It was a very nice and relaxing day today, as my girlfriend and daughter had a day at Millwall Park planned with her best mate and his husband. This meant that Belle and I could finally recover from having them here for a few days. A bulldog staycation is just as much about relaxation as it is about having lots of fun.

I was also able to get some housework done, as well as some writing that I’ve been putting off for far too long. Nothing says “exciting Sunday” quite like catching up on chores and staring at a blank WordPress editor.

Belle is slowly but surely taking to me. She still runs out into the garden whenever I get out of my chair, just in case I’ve suddenly decided to become terrifying, but she is now following me around the garden and is much more amenable to having her head stroked.

I’m taking that as progress.

At this rate, by the end of the week she might even allow me to stand up without immediately fleeing the room.

We also spent a lovely afternoon watching classic sitcoms such as Rising Damp and Steptoe & Son, followed by a couple of episodes of Diagnosis: Murder.

Well, I watched them.

Belle spent most of the afternoon snoring her head off beside me. I’m beginning to suspect she considers my house less of a holiday destination and more of an all-inclusive sleep retreat.

The Calm Before the Football Storm

The football season officially starts tomorrow in this house, with Millwall playing QPR in the League Cup.

The League Cup is a weird one because most fans seem to hate it. Having the first round on the Saturday before the league season starts has upset quite a few people, but personally, I think it’s just as important as its more prestigious cousin, the FA Cup.

Besides, it’s football.

That’s all the excuse I need.

I do wonder how Belle is going to react tomorrow when I’m screaming at the television. She should be used to it, though, as my brother is a big Millwall fan as well.

Where do you think he learnt his passion for football from?

That’s right.

He had the misfortune of being raised by me.

Belle might have spent the week slowly learning to trust me, but tomorrow she’s going to discover there are certain circumstances where even I cannot be held responsible for my behaviour.

Millwall playing QPR is one of them.

Will this be a disastrous end to her bulldog staycation adventure?

Image by Валентин Симеонов from Pixabay

The post Belle’s Bulldog Staycation: Day 6 – The Bulldog, The Sofa & The Beautiful Game first appeared on Dean Saliba Dot Com.

Belle’s Midnight Staring Contest

I woke up a couple of times during the night and, each time, realised Belle was sitting on the doormat, staring straight into the bedroom at me.

Which is really fucking creepy in the middle of the night.

I mean, what is she doing? Is she secretly plotting my downfall?

The Flea Treatment Betrayal

After her breakfast, I left her alone for an hour or so before approaching her in the shed to give her a dose of her monthly flea treatment. I don’t think any dog likes this monthly routine, so I was obviously expecting a bit of a fight from a dog in a foreign home who is normally very skittish anyway.

And I was right.

Once I entered the shed, she tried to make a break for it, but I put my knee out, which made her escape impossible. Knowing it was futile, she quickly gave up and reluctantly allowed me to do what I needed to do.

I then pulled out some ham and left her to eat it and sulk for the rest of the morning. Every now and again, she would come to the shed door and glare at me.

Not my favourite part of a bulldog staycation, and I suspect it wasn’t hers either.

Belle Finds Her Courage

When she heard my girlfriend and daughter come in, she came into the front room and suddenly grew a pair of bollocks.

Hiding behind the chair my girlfriend was sitting in, she would pop her head up and bark at me.

I played along, stamping my foot and growling, “Gertcha!” She would then play back by running out of the door before coming back to her hiding place to bark at me again.

It was like she had suddenly discovered that, with my girlfriend acting as a human shield, she was the bravest dog in the world.

I then made the mistake of deciding to clean her bed while she was using my girlfriend as a shield.

Quick as a flash — quick for a bulldog, anyway — she attacked and pinned me down while slobbering all over me.

My girlfriend was of little help during this ferocious attack. She stopped laughing just long enough to steady the camera and take a video.

Apparently, documenting my downfall was more important than coming to my rescue.

Previous: Day 4: Belle’s Bulldog Staycation: Day 4 – The Tenant Takes Over
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The Landlord of the Flat

I think Belle is finally starting to come out of her shell. She now strolls around the entire flat like her name is on the lease, and whenever she hears something in the garden, she charges out to investigate like a grumpy old (wo)man defending her territory.

