Fast forward several years later:  At 20, I landed my dream job.  Ok, it was my dream job at the time. Hindsight is always 20-20. Right?  Anyway, I was working as a nursing assistant in a hospital. Assigned to the cardiac floor, I was the nurses’ right-hand woman. A good portion of the job was performing duties that I will not go into here – dirty work, if you will. It’s just not something you want to know. Trust me.  However, I also spent a lot of time interacting with patients. It was those interactions that left a lasting impression on me and taught me the skills I use in customer service (and life) today.

I worked the 3pm-11pm shift at the hospital. When I would first come on shift, I would make my rounds to check on the patients assigned to me.  One evening, I stepped into a patient’s room to see how she was doing. She was an elderly woman and was in the hospital for some testing. I was assigned to her room the evening before, so she remembered me.

We chatted for a few moments. Then, when I was about to leave, she took my hand and said, “I love you.” It was then that I realized she   thought I was her daughter or maybe her granddaughter.  I did the only thing I could think of, the only thing that made sense. I smiled back, squeezed her hand and told her,  I would be back later to check in. It was at that very moment I learned the true meaning of compassion.

Another interaction that sticks out clearly in my mind is when a patient, an elderly male, pushed his call button. Seeing the red beacon glowing above his hospital room door, I entered. “Can I help you?”, I asked. He looked me over and yelled, “Hell no! You’re just a kid. Get me someone that can really help me.”  I was 20, but I looked like I was 16. I think he thought I was a candy-striper there to bring him some magazines.

In any case, I stayed calm and replied, “Sir, I am here to help and qualified to do so. Please tell me how I can help and I’ll do what I can for you. If I need assistance, I promise, I will get a nurse to do so.” He finally relented. It was then I learned the art of patience.  Boy, did I need patience for that one!

Finally, there was a very nice elderly lady who had been in the hospital for about a week.  She was weak and had arthritis. So each evening I would go to her room to help her eat her dinner. We would have conversations. She mostly spoke about her children.  I once asked her how her dinner was, as I looked down at the pureed green beans and meat on her plate. She looked at me and without a beat responded, “It’s delicious.”  I didn’t disagree. I just listened. Sadly, she passed away a few days later. I am glad I was there to offer a listening ear during her final days.

While I am no longer in the health care industry, the job  provided me with some really important life lessons. Lessons I refer back to often  in both my personal and professional life, especially as it relates to helping customers day in and day out.

Do you know what the best lesson of all has been throughout my entire customer service journey?

The simple fact that I am able, by using my skills and lessons I’ve learned, to help a person and truly make a difference in their life.

Whether it be helping a patient eat, speaking with a non-profit volunteer about their dog or now by helping customers and clients with e-commerce transactions. The goal is the same. It’s always been the same and always will be.

Help people however I can, when I can and feel good about the work I’ve done at the end of the day.

At some point I lost my way with writing. Long story short: a journalism teacher gave me some tough love and harsh criticism.  I didn’t take it too well. I changed directions and started making video montages as a creative outlet instead. Think  Saturday Night Live meets Karoake Revolution.  The videos starred myself and friends acting like complete goof balls.  Luckily for me and more importantly for my friends, I did not retain the copies. A shame really, some of the videos were hilarious.

The point is, I exchanged one form of creativity, writing,  for another. It wasn’t until I was in my early 30′s that I found my way back to writing again. I realized I missed it sorely.

Faced with turning 40 in the next several years, I feel it within my gut that the time to take writing seriously is now. I’ve written a few stories over the last few years, but that’s really it. I need to write more. I need to write now.

A college professor said this to me not too long ago, “You know, anyone can become a J.K. Rowling. Just write as much as you can and practice, practice, practice.” My husband jumped on that train rather quickly and said to me, “Well, get to writing. Become the next J.K. Rowling so I don’t have to work anymore.”

