Look at Mr. Timberlake. Seriously, he’s not really hot. If he didn’t dress so damn well and didn’t have the voice and the moves, he’d just be, well, your average Joe.

But watch him dance and his sex appeal goes out the roof! There’s nothing sexier than a man in a well fitted suit …and then add dancing and it’s just too much!

It makes women swoon. They start thinking, “Wow.. look at how he can move his body…” hmmmm…and it’s a not a huge jump to imagine how someone who can move his body so well dancing can also move his body well in another arena.

No wonder sex appeal increases with moves like that. Check this out:

or watch the video.

Same thing goes for men who can play an instrument or sing. What woman doesn’t like to be serenaded? What woman doesn’t like to have a song dedicated to her, especially a song a man wrote for her? There’s a reason why boys in a band get the chicks.

They are musical poets.

Notice how almost all lyrics have to do with feelings?

If there’s anything that all women have in common, it’s this: We love to see a man put his heart on his sleeve. Women love when men talk about their feelings.

This is hard for men to do on a day to day basis.

That’s why music is such a powerful agent to increase a man’s sex appeal.

It’s all about feelings, and it’s become an acceptable societal way for men to express them.

2. Learn how to be funny

I think my boyfriend is attractive. But when he makes me laugh it takes that attraction to another level! I just want to grab him and make out with him right there! (sorry daddy if you’re reading this. not exactly what you want to read your daughter write about!)

I don’t know what it is about humor, besides the fact that girls just want to have fun. Nothing is as fun as including laughter in any activity.

It’s also a sign of confidence when a man can be funny. Every time a guy throws out a joke or says something witty, he’s putting himself out there, waiting for a reaction. He’s in the spotlight.

People could laugh.

People could sneer.

It’s a risk.

And you know what women like, right?

Men who take risks:)

Can you believe, there are actually books so you can learn to be funny! Go to your local library’s online catalog and type in “how to be funny” and I guarantee your library database will have some books on it.

Watch funny shows.

Go to comedy clubs.

Watch and go to be a student, instead of being entertained. Take notes. Pay attention to what makes someone funny.

Like anything, being funny can be learned.

3. And lastly, learn how to be humble (which is a true sign of confidence) as opposed to arrogant (which is usually a sign of a highly insecure person)

hehee but these are just my opinions.

You know about the freshman fifteen right?

Well, now I’m coining the term for relationship weight gain: The twosome twenty.

I’m sure you’ve seen it time and time again, either in other couples or in yourself when you get into a relationship. You’re eating out more than you would as a single person. You’re feeling more comfortable in the relationship. yada yada yada.

Enough with the reasons… Let’s look at the solutions:

1. Always split a meal

This is the best piece of advice here. And with recession times like these, it helps not only the waistline, but the wallet!

I don’t remember the last time that Nate and I didn’t split a meal. It’s just been fantastic doing it this way.

You ever go to a restaurant and order something and end up having buyer’s remorse when the person next to you orders something sizzling and decadent, the aromas wafting through your nose as the smoky succulent goodness passes you in a fog? When the dust settles (or the smoky goodness) you’re left staring down at your order wondering why something that looks so drab even made it on the menu…

Well, you’ll never have to deal with that again when you go out to eat with your significant other!

Cuz you’ll be sharing the same thing.

The shared experience is nice too. Since you’re eating the same thing you can compare your take on it. I know after one of us takes the first bite (usually me heehee) the other person always says, “What do you think?”

Then we into great lengths and describe what we’re eating, comparing it to other foods we’ve had in the past, wondering if we could make the same dish at home, making the judgment call if it would even be worth making it at home, making decisions as to whether or not we should make another apprearance at the restaurant, contemplating missing ingredients, guessing what ingredients made the concoction, etc…

So when sharing a meal, as you can see, the very meal becomes quite a conversation piece. It really makes the meal more enjoyable. I also notice that we slow down our pace of eating as well, trying to talk about all these things. We end up savoring the meal instead of rushing through it.

