP treatment the Lottery will be dead to me.

Forgot to take pictures again so here's a pic of my tea. It was Cod with Peas, Broad Beans and Pancetta. Bloody lovely.

*These predictions are entirely guesswork and in no way should be taken as truth. Any bets placed based on the say so of this blog are entirely at the users risk (though if you win I will gladly take a cut)

God Bless The National Lottery

2012-06-08T20:46:00.003+01:00

Even though I have given up buying tickets for the Olympics I can't seem to stop obtaining them. After entering a whole load of competitions from the National Lottery without any success (I play twice a week and haven't won for about three years) imagine my surprise when they send me a message on Twitter saying that I had won a prize in one of their comps. What would they be tickets for I wondered, deciding in the end that they would be for something disappointing which was at the same time as something else that I had tickets for. How wrong can one man be. They were VIP tickets to Beach Volleyball!

As far as I can make out this involves eating and drinking free stuff for 4 hours, then going to the best seats in the house (you can almost taste the sun cream I've heard) to watch 4 matches of Beach Volleyball. All the while the freebies keep coming. They will rue the day they gave the Douglas brothers a free bar. Other exciting news is that our first tickets have been delivered. They are for....... The train! Not too thrilling but a vital cog in the machine all the same.

On the cricket front we beat top of the league Kirkham the other week. I bowled OK but am in the side as a batsman and you can work out for yourself how that went given that last week I found myself in the fourth team. Playing fourths I bowled well again, though 14 overs is several too many for my body to handle. I'm not going to talk about the batting. It also has to be said that Croston do fantastic teas. All kinds of everything are served. This is Croston

The Bods team suffered a shock defeat on Wednesday at the hands of Barton Grange. A thoroughly miserable game of cricket it was too. We played badly, deservedly got beaten and got soaked through for good measure. Bring on summer.

Went to Mick and Jen's wedding last Sunday. A good do and learnt that if I don't drink at a wedding there in approximately 0 chance of me dancing. Aidan and Lucy's wedding tomorrow. For scientific reasons I will get hammered and see if that makes me dance.

The Euros have just started. Not bad as a warm up to the main event. Less than 50 days to go!

Mine's a Cider

2012-05-25T21:52:00.000+01:00

Real Ale festivals should in theory be right up my alley. They generally involve an afternoon in a beer garden drinking heavily. Unfortunately the trip we made to The Continental last Friday fell foul of the usual issues I have with such festivals.

The first problem was obviously the early summer weather. It has to be said that sitting in a crowded beer garden loses some of its appeal when it is raining. The second problem I had was that I don't really like real ale. On at least a couple of occasions someone said to me "try this one Dan, it's lovely and hoppy". I don't know what hoppy is meant to taste like but I am fairly sure I could recreate it by filling my cricket bag with warm water and leaving it in a warm place for a couple of weeks. Anyway here are this weeks real ale reviews in reverse order (I only managed 4 pints due to a bit of a disk space related incident).

4. Flying Scotsman - tasted like a train drivers underpants 3/10

3. Coffee Porter - surprisingly enough it tasted of coffee. Not disgusting 5/10

Tastes of coffee. Should taste of beer

2. Dutchman - Fittingly as far as their football team is concerned it tasted of oranges. Quite nice 6/10

1. Moonshine - Cider. Strong. Tasted of apples. Brilliant - says a lot about me I suppose 9/10

Best thing at the real ale festival. Cider!

The sharp eyed of you will no doubt be thinking "My, those are better than Dan's usual photos". That is because I have joined the modern age a bought a proper phone. I was so impressed I decided to take a photo of the Ribble on my way home. Here it is

Lord Litchfield better watch out!

On the cricket front we got back to winning ways in the third team thanks to a comprehensive win over Chorley. Three people dropping from the second team made a real difference with Barty and Rambo putting in 100 for the opening wicket. Roger wheeled away from one end to take 5 well deserved wickets but the pick of the bowling was Platty. His spell had everything - full tosses, double bouncers, wides, no balls and even some good deliveries. It clearly flummoxed their top order as they collapsed to 60 all out. A 100 run win made the beer taste good as we cheered on Chelsea (don't know why).

The Bods team have chalked up 3 more wins. The exciting news is that we are through to Finals Day of the Bods cup. Having never played in a senior final I find the prospect thrilling.

The final shot at Olympic tickets arrived this week and I went crazy and got both Volleyball tickets and Freestyle Wrestling tickets. I'm not sure if The British Bulldog is still alive but if he is he will surely be making an appearance (I've looked it up and he is indeed dead. Very sad - William Regal is still alive though so he will have to suffice).

Top of the table clash this Saturday. Bring it on!

Pain - I Know Your Name

2012-05-15T19:17:00.001+01:00

Three days on from my first 11 overs of the season and it's fair to say I haven't responded well to the effort. It feels like while I was asleep on Saturday night someone put me in a sack and proceeded to hit me all over with a bat. In honesty after the amount I had to drink on Saturday night this might have actually happened.

