As many of our friends know we’ve gone on 2 Facebook “breaks” recently.  Mostly due to issues mentioned in previous blog postings. These last 4-5 weeks have been incredibly emotional, and there have been a lot of things going on behind the scenes that contributed to those decisions.

This last “break” was probably more serious, at least at the start. It became apparent to me, though, that I didn’t want to be off Facebook because of the perceptions of a handful of people. I love being on Facebook. I love interacting with friends and family. I love being sarcastic and bantering back and forth.

Probably some of you would love for us to not be on Facebook, if for nothing less than to not blow up your News Feed and Ticker. But we both love being able to share with friends and family. Whether it’s sharing our pithy comments, sharing photos and videos of Fitzy, sharing Danielle’s amazing photography, or sharing blog posts and the love of Jesus, we love sharing it with all of you.

We decided, at the advice of a dear friend, to start over with fresh accounts. Man, was that a pain. We both wanted to use the same email addresses as our old accounts, so you first need to add another address to each account. Then confirm that address. Then make that address the primary address for the account. Then remove the old address. Then deactivate the account. Oh, and if you want to delete the account? That’ll be at least 2 weeks. Sheesh. And don’t get me started on deleting friends once you’ve activate Timeline. It literally took me 2 hours to delete 40 people once.

So, we’re back. Trying to stick to some boundaries. Trying to enjoy our friends and family without worrying about everyone’s perception of us. Well, maybe the Rock Star doesn’t worry, but I do.

As a younger Tiger Woods once said, “Hello, World.” Or in our case, “Hello, Facebook.”

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the concept of being full of grace and truth.

Warning – Truth Bombs to follow.

Jesus was full of truth and grace. Case in point, the woman at the well. She admits she has no husband. In John 4:17-18 Jesus replies, “You are right when you say you have no husband. ¹⁸ The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.”

Woah, Truth Bomb dropped. In today’s vernacular, Jesus basically says, “Yes, you have been a whore, but at least you’ve been honest about it.”

This sort of “brutal” honesty is something lacking in the modern church, in my opinion. So many times we here “don’t judge me”, or “careful, you don’t want to judge someone.” Many times people refer back to John 7:3, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye.”

In today’s church we seem to avoid calling things for what they are, for fear of hurting someone’s feelings, judging, etc. I think we have the concept of judging messed up. I see judging as looking at someone who dresses differently or looks differently and coming to a conclusion about them, without knowing all the facts. That’s just one example.

It’s not judging to say, “hey, you really sliced that drive there, Tiger.” It’s truth based on an observation.

It’s not judging when your brother/sister is clearly living in sin and you point it out, lovingly and gracefully to them. In fact, your doing them a favor.

The trick is to find the balance between truth and grace. Too much truth with no grace leads to hopelessness on the end of the one being Truth Bombed. Too much grace without truth leads people into a false sense of themselves that’s not grounded in the reality of their situation.

Truth: Jesus calls Peter Satan when He gets in the way of God’s plan.

Grace: Jesus restores Peter to fellowship after the resurrection and builds His church on Peter.

Truth: Jesus confronts the woman about to be stoned by the Pharisees.

Grace: Jesus turns away the Pharisees and saves the woman’s life.

I could go on and on with different examples of the balance between truth and grace in Jesus’ life. Jesus was truth, and he was grace.

For a cultural reference, look at the example of Whitney Houston. Now, I don’t mean to disparage the dead. However, let’s take a look at her life. Was she an insanely talented singer? Definitely. And apparently gave her life to Jesus at some point. Nobody knows that for certain except God and Whitney.

But let’s also face the facts – she was a drug addict the past 10+ years of her life. That’s no condemnation or judgment of her. It’s just a fact. No different than saying, “Barack Obama is the current President of the United States.” I find it a little odd that death tends to make us look at people through rose-colored glasses. Again, no slap at Whitney. But she had issues. Issues that someone in her life should have stood up against and seen that she got help with. I don’t know, perhaps they did. But it seems that all too often when it comes to celebrities their inner circles amount to nothing more than “yes men” who enable them.

