Like I do every few years, I recently rewatched the original Star Wars trilogy I watched as a kid. While I still own the original versions of Episodes IV-VI on VHS, I don’t have a VHS player. I wind up defaulting to the 2004 DVDs that intersperse newer CGI footage alongside the original cut.

While the addition of then-new CG battle scenes or backgrounds feels especially janky by today’s standards, there’s one digitally-altered scene that’s never sat well with me. In the final moments of Return of the Jedi (ROTJ), actor Sebastian Shaw (who portrayed an older Anakin Skywalker) was replaced with an image of actor Hayden Christensen, who played the younger Anakin before his turn to the dark side of the Force.

In an age where bean-counting studio overlords are hell-bent on replacing human creativity with AI, this scene deserves to be revisited as an argument for preserving the performances and art of a specific time. It’s evidence that even the smallest tweak can change the entire meaning of a scene or overarching narrative.

Setting the Scene: The Context of Luke Skywalker Visited by a Trio of Force Ghosts

Before we get into the ethical and philosophical dissection of what an actor swap means for a work of film, let’s set the table with the scene itself at the end of Return of the Jedi. (If you’re a fellow Star Wars nerd who knows the lore, you can skip this part and jump to the next section. But for those unfamiliar and want to understand what the hell I’m ranting about, this Bud’s for you!)

After a years-long battle with the evil Empire, the galactic Rebel Alliance finally defeated Emperor Palpatine and his imperial Stormtroopers with a big helping hand from Luke Skywalker, the last of the Jedi knights. To do so, Luke had to square off with Darth Vader, the Emperor’s right hand and whose all-black armor hid layers of secrets and pain. The biggest of these secrets was revealed in Empire Strikes Back: Darth Vader was Luke’s father.

Before becoming Vader, he was once Anakin Skywalker, a young Jedi who was manipulated into turning to the Dark Side by the Emperor. In the process, Anakin was hideously burned and mutilated  —  becoming “more machine than man,” as noted by his former mentor, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Yet, Luke believed there was still good in Vader and was determined to redeem him. In the climactic moments of ROTJ, he’s put to the test as he clashes lightsabers with Vader. When the Emperor steps in to kill Luke by zapping the hell out of him with Force lightning, Vader decides he’s had enough of Palpatine’s shit and hurls him to his death down a shaft.

Vader saving Luke validates his belief that his father was not beyond redemption. But it came at a cost. The mechanics powering Vader’s suit (which was basically a walking iron lung) were cooked by Palpatine’s Force lightning. Before dying, Darth Vader asks Luke to remove his mask so that he can look on him “with my own eyes.” Beneath the mask is the scarred face of Anakin Skywalker, portrayed by veteran British stage actor Sebastian Shaw. Luke sees his father for the first time, with the galactic menace that was Darth Vader now falling away to reveal the broken-but-redeemed older Anakin Skywalker.

The final scenes of ROTJ show the Rebel Alliance celebrating the fall of the Empire on the forest moon of Endor with peace restored to the galaxy. While nearly everyone else is partying, Luke is shown cremating Vader’s armor on a funeral pyre. As he watches it burn, a trio of Force ghosts appear. He sees his former mentors, the diminutive green Jedi Master Yoda and Obi-Wan “Ben” Kenobi. Alongside them appears the ghost of his father, Anakin Skywalker.

In the 1983 original cut, Force Ghost Anakin is played by Sebastian Shaw — the same actor beneath Vader’s mask when it was removed. As a Force Ghost, he’s dressed in Jedi robes and his scars are gone. He looks as he would have if he were allowed to age naturally, without having been seduced to the Dark Side and roasted like a hot dog on the volcano planet of Mustafar decades earlier. It’s a poignant moment seeing Anakin returned to the light with Obi-Wan and Yoda, showing the power of forgiveness, redemption, and hope.

In the 2004 DVD cut of the scene, Sebastian Shaw’s Anakin is removed in favor of actor Hayden Christensen, who took on the role in the prequels. Anakin is shown as a much younger man than he was at the time of his death, with his limbs restored and no signs of being a Sith fritter.

