One of the frustrating things about being an adult is not being able to schedule time for sex as easily as during one’s wilder years, whether it’s with or without another person. Ironically, the life of an adult who writes about sex for a living encounters the same frustration, with a dollop of professional guilt for seasoning.

Or maybe it’s just me.

I had literally slept next to the California Exotic Silly Rabbit for more than a month without a chance to do more than puzzle out its battery compartment and feel like a complete idiot when I finally figured out how to turn it off. (You hold the power button down for four seconds… just like it says on the packaging that I didn’t read carefully.)

But there came a time when the umpteen zillion AVN Award nominated porn DVDs that had hijacked my life had been judged accordingly. At long last, I was able to officially introduce myself to the Silly Rabbit.

The introduction went very well.

I’m not a size queen, but every now and then it’s nice to push my boundaries (if you will) and see what pleasures can be found there. The Silly Rabbit’s dimensions are nothing to laugh at, measuring an impressive 10 ¼-inches long from gently sloping G-spot tip to kinda frustrating to open battery case / control panel bottom. Only 5-inches of that actually slips out of view, but those 5-inches are an attention-getting 4 ¾-inches in circumference.

This is not a plausibly deniable toy, nor is it one that can be easily concealed in a purse.

What it is, however, is a powerful piece of sexual machinery.

With powerful vibrations available both at the top of the silicone shaft and in the wildly twitching Silly Rabbit ears clit tickler, there is good stimulation coverage. Add seven vibration, pulsation, and escalation options, three reversible shaft rotation speeds, and three rows of what the packaging assures are “non-jamming pleasure beads,” and there are worlds of possibilities to explore, especially since the rabbit and the shaft can be operated independently of one another.

As with any toy of this kind, the G-spot curve may not be perfect for every woman’s body, but finding the right depth and angle should be possible with experimentation. Likewise, the best positioning of the ears to the clitoral area craving stimulation. Remember, although the discovery of the clitoris has been a fabulous benefit to humanity, the area surrounding it can also be receptive to touch. The Silly Rabbit has the size and movement available to make a fair amount of flesh happy to be alive.

The Silly Rabbit, in spite of its whimsical name, takes its work very seriously. It possesses dual vibration; within the shaft and the wildly twitching bunny ears. It is neither the noisiest nor the quietest vibrator I’ve encountered, but given the power that it packs, I think it’s the soul of auditory discretion. The caveat with this kind of intensity is that extended use can lead to tired arms and numb hands, in which case alternating with another toy or form of stimulation is advised.

Naturally, the all-woman product development team recommended that the entire Silly collection be created in a gentle purple, because chicks dig purple (it’s a fact!). An easy-to-use push button control panel with illuminated LED lights shaped like little hearts makes it a simple matter for a helping hand to tease and tantalize those hard-to- reach places, even in minimal light.

Depending on where one makes a purchase, the Silly Rabbit can be a serious financial investment. Fortunately, those who enjoy a fuller feeling and strong stimulation will likely find this to be a sturdy and effective toy worth the money.

-– Exclusive review for CalExotics.com, by Darklady -–

Darklady’s Thumpday Potluck & Porn Night – Iron Man XXX

Find out why they really call him “Iron Man!”

Darklady knows it’s been too long since we potlucked and porned together. All of that changes this Thursday – hereafter known as “Thumpday” – with a double feature of Iron Man, starring Robert Downey Jr. and Iron Man XXX, starring the far more naked, Seth Gamble.

Bring your favorite beverage and/or potluck contributions to Darklady Estates and Wonderground, then enjoy comfy poly/non-monogamy & kink-friendly, pansexual snuggle, social and play areas stocked with safer sex supplies. Buy raffle tickets to win great prizes, including some classic-era adult videos on DVD.

