It’s a movie called I Bought a Zoo.

Now, before you tune this blog out there’s a lesson here.

How many of you have seen the movie I Bought a Zoo?

The movie itself is one of those tearjerkers. Okay, it is extreme honesty month here and I’m going to be honest: I love cheesy, romantic, family movies when I’m on an airplane.

I don’t know why, but I just really enjoy those sweet sappy movies. But only on an airplane. No clue why. Probably because I’m up in the air and I’m relaxed—it’s fun.

Anyway, I’ve got to tell you something, this movie had one of the most powerful lessons in the world, and all of you need to go see this movie just for this one reason.

The main character lived his life a certain way. He had a motto. He would say: “All you need is 20 seconds of being fearless.” That’s it. You just need to be fearless for 20 seconds.

There’s a scene in the movie where he took his kids to show them how he met their mother, who passed away. He was walking down a street, and he saw this beautiful woman in a coffee shop.

::Spoiler Alert::

He thought about it for a second, and then he decided he was going to walk in there. While he walked in, he just kept telling himself ‘20 seconds, 20 seconds, 20 seconds…’

He looked right at her and asked, “Why would a beautiful woman like you talk to a guy like me?”

And she says, “Why not?”

And that was the woman he ended up marrying. True story. 20 seconds of being fearless.

There’s another scene in the movie with the kid, his son, who he had trouble talking with. He went through this whole dynamic with him, and said, “Just be fearless for 20 seconds.”

And the kid did, and he got the girl that he liked.

Just 20 seconds of being fearless.

Think about how powerful that message is. 20 seconds. You see a girl, you take a deep breath, and you say whatever you can, whatever comes out of your mouth, and that’s it.

Do that every day. Live by that mantra every day.

And watch this movie. This is how real life happens.

It’s time for all of you to get your 20 seconds of being fearless everyday.

And if you want to learn how I became fearless, check this out:

http://www.davidwygant.com/fearless-code.html

Oops.

Isn’t that the Indianapolis 500 race that’s going on this weekend?

Well, I have no interest in watching a bunch of cars spin around a racetrack. How could it get more boring than that?

But yet it seems to captivate many people.

Have you seen the women at those events? Oh, man. Full of tattoos, with their ta-tas bouncing in their little tank tops.

It’s full of women everywhere.

It’s Middle America’s version of the beach, so I can see the allure.

To you guys on the coasts or on the lake or for you guys that live near rivers or pools: this is bikini season, and all of you are about to make the most critical mistake on the very first weekend of summer.

You’re going to see a woman in a bikini that you’re attracted to and you’re going to do what so many guys do: stare at her and fixate on her and scare the hell out of her and not talk to her.

Basically, you’re going to spook her and you’ll have no chance to redeem yourself.

You know what I do when I see a woman in a bikini?

I walk over and I claim her, and I do it the instant I see her.

I check out her bikini, check out the way she looks, look at her lines and curves, her breasts, her ass. I take it all in really quickly and then I count to three in my head and I say, “There is nothing to fear. I own her. She’s mine, and I’m going to go see if she’s worthy of me.”

I walk directly over and I look at her and I’ll say something based on whatever observation that comes to my mind.

“Can I borrow some suntan lotion?”

“What kind of beer is that you’re drinking?”

“Hey, you want to play some ball?”

I’ll say anything.

And when I talk to her I’ll look directly in her eyes and I’ll ignore that incredible little polka dot bikini top that makes her breasts ever so perky and succulent.

I will keep eye contact the whole time when talking to her. That’s what a man does. A man doesn’t stare, a man doesn’t elbow his friends, a man doesn’t look at her tits while having a conversation with her.

And that’s it.

It’s so easy.

Summer can be dangerous with all the clothes coming off and skin showing and skirts shortening and breast bouncing…it can be stimulation overload, guys.

But you need to be strong, confident, and focused while remembering to just have fun.

If you can do that, you’re going to have an incredible summer.

And yet, yesterday I heard one of the biggest lies people tell…

Are you ready for the biggest lie?

Here it is: “You’re never going to find one this clean.”

When people are selling their cars they get some emotional attachment to the vehicle.  They think their vehicle is the best vehicle in the entire world even though they know their vehicle needs repairs.

“It’s the best out there…you’ll just needs brakes, and many other things…

…but you’ll never find one this clean.”