And here’s where we get into the debate.

The Ethics of Actor Swapping

From an ethical standpoint, replacing one actor with another decades later in a film feels wrong. You’re erasing a performance and inaccurately revising history.

The Force Ghosts do not speak, so none of Sebastian Shaw’s lines were cut from the 2004 version. Yet, replacing his image with a younger actor still strips out some of his performance. “Acting” is more than just speaking lines. It’s emoting with your eyes and face.

The sadness in Shaw-Anakin’s eyes when Vader’s mask is removed is a highly emotional moment. Contrast that with how happy he looks as a Force Ghost. It drives home the mixed feelings Luke likely has: grief that the father he never knew is now gone, but bittersweet joy that he’s happy and whole in The Force. (I’m a complete dork who will admit that this scene made me tear up as a 4-year-old when I first saw it in 1983 and still makes me tear up every damn time afterwards)

Replacing Old Anakin with Young Anakin in that scene feels jarring. For the record, I thought Hayden Christensen did a solid job as Anakin in the Star Wars prequels and it’s been good to see him back in newer Star Wars media. I’ve always enjoyed his emotional, conflicted portrait of Anakin. However, Hayden Christensen was born in 1981, making him only two years old at the time of Return of the Jedi‘s original theatrical release. It feels wrong to shoehorn an image of an actor as an adult into a key scene in a movie he had zero hand in making — and probably zero awareness of at the time.

Doing so rewrites history in highly inaccurate ways. In an era where Hollywood is obsessed with “reimagining” classic films or entire franchises in anachronistic ways to suit current cultural narratives, you risk obliterating a shared history and glimpse at how things were in a given time. It cheats us out of understanding the repeating patterns of history and how we arrived at a certain point. It can also flip the original intent of a work.

Coupled with the growing fascination with shoveling AI into everything, it becomes even more of a slippery slope. For instance, James Earl Jones — the definitive voice of Darth Vader — granted permission for his voice to be duplicated by AI in perpetuity so that it could live on in future Star Wars projects where Vader appears. While it’s comforting to know that a great actor’s distinctive voice will remain a part of future stories for decades to come and may attract others to explore the work he did when he was alive, the question remains of just how much emotion will be captured in the AI-cloned voice of James Earl Jones. And who’s to say Disney won’t use it to replace the voice of Sebastian Shaw in ROTJ or even Hayden Christensen in future re-releases of their respective Star Wars film appearances? Sure, that’s a long-shot, but there is no telling just what “novel spin” Hollywood honchos may try to put on original films just to make a buck. The corporate sector cannot be trusted to use AI ethically.

The writer and preservationist in me believes art is a time capsule that reflects the talent and techniques of the time. People can look at it and marvel at how far things have come or what was cutting edge at the time. They can even say, “Wasn’t it cool they could do THAT even back then?” These films, as they were, serve as a testament to creative people across multiple disciplines coming together to contribute their talents to build something enduring.

Star Wars created a modern mythology that put hope at its core. It also prompted future generations to imagine and create new things. And while people worked alongside droids in the Star Wars universe, it was fully understood that sentient droids were there to be part of what humans (and alien life forms in the galaxy) were driving — not the whole enchilada. I see this get perverted on a daily basis with number-crunchers marveling at the slop AI churns out regularly, setting a high bar for mediocrity and feeling vindicated that they can finally cut those pesky artistic rebels out of the creative equation so they can increase profit margins.

How Even a Small Pivot Changes the Bigger Narrative

Swapping Christensen for Shaw also has downstream effects that shift the emotional resonance of both a single scene and even the overarching lore of Star Wars.

Luke cremating Vader’s armor and physical remains — all while his friends and allies celebrate freedom — has roots in the philosophical influences behind Star Wars. In a 1916 translation of the ancient Tao Te Ching, Isabella Mears interpreted Lao Tzu’s original Chinese text as:

If he conquers, he does not rejoice…

He who has conquered in battle should stand in the place of mourning.