Iron Man & Iron Man XXX
Ages 18 +
RSVP
(Past Club Wonderground members get a free raffle ticket)
(Iron Man-themed costumes earn a free raffle ticket)
(Food, hygiene & pet supply donations for Esther’s Pantry earn a free raffle ticket)
(Raffle proceeds will help finance dental care for Darklady)

Thursday, January 26
Doors Open at 7:00pm
First Feature Begins at 7:30pm
Second Feature Begins at 9:30pm

$15 individual, $20 duo, $25 trio
Darklady’s Wonderground
Portland, Oregon
ACCESSIBLE w/assistance for most mobility limitations

Iron Man – Wealthy and spoiled industrialist, Tony Stark, comes to realize that war really is hell and becomes a high tech warrior against injustice, all while breaking the heart of his stiletto-wearing assistant, Pepper Potts. 2008. 126 minutes.

Robert Downey Jr. totally gets me hot in this official Iron Man trailer.

“Iron Man XXX” – This explicit interpretation of the film draws upon comic book lore to prove its nerd cred and hot porn bodies to distract from anything non-canon. 2011. 115 minutes.

Check out the SFW YouTube Iron Man XXX trailer.

UPCOMING EVENTS
February – Something romance-related TBD

– Darklady
Darklady.com
www.dotxxxopposition.com
www.masturbate-a-thon.org
twitter.com/TheDarklady

Darklady’s “Party at the End of the Solar Year” Party

It’s a Non-Traditional Family New Year’s Eve!

Darklady knows she’s not the only one who’s had an “interesting” 2011. Good or bad, it’s time to see it leave so that 2012 can work its magic. Let’s gather for frivolity, remembrance, and fresh beginnings as we say goodbye to the old and welcome the new.

Bring your favorite beverage and/or potluck contributions to Darklady Estates and Wonderground, then enjoy eclectic socializing and comfy, GLBT, mono/non-monogamy & vanilla/kink-friendly pansexual snuggle and play areas stocked with safer sex supplies.

Write your sorrows on paper and send them up the chimney
Watch some of the best adult parodies of 2011
Wear red underwear for love & life improvements
Wear yellow underwear for employment & happiness
Wear green underwear for finances
Wear white for health

Indulge in turkey, ham, Jell-o shots & other potluck fare
Eat grapes & make wishes as midnight strikes
Toast the transition by making noise, hugging, kissing & singing Auld Lang Syne

$5/per warm 18+ year-old body
Saturday, December 31
Doors Open at 7:00 pm
Burning of the Bummers begins at 10:00 pm
2011 Goes the Hell Away at midnight
Darklady Throws Everyone’s Ass Out by 2:00 am

RSVP for address
Darklady Estates & Wonderground
Portland, Oregon
ACCESSIBLE w/assistance for most mobility limitations
Food, hygiene & pet supply donations for Esther’s Pantry always welcome

Call it Notte di San Silvestro, Oíche Chinn Bliana, Nochevieja, Hogmanay or New Year’s Eve, but celebrate!

– Darklady
www.darklady.com
www.dotxxxopposition.com
www.masturbate-a-thon.org
twitter.com/TheDarklady

Vibrators are being formed into so many creatively non-phallic shapes and colors that seeing one that looks like an actual penis is something of a surprise. The 10-Function Pure Skin Stud from California Exotic manages to look enough like the real thing for role play purposes but not so much so that it should rattle those who tend to shy away from them.

A defining word for the 10-Function Pure Skin Stud is “smooth.” The firm and sleek Pure Skin surface invites touch and investigation, although the silhouette is largely featureless. Unlike some lingam-sculpted toys, there are no hit-or-miss veins or contours, other than the circumcised head on one end and two petite, tight balls where the controller meets the controlled. Everything else is 6.75 x 2.25-inches of grabbable, squeezable, actually-feels-kinda-like-the-real-thing vibrational smoothness.

Another important difference from the more traditional “jelly” -style schlong is that there is little chance of sensitive tissues being irritated by toxic off-gassing. There is a light scent associated with the toy, but it is not unpleasant; kind of a delicate mixture of talcum powder and rubber. Because this delightful combination is also porous, it’s wise to use a condom with it when sharing.

One of the fabulous things about TPR is that is has a genuinely flesh-like texture. Since the 10-Function Pure Skin Stud has its motor in the head and a plastic spine in the base of the shaft – gripping the toy and giving it a light squeeze results in an almost startlingly realistic response from the Stud, as it shifts to accommodate the pressure… just like the real thing.

