But, I have tried to still email you back about your dating concerns…

Sadly though, I just checked my spam folder and found a ton of people who had dating concerns… Needless to say, if you emailed me and didn’t get a response yet, THIS is the reason why.

After my honeymoon, I will be sure to respond to all of these concerns!

My apologies.

Pastor Matt Chandler, you yell, you crack jokes that make me literally laugh out loud, and you tell it like it is!

I am getting married in two months and then I will be back! I miss writing…. BUT who says I can’t send a valuable resource your way?! My dear readers, I have learned so much the last year, some things very humbling for this so called blogger who dishes out dating advice. Once the initial infatuation and butterflies wears off, I’m not the best at relationships because of lies I’ve believed!! But I will share my adventures and misadventures to you all in a couple of months, in hopes that you can learn from my mistakes and misconceptions. I praise God for sending Nate into my life. He is truly truly teaching me what real love is all about.

Here’s the sermon!

This is a guest post by Letitflow.com.

It’s not just your regular girl or boy next door logging on to online dating sites in the hope of finding that special someone, celebrities too are using online dating sites to shun their Hollywood identities in favour of meeting everyday people.

Stars like actress and comedian Joan Rivers and Academy Award winner Halle Berry have confessed to browsing on online dating sites — and Rivers even posted an ad on the popular online dating site Match.com.

“I love smart men, funny men, elegant men,” Rivers’ profile reads.

“If I had to choose between Brad Pitt stripped to the waist or an old George Clooney in a dinner jacket, George would win hands down.”

Rivers’ profile also tells readers she is a comedian, interested in “coffee and conversation”, and includes a picture of the 76-year-old comic.

Even gorgeous Hollywood star Halle Berry has admitted to spending a lot of time in chat rooms, and to dabbling with online dating sites.

“I am never who I am,” Berry said of her experiences online.

“I have been to a couple of dating ones just to see what everybody is talking about. I chime in and say a little fun stuff.”

While it seems unimaginable that stars who attend A-list parties and could have almost anyone they wanted would want to have coffee with the average Joe or Jane, dating advisor to Date.com and Matchmaker.com, Shira Kallus, says some celebrities really just want to be normal.

“They can stop being celebrities and start being people,” she said. “Online dating lets people get to know you for what kind of person you are, not who you are.”

Founder of TheRomantic.com, Michael Webb, agreed.

“Celebrities are just like everyone else,” he said. “Unfortunately people can become captivated by the celebrity status and be attracted to them for the wrong reasons.”

With online dating, celebrities can try to develop a relationship based on their personality, not their stardom, Webb added.

And even the stars have dry spells just like everyone else. Rivers Cuomo, frontman of US rock band Weezer, signed up for an online dating service site after remaining celibate for two years, he told Rolling Stone magazine.

Last year, Luke Greenfield, director of the 2004 teen comedy The Girl Next Door, placed a profile on Jewish dating site JDate.

“I’m taking time off and I’m looking for a cool, sexy girl who’s sharp, fun, loving, and has great taste,” Greenfield’s profile read. He told readers he just bought a house and needs help decorating, and that those who don’t love movies need not apply.

However, when it comes to making a love connection, many still swear by “the real world”. Out of 2,000 people polled, only seven per cent believe computer-dating services work, according to a recent annual survey by romance-novel publisher Harlequin.

Unfortunately, Cuomo was one of online dating’s dissatisfied customers. After submitting his profile, he said the website responded: “We are sorry, but there is no one anywhere in the world that is appropriate for you.”

“So that was it, I gave up,” he said.

Like this post? See more like it at Letitflow.com – your one-click stop for all the latest news on celebrities, fashion, high-tech gadgets, luxury cars, exotic travel destinations, and much more!

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “fine”.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ . that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying GO TO HE#@!

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

Just wanted to share what seems like an interesting documentary, albeit controversial for the traditional girl that I am. What do you think folks? Could you find a “happily ever after” without marriage? Do you need to be the “best version of yourself” before you get married? What do you think about being single in your 30s? Did you get married because it’s what society expected of you at a certain age?

Seeking Happily Ever After

Yikes.

I’m upset at how businesses and venues and vendors PREY on brides-to-be.

At the mere mention of “wedding” people bump up their prices.

All of a sudden the “event” is no longer just and “event.”

It’s a ‘freakin wedding and now I can’t say “I do” for less than 2 grand at most locales.

Okaaay.

I’m venting.

So that is the reason for my absence here.

Because I never knew how stressful and expensive it is to plan a wedding

That’s all I’ve been doing.

Okay.

I lied.

