debralegg.com http://debralegg.com A working mom's mad adventures in boy land. Mon, 08 Feb 2010 20:20:54 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 en hourly 1 debralegg/vQVWhttp://feedburner.google.comSubscribe with My Yahoo!Subscribe with NewsGatorSubscribe with My AOLSubscribe with BloglinesSubscribe with NetvibesSubscribe with GoogleSubscribe with Pageflakes When circumstances conspire against you http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/debralegg/vQVW/~3/ElGpiKbK4zQ/ http://debralegg.com/2010/02/08/when-circumstances-conspire-against-you/#comments Mon, 08 Feb 2010 20:12:20 +0000 Debra Legg http://debralegg.com/?p=8209 Don't get your hopes up, Dad told me last week, but there's a slight chance I might be able to get home for a few days.

Does immediately hitting Travelocity count as "getting your hopes up"? It turned out that airfare between his temporary base and California was affordable, particularly since we had a slight cushion in the form of the Fontana Fund.

I'd horded the money in hopes of surprising the guys with a trip in February to the NASCAR track only a few hours from home. We'd do it right this time, staying in a hotel the night before so we could get there early enough that the guys could see some of the drivers.

Aw, NASCAR Schmascar. We'd have other chances at races through out the season - this would be our only chance with Dad for quite a while.

As Dad texted back and forth trying to settle dates, he and I agreed that his visit would be a surprise. I'd load the guys up in the car and listen to Big Guy growl because I wouldn't tell him where we're going. We'd get out at the airport, and there Dad would be, larger than life. Or, at least, larger than the Daddy dolls they've hugged in his absence.

A higher up told Dad he could leave Feb. 13, and I bought the ticket. What a Valentine's Day celebration we'd have this year.

First we had to get through paperwork and lost passwords - he had until Tuesday to turn in everything. We battled Web sites and each other all weekend as we tried to nail things down.

You should have sent that paper when you sent the ticket, Dad said.

You didn't tell me you needed me to send the paper, I countered.

Yes, I did.

If you did, I don't remember.

How could you not remember? You never forget anything.

Arrggggggggggggghhhhhhh.

We got it all settled early Sunday afternoon. Less than an hour later,  Dad got a text message. Change of plans. Leave canceled.

This is so not fair, I wanted to cry, but I reminded myself of what I always tell the guys when they complain about an alleged injustice: Fair has nothing to do with it.

And it really doesn't. He's not the first soldier whose plans have suddenly been changed. He's not even the first one in our family that it's happened to - I can't even count the number of weddings, parties and picnics I missed over five years of working weekend shifts.

This situation, though, is just a few clicks stinkier than the ones I used to find myself in. I want to cry. I want to pout. I want to crawl in the closet and hide, and I'm sure those feelings will intensify the day he was supposed to arrive.

But I just can't.

Because I'd booked through Travelocity, I can recoup the Fontana Fund. But I no longer have any enthusiasm for the trip.

The one consolation is that we'd never told the guys about the visit that's not going to happen. Dad and I are disappointed enough without piling their misery on top of it.

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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]]> http://debralegg.com/2010/02/08/when-circumstances-conspire-against-you/feed/ 0 http://debralegg.com/2010/02/08/when-circumstances-conspire-against-you/ Chia Cam: Day 27 http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/debralegg/vQVW/~3/ssGVx7tePHw/ http://debralegg.com/2010/02/06/chia-cam-day-27/#comments Sat, 06 Feb 2010 23:00:43 +0000 Debra Legg http://debralegg.com/?p=8184

Scooby is beginning to represent the attitude that has dogged me my entire life. I want to be an optimistic. I'll go out of my way to look for reasons to be sunny. But deep, deep down I know there's a 99 percent chance the roof is going to cave in.

See that still-green sprout just over his moldy left ear? I want it to be a sign of renewal. I just can't let myself believe, though, that Scooby's "growth" is fated for anything other than that great compost heap in the sky.

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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]]> http://debralegg.com/2010/02/06/chia-cam-day-27/feed/ 0 http://debralegg.com/2010/02/06/chia-cam-day-27/ Readers want information the way they want it. This is news to some http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/debralegg/vQVW/~3/6QEXbrbdgdI/ http://debralegg.com/2010/02/05/readers-want-information-the-way-they-want-it-this-is-news-to-some/#comments Sat, 06 Feb 2010 03:16:42 +0000 Debra Legg http://debralegg.com/?p=8199 If publishers think I'm impatient, wait until the guys throw themselves fully into the Net.