Those ancient words apply to the Star Wars story in the closing moments of Return of the Jedi when the Force Ghosts appear to Luke. Amidst the festivities, Luke is taking a moment to acknowledge widespread loss and the gravity of war, as well as the death of his father.

Theoretically, Luke would easily recognize Alec Guinness’s Obi-Wan and Yoda because they appeared to him the way he saw them in life. I’d imagine that, if spirits are going to appear to someone, it makes the most sense to take the form of how that person would have seen you in life. And while we’d all want our ghost-selves to look how we did in our prime, that might just be a human vanity thing. Because, as Yoda once observed: “Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter.”

Luke would have probably recognized the older, unscarred version of Sebastian Shaw’s Anakin. If anything, seeing how his father looked had he lived a natural life without having succumbed to the Dark Side makes it even more moving. Luke would see not just the physical transformation of Anakin’s scars having been healed, but the once-sad man is now (literally) glowing and standing alongside loved ones who have have forgiven him for his transgressions. And this was made possible to his son’s unyielding belief that there was still good in him.

In the original cut, Luke sees the redeemed man his father became at the end of life. But that narrative and the symbolism behind it changes when you exchange Old Anakin for in Hayden Christensen’s Anakin as a Force ghost.

Would Luke have even recognized this guy?  Like, did Obi-Wan just pop open a Family Holocron Album and say, “Hey, Luke! Here’s your Pops! Oh, and there’s me holding a red (Han) Solo party cup at the annual Jedi temple rager… And there’s Yoda with a lampshade on his head!”

Hayden-Anakin bears a passing resemblance to Mark Hamill’s Luke, so you could definitely see them as father and son. But the Hayden version shifts the symbolism to Anakin being restored to his spiritual prime — not his final moments of redemption.

This can also shift how Luke feels in the moment or even the unspoken message that may shift, depending on the version of his father that he sees. With Sebastian-Anakin, the message may be: “I’m okay now. And although you, your sister, and your friends have an entire galaxy to rebuild now that the war is over, your abilities to see the best in others can turn the tide even when it appears all hope is lost. Change is possible, even under the most dire circumstances, so long as you believe.”

On the flipside, Hayden-Anakin appears as roughly the same age that Luke is in that moment. This can be viewed as Anakin showing Luke how much alike they were once. Seeing Anakin as a young, vibrant man with a full life ahead of him can send a message of their shared family bonds. The message being: “This is the man I was before I let fear and anger consume me. Remember me and don’t screw up like I did, kid.” It can also signify Anakin’s proud acknowledgement of Luke that, “You’ve surpassed me already.”

A ScreenRant article gave some insights into why George Lucas, the creative “Force” behind Star Wars, made the swap:

When Anakin was redeemed upon saving Luke in Return of the Jedi, his “…inner person would go back to where we left it off.” Additionally, Lucas thought replacing the original Anakin Force Ghost with Christensen would help connect the prequels and originals, bringing it full circle.

Lucas’s rationale straddles the line between “death of self” and “redemption.” But it also hints that he wanted to add more connective tissue between the prequels and the original trilogy that was a standalone series until 1999.

Regardless, it goes to show how changing even a relatively small detail can shift the meaning of an entire scene or character arc.

“Many of the Truths That We Cling to Depend on Point of View.”

Obi-Wan said it best: “Many of the truths that we cling to depend on point of view.” The version of truth within the Star Wars universe that you cling to may depend on when you were first introduced to the series. If you grew up on the original trilogy like I did, you might be more emotionally attached to Sebastian Shaw’s version of Old Anakin. But if you came to Star Wars during the late ’90s, seeing Hayden Christensen as a Force Ghost may resonate more strongly with you and bring his story full circle.

So, where do you stand? Is there a particular Force Ghost Anakin you prefer? How does that frame the story for you? There’s no right or wrong answer, but rather your preference. However, it’s also important to “search your feelings” around altering films from their original state and making changes decades later. While it’s a creator’s prerogative to make those changes himself (which was the case with George Lucas), what happens when a creator sells the rights to a film? Who makes those calls and can that distort the original message of a work, downgrading the contributions of those who had a hand in its creation? In the words of Yoda: “Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future.”

