As I stopped at 7-11, a clip of Nancy Pelosi saying that her “favorite word” is “The Word.”

They laughed *at* her and started getting goofy.

Coincidentally, there was a woman in line ahead of me at 7-11 aksing if everything was kosher. Literally.

When I finally got out with my coffee… Things on the show had devolved (get it?) to someone playing the clip of Nancy Pelosi and someone else acting like they were being tortured by it and vomiting. I think it was Beck, but I couldn’t be sure. I guess that’s mean. But they seemed to be making fun of themselves. But I guess you could say they were being really mean to Nancy Pelosi by acting like listening to her talk made them vomit.

Saying that the most important word is “The Word” seems really, really, really religious, right? And she’s the big democrap, right? If she’s serious, it’s wacky religious at it’s worst and if she’s trying to scare up support, it’s cynical pandering that shows a deep lack of respect for religion, right?

A friend of mine said that the thought of Sarah Palin makes her physically ill. I guess it’s the same thing, right?

So those two wrongs equal what? Two wrongs… right!

Apparently, if you don’t HATE GLENN BECK BECAUSE HE IS THE DEBIL!!!! it means you are some kind of right-wing-evil-type-person.

A guy at work sneers at me because I mentioned that I actually LISTENED TO AN AUDIO BOOK BY THE EVIL GLENN BECK!!! And, since I didn’t listen to it to confirm to myself that GLENN BECK IS THE DEBIL AND EATS CHILDREN!!!! it means that I want to LOVE GLENN BECK AND THE JUNK BENEATH HIS FUNNY UNDERWEARSS!!!!

Butt seriassly. I don’t care about glenn beck at all. I think that he has become shorthand for “right wing wacko reactionary nutjob” and was, until BP took over, “two minutes of hate” for many people. I wrote about him once before and I find the whole thing truly fascinating.

I don’t get it, really. A friend has sent me clips of Beck’s tv show where he cries. There are also clips of him contradicting himself and also saying outrageous things. It’s not like he promised to end the war or close gitmo and then backed off on that, but I guess he says really outrageous stuff. A guy on t.v. saying outrageous stuff?!? No way!!!

But, because I don’t really care enough to watch his show, I um… don’t watch his show. The guy loves the jebus and I don’t care for that so much, so if I’m going to watch the child killing network (fox) I’m going to watch the John Stossel show, because he’s not a republicrat… he’s a Libertarian and that’s how I roll.

I listened to a Glenn Beck audio book (which I downloaded illegally by the way) because I wanted to hear the evil that everyone was talking about. I didn’t hear any evil stuff. It was written a few years ago, I think, so maybe it was pre-evil. There was a bit of religion, yep, and I have gotten used to replacing any talk of religion with a droning Gmaj chord. Mainly, it was limited government stuff with your basic republican fucking up of the concept of limited government. “Keep government out of our lives… except for gay people and immigrants!!!” which is not limited government. It’s the republican line.

I don’t have enough time to watch the glenn beck t.v. show. But, I do have XM radio and I do have my 10-15 minute drive to the subway each morning on my way to work so… this week, I’m devoting 10 minutes in the morning to listening to the grandmother-eating-nazi you know as Glenn Beck and I’m going to write up a brief summary each day of what he talked about and how evil it was.

There is a point on the way where I stop at 7-11 to get the greatest coffee ever made.

Monday, June 21
I tuned in to the middle of an interview with a senate candidate from Utah… I think. Beck didn’t seem to agree with him about a prescription drug bill that had been passed. I think the candidate was a republican. The candidate said that the system was broken and small steps need to be implemented. Beck’s position was that the small steps were just making it worse. As I was heading in to 7-ll, I think I missed some talk about religion but it was over by the time I got back in to my car. As was the interview.

After the interview, Beck said that he didn’t want to have any more candidates on his show because he felt like some of his listeners might consider his opinion an endorsement and he didn’t want that to happen as the interviews were short and that was usually the only information he had about the candidate.

Then, he and his co-hosts talked about the enumerated powers of the united states constitution.

Then, I was confronted with about 20 bazillion people heading downtown for a parade. That seemed worse than anything glenn beck said on his show WHILE I WAS LISTENING.

Maybe tomorrow, he’ll say something racist and horrible. Today, it was a lot of enumerated powers. I guess, if you hate him, you could say that he was being arrogant about how much power he had over his listeners, but it seemed to me that he was aware of that and was trying to not come off as someone who has a lot of power over his listeners, which I’m sure he does.

One of my worst traits is that I think that if something is funny once, it will be funny 1,000 times. To stay married, I stopped saying “Why are you angry?” when the bride says “I’m hungry”. (I still think it, though.)