It’s funny because I actually looked at somebody’s car the other day.  It was cool, but not completely right for me.

Then the man turned, looked at me intensely and said, “You know, you’ll never find another one this clean.”

So I looked at him and I smiled and then started laughing.

He asked me ‘what’s so funny?’

I said, “Really. Really, you think I’ll never find one this clean? This is the only clean car that’s out there of the 26 million people that live in California—you have the cleanest car? Let’s take a look at this really clean car…”

So I walked around and I saw a couple of scuffs on the rim pointed them out.  I went in and opened the hood, checked out the engine, and made sure he saw all the grease in there.

“I don’t know, that doesn’t seem that clean…”

I walked around, found a good-sized door ding, and then a couple of paint chips.

“Come on man.  I can see that you took care of the care, but if you want to tell me that I’ll never find one this clean, well…the only clean cars are the brand new ones.  Those are clean.  Those are awesome.  Those are super, super clean.  This one? Not so much.”

So it’s time that you stop using those.  Yes, there are a million cars out there.  Yes, there are a lot of them that are super clean.  But it’s time that you stop using these little lies.  Nothing’s prefect, everything has a scratch.

I’ve been redecorating my new place.  Been finding a lot of stuff off on Craigslist, which is a lot of fun.

Now, furniture people are different.

When you ask them about an antique, you’ll probably ask them to tell you about the scuffs and scratches. They’ll go right ahead and show you. There’s really complete honesty.

Car sellers—and this is interesting—lie like crazy. And it’s funny because people hate going to buy cars from a dealer because they think the dealer is lying to them, but in reality the owner’s lying, the seller’s lying—they’re all lying.

That’s the reason why people hate buying a car so much because everybody walks around thinking that they’ve got the time machine from Back to the Future or something—some special car that I’m never going to find anywhere.

So it’s time we took extreme honesty month to another level.

In your negotiations that you’ve had with people, have you ever just wanted to ask them, “Are you kidding me?”

Have you ever wanted to call someone out for some ridiculous statement or generalization?

Now is the time.

It’s the last week of extreme honesty month—lets be more honest than we’ve ever been before.

You’re never going to find another opportunity like this one.

Whenever you see a dog attached to a woman, get down on one knee and interact with the dog.

Then look at the woman, and ask:

“What’s your dog’s name?”

Nine times out of ten, the dog is going to have an old lady name: Lucy, Daphne, Isabelle.  It seems like there’s a trend going on right now that all dogs are now named after old ladies.

It’s funny.

Okay, now you need to look at her and say this:

“You know, it’s really funny, you know what I’ve noticed, so many people name their dogs after old ladies.  It’s really bizarre.  I’ve met Maude’s, I’ve met Isabelles, I’ve met Ruths…”

Then they start laughing and shaking their head, all the while you’re creating an emotional connection.

“Oh my god, you’re so right!”

“But you know what’s funny?—kids are now also named after dogs.  Just the other day I met a kid named Dakota.  When I was growing up, only dogs were named Dakota. I’ve met kids named Chance.  I’ve met kids named Spot—okay, no, maybe not Spot…”

Then they’ll say “oh my god, it’s so true,” and tell you about a friend of theirs who named their kid after some name that used to be a dog name.

This is something you can use to really help build your confidence.  When you’re building your confidence, you need to be able to rely on certain things, certain common observations that you can use over and over again.

Make it your own.

Let it be natural.

Be generally interested in the dog. Connect and make her laugh.

There’s another variation of this also.

What I’ll do is I’ll get down on one knee, I’ll look right up at her, and she’ll think I’m proposing and I’ll look at her and say, “Look I’m not proposing, I’m just getting down here to play with your dog.  What’s his name?”

And she’ll giggle like a schoolgirl. What you just did was subtly reenact her childhood fantasy—you got down on one knee just like the prince talking to the princess.

Women are very much wired that way: the prince and the princess.  They’ve watched movies since they were little girls and they always to be the princess.

So there you are on one knee and you’re talking to her and you’re playing with the dog and immediately you’ve already told her you’re not going to propose so she’s subconsciously already thinking, “God this guy is cool.  Wow, he’s down on one knee…”

So much of life is based on your subconscious and you’ve got to understand that.   It’s really important to really understand the subconscious thinking of women, and how you can get into their subconscious mind right away.