I wrote a bunch of freelance dating articles too. You can check some of them out here:

4 Common Gripes About Asking Women Out and How to Get Over Them

What Women Want: A Breakdown By Decade

What a Man Can Apply to Relationships Based on His Relationship with His Dog

And now what becomes of bitter bride-to-be?

I’m going to find a park… and grab a portable generator… and have my wedding under the stars:)

I had my first boyfriend at the tender age of 13, when my parents (bless their heart) shipped me off to the Philippines for a year so I could learn my culture, language and appreciate the luxuries and blessings of living in America. Well, little did they know that their innocent little 13 year old would meet a 16 year old boy who would be the first boy she ever kissed, the first boy who would ever break her heart, the first boy who would make her cry in a huddle with her two bestfriends because he had chosen to break up with her in public with all his friends watching.

It was quite traumatic being that young and being introduced to a world where boys could in one moment create an exhilarating heart-pumping, I-can’t-believe-he-notices me high and the next moment bring you crashing down to the extreme polar opposite low where you are scampering on the ground helplessly picking up broken pieces of your heart.

And this is the world that I was introduced to, by the boy we nicknamed “The tantalizer-” his gaze was just that- tantalizing. piercing your heart with just a glance.

I came back to the states a different person, afraid of the power that boys could have over me.

And then I met Nathan.

His eyes were a deep blue, so different from the piercing eyes of the boy who broke my heart. His eyes were kind, soothing like the sea. His presence was calming, steady, and predictable like the ocean’s waves crashing on the shore. He never knew my heart had just been traumatized. I didn’t want to get hurt ever again. All I wanted to do was have fun.

So one day, we sat down and he asked me, “Do you know what the point of dating is?”

Without hesitation I answered, “Yeah, to have fun!”

He smiled and added, “Yes, that’s part of it, but it’s to find the person you were meant to marry.”

And he was right. And he is right. And 13 years later, after 12 years of separation, 4 months of phone conversations into the wee morning hours, and 13 months of dating but living in different cities…

we will finally. finally. finally get to the point of all this…

July 31, 2010- 14 years after we started dating… we will get married.

And THAT is the point of dating. To find the one you want to become one with.

Just in case we start thinking that having fun with the opposite sex is the point…

There’s something much greater in store. Something that God uses specifically to mold men and women into better versions of themselves.

Marriage has such a bad rap in our media.

Yet it is so beautiful.

For men who have to constantly be strong and hard, resilient and capable in the world, a wife is an oasis of constant affection; she is a place of rest where you can finally take off your armor and just be comforted by her tenderness and love.

For women who never feel like they are desirable enough or good enough, or beautiful enough, or smart enough, a husband is an endless source of encouragement, he is a place of refuge, a reminder that you can stop striving. That you already are everything he desires.

And for both husband and wife, marriage is a safe haven where you have the freedom to be naked and known, fearless and shameless. A place to verbalize and try all your sexual fantasies because you have a lifetime to explore your sexuality.

Marriage is a sacred place where you can truly discover and appreciate pleasure because sex will always be readily available and accessible.

So to end with….and to prepare us for this great gift of marriage…

Here are two of the BEST sermons on what our roles are in marriage:

For the women:

For the men:

(note to my future husband: baby I can’t wait to let the whole world know that I belong to you! Thank you for choosing me.)

picture by ugaldew

I used to think it was weird to date more than one person at a time, since I’ve only experienced serial monogamy.

After reading the awesome book, How to Get a Date Worth Keeping, I actually think it’s not such a bad idea, if you’re honest and clear about what’s going on and don’t lead people on.

Now I realize that for some people, non-exclusive dating, or dating several people can be a great way to date.

It’s a great way to get to know a lot of different people to learn more about the opposite sex, yourself, and basically enrich your life by engaging in regular one-on-one interactions with the opposite sex.

Here’s how to do it without creating drama:

1. Make it clear to everyone you’re dating that you’re not looking for a serious/exclusive relationship at this time. You’re out dating to get to know people…

You want to do this without leading people on. And the way to do that is to be clear about your intent.

2. This piece of advice was from my coworker Ken, who knows from experience how casual dating works: Don’t hang out with them more than once a week, twice MAX.

The reason for this is because people naturally make this association:

time devoted= level of commitment

Even if you don’t verbalize commitment, someone could still get hurt because they will see that you’re spending a lot of time with them. They might come to the conclusion that you are only seeing them. Of course no one should ever make that conclusion without the other party actually saying something about wanting to be exclusive, but people’s natural tendency is to think, “We have something special here,” aka, he/she couldn’t possibly have this same kind of interaction with someone else!

3. Other than mentioning that you are dating casually/non-exclusively to get to know a lot of people, DON’T mention your other dates!

