Blah Blah Blahg

Hum Drum Boogie

2009-09-15T10:47:00.004-06:00

I figured I should probably post something here. It's been a few days since the last post...

OK, it's been over a year. Fuck you's guys anyway, ain't nobody reading this.

She surprises me, sometimes she hums on my balls
And i can see the world right through her bedroom walls
She has a jaw like a pelican's beak is deep
Humming me right to sleep, my favortie freak
I can rearrange the patterns of the stars in the sky
I can fly with the seagulls on the beach with the tide
Cause she can blow me there, i swear, right through the air
If i ain't really there, my balls do not care, my balls

Come on put it on me bitch
Hit me with the humdrum boogie
That thing, oh goodie
Come on put it on me bitch
Right now, right now boogie
That thing, my balls
Come on put it on me bitch
Hit me with the humdrum boogie
That thing, oh goodie
Come on put it on me bitch

I see my life flash before me
I hear all my favortie song at one time
(when she blow me) right before i actually go blind
I'm running back and forth though the door of (in and out of) my mind
(when she blow me) my favortie freak is so fine
To have her hum in performance, the show is enormous
Only two fans in attendance, these two in my pants
(my balls) she's my favortie, she's got my standing applause
Humming me into harmony, right through my balls

Come on put it on me bitch
Hit me with the humdrum boggie
That thing, oh goodie
Come on put it on me bitch
Right now, right now
Boogie, that thing, my balls
Come on put it on me bitch
Right now, right now
Boogie, that thing, my balls

Undo my belt, put down my drawers
Kiss my dick and hum my balls
Undo my belt, put down my drawers
Kiss my dick and hum my balls

And she can blow me there, i swear, right through the air
If i ain't really there, my balls do not care, my balls

Come on put it on me bitch
Hit me with the humdrum boogie
That thing, oh goodie
Come on put it on me bitch
Right now, right now
Boogie, that thing, my balls
Come on put it on me bitch
Hit me with the humdrum boogie
That thing, oh goodie
Come on put it on me bitch
Right now, right now
Boogie, that thing, my balls

NOW, sing that and dance, you fuckers.

Here are some boobies for you:

BACK!!

2008-08-29T16:14:00.003-06:00

I fucked my back up. BAD. I apparently have sciatica. If I keep twisting and what not, I may slip a disc in my lower spine. Which is worse.

SCIATICA:

Summer, summer, summer-time.

2008-07-18T12:37:00.006-06:00

You know, every year I look forward to summer. And I get sick of it really quick. Here's why:

The GOOD

I like the weather. I don't mind it being hot and muggy. I haven't put my air conditioner on this year. Even though it's a balmy 90°F in my house.
Outside activities. I like to hang outdoors with friends and family. Just being outside more makes me feel better.
Bikini's motherfucker. I love to see the hot chicks wandering around with a bikini top and short shorts on. You don't see that shit when it's 20° F outside!

The BAD

Humidity. I'm sick of the humidity. Mainly because it sucks to pry my balls from my legs 37 times a day. I don't mind touching my balls, as long as they're not sweaty and smell like a gym bag. :S
Work. There's so much more of it during the summer!
Fat dudes with their shirts off. Motherfuckers look like they're wearing a sweater-vest or some shit. It's ridiculous. Nobody wants to see that shit, man! Put your saggy man-tits back under your wife-beater. For fuck sake.

Anybody know some loose women? Hook me up!

Less bullshit, more work.

2008-07-10T13:25:00.003-06:00

BULLSHIT: I don't know if you know, but I'm a criminal.

I've been breathalyzing twice a day for over 18 months... Until yesterday that is!!! That's right bitches, I'm off the 24/7 program!! WOO HOO!!!! Now, I can sleep in past 7AM on Sunday!!! Motherfucker yes!!!I'm going to stay sober for as long as I'm on probation, though. Fuck getting into any more fucking trouble.

WORK: Well, I am now working after I get done with work. Fixing sprinklers and such. Lots more work, but more moneys, too. Which I could always use. Twelve hour days are gonna suck. But, the paycheck will always make me feel better.

