photo by WickerFurniture

Dear You,

It’s so easy to look at the woman across the room, across the sanctuary, across the world wide web and think: “I should be more like her.” We compare clothes, talents, how many friends we have on Facebook. We crave validation and surely if we can be like the people we admire then we will have it.

Yet God doesn’t compare you to anyone else. Not that friend whose house looks like a spread in a magazine. Not the woman in your church who knows how to make everyone laugh at just the right moment. Not even the leader who seems to have a direct line to Jesus while you feel like you’re dialing the wrong number half the time. Not to any of those—or any other woman who has ever been or ever will be. When you gave your life to Jesus you became a “new creation.” Listen closely: it doesn’t say “a new human being.” A new creation.

In other words, God made you into something the world has never seen before and never will again. We talked about this before but I think it’s important enough to say again because women struggle so much with comparison.

You are a one-of-a-kind masterpiece, a custom design, a work of art.

And when there is only one of something, it’s impossible to compare it.

That means since there’s only one of you, you can’t be compared either. When God looks at you, he sees his handiwork and the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. That’s it. The only standard he ever asked you to meet is the one Jesus met in your place. So you are free from being compared.

What do you do instead? Be the you he has created, called, and redeemed you to be. Develop your strengths. Discover your gifts. Do whatever you can to serve those around you with what you have. Display his glory by living fully alive, by beautifully reflecting the part of his image he has crafted into you.

Give yourself permission to stop comparing. And instead start celebrating who you are and the God who made you that way. Then let your heart feel his response…

His incomparable joy.

XOXO

Someone Who Loves You

{Genesis 1:31, 1 Corinthians 12:12-27, Philippians 2:1-11}

photo by MJRimages

We’re opening the door to God-sized dreams in 2013. So every week we get together to encourage each other {because don’t we all need it? yes, ma’am.}. This week Erin Ulrich is here to share about God-sized dreams with you…

God-sized Dreams and Faithfulness

I guess I’ve always been a bit of a dreamer, since I was a little girl. I married a dreamer too, so our home is filled with dreams . . . ideas . . . possibilities. Since Phil and I got married over 12 years ago, we have been on a journey of God-sized dreams. With each step into the unknown and each leap of faith, there is a resounding theme.

Faithfulness.

When the first glimmer of a dream sparks in my heart, I have an idea of how it will play out. But what happens when things don’t go the way I think? They should, right? After all, if it’s a dream from God, shouldn’t the reality look like the dream itself?

Sometimes.

Let’s think about the One who gave the dream for a moment. He works all things for our good. Not some—all. And to God, who isn’t limited by time and space, maybe the journey is just as important as the dream. Make no mistake about it, the dream is important, and what He wants to accomplish through it for His Kingdom purposes is huge. But what if the way we walk it out matters most of all?

In the midst of the dreams God gives us, He asks us to be faithful. Obedient. It’s about leaping— realizing that what may seem like the biggest risk of our lives really isn’t a risk at all. Because even if we leap and things go a completely different direction than we thought, He’s still God. Saying yes to His plans and purposes for our lives is the safest place of all.

There are two aspects of faithfulness at work here. God asks us to be faithful to what He calls us to do. But our attempts at faithfulness are miniature in comparison to His faithfulness to us. It’s in His character, and He never changes. That is why we can trust without fear and leap without seeing the end result when He calls.

Phil and I have walked out a dream for eight years now. The seeds of the dream were planted in Phil’s heart 20 years before that, but it was eight years ago that the Lord gave that nudge of it’s time. Being obedient has required more of us than we ever imagined. We’ve faced the mountaintop of possibilities and the reality of what looked like certain failure. We have seen His hand preserve us, provide for us, and continue leading as He asked:

Will you trust Me?

Will you stay faithful to the calling even when you can’t see the fruit yet?

Will you declare My goodness no matter what?

We have learned (and are still learning) that what seemed to be failures often pave the way for something even better. And we’re continuing to walk out the dream. It looks vastly different than it did eight years ago, but where we are now fits more with the heart of our God-sized dream than it did then. Our next step is a series of children’s chapter books. The Growly Books: Begin launches today! And, no matter what, we know we can trust Him with it, because He is always faithful.