What a tragic loss of life at such a young age. I think it’s fair to say that Whitney battled demons. We all do. There is nothing judgmental in that statement. It’s just a fact.

Today, take a look at yourself. Ask yourself, “am I dropping too much truth on people with no helping of grace to go alongside?” Or perhaps, “am I showing so much grace that I’m shielding someone from the truth of their situation – a situation that definitely needs the truth to shine through?”

May we all strive to be like Jesus – full of truth AND grace.

26 “In your anger do not sin”[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
I have dealt with a lot of anger recently, and since writing appears to be therapeutic for me, I figured I’d get some of it out here.

WARNING: continue reading at your own risk.

There have basically been two incidents that have spawned a lot of these anger issues.

1.) Our second miscarriage

Although having Fitzy helps out so much, it still was a total emotional sucker punch for me. Danielle was more prepared because she felt something was wrong. I tried to reassure her several times that everything would be ok. I don’t know how many times I did that while we were pregnant with Fitzy, and everything turned out wonderfully.

I know people have meant well when they tell me that Fitzy will help, and I am thankful for all you who have said that to me. But it still sucks. It just plain sucks.

Do you know how many people are out there that shouldn’t being have kids that seem to pop them out like it’s nothing? Do you know how painful it is to lose 2 children you never met but somehow love with all your heart when people couldn’t care less about their children? I don’t even know how to put it into words. It’s so incredibly frustrating and painful.

I am very thankful for friends and family who have tried their absolute best to help during both our miscarriages. Although the circumstances surrounding each were different, they were still incredibly painful. Sometimes there are no words that can be said to comfort. And that’s fine. We’re all only human, and there’s only so much we can do.

We do have hope in God that things will get better and that He works all things together for our good (Romans 8:28). I know that. I get that. But, let’s be honest, sometimes even knowing that truth with all your heart doesn’t seem to be enough when you feel like your heart is being torn apart.

Don’t get me wrong. That truth is enough, but sometimes it certainly doesn’t feel like enough.

2.) The second issue is something I’m fairly sure I’ve never had to deal with before, and it’s been a real thorny issue.

I was recently accused of having some inappropriate interactions on Facebook. This was one of the reasons we took a break for a week.

The accusation hit me like a ton of bricks. In my mind the interactions I had were by absolutely no means inappropriate.

I appreciate my friend looking out for me and my marriage, and I assured him that there was nothing going on.

But the fallout has been rough. And that’s putting it lightly.

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t be yourself? Because that’s how I’ve felt over the past few weeks. I catch myself second guessing almost everything I say, especially on Facebook, for fear that it might be misinterpreted and cause even more problems. It sucks that I feel like I have to change who I am because of other people’s perceptions of me and my actions.

I think, to an extent, this whole incident has made me much more angry than the miscarriage. Or maybe just a different kind of angry.

It got to the point where I totally freaked out on Danielle one night, which was part of the inspiration for this blog post. This situation has caused a lot of stress on our marriage that we’ve never had to deal with before, and things have gotten “real” a time or too in dealing with all the feelings, etc. brought on by it. The good news is that we are stronger and have a better relationship because of this situation.

Here’s the thing.

For many years I have had more girl friends than guy friends. Growing up, almost all throughout school, I hung out with my cousin since we’re practically the same age. And who did we hang out with? You guessed it, her female friends. That pretty much continued all the way through high school, where I picked up even more female friends, probably because the ratio was pretty stacked in the girls’ favor, at least in our class.

This might get me some grief, but I basically describe myself during this time as the non-gay stereotypical gay friend that girls have.

Fast forward to college. My very first friend I made was during my Spanish class, which just so happened to be taught by a German. In our advanced Spanish classes it was basically me and another guy friend and then all girls. Then we attended FCA and CCC where the ratios were also heavily in favor of the girls.

Danielle has a lot of amazing friends that I’m also friends with. It just seems to be how it’s worked out.

I would love to have even a couple really close guy friends. I mean the kind where you can just lay it all out there and say whatever you want, without fear of being judged, etc. At this point I haven’t found those people, but I have made some great friends in the past year or so and those friendships are continuing to develop.