Photo credits:

• Header image of collectible Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker doll (Sebastian Shaw version): Author’s own. (Because she’s a dork.)
• Photo of late ’90s Darth Vader collectable book and doll set: Author’s own prized possession and glaring red flag of dorkdom.

“Every Rose Has Its Thorn” – Bret Michaels’ heavy sigh

“Every bad boy has a soft side” and Poison’s “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” ranks up there as one of the most recognizable power ballads of all time. If you’ve ever poured your ass into a pair of ripped acid-washed jeans after 1988, there’s a good chance you’ve raised a lighter or cellphone to this song while swaying back and forth.

If you listen closely in the very beginning, right before the opening acoustic chords hit, lead singer Bret Michaels (Bert Miracles, if you’re nasty) heaves a ragged, exasperated sigh. For the uninitiated, this clues you in immediately that it’s taking every ounce of Mr. Miracles’ being to push past his heartbreak and sing you a song of lost love. It’s hard… But dag gummit, he’s gonna try. He might take a minute to weep into his bandana during C.C. DeVille’s guitar solo, but he’ll compose himself before the final verse and belt it out one more time on the chorus. Just for you.

The story behind the song is that Bret wrote it after phoning his then-girlfriend on a long, lonely night on the road — only to hear a man’s voice in her boudoir at 3am. The devastated frontman grabbed his guitar and headed to the motel’s laundry room to wash his spandex and compose a song that immortalized the feeling of having your heart put through the spin cycle of love by an unfaithful stripper.

You can listen to Bret sigh for yourself on the album version of the song. You can also see him do his best Scarlett-O’Hara-on-a-fainting-couch impersonation while exhaling in the video (that I’d skewered previously in another post) for “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.”

“Nutz On Ya Chin” – Eazy E tears a magazine

At 23 seconds into the classic diss track, “Nutz On Ya Chin,” Eazy E addresses his foes while tearing a page out of a magazine. He then explains  his thought process and what he routinely does with said image:

Rappers want to diss
I’m glad to see ’em
‘Cause I rip your fuckin’ face outta a magazine
O.G gangsta lean
Now after I shit,
Your face wipes that ass clean

Hey, I’m not gonna judge. I, too, favor having a stack of quality reading material in the crapper. Although this song predates cellphones, I still share the former NWA rapper’s belief that nothing beats thumbing through a magazine while pinching a loaf. Granted, I’ve never had the displeasure of seeing someone I had a personal vendetta against cheesing at me from the pages of a magazine while unloading the goods. That said, I’d probably have a similar reaction and find myself struck with the urge to use their smug mug to wipe my keister in lieu of a fistful of Charmin.

Considering that Eazy E favored odd spellings — often swapping a “z” for an “s,” in such words as “nutz” and “eazy” —  it’s no surprise he spent more time tearing up (and wiping with) magazines than reading them. This was most evident on his second and final solo album, Str8 off tha Streetz of Muthaphukkin Compton, released in 1995. The title alone lets you know that this album is going to piss off everyone who ever talked shit about Eazy and that every trick bitch who sat like a chump for the Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee can eat a hot one, too.

But maybe we’re being too quick to dismiss the late Eric Wright. Perhaps, Eazy E looked at the works of poet e.e. cummings (heh… “cummings”) with its lack of capitalization and unconventional line structure. Maybe E figured, “Hey, I gotta have a hook! This guy hates capital letters. So, I’m gonna own shoehorning ‘Z’s instead of ‘S’s into words.” I think we can all respect that. There’s a reason this guy was The Godfather of Gansta Rap.

“Who Will Save the Sane” – Type O Negative’s tribute to The Producers

On an album packed with songs that the band themselves deemed too depressing to play live, Type O Negative managed to squeak in a nod to comedy god Mel Brooks in the intro to “Who Will Save the Sane.” Nothing could be more on-brand for The Drab Four to squeeze some humor into a song about losing your grip on reality and the ensuing out pour of faux empathy by self-congratulatory bystanders.