Erin Ulrich is the founder of Design by Insight. She spends her days asking questions, creating personalized designs, and enjoying family time with her husband, Phil, and their two daughters. She loves looking at both the big picture and the tiny details. Erin and Phil are authors of the new children’s chapter book series, The Growly Books. Erin’s book, Self-Publish: Moving from Idea to Product, is a tool for writers desiring to take the leap into the world of self-publishing. You can find her writing on her blog or hanging out on Twitter.

Now it’s your turn!

What part of your dream feels the riskiest? Have you ever had people misunderstand or disagree with your dream? What do you do when your dream is scary or when others don’t support you? Share about your answers to those questions in a post and link up here next week. {If you don’t have a blog, you can share in the comments.}

So we can all find each other, please include this God-sized Dreams button in your post. Also, love on your fellow God-sized dreamin’ sisters by leaving a comment on the post before yours.

For next week take this “do what you can” step for your God-sized dream: We’ve been walking the path of God-sized dreams together for a few months now. Will you share an update with us about your dream? Let us know where you are with it–the happy and the hard. Tell us how we can pray for you and your dream too. Share that in a post and link up here next week. {If you don’t have a blog, you can share what you did in the comments.}

Not sure what to do next? Start with The “Do What You Can” Plan: 21 Days to Making Any Area of Your Life Better

Want more encouragement? You’ll find it in You’re Made for a God-sized Dream: Opening the Door to All God Has for You

A new week unfolds in front of us like the blank page of a journal. What will be written on it?

I’m not sure. And I imagine you aren’t either. None of us can know what tomorrow holds. But there are some words that we can always count on to be there every day of our lives.

Love – You are loved. Just as you are. More than you know. Nothing that happens this week can change that reality. You’re not going to be alone this week. Not for one day. Not for one moment. Not for even one second.

Grace – You are accepted. Your sins have been forgiven and you are free. Your mistakes and failures can’t separate you from God anymore. You can take risks, make bold decisions, embrace new opportunities because you can’t lose what matters most.

Hope – You have a future that’s good. This week is part of a larger plan, a greater purpose. Even when you don’t understand what he’s doing, God is working on your behalf. He sees the bigger picture of your life and he’s committed to making it beautiful.

Let’s make the most of this week, my friend.

It’s another page of our story.

And we can trust the One holding the pen.

XOXO

Holley Gerth

For the God-sized Dreams series tomorrow: What part of your dream feels the riskiest? Have you ever had people misunderstand or disagree with your dream? What do you do when your dream is scary or when others don’t support you? Share about your answers to those questions in a post and link up here tomorrow.

I look to the opposite wall of the cafe and I see it’s lined with jewelry, purses, scarves and other lovingly handmade art by women who live far away. Women who want what they do to make a difference too. Women who are finding their way out of poverty and who have placed the work of their hands and hearts in boxes to send it here to us.

{here’s a little video about the coffee shop where I’m writing. If you can’t see it below, click this link.}

And it strikes me that what these women have done is a brave thing: they have released their work into the world and trusted that it will be received. They’ve believed without seeing that someone will find value in it. They have offered what they have to contribute without any expectation of seeing the result.

What they do is a beautiful act of faith.

I can learn from it. Every person in this coffee shop can too. And maybe so can you. Because we all come to that point in our daily lives when it’s time to hit “publish” on the post, or send the child off to college, or turn in the project. And we don’t know what will happen next. We can hope and pray but ultimately we can’t control. It’s easy at that point to hold fast to what we’ve created. Isn’t it safer with us? What if no one receives it, loves it, cherishes it like we do?

Yet if we wait for proof that what we’ve done is worthwhile then the world will never receive what God intends to give through us. First comes faith, then comes sight. And sometimes that doesn’t even happen in our lifetime. Can we let go anyway?

Yep.

Thank you for not holding on too tightly.

Thank you for opening your hands and heart.

Thank you for believing what you do matters and that we need it.

Because we do.

XOXO

Holley Gerth

photo by seasonswithsoul

We all have especially vulnerable places. Tender spots in our heart. Lies we’re more likely to believe. It can take a long time to even recognize them. Lately I’ve been catching glimpses of mine. Guilt and shame can get to me quickly. I make one mistake or fall short of one expectation and suddenly I decide…

I’m a terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bad wife/friend/daughter-in-law, etc.

And what do I do? I try harder, of course. Until I’m weary. And then that just proves the guilt and shame are deserved. Phhht. Such nonsense. And I know it. Just like I knew Twinkies did not really count as a quality baked good. But I ate them for years anyway.