Those are big shoes to fill. I don’t have any delusions of grandeur. I just want to write stories that move people to laugh, cry or inspire. If I get some recognition for my writing, awesome. But  for me, writing and having even one person read what I wrote and say, “Darlene, that really moved me”, that’s enough for me. Ah, who I am kidding. It’s enough for me, at least for now. Baby steps, right?

I have resolved to practice writing as often as possible. To help me, I’ve been relying on writing prompts and exercises. I am going to begin sharing some of the things I write as a result of the exercises here on my blog.

Writing is a part of me. I denied access to that part of me for a long time, due to fear and being extremely self-conscious.  It’s time to let all of those feelings go. I must now put my fingers to the keyboard and just write. That’s exactly what I am going to do.

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Note: So sorry for the background noise during one portion of the video!

Even though it has been days since the dream occurred, I can still feel the excitement I felt of seeing my grandfather again. In my dream, I had shouted, “Grandpa!” and gave him a big fat hug. In many ways, my grandfather was like a  father to me. When he passed away, it was very hard for not only me, but my entire family. He was the kind of guy everyone loved. He was kind, funny and cared about his family dearly.

He taught me many things growing up. In fact, he inspired me to follow two of my most greatest passions: gardening and entrepreneurship.

My first experience with gardening was with my grandfather. When I was about 7 years old, he asked me to help him plant marigolds, from seeds, around his home. Of course, I responded to him with an enthusiastic, “Yes!”

We set out on our gardening journey together. He would dig a hole, then I would kneel down and drop seeds into the hole with the precision of a surgeon. Marigold planting was serious business, don’t you know?  Every now and again, I would look up towards my grandfather and he would nod his head, as if to say, “Yes, you’ve got it!”.  Months later when the flowers began to grow, I was completely in awe.

As an adult, I am still in awe of flowers and nature. Every April, as the trees begin to bloom, I get excited.  I know it won’t be too long before I can start attending to my gardens again. Gardening and nature make me feel at peace, my grandfather has a lot to do with that.

My grandfather also owned a television repair shop.  When I was a young girl, my mother and I would visit him at his office. In one corner of his office was a high workman’s repair stool, the kind where the seat would spin.

Whenever we would enter my grandfather’s office, I would make mad dash straight for that chair. Perched up high, I would spin around and around; looking at my grandfather’s office with amazement and pride. I can remember thinking how cool it would be to be the boss, and run my own business just like my grandfather, some day. Many years later, the memories of visiting my grandfather at his business would came rushing back and inspire me to start a business of my own.

My grandfather passed away at 71 years old of colon cancer. Still far too young, as far as I am concerned. I try not to let his passing overshadow the wonderful memories I have of him.

He was many things to many people, for me he was like a dad and an amazing inspiration.

A lot of what I said had to do with my hopes and dreams. I would tell my mother what I wanted to be when I grew up – a doctor, a nurse, an entertainer,  a pediatric social worker, a writer, an English Lit. teacher, business owner, baker and the list goes on and on. My mother was (and still is) supportive of all of the things I’ve ever wanted to do and be.

However, as I grew older, I became more of an introvert when it came to sharing my hopes and dreams with people. In fact, there were some instances where reactions to my declarations were met with harsh criticism.  There was one time when I told a family friend, who was a nurse, that I wanted to be a nurse too. The response I received was, “Well, you’re grades aren’t really good enough. And it’s a lot of hard work.” I must have been about 12 or 13. Her words left me feeling deflated.

For a couple of years, I was undecided whether or not I wanted to become a nurse. That’s when I found writing. I loved everything about it and decided I wanted to become a writer. Then again, my hopes and dreams of becoming a writer were deflated by harsh criticism from a high school teacher. I was such a sensitive and dramatic girl.

At around 17 years old, I found my voice again. This time, it was an inner voice and it said, “Who the heck cares what everyone else thinks or says? You can take chances, do whatever you want and become whatever you want to be. You’ve been through so much in your life already. Are you really going to let people bring you down?” The answer was no.