If you listen closely, you can hear a man (possibly lead guitarist Kenny Hickey) yelling: “Two, three, kick, turn! Two, three, turn, kick!” This is a bastardization of a line from The Producers. In the original 1967 film, the line is spoken by actor Christopher Hewett (best known as TV’s Mr. Belvedere) in the role of flamboyantly egotistical choreographer Roger DeBris. Caught in a moment, DeBris envisions a troupe of showgirls dressed like saucy Fosse Nazi stormtroopers  goose-stepping across the stage — all while marking the steps with “Two, three, kick, turn! Turn, turn, kick, turn!” (If you haven’t seen it, stop clutching your pearls and watch the movie. You’ll laugh.)

In “Who Will Save the Sane,” the line is tucked into the background over a keyboard riff that gives way to Peter Steele’s velvety basso profundo vocals. Steele, who struggled with his mental health for much of his life, rattles off clever lyrical wordplay that straddles the line between genius and insanity, lamenting the hypocrisy of those who pretend to care when they encounter someone who’s just a little “off” before casually flitting about their business. It’s one of the more maudlin, thought-provoking entries in this list, but worth a listen for the sharp lyrics and wry humor that buffers heavy subject matter.

“Super Freak” – Rick James slurps it up

Long before M.C. Hammer ripped off sampled its iconic riff, Rick James’ 1981 mega hit “Super Freak” told legions of groupies that you can touch this. And that. Oh, yeah. Especially that. 

At approximately 2 minutes and 5 seconds into his tribute to a groupie so damn good that she makes Pamela Des Barres, Sweet Connie, and Cynthia Plastercaster look like rank amateurs, Rick James proclaims, “I’d really like to taste her” before making an exaggerated slurping noise like he’s diving face-first into a bowl of ramen. It’s a subtly risque moment in a song that was considered too suggestive for MTV back in the day. (In 2020, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s “WAP” said “Hold my edible underwear-flavored beer.”)

There’s a whole lot of legendary crammed into “Super Freak.” From Rick James getting The Temptations to sing backup to an appearance by Soul Train dancer Cheryl Song (and her fabulous knee-length hair) in the video, “Super Freak” holds a special place in my heart and record collection as the first 45 my parents bought me when I was two years old. Most parents probably don’t want their toddlers running around the living room singing “She’s a very kinky girl” at top volume, but I also think most parents would prefer listening to a glittery, booger sugar-tooting Rick James at the height of his powers than being forced to endure episodes of that shrieking turd Caillou. The ’80s truly were a great time to be alive.

Besides, the song has one helluva bass groove.

“Got Your Money” – Ol’ Dirty Bastard expresses unconventional admiration for the female posterior

Speaking of songs with a great bass groove… Some men charm a woman by telling her she has beautiful eyes, luscious hair, or sensuous lips. But not Ol’ Dirty Bastard. No, sir! Dirty won’t be having that in this house.

In the first few seconds of “Got Your Money,” if you listen closely, you can hear the inimitable ODB murmuring: “Ohhhh, baby. Mmmh! I’d eat the shit from right out of ya ass.”

It’s a bold pickup line. On one hand, it could get you slapped. On the other, it could get your face slapped between two thick, juicy buns.

What makes this line even bolder was that “Got Yo’ Money” (featuring Kelis, whose “Milkshake” brings all the boys to the yard) was originally released in 1999, long before the sexual phenomenon of eating ass became relatively mainstream. (Or at least as socially acceptable as it can be to admit that you like digging out someone’s backdoor with your tongue.)

Right before the dawn of the millennium, no one was admitting to eating ass, let alone proclaiming that even a few stray poo peanuts wouldn’t be a deterrent against butt bronski-ing a prime piece of fudge tunnel. Yet, there was Ol’ Dirty Bastard — right on the front lines, proudly declaring that he was down to brown in 1999. You gotta admire that level of commitment. He was truly a man ahead of his time.