So the other night I prayed, “Lord, what replaces guilt and shame?”

The answer that slipped into my heart, “Gratitude and praise.” Huh.

So here’s the process I’ve started going through when guilt and shame try to tackle me:

What am I telling myself?

I’m bad because the dust bunnies in my house are now the size of jack rabbits.

What’s the reality?

Yes, the house could use vacuuming. It’s been a really busy week. I’ll be able to do it next week.

What’s the real truth {this is a bridge statement between guilt/shame and gratitude/praise}?

My worth is not based on the size of my dust bunnies. It’s based on who Jesus says I am. And the reason my house is a bit dirty is because he’s had other things for me to focus on the last few days.

What do I have to be grateful for and praise God about?

God, thank you that I have a house to live in with my husband. I praise you because you’re my ultimate Home and you’re building me a mansion in heaven with no dust bunnies. Help me remember what matters most in light of eternity. Woo-hoo!

Now it’s your turn to try it…

What’s a lie you’ve been telling yourself?

What’s reality?

What’s the real truth?

What do you have to be grateful for and praise God about?

{Note: I’ve found that the “reality” and “truth” statements are essential. If I try to jump straight to gratitude and praise then I bury the guilt and shame rather than healing it. We’re human and we need to acknowledge that what we’re feeling and experience before we can really change our perspective.}

I know I need to go through this process when I feel the muscles in my tummy tightening up, my heart beating harder and my breath becoming shallow. We respond physically when someone lies to us–and we do the same when we’re lying to ourselves. How does your body tell you that something isn’t quite right? Learn to be aware of that and when you experience it, pause and take a deep breath. Then go through the process above. If you get distracted along the way, it’s okay. Just start again until you get all the way to the end.

If guilt and shame aren’t where you’re most vulnerable, then adapt what’s above to fit your greatest struggle. What matters most is identifying the lie, replacing it with what’s true and then responding to God from that new perspective.

Lies and dust bunnies have this in common: they aren’t as scary as they seem. And they’re not going to get the best of you.

XOXO

Holley Gerth

photo by khrawlings

We’re opening the door to God-sized dreams in 2013. So every week we get together to encourage each other {because don’t we all need it? yes, ma’am.}. This week Mary DeMuth is here to share about God-sized dreams with you…

*****

From Mary DeMuth…

When God first gave me the vision, I was in my twenties, raising little people, longing to write, speaking here and there. The vision involved me speaking to men and women, encouraging them, speaking about Jesus.

It’s been over twenty years.

And I’ve tasted bits and pieces of the dream, but not taken a full bite.

During my early thirties, I shelved the dream, felt it unreachable. But I felt that longing ache, that desire to see the whole body of Christ gathered together. I had things to say to men and women. But I didn’t let my words out. Not yet.

In my late thirties, I spoke at a staff conference for Christian Associates, our church planting organization, when we pioneered a church in France. I felt the energy of a male/female audience, felt it way down deep. And longed for more. My pastor asked me to speak about my book Building the Christian Family You Never Had from the podium, but they’d removed the podium, put me on a couch, and had the pastor ask me questions. I loved it, but I still had that longing for something more. This year, I had the privilege this year of keynoting at the Exodus conference and I felt that same thrill. Yes. This is what I was meant to do.

When I tell others of this crazy dream, most smile. Few affirm. My husband does, is fully behind me. My literary agent sees it and cheers. A few friends gather around this dream. But there are few models out there for women speaking to the church. There are pockets, yes, but not much precedent in your average Bible belt churches. Sometimes I feel like a pioneer, an interloper.

I don’t know when or how this crazy dream will be fulfilled, but I look forward to it. Like Joseph, I was very young when it was birthed, and a lot of life, trial, pain, and grit have happened in the in between times. I’m grateful the dream didn’t instantly come my way. I’m sure Joseph was thankful too. His pride, my pride, would’ve gotten in the way of God’s redemptive plan. God needs humbled, settled, broken folks to carry out His God-sized dreams.

So don’t despair if decades pass between the dream and its fulfillment. This is God’s economy, and it’s perfect. I’ll wait alongside you and cheer.

*****
Mary DeMuth is the author of 14 books including Everything: What You Give and What You Gain to Become Like Jesus (Thomas Nelson). She loves to write and speak about living an uncaged life. She lives in Texas with her teens and husband of 22 years. You can find her on twitter @MaryDeMuth or Facebook.

