I was in a conversation with a friend a few days ago in which we were discussing the desire we both had to “upgrade” our lives.

We both expressed how we felt a dissatisfaction with the current quality of our lives. We wanted better and knew deep-down that we could have better.

It was quite an enjoyable conversation that confirmed much for me. It got me to thinking deeper about the whole process of self-growth and personal evolutionary progress.

But the question “Where do you start?” kept popping into my head as I thought about the things we both said. There is a lot in my life that needs to change if I want to get where I dream of going. Looking at the “mountain of change” required in my life, things can get fairly overwhelming rather quickly.

So I decided to sit with that question for a while and eventually came up with what I think is a good place to start. A place called “Silence”.

Stop and think about how much of your life is filled with noise. Have you noticed that you can’t go into any store or restaurant without some kind of music playing.

Do you drive to and from work with the radio on in your car?

Do you have the TV going or radio playing in the background as you do your daily chores?

Why do you think that is?

What is so fascinating to me is how we carry our distractions with us everywhere we go. Just watch how people are controlled by their cell phones or iPods. It is as if we are terrified of that one moment of silence that might creep into our lives. Or we fear that our lives would fall apart if we missed that one text message or tweet that might change things forever.

What we fail to realize is that it’s from the silent places that deep, positive change springs. It’s the silence that allows us to hear that still small voice that guides us with the wisdom needed for us to move upwards in our lives.

Sure, silence is scary because it’s in the silent places that we truly see what is out-of-sorts in our lives. But it is also in the silent places we learn how to fix what is broken. Silence can be your best friend, if you’ll only make a place for it.

A few posts ago I talked about the need to renew. But there is also a great need for solitude in our lives.

It’s in solitude and silence that we hear from our authentic selves. We open the door to wisdom and insight. We dream unrestrained by the expectations and demands of others.

As we discover the wisdom that only comes from silence, we can see a pathway up the mountain of change. We can plan our steps and make our way.

In silence we discover that the Universe is benevolent and not a vicious enemy plotting our destruction. We discover that we don’t have to grasp with greed, rather we can give with generosity.

So many are terrified by silence, because they have never attempted to experience it. They are afraid of what they might discover about themselves. But silence is a friend whose insights are painful only for the briefest of moments, but whose encouragements and blessings last for a lifetime.

If you want to grow in your life. If you long for positive change and to experience the dreams of your heart, that I believe that the best place to start is by getting acquainted with silence.

How have you let the power of silence into your life? In what ways do you treasure it or do you run from it? I’d like to hear about your experiences. Leave a comment below.

Photo Credit: flickr user infandum

The other day I tweeted out a post titled “How to Write a Twelve Minute Blog Post.” As a result a brief twitter exchange occurred between the author, Becky Robinson, and me.

During the exchange she asked me what I thought about the post and if I thought it would work as a consistent thing.

My response was that it probably wouldn’t work for me, but for others it probably would work well. At the time I was thinking along a different track, but later in the day I began to re-think my original answer to her. I realized that I completely wrote off the idea for me as un-workable, but I hadn’t even tried to write a twelve minute post — ever. So how did I know it wouldn’t work for me?

Oops. Writing off an idea because I “think” it won’t work isn’t a good way to live. Doing that could cause me to miss out on all sorts of opportunities. So I decided to experiment and I’m using this post as my “guinea pig”. I’m already into it by 5 minutes.

Of course this got me to thinking about experimentation and it’s benefits. So here are a few thoughts.

