Dean Saliba Dot Com

My Suicide Playlist #2

2010-09-06T00:25:26Z

Did we all have a lovely fucking time listening to my first installment of my suicide playlist? Did we? Are we ready for part two? Another batch of twelve eongs that will have you bouncing off the walls.

Dean’s Grumpy Music #2

01. Sinergy – Violated
02. Stone Sour – Bother
03. Evanescence – Hello
04. Korn – Alone I Break
05. Soundgarden – Pretty Noose
06. Simple Plan – Untitled
07. Marilyn Manson – Coma Black
08. Silverchair – Suicidal Dream
09. Third Eye Blind – Jumper
10. Seether – Hang On
11. Pantera – Cemetery Gates
12. Staind – Four Walls

I Am A Horrible Monster

2010-09-05T18:17:14Z

There are many crimes in this world that people will look at as a sick act, these are normally connected with children. Crimes such as child abuse, paedophilia and child murder are all considered very naughty things to do, but nothing comes close to what I did on Friday to my little nephew.

Yesterday I broke my 10 year old nephew’s 10 year old arm.

Before someone grasses me up and has the police kicking my door down I should say that it was not my fault, it was my nephew’s fault. “Wait a minute, Dean couldn’t be so low as to blame his own nephew?” I hear you cry. The answer is yes, yes I am blaming him.

We were playing football in the cage when he dived into a tackle on me. Now I just stood there while he dived into me, bounced off my body and landed on his arm on the concrete.

Being the caring person I am when I stopped laughing I stopped the game and helped him up. Within an hour he was swinging his arms around and mucking about with the other kids as normal so I did not think it was anything serious.

His mum, being the typical crybaby mother, who thinks her child breathing means they have terminal stage cancer, rushed him up the hospital when he complained of a tingling sensation and it turns out he has a teeny tiny hairline fracture in his arm.

On the bad side the family are all blaming me (apparently I should be some sort of ghost so he could go through me) but on the plus side it means that he won’t be getting me into trouble with the caretakers over him and his mate smashing up cabinets, thule racks and Wendy houses all over the estate.

And it means his mother won’t be nagging at me for a while as she has the hump with me.

On Facebook the guilt trips have long since started with both my nephew and my own mother saying things like “you broke my arm” and “aww poor jack has a broken arm ”.

Now I’m off to steal sweets from babies who have been left in their prams outside sweetshops.

Finally! My Suicide Playlist Is Released On CD!

2010-09-05T13:14:13Z

I have finally found out how to burn CDs. Maybe that should be “I have finally decided to get off my fat lazy arse and buy some CDs from PC World.” I got tired of having to fork out £10 to my lazy brother for him doing me a really shit low-quality CD of songs I didn’t actually ask for.

So here is my first insatallment, it is a compliation CD of songs from my Suicide Playlist. It is a playlist I put on when I’m feeling sad.

Dean’s Grumpy Music #1

01. Megadeth – A Tout Le Monde
02. Judas Priest – Beyond The Realms Of Death
03. Soundgarden – Fell On Black Days
04. Depeche Mode – Blasphemous Rumours
05. Evanescence – Breathe No More
06. Bullet For My Valentine – 10 Years Today
07. Type O Negative – Gravitational Constant: G = 6.67 x 10-8 cm-3 gm-1 sec-2
08. Filter – Hey Man, Nice Shot.
09. 3 Doors Down – Loser
10. Eminem – Stan
11. Breaking Benjamin – Rain
12. Bullet For My Valentine – Deliver Us from Evil

Booking A Holiday To Brazil Is A Breeze

2010-08-24T23:35:34Z

A friend of mine will soon be taking his great big smug face and will be flying off to Sweden for a week or so, probably to look at the lovely scenery and to stock up on all that lovely snus that he loves so much.

While he is freezing himself silly in the land that I consider king of Scandinavian metal, I shall be staying in England and wishing I was somewhere warmer. I will be going to Birmingham to watch a mate fight in a competition but that is hardly the same and jetting off to an all inclusive vacation package.

I do keep saying that I will finally sort out a new passport and start going abroad, as there are plenty of countries I’d love to visit, but saying I’ll do it and actually getting of my butt and doing it are clearly two very different things.

There are many places I’d like to visit. Malta, Central Europe, Sweden, Asia, but one place I’d really like to visit would be Brazil. When people mention countries they would like to visit they very rarely mention Brazil vacations.