Unlike the real thing, the 10-Function Pure Skin Stud has an assortment of vibration patterns and intensities that are controlled with a simple touch of a button located in the small controller emerging like a thumb from the base. One button serves exclusively as an on/off toggle, while the other switches between 10 stimulation modes.

Because the motor is in the tip, which is also where the only texturing is located, the Stud has extra potential as a G-spot and prostate stimulator. More importantly for those who have a favorite vibration pattern, the controller has a memory chip installed that remembers where you left off last.

Something else nice about TPR is that it’s easy to clean. Some mild soap, some water, then towel it off or let it air dry. That means, of course, that the Stud is waterproof. Two AA batteries power the 10-Function Pure Skin Stud, which can be enjoyed in either Ivory or Brown.

-– Exclusive review for CalExotics.com, by Darklady -–

Darklady’s “Voodoo Tiki Lounge” Polyween Party at Angel’s

Darklady invites sex-positive humans, humanoids, and otherwise other creatures to her Voodoo Tiki Lounge Polyween party for a final post-Halloween opportunity to strut your strange stuff in sexy garb or clever costumes while indulging in a non-plausibly-deniable environment. Celebrate the many ways to express love and desire while getting your voodoo tiki on.

Bring a donation for Esther’s Pantry and/or wear your most outrageous costume for free raffle tickets and chances at randomly distributed prizes. Buy more tickets for more changes to win.

Friday, November 4, 2011
Ages 21+ only
8:00 pm – 4:00 am
Angel’s
3533 Southeast 39th Avenue
Main Level Fully Accessible
No Angel’s Membership Needed

Tiki Tunes & Holiday Inspired Adult Videos
L. Alan Arts Erotic Art Gallery
Body Painting by Lexxx FX, Photo Booth
Sexy Raffle, Buffet & Potluck
Hot Tubs, Lockers & Cloakroom

S/M Area & Labyrinthine Rubitorium
Massage Table, Monkey Rocker, Sybians
Naughty Barber & Barberella
Grope-a-Clown Box
More, More, More!

$10 – Female Identified
$25 – Male Identified (usually $60)
$40 – Triad/Trio

Costume, Fetish, Lounge or Beach Attire Strongly Encouraged
Work-scholarships available. Write for details.
Performer, product, service, and financial sponsorships of all kinds welcome.

– Darklady
www.Darklady.com
www.Masturbate-a-thon.org
twitter.com/TheDarklady

My first experience with the California Exotic Couture Collection transcend Flexing Massager was like a Dickensian novel; it was the best of times and it was the worst of times.

To be honest, I only have one complaint about the transcend – but it’s a major issue for me. I, however, am merely one person and my sexual responses and preferences are no one else’s, so if it isn’t an issue for you, this may be one of the best wand massager investments of the year or longer.

The transcend is another fabulously portable and plausibly deniable massager, so it’s perfect for home, office, and travel use. Although it can make audible noise as its vibrations become more intense, it is not the distracting and hard-to-explain battery rattle that traditional vibes can make. It’s more the steady and audible hum of a wand massager which, we must all remember, started out as a perfectly respectable muscle massager before women realized how good it is at relieving uniquely female tension.

Promotional literature emphatically assures that the transcend possesses “unrelenting power,” complete with an exclamation point. It does not lie.

And therein lies my previously mentioned issue.

I like unrelenting power in a wand-style massager and the transcend has the kind of unrelenting power that I like. Unfortunately, (for me), its “10 intense functions of vibration, pulsation, and escalation” and five speeds do not appear to include a steady vibration. You know, one that doesn’t go up and down the scale, making me think the batteries are dying.

What there is, I discovered, are two settings that hold a steady vibration for an extended period of time and, just as I begin to climax, begin to de-escalate.

Which is not what I want it to do when I begin to climax.

I can, however, see how that setting could be very exciting, whether one is playing a vanilla or kinky sex game. It just didn’t work for me, in large part because I didn’t know it was the closest I could get to a constant vibration.