And lastly, by sharing the meal, we’re able to frequently split dessert as well! Win-win-WIN situation!

Nate and I also always share everything on the same plate.

He cuts up the meat and cuts up everything in bite-sized pieces. It’s also been nice introducing each other to our favorite things- like Mataar Paneer (my favorite Indian dish– it has farmers cheese and peas in a creamy sauce!) and Eggs Benedict (his favorite breakfast dish- poached eggs, canadian bacon, toasted english muffin, all drenched in hollandaise sauce.Yum. See picture above)

And let’s be honest, when they bring you your order of Fetuccine Alfredo at Olive Garden, or your burgers and fries at Chili’s, doesn’t that huge plate look like a serving dish that could feed a small family of four in Somalia? yeah. exactly.

2. Do active things together

Yes, pretty much a given… but how many couples end up watching tv at night after work day in and day out? Then going to the movies and dinner on the weekends? This does not have to be the norm! It’s too easy to veg out when you don’t have any ideas for active things. So here are some that Nate and I do:

Go to the local community center. It’s free! Last weekend we played ping pong, basketball, and even took out our hockey sticks and rollerblades and played some street hockey. They also had pool tables, foosball, and air hockey.

Go for a run together. It’s nice to run with this fall weather! Plug in your ipods, buy Nike Drive Crystal Method. It will motivate you to run faster and longer!

Take a ballroom dance class together. No more sitting down during wedding receptions! (Or if you’re a mean girlfriend like me, drag him to a hip hop class! lol)

Buy some rollerblades. Mine were 29 bucks. Nate found his pair at a garage sale for 5 bucks!
We like to go to the downtown area of our cities and wake up early saturday or sunday morning and rollerblade all through the downtown area. When we get tired, we grab some coffee and warm up. I must say, it’s a lovely way to spend a weekend morning.

The point is, get out of the house and do something active. Even if it is just strolling downtown and checking out the shops or taking your dog to a dog wash place where you wash your dog yourself. Or learn a new sport together. Tennis. Golf. Nate and I want to learn how to fence! For more date ideas, check out this post.

For more information: Read about why weight matters Read about whether or not you should lose weight for a guy.

photo by imru2b12 at stock.xchng

(I did an article on how men can be better boyfriends/husbands. It’s time to turn the tables!)

I love how men are mostly the same. All. the. time.

I’m talking about feelings. They feel pretty much the same every day.

It’s a refreshing predictability that is so foreign to me…

That I’ve really grown to appreciate.

Unlike us women.

I feel different almost every day.

And yes, it is the stupid women hormones.

Did you know that a woman is 4xs more likely to cry in any given situation than a man…

Just because of some anatomical feature on her skull?

Yes, those womanly differences– stuff like having more estrogen and having that special time of the month do have a bearing on our daily moods.

Anyhow, I know when I feel better, I’m naturally a better girlfriend. So the first part of this series is all about making changes in your life so that you feel better. Everyone around you, including and especially your boyfriend/ husband will appreciate these changes!

Here’s the Feel Good List! (my secret is out!)

If you feel bad…

• Catch up on sleep!

  Take a nap without an alarm and wake up naturally when your body is done catching up on sleep. Yesterday I went home early (1pm) and took a TWO hour nap. I was in the BEST mood of my life after that. Do not underestimate the power of getting enough sleep. You eat more when you lack sleep. You feel worse. Your judgment is worse. You make bad decisions. You don’t look your best. It’s just all downhill from here if you don’t get enough sleep.




• Take a refreshing shower and get dressed up ready for the day.

  A shower can do wonders. Especially if you normally lounge around in your pjs all day or work from home. So simple to just pop in and take a shower and get dressed up. But it is the difference between a lazy day grazing everything in site and feeling like a bum versus feeling productive and energetic and having a day full of purpose.




• Eat more of the feel good foods.

  These foods are from the book The Good Mood Diet. I swear by these foods. I take this list with me every time I go grocery shopping so my fridge and pantries are always stocked full of “feel good” foods. They really do make you feel better! My reasoning is this: If I’m already going to have to eat something, might as well eat the things that are conducive to feeling my best!