TO HOLLY: WTF!!!!! Do I have to whip my balls out to impress you or something?

YOU DIE!!!!!!

2008-07-08T22:29:00.002-06:00

I'll kill you!!!!

for: 5th

Holy shitballs.

2008-06-30T21:23:00.004-06:00

Shit, I forgot I started doing this blog thing. Meh, I guess.

Just picked up the new Disturbed album, Indestructible. Pretty decent. I'd give it a 4.5 out of 5. Good, rocking riffs and a nice step away from all the emo and pop shit going around. Nice to see at least one band who hasn't sold there souls and testicles to MTV.

Christmas Time

2007-12-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so I here I sit. At work. Doing nothing. There isn't any work or customers at all! Boredom sets in.

Black Friday.

2007-11-23T15:27:00.000-07:00

Hey, all you soccer moms!
Time to shop! Time to shop!
Shop 'til you fucking drop [dead from exhaustion]
Time to shop! Time to shop!
Hey, holiday assholes...[are you shopping yet, bitch?]

It's that time of yeeeeaaaaar!
[Find the best deals, after turkey meals]
You stuff yourself on Thursdaaay!
[You're fat and lazy anyway]
And stuff the kids into the car on Fridaaaaaay!

Buy that shit, no matter what it costs,
Maybe you'll get a black eye for your trouble!
Wandering around, you seem to be lost,
The big screen is sold out, sorry to burst your bubble!

Hey, all you crazy fucks!
Time to shop! Time to shop!
Shop 'til your fucking eyes bleed! [scratched out by greedy housewives]
Time to shop! Time to shop!
Hey, don't you have a job?... [how do you afford all that shit?]

It's that tiiiiiiiiiime of the year!
[Special sale on fucking Reindeer]
It's 4 in the mooooorning!
[Only 100 left, this is your final warning]
A brand new blue-light sppeeeeeeeecial!
[That old lady wanted it more, so she fucking stabbed you]

Shop 'til you drop, 'til you drop,
[Drop dead and get trampled!]
Shop 'til you drop, 'til you drop,
[Got stabbed with a nail file!]

Happy Holidays, bitches!

Reviewing things?

2007-11-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

I sometimes find myself inspired by things. Most of these thing s are stupid, and I am stupid for being inspired by anything stupid... Stop calling me stupid, assholes.

One that sticks out is Coke Baby. He does reviews of things like candy, soda, and other unimportant mumbo-jumbo. Why am I inspired by this? It actually amuses me. It's funny, fuck you if you think otherwise. If you go read some of his shit, and don't laugh. I will personally kill you with my dick.

Maddox is also a funny little shit. I think most people have already heard of this guy, sent him an e-mail sucking his e-peen and fondling his ego. No? Why not? Do I have to threaten a penis beating again?

Also, little cartoons that are created by low-talent ass-clowns humor me and make me want to buy a Porsche. What can I say? I'm easily amused.

I hate celebrity.

2007-07-27T12:15:00.000-06:00

Man, I hate celebrities. They truly suck. The only thing worse is herpes/AIDS, old people, or a retarded valet trying to park your car and driving straight into a pole. I don't know much about foreign celebs, but American ones are fucking elitist pricks. And sure, they probably think they are "normal" like the rest of us. The fact is, these "people" are not normal. They're motherfuckers who are disrespectful, lazy and most of them need a good beating.

Do you know anybody who gets their way everyday, all the time? If you do, it's most likely an infant, mongoloid in a home, or the gimp from Pulp Fiction. These famous people do an interview talking about how like the rest of us they really are. As soon as the interview is over, shit hits the fan.

"Bring me a bottle of Perrier! It better not have been bottled more than 2 days ago!!!!",

"I want a plate of almond M&M's!! Only the green colored ones!! If there are any colors other than green, so help me God, you'll never work in this town again."

