Deeply contained between the heart and mind of every soul lies an entire world.

Like the uniqueness of each man and woman, every world is completely unique: this world contains a history of knowledge and experiences, personal interactions and relationships, suffering and depression as well as wonderful thrills, love, and happiness.

The world resides within the confines of our minds. It is our consciousness. It is our personality. It is our ego, our sense of self, who we perceive ourselves to be and how we believe others view us. It is our story, our perspective, everything that has made us who we are, what we now do, and what we desire or wish to never become.

Within you is an entire world.

No different than our planetary home, Earth, there are vast tracts of our inner selves that remain undiscovered — or otherwise, merely unexplored. By our individual choice and our choice alone, we can choose to explore our own world. As so-called “renegades,” we choose to engage in deep contemplation and introspection — efforts of self-improvement and personal development — that intent to combat negative and destructive emotions and actions, while practicing and nurturing greater senses of goodness, compassion, and love that reap happiness for ourselves and for others around us.

Within others are entire worlds.

But life is much less about ourselves than it is about others. While we can, and should, do as much as we can to become better men and women for the sake of living an infinitely happier life and bettering the lives of those around us, we need to always remember that life is about others. Life is about connections: deep, meaningful connections through friendships and relationships and ordinary interactions with those who live around and among us.

Just as much as we each possess a rich world of experiences and offerings within us, others around us possess a world as well. The worlds of others offer the chance to learn and to grow — and especially to grow closer to that person.

A 6-Step Process

Becoming what I call a “spiritual explorer” begins with the desire and motivation to learn about the lives and the worlds of others. Exploring the world of another human being is much less about psychologically analyzing or critiquing them; the goal is not to diagnose their behaviors and issues as if we indisputably possess all the answers. Hardly. To become a spiritual explorer is about seeking to overcome ordinary and mundane superficiality in our human relationships and create genuine and compassionate interactions. The process is as easy as these six steps:

1. Talk Less About Yourself

Few people like to hear someone ramble nonsensically about themselves. The point of conversation is to engage another human being. Of course, it’s perfectly fine to discuss your thoughts and opinions over the course of conversation. But when you intently try to talk less about yourself, you are becoming a spiritual explorer because you are inviting the world of the other human being on the other side of the conversation to emerge.

2. Ask Questions

The second step is to ask questions of the other person. When you ask meaningful questions of that other person, you begin to build a bridge of compassion: letting him or her know that you’re not just talking for the sake of talking, but that you genuinely care. Exhibits of compassion and care help forge bridges of understanding and trust between you.

3. Deeply, Intently Listen.

Don’t just listen. Really, truly listen. Deeply reflect upon his or her words, their tone, the pitch and inflection and emotion in their voice. What is he or she really saying when they talk to you? What about their world are they revealing? What do you truly hear?

4. Ask More Meaningful Questions

Ordinary questions help build a bridge of conversation and trust between you and the other person. But those ordinary questions, combined with your deep listening, will naturally spark subsequent follow-up questions that will be much more meaningful. For example, what was once “So where are you from?” may become “What was it like for you and your family growing up there?” Or, perhaps, “What do your parents do for a living” might become “How did their divorce influence your decision to … ?”

5. Embody Positivity

The Buddhists say, “life is suffering.” To many degrees this is true: everybody in the world experiences sadness and suffering to varying degrees and at various points in their lives. You are no different. The man or woman on the other side of your conversation is no different. He or she has suffered. If the choice is yours to make (remember, it always is), would you not strive to embody positivity, encouragement, motivation, and inspiration to help alleviate some of his/her suffering and sincerely help them?

6. Be Compassion

Don’t just be compassionate: be compassion. To embody compassion is so simple and it’s impact can be monumental for a soul in need. In as little as telling someone “I am here for you,” or “Whenever you need to talk,” or “You can count on me to be there for you,” can really mean a lot to someone whom you wish to grow closer. And, when instinct takes over and compels you to follow up your offers with, “No, I really mean that,” then you know you are certainly upon the path of creating a genuine and compassionate interaction with another human being — a completely unique soul who has an entire world to share from within.

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The lure of anger is that it makes us feel empowered.

Moments of rage — even unabashed hatred — flush our veins with the overwhelmingly sensation of power.

Anger is indeed powerful. It seems to promise us protection, strength.

But the seductive nature of the emotion is what misleads us into believing that we are empowered by its presence. Unabashed anger creates a false-reality — an illusion of empowerment — that deceives us unto believing we are stronger and safer when we choose to get angry or allow rage to overcome us.

Anger is seductive.

Anger lures us. It entices us. Something about feeling angry is oddly but undeniably alluring. Envision a moment of ire in your head: Our hearts race uncontrollably. Adrenaline and heat surge throughout our bodies from head to toe. And although it feels wrong, something about it is just so… addicting. But, why?

