Deliciously Redundant

Confidence, Cohen

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 05:23:00 +0000

I need to meet new girls.

A Warm Place

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 06:48:00 +0000

First post in a long time.

I think it's time for a radical shift in direction.

My life has changed immensely in the past six months and I'm going to change this blog along with it.

No more cliche high school drama. No more whining. No more complaining.

Time to do a little growing up and write about something meaningful.

Life is beautiful and there's absolutely no reason to waste my time complaining about things that only I have the ability to change.

Thank You

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 03:25:00 +0000

Well they're officially dating. I think I probably won't be writing for awhile. Thanks for listening.

My Rights Versus Yours

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:36:00 +0000

Wow. Check this out. I may not have a lot of respect for wrestling as a whole, but this is ridiculous. Why does the media need to twist everything? Selling more stories does not make you fair and balanced.

The Inevitable Rise and Liberation of NiggyTardust!

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 00:17:00 +0000

Internet is down at my house right now, so updates might be a bit sporadic for awhile here...not that they haven't been in the past, haha.

I've been really diving in to some research on the music industry lately, trying to decide why I feel the way I do about downloading music illegally. This really resonated with me, and I hope you guys think it's interesting too.

Artists like Saul Williams and Radiohead are determining the future of the music scene, and I can't wait to see where it ends up. I only hope more bands decide to follow their example, and I wish people would have caught on sooner.

Digital distribution is the future, whether record companies want to admit it or not. Steve Jobs has taken some baby steps in the right direction, with DRM free downloads from the iTunes store, but even those are imprinted with the username of the person downloading it.

Despite never having used it, OiNK really was the best thing to happen to the music scene. If recording companies had put their considerable political and financial muscle behind developing something like it early on in the game, ie when Napster was still around, they easily could've pushed Napster and other lookalikes out of the filesharing arena simply by offering a better, faster, service.

Shiksa (Girlfriend)

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 01:47:00 +0000

Last night we went to a Halloween party and she freaked out. It was in Uptown and it was a group of D's friends who we didn't know at all. We were walking down the stairs towards the party and she disappeared. I figured she had gone to some other part of the apartment but when none of us had seen her in a half hour or so we went looking.

Turns out she was back in the car because she was too scared to mingle. It's times like this when I wish we were dating the most, so I could take her in my arms and tell her that it's ok to be scared sometimes and that I would never hold it against her.

But we're not together.

And neither are her and D, apparently. Despite her profile changing, her texting D and calling him her boyfriend, and telling her sister about it, and the fact that I'm 99% sure they fooled around last night. She claims they're not together and I have to take her at her word I guess.

We're drinking at her house tomorrow and I'm scared. I really don't want anything to happen but I just can't say no. I almost hope I get sick so I don't have to worry about it.

Call to Arms

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 04:08:00 +0000

Angels and Airwaves is, in my opinion, one of the most criminally underrated bands in the modern music scene. People are so afraid to open up to something new, that they dismiss it as crap the second they hear it. It took me awhile to open up to Tom DeLonge's new band, especially after being such a huge Blink182 fan for almost 10 years now. Once I did, I realized that AVA really is something special...someone trying to create something truly unique and amazing in a scene that's plagued by repetitive and overused cliches. Unbelievable stuff. I'm listening to I-Empire as I write this and it's quite possibly a contender for album of the year.

The Truth is you Should Lie With Me

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 01:34:00 +0000

Whoops, we hooked up again.

And she's dating D. Well, not dating him, she called it a trial run. And then she broke down crying saying I wasn't supposed to know about it until I left for UMD, because she was afraid she would lose me.

I suppose I should go back and start at the beginning.

On Thursday, I noticed that her and D had both removed being single from their profiles within minutes of each other. Friday night, we headed over to B's house to drink a little and just hang out, most of my friends were at Butler visiting S. B was all over her and she was pretty cuddly, but that was it. AS got really drunk and ended up having a complete meltdown in the car on the drive home, screaming about how she hated her life, her family thought she was a failure, her uncle died on Wednesday and she wasn't going to be able to go to his funeral to say goodbye, her sister treated her like crap and talked about her behind her back...and how she missed TB.

