DAVE ALPERT w/Rob Sistare
Monday, May 26, 6:00pm
All Asia
334 Mass Ave, Cambridge, MA (Central Sq)
19+. Low cover.  Some solo songs and duo songs and then Carbin flex their awesomeness with a mix of rock, hip-hop, funk and love!

It’s not our fault really.  From the days of the frontier, the expansion west and Theodore Roosevelt’s “rough individualism”, our society has been built on a culture of unabashed selfishness. 

My interest in this topic was re-awakened by reading this article on Universal Hub which is followed by 2 pages of some of the most acrimonious comments I’ve ever read.  I have to admit; my loyalties lie firmly with the motorists.  You see, while motorists are just assholes, bicyclists are self-rightous assholes.  They walk around with this moral indignation and an air of moral superiority based on the fact that they use less fossil fuels, excercise more and that they have the short end of the stick because city planners don’t always have their interests in mind.

I would argue, however, that even if Boston had the most bicycle friendly streets in the US, it would make no difference.  Bikers ride on pedestrian sidewalks, blow through red lights and stop signs (always), ride down one-way streets the wrong way and sometimes ride against traffic, instead of with it.  Why?  Because they can.  No one stops them.  And if the city caved  to every bicyclist demand, they would still do it.  This brings us back to my point about the wild west.  Bicyclists get off on the thrill of blowing through intersections not knowing whether they are going to live or die.  That’s part of the fun; that’s part of our culture.  It’s not as if, suddenly Boston bikers would start looking like this:

Bicyclists in Amsterdam (Photo credit: AndrewLove.org)

No. Boston bicyclists would continue to be drug-crazed savages sitting in coffee shops wearing torn pants, bloody knees and chipped teeth like badges of honor as they tell stories of the best diggers, car accidents and pedestrian flattenings they were involved in.

One of the comments on the Universal Hub post links to Massachusetts Bicycle Law on the massbike.org site.  They want to arm bicyclists with knowledge in the fight for the streets of the city.  While it makes for an interesting read, the problem is that laws don’t inform as to how you should act; they inform about what you can get away with.  Bicyclists should follow the same rules of the road–even if they don’t have to.  Motorists should be more considerate and share the roads.  Pedestrians should wait for the “walk” light and not prevent motorists from making a left turn when they are at a green arrow lasting for 3 seconds.  Joggers shouldn’t run on the busiest streets in the city, careening into me on my way home from work.  But we’re all too busy getting away with whatever we can.  And this is what makes this country great.  We are all truly equal–even if just by virtue of our collective selfishness.

Whitney Houston was famous for her use of melisma–that kind of using a million notes to express one sylable of music.  At some point in time, singers began to think that this kind of singing was cool.  It is not; it sucks.  On the one hand, we can sort of be proud about the mainstream acceptance of certain aspects of African American culture.  On the other hand, is it really real?  Has it really added to the acceptance of African Americans at all?  I don’t know.  Maybe I just witnessed the second coming of Pat Boone.  Regardless, it sounded like round 2 of American Idol and I wanted that dude Simon to come out and take no prisoners!

NOTE TO THE (UN-NAMED) SINGER: Give it Uha-ha-ha-ha-Ppppppp-Yeah-he-ha-he-ha-one-lo-hohove–mutha-fucka-ha-ha-hahaha!

Catch him at a show sporting a molestache in the near future.  That moustache is gonna help the band ROCK!

I have never been to a casino, and I have no real objection apart for concern about the mental health of our communities.  Considering all the hard working residents already blowing their week’s wages on scratch tickets at the neighborhood convenience store, I’m not sure how wise it is to bring casinos a Charlie Ticket ride away.  But this isn’t the point.   It’s that The Commonwealth has real economic challenges, and I’d like to hear some real solutions other than legalized gambling.  Hmmm…. Or maybe not….

On the off-chance the legislature doesn’t have any more bright ideas, I have one.  We should go with an entire “Legalize It” campaign.  We should legalize things like drugs, hunting endangered species, prostitution, child pornography, dog fighting.  We could tax it all at 20%.  That would stimulate the service industry, too.  Hotels would pop up everywhere.  New jobs would be created.  With all that money, we could rent the US military to guard our borders (adding to the health of the US economy as well).  That could be the state moto on our license plates.  We could Sell Massachusetts Legalize It! t-shirts at Logan.  And if the federal government doesn’t like it, we would have enough resources to fight.  After all, we’re busy screwing things up in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Not even the United States could afford or win a three-front war.

Wow.  Deval.  Maybe this is a bright idea after all! It’s on!