I certainly am having fun making up captions for these pictures…

“Great news guys. Every single one of these icicles on this planet contains a beautiful girl! And with any luck, none of them will speak English!”

“Now Bernie, remember when we had that argument about what color you mean when you call someone ginger? THIS is ginger!”

“I don’t know… Maybe… Maybe somewhere on this planet lives a man so horrible that all these women’s hearts turned to ice and froze them like this, forever! Maybe that man is me. I’m not perfect. She does look a little familiar.”

ICE CITY of the GORGON
by RICHARD S. SHAVER and CHESTER S. GEIER

* Search for Shudder Pulps on eBay *

The Stats

Since I started this blog in 2008, there have been over 460,000 page views by over 230,000 unique visitors. In that time, I’ve posted 419 items, which makes for a little over 2.5 posts per week. I think that’s pretty good. Here is a graph of visitors for 2011 (traffic numbers shown here are visitors per day):

Some things you might notice:

• Halloween is the time when all the spooky ones come out and visit my site. Thank all of you. You’re beautiful. Each and every one of you.
• See that dramatic dip in February? Dark in the Dark got hacked with a WordPress “pharma” hack, and it was the sort of hack that gets a blog de-indexed by Google. After I cleaned up the site, it took a couple of weeks to recover.
• As you can see, my traffic has still not fully recovered to pre-hack levels. I’m not sure if that’s because of the lingering effects of the hack, or if the famed Google Panda update (which happened at the same time) kicked my blog in the crown jewels. We shall never know.

A map of where all you beautiful crazy people live. 40% of you are in the United States. The U.K. comes in second with 10% of all visitors. After that, the most visitors come from: Canada, Brazil, and Australia.

The most popular page on Dark in the Dark, even more popular than the home page, is my Internet Shrine to the lovely, mysterious, and terrifying Other Mother. This page garners 11% of all pageviews, with the home page clocking in at 5% of all pageviews.

Favorite Reads from 2011

As usual, my favorite reads are books published in different years.
The Sad Tale of the Brothers Grossbart by Jesse Bullington (2009)
Infernal Devices by KW Jeter (1987)
Anno Dracula by Kim Newman (1992)

Favorite Book Actually from 2011

Harbor by John Ajvide Lindqvist

Most Deserved Thrashing Given in 2011

After I published this review, I got an email sincerely thanking me for my honesty. I also got a damage control note from the author. The review: Jason Dark Dime Novels by Guido Henkel

Makes Me All Itchy and Scratchy

But only in the best of ways: Gail Carriger’s Parasol Protectorate Series.

Favorite 2011 Albums

I haven’t actually reviewed it here yet, but my favorite album from 2011 is Chickens by Orion Rigel Dommisse.
Favorite not-2011 album: Welt by Ohgr (2001)

Favorite Vintage Photo of 2011

Vintage photo albums were something new I tried in 2011 and they have been a great success.

Treasurer’s Report

$137.41 is all the crazy cash I raked in, from December 7, 2010 to December 6, 2011. I’ve never seen stats on how much anybody makes from their blogs, so here it is. This total is mostly the result of book sales on Amazon. So if you’re ever thinking to yourself, “Gee! I keep hearing that book review bloggers get all the babes and rake in tons of dough.” You should probably start a blog where you review expensive kitchen toys instead, or find better ways to monetize your blog than I have (or get much more popular). So what’s the point of all this?

1. It’s about the love, really.
2. You guys, the ones who won’t click my links when you buy the books I review? You can relax, because you’re not in any danger of spoiling me or making me feel like I’m made of sparkle dust and righteous shoes.
3. Book bloggers do get all the babes, or at least this one does. You know, the ones with snakes for hair, multiple arms, and human skull necklaces? Those ladies.

And Finally

It is all about the love. Here’s looking forward to 2012. My flying monkey army and I hope to see more of you there.

If you live in or around Portland, Oregon, there is a series of silent films paired with live music which is happening at the Hollywood Theatre. I saw Murnau’s FAUST with the 1939 Ensemble there a few weeks ago and loved it. Next up in the series is Tod Browning’s THE UNKNOWN (1927) with music by Subterranean Howl. Silent film! Lon Chaney Sr.! Joan F’ing Crawford! Tod Browning!
Thursday, Dec 15, 2011 8:00 PM
More info here: Filmusik – Hollywood Theatre

Speaking of a couple of weeks ago, there is more cool Miskatonic gear by Propnomicon up for sale on eBay.

Last, but not least, POLA NEGRI (1925) Auction Here Compare to this photo.