I know I need those guy friends. Danielle and I are both aware of becoming “too close” with a guy or girl that’s not each other. Respectively. We talk about those things. Having safe guards in place to not get in those situations. Because the reality is. It happens. To people you never thought it would.

I feel even less amped up about this issue as I come to the end of the blog post, so thanks for being part of my therapy.

I LOVE that line.

So, this past weekend, I’ve found myself the “victim” of the Facebook block on 2 separate occasions. I figured I would share the circumstances and some observations.

Block #1

Oh, Facebook Ticker, I love you and sometimes loathe you at the same time. I already have a propensity to throw my $.02 in on occasion, and the Ticker just feeds that propensity. The other day I noticed that my cousin, Cody, had chimed in on a wall post by a famous Florida radio personality. The post was something to the extent of, “women have it way harder then men. Men can’t possibly understand. Women should be treated better than men, due to the fact that they are women.” Now, this is my paraphrase.

Cody countered with some comments highlighting the value / worth of men, and basically got virtually stomped on for it. At this point I decided to chime in.

Here’s my thing. We’re all created equal. Period. None of us are better than anyone else. We are all commanded to treat each other as Christ would. The end.

And that was the point I tried to share. Well, one lady went off on me, how I was lucky that my wife / significant other hadn’t decided to get a hysterectomy so she didn’t have to deal with the burdens of womanhood. Now, we’re currently going through our 2nd miscarriage, and I just about went through the roof. Half a dozens replies floated through my mind before rational thought prevailed and I offered what I thought was a calm and honest response.

When I checked the post later I realized I couldn’t see any of the woman’s responses, but I could see replies from other people. I had been the recipient of the Block. Now, Danielle chimed in later on with some awesome responses.

Block #2

On the heels of the emotional posts last night regarding the death of Whitney Houston, I noticed one fly through my Ticker from the page of a well known Pro Life proponent. She had mentioned that she was praying for Whitney Houston’s soul.

I’m sorry, but I don’t find evidence that once someone has stepped into eternity our prayers can effect where they spend said eternity. Paul mentions in 2 Corinthians 5:8 that being absent from the body is to be present with the Lord. In Hebrews 9:27 we read that man is destined to die once and then face judgment.

Perhaps there is a purgatory. I can’t say for sure. But why in the world would you want to gamble your eternity on whether or not purgatory exists. That’s a bet I don’t want to take.

When I went back to the post later on I noticed that I couldn’t comment and that all my comments had been deleted.

I had received The Block.

Now, I get it. This post sounds like I’m just whining about getting blocked by two strangers on Facebook. That’s really not the point I’m trying to make.

Danielle recently posted on the topic of criticism and our ability to hear and handle the truth, even when it hurts. I couldn’t agree more.

Let’s tie this back to the Bible. Let’s take a look at Matthew 16:21-23.

From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.²² Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”

²³ Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

 

In the words of a TV character, “Oh, snap!” Jesus just dropped one of the biggest Truth Bombs ever on his boy Peter. He called him Satan. It does get more harsh or true than that.

If you would grant me some artistic freedom, let’s fast forward a couple thousand years to see how this might have played out if Jesus and Peter used Social Media.

Jesus Tweets / FB posts: I must suffer many things at the hands of man and be killed.

Peter replies / comments: No way, Jesus! That’s not going to happen!

Jesus: Get behind me, Satan!

Peter blocks Jesus from posting on his wall and then hides Jesus. Who does that guy think he is anyway? Peter definitely stops following Jesus on Twitter and blocks him there too.

Peter posts on his Facebook, “can you believe what Jesus called me? He called me Satan. The nerve of that guy.” He Tweets this to all of his followers and causes a rift in Christianity that never completely heals.

Instead, what does Peter do? Well we don’t know what his exact reaction was, but we do know he was ready to lop off ears in the Garden of Gethsemane. Sounds like he handled Jesus’ harsh words pretty well.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

And lest you think I can lob truth bombs and not take them, believe me, in the past few weeks I’ve handled more than my fair share.

Remember Jesus’s words, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free…”

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the election. Who am I kidding? I think about politics all the time.

I’m especially concerned with what I perceive to be a lack of interest in politics in the church as a whole. Perhaps people are afraid to trample on the Separation of Church and State. Here’s a hint. It doesn’t exist, at least certainly not the way it’s used in today’s society.

And I quote…

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof

That’s it. Do you see anything about not putting up a nativity scene in the town square during Christmas? Or not being able to pray at a school baccalaureate service? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

I’m so tired of people telling us what we can’t do when it comes to our freedom of religious expression. It simply doesn’t exist in the Constitution. PERIOD.

Ok, that tangent aside. I’ve started to think about our perception of Jesus, especially when it comes to political issues. I know this a sensitive subject people don’t like to talk about, but guess what? We need to talk about it. We need to take an objective look at Jesus and the inspired Word of God to see how they approach political issues.

1. Jesus was pro tax. No, seriously, He was. Check out Mark 12:13-17.

Later they sent some of the Pharisees and Herodians to Jesus to catch him in his words. ¹⁴ They came to him and said, “Teacher, we know that you are a man of integrity. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are; but you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. Is it right to pay the imperial tax^[b] to Caesar or not? ¹⁵ Should we pay or shouldn’t we?”   But Jesus knew their hypocrisy. “Why are you trying to trap me?” he asked. “Bring me a denarius and let me look at it.”¹⁶ They brought the coin, and he asked them, “Whose image is this? And whose inscription?”

“Caesar’s,” they replied.

¹⁷ Then Jesus said to them, “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.”

And they were amazed at him.

Certainly seems Jesus supported the paying of taxes, and this was during a time of extreme Roman oppression. I also LOVE that it was the religious leaders who were trying to trap Him, and He dropped a big ol’ Truth Bomb on them.

1. The Bible supports hard work. There are countless examples of the importance of work, not being a sluggard, etc. throughout the Bible. One verse in particular stands out. Check out 2 Thessalonians 3:10.

¹⁰ For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.”

Hmmm…that doesn’t sound terribly pro hand out, now does it? At least not supportive of government hand outs. Paul makes it pretty clear. You work hard, or you don’t eat. I don’t see anywhere in that verse where it mentions food as a right.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating for starving people, or anything insane like that, but there is something to be said for taking personal responsibility, working hard, and reaping the rewards of that hard work – no matter how big or small they might be.

1. The government isn’t supposed to take care of the needy. The church is. Again, countless Scriptures to back this up, but check out Jesus’ own words in Matthew 25:34-45.

Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world.³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in,³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

⁴¹ “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.⁴² For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink,⁴³ I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

⁴⁴ “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

⁴⁵ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

Jesus makes it clear that when we take care of the “least of these” we are in fact taking care of / doing good deeds toward Him. It’s on us, not the Federal government or some spending program. The church needs to be the hands and feet – meeting peoples’s basic needs and showing the love of Jesus in a tangible way.

Just going to throw this out there, if the church really stepped up in that area, we probably wouldn’t need the litany of government entitlement programs out there today.

So, there you have it. Again, this is my take on things, and I certainly might be wrong. But we need to take a hard look at Jesus and God’s Word as we make crucial decisions in this election year.

1. I really missed my friends. I know it sounds like a stalker, but I enjoy keeping up with everyone (even if it’s just stalking the News Feed) and interacting with my friends.
2. I didn’t miss Facebook as much as I thought I might. I know this sounds hypocritical, given that I’m back now, but it wasn’t bad. We actually spent more time together as a family. I read slightly more, and got back into Twitter, which, in some ways, I enjoy more than Facebook.
3. My phone chirped a whole lot less this week. I actually caught myself once looking to the bottom right corner of my screen, having forgotten that I had deleted the Facebook app already.
4. Twitter seems to be a better way to connect with “famous” people. As evidence I submit A and B.
5. I put way to much stock in what other people think about me. Meaning that I allow it to control too much of my self worth. And that’s not cool. It’s something I’m working on.

Let me start out with a video from Steven Furtick, pastor of Elevation Church.