She’s also nowhere near as skittish with me as she was when she first arrived. Sure, she still runs off when I get too close, but not nearly as often. She’ll now let me walk past her without bolting and has even started following me around the garden from a safe distance.

Insults From Behind the Safe Chair

When my girlfriend and daughter came over, Belle suddenly found her courage. She started barking at me while hiding behind the chair my girlfriend was sitting in. I’d hear a bark, then see her head slowly pop up from the safety of the other side of the chair to check whether I was still there. It was the canine equivalent of shouting insults from behind a brick wall.

The Traitor Revealed

We did that thing where I pretend to hit my girlfriend, and Belle barked furiously at me. Then we swapped roles… and the stupid dog still barked at me. Has the traitor forgotten that I’m the one who keeps her alive by feeding her and keeping the flat and garden cool?

Let’s see if she can open her own tins of dog food.

A Five-Star Review (With Lidl Ham)

Speaking of food, she completely finished her dinner tonight. She obviously enjoyed the evening’s menu: beef and liver in a rich jelly sauce, topped with a generous layer of the finest thinly sliced ham. Or, as humans call it, a tin of Butcher’s dog food with Lidl’s budget ham thrown on top.

Another glowing review for my bulldog staycation business.

The Bedding Incident

The overnight temperature was forecast to drop to 13°C, so I thought it might be a bit too chilly to leave her outside in the shed and garden. After a brief chase around the garden and a stern “Get inside!”, I finally managed to close the back door.

She promptly peed on her bedding.

Apparently, this is something my brother warned me about. Don’t leave anything on the floor, or Belle will claim it as her personal toilet. Consider that lesson learned.

Previous: Day 3: Belle’s Bulldog Staycation: Day 3 – Rain, Snorts and Judgement
Next: Day 5 is coming tomorrow! Check back then or subscribe to get it in your inbox.

Image by Cyril from Pixabay

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The weather heated up to 29°C today in London, which might be great for us humans, but it isn’t so great for our VIP. So I did a few things to try and cool things down for my flat-faced, homeostatically challenged guest.

Beating the Heat on a Bulldog Staycation

I switched on fans in the front room and the shed, put down two bowls of cold water, and, because she isn’t the brightest and insists on sitting in the garden, I turned the sprinkler on to cool the grass. Yes, I know there’s a hosepipe ban in place, but I don’t think running it for five or ten minutes to help keep this pooch alive is going to make the drought any worse.

Caught in a British Downpour

Of course, in true British fashion, a couple of hours later the heavens opened. It wasn’t just raining—it was absolutely hammering it down. This daft dog was sitting right in the middle of the garden while the rain smashed into her face. I ended up chasing her around the garden before she finally agreed to come inside. By the time I’d caught her, we were both absolutely soaked.

The Towel-Down Bonding Session

I think towelling her down might have been the bonding session we needed because, about an hour later, she wandered over, leaned her head against me and demanded a proper head scratch. That’s probably the closest thing you get to a bulldog saying, “Thanks.”

Our First Bulldog Staycation Yelp Review

She’s also become brave enough to stroll around the flat as though she bloody owns the place. A few times while I was having a nap or getting ready for bed, she’d appear silently in the bedroom doorway, let out a loud snort, stare at me for a moment, and then wander off again as if she’d inspected my room, found it wanting, and moved on with the rest of her rounds.

I’m starting to wonder if my hospitality skills are failing, as I’m certain this guest is looking to give me a poor review on yelp (arf arf).

Image by Cyril from Pixabay

Previous: Day 2: Belle’s Bulldog Staycation: Day 2 – Ham, Hope & Hard-to-Win Trust
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Bulldog Staycation: Ninja Stealth vs. X-Ray Vision

I awoke and remembered that I am currently running a one-canine bulldog staycation service, so I had better check on my guest.

As I pressed my nose against the bedroom window I saw Belle staring right back at me. I have no idea how she knew I was there because there was a net curtain hiding me, and I was as silent as a ninja. Either bulldogs have developed X-ray vision, or my stealth skills aren’t quite as good as I like to think.

I brewed myself a coffee and sat on the back step with a piece of ham in my hand. She cautiously inched her way towards me and got close enough to take the ham before allowing me to give her a little stroke. Then she casually wandered off again, as if to remind me that I hadn’t earned full privileges just yet. Still, I’m counting that as a small win.