This is your disguise to infiltrate the retinue of the mad vizer Halit Ali Mustafa. To be successful in this disguise, you must be able to traverse this room without touching the floor. (Auction Here – Ends 12/6)

This is your disguise for wrestling the legendary Kolkov’s stratagem from Dr. Leonid Morrow, who refuses to play with human beings in order to keep it secret. (Auction Here – Ends 12/7)

This is your disguise to hide among the graceful but horribly violent tinsel tree people of Beta Centuari. (Auction Here – Ends 12/7)

This is your disguise to penetrate the fortress of Dr. Yen Wan and assassinate the British turncoat, Sir Julian Wimplebottom. (Auction Here – Ends 12/28)

This is your disguise to impersonate famed tattooed lady Artoria Gibbons. (Auction Here – Ends 12/28)

Looks like one of the main goals of these red hooded secret society types in 1940 involved mummifying beautiful women. See here for a cover with almost the same subject. It took them four months to get her wrapped up, and it looks like Smith retired. His younger ex-pirate acolyte has taken the reins. Good luck to you, gentlemen.

GIRLS FOR
SATAN’S BIRDCAGE
FASCINATINGLY DIFFERENT
MYSTERY-TERROR NOVELETTE BY
HARRISON STORM

SPINE-TINGLING
MYSTERY NOVELETTE
BEWARE THE
BONELESS DEATH!
by WYATT BLASSINGAME

* Search for Shudder Pulps on eBay *

This is your disguise for an adventure on The Planet of the Deadly Golden Amazons. (Auction Here – Ends 12/7)

This is your disguise for your trip to the land of vampiric velvet furniture. (Auction Here – Ends 11/26)

Here is your disguise for the Russian leg of your race around the world in eighty days, circa 1890. (Auction Here – Ends 12/2)

Here is your disguise for infiltrating the warren of the Spoon Brides. Beware! (Auction Here – Ends 12/4)

This is your disguise and only hope for survival on the island of singing bellhops. (Auction Here – Ends 12/6)

This is your disguise for living among the polar werebears of Manchuria. Don’t forget to smear your face with seal blubber before disembarking. (Auction Here – Ends 12/6)

This is Valeska Suratt. Valeska Suratt! Please examine the furniture and don’t miss the busts and figures in the background. (Auction Here – Ends 12/4)

Ho. Ho. Ho. I LOVE the writing of Liz Williams, whose Detective Chen series I absolutely adore. My rat army has orders to pick up any Liz Williams novels they may find. 15% supernatural romance, 30% drug-induced fever dream, 10% science fiction and 60% dark fantasy, THE POISON MASTER schemes to bring freedom to a planet populated by humans but ruled by cruel trans-dimensional giant WTF insect things that don’t make any sense and I don’t know how else to explain what happens here. Hmmmmm. OK. How about this? A woman is forced to go on the lam and is subsequently pulled into a treacherous multi-world intrigue after she accidentally kills a rich divorcee with recreational hallucinatory drugs (that she happens to take a lot of herself, being an apothecary). With nowhere else to turn, she finds herself employed by the Poison Master, a rich assassin from another world who CLAIMS to want to overthrow the insect things. But can he be trusted? Did I mention that she’s helplessly attracted to this dangerous man? His daughter calls our heroine a “junky”. I’m not doing a good job of describing this book. It’s a good book!
The Poison Master by Liz Williams – 2003 – Bantam Books

While we’re on the subject of authors I’ve been reading lately, let’s talk about something by Mr. Kim Newman, author of Anno Dracula. Wonder what it would be like to read a book that followed the century-spanning lives of one of the older vampires from Anno Dracula? Our monster isn’t really a vampire that drinks blood so much as a vampire that finds sustenance in human terror and BAD DREAMS. This novel had: So. Much. Promise. Too bad the full last half of it was our protagonist’s experience of a bad dream created by this vampire to entrap and murder her. More like murder her with boredom. We read as she wanders through a hundred and some-odd pages of dreams that really should have been terrifying, considering the author and subject matter, but more closely resembled those dreams where you are looking for something but you can’t find it and everyone in the restaurant breaks into song and then suddenly you’re walking down a hallway looking for the bathroom but there’s a foot of water on the floor and you wonder if that’s water from the bathroom because if that’s the case then you might want to look for higher ground and here you are wearing your best shoes. Oh wait! Is that a character from that Pulitzer prize winning play? He knocks back a shot of whiskey and turns to the bar. He doesn’t know that his fiancee’s lover is about to march in with a gun, but suddenly it’s raining and the bridge is washed out. What were you looking for again? You can’t find it. Am I boring you yet? ZZZZZZZZZZZ. Somebody wake me up!
Bad Dreams by Kim Newman – 1990 – Carroll & Graf Publishers

Many thanks to TOR/FORGE for the review copy of The Haunting of Twentieth Century America.