*****

Now it’s your turn!

Take this “do what you can” step for your God-sized dream: Share about your favorite nonprofit organization. They are all God-sized dreams in action. How have they inspired you? For example, mine is the Leadership Development Program from Compassion International because they’re releasing new God-sized dreamers into the world.

So we can all find each other, please include this God-sized Dreams button in your post. Also, love on your fellow God-sized dreamin’ sisters by leaving a comment on the post before yours.

For next week take this “do what you can” step for your God-sized dream: What part of your dream feels the riskiest? Have you ever had people misunderstand or disagree with your dream? What do you do when your dream is scary or when others don’t support you? Share about your answers to those questions in a post and link up here next week. {If you don’t have a blog, you can share in the comments.}

p.s. The winner of last Tuesday’s $100 Heart to Heart with Holley collection gift certificate from DaySpring.com is Kelsey Gillespy . Congratulations Kelsey! Email hearttoheart@holleygerth.com You can still get anything and everything from that collection for 20% off with my friends and family code, holley20. It’s a great spot to look for graduation gifts!

photo by Orin Zebest

My husband and I flip through channels and land on a reality show about a pawn shop. We’re intrigued when a woman hands over a fistful of jewels. “My grandmother left them to me,” she explains. The owners of the store begin to debate. One instantly declares they’re worthless–only glass. Another isn’t so quick to dismiss them. “Let’s call in an expert,” he says, “We’ll let him decide.”

In the next scene the expert stands over the microscope. He leans in and quickly pushes aside several of the gems. Then he pauses and beckons to the owner who wanted the evaluation. “Take a look at this,” he says. When the owner pulls back from the microscope he declares, “We’re going to change this woman’s life.”

Because that’s what happens when the worth of what you have to offer is recognized. It turns out that, yes, several of the jewels were simply glass rocks. But one was a large ruby. Until someone in authority declared the value that ruby seemed like all the rest. Now it would never be seen the same way again.

You are walking through life holding gems in your hand. They’re your strengths, gifts, and all that God has placed within you. The world will try to dismiss them. “Nothing special.” “Won’t amount to anything.” “Not good enough.” But hopefully your heart pauses and says, “Wait a minute. Let’s call in someone who can truly evaluate the worth.” That’s when Jesus comes enters the picture. He leans over your life and declares, “Priceless!”

And it’s not just one of the jewels. All the pieces of who you are have value.

Imagine if the owners of the pawn shop told the woman of their discovery and she said, “I’m sorry. I don’t believe you. All my life everyone I’ve met has treated this like glass. I just can’t accept that it’s a ruby. Just throw it in the trash with the others.” We’d probably jump up off the couch and holler at the TV, “Believe it! Believe it!”

And that’s what I’m hollering to your heart today, “Believe it! Believe it!” Pretty please with sugar on top dare to accept that what Jesus says about you is genuine–that you a treasure, of great worth, a woman with infinite value. No matter what anyone says. No matter what you’ve done. No matter how you feel.

It’s true.

On the show the woman stands wide-eyed for a moment and then reacts with emotion fitting to such a find: JOY. Her life has changed because her perspective is different.

It can be that way for us too.

Are you wondering about your worth today?

Then ask the One who loves you to show you what’s real.

XOXO

Holley

photo by Joanna Bourne

I stand in front of the mirror and tilt my head from side-to-side. I’ve done this since Junior High. I can still picture that girl back then with the too-big bangs and a zit on her nose wondering if her smile will be enough to win her a spot at a lunch table.

I compare what I see in the mirror to the standards our culture puts out there for us as women. Am I thin enough? Is my make-up done right? Is my hair cute? {Confession: trying to be girly scares me silly. I never feel like I know what I’m doing when it comes to my appearance. I know this is irrational but it’s true. Basically my strategy is this: TJ Maxx                                                          plus stylish birthday gifts from friends. That’s how I                                                          survive.}

Yet on this morning as I look in the mirror the questions I usually ask quiet and instead a deeper Voice seems to whisper to my heart. “The way you look isn’t for you. It’s to fulfill the purpose I have for your life.” Huh. I think of how the Psalmist says that we’re knit together in our mother’s wombs. I’m a custom design by God. What was on his mind when he created me?