When I think back to my days of playing lacrosse in high school, I remember those moments when getting really angry — about a penalty made against me or a cheap shot upon one of my teammates, for example — sparked a surreal feeling of strength, like I was unstoppable. Those bouts of rage felt like they benefited my game. But what I saw more than not was anger get the best of players, causing them to invoke fights, sustain major penalties, and receive game expulsions.

Within fits of anger, we begin to think that there exists a secret, naturally-occurring source of total empowerment. It’s like it’s there for the taking. Like a wild stallion that throws every would-be master from its back, it appears as if anyone can make this power theirs — if they are strong enough to control it. And so we think, “If only we could control the force of anger and harness its power for our will: for our own self-protection and to protect those whom we love and care about.” But the power that comes from anger is a dangerous one.

Anger is its own beast.

Negativity begets greater negativity, anger begets anger, and hatred begets hatred. The snowball effect of our anger is manifested in the forms of rage, fury, and blinding hatred — it clouds our natural sense of good judgment and overcomes patience and prudence.

A Marvel comic book superhero was dedicated to the concept of the remarkable strength and power that can arise through anger: the Incredible Hulk. No matter how strong or powerful we may feel — or, in the Hulk’s case, become — as a result of our anger, it can and will come to control us instead.

Anger is powerful, but uncontrollable. Attempting to harness it is a nowhere road: Like a cancerous tumor, inner rage will grow to proportions beyond our control and begin to hurt us — in irreversible ways. Worse, when one grows too accustomed to utilizing anger as a means of self-defense — a false embodiment of strength — he puts himself and others in great peril, not under protection. His anger will cloud his good judgment and any natural instinct that says what is right from wrong; that his behavior or attitude might be going to far.

All it takes is one “too far” moment resulting from one’s anger or rage to irreversibly change or destroy someone’s life — whether a stranger, your own, or the life of one you love. The lure of anger is one of false-empowerment. True strength is to diffuse our rage, to deny our fury, to recognize that true strength comes from peace of mind.

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Welcome to this “State of the Renegade” Address for August, 2010.

I recently decided to start making a monthly habit of writing short, monthly blog posts that give you a better and more transparent sense for all of the updates occurring at DaveUrsillo.com.

I call these updates the “State of the Renegade” Address :)

Here, I’ll recap recent aesthetic and functionality changes to the website, as well as to document and recap the progress what we have been making in our efforts to embody “Renegadeism.” After all, we’re in this thing called life together. It’s not a competition, and I value your readership and feedback so I hope you’ll offer me constructive criticism and suggestions in the comments section below!

1. Design Changes and Evolution: What do you think?

The design of DaveUrsillo.com has undergone some minute-but-necessary evolution. I dropped the “grunge” background in place of a Japanese-influenced painting of flying birds. Most noticeably, the DaveUrsillo.com logo went under major changes as well. The old “shadow” logo evolved into a Japanese Kanji symbol for “Chi” or Energy. I began to feel that the shadow was dated — like a college student still rocking a bowl-cut hairdo. Like the grunge background, it was time for the DaveUrsillo.com logo to evolve.

The goal with these design changes was to clean up the look and feel of the entire website — to give a better first impression to new visitors (probably 99% of whom ask the question, who the hell is Dave Ursillo?) and to place subtle emphasis on the diverse influence that other culture and spiritualities have on our explorations of life, inner peace and happiness.

2. Readership Growth: THANK YOU for your Support!

As of this writing, the monthly readership for DaveUrsillo.com (absolutely unique visitors, page-views per visit, time on site) are up 42.55%! That is epically awesome! I’m very satisfied, humbled and so appreciative about the steady, continual growth that the website is reading. A very big and genuine THANK YOU to all who make a point to visit DaveUrsillo.com and read what I try to offer every week.

Here’s what you can learn from my blogging experience: I attribute this steady growth to posting consistent, quality content on a schedule. Since March, I have made a point to write and publish new blog posts twice per week: every Monday and Thursday.

Blogging on such a schedule can sometimes feel daunting. At times I wonder, what the heck will I write about next? Am I not writing enough? Am I writing too much? What if I run out of ideas? But inevitably, the simple act of “living life” provides me with an endless amount of self-improvement and personal development  topics to explore.

3. Changes in my Personal Life: What about Yours?

I’m excited to announce that as of this September I will officially become a resident of Boston, Massachusetts. Growing up, it’s been a dream of mine since I was a kid to live in Boston — a great city with an amazing energy that, as a Rhode Islander, you’ve visited, cherished and worn the initial of on baseball caps and tee-shirts since you were little.

What kind of changes are ongoing in your personal life? I ask with good reason: as a reader of DaveUrsillo.com, I would love to get your feedback on subjects, philosophies or topics to explore. What kind of subjects or themes for blog posts would you like to see tackled here on DaveUrsillo.com from the “renegade” perspective?