Ol’ Dirty also follows up the line by dedicating this song to “All the pretty girls of the world. And the ugly girls, too. ‘Cause to me you’re pretty anyway, baby.” That Dirty was a real one.

While you have to listen hard to hear ODB’s proclamation to a prospect’s posterior in the intro, “Got Your Money” is packed with quotable lines throughout that are clearly audible. He raps like a man possessed by the spirit of Fly Guy from I’m Gonna Git You Sucka, dropping choice lyrical bon mots  — including more dumper-related lines like, “put your ass out and let me hold it tight.”

It’s impossible to not want to get up and shake your ass to this song. Even if you don’t want it to get eaten.

Image credits:

• Header image by SAIYED IRFAN A from Pixabay
• Photo of “Mothman Ate My Entire Ass at a Denny’s” makeup bag: Author’s own.

Oddly enough, I was actually planning on writing this article before Gosling proclaimed his love for daytime dramas and accepted an invitation to the set of his favorite soap as a result of his podcast proclamation. I was actually in the middle of penning a post on how soap-dom’s greatest “villain” Stefano DiMera (also of Days of Our Lives fame) and Sesame Street’s Slimey the Worm instilled a profound sense of empathy in me at a young age. (Stay tuned! Coming soon!) However, I figured I should get off my ass and strike while the iron was hot to capitalize on this trending topic.

Soaps have traditionally been an unfairly maligned genre. Some folks kvetch that they’re overly melodramatic and rampant with tropes. But that’s part of the fun and completely overlooks the great performances and top tier storytelling that unfolds on a daily basis. Let’s take a closer look at why soap operas merit much more respect.

The Hardest Workers in Hollywood

Ryan Gosling was onto something. Soap opera actors — and writers — are among the hardest working creatives in Hollywood. In a day and age where most television and streaming shows have adopted a bullshit “prestige” format where they can barely fart out a dozen episodes every two years, soaps crank out at least 200 episodes of 30-60 minute television per year. These serials air every Monday through Friday, giving viewers a daily serving of story and serving as a constant in a sea of far more sporadic shows.

Gosling noted that soaps are more than just “Kenough.”

They [soap opera actors] do not get the love they deserve. The amount they have to memorize the night before… Like ten pages of dialogue. They get one take.

He’s not wrong. At one time, soap operas had gigantic budgets that allowed them to have massive sets, shoot on location, and even score regular guest appearances from such luminaries as Elizabeth Taylor (General Hospital), Phyllis Diller and Fabio (The Bold and the Beautiful), Carol Burnett (All My Children), and Dick Van Dyke (Days of Our Lives). 

Today, soaps don’t command as big a budget as they used to, nor do they get the accolades they deserve. Many daytime players perform at the level of Broadway stage actors. Not only do they memorize pages of new dialogue (versus doing the same play night after night), but reduced budgets all-but demand One-Take Tessie status, requiring they deliver their lines expertly on the first try once cameras are rolling. And some of these actors (nodding to a time-honored daytime trope) even play dual roles — either as an “evil twin” or polar opposite character.

To cap it off, soap opera shooting schedules are relentless. Days of Our Lives, in particular, shoots at least nine months in advance with a rigorous schedule that ensures fans get their fix of the fictional goings-on in the town of Salem, Illinois. It was this intense filming slate that gave viewers a steady stream of uninterrupted episodes during the pandemic since the show shot well in advance.

And that’s just the actors. Soap opera writers are also faced with challenges that most other television scribes don’t deal with. They regularly juggle a pool of 30-50 characters, many of whom have decades of character development and “story bible” behind them. Writers not only need to understand their histories and relationships with other characters, but they also have to weave a massive cast into a tapestry of intersecting storylines while respecting continuity. It’s a delicate balance that gives everyone time to shine by rotating some characters to the front of the canvas and back burnering others. The result is what feels like a fully-realized town with a lore all its own.

The Soap Opera/Comic Book Connection

Soaps have a lot in common with another genre that was once relegated to fringe status before becoming a box office guarantee: comic books. Like superhero stories, soap operas have their own heroes and villains with decades of canon that must be respected lest they ruffle the feathers of rabid fans.