A truly smart friend of mine, who is also my doppelganger (thanks for nothing, spell check), Emery Emery, came up with one great idea and, with his friend – famed band leader Tommy James – happened upon another.

The first one is an iPhone app that shows the most violent verses of the Koran, (Qu’ran? Qowoaaran?) along with pictures of the Allah.

But the really clever thing he passed along to me is adding the letters “B” and “R” to either side of the “ONE” on the back of the One Dollar Bill to spell every 4th grader’s favorite punch line: BONER.

Ass I’ve mentioned before, I don’t spend my one dollar bills. So last year, after crossing out “In God We” about 500 times, I’ve begun doing it the same night I put my one dollar bills in my one dollar bill box. (I’m pretty sure Penn Jillette started this, but I *think* he crosses out the entire phrase. I like leaving “TRUST” on the back of the bill.)

I have fewer bills saved this year, because we have the youngster and, when we have it, I pay his “help” with the ones. Regardless, at the end of the year, I’m going to have a bunch of bills that some folks may think read “Trust Boner”.

Where’s George, indeed.

Someone actually called me on it. “You’re kicking my puppy, dude.” and he was right. I did own up to it… I was poo-pooing my work before anyone else could so as to protect myself. I guess I’ve been around people who took that stuff for granted and I believed their anti-hype instead of owning the fact that there really are people who don’t give a fuck that I’m not with a big agency like CAA or ICM or William Morris anymore. They were kids when I was in the show bizness.

I mean, I didn’t completely fall on my sword, but I didn’t need to even bring the sword out. They were excited enough to see Rockula, that they went to see it at Midnight in L.A.

I’d met the guy who I did the QyA with in Napa at a SpamScam shoe. He introduced himself as my biggest fan and I’d signed a Ski School poster for him. When Phil, the guy running the New Bev, mentioned that the guy who was going to do the QyA was from up north and was my biggest fan, I knew exactly who it was. Very cool.

It’s weird. They’re a little ironic. He said they’re post ironic. He screens movies in SF that are similar in scope to some of the stuff I’ve done but really loves them. I really hope I’m not a joke. Man, that would suck.

Showbiz seems to have fucked me up. Though, I suppose that happens in any career one is passionate about. I bet doctors get fucked up about being doctors. I know they do.

I suppose I’m lucky that I had a career that I was passionate about for so long that I was recognized for.

Nutty. Rockula.

Could be worse. It could be Marmaduke. Or Avatar. Cynical bullshit that people are making so they can buy shit. Fucking Marmaduke.

What a bunch of assholes. Only a real asshole cuntshit would be proud of Marmaduke.

“Yeah, I’ve always had a vision of dogs and cats doing a synchronized dance in a park.”

Kill yourself you fucking cynical studio executive. And you, Owen Wilson, you should be ashamed of yourself. Lazy bitch.

I know they’re justifying it to themselves. “Hey, I can’t help what people want to see. The studio is making Marmaduke and they’ve offered me all this money. It’s going to be in theaters. I need to be in theaters.”

Asshole. Fucking Marmaduke.

“…and then, see, Marmaduke causes all this mayhem in the park on the day the guy has got to impress his boss…”

“…oh, beautiful!! hilarious… i can see it now… hey, how about some cgi? he talks, right?”

“what? oh, yeah,um, of course!!! he talks… yeah!”

“I just had a meeting with Fergie’s people… how about her as Marmaduke’s love interest? That blue eyed peas can do a rap song at the end. We can get it on phones. kids eat that shit up, like a dog eats its own puke.”

“Fucking genius!! We’re going to have Avatar sucking dog dick!!!”

“Fuck yeah. We’ll take out an ad monday after opening: AVATAR SUCKS BIG FAT DOG COCK!!!”

“HEY. READY? …THE DOGS DANCE IN THE PARK!!! TO A FERGIE SONG OR SOMETHING. NO! SOMETHING UPBEAT AND HOT!!! MAYBE OVER THE CREDITS. OR JUST PUT IT IN THE GOD DAMNED TRAILER!!!”

“…SUCK MY DOG COCK, BUDDY, GREEN LIGHT THAT SHIT, BABY! HEY, JAMES CAMERON, MARMADUKE HAS A LIPSTICK!!!! MARMADUKE HAS A LIPSTICK!!!”