Available in pink or purple and powered by four AA batteries, the controls for the transcend are four luminous pressure spots located on the bottom of the easy-to-grip handle. I found this convenient but confusing, because if the toy rotates during play it becomes difficult to find a desired sensation. Some kind of touchable landmark would help users know which button they are pushing.

The head and neck of this 7.25-inch x 2” waterproof massager are made from premium silicone and are phthalates free.

Although I obviously have issues with the apparent lack of a non-escalating setting (or how difficult to find it, if it exists) I highly recommend this massager to those who like powerful vibrations in a portable, battery-powered device.

-– Exclusive review for CalExotics.com, by Darklady -–

Darklady’s Oregon Theater “Pre-Halloween Threeway” Popcorn & Porn Night

A Halloween-Inspired Video Threeway

Darklady’s taking her show on the road and her porn to a bigger screen, just in time for some Halloween dress up and make out fun at the Oregon Theater. A snack bar, copious couches and love seats, a massage table, safer sex supplies, naughty giveaways, a raffle benefiting Esther’s Pantry, plenty of social space – and a new projector and sound system – await.

Bring a donation for Esther’s Pantry and receive a raffle ticket worth a chance to win a copy of Curse Eternal and other goodies. Attend in costume and receive a raffle ticket. Buy more tickets and earn more chances to win!

My Girlfriend is a Vampire! Curse Eternal, and Ejacula
Ages 18 +
Thursday, October 27
8:00 pm – 1:00 am

$10 per human adult (living, living dead, or undead)
The Oregon Theater
3530 SE Division
Portland, OR
8pm – 1am
Clothing Optional, Costumes Encouraged
Accessible (except for bathroom)

My Girlfriend is a Vampire: Boy meets girl. Boy & girl fall in love. Girl turns out to be vampire. Whoops! Bree Olson, Ava Rose, Evan Stone, Van Damage. 110 min. 2007.

Curse Eternal: Beautiful archeologist wakes up beautiful mummy who begins searching for her long-dead boyfriend. What could go wrong? Jessica Drake, Kaylani Lei, Randy Spears, Eric Masterson. 154 min. 2006.

Check out the YouTube trailer for Curse Eternal.

Ejacula: An 11 vampire orgy, Ron Jeremy as a horny hunchback, and an old Italian castle. What more could you want? Lynn LeMay, Ron Jeremy, Rocco Siffredi, Joey Silvera. 90 min. 1992.

UPCOMING EVENTS:
Friday Nov. 4: Darklady’s “Voodoo Tiki Lounge” Polyween at Angel’s

– Darklady
www.darklady.com
www.dotxxxopposition.com
www.masturbate-a-thon.org
twitter.com/TheDarklady

Those familiar with the original Mini-Miracle Massager will immediately identify this as a variant on that basic theme, with a couple of important differences.

Like the white and purple original, the translucent pink Pleasure Kit model has a removable 120 Volt AC charger – which I entirely forgot does not mean the two-speed vibrator can be used without the cord. It took me 24-hours to remember that it is not rechargeable just because the power cord can be unplugged from the handset.

Because of the convenient size and the fact it actually works great as a neck and shoulder massager, the Pleasure Kit is as travel-friendly and plausibly deniable as its inspiration. As is also the case with the original design, the Pleasure Kit is not advisably used when discretion is necessary. In other words; it’s loud – but it doesn’t rattle or make otherwise distracting noises. It’s a steady hum, but it’s a hum that can probably be heard on the other side of the door… in case that’s an issue.

The Pleasure Kit is sold in a clear, soft plastic box with a contoured storage tray. The box may or may not survive long, but the tray can be handy for keeping drawers and floors tidy.

A couple of paragraphs earlier, I observed that the Pleasure Kit has plausible deniability. I need to revisit that with a caveat: one of the two attachments that come with the massager would require some nimble thinking to explain away to someone who doesn’t really need to know what it is.

The short, rounded probe tip emerging from the side is self-explanatory, since it works well on a wide variety of muscle groups… but the pliable tongue? Yeah, that’s a little harder to explain away, but it sure is nice to use.

While the angled, spring-mounted head is Phthalate-free and the attachments are made from Thermoplastic Elastomers (TPE), the accompanying Instruction Booklet advises that “common sense” be employed during use – which it recommends last no longer than five – 20 minutes, which seems like a rather vague time span.