If you’ve ever stood by a stand—it could be a vegetable stand, fruit stand, or brownie stand, it could be in a hospital cafeteria, it could be at Whole Foods—there’s always an opportunity there to see a woman become indecisive.

Women are very indecisive in certain ways.

Think about when you’re going out with a woman, and you ask them, “Hey, what do you want for dinner?” They usually say, “What do you want?” They want you to make the decision.

We’re wired like we used to be, as cave men and cave women. We haven’t changed in our internal programming.

A woman wants a man to lead all the time. When a man leads, a woman is turned on. When a man is decisive, the indecisive woman is turned on. She wants you to be the leader.

So a great exercise is to go to a market, and just watch. Just stand by a stand of brownies, or cake, or pastries, and watch women look around.

Watch their eyes go from one brownie to the pastry to the muffin. They can’t make a decision. So, in that situation, you need to walk over to them and say this:

“I know.  It’s a tough choice, isn’t it?  It’s really hard, but what are you in the mood for? Do you want the chocolate? Do you want the coconut? Or is it the apple pie?”

Engage her a little bit. And then she’ll look at you and say:

“I don’t really know what I want…”

And that’s when you need to help her out.

Help her figure out what she wants because here’s the deal: On a very deep, subconscious level, she’s looking at you—without even realizing it—as a leader.

So much of life is very subconscious. You’ve helped her through this painful process of picking out a pastry to go with her lunch. And as simple a process as that was for you, she’s in awe—she’s looking at you as a real man.

In her eyes, you’re a man that takes control, a real leader, and this is what she wants in a mate.

Quick decision-making: it’s something that you’ve got to learn to do.

There are many characteristics of the attractive leader of men—this is just one of them.

Identify the attributes of the man that you want to be and slowly incorporate them into your personality and life.

Indecisive women everywhere are waiting.

There seems to be a game being played nowadays called Finding Jesus.

When you find him and you become a born-again, all your mistakes miraculously vanish.

They disappear.

They’re no longer valid.

It’s amazing.

I was working with a client at the gym yesterday. He turns to me and says, “You see that woman over there on the elliptical?”

“Yea…”

“Do you know who she is?”

“Uh, she’s a blonde woman at the gym,” I said.

“Yes, and she’s one of the biggest pornstars in the past 20 years! She did every anal scene out there before anal was even cool.”

“Wow, dude. It’s scary that you know this.”

“Yea…well, I watched a lot of porn.  My dad didn’t hide his stash very well. And I never forget a face…or an ass.”

“And what am I going to do with all this information?” I asked.

“Well, she found Jesus, and now she’s free.  She’s basically living a whole different life.”

“Great, I’m glad for her.  I’m glad she found Jesus.  People have been looking for Jesus for a long time.  Where did she find him?  Was he here at the gym?  Was he on the 405?  Was he at Coffee Bean?  Was he at Starbucks? …Was he at Whole Foods?”

“Yeah, now she’s all about her kid and everything else, and her whole past life has been erased now that she’s found Jesus.”

I said, “Yeah, I get it.  People go to Jesus to erase all their stuff in life instead of embracing it, dealing with it, and making amends with it on their own.  They basically say to themselves ‘I killed three people, I now found Jesus, and I am saved.’”

Bullshit.

I’m so sick of that.

Here’s the deal: regardless of whatever you’ve done in your past, if you then decide to go find Jesus, it doesn’t erase what happened.

Your past is a barometer of who you are.  All your past lessons, all your past experiences have made you the person that you are.  Jesus is not going to take that away from you. Nobody will take that away from you.

The only thing you need to do is look at your past and figure out what lessons you learned.

My past is wonderful—it’s how I became the person who I am right now.  I don’t want my past erased.  I don’t need to have my past erased, and I don’t need to find anybody.

I’m not against religion.  If you want to go find Jesus, go ahead—look for him.  There are rumors of where he is all the time.  He was a grilled cheese sandwich a few years ago.  Then they put him on eBay.

I’m not bashing religion.  What I’m bashing is the mindset that you can just erase your entire history. It doesn’t work that way.  Life doesn’t work that way, and I’m tired of people doing that.

I know I’m going to get a lot of hell for this blog today. (Get it?) I know you think that it probably has nothing to do with dating, but that’s 100% wrong.

I know people who say that they’ve found Jesus, and now it doesn’t matter if they were sluts for 10 years.

So what if you were a slut? Embrace it.  Whatever you were, embrace it.  Learn from it, grow from it, and be proud of your past.