I've only been tapping my foot in front of the microwave for 30 years. My kids have been doing it since they were old enough to stand.

And if I, who didn't learn that 30 seconds is forEVER until late in my teens, have no time for Web sites that jerk readers around, how long will the grown-up guys put up with this nonsense.

The most recent case study: NASCAR's Web site.

Late last season, NASCAR's RSS feed included a decent amount of detail - enough to get me interested, enough to convince me to sometimes click through to the site to read the rest:

"Ryan Newman admitted he was physically sore after a wild end-over-end backflip down Talladega Superspeedway's backstretch in the closing laps of Sunday's Amp Energy 500. But he was just as sore about several other issues, including the propensity of the current chassis design to become airborne, the decision to eliminate bump-drafting in the turns and the overall quality of the racing product."

Of late, though, there's been an epidemic of vague headlines - First practice of season ends with multi-car wreck - followed by a sentence fragment telling me to go to the full story for details.

Say what? I don't want to go to the full story - that's why I subscribed to your RSS feed.

Now, if  you had told me that Denny Hamlin and Mark Martin were involved in the crash, I might have clicked through to the story. I follow Hamlin on Twitter and Martin warms my cold, stony heart because he's the only regular driver older than I am.

But, then, I might not have. Because I'm so impatient that I tap my foot in from of the microwave after 30 seconds and because I could have read several other stories on RSS in the time it took me to move along to your site and get reoriented on something I'd been reading before your silly system interrupted me. Do theaters make the audience change screens mid-movie?

Here's my dirty little secret that explains why many sites hates people like me. If I really, really like your stuff, I seldom go to your site. I use that magic little orange button that you put on your pages because someone told you you needed to. That button tells my computer to run out and fetch the stories for me. I really like it when that button fetches me the full story. I'm much more likely to read the whole thing when that happens.

It's not that I never go to your site. I'll visit if your story inspires, outrages or amuses me enough that I want to comment on it. And I'll click through if I loved your work enough that I want to let my friends on Twitter and Facebook know about it.

I'm sure that behavior vexes you, because you lose the valuable "unique visitor" and "page view" counts when I read on RSS. Ironic, isn't it, since I'm actually a more engaged reader than the ones who flit across your site occasionally. I made the effort to subscribe. I made the commitment to make you a regular habit.

But because you either haven't figured out that you can sell ads on your RSS feed - or you have but you're still banging your head against the wall trying to get  your sales team to get it - you insist on trying to force me onto your site.

It rarely will work. And if it rarely works with me, think of how seldom it will work with my kids. They think 15 seconds is too long at the microwave.

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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]]> http://debralegg.com/2010/02/05/readers-want-information-the-way-they-want-it-this-is-news-to-some/feed/ 0 http://debralegg.com/2010/02/05/readers-want-information-the-way-they-want-it-this-is-news-to-some/ Chia Cam: Day 26 http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/debralegg/vQVW/~3/q5nQWeJeGbQ/ http://debralegg.com/2010/02/05/chia-cam-day-26/#comments Fri, 05 Feb 2010 23:00:25 +0000 Big Guy http://debralegg.com/?p=8181

Sloth is battling greed now, and I have no idea which side is going to win.

Greed: Look at all those beautiful baby basils. Imagine all the sauce they can grow into, all the spaghetti, lasagna and pizza they can cover. I'll repot them to give them room to grow.

Sloth: I know I have bigger pots ... somewhere. But potting soil will require a 45-minute drive. I wonder if I can fake it and convince them to grow in sand?

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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]]> http://debralegg.com/2010/02/05/chia-cam-day-26/feed/ 0 http://debralegg.com/2010/02/05/chia-cam-day-26/ Happy Friendship Day – but I still want chocolate http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/debralegg/vQVW/~3/xz3IywX-3d0/ http://debralegg.com/2010/02/05/happy-friendship-day-but-i-still-want-chocolate/#comments Fri, 05 Feb 2010 20:31:07 +0000 Debra Legg http://debralegg.com/?p=8192 Valentine's Day has been canceled according to Boots' school, which should save a few relationships that normally would shatter in the "I don't want to buy a present" pre-holiday breakup rush.