4. “Grouped” Theme Blog Posts?

I’m beginning to think that it would be a pretty cool idea to write sequential blog posts on related subjects every few weeks. Do you think it would be enjoyable to read a string of similar topics? Imagine two or three blog posts that are published over the course of a couple weeks, all of which share a theme. The idea would not be to split up one long blog post into three pieces, but that each post could be read independently and on its own. Some examples could include:

• Love and Relationships
• Achievement and Success
• Hatred and Anger

…And so on. My goal with this strategy would be to invite readers feel more inclined to spend personal time intently exploring the subject, rather than just reading about it for a few minutes on my website. After all, the point of these blog posts and written pieces is to invite you, the reader, to really think about and explore these important subjects in your everyday life. The goal is to invite inner growth for the sake of our personal development, inner peace and happiness.

What are your thoughts on this idea? Do you enjoy being surprised by what kind of self-improvement and personal-development blog posts will be written twice per week on DaveUrsillo.com, or would you prefer the same “grouped” theme for a few blog posts, every couple of weeks?

Drop me an email Dave(at)DaveUrsillo.com or send me a Tweet (@DaveUrsillo on Twitter)!

Please let me know :) Much love as always!

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When you explicitly refuse to defend yourself amid the criticism of others — criticism of your career, your goals, your dreams, pursuits, lifestyle, whatever it may be — suddenly, critics realize that there is little about you to attack.

Defending yourself (or defending what is being criticized about you) only proves to others that something about you needs defending. When you mount a long-winded, logically-sound case in defense of your dreams and aspirations, the defense reveals that something about you and your lifestyle ought to be defended.

To be defenseless of the cerebral sphere

Defending oneself on this ethereal, spiritual level is quite unlike defending a country, a military base, or something physical that is in need of physical protection. That which is physical can be physically attacked, and thus can be physically destroyed.

That which is not physical but spiritual, mental, and emotional is wholly within: it cannot be touched, harmed or destroyed by the will or criticism of others, no matter how hard they try. Critics can never reach within the walls of your mind and destroy your dreams. Only you can destroy your dreams. Dreams are only destroyed by a dreamer’s choosing.

Yes, critics may mount and lambaste a dreamer for what he or she conjures — for what life we “ought” to lead or what kind of world we “should” strive to create. The literal and social attacks that they launch can truly be so severe that the dreamer succumbs to pressure and allows his or her dream to fade into darkness, to wither without a chance to bloom. Nevertheless, the dream dies only by the dreamer’s choosing.

Should we defend others who are being attacked by critics?

Yes, absolutely. The art of defenselessness is a personal practice — one of the many methods of self-improvement that, with focus and practice, can greatly aid our inner, spiritual development.

The art of defenselessness is a difficult ideal to strive for, but one that is so worth achieving. It entails great patience and understanding, offering your enemies and critics the benefit of the doubt, obligates you to shift your perspective in attempts to understand others’ criticism, and much more. However, we can’t ever expect others around us to be striving to attain the ideals we, as Renegades, set forth in our day-to-day lives. The men and women around us can only engage in such deeply-intimate personal development efforts by their choosing.

Neglecting to defend another person who is under scrutiny and criticism falls under the dangerous category of indifference – a social epidemic that history teaches us can even lead to genocide. When the choice is yours to make, you should always spring to the defense of another who is being unjustly criticized and ganged up on. The easy decision is to fall quiet, to be indifferent — to say, “Someone else will help that person.” If the choice is yours to make, make the choice to stand by the side of that person. Always.

But doesn’t neglecting to defend oneself reveal vulnerability and invite more criticism from others?

Unlike the physical realm where brute force can overcome, deter, and defeat the danger and predation of others, the inner realm is a place where only you reside. Your dreams are your own. Your visions, hopes, and wishes are your own. On this level, when you defend yourself you only present something that needs defense. When you present nothing to defend, attackers and critics soon realize their folly as you strive and overcome and achieve that which they cannot touch, cannot attack, and can’t ever destroy.

Do not defend yourself. Never defend yourself. For in the end, your defense only corroborates that something ought to be defended.

Master the art of defenselessness: overcome your natural reaction to want to respond and defend yourself amid criticism and judgment — even the most severe. For when you sit by idly as you are lashed by the unjust words of onlookers and naysayers, there will always be a silent few who recognize that the attack reveals more about the attacker than the one who sits defenseless.

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Any path to success is sure to be riddled with failures, setbacks, and rejection from others.

So too is the pursuit of any dream or goal — especially those that are very near and dear to your heart — sure to guarantee you encounters with vocal, hurtful criticism.