1. Experimentation is the only way to verify the truth or falsehood of an assertion or belief.

   Living by your assumptions is a real mistake. When you live by an assumption you limit your power, your insight and your dreams. You don’t live by knowledge, you live by guesses. Guessing your way through life is a great way to create disaster and chaos. (10 minutes)

2. Experimentation keeps life interesting.

   One of the biggest problems those of us in modern society suffer from is boredom. We have built a huge “entertainment industry” because we are so bored with ordinary life. By experimenting with our ideas, we entertain ourselves without having to rely on external stimulus. To me this is a much better way to live. (11minutes, 30 seconds)

3. Experimenttation is the best way to understand and expand your limits.

   Do you want to find what your true limits are? Do you want to learn how to break through them? The quickest, most efficient way to do that is through experimentation. By testing and pushing your personal limits, you expand and grow as a human being. You make your life better by taking action even if your experiment fails, because you will always learn something in the process. (15 minutes)

So right now I’ve learned that a 12 minute post isn’t quite doable for me, because I experimented and failed. But I do know that a post doesn’t have to take me two hours to write. I can write one in about 20 minutes. That’s a piece of information that I can rely on. I now know my limits and can work to broaden them.

Who knows? I might even be able to improve and get my blogging time down to 12 minutes some day in the future. I won’t know that until I experiment some more. (19 minutes)

What have you assumed about yourself that you haven’t questioned and experimented with? How would you experiment with that idea to see if it’s true or not? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Photo credit: flickr user jurvetson

So I’m still thinking a lot about choices.

I believe that the ability to choose is a very good thing. It allows us to build our lives as we see fit. It empowers. With it we can learn, expand, grow and ultimately we can become better human beings.

However, the blessings of choice do not come without a cost.

If I choose one option over another, then the one I didn’t choose ceases to exist. What if I make the wrong choice? What if the choice I make turns out to have consequences I didn’t foresee? What if I discover that there was a better choice that I somehow missed?

When I make a choice, I become responsible for that choice. That fact can, at times, be overwhelming and downright terrifying.

So what do we do when faced with one of those choices that strike terror in our hearts? How do we handle the overwhelming realization that we have the power to choose and within that power lies both the potential for glory and the potential for destruction?

There are four ways in which we can approach a particular choice. Let’s take a minute and examine each one and see which is the best way to deal with any specific choice we might face.

1. We can avoid or evade it.

   This is actually nothing more than the path of least resistance. It’s the Scarlett O’Hara approach to life — “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” It’s living by default.

   This may appear to be the easiest way to deal with a choice, but it is also the most disempowering and destructive.

   I’ve said this before. When we avoid or evade a choice, then someone else will make it for us and that person may not have our best interests in mind.

   Avoiding or evading a choice pretty much guarantees that we’ll miss out on building and living the life we truly want.

2. We can rely on experts.

   This approach is a little better than living by default. At least it involves some action on our part. We’re not just letting things happen.

   The problem with this approach is that it still disempowers us. It relies on solely external sources and thus we give our personal power away to someone else.

   Certainly there are times when we need additional information to make a good choice. At those times it’s important to seek out advice or information from those more experienced than we are. But to rely solely on their advice or dictates, is to live someone else’s life not our own.

3. We can go with our gut.

   A lot of people take this option. It’s called flying by the seat of your pants. It’s doing what feels right and sometimes that’s simply the best we can do.

   I don’t believe, however, that this option should have supremacy. It leaves too much up to chance.

   In a world full of hurricanes, earthquakes, tornados, tidal waves and many other disastrous acts of destruction, do you really want to take a route that relies solely upon random chance?

   I realize that sometimes taking a shot in the dark is the only option we have. We don’t have enough information and the choice needs to be made immediately. But these situations are much rarer than we’d like to think. I believe that there is a better way to approach choice than simply closing our eyes and throwing the dart.

4. We seek advice, wisdom and use our own power of rational thought.

   To me, when possible, this is always the best approach to take when faced with a choice.

   This approach preserves our autonomy. It allows for the fact that we may not have all the facts or information we need. It reduces the influence of random chance. It is the diametrical opposite of living by default.

   This is the hardest, yet most rewarding of all the approaches to choice. It’s hard because it doesn’t remove the responsibility of making a poor choice. Yet it is the most rewarding when we make a good life-enhancing choice.