Don't breathe that sigh of relief too quickly, though, because the event has been rebranded as Friendship Day, which conceivably widens the circle of people deserving gifts.

Yes, the same set that is responsible for turning Halloween parties into Fall Harvest Festivals has fired a shot at Valentine's Day that all the arrows in Cupid's quiver couldn't counter.

Actually, I don't know if it's the same set. Halloween generally has been assailed by religious groups who hearken back - way, way, way the heck back - to its pagan roots. Valentine's Day has Christian roots, and one friend suggested that maybe that's the problem some people have with it. Another friend speculated that perhaps the notion of romantic love is being deemed too racy for the preschool set.

St. Patrick's Day is up next, and I'm sure that will be a problem, too. There are clear religious overtones there,  plus that legend about running the snakes out of Ireland. I'm sure the animal rights crowd will object to that.

Is this what diversity has come to - hammering on every holiday or event because it might offend someone? Because that's not my idea of diversity at all.

My type of diversity celebrates various cultures by celebrating with them. I'm not Asian, but I've enjoyed Chinese New Year. I'm not Mexican, but I've participated in Cinco de Mayo, even though the date actually isn't that important in Mexico. I'm not German but I've gone to Oktoberfest, even when misinformed organizers plan it for late October.

Back when I was in school, the procedure for people who didn't agree with a celebration was simple: Pick your kid up early. There was no need to relabel events because people want to visit ancient roots and find a reason to quibble.

With very little thought, it wouldn't be too hard to find a reason to jettison every holiday on the calendar. Labor Day? Offensive to those who are anti-union. President's Day? Let's not bring partisan politics into it. Goundhog Day? Now there's an animal rights issue if ever there were one. We tote the poor creature out once a year solely for our amusement. Mother's Day? We're excluding orphans. Arbor Day? That's clearly an attack on the timbering industry. Independence Day? We shouldn't offend British-Americans by rubbing it in.

How about, instead of renaming holidays, those who object to certain events simply explain to their children why they disagree with the ones they disagree with.

The rest of us can be free to exchange cards and chocolates. On Valentine's Day, not Friendship Day.

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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]]> http://debralegg.com/2010/02/05/happy-friendship-day-but-i-still-want-chocolate/feed/ 0 http://debralegg.com/2010/02/05/happy-friendship-day-but-i-still-want-chocolate/ A SWAT for mocking parents instead of talking to them http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/debralegg/vQVW/~3/yvbouNnFO-A/ http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/arizona-principal-insulting-letter/#comments Fri, 05 Feb 2010 04:00:06 +0000 Debra Legg http://debralegg.com/?p=8187 I get that some parents are a total pain in the rear. I'm sure I am at times, though I try hard not to be.

And I know that a sarcastic diatribe can be cathartic.

Unless, of course, a subordinate hits "print" on the email and distributes it to her second-grade class, leading the writer's suspension.

That's what happened to Litchfield Elementary Principal Ron Sterr after an email he says was written as a joke wound up in the hands of parents. The Arizona educator has been placed on "administrative leave" with "further disciplinary action pending." That's usually not a good sign.

But, then, Sterr's was an unusually over-the-top letter.

Dear Parents,

Turn off the TV for once and pay attention.

Regarding math:

The math we do is really easy. If your child is either too lazy or too stupid to finish it in class, I'm sending it home so that you can work with them and judge for yourself whether it is laziness or idiocy that inhibits your child's progress.

It gets worse from there, as Sterr tees off on the food allergic, children with disabilities and students whose puppies have died.

Sterr now says the attitudes are not his, but those of a "difficult colleague." Earlier, he said the letter was inspired by a difficult parent he'd dealt with in the past.

Yes, the famous "difficult parents."

Some of us do watch too much television. And, yes, some of us question why our kids have so much homework piled on - mostly, I wonder if it really accomplishes anything.

And I also wonder what Sterr's vent accomplished, particularly since it was done in such a way that virtually ensured it would travel beyond the intended recipient. Hasn't he ever heard the old axiom about never committing anything to paper (or pixels) that you wouldn't want the world to read?

And doesn't he understand that if he is to succeed, he needs the support from parents? I wonder how many of them will wonder the next time they walk into his office - if he ever has an office again - if their questions are being taken seriously or if they're being dismissed as a "difficult parent."