Both comics and soaps sometimes feature crossovers — either in the form of two soap opera worlds colliding or with actors hopping from one daytime drama to another in a new role. Presently, The Young and the Restless hosts characters from its CBS sister soap, The Bold and the Beautiful. And for a time, when ABC was airing three soap operas in its afternoon lineup, All My Children, General Hospital, and One Life to Live all had characters floating freely between the shows.

Perhaps the biggest area of common ground between soaps and comic books is that both have memorable rogues galleries that form the backbone of their respective storylines. Much like Magneto, Dr. Doom, and Harley Quinn, soap villains often have moments of redemption. (Fun fact: Comic book creator Paul Dini based the character of Harley Quinn on his friend, actress Arlene Sorkin, who later voiced the role in the animated Batman series. Sorkin was also a daytime staple in the ’80s, playing the role of eccentric fashion designer, Calliope Jones, on Days of Our Lives.) Much like their comic book counterparts, soap opera villains have a soft spot for family and loved ones, making them compelling, multi-dimensional characters you can’t help but root for on occasion. (Even when they bury their enemies alive.)

Soaps overlap with comic books in another key way: Major characters die and are routinely resurrected from the dead. Superman’s kicked the bucket and come back a few times. Ditto for his Justice League compatriots, Green Lantern and The Flash. Ra’s al Ghul hangs out in his own private Lazarus Pits. And, perhaps most famously, the X-Men’s Jean Grey has come back to life as “The Phoenix.”

Daytime has its own Phoenix — aka Stefano DiMera, Days of Our Lives’ premier villain who returned from the dead no less than ten times in almost 40 years thanks to a mystical pinky ring bearing the effigy of the mythical bird who rises from the ashes. As “the seventh son of a seventh son,” Stefano made the lives of Salem residents a living hell through his manipulations and machinations — all while listening to opera, playing chess, and being oh-so-continental. Although actor who brought “The Phoenix” to life, Joseph Mascolo sadly passed in 2016, the character of Stefano DiMera still looms large over Days of Our Lives, despite the fact that his role has respectfully never been recast.

Like comics, soap operas are no stranger to the occult, either. Characters like Ghost Rider, sorcerer supreme Doctor Strange, the half-vampire hunter Blade, and the half-demon Teen Titans’ Raven are just a few comic book heroes that have a mystical slant. Meanwhile, Dark Shadows pioneered the supernatural daytime soap opera format in the late 1960s, centering on tragic vampire Barnabas Collins and his upper crust New England family. Passions picked up the baton in the late 1990s and early aughts, leafing in plots featuring centuries-0ld witches (with magical doll familiars that came to life) alongside more grounded tales of middle class families warring against old money villains. And every so often, Days of Our Lives would interrupt their regularly-scheduled tales of romance, cop drama, and corporate takeovers with periodic storylines about alien twins, villains with magical rings and nine lives, and (of course) demonic possession.

Soap Operas Break Boundaries

Prime time television in the ’70s and ’80s had their share of “very special episodes” that tackled current issues of the day. However, many of these episodes were one-and-done, with no follow-up or lasting ramifications.

While the “I fell in love with my rapist” soap trope has aged poorly (here’s looking at you, General Hospital’s Luke and Laura), One Life to Live served up a heart-wrenching sexual assault story in 1993 that that played out over the course of three years, including a court trial rampant with victim blaming.

In 1995, General Hospital took a sensitive approach to another hot topic when the character of Stone Cates died of AIDS and his girlfriend, legacy character Robin Scorpio, contracted HIV. While Cates wasn’t a on the show for a particularly long period of time, Scorpio was the daughter of one of the show’s “supercouples” and the first major daytime character to be struck by the virus. The character of Robin is still on the show today and lives with HIV, making hers one of the longest-running storylines that shows the lasting effects of a life-changing event for daytime characters.

Beyond plot points, some soap operas themselves break new ground. In 1989, NBC launched Generations, which prominently featured a Black family among its anchor characters from the start. Generations had a cast of well-known actors and soap vets alike, including Richard Roundtree and Kristoff St. John. It also introduced Vivica A. Fox to the world in her first major role.