She was also mad because I called her out on cuddling with B when she's told me more than once that she likes D. It turned into a huge fight, mostly because she was drunk out of her mind at that point and got really defensive. We got back to her house and she was just sobbing in the driveway, it was probably the worst I've seen her since last summer...it was actually really scary. Eventually I got out of the car and just went over to the passenger side and held her as hard as I could. She finally calmed down and we both went inside, I told her I'd keep her company as long as she needed me too...one thing lead to another.

We were talking after and throughout the night she had been getting texts from D. I called her on that too and she finally admitted that they were dating "on a trial run." She told him she was still so in love with TB, and she never wanted to hurt me. That made me more angry than anything, I think, that she would put off a good thing with D...for what, exactly? So she could keep not dating me? I don't even think I'd want to date her anymore, so it would be better if she was dating someone else anyways.

She kept saying that she would lose me, that she doesn't want to hurt me, and that she wishes more than anything that we were dating. She was sobbing again by this point, and I don't even know why. It doesn't really make sense, it's nice to know that she cares but if the right girl comes along for me I'm not going to blow her off so I can keep waiting for AS...

I swear, God is probably the only one in the whole flippin' universe who knows how this will end.

In Rainbows

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 04:23:00 +0000

I cannot wait until the new Radiohead album hits tomorrow. It's bands like that are going to save modern music. For those of you who haven't heard about it, the new album is called "In Rainbows" and is being released online as a digital download as well as a box set. The catch is that you can pay as much/little as you want for it. It's going to be interesting to see how this pays off for them, but I think it will work because anyone who will bother going through the site is a Radiohead fan anyways, so they're willing to pay at least some money for it.

The box set is for the true fans. It costs 40 GBP, or about 80 USD, and contains the album on vinyl, as well as an artbook and the album on CD. Pretty cool stuff, I hope this pays off for them because they're already one of the most creative and talented bands around. If anyone deserves to have a risk work out for them, it's Radiohead.

Fell In Love Without You

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 14:32:00 +0000

Nothing much to report in the past few days, I still am just taking it as it comes with AS. She seems to be getting closer to D, but it doesn't bother me. He's already been through this with other girls, multiple times, and I warned him about her, so I don't know what he's doing but he will get sick of her.

In the past ten days or so she's made multiple references to us dating, in a 'what if?' sort of way. I've shot her down every time, as nice as I could, but I just don't want to give her the impression that whenever she's done with her other boy toys that I will still be conveniently waiting for her.

Because I won't be.

P.S. Relient K in 12 days!

Brand New Start

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 16:23:00 +0000

I hooked up with another girl. M brought me to a party at one of his friend's houses, the place was amazingly huge and she even had a bar which was awesome. We mixed a few drinks, turned up the music, one thing led to another and before I knew it we were in bed making out. I don't know whether I do it because I enjoy it or because I want to make AS jealous. I think I've fallen back in love with her again, but I can't even tell if that's because I am scared she'll find someone else or because I really, truly want to be with her and take care of her.

She asked me if she should start dating this guy she's been hanging out with, and it really hit home. I mean, I totally thought it was a given that eventually she would fall in love with me and be mine...but I am less and less certain of that all the time, and part of it is definitely my fault. I have been such a prick to her, for no good reason, and I wish I could take it back. She said that before she left for LA the last time that she was so close to being my girlfriend...but then I changed and said some really terrible things to her when she got back. I'm trying to be nicer, I am, I just hope that it's not too late...she's different from the scared, lonely girl I met a year ago. She's grown up in many ways, I have so much respect for her because of that...last weekend she was on national TV, modeling makeup. That has been her dream, forever, to be a model, and she actually went out and did it. It's absolutely unreal. I'm trying hard to find a point where I can be her friend, and let her trust me and be a part of my life, but it is so incredibly hard to do that without falling for her again. I can't be so intimate with someone who is offering no commitment in return...if it doesn't work out it will just hurt too much.