There actually are some areas where I agree with Sterr. Congratulating a kid on finishing school work is indeed "the equivalent of a twenty-year-old wanting to be congratulated for knowing how to tie his shoes." But, then, I'm not big on gratuitous praise when a kid does what he's supposed to do.

For the most part, though, Sterr - and other "educators" who think it's cute to vent before you think - need to Stop Wasting America's Time and learn to value dialogue over catharsis.

We all have to work with difficult people, with folks we disagree with. Sometimes, even, they get on our nerves. Grade-school principals do, too.

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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]]> http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/arizona-principal-insulting-letter/feed/ 0 http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/arizona-principal-insulting-letter/ Chia Cam: Day 25 http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/debralegg/vQVW/~3/pWkKitrfzM8/ http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/chia-cam-day-25/#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 23:15:20 +0000 Debra Legg http://debralegg.com/?p=8178

Garfield now seems to be determined to head down that same bedraggled path Chia Scooby is taking. Note the scraggly brown on one side of his head, though the other remains optimistically green. I'm wondering if a Chia comb over is possible here.

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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]]> http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/chia-cam-day-25/feed/ 0 http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/chia-cam-day-25/ Learning to cope as part of a team http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/debralegg/vQVW/~3/Z8HXkw8d5x8/ http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/learning-to-cope-as-part-of-a-team/#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 20:51:28 +0000 Debra Legg http://debralegg.com/?p=8173 Big Guy came off the court Saturday with a predictable grumble: "I didn't score a single goal. Not one stinkin' goal. I barely got to kick the ball."

I'd warned him about that, telling him that his new league wasn't going to be like the last time he'd played outdoor soccer and he and one other kid had scored most of the goals.

He's on a team now with kids as old as 8, many of them just as fast as he is and most of them better players by virtue of experience alone.

He's also at an age now when a few more rules start to apply and the kids sort of play positions. The simple "see ball, kick ball" era is over for him. Passing and defense now are factors.

He's also seeing the beginnings of a meritocracy, where the more advanced kids get more playing time. Though all players are guaranteed that they'll get to play at least half the game, the 8-year-olds are more likely to see action in both halves. I don't have a problem with that.

Given his basketball meltdown a few weeks ago, though, I knew I had to be careful about this conversation.

"Well, these players are all pretty good, aren't they? It's not like when you and L were oldest and the  really, really good players on the team, is it?" I reminded him.

"They sure are good," Big Guy said. "Even the girls." I wanted to set him straight on that, but I let it slide. At least he was admitting that girls have skills.

"You can learn to a better player, too," I said. "You just have to keep practicing. Pay attention while you're not playing, too. You can learn a lot from watching your teammates."

"I can do that," he grinned. "And maybe I'll get a goal the next game."

I wanted to smack the person who paid him per goal last season, but I knew the money had little to do with Big Guy's desire to score. He lives in a society where we idolize the quarterback but can barely name the defensive line. Where we celebrate the homerun hitter but overlook the person who squibbed out a single to get on base ahead of him and score the winning run. One mom's lectures weren't going to change that.

And Big Guy is coming out of a soccer league where he practically could score at will. It's what he's used to.

If he can learn this season that not everyone is able to start at the top of the heap but that, with hard work, most people are able to improve enough to get within shouting distance of the pinnacle, I'll be happy even if he doesn't score a single goal. It's a lesson that will serve him well, not just in soccer, but in life.

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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]]> http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/learning-to-cope-as-part-of-a-team/feed/ 0 http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/learning-to-cope-as-part-of-a-team/ Don’t blame the food allergic for ruining the party http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/debralegg/vQVW/~3/n44lonefLmc/ http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/dont-blame-the-food-allergic-for-ruining-the-party/#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 19:25:16 +0000 Debra Legg http://debralegg.com/?p=8171 I did a double cringe when the Valentine's Day note came home this week from Big Guy's school: "Due to food allergies, please do not send any candy, cupcakes or food items."

The first cringe came because we'd already bought candy to go with Big Guy's cards. It was the first year he'd asked to take candy early enough to actually do it, and I see no harm in a tiny sweet, so I agreed to buy it.

The second cringe, though, was because of the words "due to food allergies."

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

There's a girl with peanut allergies in Big Guy's class, and I can't say for certain that the request didn't come from her parents. But I can say for sure that I have never, ever, ever, ever stopped any parent from providing any goody at Halloween, Valentine's Day or any other holiday, as long as it's not a treat with peanuts. I don't even have a problem with peanuts as long as the kids don't eat them in class - and most Halloween and Valentine's candy is intended for after class.