I started taking chances and doing whatever the heck I wanted, within reason, of course. Well, ok. Sometimes my choices were pretty darn stupid. Like the time I decided to cut my own hair (see picture to the right). I practically chopped it all off. All.of.it. I was very close to going bald, thank god my mother was a hair stylist!  Go on, laugh. You’re allowed!  In the end, it was my choice. At the time, I actually liked it. Looking back now, I wonder what on earth was I thinking. I mean, wow. There are no words.

With regards to my future, I did enroll in college right after high school. Like many silly teenagers, I skipped a couple classes and didn’t really apply myself. Bad choice, of course. About 1 week into the semester, I took my first anatomy and physiology class.

And you know what? I LOVED it. It was then and there that I decided I wanted to take the steps needed to follow my dream of working in the medical field.

The thing is, I’ve always been someone that’s wanted results as quickly as possible. I left college (I returned many years later to pursue a degree) and went to school to become a medical assistant.

I was working at a hospital as a nurse’s assistant about 8 months later.  I followed my own path, believed in myself and and was happier for it.

Over the years, I’ve continued to make many choices and have taken chances. Many of them, knowing  full well that I was taking a chance on myself and the future. That’s the main takeaway here – take chances, for yourself and for your dreams. Don’t ever let anyone tell you can’t, because you can.

You may mess up (even cut all of your hair off, like I did). More importantly, you may very well realize you can do anything you want, with a little hard work and belief in yourself and your abilities.

In fact, being a mom is something I’ve wanted for the longest time. Having a family is something both my husband and I would love, more than anything in the world.

I have vivid dreams. From time to time, I’ll wake up from a special one. One where I am a mom. Usually I am holding our newborn baby girl (it’s always a girl), she’s beautiful. I am overwhelmed (in my dream) with love, amazement, affection and a feeling of protection I’ve never felt before. Whenever I wake up from these types of dreams, I simply want to curl back up in bed and fall back to sleep.  Wanting nothing more than to stay in that world with our newborn baby – with her smell, touch and tiny little feet.

Due to health reasons that would make it detrimental to my health and that of the unborn baby, I can’t become pregnant.   I wasn’t dealt an easy hand, but I have so many amazing things and people in my life; I am grateful for what I do have. There are other options for starting a family, of course. And we will explore them.

We have the future to look forward to. Our someday. Our family.

For now, I’ll cherish our family as I see it in my dreams and hope that in the near distant future I’ll look back and say, “Yeah, those dreams were nice. But the real thing is so much better.”

It’s a small price to pay, when you have a quarter. On the days where you reach into my pocket for a quarter only to come up with a receipt for that morning’s coffee (yeah, that’s where all the quarters went), convenient it’s anything but.

No quarter, no cart. An unhappy Darlene, does that make.

Of the times this has happened, a fellow shopper has offered me either their cart when they were done with it or a quarter, bless their kind soul. I always thanked them profusely and then went my merry way.

It’s because of those times, that I often find myself returning my cart at the end of my shopping trip and leaving the quarter in the lock – for the next person. It’s my way of “paying it forward” for all the times other shoppers have helped me. I like to think that karma has a way of leading the right person to the right cart at just the right time. I know it sounds so silly, all of this over a quarter, mind you.

Some days, when I am feeling cheap or just spent a boat load of money at the store, I’ll pop that sucker out of the cart and pocket it. Thinking to myself, “It’s mine!”

And you know what? I feel guilty. I try to talk myself out of the guilt too. It’s so crazy. I think, is my leaving a quarter in the cart really paying it forward? Does anyone really care about 25 cents? What is 25 cents worth nowadays anyway?

Today, I got the answer.

As I was loading my groceries into my car, the cold air stinging my cheeks, an elderly lady walked up to me. I noticed right away she had a quarter held steadfast in her hand.  She was waiting to give me her quarter in turn for my cart, because no carts were around. I finished my loading and pushed the cart towards her.

