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Now available on Audible.com for free. 

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Because it just does.

(Via somewhereontheinternetjustgoogleit)

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Dear Internet,

Remember that kid in elementary school who was like, totally convinced he was a professional wrestler? Did he ever become a wrestler?

Thanks,
Davis

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Good old-fashioned writing, the high altitude way. Thank you, Field Notes.

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A 16mm Kodachrome film of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge collapsing on 7 November 1940 in Tacoma, Washington. Apparently shot by Barney, the local camera shop owner. At least, that's what Wikipedia says.

Unfortunately, Barney himself didn't get a Wikipedia page.

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Dear Internet,

So I just had like, a really amazing idea for 2011. Someone should record a really good album — like double-rainbow-good — and then we will all listen to it and be amazed and high-five that person for recording a really good album and the year will be most excellent.

Who's in?

Sincerely,
Davis 

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Dear Internet,

So, if you didn't know already, I'm working on a new short film right now, called 'We Come From the Sea'. If I haven't already told you about it personally, the story is both amazing and ambitious. Which is really another way of saying that it's sort of expensive.

A while ago, I planted a money tree in my back yard, but it hasn't started blooming all that great cash yet (hey, it's winter). So in the meantime, I've got a little fundraising thing set up over at Kickstarter. You may have heard of the site recently, because some really amazing and really creative projects have been funded through it.

I'm aiming to raise $20,000 for the budget, and while I know that no one has that much in their change jars or whatever, every single dollar counts. So if you have a couple bucks, maybe instead of buying a coffee one day, contribute to an amazing film instead. Don't get me wrong — coffee is amazing. I'm a huge fan. But wouldn't it be much more awesome to help make a movie?

I mean, picture this:

SOME GUY: Hey dude, how has your day been?

YOU: Eh, pretty good. Had a nice coffee this morning.

SOME GUY: Lame. So, so lame. You should leave.

or alternatively:

SOME GUY: Hey dude, how has your day been?

YOU: Eh, pretty good. Helped finance a new film being shot in London and Spain. You know, the usual.

SOME GUY: Ohmygod you are amazing. A true hero. Here, take my car.

See, Internet? See how much more awesome-r you could be?

So check out the little intro video below, or head over to the Kickstarter page for this film, and send over a few dollars. Or a thousand. Whatever floats your boat.

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See the full gallery on Posterous

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See the full gallery on Posterous

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See the full gallery on Posterous

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Dear Internet,

First of all, let me be absolutely clear. I don't speak Spanish. Like, at all. I know it's shameful. I grew up in America, a country where it's actually difficult to not encounter Spanish regularly. Yeah, London has less of that whole thing, but that's beside the point. You'd think I would have picked up a few words here and there.

And I'm bilingual, by the way. (Yes, Latvia is still a country, no matter what they say). So, you'd think I would at least pick up on languages easily. Let me answer that for you real quick: no I cannot.

For example, I took French in high school. Not Spanish, like most sensible people did. I thought I'd be extra rebellious and take a language that would be of minimal use in America. 

And do I still speak French? The last time I was in Paris, and I had to check something online, I asked a waiter if he would like some of my Wifi. So, no, I most certainly do not speak French. And I should probably stay away from it, for the safety of others.

So there we were in Spain a few weeks ago, doing location scouting. Which went incredibly well, by the way. Amazing country. One evening, we get back to the rental car after dinner, to find out it's minutes from being towed. Why? Because we parked across the street from a parking garage. I know. In any case, we get a parking ticket, but we have to leave the next day so we're all like ah screw it, let's deal with this when we get back to London.

Today I call up one number after another, and nobody picks up, anywhere. I try a few municipal building phones, and some traffic police phones. It's after two in the afternoon there, so I figure they must be having nap time, but I persevere, because surely someone must be up, doing a milk and cookie run for everyone, and might happen to pass by the ringing phone.

Someone finally answers, and the following is a transcript of how it went:

DAVIS: Hello. I was recently in the Almeria region, and I got a parking ticket that I would like to pay.

GUY: Spanish spanish spanish spanish.

DAVIS: Oh. Hm, do you speak English?

GUY: Spanish spanish spanish. Spanish spanish English?

DAVIS: Ah yeah, English. Do you speak English?

GUY: Spanish spanish no.

DAVIS: Ehhh. Does anyone there speak Enlglish? I'm sorry, but I can't do Spanish.

GUY: Spanish spanish. Spanish spanish, spanish spanish?

DAVIS: Oh man. Uhh. Dude I don't know what you're saying.

GUY: Ehh. Spanish spanish? Spanish spanish.

clicking and ringing noises -- I'm getting transferred apparently

LADY: Spanish spanish spanish.

DAVIS: Ah hello.

LADY: Hello.

DAVIS: Do you speak English?

LADY: Spanish spanish no English spanish spanish.

DAVIS: Oh dude I don't know what to say. I need to pay a parking ticket.

LADY: Spanish spanish?

clicking and ringing noises -- I'm getting transferred again

GUY: Spanish spanish.

DAVIS: Dude, I'm sorry but I can't do the whole Spanish thing. Does anyone in your office speak English?