I think they have this drastically skewed version of self-important reality mostly from the media. Even Fox and CNN are guilty of running a story or two about meaningless drivel involving celebrities. It was probably about Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, or some other Hollywood quasi-whore with fake tits and a dysfunctional family. I'm not 100% sure, I don't watch that garbage. But, I know it's happened.

Like when Anna Nicole Smith keeled over. That should have been the news, she's dead, people mourn. End of story. Nope, not this time. We have to hear about her kid, who gets what, which dude she was fucking is the real father, and even the judge and his crying around. Fucking helicopters circled the funeral! Helicopters!! This shit was the most "important" thing on the news for a month straight. It's not even important news, and barely newsworthy. But, the heads of the "major news networks" must think this shit is pertinent to the interests of the people. I haven't met many people who would consider this worthwhile.

People who follow celebrities footsteps like a small dog following it's owner are idiots. But, at least it's fun to see celebrity tits.

Britney Spears

Paris Hilton

In reality, I'm only putting these two skanks on my page for more web traffic. Only seven people have ever even seen this blog. Including myself.

MARS

2007-06-09T22:30:00.000-06:00

Why are people so damned interested in Mars? What appeal does a red planet have to the conspiracy theorists and geeks around the world? They ponder the existence of aliens, spacecraft, and anal probes. O_o They all seem to be waiting for the little green men to come down in their space ships and take them away.

Some people can be so full of shit, astoundingly full of shit.

They're more concerned with what an uninhabitable planet thousands and thousands of miles away than the starving kids in Africa or AIDS. Although, I don't care much for either of those either, they could be focusing their energy, time, and money on something, anything, pertinent to their home planet. Take the billions of dollars the US has spent on researching and deploying robots to Mars, and we could all have better music and arts programs in our schools, a balanced federal spending budget, or even less taxes.

And what of aliens, you ask? Well, what about them? I believe aliens may exist, not anywhere near me, mind you. But I'm sure that earth is not the only life supporting planet in our entire universe. It's dumb to think that we are. But, it's just plain retarded to believe that we, as humans, should worry about aliens and Mars like it has something to do with us. I'm not against the space program or any space exploration, for that matter. I just think there are more important things to do with your time.

The trash.

2007-05-29T20:57:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, you've just got to take it out. That's right, taking out the trash.

Not old crap, or fast food containers, or half eaten food-stuffs. I'm talking about assholes, bastards, and lazy motherfucks.

You sons of bitches, why? Why are you like you are? Always contradicting sound reason, ignoring responsibilities and procrastinating your way through life. These are the same people that work as little as possible their whole life, then complain about how hard it is to pay the bills. IT'S BECAUSE YOU DO AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE! Fucking assholes, wise up.

Man, these people's lives are never going to change. They do not get it, I think.

Attention: IF YOU WANT IT BETTER, MAKE IT BETTER.

Fucking Jews.

2007-05-22T11:15:00.000-06:00

No, I'm talking about the Jewish people as a whole. Just some of them. The Jews who give Jews a bad name.

These are the Jews who are actually penny-pinching assholes. Tipping their waitress $2 for a $100 meal. That's just rude, not so much frugal. Or the Jews who still complain about racism. Being Jewish is not a racial issue, it's religious. NOT RACISM!! You fucking Kike. How about those Jews that, even though this is the 21st Century, continue to act like the holocaust was everybody's fault? I didn't burn your ancestors to death, talk to a Nazi. Don't come at me like I perpetrated any horrors against you or your people.

Jewish people run a lot of major shit, television networks, computer companies, etc... Get over the past, stop being such Jews.

Fucking Banker's Hours???

2007-05-18T21:09:00.001-06:00

What the fuck is up with banks? Seriously, they're open from 9:00 AM to 4:00 PM. What the hell were they thinking? Now, maybe your bank isn't the same as mine, and that's probably good. Open for seven hours a day, no Saturdays, and they want to charge me $5.00 to cash a check. They are probably the worst bankers ever. EVER. The fucking tellers even get an hour long lunch break. Now, I want in on this working six hours a day shit. I happen to work nine hours every weekday and six on Saturday. That's Saturday hours they work, and for more money than most greasy food specialist (see: fast food workers). I don't know about you, but I value my double cheeseburger fix more than idiots who barely work and are always pissy when you go to put money in the bank. It's the tellers I'm bitching about, not the managers or loan officers or anyone else. It's those damned window women, whoring my money.