I've been drinking again...I haven't actually been drunk but I've had alcohol in me since last time I wrote about it. I know I made a promise...does this make me an alcoholic or something? I feel so torn between my faith; a commitment that I've made to Jesus to do my best and live up to his expectations, and my life. For the past 5 years I've been living one way, and now I'm trying to turn that almost completely around, which I suppose is what being a Christian is all about, but it is hard to do. I fail almost constantly. It's getting to the point where it's almost discouraging...I try not to swear as much, I try to avoid drinking or being petty or gossiping or all of those other things that I think aren't the best decisions even for non-Christians to make, but I still seem to slip up all the time.

The only thing to remember is that I am forgiven. I really need to figure out my tattoo idea, I want something permanently on my body to remind me that I am in this world but not of it...and I need to show that.

You Fight Me

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 16:13:00 +0000

Fighting with her gets so old sometimes. The past week or so has been fine, last night we watched The Office (absolutely hilarious by the way, I am so glad it's back on) and the night got off to a great start because I had told my sister that AS was going to be on TV, and she didn't want anybody to know. Well pardon me, but every time you come over you spend half an hour talking to my sister, so I was under the impression that you were friends with her. AS was also upset because I asked my sister to not talk about it in front of her friends.

She has this problem with letting people know she's accomplished something, which is a fairly rare occurrence for her so you'd think she would want to show it off a little. She's so concerned with her reputation, she actually complained when TB let it slip to his friends who she cheated with, because she was worried about her reputation...not because she cheated on him and they broke up, or anything, but because she was worried about what people thought about her.

It's the same reason I'm not allowed to tell anyone that we hook up all the time or what we're doing, it would damage her reputation if people knew that we were more than just friends because I'm not good enough for her or something...

She thinks I read too far into everything, I think I have her all figured out and she just won't admit how much she needs me.

Meanwhile, D is certainly making his presence known. Last night, he got off at nine and he knew that AS and I were hanging out, so he called *her* to hang out, not me. I told him good luck, because he's already dealing with another very similar girl and I cannot see why in the world he would want to get involved with another one.

Come Back To Bed

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 23:34:00 +0000

D's parents got remarried this weekend and they were out of town, so a couple friends and I went over to enjoy his mostly empty house. With a case of Grain Belt to enjoy, a guitar, and a nice bonfire going, the night seemed to be going pretty well.

Before we had to start cockblocking, that is.

Last time D got drunk, I was his designated driver so I was sober all night. We get to my friend L's house, and he just cannot keep his hands off another girl who was there. She's clearly uncomfortable, and he just won't let it go. She'll get up to go to the bathroom, he stands up until she gets back. At the time I chalked it up to his being drunk and let it go.

Fast forward to last night.

D is alllll over AS all night. There's only about six people there, so it's very obvious that she's uncomfortable but sort of unsure what to do about it. So my friends and I start playing cockblock, and I'll tell you I've never worked harder in my life. He just would not get off her, he would literally force his way into a seat next to her, he tried to kiss her in full view of everyone there, he kept trying to get her away from everyone else. I mean I really like this guy, but he is just another person entirely when he starts drinking.

Finally the night starts winding down, I thought that the girls should take the basement, I'd stay upstairs, and D would take his own room. But of course, I get them settled and he somehow manages to pull AS up to his room. I wait five minutes, grab my other friend and we go up and cockblock for (thankfully) the last time. AS heads downstairs and I'm just drifting off to sleep when I hear the basement door open.

I finally got her off.

About time.

Let It Die

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 06:57:00 +0000

AS and I have barely spoken for 10 days and she finally caved tonight and asked if I wanted to go to Perkins with her. I said yes because I missed her so much this past week and I have only been waiting for her to call or write or text or email, or anything, just to know that she still wants to be around me.

So we fought on and off all night and I remembered why I stopped speaking to her in the first place.

It reminded of a scene from The Office where Jim is speaking to the camera after transferring. "When I saw Dwight I started to feel bad about all those pranks I played on him. And then Dwight spoke."