GUY: Ah English.

DAVIS: Oh great. Yeah. English. Do you speak English at all?

GUY: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. A little.

DAVIS: Awesome. Okay, so I got a parking ticket in Almeria recently, but I'm in London now. How do I pay it?

GUY: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Spanish spanish?

DAVIS: Uhh, a parking ticket. I got a ticket.

GUY: Ah, parking yes?

DAVIS: Yeah, parking. I got a ticket for it.

GUY: Ehhhh, spanish spanish parking spanish?

DAVIS: A parking ticket. I got like a parking violation. A fine. Ticket. Violation. Car. Automobile me bad park.

GUY: Spanish spanish spanish.

DAVIS: Ughhhhhhhhh.

GUY: Spanish spanish? Spanish.

DAVIS: Dude I really don't know what to do here.

GUY: Spanish spanish spanish spanish spanish.

DAVIS: Uhhhh.

GUY: Ehhhhh.

DAVIS: Ughh.

GUY: Ehhhhh.

DAVIS: I have no idea what is going on.

GUY: Ehhhh.

DAVIS: Ah dammit.

GUY: Ehhhh.

I pass the phone over to M., who I hope might have better luck. She manages to say things, with the ingenious help of Google Translate, and the guy apparently gets some of it. They even go as far as the license plate, which M. begins to read off from the parking ticket, but then immediately gets stuck after the numbers when she encounters alphabet letters.

Apparently there are a bunch of ways to pronounce the letter 'g' that I was totally not aware of, and none of which seemed to do the trick with Parking Guy. So there was some more spanish spanish spanish spanish and then the call abruptly ends.

The guy probably got tired and went back to the nap room with the milk and cookies or something. And I don't blame him. But I'm still a bit like, Well, shit guys, what do I do now?

Take more naps, obviously. And probably try to stay away from the Spanish police, because I'll clearly have an outstanding ticket to my name. Which, by the way, is not the good kind of outstanding.

Sincerely,
Davis

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Dear Internet,

When I listen to Spanish music, I'd really like my iPhone's volume to go to 11.

Sincerely,
Davis 

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Dear Internet,

Last night I was taking the Tube back home, and it was super crowded and really hot. Like, cook a chicken in your lap hot. 

I'm standing there in this crowd, and right next to me I hear a couple of guys with American accents talking about how it's so hot you could cook a chicken in your lap. So naturally, my American instincts kick in and I'm like, 'Hey, how you doin'. 

So the four of us are having this chat about how hot the Tube is, and how chicken is really great, and there is this super old couple right next to us, making out fiercely, which is of course super awkward, especially because the couple keep bumping into me. 

But then it gets even more awkward, because while I'm talking to these Americans, I start to notice something peculiar about them, and I say to myself, 'Wait, these guys are like, a bit slow, I think?'

Which makes it even more awkward because I'm thinking about that and then immediately I also think, 'Wait does that make me a bad person for thinking they might be slow?' which is quickly followed by, 'Is it even appropriate for me to notice something like that?'

And then, 'Well if they are a bit slow maybe it's okay that I noticed but I should really stop thinking that right now because that is surely exceeding the appropriate time it's okay to notice a thing like that.'

And then also, 'Wait, is slow even the correct term now? Is it better to say challenged? Or special needs?'

But then, it turns out they're not slow at all. They're from Minnesota.

Phew.

I feel like I dodged a bullet there. 

In any case, here's 'More Than a Feeling' from Boston.

Sincerely,
Davis

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Dear Internet,

I do believe I have just found my idol.

YOU: Oh sweet, who is it?
ME: Whoah, pump your breaks. I'm getting there.
YOU: Oh sorry, go on.

I'm walking on Lexington, and this giant slick dark Benz pulls up to the curb in front of me, and the driver suddenly jumps out and runs around the car to open one of the back doors. You know, like one of those proper short chauffeurs you only see in movies. Seriously. I mean, the guy was wearing a little goddamn chauffeur hat. How sweet is that?

YOU: Whoah that's really sweet!

So anyway, he runs around the car to the back door like one of those awesome little monkeys with those little fez hats, opens the door, and out steps this older lady in super-dark shades who's wearing this totally cracked-out super-huge-and-more-expensive-than-my-life fur coat.

And in her hands, she holds a six-pack of paper towels.

YOU: Badass.
ME: Totally badass.

Sincerely,
Davis 

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Dear Internet,

Holy f'ing wow. Have you seen this thing? This video has $5 transitions. Damn straight. $5 transitions. And then when you're totally blown away by how amazing the transitions are this video is like blam here you go, here's some dice for a transition and then blam here you go here's a $50 transition.

This has probably pioneered film transitions and we didn't even know it. So, Internet, please take a moment today, a moment of silence or something, to pay homage to the fine work these gentleman and their hoes have contributed to the editing world.

Sincerely,
Davis

PS - For the record, I did hesitate to call the young women in this video their hoes. I fully appreciate the importance of giving proper credit, and I would not want to miscredit anyone in any way, but upon a second viewing, I feel that it may not be that inaccurate, but I do welcome debate. I've got a five on it, in fact.

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