You don’t need to cop-out and say that you’re looking for Jesus on the side of the road to erase all the sins you’ve done.  I don’t believe that they were sins in the first place.  

We all make choices, and these choices are what make us the people that we are today.

Embrace. Your. Everything.

Somebody who who hears that women don’t want to be approached, so you don’t do it.

Somebody who hears that women don’t want to be met at a supermarket, so you don’t do it.

Somebody who hears that women don’t want to be met on the street, so you don’t do it.

Are you constantly trying to validate your own excuses by looking to the masses to validate what you’re feeling?

I was talking to a client today. He looked at me and said, “Women just don’t want to be approached at the gym. I talked to several of my girlfriends about it, and that’s the general consensus.

I said great, “I am so glad that several of your girlfriends know the exact answer for every single woman in the entire world. Every woman in the entire world doesn’t want to be approach at the gym? Yeah, you’re right…that validates your excuses.”

My client starts laughing and says, “You know, they are women. They said that they don’t like to be approached at all.”

“Oh my god, was it the same group of women that basically told you that women don’t want to be approached at the gym? Did you get them all together one day and just ask them these things to validate your own fear?”

Here’s the deal guys: I couldn’t give a shit what the masses say.

I do my own thing.

If I want to approach somebody at a gym, at a coffee shop, or at a supermarket, I do it. If I find somebody interesting, if I like their energy, I’m going to go find out who they are.

I do it because I never want to go home and say to myself, “Oh God, why didn’t I go talk to that person, why didn’t I go meet this person?”

Stop listening to the masses and start doing what your heart wants.

Stop validating excuses, that’s all you’re doing. You’re looking for somebody to validate your own excuses and whenever you do that, you can always find it.

Instead, go for what you want.

And whenever I move into a new place, I really like to re-decorate it with new things.

Every place has a different energy. Every place has a different feel to it. Every place has a different environment.

The sounds at night, the way the light shines through the windows, the way the sun wakes you up in the morning at different times—they all vary with each new place.

Every place is a blank canvas and whenever I move, I like to re-do the entire place.

And when I seek to redecorate, I only use a couple resources.

Firstly, I’m a master at Craigslist.

I will comb through Craigslist and I will find all the best deals. I truly believe that whatever you buy for a place is perfect for just that place and you should be able to re-sell it again and literally get all your money back when you move. It’s something I’ve been doing for a long time and I enjoy it.

Not only that, but along the way you tend to meet some really interesting people.

Lately, I’ve been looking for the perfect sofa for my office. I’m into the mid-century furniture and I like to throw in some modern pieces as well—some metals and everything else in there because I do like the kind of industrial-yet-classic look.

I look online and usually I’ll go from one link to the next until I find what I’m looking for. Recently, I found a really cool company in Los Angeles called apt2B.com. They’ve got amazing stuff: couches, bedroom furniture, bathroom items, kitchen stuff, home decor, everything; and the prices are ridiculous.

You guys are about to understand me a lot better. I really do geek out about certain things: dating/relationships, flipping cars, and business—good business.

What really impressed me about apartment2B is their customer service. I sent them an e-mail about a sofa, I described exactly what I was looking for and I got in touch with a gentleman named Alex.

Alex treats business like I do. When a customer e-mails, he gives them an answer. He tries to find something that’s perfect for them and tries to get as much information as possible.

I sent Alex pictures of one of my rooms and he actually found the perfect sofa to go with the room, a sofa that I really wasn’t going to even think about the first time around.

Customer service, it’s a dying breed nowadays.

Most companies don’t give a shit about customer service. They take you through a telephone robot tree; they don’t answer your e-mail; they just don’t care about you, they care about your money.

They want to make it simple and easy—for them—while forgetting about the human connection.

And you all know how much I preach about making real connections.

For over a week Alex and I have been e-mailing back and forth. We’ve gotten to know one another. He’s a good guy.

I know that he’s nice. I know that he moved here from New York. I got to know him and it made buying from them really amazing because, like me, the guys over at apartment2B are all about customer service.

For example, one guy e-mailed me about a bootcamp.  We got on the phone, we talked about it, and we got to know one another.

Have any of you guys e-mailed me about specific product?  I’ve e-mailed you back personally.  Customer service is everything in life.  It’s the beginnings of communication.