Bananas
Beans
Blueberries
Broccoli
Caffeine-containing beverages (1-2 a day)
Cocoa powder (or chocolate in small amounts
Dairy, low-fat or fat-free
Edamame (green soybeans)
Egg Yolks
Fish and Seafood
Flaxseed, ground
Garlic
Ginger
Grapefruit
Grape juice
Greens, drak and leafy
Green tea
Lean, organic meat
Mangoes
Nuts
Olives and olive oil
Oranges
Pomegranates
Popcorn, air-popped
Pork, lean
Soy
Spinach
Strawberries
Sunflower seeds
Turkey, light and dark meat
Vegetable oil, unrefined
Whole grains

• Eat less of the feel bad foods.

  These are also from the same book and is suprisingly and refreshingly a very short list! Yay! I’m all about moderation so nothing should be off limits, otherwise you’ll feel deprived, but lessening the amount of feel bad foods in proportion to the feel good foods yields great results!

Alcohol
Caffeine (large doses)
Fried Foods
Fatty Meats
Fatty Snack Foods
Refined Sugars and Starches (most often in packaged foods)

• Eat only when you’re physically hungry and eat only what you really want.

  This is huge! When you eat only when you’re hungry and what you really crave/want–

The food tastes better
You will start at a place of “emptiness” so you will recognize “fullness” better

You’ll never feel deprived

• Stop eating before you’re stuffed (don’t overeat).

  It’s amazing how much food plays a role in how we feel. Food can nourish your body or it can poison your body! It’s poison if you eat too much.




• Get a massage!

  Everyone needs to be touched. Touch is healing. Get your boyfriend to do it if you’re broke:)




• Wear only clothes that you feel you look good in and are comfortable in.

  There’s nothing like starting your day on the wrong foot by trying to fit into something that makes you either feel bad or look bad. Why would you do that to yourself?




• Focus on what you can change. Accept what you cannot change.

  If you can change it, don’t act like the victim. Don’t give in to feeling powerless: “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.” Alice Walker, you are brilliant. Basically, it is no use and a waste of time to fret or be depressed about how things are ESPECIALLY when you have the power to change your situation starting right now.




• Don’t sleep in.

  Better to wake up early and take a nap later on. I’ve noticed that the first time your body wakes up is the right time to wake up. If you go back to sleep after that first time, you will feel groggy waking up later on.




• Don’t eat a heavy high-carb breakfast.

  My boyfriend and I used to do this on Saturday or Sunday mornings and we realized we waste a day that way because we feel lethargic afterwards and don’t feel like getting out of the house. Now we just wake up, grab some coffee (it’s in the feel good food list!) and start our day upbeat and feeling light and energetic.




• Incorporate movement and exercise into your daily activities.

  You know the deal with endorphins I’m sure. But, instead of setting aside a whole hour at the gym and getting bored out of your mind having to step on a treadmill and go nowhere, why not purchase a pedometer, make sure you walk 10,000 steps a day (about 5 miles) and go shopping? (or window shopping) Why not tour your downtown area and walk everywhere? Why not get some housework done or do some gardening? Why not run around with the kids? There are so many things you can do to incorporate exercise into your day. Cuz let’s be honest. You’d rather watch The Office on Netflix after work than spend a whole hour at the gym. Scratch self-discipline. Let’s multitask our exercise!

So the gist? Basically, if you take care of yourself, you will feel better. And just by feeling better and being less lethargic, whiny or moody, you will be a better girlfriend/wife.

the richest guy

the smartest guy

the most charming guy

the most talented guy

the hottest guy

the most ambitious guy

the funniest guy

Ladies, marry the guy who truly cherishes you.

He’s the one who will still hold your hand when you are old and gray.
He’s the one who will still see the the beauty of your youth past the wrinkles.

That’s why, he’s the one.

Photos by nubuck via stock.xchng

(If you haven’t heard it yet, I did a podcast series on fears of marriage. Part I is fears. Part II is benefits.)