Yet, here we are with an unfortunate note that plays to the cliche of the parents of food-allergic children who want to bubble wrap their kids and, in the process, deprive other children of their "rights" to eat whatever they want, when they want. I'm not even sure when that became a "right." It's not in the Constitution that I know of,  though Big Guy's right to a safe school environment is in federal law.

I see the blog posts at least once a week. A mom in one state's upset because the beautiful strawberry cupcakes she baked for her stepson's birthday were banned from his class. Schools in Boston canceled Halloween and pinned the blame on food allergies.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Folks, food bans at school parties existed long before the Americans With Disabilities Act offered protections for children with allergies. The bans have been popping up for the lamest of reasons for more than a decade - one state banned homemade treats because they feared meth addicts would contaminate the treats.

And now bans are all the rage, not because of food allergies, but largely out of fear of the U.S. Department of Agriculture and its nutritional guidelines. That would be the same USDA that has its fingers in practically every school in America through its lunch program so don't underestimate its sway. The same USDA that sets out zany guidelines saying vanilla cupcakes - store-bought only - are OK but chocolate isn't.

It went from the USDA's mouth to states' ears, as district after district across the country rushed to ban all manner of foods. It seems strangely hypocritical given the content of the average school lunch, but that's another rant.

I can't speak for all of the food allergy community, but personally the ban on homebaked treats hinders my child more than yours. I guarantee you that you can buy an affordable bakery cupcake to take for your kids' birthday. I've yet to find one for less than $26 a dozen - plus shipping plus an extra $5 a dozen because I live in California - that my kid can eat. Guess what? I'm not going to pay in excess of $70 so Big Guy can celebrate his birthday at school. I hope he doesn't need counseling because of that.

And the ban on candy, as far as I'm concerned, is completely unnecessary from a food allergy standpoint. Big Guy knows he's not to eat unfamiliar candy until I have a chance to check the ingredients. He's known this he was 2.

So don't blame us if you think Valentine's Day is ruined for your kid. It's not our fault.

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.Similar Posts:
]]> http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/dont-blame-the-food-allergic-for-ruining-the-party/feed/ 0 http://debralegg.com/2010/02/04/dont-blame-the-food-allergic-for-ruining-the-party/ Giving police faster information – great. But at what cost? http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/debralegg/vQVW/~3/A2WVI-ld0ZI/ http://debralegg.com/2010/02/03/giving-police-faster-information-great-but-at-what-cost/#comments Thu, 04 Feb 2010 02:38:09 +0000 Debra Legg http://debralegg.com/?p=8164 I have absolutely no problem with the police knowing anything my Internet Service Provider knows about me - as long as they use a proper search warrant to obtain the information.

Anyone's a fool to think that stuff's private anyway, and poking into emails is really no different than the police obtaining telephone records via search warrant. Usually by search warrant, that is. Unless they can talk the ISP into skipping that step.

I don't even have a problem with law enforcement wanting a system by which they can file requests for information electronically - cutting down on the paperwork and speeding up the transaction makes sense and should be imminently do-able in the 21st Century.

Except here's the problem: Courts aren't exactly the most technologically advanced institutions on the planet. I imagine that many would be unwilling to email a search warrant to an ISP, let alone file one electronically.

Maybe that doesn't even matter, and that's where the idea starts to reek. According to some excellent reporting by CNet, a proposed new system would directly link police and ISP computers. While I'm sure that no one sworn to uphold the law would access information without having a proper search warrant ...

Wait. Strike that. Because that's exactly what the FBI has been doing with phone records.

Holy probable cause, Batman - and that's if we as a nation still recall the concept of probable cause and haven't completely devolved to a "shoot first and ask questions later" mentality.

In case you've forgotten all about it, here's this little description, courtesy of the Fourth Amendment of the U.S. Constitution:

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

In a way, it boggles the mind that police agencies who frequently plead that they're too technologically crippled to provide the media and the public with electronic access to information on crimes would even be interested in having direct access to ISP data.

On the off chance that police are beginning to overcome their technophobia enough to be able to navigate such a system, though, it should not be put in place without safe guards against fishing expeditions.

Safe guards such as our old friend probable cause.

Copyright 2010 Debra Legg. All rights reserved.

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