Wow! What a lurid cover! Make sure you enlarge that baby to get the full effect. Another 1960s Corinth anthology of weird menace pulp fiction from the 1930s, DEATH’S LOVING ARMS AND OTHER TERROR TALES is entertaining, annoying, interesting, and wholly gratuitous. We have here five stories in total: “Death’s Loving Arms” by Hugh B. Cave, “Vampire Meat” by Frederick C. Painton, “Blood Magic” by G.T. Fleming-Roberts, “From Out the Shadows” by Frances Bragg Middleton, and “Village of the Dead” by Wyatt Blassingame. All of them have that pulpy fast-paced tough-guy prose and feature ready men who either save their damsels in distress or nearly fall victim to murderous exotic jungle ladies. Like your typical Scooby Doo mysteries, almost all reveal a mundane source for what seemed to be a supernatural mystery. Snoresville “Village of the Dead” wins the worst offender award for being ridiculously sexist and overtly racist in detailing the victimization of a crippled girl and her sister by some inbred bayou hicks. “Vampire Meat” wins best in show for being short but sweet with a mad scientist, high body count, and an ending that cries out for a cackling crypt keeper.
Death’s Loving Arms and Other Terror Tales – 1966 – Corinth Publications. This book is out of print and rare, but shows up on eBay from time to time. Search here.

The latest issue of RIPLEY’S BELIEVE IT OR NOT is in, and it is subtitled STRIKINGLY TRUE. All I have to say about this book is that there is a clown who puts fish hooks in his eye sockets and then uses them to pull his face all out of shape AND THE PICTURES WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. I love these books! Really I do.
Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! Strikingly True
– 2011 – Ripley Entertainment

One man’s desperate search for his lost daughter leads him to perform a dark piece of magic that simultaneously blinds him and makes him able to see the supernatural creatures and ghosts who live among us. The protagonist’s name, “Jeremiah Hunt,” speaks volumes and even sets expectations, doesn’t it? Yes, yes. A straight-up supernatural mystery novel, EYES TO SEE delivers the goods in a no-fuss no-muss manner. We have here the tough cop turning up the heat on our brave protagonist, the sensitive witch who is falling in love with him, and the mysterious Russian black marketeer who cannot help but become his trusty sidekick. All of them are working to solve the mystery behind a horrifying string of bizarre murders before it’s too late. Looking for a lightweight supernatural thriller to read in between all that serious literature you’ve been poring over? Look no further.
Eyes to See (The Jeremiah Hunt Chronicle) by Joseph Nassise – 2011 – Tor Books

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that Graham Annable was selling a book titled HIDDEN. If you are fan of Annable’s creepy short animations, and you’ve been holding off from picking up a copy of this marvelous little gem, wonder no longer – or continue to wonder NOW, because it’s sold out. Like his short films, the book is well illustrated, impeccably paced, and deliciously creepy.
Hidden by Graham Annable – 2011 - Kabinett (is that his own imprint?)

Many thanks to TOR/FORGE for review copy of Eyes to See. Also thanks for Ripley’s Entertainment for the review copy of Ripley’s Believe It or Not.

Regular readers will no doubt be familiar with the amazing Cthulhu mythos prop site Propnomicon, and if you’re not, now is the perfect day to acquaint yourself. In the past I’ve provided information about Propnomicon’s Kickstarter projects.

Recently, Propnomicon posted photos of a frankly shocking and ghastly parasitic worm specimen in a jar that they are selling on eBay. Click here for the post on Propnomicon. For the curious, more pictures and a short back-story can be seen here on eBay. I clicked the link and discovered that along with the parasitic worm prop they are also selling some of the cool badges and gear from past projects. So if you missed getting in on any of Propnomicon’s Kickstarter projects, it’s not too late to score some gear. My favorites are the Antarctic and Australian expedition patches. This is, by the way, a great way to support sites that are doing this very important work for the benefit of humankind. Check out Propnomicon’s stuff on eBay.

P.S. All photos here are by Propnomicon, who I hope won’t mind my including them here.

Just a very fast and dreadfully tardy public service announcement to any readers in Portland, Oregon that tonight at the Hollywood Theater there will be a showing of F.W. Murnau’s classic silent movie Faust (1926). In addition, the film will be accompanied by a live ensemble. Details are here.

“Yes. Yes.” You may say. “But silent films are such a bore.” Let me support you, dear reader, in that statement. Your humble servant has sat through more than a few awful silent films in his unnaturally long span on this planet. I’ve never seen Faust, but I did have the opportunity to see Murnau’s Nosferatu (1922) on the big screen long, long ago. I can still remember where I was when I saw it, it made such an impression on me. Let me also add that Faust is rated number 6 greatest horror film of all time on IMDB, just below John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982) and right above the aforementioned Nosferatu and William Friedkin’s The Exorcist (1973).

Here is a chance to see it on a big screen! With a live ensemble! I will be there.