I’m not quite sure why people shy away from that particular country, the countries around it seem to have no problem attracting holidaymakers. Maybe I just don’t know enough people who holiday abroad to know anyone who has been there.

It certainly can not be because of the price, quick searches on web sites like breezes.com reveal that an all inclusive Brazil holiday is actually cheaper than vacationing in America. And they have the famous Brazilian Rain Forest. Maybe they have huge poisonous monkeys or man-eating snails or something else frightening that I have not heard about?

I’m sure my friend Reiss will see this and happily give me a lecture on why people don’t mention wanting to go here as much as other countries.

Three Deans One Body

2010-08-23T04:06:40Z

Today, while hanging out with that no good cunt Reiss, I came upon the realisation that there are three different types of people inside of me that are all fighting each other to gain control of my lovely, muscular, well-toned, yet supple, body.

After having a very nice wander around Brick Lane and Spitalfields Market we decided to have a pint in one of the pubs nearby.

I say ‘wander’, it was basically me chasing Reiss around Brick Lane & Spitalfields Market as he tried to lose me by ducking and diving into crowds of people and in front of cars speeding through the crowded market streets, while I took every opportunity to grope women’s arses by pretending I was just trying to get past them.

We stood outside and drank beer and indulged in intelligent conversation, every so often I’d break away from the grip chat and drool at a female walking past or make a filthy remark and then do a bad Sid James cackle.

I say ‘intelligent conversation’ when in actual fact I mean I bored Reiss to tears talking his ears off while he just wanted to yell in my face “stop talking at me you utter cunt and let me drink my beer in peace!”

It was while outside this pub that I realised that there are three different side to this complex conundrum that we all now and love as Dean. Aside, we all fucking hate Dean and wish he would fuck off and die (You’ll have to listen to the As It Occurs To Me podcast to get that joke).

The ‘Little Deans’ that are trying to take control of my body against my will, like miniature Kim Jong-ils, have been named as Bitchy Dean, Grumpy Dean and a new one that I am going to call Pervy Dean.

I’m not sure which is my favourite, I look upon them all as my children and you know, as a parent, you are not allowed to have a favourite, no matter how incredibly naughty one of them might be and sometimes they deserve to be hit over the head with something big and hard.

I’m not even sure it is a good idea for me to try and pick my favourite ‘Little Dean’, it would be a bit like having to pick my favourite fart, or my favourite musical knowing that I hate musicals with a passion.

So I’ll ask my readers which one they prefer.

Do you prefer Grumpy Dean, who hates everyone and will punch you in the face for breathing the same air as him? Do you prefer Bitchy Dean, who will tear you to shreds with his vicious tongue and insults? Or do you prefer Pervy Dean, who will ogle, drool and make really inappropriate remarks about pretty much any woman who passes him by?

Or maybe it should be “Which little Dean gets on your nerves the least?”

Whatever the case, place your vote …………… NOW!

P.S. Just to make that posh twat Will happy I shall be returning to my normal whoring posts as soon as possible, I know he loves them more than my fat brother loves food.

My Niece Is An Artist And She Didn’t Know It?

2010-08-22T01:27:33Z

I have been very boring these past two days and have done nothing but stay at home and write. I have done so much writing over the past two days that the neighbours thought there was a fire coming from the flat, but it was just the smoke billowing off the laptop from my speedy fingers tapping away.

Who needs going out and having fun when you can sit in the front room for most of the day and entertain my spoilt little four year old niece? She appreciated my playing computer games with her and chasing her around the room by doing a picture for me using the Paint application on the laptop.

It reminds me of the London Underground tube maps for some reason.

What Do You Think Of The New Design?

2010-08-20T02:28:22Z

You might have noticed that I have given this blog a complete redesign. I was never really happy with the old design and it was always a stop gap measure until the current design was ready to be placed on display for the world to see.

What do you guys think of it?

It loads up a lot quicker and I think it looks a lot slicker than the previous design.

It is not just the design that has been redone. I have also installed some security plugins to help secure the admin panel. Hackers will now have a tougher time getting into my admin panel now than a front door that has been fitted with a Kwikset locks

It is still very much a work-in-progress and I am open to ideas and suggestions on what should be added or removed.

My Skin Looks Normal!