We made her some breakfast. She ate a little before retreating to her favourite spot at the end of the garden. I had to throw the rest away because it was attracting green flies, and I didn’t fancy Belle getting ill under my watch. I’d never hear the end of it. My brother would bring it up at my wedding, my funeral, and, come to think of it, every family gathering in between.

The TV Critic and the Miniature Tornadoes

She has started venturing into the flat a little more and even had a snooze on her bed next to me while I was watching Rising Damp and Steptoe & Son on Great! TV. I’m not saying she’s developing excellent taste in television, but it’s a promising sign.

Perhaps ‘great selection of classic British sitcoms’ can be added to the bulldog staycation brochure?

My girlfriend and daughter came round for a few hours, and Belle seemed much more comfortable around them than she is around me. This was a big surprise because they both arrive everywhere like miniature tornadoes. I was convinced that all the excitement would terrify my skittish little holidaymaker, but apparently I’m the suspicious one and they’re the comforting ones. Make it make sense.

She only ate about a third of her evening meal. I’m not too concerned, though, as we’re still in the middle of a heatwave. She’s drinking plenty of water and is more than happy to accept ham and treats, so I suspect she’s just not got much of an appetite.

An Unexpected Night Shift

Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard Belle bark. I got up to investigate and discovered she’d come face-to-face with the neighbourhood cat that breezes into my home whenever it feels like it. Judging by the speed at which the cat disappeared, I’m guessing it wasn’t expecting to find a bulldog on reception duty. I think it may choose a different route tomorrow.

Previous: Day 1: Belle’s Bulldog Staycation: Day 1 – Surviving A Stubby-Legged Escape Plot
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The Front Garden Standoff

When she was dropped off, it took me 20 minutes to get her from the front garden into the house. I tried calling her and unsuccessfully attempted to bribe her with treats. In the end, I had to clip her lead on and gently coax her inside.

The moment I removed the lead, she sprinted into the back garden like a stubby-legged Olympian.

I decided to leave her alone as she repeatedly paced around the garden, seemingly looking for a way to escape. Good luck with that, little one – my garden is impenetrable.

I eventually managed to get her to eat a little and have a drink, but I had to put both bowls out in the garden because she refused to come inside. Every time I appeared, she would bolt to the nearest corner as if I were plotting something sinister.

Handling a Bulldog Staycation in the Summer Heatwave

As we are still in the middle of a heatwave I decided not to put her under any more stress. I left the back door open so she could come inside whenever she felt ready. I set up her bed and left plenty of fresh water waiting for her..

While I was in bed that night, I could hear her coming in and out of the house. Every so often, the sound of her snoring drifted into my room, which I took as a good sign. She might not have trusted me yet, but at least she felt safe enough to settle down.

Day one wasn’t exactly a roaring success, but it wasn’t a disaster either. We were simply two strangers cautiously figuring each other out. Hopefully tomorrow she’ll realise I’m not the enemy – I’m just the bloke with the treats and she can start to enjoy her bulldog staycation a lot more.

Next: Belle’s Bulldog Staycation: Day 2 – Ham, Hope & Hard-to-Win Trust

Image by Cyril from Pixabay

The post Belle’s Bulldog Staycation: Day 1 – Surviving A Stubby-Legged Escape Plot first appeared on Dean Saliba Dot Com.

So, as someone who doesn’t have the luxury of working from home on Monday, I’ll be trying to get an early night, wake up at midnight, and then hopefully bag another hour or so of sleep after Mexico knock us out.

God knows what kind of condition I’ll be in by tomorrow afternoon.

I was walking across my estate on my way to finally get my head and face shaved when I noticed a young boy staring at me intently. Before I knew it, he was walking alongside me, his gaze still firmly fixed on me.

After keeping pace with me for half the estate, he finally spoke as we walked past a Lime bike lying discarded on the floor.

“Excuse me, sir.”

I immediately looked around to see who he was addressing.

“Can you unlock this Lime bike for me? It’s only £1.”

I politely said, “No,” and carried on my way, while also having a quick look around for hidden cameras.

What kind of trickery is this!?