Apart from the pain it was an up and down weekends cricket all things considered. We started at Leyland 4ths on Saturday looking to protect our unbeaten start to the season. On a soft green track which looked very favourable to the bowlers we allowed them to reach 100 before they lost a wicket. We did rally quite well late on to restrict them to under 130 off their 45 overs but the general consensus was that this was probably at least 30 more than par. For my part I bowled 11 overs 1 for 17 which wasn't so bad. When Leyland got their turn though they seemed to be bowling on a different track to us. The ball seamed around and when put in the right place by their opening bowlers was pretty much impossible to get away. As has been our way this season we slumped early to about 30 for 7 (I was given out LBW for 7 - probably hitting middle and leg so can't grumble) before our skipper, ably supported by the renaissance man of our batting line up Dan Seed, got us in with an outside chance of victory before we ended up about 30 short. We got one point for our efforts which was probably about what we deserved.

The question on Sunday was how would we cope without our talisman who was unavailable. The answer was - quite well. Following our customary early loss of wickets (I was given out LBW again - BIG inside edge which was gutting as I was batting nicely) we were steered to 230 thanks to runs from Bri Simpson and Rick Clegg. Bowling wise we were never really in much trouble - the opener got after me a bit which was largely due to the fact I was bowling at the pace of a 10 year old. Everyone else bowled pretty well with Mushy picking up most of the wickets. Fielding wise it had to be seen to be believed with Brian taking a cracking juggling catch while Cleggy and TC pulled off what I believe is known in the trade as a relay catch (kind of). Nobody was videoing at the time but it went something like this

I wasn't going to comment on Blackburn but after the events of yesterday when a video surfaced of Steve Kean saying nasty things about Big Sam and also claiming to have discovered Phil Jones I thought I would mention it. Then today seemingly Mr. Allardyce has decided to sue over the claims. All I can say is that it couldn't happen to a nicer fellow.

I also broke one of my unwritten rules last week by watching Match of the Day after Blackburn lost. All I can say is WOW!!!!! Would have liked to watch that one live but the Crabtree Cup had to come first. If Blackburn weer playing against Joey Barton every week I would have my season ticket back in a flash, he is great entertainment (as long as he keeps a reasonable distance from me).

Once again I forgot to take any pictures so here is a snap of my dinner. Never had Swordfish before. It's very nice.

Going Out With a Whimper

2012-05-08T23:08:00.001+01:00

And so it is over.

Having tumbled towards oblivion for the best part of 18 months Rovers are relegated. If ever a relegation was on the cards then this was it. The whole club is a shambles from our owners out in India through to the players back here in Blackburn via everyone's favourite pantomime villain Steve Kean. Here's a nice view of the last Premiership match to be played at Ewood for a (long) while

So how have I reacted to the relegation I hear you ask. Well last night I was miffed to say the very least. Still, I always find that the best way to get over disappointment is to put denim shorts and a wig on and shout so I did this for a while

After half an hour or so of that I was obviously a bit knackered so I sat down and had a think about it all. This got me all riled up again and 10 minutes into the thinking this happened

By this time it was after midnight so I really needed to go to bed. You shouldn't go to bed in a bad mood though so i went to my happy place for a bit (I promise - no more Tugay videos for a while - well at least until next season)

On a brighter note I have still to taste defeat at cricket this season. The Bods team secured a shock win against title favourites Preston Grasshoppers on Wednesday night. I even managed a few runs and a wicket. It's too early to talk about league titles but I like to think we will do better than last season.

The third team bounced back from a poor showing with the bat (apart from Colonel Cricket - he got a promotion last week) to bowl Penwortham out for under 50. Great bowling from everyone meant I didn't get a look in again. Still, its the cup this weekend so I may get a trundle. My second duck of the season meant another tea cost me £6. It was much better value than last weeks tea (or lack of) though. I did a grand job of collecting the flags though so it wasn't a completely wasted afternoon.

3 games of cricket coming up this week. Not sure how i'll cope but there's only one way to find out.

A Rough Old Weekend

2012-04-30T00:06:00.000+01:00

An action packed weekend to go at this weekend.

It all began with the joys of Aidan's stag do in Manchester on Friday. A good time was had by all as far as I can tell though as the night went on the memory comes and goes. There was definitely a pre-club kebab house starter plate with Richard. There was a strange bronze statue of the camp chap in one bar we went to was fairly off putting and the cocktails we had in the swanky Gaucho Grill were among the worst drinks I've ever had the misfortune to drink. Luckily they were nice and cheap! Sadly due to cricketing commitments I had to miss the mountain biking expedition in the peak district. On the upside that meant that everyone got home before dark.