“Here you go,” I said.

“Thank you,” she replied, as she outstretched her hand towards mine, ready to give me her quarter.

“No, no. It’s ok. Keep it.”

“Really?!” she responded, shocked with a tinge of relief in her voice.

“Yes, really. You have a nice Sunday.”

“Thank you!” she said and went on her merry way.

It was then that I realized that while 25 cents might seem like such a small amount, 25 cents can mean a lot to someone that’s on a limited income or strapped for cash.

More importantly,  I learned that the cost of helping others and being kind cannot be measured in dollars. It’s seeing the smile on someone’s face that makes these small gestures worth it or in my case, imagining the smile on a fellow shopper’s face when they find the quarter in the cart, after searching their car high and low for one and coming up empty.

A quarter can be worth more than just 25 cents. In this case, it is.

When I was younger, my clumsiness was a result of some really bad choices. The good news? I learned many valuable lessons from said choices.

Lesson #1:
Never jump over your brother while he is doing a breakdance move called the “worm”. It will result in a busted chin and a scar to show for it many years later.   

Lesson #2
Never say yes, when your brother asks you this question:

“Hey, Darlene, want to see a cool new karate move I learned?”

Otherwise, it will result in a karate kick to the face. As well as, one black eye, a very upset mother and a seriously grounded brother.  If you happen to have dancing recital photos the next day, like I did, you will also have a photo momento to remember this “lesson”by. Oh yeah, this really happened.

That following summer, I also learned to stay out of my grandparents backyard when one of my brother’s screamed “Fore!” while swinging a golf club.  I don’t think I need to describe what happened next, now do I?

As years progressed, my choices did get better. But I still found myself tripping over my own two feet or simply just falling  - into friend’s houses (no, I was not drunk) or even in the parking lot of a corporate complex, second day on the job.

I have kept my friends and co-workers very amused throughout the years.

Because of my many coordination fails,  I learned one of the most valuable lessons in life. When you fall, get back up. Whether you fall flat on your kiester or have some sort of setback – assess the situation, cry for a bit if you need too, but always get back up.   And if you can’t, don’t be afraid to ask for help.

To me being happy is having a job that I enjoy, a support system that rocks and an outlet for my creative ability.

This blog, podcasting and writing are my creative outlets.

Balancing the professional side of my life with the creative side can sometimes prove difficult. Let’s face it, sometimes there just isn’t enough time to be creative. But in the grand scheme of things, I am finding little ways to make it work.

The take-home for you today is this – find the time to explore all the parts of life that make you happy; whether it is quiet moments watching your children laugh and play, preparing for your next big presentation or training for a 5K. Life is there for the taking, go out and take it.

Now, go on.

Why are you still here?

Do it!

Sitting on a shelf in a middle school in NJ is a yearbook. In that yearbook is a cheesy photo of myself and my shy male counterpart, Pawel, peeking out from behind a door, smiling ever so shyly.  The words, “Most Shyest” are emblazoned beneath our photo.

To this day, I am convinced Pawel wasn’t shy at all.  In fact, he had just moved to America from Poland, was in ESL and was just learning the English language.

I bet Pawel picked up that yearbook years later, glanced at the photo, shook his head and said, “Crazy Americans.” At least, that’s how I like to picture it.

For the most part, being shy doesn’t hinder me in any way. In fact, I’ve found unique ways to get around that awkwardness – mainly by taking the focus off of me and taking an authentic interest in the person before me.  That’s how I am able to be the host and producer of a podcast. And, how I approach customer service on a daily basis. Now my secret’s out!

If you get the chance to meet me in person, chances are I’ll be as quiet as a mouse, at first. In fact, you may have already experienced this firsthand. Don’t worry, once I warm up and become comfortable, you might not be able to shut me up.