   This choice will alway be the one that enhances our self confidence, even when we make a choice that didn’t work out as we planned. That’s because we made the effort to do the best we possibly could do and we can learn from our mistakes. This allows us to hold our head up high and know that we didn’t run from what was difficult.

The power of choice is an awesome power. With it you can build the life of your dreams. Abdicate it and you’ll be relegated to a life of drudgery, victimization and dull grayness. Don’t let that become your reality. Exercise your right and ability to choose.

How have you exercised your right to choose? What process do you use to make a difficult choice? When are you most tempted to give up your power of choice? I’d like to hear your thoughts. You can leave them in the comment section below.

Photo Credit: flickr user ell brown

A few days a go while following a link someone tweeted, I tripped across a blog post that got me to thinking about the choices we make.

The article was written by an artist. We’ll call her Maggie. I don’t really want to promote her because I don’t know her. I only want to focus on the content of her article.

The article centered around the fact that Facebook shut down her account.

Apparently she posted a nude photograph of herself and a female model in a sexual embrace. She said that it was a photo she had taken for reference purposes for a painting she was going to do.

The article was respectful, well written, and avoided any kind of rant. It was, however, an attempt to both complain about Facebook’s action and rationalize her decision to post the photo, even though she was aware of Facebook’s terms of service against posting nudity on their site.

What stimulated my thoughts, though, was not so much her post, but the comments at the end of her post.

As you can guess, they were split. Her defenders were outraged at Facebook’s action and accused Facebook of censoring her work. Some ranted, some even used “fascist” to describe the action of suspending her account.

Her detractors, on the other hand, raged about her audacity at posting a nude photo containing lesbian content.

She rationalized her action stating that it was her responsibility as an artist to always “push the envelope” and so she posted the photo in order to do so.

Now, let me be clear. Personally, I could care less about any of the controversy. It’s none of my business, and I won’t comment on the rightness or wrongness of any of it.

What I do want to comment on is what the whole business reveals about life and what we must pay attention to, if we are going to live well.

As I read through both Maggie’s rationalization and the resultant set of arguments made by both supporters and detractors, I noticed that not one person addressed an issue that was fundamental to the whole incident.

I noticed that no one addressed the fact that choices were made by both Maggie and Facebook and that those choices had serious consequences.

For Maggie the consequences were that her site was shut down and she was forbidden any kind of access to it.

For Facebook the consequences were that they opened themselves to vitriolic rhetoric and the possibility of damage to their reputation.

We are faced with choices everyday. Some are minor and of little consequence. What shall I wear today? Shall I have eggs or cereal for breakfast? Coffee or tea?

Other choices, however, can have major impact in our lives. Should I go see the doctor about a possible indication of cancer? Should I quit my job and start a business? Should I marry this person I seem to be in love with?

Choices, good or bad, all have consequences.

Maggie’s post, to me, was an attempt to rationalize away the consequences of her action. After all according to her she was just doing what every artist must do — push the envelope.

This was actually nothing more than an attempt to shift blame onto Facebook while justifying her violation of their terms of service.

As long as she continues to rationalize away the consequences of her own choice, she will never learn new and more effective ways impact the world around her.

Her commenters went even further by avoiding the issue of choice completely. Neither her supporters or detractors acknowledged the fact that she made a choice. Conscious or not, she still made a choice.

When you refuse to see that consequences are tied directly to your choices, you set yourself up for continual disaster in your life.

If we avoid making choices, then choices get made for us. If we refuse to think about the choices we make, then wrong choices will get made and problem after problem will assail us.

Facebook, on the other hand, made a choice way before the controversy occurred, and that choice tied their hands. Essentially, they created a terms of service agreement at the beginning that states that they will not tolerate nudity on anyone’s Facebook page.

They must now live with that decision otherwise they would have to make exceptions for everyone. Their choice early on forced their choice to shut down Maggie’s site.