William H. Macy tells himself that it’s a studio picture and that he can take that money and go back to Chicago and do some more theater. Or he has a house payment. Or something. “Hey, they’re gonna fuckin’ make the fuckin’ movie, right? I’m not getting a million bucks doing Mamet, that’s for sure… They’re making it whether I’m in it or not. Fuck it. So I do a talking dog movie. It’ll be fun working with Owen. Well, maybe I’ll see him at the screening. Ah… fuck it, A million bucks is a million bucks. Now that Felicity’s not bringing in… Hell, it’ll be nice to take the kids to see it… A million bucks. What the hell.”

Marmaduke.

Fucking Marmaduke.

And I can’t get a fucking agent. What a bunch of fucking assholes. Truly. You people making Marmaduke should kiss a dog’s lipstick.

Asshole.

If you’ve seen me in stuff, then you have seen Patrick in stuff. Before I was fired from show business, we used to be in movies and t.v. shoes together. Patrick, however, was allowed back in to the movie and television business and did a series you never saw, but everyone else in the country watched: JAG.

We also co-wrote “Hollywood Palms” together. The “quick, down and dirty” project that took almost 10 years to get made.

Regardless, check out actinggood.com

You’ll act good. Real good.

All I can say is: muy bueno!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObQkVnERA3g

It’s worth thinking about for a minute.

The same way you might want to think about how little the guys on “your team” think about you before your week is ruined by “your team’s” performance in “the finals”.

That’s all.

Good thing that i had stuff saying ‘NIGERIAN SPAM SCAM’ on it, eh?!?

But… i had the entire back row to myself…

Until a woman who took a handful or two too many xanax and jack daniels’sses collapsed and hit her head on the armrest, knocking her doped up self out.

They had her lie down in the aisle for 2 hours. i couldn’t really go back to sleep because that’s what an asshole would do (shut up!) so i feigned interest until…

“Do you mind if this woman sits here?”

“Um… no… of course not…”

So i didn’t really sleep.

There’s snow here.

It seems that my cabbie, a recent graduate of the cliche nyc cabbie school, had been told that ice and snow improve traction and braking times but was confused as to why it didn’t seem to work like that. Instead of vomiting, I got out at 6th and waverly and walked a fair distance instead of the location i can’t mention because i’m staying at a paranoid famous person’s place!!!

Ah well.

I’m thinking that having a child later in life as I’ve done is a good thing because I can’t stop thinking about how cool it will be to see him experience new things… snow, for example. It’s going to be difficult to be the “seen-it-all” guy with a little guy so full of joy and wonder at all of those beautiful things.

There’s that, too.

Besides the last 5 or so hours, I have a delightful life. My wife is beautiful, sexy, funny, smart and makes cookies… and I have a son who only wants to laugh and be happy.

But really. Fuck the TSA. Right in the fucking neck.

I have an atom’s worth of understanding what it must be like to “drive while black”. An RCH of understanding. To be regarded as guilty before proven innocent is a horrible thing and that is how the TSA is destroying this country.

What you’re looking at is $740 in ones and change. Later this week, I’m going to put it in the bank and then maybe buy one of these just because I can.

Or, do something responsible with it. Whatever.

How did I end up with $740 in ones and change at the end of the year? Here’s how.

Never spend a one dollar bill. Ever. It forces you to save.

If you’re at 7/11 buying the best coffee in the world every morning like I do, you pay with a five. Then you put those 1 dollar bills aside. You can’t spend them the rest of the day. That way, if you want to buy something stupid, like gum or condoms (I jest), you must pay with a bill larger than a 1. It makes you think about the stupid little purchases you make every day.

Any 1 dollar bill gets put aside and at the end of the day, they all go in to a box. Along with the change you acquired that day.

I take the subway to work every day and it’s $1.25 each way, so I use quarters for that, but I still ended up with some quarters in my change box. The change came out to just over $100. If you can do remedial math, you can figure out how many one dollar bills I had.

I don’t actually have 640 one dollar bills. There were days where, for whatever reason, I did spend 1 dollar bills. Those days, I put a five in the box along with any ones I had.

That’s that. That’s my savings tip. Now, I’m going to end up on the “I Can Teach You To Be Rich” blog and be one of those assholes who talk about “the latte factor”.

The only thing I would do differently is use the sharpie to cross out “In god we trust” the day I put the bills in the box. I got bored. This also makes me realize, I have about 600 “Where’s George” bills to distribute.

Hmmm. I need more time.

Speaking of holiday cheer: Fuck the IRS. I mean, really. Fuck you guys.

Oh, speaking of fuck you guys: Here’s to CESD, my voice over and loser commercial agency who dropped me the week after Duncan was born. Fuck you guys. Way to destroy a career. Well played.

Happy Holidays everyone!!!

Well. Two of them were because the address to their routers are http://192.168.1.100

Now their passwords are “ChangeYourPassword”.