So after a brief kip in Manchester I staggered to the station on Saturday morning. Had I had a sit down I reckon I would have collected enough for train fare in a matter of minutes. As ever when needed most there were no seats on the train - I contemplated asking a pregnant lady to move so I could sit down but decided against it.

On arriving at the glorious Mossom Lane in Blackpool for the third team game (could have done with a shower or at least a bucket of cold water before getting there) I was greeted by weather conditions that could only be described as "Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr". Not only was it nice and cold, the stiff breeze blowing across the ground really cut to the bone. My team mates were all rightly sympathetic to my pain and didn't mock at all (though Dr. Seed did get me some pills from the shop - thanks Dorf).

We batted first on a dodgy looking track (it wasn't that bad in the end) and following Chinners missing a straight full toss I made my way to the middle. After a couple of overs I was feeling OK and getting in the mood for runs. I then missed a straight on and was out for 4. "Bollocks!" doesn't begin to express my feelings fully. We then slumped to 30 for 5 at which point we were in trouble (duh!). Luckily Captain Marvel stepped up again and Dave "The Limpet" Young grafted away and got the score approaching one hundred. They were both out but Seedy played some trademark shots to get us up to about 140.

Following a disappointing tea (no tea - its chuffing freezing!) we took to the field. I had all the clothes I owned on so my usual graceful fielding was not in evidence unfortunately, though on the one occasion I was called up on dive/flop I at least had a soft landing. We did, however, still manage to get home with 20 or so runs to spare. This was mainly down to some early wickets from Platty (allegedly the same lad that played last week though i'm not sure) and some tight bowling from the other bowlers (not me - he must be saving me for the big games). As the bar seemed to be closed we all set off home to savour our victory at LCC.

Impossible as it seems the events on Sunday left me feeling even more sick than Saturday. In honesty I didn't expect a great deal from our game against Spurs. Unfortunately I got so much less its untrue. How a side "battling" relegation can go a whole game without a shot on target baffles me beyond belief. It got so bad that at one point I was in a dream like state and I think I may have taken Gary Neville as my new religious leader. Voldemort is still confident though that we will be fine. For as random an interview as you will ever see look here

Really Steve?

In fairness to Steve we have had some monumental performances this season. The games at Christmas where we got beaten at home by West Brom and Bolton were monumental and recently our 7-1 loss at Arsenal and our 3-0 defeats by mighty Swansea and Champions League chasing West Brom were cracking results. He also has a point about back to back clean sheets, the 2 clean sheets we have had all season were in consecutive games. Just need that once a year occurrence to happen again then.

I did hear this on radio 5 tonight which probably sums up the general feeling pretty well. Try about 15 minutes in for Marion telling it like it is.

Marion Brings the Truth

Anyway, always leave on a happy note so here's a video that raised a chuckle, plus we had a very nice fish and cider pie for tea. Yum.

Venkys Out!

Kean Out!

The Pros and Cons of Racehorse Ownership

2012-04-23T18:03:00.001+01:00

In a week where the ups and downs of racehorse ownership were evident for all to see at Aintree I had my own bitter-sweet experience at what is rapidly becoming one of the top racing fixtures of the season. I do course refer to the LCC Race Night.

Early in the evening I had picked up a useful prospect that was running in the 3rd race for a mere £5. Coming over the final fence with a slender 2 length advantage the race was in the balance but the dour stayer plodded on to claim victory by a nose. No gold cups were in evidence for the winning owner but a brown envelope full of cash, a rather gloomy black rosette and a bottle of fizzy stuff. It has to be said that the fizzy wine didn't mix with the Guinness I had been drinking all night, luckily Fergie was happy to tuck in.

Flushed with success I then formed a syndicate with Frank and Wilko. Luckily they had made up after a bit of a debacle running between the wickets earlier in the day. Unfortunately on this occasion the nag wasn't up to the job and trailed in 5th - disappointingly the prize money didn't reach that far down the order. Still, as us losers say, it's not the winning but the taking part.

Obviously the race night followed the opening day of the Palace Shield season. The 3rds picked up a good win over last seasons champions Grimsargh, though next week we should make an effort to help out our skipper and not make him get all of the runs and wickets (chance would be a fine thing!). The bods also got off to a flyer with a straightforward(ish) win over PNE. The main controversy surrounded the state of the pitch - everyone agreed it was fit for play apart from their groundsman who was at home watching Cash in the Attic! My performances were 3rds (Duck, didn't bowl) Bods (Didn't bat, 2 for 6). I out of 4 isn't bad.

Rovers scored a shock win on Saturday thanks mainly to Junior (too good for us) Hoilett bagging a belter. 3 more wins and I reckon we might be OK. Tottenham away on Saturday so that should be an easy one. The main decision is whether to go for the early bird discount on next seasons season ticket. Seemingly 7 people have renewed already!

Just realised I've not got any pictures for this week. I'll have to make up for for it next time.