Now, I get it, when there are people in the church that all they do is slander, complain, tear down, etc., something needs to be done to address them. Try to find out why they are so negative. They need to be admonished, following the principles outlined in Matthew 18:15-17:

15 “If your brother or sister[b] sins,[c] go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’[d] 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

However, I’m afraid that sometimes the church / church leaders perceive anyone with anything critical to say as a “hater”. This to me seems like a dangerous position to take. Here’s why.

Let’s agree on a bit of Biblical logic before I explain why this is a dangerous position.

1.) God can use anyone or anything to speak for Him. We see evidence of this in Numbers 22:26-31

Then the angel of the LORD moved on ahead and stood in a narrow place where there was no room to turn, either to the right or to the left. ²⁷ When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, it lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat it with his staff. ²⁸ Then the LORD opened the donkey’s mouth, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?”

²⁹ Balaam answered the donkey, “You have made a fool of me! If only I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now.”

³⁰ The donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day? Have I been in the habit of doing this to you?”

“No,” he said.

³¹ Then the LORD opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with his sword drawn. So he bowed low and fell facedown.

Clearly, the Lord used the donkey to speak to Balaam. So, it only stands to reason that He could also use another person to speak for Him.

2.) God rebukes those He loves. We see this in Hebrews 12:5-6.

And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
⁶ because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

Clearly, when God rebukes, He does it out of love, but He definitely does rebuke. He used the donkey to rebuke / spare Balaam from the certain danger awaiting him in the form of the angel.

3.) If God can use anyone to speak and God rebukes those who love Him, then it is entirely possible that God can and (more likely than not) WILL use others to speak things into our lives we don’t necessarily want to hear.

Proverbs 27:17 says “as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” It’s clear from the these words, written by Solomon and inspired by God that God uses others to sharpen us. Iron striking iron is a painful metaphor. It’s not like memory foam being gently shaped. It’s a painful process, but it’s a godly process.

If we can agree on all these points, we can see that godly criticism (not the kind simply used for tearing down) can be for our benefit, if we let it. Even Jesus criticized Peter when Peter wanted to set up tents for Him on the Mount of transfiguration. Jesus criticism was to the point of “Get behind me, Satan!” in Matthew 16:23. Harsh words indeed, but they were words Peter needed to hear. They were a part of the process of transforming Peter into the man who would leads thousands to Christ after the Resurrection.

My concern for the church “in general” is that we don’t seem to do too well at receiving constructive criticism. Many times we are quick to label people as “haters” if they don’t share our point of view. By labeling people, we immediately squelch what could be a positive discussion.

We need to do a better job of coming to grips with our imperfections, and taking care of the “plank” in our own eye, as it were. None of us are perfect. We all have a lot we can learn from each other, if we will be open to hear God’s voice speaking to us through imperfect vessels.

…who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion… (Psalm 103:4)

I’ve been thinking about this verse lately, and it, and the feedback I received from my last post, sparked me to share another personal story I hope will be helpful.

There are a handful of times in my life where I’ve felt like I’ve been at my lowest – Joel Stephen’s funeral, the loss of our first baby due to miscarriage, finding out my dad had Leukemia. I found out this year that those weren’t my lowest points.

Let me share some background information. For as long as I can remember I have had an “anxious” personality, for lack of a better term. I was the kid who said, “guys, I don’t think we should do this – we’re going to get in trouble” to Dan and Dave Fitzgerald, oh, a million times or so growing up. I was the kid who got nervous that the class was going to get in trouble in 4th grade. I was that college student who dry heaved before every speech in his Comm 101 class.

This year I learned that I’ve been the guy who’s been anxious about what other people think about him for a long, long time. Only this time my anxiousness manifested itself at and through my work – to an extreme extent.

It seemed to start early in the year, January or February. And it got worse and worse and worse. Getting up in the morning was a chore. I woke up in panic sweats. I tried to stay up as late as possible, because I knew going to sleep meant that I had to get up in the morning and start the process all over again. At times I lost my appetite pretty much all together. I second-guessed every single decision I made at work, for fear that I would screw up and “get in trouble” (whatever that even meant)

It finally got to the point where one morning I pretty much refused to go to work. I called in sick and that was that. Danielle begged me to go. My mom begged me, then came over, prayed with me, and I still wouldn’t go. Finally dad called. I could tell he was worried. He told me I HAD to go. He even offered to drive me himself. I finally made it in, but things didn’t seem to get any better.

Fast forward a bit. My parents were awesome enough to plan a night of prayer with some close family and friends. I would like to list them here and give them the respect and honor they deserve for pouring into my life that night. In no particular order: rob and Cindy Fitzgerald, Mike and Mindy Yoder, Jay and Ashley Smith, Lon Williams, Bruce and Marilyn Clark and, of course, my parents.

What they did that night means more than they will ever know. They spoke life and encouragement into me. They prayed for me. They listened to my heart. My dad spoke such amazing things into my life. He even told me I was his hero!

And yet, the next day, the problem was back. It persisted until sometime in July or early August. I remember sitting at Liberty Bible church listening to Lon’s teaching in the “Faith: It’s the new safe” series, and I literally felt a weight lift off me. That may sound melodramatic, but that’s what I experienced.

Looking back now, the depression I felt didn’t make any logical sense. It was a great point in my life. Work was going well. We had a new amazing baby boy, were in a great church, etc. There was nothing to be depressed about, but I still was.

If you’re going through a similar experience, there is hope. Hope that can only be found in the love of Jesus. There is hope when you are at the lowest of lows. He is the only won that can provide real hope and real answers.

Hang in there. Talk to a friend. Get prayer. Hang on to God. Even if that is all you can do, just hang on.

Remember, he is the one who can rescue your life from the pit.

I’m not sure what I think should happen to Joe Paterno. Doesn’t really matter at this point, since he’s already announced his retirement. Should he have called the police or made sure more was done to follow up on the allegations? Probably. But, what if he had and nothing had been done then, then what? Should he have forced the police to do their job? At what point would people have declared that he had done “enough”? Would it even have been possible? It’s hard to say. I just know that it’s incredibly sad that his legacy will be tainted in this way, after all the great stuff he has done for so many young men, for the university, for college football in general. It’s so very sad.

That is in no way meant to diminish what happened to these young men. That is far more tragic than any “injustice” done to Joe Paterno.

Before I continue, I should note that this post will cover some graphic topics. You’ve been warned.

It wasn’t until today that it hit me as to one of the reasons why I’ve been so angry and emotional.

I had an experience similar to the victims in this story when I was around their age. I was never raped or made to perform a sex act on someone, but I was violated by someone I considered a close friend. There was kissing and inappropriate touching, and I’ve never forgotten about this unfortunate incident.

I think over the years I’ve tried to forget that this ever happened. You know, out of sight, out of mind as they say. I’ve never wanted to embrace the victim mentality, to make any sort of excuses for my behavior based on what happened to me, etc. etc.

In fact, I’ve only ever told 3 people in my entire life about this experience. But I felt like now was the time to share, in hopes that something like this can be prevented in the future.

While I cannot fathom the pain, etc. that these boys (now young men) have and will continue to go through, I can relate, perhaps better than some.

As I was growing up this incident really affected me, even when I didn’t realize it. Sometimes you wonder if you are somehow complicit in the act. “Why didn’t I fight it off more, if I knew something was wrong?”. “Why did I let this happen?” The questions go on and on. There were times when I wondered if I was perhaps gay, since the incident happened with another male. I’ve had to live with the fact that my first kiss experience happened in such a tragic way.

Probably worse than the effect this has had on me is knowing that similar things happened to other people at the hands of this person, and if I had brought more attention to what happened to me, they may have been prevented. It’s incredibly painful to think about that. I know that you can’t live your life in regret, but to know that it might have made a difference is a hard pill to swallow.

My hope in telling my story is that it helps prevent a tragedy like this from happening to someone else. Many times we’re told to watch for signs of kids being abused, but what if there are no signs? I don’t even know what all the signs are myself, but I’m fairly certain I haven’t exhibited such signs.

My advice is to be there for your kid or for kids that come and talk to you. Really listen to them and try to read between the lines when possible.

Also, if you’ve experienced abuse, please tell someone you trust that will help you. I know that it’s incredibly painful and awkward, but if it can prevent that kind of pain for someone else, it is completely worth it.