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Planning the route was simple: a bus to Whitechapel station, a Windrush line train to Sydenham, and then another bus that would drop me off about three minutes away. Arrival time: 8:04am.

Sounds simple, right?

It went completely tits up when I was waiting for the bus at Sydenham station and watched it go from “2 minutes” to “due” and then disappear entirely from the Countdown display board. The next bus was due in 16 minutes; that one counted down to five minutes and then stayed at that number for at least ten minutes before eventually arriving.

When I disembarked, I followed Google Maps, which insisted that to get to the Parkrun I should walk through someone’s back garden and climb over their fence.

Thankfully, I spotted a couple of masters runners and followed them, and they led me to the venue via the correct (and probably more legal) route. I arrived at 8:58am, so there was no time at all for my usual warm-up run or stretching.

There are toilets at the community café, and the café is where people normally head afterwards. They only accept cash.

The Route

The route is a two-lap course run entirely on grass around two large fields, with maybe 200m on a trail path at the end. As someone who does not do particularly well on grass, and coupled with my lack of warm-up, I decided to add an additional minute to my target time on my watch. 24 minutes was the new aim.

I spent the first kilometre desperately trying to avoid the holes lurking underneath the grass. By the time I came back around on lap two, I was too tired to care whether I snapped an ankle or not.

Overall

I finished in 23:48. I’m pretty sure that if I had arrived much earlier and done a proper warm-up, then sub-23:30 was certainly on the cards.

The volunteers and organisers were warm and very welcoming, and if it were a road event I’d almost certainly be back—but it isn’t, so I won’t.

It is well worth a visit, but I’d recommend going by car and taking advantage of the free car park.

On the bus back to the station, things somehow got worse. The bus stopped at the traffic lights at Bell Green Cross junction for THIRTY MINUTES because the driver refused to enter the box junction—even though you are allowed to as long as you are turning right. There were at least ten buses behind him, and each driver pleaded with him to move, but he was adamant that he wasn’t allowed to do it.

In the end, a few drivers went across and stopped oncoming traffic so he could move. He hesitated, and then another driver leaned into his window and shouted, “FUCKING MOVE!”

When he finally did, he stopped at the next bus stop and changed drivers.

He brought the local network to a standstill and will no doubt receive some choice words from his colleagues when he gets back to the depot.

Image by Joshua Choate from Pixabay

The post The 50th Parkrun That Nearly Didn’t Happen first appeared on Dean Saliba Dot Com.

The urge was so strong that I decided to walk my normal running route home. This route takes me along East Smithfield, The Highway, Narrow Street, and then onto the canal, which takes me home – and I only have to go past one shop.

The huge sense of achievement that rushed through me was something I wasn’t expecting, but I’ll take it.

Katie Hopkins was thrown out of one of my local pubs, the Dundee Arms, recently. I’m not exactly sure what she did for the landlord to ask her to leave during the England–Croatia match, but she certainly deserved it for stepping into that pub. It’s full of pretentious prats and lefties.

I was walking to my girlfriend’s flat when I saw a man sitting on the doorstep of his flat, enjoying a coffee and a cigarette. An intoxicated man then tried to barge past him and go inside because he thought it was a bar.

As I carried on my way, he started a fight with a Lime bike.

Image by Henryk Niestrój from Pixabay

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Staying up past 11pm to watch the mighty England trounce Croatia meant that I only got about four hours of sleep. Not ideal when Thursday is one of the busiest days at work and I had an agency worker to show around.

But if they can win like that on Tuesday against Ghana, then I’ll do it all over again!

I think I irritated everybody at work because I was yawning my head off every five minutes.

Maybe it was the lack of sleep. Maybe it was the hot weather. Maybe I’m just shit (or maybe a mixture of all three), but I really struggled to complete my training run today.

On paper, the session didn’t look too difficult—and I’ve certainly done harder sessions in harsher conditions—but I just could not hit the required pace. During the interval session (8 mins at RP, 3 mins easy pace x3), I had to stop every couple of minutes, and the easy sections were 100% walking breaks.

With about 13 weeks left to go, I’m hoping this is merely a blip caused by the lack of sleep and a busy day at work.

Hopefully, the people who witnessed me shaking my head and swearing as I stomped along the canal towpath were not too alarmed.

Image by ErikaWittlieb from Pixabay

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