2010-08-20T02:17:23Z

I’d had a decent week working online so I thought that I would celebrate by going out Friday, because that is the kind of rock and roll rebel I am. You can keep your drugs and having debauched sex with groups of women, I’d much rather have a pint with a boring bastard like Reiss. THAT is hardcore!

We went to the LSE bar, which is fast becoming my local haunt ahead of The Mucky Pup. It has two advantages over The Mucky Pup, the booze is cheap and the place is stuffed to the gills with hot slutty students.

Obviously slutty students with standards because I haven’t slept with any of them.

While I was there Reiss asked me a few questions about making an income online. I’ve had quite a few people ask me how they go about it, enough for me to set up some kind of Online Schooling site (like the ones the big bloggers offer) spilling my sexy secrets.

We didn’t stay long as we wanted to get to Big Red to have a birthday drink with Will. I hadn’t seen him for a while. I did not think we was going to make it because Reiss was taking ages topping up his Oyster. I was waiting by the barriers and was waiting for so long the staff member standing near me was sure I was stalking him. He kept looking at me and then shifting a couple of inches away from me.

When we got to Big Red Will took one look at me and he told me that my skin looked normal, which is possibly the weirdest compliment I have received.

It’s true though, I have been feeling good inside since I walked away form Kerry and it must be showing on the outside as a lot of people say I am looking happy and good.

He then did a switch on me when he mocked me for admitting in my blog about self-harming. I laughed it off but only because I didn’t want to spoil the mood of the evening. He left soon after which was probably a good thing. I’m not sure why he made the insult.

I don’t want to go down that route any time soon.

It was nice getting out, I even spoke to a woman and she showed me her boobies!

I Won Some Money Today!

2010-08-12T18:57:03Z

Today something magical happened to me. Something that has put a huge smile on my face since the email informing me of this good fortune arrived into my email account. And for once it was nothing to do with weight loss pills or something to enhance my sex life.

I received an email telling me that I had won a competition and had won the princely sum of £15.00. How good is that?!

Admittedly it is not a lot, I would have rather won some gold bullion or a really nice expensive sports car, but it cost me nothing to enter and is better than being punched repeatedly in the face with a knife.

Actually I’m quite glad it was not gold bullion because then I would not be able to take it to a pub and exchange it for beer.

I will wait for them to put the money into my PayPal account and will then plug them and give out their web site address so anyone interested can sign up and have a go as well. You gt to play games and quizzes.

Venturing Into Hackney In The Name Of Comedy

2010-08-12T18:45:05Z

Last night I decided to get out of the house and head into nearby Hackney to a venue called the Anatolia Bar in Mare Street. They were having a comedy show there called the Hackney School Drop Out Comedy Bin. Yeah, doesn’t sound good.

It was essentially an open mic gig which is where new comics come to try and prove if they are funny or not. Compared by Jack Samuel Warner, the show also included a huge line as James Gill, Mike Stephenson, Johnny Armstrong, Sadia, Richard Marshall, Matt Price, Mr Hawkins, Gary Southam, Crispin Flintoff, Aaron Twitchen, Simon Galloway, Raymond Cuttill, Arhondia Elle, Joe Kingston and Stephen Hill meant a staggering 16 comics were on the bill

That initially sounded like one long arse show but then I remembered that because it is an open mic style gig then 14 of the comics will only get about 5 minutes each. Obviously the compare gets more.

It was actually a very enjoyable night. The company that put on the gig actually put on four a week (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday) and all of them are near to where I live or are only about 20 minutes away at the most.

Actually as I am writing this I am about to leave to go to their Thursday night gig at the Anam Bar which is situated in Chapel Market in Islington.

Might see you there.

Dean Saliba Dot Com

My Suicide Playlist #2

Other Related Posts You Might Like:

I Am A Horrible Monster

Other Related Posts You Might Like:

Finally! My Suicide Playlist Is Released On CD!

Other Related Posts You Might Like:

Booking A Holiday To Brazil Is A Breeze

Other Related Posts You Might Like:

Three Deans One Body

Other Related Posts You Might Like:

My Niece Is An Artist And She Didn’t Know It?

Other Related Posts You Might Like:

What Do You Think Of The New Design?

Other Related Posts You Might Like:

My Skin Looks Normal!

Other Related Posts You Might Like:

I Won Some Money Today!

Other Related Posts You Might Like:

Venturing Into Hackney In The Name Of Comedy

Other Related Posts You Might Like: