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As everyone by now surely knows, I was raised in an evangelical Christian household, and subscribed to the tenets of that faith until several years ago. In the evangelical world, the big step toward finding peace and happiness, attaining heaven and avoiding hell, is to become “saved”. To become “saved” or “born again”, you must first be compelled of the Holy Ghost to seek god. Once you are compelled or “convicted”, you confess your sins to Jesus, ask his forgiveness and invite him to live inside of you (creepy, I know). In some denominations, this process can also include “evidence” that the spirit has entered your body by displaying outward signs. Usually, baptism is an eventual step as well. Overall, the entire process can be emotionally draining and grueling, often including tears, emotional outbursts and an actual feeling before and that you are a completely worthless, horrible individual who deserves the worst punishment possible – eternal torment. Afterward, you feel happier, buoyant, and clean of all your “sins”.

Of course, the happy feeling doesn’t last, because you have to go back to the real world, and your day-to-day life. This life will not have changed. You will still have the same difficulties, the same desires, the same joys and the same pain as you did before you became “born again”. The sad part being that you are even less equipped to deal with it in the long run.

When you become “saved”, you have a new set of rules and regulations to follow. Some of these encompass behaviors you may already indulge in, including drinking, swearing, smoking, and certain types of music, drugs, and sex, porn – the list goes on and on. Many of these things may be unhealthy for you, many of them are benign. Either way, you now have to determine, mostly on your own or with the help of an ancient, somewhat cryptic book, which things you can and cannot do in order to stay on the straight and narrow. The first time you even want to indulge in one of the above behaviors or any other that is considered “sinful”, you may be racked with guilt and uncertainty. By the community at large, this is considered a good thing. You are feeling “convicted”, which means the spirit is inside of you guiding your path. It’s kind of like the old adage, “If it doesn’t hurt, it isn’t working!” However, that doesn’t really help your frame of mind when you start to worry about your faith. You may fear that your salvation didn’t take; that it wasn’t good enough. Also, if Jesus was in your heart like he should be, shouldn’t fighting the demons be easier? Lastly, if you DO indulge in the forbidden fruit, the guilt is compounded exponentially. If you are fully determined, however, to stay on the path to heaven, you have to go through the process of asking for mercy again. It really is an endless cycle of feeling guilty when you slip up, then feeling happy again when you’ve asked forgiveness and/or done something that IS considered good/holy/acceptable as a believer.

Now, as I said above, some of the forbidden behaviors are harmful, especially if taken to extremes. Religion is one tool our society uses for leading a life free of vices. Of course, not all desire for these vices is banished by religious ritual, including being “born again”. Looking at it from the outside now, I see how harmful the process itself can actually be; even more so for those who may already have emotional problems.

When a person is saved, they are directed to the Bible and/or church for help with living a vice-free life. However, the only real advice, aside from “try to resist” that is given by the church is “ask God for help” “turn to God” or “God will help you through the tough times”. Too much of the lifestyle of the newly converted relies on the invisible, the emotional and the magical. When you are saved, you are expected to “feel” a different way. You should feel the guiding hand of God in your life. You should be able to discern, often from a gut feeling or an instinct, which options are good or bad in your life. Needless to say, being encouraged to live your life and make monumental decisions based on a feeling is counter-productive, if you are trying to become a more logical, valuable member of society. Emotions are an entirely fickle beast. Every emotion we have can be affected by environment, predisposition, memory, health, smells, temperature and a myriad of other factors. Thus, reliance having or not having an emotion or a feeling to confirm that you are or are not making a correct decision is asinine at best. Supposedly the next best thing is to rely on the emotion, plus attempt to live by the cryptic words of Bronze Age, barely literate shepherds who weren’t very far away from thinking that fire was magical and that illness was caused by demons. If you really are trying to beat emotional problems, issues with addiction or guilt from past wrongs, I would think you would want to lean more toward making decisions based on logic and reason, rather than inapplicable holy books and knee jerk reactions.

Overall, I think trying to live a cleaner, healthier life is great. I think if religion helps you get there, that’s fine too. People use detox, rehab, “anonymous” meetings, yoga, vitamins, exercise and therapy to help rid themselves of personal demons. I think any effort to better one’s self is to be applauded. However, a doctrine that instructs you to rely on feelings, capitalizes on guilt and waits for the magical has to fall to the bottom of my list.

Being “saved” is a purely emotional thing, and emotions should be only a small factor in the big life decisions. That’s just my opinion though – and I don’t have Jesus in my heart. :)

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