Yes, choices have consequences. Fortunately, we have the ability to think about our choices. To process as much information as we can gather. To seek wisdom from others, and consider our resultant actions.

Because of the power to choose, we can plan out and build a life that works for us in spite of unforeseen bumps in the road.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What do you think? How do you go about making choices in your life? What has worked for you? What hasn’t? Share your thoughts in the comment section below. I’d love to hear them.

Photo Credit: flickr user ponchosquealº

Right now I’m buried in computer code, books and articles about how to program the Mac, iPhone and iPad.

I’ve been programming in the Windows world for a number of years. I know C, C++ and a number of scripting languages. I’ve been quite comfortable with my programming knowledge, but most all of my experience has been database and business related. So when I took on a project with a friend of mine to program an iPhone game, I was surprised at the amount of things I didn’t know and had to learn.

Things like programming for animation, collision detection, sprites and sprite sheets, game design, the use of sound, changing game conditions as the player gains experience, etc.

This has been quite a challenge and has stretched me a lot as a programmer and, believe it or not, as a person. I’ve had to think in new directions, take on new information, integrate it with existing knowledge, and acquire new skills.

It’s actually been quite fun.

Which brings me to my point. Learning new things can be one of the most effective ways to grow as a person.

I’ve often wondered why the effort to learn new things often stops after one graduates from high school or college and “get’s a real job.”

Part of me understands. After 16 or more years of sitting in a classroom being forced to focus your attention on things that do not interest you and being compared with everyone else in the room, motivation to learn something new can be difficult to come by.

I think it’s helpful to every once-in-a-while remind ourselves of the value of learning new things.

Learning keeps life interesting. It colors our world. It helps broaden our perspectives. It makes us more rounded human beings. It can make us more compassionate, wise and grounded.

The more we learn, the better we are able to handle the challenges that life puts in our path. Learning helps us become more creative and effective.

So below I’ve listed a few suggestions that can help you adopt a “learning lifestyle.”

1. Get curious

   Remember when you were a little kid? Remember how you used to bug your parents with question after question? Why is the sky blue? Who made God? Why do we live in houses? What’s the moon made of? Are we there yet?

   Kids are naturally curious. Yet curiosity seems to die down as we grow older. Don’t let that happen to you. Begin asking questions again. It’s OK to ask questions. It’s how we learn.

   Who cares if somebody thinks your ignorant? Ignorance is cured by curiosity. The real truth is that the person who thinks your ignorant is probably just projecting his own issues on to you anyway.

   Value curiosity. Ask questions. Live enthusiastically within the juicy realm of “What if?” and “Why?” It’s lots of fun.

2. Go to the Library

   I love the library. It’s full of information, and ideas. There I can find answers to my questions, as well as springboards to new questions and ideas. The Library is a fountain of opportunity for learning.

   Browse the non-fiction section without looking for anything specific. See what jumps out at you. History? Philosophy? Biology? Physics? Math? Gardening? Crafting? Writing? Biography? Walking into the library is like walking into a gigantic treasure chest. There’s no telling what gems of knowledge and wisdom you’ll find.

3. Seek out other perspectives

It seems, today, that everyone is talking and few are listening. Social media seems full of broadcasting and light on conversation. Politics seems to be more about two idealistic camps screaming at each other. Everybody has an opinion and seems to be shouting it out as loudly as possible.

Try something new. Listen for a change. Instead of sharing your opinion, listen to someone else’s. The best way to expand your perspective and gain wisdom is to listen to those who know more than you do. Seek them out and then pay attention. Don’t argue, just listen. You’ll be surprised at what you can learn.

4. Spend time in contemplation and evaluation

   One of the most valuable ways to assimilate all your new learning is to take time to contemplate your knew knowledge.

   What did you just learn? Does it apply to your life? If so, how? What benefits does it give? What warnings do you need to pay attention to? What mistakes will it help you avoid? What good things will it produce if followed?