A while back, Nate and I were talking about how some people really desire marriage and some people, like ourselves, are really wary about the idea.

The concept is kinda silly if you think about it:

Take one flawed person primarily concerned with his needs and wants.

Add another flawed person primarily concerned with her needs and wants.

Ask them to think of the other person’s needs and not just their own and love the other flawed person unconditionally until one of them dies.

hehheh.

Not exactly the picture of marriage thrown at you every day on like, let’s say, The Bachelor.

Ladies, let’s move past the ficticious, glammed up illusion, also known as the wedding.

I think women tend to be more excited and more focused on the wedding… (one day) than the actual marriage (one lifetime).

Which is also silly.

What’s scary about marriage is this reality:

Most people go into it with the best intentions. and with the goal of keeping the promise “til death do us part.” And yet half of them end.

It’s like they innocently take the jump… but no one knows what really happens afterwards. Here I am, an unmarried woman looking at all the failed marriages around me… and it feels like these people get sucked into this vortex that no outsiders can get access to unless they take the leap themselves…

Is any of this making sense?

So enough of the negative stuff. Onto the positive stuff…

Nate and I were talking about how the great thing is that marriage involves two people with the freedom of choice.

Marriage doesn’t just fall apart without choices made by two individuals.

A failed marriage isn’t something that happens to a couple. It’s something they decide. Not in one grand moment of course.

No one wakes up and says “Hmmm, I think I want a failed marriage today. Yeah, yeah, that’s what I’ll have.”

Rather I think it’s the failure to translate from you and me to us. That kind of “oneness” I think is essential. It forces each person to think about their choices in terms of how those choices affect them as a unit, not individually.

Otherwise, it’s too easy to put your own needs above that of the other person. Maybe I’m way off base, since like I said, I’m not in the vortex, but I believe that a failed marriage is the result of a build up of choices to prioritize the needs of self over the needs of the unit or the other person.

Find me one failed marriage that didn’t end because of this reason (for one or both parties) and I’ll change my theory:)

So the positive note is that because marriage and failed marriages involve choices, every couple has the choice to keep going. You can’t control the other person, but you can do everything in your power to meet that other person’s needs and love them with all you’ve got.

Your marriage doesn’t have to be another statistic…

Because of the power of choice.
Because you can choose to nurture that unit you’ve created.

Because you can say this:

“It’s us now. We can make this anything we want.”

Shout out to our guest post blogger who wrote this article! Sarah writes a companion blog with her boyfriend! Check out her site here.

Most women spend their lives dreaming of the day they will meet that special guy. As a child, whether we are playing house or wearing a bed sheet over our head like a veil, the very idea of meeting someone you will spend the rest of your life with is drilled into us. For a very lucky few of us this does happen. A close friend of mine actually married her very first boyfriend; they met in middle school. This is not that easy for most of us. We spend most of our adult lives dating and searching for this perfect guy. What we need to realize is that there really is no perfect guy.

I recently discovered, while talking with friends over brunch, that a lot of women get involved with what is known as the unattainable man.

This is the guy that makes you feel so special, but always seems to have a reason why he cannot fully commit.

I have seen so many women fall victim to this man. In order to help out those women I have listed a few ways for you to be able to spot this newly discovered type of man. If your guy has tried any of the following then you may be involved with an unattainable man.

1. He always calls last minute to see if you want to “hang out”

When a guy does this it should be obvious that you were not the person that he intended to hang out with that night.

Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that sometimes things can be left until the last minute. That’s fine. But, if this happens often you should consider yourself an after thought. More than likely his original plans have fallen through and he didn’t want to sit at home so he called you, knowing that you would probably jump at the chance to hang out with him.

2. You only go out at night

I believe the original term was “booty call.” Unless one or both of you have a job that allows you to only be free at night seven days a week this is never a good sign even if he takes you to dinner and spends the first part of the night saying all of the right things and makes you free amazing. You still only see each other at night which means he obviously has plans for later, which don’t include telling you how much he loves you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

3. He says things like “I don’t want to hurt you”

Maybe you are one of the women that has sat down with him and told him how you feel. If you have explained to him how much you like him and how you want to take the relationship further and he replies “I don’t want to hurt you” this is an easy way of putting that off. Instead of being truly honest with you and telling you he is not looking for a serious relationship, an unattainable man will say things like this. This way he is not the bad guy, because he is looking out for you. Right?

4. When he feels he could lose you he changes his attitude and suddenly you’re the center of attention… But this will only last for awhile.

Most women, after a while will get fed up with this type of guy and try to end it. He is probably ready for this, so be careful. It may take a couple of days, but he will slowly try to work his way back into your life. It may start with just a quick text or IM but it will turn into offering advice, longer chats, and then occasional drinks and before you know it, you’re back where you started.

5. He offers help whenever yo need it.

Okay this one is tricky. I only say that because if a man really cares about the woman they’re with, they will want to help. As they should. Most men that are in a serious committed relationship will help when they see it is needed. Now with the unattainable man you have to really pay attention. He will offer help when he sees you need it, but it will grow and grow until you feel like you have to talk to him about everything. He may start off by offering to help you with the smallest thing such as a problem your having at work, but it will not end there. I have actually seen, in some extreme cases where it grows into him telling you where to live and what bank you should use. Now that’s a really extreme case but, it has happened.

6.He makes excuses as to why you haven’t met any of his friends

When you bring up his friends he may say things like “Yeah, my friends work a lot so we really don’t hang out much” or “Sometimes I just need guy time and that’s what my friends are for.” He may go so far as to say he wants to keep you all to himself. The honest truth is that if a guy is dating someone he likes he will want his friends to meet her.

Over the years many great guys have lost women to this ‘unattainable man.’ Now I have to be honest and say that we as women can not put all the blame on the man. I don’t want anyone to think that is what I am doing here. We should be able to spot the signs and get out, so that we are able to move on and find that guy that we have all thought about our whole lives. I truly hope this helps, and next time you come across this man you can stop it before it even gets started. Good luck!

Okay, I will refrain from mentioning my awesome boyfriend for awhile after this post.

But I have to say, he has introduced me to so many fun activities! Every weekend it seems like we’re doing something different. Since I’ve been here in May we have done all of the following:

• geocaching
• rock climbing at an indoor rock climbing gym
• back packing
• wakeboarding
• boating
• taken a trip to the San Juan Islands
• hiking
• mountain biking
• ballroom dancing
• taken an Argentine Tango dance class
• danced at a bar with live funk music
• gone to a comedy club
• gone to church
• cooking
• grilling outdoors
• tried new restaurants
• checked out the drums and guitars at a music store
• tried on costumes at a party store
• made breakfast together
• played the Wii
• played pickleball
• gone to a French bakery
• gone to the library together
• gotten boba tea
• shared a bowl of Pho
• driven stick shift
• gone to a dog park
• played street hockey
• ice skating
• played pool
• played ping pong
• played card games
• kayaking
• taken a weight lifting class
• ridden dirt bikes
• gone berry picking
• played basketball
• tried raquetball
• karaoked at his brother’s house
• gone running
• done henna tattoos on each other
• made burgers
• walked on the beach
• watched fireworks
• gone grocery shopping
• gone to garage sales
• gone rollerblading
• gone to another island by ferry
• tossed around a football

I think the best thing is when two people get together and share their varied interests so that both people are exposed to new things! Remember gentlemen, girls just wanna have fun!

For more great ideas, check out Dave’s suggestions!

Readers, what are some other great ideas?

…but what I didn’t realize is something that my best friend, Lynne, revealed to me. The butterflies don’t necessarily disappear. They just come back sporadically when you don’t expect them– like on a lazy Sunday afternoon when you’re playing the Wii and one glace at your boyfriend fencing the mobs sends you into a paparazzi like frency as you grab your camera and start snapping away from every angle.

So now, just cuz of that, of course I have to post some pics!

And can you believe? He just turned 29???!

Have I mentioned my boyfriend is amazing? Nate never starts something unless he really wants to do it and unless he is willing to commit to it until it’s completion. I on the other hand, start things half-heartedly without much thought and quit when things get hard or something better or more interesting comes up.

Yup, I’m a natural quitter. I have a tendency to not finish what I start. Follow through? Not my strong suite.

Right now I’m training to be a ballroom dance instructor. Every week more of the trainees are being asked to leave. We are down to two follows (girls) and two leads (guys). I just found out they are only hiring one follow and one lead. Knowing that I am not the better dancer of the girls, last night I felt a strong desire to quit. I feel insecure about my position because I don’t feel like I’m their first pick.

What Nate made me realize is that I strongly STRONGLY oppose rejection in all forms and in all arenas of my life.

I’d rather quit than fail because in most cases that means I’m the one doing the rejecting instead of being rejected.

As much as this might be a self-preservation tactic, I realize that it’s also an ego thing. A pride thing. I want to be the rejector instead of the rejected….

How does this relate to the dating arena?

Are you like me?

I want to be the dumper instead of the dumpee.

I’d rather walk away than have someone leave me.

I’m afraid of failure and rejection because it feels like what I have to offer isn’t good enough.

These are all just feelings that stem from insecurity and pride.

It takes humility to…

• Stay and give your best when you can feel that your partner’s heart isn’t in it anymore.
• Love and keep your heart open when they’ve shut down and have put up a wall.
• Remember your vows to love forever even when your partner has forgotten.
• Keep asking women for their phone numbers when you are rejected for the umpteenth time.
• Give your all when you can tell they want to walk away.
• Keep pursuing the girl when you know you are competing with an ex or other guys who are vying for her attention.
• Go for the girl when you feel she’s out of your league.

I learned two things from Nate:

1. It is more respectable to fail than to quit.

Let them be the one to pull the plug. All you can do is give your best.

If they walk away, your pride may be crushed.

Your insecurities may creep up…

But your dignity should remain in tact because you did what you could.

You cannot give a person more than your best. The rest is out of your control.

If your best wasn’t enough, it doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough, it means it wasn’t a good fit.

So stay.

Learn to accept failure as a triumph because you stuck it out. (as long as you did your best)

Learn to embrace rejection as a medal of bravery and courage because you took the leap and for once in your life, took a risk.

Good things happen to those who perservere in the face of rejection and failure. (Look at actors. Many of them earn their spotlight. They deal with rejection regularly.)

2. It’s better not to start something unless I really want it.

Up until now I never pursued a career or job because of the sheer passion of it. I’m thinking maybe I pursued the things I didn’t really have the heart for because I knew that I could quit when it became difficult or be rejected and it wouldn’t be difficult to walk away, I could think–

You’re promoting someone else instead of me? I can’t do this anymore? So what? I didn’t really want it anyway!

I took easy jobs instead of challenging jobs because I knew I wouldn’t fail, thinking–

I may not love what I do, but I’m good at it.

The problem is, as a rule, it’s easier to quit on things (and people) when you didn’t really want to get involved in the first place. If this dance training were one of my previous jobs, I would have easily quit already. This time, I called up my boyfriend and played devil’s advocate. I really wanted him to give me a pep talk to remind me of why I didn’t want to quit. (which he did!) Fear of rejection sometimes takes the form of rationalizations that you didn’t want that job or that person anyway.

You know that saying, follow your heart?

It’s so true. The most fulfilled people are those who followed their passion in their careers and went for the guys/girls who they really wanted.

Be that person who settled for more.

It’s easier to stick around when you are with the person you really want. People would be spared so much heartache if men and women didn’t get involved just because they were lonely, horny, needing to feel wanted, afraid to be alone, starving for attention or affection, or just because that person wanted them.

Don’t go for her just because she’s a sure bet, go for the girl that you really want, even if she is a challenge.

Don’t go for the guy just because he really likes you, judge him by his character.

And, when the odds are against you, do not fear the competition, step up your game and give your best.