They really don’t need to know any details about any of the other people you are seeing. Make sure they are your focus when you are with them. It’s just good practice, common courtesy, and respect for their feelings.

4. As soon as you realize that someone is no longer a candidate you would consider pursuing an exclusive relationship with after getting to know them better, STOP DATING THEM.

Don’t lead them on. Let them be free to explore their other options. Maybe you’re not that into her. You don’t know what she’s going through. What you do know is that she still wants to see you, so you can guage from that, that there is still a romantic interest. Let her go.

It’s only fair. If you know you would no longer desire to possibly see them exclusively in the future, let them go. If you are a guy, just stop asking the girl out. If you’re a woman, when he asks you out again, just say, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to pursue this any further. You are a great person, and there is a great person out there for you, but I don’t see this moving forward.”

If they ask, “Why?” you don’t have to answer that question. All you have to say is, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to get into it. Good luck though.”

Band aid approach. WAY better than stringing someone along and then dropping them when they’ve already fallen hard for you.

Hugh MLeod says this on his blog:

Love matters. People matter. Everything else is secondary. Amen to that.

That is it. That is all we need to know.

Check out his love series here.

Maybe you’ve been there before ladies. I know I have. I liked this one guy years ago. All it took was him paying me a little bit of extra attention, and I was hooked. Over-analyzing everything he said, did, myspace stalking him, wondering who the girls were on his page and how significant they were. Wondering why his number one top friend was a non-related female. (duh) We went on a psuedo date. He had invited me somewhere and I thought it meant something, but in actuality I was not the only one he invited! It was like before he paid attention to me, I was actually more attractive to him…. because as soon as he paid me the little eensy weensy bit of attention I romanticized him, became too available, too nice, too congenial. Basically he could smell needy from a mile away.

I had a revelation.

Another reason why men get turned off when women are needy! So men are drawn to beauty, right? Well, since God is the one who makes the laws of the universe, HE is the one that determines what is truly beautiful. After they see past our outward beauty, I think men are seeking (unconsciously) this kind of beauty:

1 Peter 3:4

but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

I think a gentle and quiet spirit is the opposite of

• anxious
• fearful
• worried
• stressed
• untrusting

and those are some of the things we feel when we are needy (because we are afraid of being alone, etc…) for a man’s attention! You know?!!

So I think no matter how beautiful we are on the outside, if we are needy, men won’t stick around because beyond that external beauty they are not finding that internal beauty that attracts men for the long haul. (imperishable beauty!)

I think I put too much attention on my outward beauty (which only gets men’s initial attention) and not enough attention on inward beauty (which captures a man’s attention long-term)…

So I’ve been praying this constantly:

Father God,

Help me not to make beauty my god. Help me to find my worth in how You view me and not my appearance. Help me to stay away from things that tempt me to idolize beauty. Help me to focus on developing real beauty– that of a gentle and quiet spirit, which I take to understand is a spirit that is trusting, unafraid, peaceful and not anxious, a soul at rest because it trusts in You. And help me Lord, even when all of the world thinks otherwise, to remember that this is the kind of beauty Nathan needs from me, the kind of beauty that the world needs from me. Help me to trust that this kind of inner beauty can transform me from the inside out.

What is attractive?

• A woman who doesn’t need a man, but wants a man. There’s a huge difference.

• A woman who has her own hobbies, goals and dreams, but she still prioritizes her man.
• A woman who can take care of herself, but who lets a man spoil her if he wants to.

Ne-Yo knows that woman:

Oo there something about just something about the way she moves
I cant figure it out, there’s something about her (about her)
Say oo there’s something about, that kinda woman wants you but dont need you
Hey, i cant figure it out, there’s something about her
Cuz she walk like the boss, talk like the boss
Manicured nalis, just like the pedicured roll?
She’s fly effortlessly
Cuz she move like a boss, do as a boss
Do, she got me thinking about getting involved
thats the kinda girl i need

She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Wont you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Love the way you shine
Miss independent

Oo there’s something about that a woman that can do for herself
I look at her and it makes me proud, there’s something about her
there’s something oo so sexy about the kinda woman that dont even need my help
She sees she got it,she got it, no doubt, there’s something about her
Cuz she work like the boss, play like the boss
Car and a crib, she about to pay em both off
And her bills are paid on time
She made for a boss, Solely a boss,
Everything like, she telling em to get lost
That’s the girl that on my mind

She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Wont you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Love the way you shine
Miss independent

Her favourite thing, is to say don’t worry i got it
And everything she got, best believe she bought it
She gonna steal my heart, ain’t no doubt about it,
Girl your everything i need, said your everything i need

She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Wont you come and spend a little time
She got her own thing
That why i love her
Miss independent
Love the way you shine
Miss independent
That’s why i love her