   Don’t just accumulate knowledge. Evaluate it. Think about it. Absorb it. Apply it.

Fundamentally it’s in all of our hearts to enjoy the life we have and to improve it so that we can experience the fullness it offers. I’ve found that one of the best ways to fill our lives with great joy and abundance is to never let go of learning new things.

What about you? What things fascinate you? What are you learning right now in your life? What would you like to learn? I’d like to hear some of your ideas and experiences. Let me know in the comments section below.

Photo Credit: flickr user krossbow

OK. So you agree that you need to take time in your life for renewal. You want to take time in your life for renewal. But you look at your life and in frustration, throw up your hands and say, “When?”

I get that. You have family obligations, work obligations, personal obligations, and a lot of chaos demanding your attention all the time.

You may not be able to take a whole day out of your schedule for renewal. That’s alright. Start with an hour. Do something. Because if you do not take care of yourself, then you will rapidly run out of the energy needed to take care your other obligations.

You need to make time for renewal a priority.

The question is, how do you do that when you are surrounded by chaos?

Here’s a few suggestions:

1. Plan for it

   It’s amazing how often we make plans for everything except for what we truly need. We plan our day, our career, our weekend, our vacation, our family, our meals, but never make plans for real renewal in our lives.

   Chaos reigns when we fail to plan.

   Nature abhors a vacuum and when there is no plan to follow, nature will fill your life with randomness. Sometimes the experience will be positive (there is a place for some spontaneity in life), and sometimes not so positive.

   But when you take time to make a plan, you usually can accomplish it with a bit of follow-through. Sure sometimes the best laid plans go haywire, but without a plan haywire is almost a guarantee.

   Renewal time needs to be worked into your week and the best way to do that is to plan for it.

2. Negotiate for it.

   I get that you have family. You have others in your life that demand attention. If you’ve planned for it and still don’t have it the chances are that you don’t have it because you haven’t asked for it.

   People get wrapped up in their own lives. Even people who love you very much have a tendency to focus on their own particular chaos. As a result they miss the fact that you’re exhausted and that you need renewal time.

   Ask for what you want. You might not be able to get a whole day, but ask for it anyway. You might get surprised.

   If you can’t get a whole day, ask for half a day.

   The point is that you won’t get any renewal time until you ask for it. Help your family and friends to understand your need for down time.

   You don’t have to feel guilty. Sure, it might look like you’re being selfish, but this kind of selfishness is necessary so you can continue to give you’re best to those you care about.

   Renewal allows you to refill your reservoirs of compassion and strengthens you to continue to be the awesome person you are.

   So ask and ask boldly.

3. When you enter renewal time, don’t do anything except rest (however, that looks to you).

   Keep in mind renewal doesn’t necessarily mean staying in bed all day. In some rare cases it could, but it also means engaging in things that matter to you without the pressure to “perform”.

   I find that some of my most renewing moments come from reading a novel, or playing a game, conversing with someone I haven’t talked with in a while, or taking a long walk.

   Sometimes it can be something as simple as sitting alone savoring the taste of a hot cup of green tea.

   Whatever engages you, fills you with pleasure and allows you to be without the demand of “being on” can be a source of renewal.

   It may take a bit of experimentation to find what really “fills your cup” but that’s OK. As long as you move away from thinking about duty and performance. Do what your heart dictates at the moment. Listen to your true self, not your demanding, performing self.

   Rest.

4. Kill anybody that interrupts you.

   OK, I’m just kidding about that part.

   But it is very important that once you start this process that you set a firm boundary. Do not let your renewal time be stolen from you by the demands and pressures of others.

   Gently remind them of your commitment to renewal and their commitment to support you.

   It will take a while to convince others and that little voice that you are serious. They will always have a crises you “need” to address right now. Establishing a boundary and remaining gently firm about it will eventually convince them of your earnestness.