It's the same way with AS. I check my phone all the time, or my Facebook, hoping to see something from her. But when we hang out...she's so demanding, annoying, she doesn't know anything about the real world and she STILL doesn't treat me like just a friend but she won't commit to dating because I'm not good looking enough I guess.

I've been spending some time with BH, the girl who let it spill to her boyfriend that AS and I slept together. Long story short, it got out to the rest of the world and AS watched what was left of her reputation crumble. That was months ago, and the world has moved on. AS didn't lose any friends she hadn't already lost after cheating on TB anyways, but she apparently holds her reputation above all other things. So AS is mad because I hung out with BH, and I didn't call to check up on her when she was sick, and blah blah blah I don't act like I want to be her friend.

If being a friend to you entails acting like your boyfriend, then no, I don't want to be your friend.

Can't Finished What I Started

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 07:14:00 +0000

I decided to try a little experiment this past week. I hung out with AS on Friday, she texted me that night and I didn't text back. I spent the night at L's new apartment, which was pretty fun...the next day was not so fun, I had a caffeine IV going all day consisting of Red Bull and coffee. Sunday, nothing. Monday, I went online to see if she would talk to me first and finally after an hour she did. She asked if I was just going to ignore her and I acted perfectly normal. I asked how her weekend went and she said well I was sick, but you wouldn't know, would you? I guess I wouldn't, but since when was it my job to check up on her? Maybe if we were dating. MAYBE, I would've called her.

So I tried to strike up conversation with her Tuesday and she blew me off. Yesterday I invited her to a movie, and around 2 am she finally got back to me. After I told her who was going she made some excuse about having plans...even though I know she doesn't have other friends to make plans with. Tonight she texted saying she was free, and we talked briefly online...it ended with her saying "I don't know if I want to see you tomorrow Will."

We'll see how this ends.

Fatboy

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 03:44:00 +0000

I finally got the chance to hang out with L again, and check out her new apartment. On Friday night, a friend and I trekked down town. We all headed off to a free school sponsored concert. We only caught the last band, a group by the name of Espionage, they actually were really good, sort of reminded me of MCS. Fast poppy rock with tons of cool synth stuff thrown in for good measure. All in all it was a pretty random nights, I went with my friend to drop off someone's sweatshirt and wound up watching Survivor Man and drinking Grain Belt for an hour, then ate a bunch of McDonalds and fell asleep watching The Office.

I was planning to ask L out, or at least tell her how I felt. I talked to a few friends and asked for advice, and the general consensus is that I need to tell her how I feel, and ask her to choose whether she wants to start dating me, or just stay friends.

Total amount of fast food consumed:
1 Big Mac
23 chicken McNuggets
1/2 Chicken Sandwich from BK

Hence the title of this post.

EDIT: Ooooo 50 posts!

Education

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 05:37:00 +0000

School started this week and I'm already thoroughly sick of it. That's nothing new I guess, but still...I was hoping this year might be different. My classes aren't too bad, Logic might be the lone toughie. I am so ready to get out here and get to UMD already. Living at home wasn't so bad for a semester, but it's really starting to grate on me. I just feel so left out from the whole college experience, which is really just a lot of huge keggers, so maybe staying home is a good thing. I don't have to deal with that temptation while I'm here.

Gah...what to do about L...a week ago I was party hopping with a friend, I was DD. So we get to the first house, and he gets pretty trashed. As we are walking to my car, two cops pull in, one with lights blazing. Possibly the best timing ever on my part. We head over to L's neighbor's house, and we hang out there for awhile watching The Office (which I miss terribly), and my buddy is all over L's friend. Eventually we turn out the lights and L and I wind up spooning on the ground. We start to hear sex noises and eventually L gets up because she feels sick.

While she was outside she told her friend that "I should just start dating Will, I really should"

It's getting old, this happened a month ago at a different party too...I mean is she just drunk or what?

I hate girls.