My favorite caution, however, reads “Do not fall asleep while using this product.”

Good advice, all – and a good electrical vibrator. Definitely a Darklady recommendation.

-– Exclusive review for CalExotics.com, by Darklady -–

phone whore
slut (r)evolution
two daring plays, one unstoppable woman

Her one-woman shows have been described as uplifting, brave, intelligent, and dark. Now is Portland’s chance to see both of Cameryn Moore’s award-winning plays over the course of two days. Choose one production or get a two-show pass for this one-woman theater festival that will shake you to your core.

Both shows take place at In Other Words, 14 NE Killingsworth St, in Portland; doors open at 7, and shows start at 7:30pm.

Tickets are $8 per show or $15 for a two-show pass. At the door, suggested donation for admission is $10 per show, or $18 for a two-show pass.

PHONE WHORE (a one-act play with frequent interruptions) plays Thursday, September 29,. Truth and taboo collide in this intimate, one-hour visit with a phone sex operator. Listen closely: she may change your views on sex forever. Followed by a Q&A with the artist, don’t miss it!

BEST FEMALE SOLO, 2010 SAN FRANCISCO FRINGE FESTIVAL
PICK OF THE FRINGE, 2011 VICTORIA FRINGE FESTIVAL
???? 1/2 – VICTORIA TIMES COLONIST
“… a challenging and entirely fascinating piece that demands a re-examination of taboo.”

SLUT (R)EVOLUTION plays Friday, Sept. 30. Part flashback, part memoir, part in-the-moment slut, this storytelling play explores some of the incendiary events in the artist’s very sexual life.

BEST OF FEST, Winnipeg 2011 Fringe

****************
Both shows are FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY (18+). Advance tickets are available at Brown Paper Tickets.

Cameryn Moore is a playwright, performer, comedian, educator, and yes, a phone sex operator. The 28-city Phone Whore/slut (r)evolution 2011 North American tour is supported by a long list of sponsors, including: New England Leather Alliance, Pleasure Paradox, Love Nest (Winnipeg), Center for Sex Positive Culture (Seattle), The Slutcracker (Boston), Fetlife.com, and Kink Academy. The tour is a fiscally sponsored project of the International Sex Workers Foundation for Arts, Culture, and Education, a 501(c)(3) non-profit, tax-exempt organization.

For more details about Cameryn Moore’s work and her 2011 tour, go to www.camerynmoore.com

Darklady’s “Ghostbusters XXX” Potluck & Porn Party

“Who Ya Gonna Call?”

Darklady gave a sneak preview of Hustler’s This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX a few months ago and the crowd went wild. It’s time to go wild again, this time while comparing the 1984 original to the 2011 sex parody. Insider’s tip: Ron Jeremy appears in both.

Bring your favorite beverage/potluck contribution and enjoy comfy, GLBTQ/kink/poly-friendly, clothing-optional snuggle, social, and play areas stocked with safer sex supplies for the inspired.

Ghostbusters & Ghostbusters XXX
Ages 21 +
Space is limited so RSVP to Darklady @ Darklady . com

Friday, September 16th
Doors Open at 7:00 pm
First Feature Begins at 7:30 pm

$10 individual, $15 duo, $20 trio
Darklady’s Wonderground
ACCESSIBLE w/assistance for most mobility limitations
Donations of canned goods & hygiene products will benefit Esther’s Pantry.
Door cost will help pay Darklady’s bankruptcy attorney.

Visit the 1984 Ghostbusters Official Website

Watch the This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX 3-D Trailer

Watch the This Ain’t Ghostbusters XXX Standard Trailer

UPCOMING EVENTS:
Th. September 29: Cameryn Moore’s “Phone Whore” at In Other Words
Fr. September 30: Cameryn Moore’s “Phone Whore” at In Other Words
November 5 (To be confirmed)(: Darklady’s Voodoo Tiki Polyween Party at Angel’s Social Club

– Darklady
www.darklady.com
www.dotxxxopposition.com
www.masturbate-a-thon.org
twitter.com/TheDarklady