   You don’t need to solve their problems right now. They will figure out what to do.

   Eventually, if you hold to a consistent boundary, you will see an end to the demands that come on your renewal day.

Just some thoughts that might help you establish your day of renewal. Whether you find them helpful or not, don’t ignore renewal time. It’s vital for you. It’s just as vital as the active pursuit of your dreams.

How do you go about establishing renewal time in your life? Got any other suggestions or ideas? I’m interested in hearing your thoughts. You can leave them in the comment section below.

Photo Credit: flickr user katerha

If you follow me on Twitter (@dapancost), you’ve probably noticed that I don’t do a lot of tweeting on Saturdays and Sundays.

Saturdays I reserve for handling weekly chores and other necessities, while Sunday I reserve for doing absolutely nothing but what I want to do. Sunday is my day of renewal.

From ancient times the Jewish people honored a Sabbath day where no work was done and it was considered a day to honor God and to rest.

Other cultures have periods of time when rest is given ultimate priority. Mexican siestas might come to mind.

The concept of renewal and rest is one that is vital to a healthy, happy life. Yet in this day and age, in our consumerist driven culture, it is a concept that is often ignored to our ultimate detriment.

When was the last time you simply stayed in bed until you actually wanted to get up? Or put on your comfy clothes and sat in your favorite recliner and read a novel? Or spent hours just basking in soothing music? Or did what I did this last Sunday and spent hours playing a silly Facebook game (yes, I know, I’m doomed)?

When was the last time you gave yourself permission to just be lazy?

Here are four reasons why renewal is so important and shouldn’t be left out of your life:

1. Putting things aside for a small period of time allows the sub-conscious mind to work on it’s own priorities.

   Have you ever been in a situation where no matter how much you thought or worried you couldn’t come up with a solution to a problem? But once you put it aside in a little while the answer just popped into your head?

   This is because you gave the subconscious mind time and “space” to work out the problem.

   Giving yourself a consistent time for renewal will allow your never resting subconscious mind to work for you not against you.

2. Renewal, re-energizes the body so you can work effectively the other 6 days of the week.

   I know. The success guru’s encourage you to work, work, work and put in all the extra hours you have to in order to reach your goals.

   Question: What good does it do to reach your goals only to have a broken-down, unhealthy body that simply can’t enjoy them?

   Part of living your dream is to live your dream, not watch it pass you by in a sick, exhausted body.

   Let yourself rest. It’s just as vital to do that as it is to discipline yourself to act when necessary.

3. Unplugging allows you to connect with the real world expanding your perspective so you have more to give when you re-connect.

   Too many of us spend too much time in front of the computer, or connected to our iPhones. We constantly interrupt our lives in order to check the dead text of an email or text message, or a tweet, yet miss out on the beauty of the life that currently surrounds us.

   Though I don’t normally enjoy rainfall (there’s too much of it here in the Pacific Nortwest), the other day I woke up to the sound of rain falling on our roof. I just laid there in bed for a few extra minutes enjoying the rhythmic sound.

   When I did get up I felt a deep refreshing I hadn’t felt in a while.

   Put up the virtual, and engage in real life once-in-a-while. It’s worth it. Really.

4. Down time allows you to get in touch with and honor your self – a must in this day and age where everyone demands your attention.

Everyone does demand your attention. Kids, spouses, employers, politicians, and marketers. It sometimes feels like your standing in front of a large room of over-active children all screaming “Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!”

It’s enough to make you scream back, “Go away! Go away! Go away!”

Renewal time is specifically designed to be a pressure-release-valve to help you cope with the attention seekers

You need to take care of yourself, and renewal is a huge contributor to that. What are some of the ways you handle renewal time? What kind of things do you do to unplug and renew? I’d like to hear your ideas, so let me know in the comment section below.

On Tuesday I’ll address some ways in which you can begin to build renewal time into your life.

Photo Credit: flickr user ShutterBugChef