I look at the mirror again and I see differently. The round cheeks on my face that I sometimes wish weren’t there make me look kind. My big brown eyes say, “You can trust me.” The crazy piece of hair that will never, ever stay where it’s supposed to be says, “I’m a little bit messy too.” Could all of those things be purposely placed there by God? They must be, right?

Then that matters more than what the world says about who I should be, how I should look. I believe as a woman that we’re to honor God by taking care of our bodies. But we don’t have to feel pressure to be someone we’re not. And we’re usually far more critical of ourselves than anyone else in our lives.

This video from Dove is proof:

{Click this link if you can’t see the video}

What if we chose to see ourselves differently today?

What if we asked God for his perspective–for his help understanding the purpose for each feature he’s given us?

He says we’re wonderfully made. A divine design. A work of art. Who you are and how you look is intentional. Chosen with care. So let’s be gentle with ourselves and with each other. We’re God’s beautiful daughters and just like any parent, he delights in seeing us fully and freely be who we are.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I’m learning to say beauty is in the eyes of the Creator.

XOXO

Holley

photo by Andrew Beeston

“There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one.” — Jill Churchill

I’ll never forget the first time I read the quote above. It jumped out from a page of Real Simple magazine years ago and grabbed my heart. I was in one of the busiest seasons of my life–working full-time, going to grad school, completing a book. I felt exhausted a lot of time. And even beyond the physical fatigue, I felt like I was falling short in every area of my life.

As a wife.

As a friend.

As a Christian.

As a student.

As a writer.

I had convinced myself there was a right way to fulfill each of those roles. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make that “right way” work in that season of my life. Have you ever felt that way?

When I read the quote above, it gave me permission to adapt. To figure things out. To let good enough really be good enough sometimes.

There’s no way to be a perfect wife, friend, Christian, student, writer but there are a million ways to be a good one.

Huh.

It opened the door to solutions. I hired a maid. I sent my friends emails when we couldn’t get together face-to-face. I prayed on my commute to work.

And I survived.

So did my relationships.

My husband and I were not eaten by dust bunnies. The grammar police did not lock me away for my rough drafts. No lightning bolts struck when I occasionally missed church because I needed sleep more than a sermon.

I’m not an advocate of being crazy-busy as a lifestyle. The pace I was going at wasn’t sustainable long-term. But sometimes God calls us to seasons of busyness, difficulties, or challenges and we’ve got to figure out a new normal for that time. If we refuse to adjust and instead firmly cling to our “right way” for everything then we’re asking for burnout and broken relationships.

How do you need to fill in that blank today?

There’s no way to be a perfect ________ but there are a million ways to be a good one.

Give yourself permission to figure out those million ways {or at least a dozen}. It’s okay. You’re not failing–you’re being wise.

This season will pass for you. And then you’ll need new solutions for the next one. All of our lives we’ll be changing, adapting, growing, speeding up, slowing down. That simply means we’re human and we’re alive. Want to stay the same in every season? Consider becoming a rock. Otherwise embrace the freedom that’s yours and relax a bit. As I look back on that crazy time in my life, my only regret is that I didn’t extend even more grace to myself.

You’re doing better today than you realize, friend.

Really.

XOXO

Holley

photo by Dinner Series

I walk through the door bone weary, head throbbing, searching for the nearest flat surface so I can sink into silence. I feel depleted, drained, tired in a way that makes my heart echo with emptiness.

Another day I walk through the door worn out but not worn down, ready for a nap but also ready to get up and go for it again, smiling even through the physical fatigue that tugs at every part of my body. My energy tank is empty but my heart is full.

One task depleted me–like a sugar crash after too much junk food.

The other filled me up–like a satisfying meal that makes you lean back in your chair and sigh with new strength.

Here’s the catch: both looked like great opportunities on the outside.

But one was not for me.

And the next time it came around, I turned down another helping. That’s hard for us as women {at least it is for me}. Saying “no” to what looks enticing and sweet even though we know it will ultimately not nourish us can be difficult to do. And yet discovering what truly feeds our hearts is essential.

“My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish His work” {John 4:34}

What God truly has for us to do on this earth will fill us up deep inside. Oh, yes, we will get tired sometimes along the way. We will have struggles and face obstacles. But what He has for us is not meant to leave us continually empty.

Be careful if you’re working hard “for God” and your heart feels hungry all the time…

Will you read the rest with me over at (in)courage?