However, that criticism can provide a world of benefit to us: just as learning to love rejection can help us condition the workings of our minds to better encounter temporary setbacks and shortcomings (and ultimately help propel us to achieve our goals), even the most hurtful criticism can benefit the long-term viability of our pursuits.

Use these following 8 “mantras” or phrases to spark an inner, emotional transformation that will help you begin to accept the criticism you hear — even the most vocal and hurtful criticism. With time, your new-found balance and inner peace will provide you with an empowering sense of acceptance that frees from the need to defend yourself with critics; you thus find a great source of strength and feeling of liberation.

Mantra One

“Thankful for all the criticism that I can hear. Thank you. For you drive me so much harder.”

Harness vocal and hurtful criticism as a source of defiant motivation. Of course, being spiteful and vindictive is not the goal, for those only serve to embolden your ego and feelings of pride, anger and resentment. Rather, use the words of critics as a source of thankfulness. As much as their words may hurt and embarrass you, give thanks for them: there is sure to be some greater good to come of their anger. Defiantly harness their words as the means to drive you further, harder, faster, and more determined toward your dreams.

Mantra Two

“Does that vocal, intentionally hurtful criticism wound? Of course! But let it hurt. If only so I know my mission is having some effect.”

Vocal criticism tells us that others are paying attention. Without others paying attention, watching, reading or listening, we’re simply pursuing our goals for the sake of our own personal achievement. Life is about connections: it’s about interacting with and living both amongst and for others. When others criticize us unfairly, we should take solace from recognizing that our work and pursuits are influencing the lives of others. If your intentions are pure, if your work is just, if your direction is true, it will benefit even the critics who belittle and berate you.

Mantra Three

“Pure agreement and praise is so problematic. It falsely lures the ego. Criticism and hurt is the only measure of progress, of success.”

It’s natural to wish to be praised for what we do: positive reinforcement gives us a wonderful feeling of encouragement, self-worth and success. But when we begin to grow accustomed to outright praise, we grow incredibly insecure and detrimentally worried when vocal praise is lacking. On the flip side, vocal criticism benefits us because it gives us the chance to respond: we may choose to respond verbally and aloud, or quietly, only to ourselves. If we respond aloud in defense of ourselves and our goals, we are only acknowledging our own insecurities. Let your response be within. This is where true liberation is derived.

Mantra Four

“What is life but a series of setbacks, failures? Don’t despair at the revelation! For all those unpleasantries give us the chance to succeed.”

Growing up in New England, I’ve gotten used to long and harsh winters. Even though I dislike them thoroughly, I’ve tried to condition myself to using the winter months to more greatly appreciate summer months of warmth and lush growth. Similarly, all of the setbacks, failures, and criticisms we encounter on the path of our pursuits and dreams should be understood as temporary, fleeting times of unpleasantness that will pass and serve to make us truly appreciate every little success. Without criticism, praise would seem trivial — just as perpetual summer in tropical paradises eventually become taken for granted.

Mantra Five

“Lambaste me with your words, exact your spiteful torture. Spread your rumor and gossip. And let there be but a quiet few who may disagree.”

Now begin to evolve our simple acknowledgment of criticism to an invitation for more of it. Criticism, we begin to understand, is beneficial to us in so many ways. Take up the mantle of the martyr to your cause. If you are willing to sacrifice yourself to criticism and unfair judgments from others, then you have proven that the cause is truly worthy of your time and emotional investment. Embrace the suffering caused by critics’ harsh words, as they serve to embolden the strength of your inner spirit.

Mantra Six

“I fear the day I walk, speak, write without contention. For that is the day that I can be assured, everything I do is wrong.”

If the pursuit of your goals and dreams is without discontent, objection or criticism, you should criticize the value and worth of what you are pursuing. Although one wouldn’t invite outright hate or disdain for your goals and dreams, if there are none who disagree with you — if you are not challenging or striving to change the status quo — you might want to reconsider if the financial and personal investment in your goals will have any valued impact.

Mantra Seven

“I know when others speak ill that others walk in agreement. For the quiet supporter is the greatest–stronger than the boisterous critic.”

Let the humility and hurt that comes from their hurtfulness to make you appreciate those that support and stand by you that much more. Be grateful that there are those few who side with you: during times of need, their support, however limited, will feel truly limitless.

Mantra Eight

“To be humbled and grateful for others’ venom. What a bizarre feeling to be overcome by such peace!”

Unique power lies within even the harshest and most unjust of criticism. We can use it for our own gain and advance our dreams and pursuits all the further. Be gracious and humbled by their critiques. Question if their words are justified, but never fall to the depths of rampant insecurity and self-doubt. You are all that you need to succeed. With time, and by recalling these mantras, you gradually gain a refreshing and new sense of empowerment and inner peace: what was once pure venom that pained you, has become hardly criticism at all.

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