Ayatollah Khamenei's Attorney Explains It All

David — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:19:48 -0500

Click here for the latest on Sarah Palin from Studio33

Part 2 Of My Interview With LA County Coroner

David — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:41:43 -0500

Michael Jackson's Memorial Set For Tomorrow

David — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:16:22 -0500

David Feldman Live At The Icehouse

David — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 16:11:01 -0500

Click Here To Listen

LA Gets Ready For Jackson Memorial

David — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 15:30:00 -0500

Click Here To Listen To Today's Podcast

Sarah Can't Stand The Heat

David — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 16:08:02 -0500

Sarah Palin Calls It Quits

David — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 14:26:07 -0500

Todays Podcast

Ruth Madoff Loses Penthouse

David — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 16:53:03 -0500

This Week In Impotence

David — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:58:49 -0500

Sarah Palin resigned as Governor of Alaska. Glad somebody in that family knows how to pull out. You know Sarah, there's an old saying in politics, "If you can't stand the heat, get back in the kitchen AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH!!!"

Palin should gain custody of Prince Michael, Paris and Blanket since she’s the only asswipe in the world who could have possibly named them. In a new Vanity Fair article Sarah Palin reportedly announced the birth of Trig via e-mails signed by “God.” Palin is convinced “God” speaks through her. I don’t know about your “God” Sarah, but my “God” knows Africa is a continent.

Karl Malden died. Maybe he can lend Michael Jackson some of his nose.

On Friday Feds kicked Ruth Madoff out of her Manhattan penthouse. On Saturday she was on Madison holding a sign that read, "Will Ignore Financial Irregularities For Zabar's." Meanwhile in prison hubbie Bernie Madoff officially went from a Power Broker to a Power Bottom.
A judge sentenced him to 150 years in prison. 150 years? I'm confused because Bernie’s white and crack wasn't involved. But Bernie’s no fool. He’s bundling those 150 years, slicing them up into derivatives and having 40,000 unsuspecting retirees serve the sentences for him.

Alas let’s focus on the positive. Like all the kids Michael Jackson didn't molest. Now it turns out right before he died Michael had a 7-year-old will. And a 10-year-old Todd. Some good news. In two more days Michael Jackson's lifetime dream will finally come true. He will look exactly like Diana Ross.

Michael will be sorely missed by millions. And those are just the people who own pharmaceutical stocks. I seem to have lost my Official Hollywood Handbook. Anyone recall how many Grammies you need to make it OK to share your bed with young boys? Ah, Hollywood values. Let’s hope after Phil Spector croaks we can all focus on his music instead of that unfortunate lapse of judgment when he offed a chick.

And talk about creepy, turns out Michael rented that house he OD’d in from Mary Kate Olsen.

Today's Heart Health Tip: When the doctor performing C.P.R. on you is named Murray, and he's not a Jew— switch HMOs.

I still can't figure out which quack was the bigger criminal: The one injecting Michael with Demerol or the one injecting Debbie Rowe with sperm. Actually Michael had two doctors. He got his Demerol from Dr. Feel Good, and his roofies from Dr. Bad Touch.

Joe Jackson suspects morphine addiction after noticing Michael didn’t seem to cry that much when he smacked him around. Joe wants a second autopsy. Even in death Michael keeps going under the knife just to please daddy. Joe appeared at the BET Awards promoting his new record label, which is on Back And Blu Ray. Then Paramount counted all those plastic surgeries Joe forced on his kids and asked him to direct Transformers 3.

The kids are going to grandma. So maybe Joe can smack some talent into them. As to be expected Debbie Rowe is worried about the children. You know Debbie if you really cared about those kids you never would have had them in the first place. If you recall Debbie once worked as a dental assistant. She got Michael's sperm by saying, "OK, now spit."
That's your week in impotence.

Today's Podcast

David — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:06:12 -0500

David Feldman is Impotent - David Feldman: comedian, writer, raconteur and prizefighter.