Letters to the President

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 21:31:00 +0000

Rick Sanchez and Kiran Chetry appear not to expect the answer they got from a Republican college student on a special "College Week" edition of CNN's American Morning. On being asked who she thinks the GOP candidate will be for the 2008 Presidential election, Laura Elizabeth Morales puts her support behind Ron Paul.

read more | digg story

Burn This City

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 06:37:00 +0000

Go see The Bourne Ultimatum.

Also, check this out. It's a pretty amazing in depth analysis of why the Bourne trilogy is the best American film trilogy ever made.

Why the Bourne Trilogy is the Best American Film Trilogy Ever.

Declarations of Faith

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 08:42:00 +0000

I've been feeling God leading me to speak at my church for a long time now, and I think I've been putting off starting work on it for too long now.

I would normally say that it was my idea, something that would be cool to say I've done ("Oh yeah, I preached a sermon at church.") but the idea comes and goes as it will...and it's always strong and completely out of the blue when it hits.

So I thought I might start throwing around ideas online...starting with my testimony.

I was raised in a Christian home. I attended private school starting in first grade. I became a Christian when I was four...I don't think I really knew what it meant at the time, but I knew my parents believed it and that was enough for me, I guess. Bible class and chapel, along with verse memorization and Bible camps in the summer. So it's safe to say I knew the Bible, as well as the basic tenets of the Christian faith, fairly well. When I met my best friend RL in the 3rd grade, it came as somewhat of a shock that he was not a Christian. I don't think the idea of having a belief system other than mine had occurred to me until that moment.

That was probably the start of my initial loss of faith.

I started listening to secular music, and most of what he listened to was not the tamer, more uplifting stuff like The Fray or Anberlin. I didn't too heavily into the hard rock scene, but I did listen to a lot of Limp Bizkit (famous for dropping 142 f-bombs in one song) and Linkin Park, as well as Blink182, who had some of the dirtiest minds in music as revealed on their live album. At the time I didn't even notice my downward spiral because I don't think I had ever had a real connection with God. Sure, I'd come back from camp spiritually energized and ready to take on the world...but once I was actually in the world, even at a sheltered private school, things just got that much harder.

So I went on with my life, and I started to hate going to church, and eventually I started to hate God. I mean, he didn't want me having any fun anyways, right? I was growing up and I wanted to experience life, my own way, and no one was going to tell me otherwise. My parents tried to keep me active at church and youth group, but eventually I think they gave up trying (they never did stop praying for me though) and just let me do my own thing in hopes that God would get through to me.

I was never a really bad kid. I liked to stay out late, I drank occasionally in the later years of high school, and I did some other things I'm not proud of because I was angry that my life wasn't going the way I wanted it to. I never had the best grades, the most friends, much money, or anything like that. I was always just sort of average in every respect. I never skipped school though, and I never stole or got sent to juvy or anything like that but I still wasn't living the way God would want me to.

The summer after I graduated was when things really came to a head. I was going off to college. I had been thinking more about Christianity that summer, and my boss had given me a book called Velvet Elvis: Repainting the Christian Faith, an excellent book by Rob Bell that I highly recommend. It put a new spin on Christianity, as a faith that isn't just a bunch of rules set down by some old dead guys, it is a way of life, the best way of life, and something that can literally change the world when enough people band together in His name. That was something I felt like I wanted to be a part of, but I wasn't ready yet.

College did not go as planned. I devoted 99% of my time to AS after her breakup, and I ended up failing all my classes first semester. But one important thing did happen: I redevoted my life to following Jesus Christ. She was instrumental in that, more than she knows I think. I had never met someone who was so calmly sure about their faith, while also being entirely rational and open to discussion and criticism about it. Whatever else I think about her, I have the highest regard for her in that aspect. We had talked about it a few times over the summer, and it would come up every few weeks in our phone conversations. She never pushed me, only asked where I stood. I think she understood the idea of faith being a beginning, not an end, better than almost anyone I knew.

Christianity isn't something that happens and then is over and done with, a way to get into Heaven and nothing more. It's a living breathing organism. The Church isn't a building, it's people. We are constantly showing people who Jesus is. That is my goal as a Christian, not to convert tons of people, give 10% to the church, or give all my time and energy to mission work.