The reason why I bought the sofa from Apartment 2B was not only because of the great deal that they gave me, but also because of the customer service.  I was treated the exact way I’d like to be treated.  That’s the same reason why I fly American Airlines, and the same reason why, despite my desire for an iPhone, I stick with T-Mobile—their customer service is spot on.

Life is all about how you treat people.  And when you’re treated great, and when you treat other people great, people gravitate to you.  People want to do things for you.  People want to give you deals.

So if you’re looking for furniture for a new place, or you want to get some good design ideas, check out apt2B.com.  It’s a cool site: great people and a really great experience.

And this being extreme honesty month, I want to tell you something: most companies suck at customer service.  So if you work for a company, get on the ball, treat people great, and make your customers feel like friends.

. . .

Hopefully, all of you have learned something today. 

What was the worst customer service experience you’ve ever had?

How do you feel when you walk into your neighborhood store—do you feel like a friend or do you feel anonymous?

“David, I met this woman who I’m so aligned with. I can feel her.

The chemistry is off the charts. It’s ridiculous.

We talk and we totally understand one another.

I feel like I’m touching her without even touching her.

I understand her, she understands me. There’s one issue.

I’m 60. She’s 30. How do I get her to want to be with me?”

Listen very carefully to what that terminology is: How do I get her to want to be with me?

Getting someone to want to be with you means that you’re actually going into salesman mode, so you’re selling somebody the benefits.

You might as well state it like this, “Hey, look, I’m a great guy, I can have sex with you better than any other man in the world. I’m going to be cool. I’m old, I’m wise, I could teach you so many things…”

Blah blah blah. That’s not the way things work. The second you go into salesman mode when you meet somebody is the second you give any and all power away.

Here’s the deal: 60 and 30 is not going to work long-term. It won’t. It can’t.

A 30-year-old woman has way too much going on in her life, way too many experiences. She probably wants a family. She’s got so many things she wants to do and experience that by the time she’s 45 or 50, she doesn’t want to be with a 75 or 80-year-old guy, and that’s understandable.

Life is about the moment. When two people meet and gravitate towards one another, it doesn’t always have to be permanent. It can be something that can just be a week or two or three or a month or four months or a year.

Everybody in life is a messenger for you. People are there to teach you things that you can learn from. That’s the beauty of what dating and what life is all about.

So my 60-year-old friend asked me, “What if I’m honest with her like you told me to be and she just doesn’t really want to go any further? What do I do?”

You tell her this:

“Look, I’m 60, you’re 30. You’re an experience for me and I’m an experience for you. We’re going to share things, we’re going to learn from one another, and our time will be up whenever it’s meant to be up. But why deny a connection? Why deny something where you can both grow as people? That’s what expanding yourself is all about and I can understand if you have fears about it, but I’m not looking to spend the rest of my existence with you because I don’t expect you to wheel me around the nursing room in 15 years. But right now I’m young, I’m viral, and there’s something here that I want to explore.”

And then you shut up.

Most people can’t even do this last part because the uncertainty is better than the possibility of rejection.

But I urge you to step into the uncertainty, for that’s where all life’s gifts are hiding.

If someone doesn’t get back to you, you start assuming the negative.

You start creating this really negative story inside your mind.

“Ooh, they didn’t get back to me because…” and then you list all the reasons why in your negative head—why the person didn’t get back to you.

You then engage your friends, and ask, “Why do you think they didn’t get back to me?” And then you all sit down and create a whole story that doesn’t even exist—you just keep assuming.

Or maybe you text somebody, and they don’t get back to you.  And then you send them another text saying:

Hey, obviously you don’t want to hang…

Obviously? Maybe that somebody was busy.

I hate when people do that to me.  To be honest—since it’s extreme honesty month—it drives me up the wall.

I didn’t get back to you because I had something else going on.  I wasn’t living by my phone.  I didn’t have it in my hip constantly.  I don’t answer my texts 24/7. I’m not some doctor, on-call.

Basically the reason why I wouldn’t text somebody back immediately is because I have a life, and the life that I’m living is more interesting than being glued to my phone.

The next time you go on creating a story in your mind, think to yourself: maybe this person is enjoying their day and having a life.

Get out of your head. Get out of the negativity zone. And if you are in that negative zone, don’t communicate with anyone from that place.

Don’t send the negative follow up text.

Don’t call and leave the annoyed voicemail message.

Be cool. Go out, have fun, and let everything happen as it should.