Next time you bank ladies decide to be complete idiots, at least give me a hand job or some other sexually gratifying act. I know I'm getting fucked, I just want to bust a nut.

JERRY FALLWELL, GONE LIKE A FART IN THE WIND.

2007-05-15T13:10:00.000-06:00

That's right, Jerry Fartwell has died. This is further proof that God may indeed exist.

PRAISE JEEBUS!

Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say.

Apologies Accepted

2007-05-11T10:50:00.000-06:00

Remember the little ordeal in Boston about the Cartoon Network flashing lights? Someone in Boston reported them as bombs. Which, I believe, is completely ridiculous. Here's a recap, if you missed out. Basically, two guys made a bunch of these 'devices' for a Cartoon Network promotion for Aqua Teen Hunger Force's movie. Someone in Boston sees the 'devices' and, as far as I can tell, becomes offended. This offense prompts them to call the authorities. If that wasn't the case, then the authorities overreacted.

Now, three months later, the two guys who made the 'devices' appeared in court and apologized for their actions.

Now, it's good they didn't have to serve any jail time for doing a job they were hired for, but JESUS CHRIST!! What the fuck is wrong with Boston? Is it run by a bunch of idiots? Apparently so. These guys did 80 and 60 hours of community service and a rehab center. 140 collective hours of community service for doing what they were hired to do. That's right, they made these 'devices' as a campaign for Cartoon Network's ADult Swim. Why are these two guys being blamed for this? There are only two possibilities that should have been considered for blame: Cartoon Network or the Boston Police Department. Similar 'devices' were placed in nine other cities. Only Boston, and the idiots that work for Boston, had such a reaction.

What pisses me off most about this is the amount of time and money spent to discover that the 'devices' were not actually bombs. They could have asked someone first!! But no, they have to have a bomb squad check them out. They detonated the fucking things!!!! If it was a board of Winnie the Pooh, nothing would have happened. NOTHING.

To Boston,

FUCK YOU, YOU DUMB ASS SONS OF BITCHES!

No Impact?

2007-05-10T22:28:00.000-06:00

Recently, I watched a news story on the "No Impact Man".

It was on Nightline or 60 minutes, and was about a guy and his family trying to make no impact on the earth. No impact. I don't believe that is possible, is it? I mean, even if you don't use toilet paper, no incandescent light bulbs or drive a car like this guy does, electricity makes an impact (does he use solar power?). Using the water in your tub makes an impact (I know he's not hauling the water from the fucking sea). There's no way any person on this earth can continue his or her existence without making an impact.

Now, I'm not saying this guy and his family aren't making a difference. I'm saying he's not making much of a difference. Living in New York City, he's probably lowering the amount of energy used by about one millionth of a percent. Literally, but probably less than that, being as there are more than a million people in New York. It takes more than one family to change the effects of global warming.

So what am I trying to say here? Let's narrow it down.

they don't wipe their asses
their house smells from a home compost thingy
I'm a cynical prick

So aside from ridiculing these peoples way of life and being generally pessimistic, good on 'em. I think more people should do this low impact lifestyle. I'm not going to, but you go right ahead. I will continue to use all the electricity I want. I'll drive to and from work everyday. Also, I think I'll start throwing my plastic and asbestos directly into the water supply.

Somebody has to make up for the amount of waste they aren't making, right?

Blah Blah Blahg... V.1

2007-05-10T15:08:00.000-06:00

So, I decided to start a blog.

I don't intend on many people reading it. Nor do I care.

Why, do you ask, would I start a blog if nobody was going to read it? Because... that's why. Also, by asking stupid questions, you have thoroughly amused me for a few seconds, if not minutes, of my ultimately mundane existence.

Hopefully, I will be able to contribute something of more substance and value when I post again. Until then, BE GONE!