My goal as a Christian is to be Jesus, to as many people and as often as I can. Whether that's listening to someone discuss their problems on the phone, or covering a shift at work without complaint, or watching a neighbor's kids for free, or tutoring someone at school, it doesn't really matter what it is, as long as you do it like Jesus would do it.

And that's where I stand now. I'm not an expert by any means, but I'm ready and willing to learn and I'm excited for the journey I'm just beginning.

Sitting, Wishing. Waiting

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 22:37:00 +0000

Reasons for abstinence.

Good for them!

Feeling Good

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Sat, 18 Aug 2007 02:33:00 +0000

I'm working on writing up my testimony, it's going to be a small part of something bigger that I have planned. We'll see how it all turns out.

So I went to this birthday party for an old friend of mine this past Saturday. I'm trying to quit drinking but as soon as it was offered I just couldn't say no. How often do you get trashed for free, right? So my new goal now is one year sober. I'll be in 21 in about a year and a half, but I think if I can make one year then I deserve a drink or two, right?

Right?

Wrong, I suppose. The Bible clearly states that one must obey those in authority over you (i.e. the government) so it's 21 or bust!

Underclass Hero

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 04:04:00 +0000

AS is gone again in CA, for another three weeks. By the time she gets back I'll have started school, and the world will have moved on. I've been thinking a lot about her and I already miss her. We fooled around a few times this past week, and for once I think we both enjoyed it without any regrets. We had a couple really fun nights hanging out and watching movies, as well as climbing the local middle school with some friends. I still hate being treated like a boyfriend when I'm not, I tend to get defensive when she acts too girlfriend-ish. Example: on Thursday night, I made plans to hang out with LW and AS flipped out and went into her whole "you don't wanna hang out with me, wah wah wah" speech. It's just annoying because we didn't even have plans.

I was talking to a friend of mine and he said that he is his gf's only friend right now.

That's how I feel.

I failed miserably on my promise to quit drinking, but I'm trying hard not to do it as much as last summer and in that I think I succeeded at least. Deleted all my porn today too...it's really a lot harder than I thought it would be. I've been looking at that stuff since...6th grade? Now to just get rid of it seems weird. It's hard to change who you are, even if you really believe in what you're doing.

Hey, Don't Stop

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 02:26:00 +0000

ER had her Hawaiian party last week, the day after I got back from Boston. The night I got back I spent some time with AS, and found myself more frustrated than ever by her childishness (is that a word? See the previous post for more on that night) So ER has her party, AS shows up and I'm already totally trashed. I had talked to her and said that I was going to try and stop drinking after Boston, but things changed when we got in a huge fight after we saw each other. Obviously we hooked up that night, and we were talking about why I was so angry with her. She dropped a huge bomb when she said that she got a job this fall. It's not much, but it is something. That was one of my hugest problems with her, and now that it's solved I don't really know what to do anymore...I mean there's not much holding me back from wanting her anymore.

Oh and she finally gave me head. Man that was awesome, and about flippin time too.

Last Chance to Lose Your Keys

noreply@blogger.com (Will) — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 08:00:00 +0000

I am so sick and tired of women. Why do they all have to be such stupid whores? I went to one of AS's friend's tonight, and basically listened to three girls talk about men for 2 hours. AS must've hooked up with some guy in CA, because her friend made some awkward comment about it. I guess I was hoping for better, but oh well, I'll need to lower my expectations even more than I already have. She's still exactly the sme as she was when I left her. Boston was amazing for getting over her, but I honestly didn't realize how over her I was until tonight.

Meanwhile, her friend couldn't stop talking about how many guys she's slept with. Just name dropping all night long. The most ridiculous comment she made was when she claimed she'd been with two brothers who both broke Magnum condoms. Biggest load of crap I'd ever heard. I don't think I've ever heard a girl brag about not being a virgin before...

It's girls like you that make me think I'm better off home on a Saturday night.