Generations wrapped after only two short-but-memorable years. However, in 2025, CBS created its first new soap opera in decades — Beyond the Gates, which features a predominantly Black cast. It’s currently in its second season and is poised to be renewed for a third.

In the 1990s, All My Children saw the arrival of a Latino family in Pineview, including the character of Matteo Santos (played by Marc Consuelos, who met his wife Kelly Ripa on the show). And while it was known for its previously mentioned supernatural zaniness, Passions centered on the Latino-Irish Lopez-Fitzgerald family throughout its nine-year run. After the show folded, actor Galen Gerring (who portrayed Luis Lopez) made the leap to Days of Our Lives in the role of detective Rafe Hernandez. Today, Gerring’s character is still a major part of the show and the expanded Hernandez family have found a home in Salem.

Soap operas have historically made strides to be inclusive and ensure characters reflect their viewers. LGBTQ characters have long been a part of the fabric of daytime television, with All My Children, One Life to Live, As the World Turns, and (the long-gone) Santa Barbara welcoming them into viewers homes. In 2009, All My Children featured the first lesbian wedding, with major characters Bianca Montgomery and Reese Williams saying “I do.” And in 2012, Days of Our Lives’ Will Horton and Sonny Kiriakis became daytime’s first gay supercouple, involved in front-burner storylines before eventually marrying in 2014.

Familiar Faces That Feel Like Family Through the Decades

Soap operas are far more than meets the eye. While it’s easy to dismiss them as frothy entertainment for bored housewives, these serials are far deeper than what they’re often given credit for. Yes, soaps often embrace their campy side. But they also have heart.

From tackling sometimes-controversial topics to ongoing storytelling told by writers and actors who care about their craft, soaps deliver the goods on a Monday-through-Friday basis — sometimes over the course of decades. For regular viewers who have tuned in through the years, these fictional towns can feel like home. Many of the characters age along with their viewers, making them feel like people you know yourself.

In his Happy Sad Confused appearance, Gosling mentioned having watched the original Days of Our Lives possession storyline, then found himself stumbling on the redux. This mirrored my own experience. I grew up watching Days of Our Lives with my mother as a kid and watched it on-and-off until graduating college. I tuned in less frequently once I’d joined the 9-to-5 office space crowd.

However, when the pandemic hit, I picked the habit back up again and felt like I’d never left the good folks of Salem behind for so long. It was oddly comforting. As a kid, it was a treat to watch soap operas when you were home sick from school. So, during a period when human contact was at a premium and a good chunk of the world was sick and under lockdown, becoming a regular Days of Our Lives viewer again felt like a welcome jolt of familiarity in strange times.

Unlike other forms of movies and television, soap operas offer a rare opportunity to follow characters (and the actors who continue to portray them) over the course of decades. Sometimes you grow with them. Sometimes you swing between booing or cheering them. And sometimes their terrible life choices make you feel better about yourself.

Even at their most outlandish (and it doesn’t get more outlandish than demonic possession), soap operas make their loyal devotees feel like they’ve come home to a town full of people you know and love. Whether you’re just passing through or sticking around for the long haul, there’s genuine comfort in that.

Header image credits:

• Photo of Deirdre Hall courtesy of Gabi Hernandez via Wikimedia Commons.
• Photo of Ryan Gosling courtesy of Gage Skidmore via Wikimedia Commons. (Photo altered/cropped to fit in header image.)

Let’s face it. Times are tough. Unless you have a great agent willing to champion your book, it can be hard to get your book in the hands of readers. According to a recent study, 43% of Gen-Z respondents said they rarely read for enjoyment. If you’re using your critical thinking skills to connect the dots, that may mean that publishers are less likely to take a risk on new or unproven authors, or on a book that doesn’t ladder up to a literary trend.

While those numbers are depressing as hell, there are still many writers who want to tell their stories and readers who want to immerse themselves in something that isn’t AI slop. While self-publishing opens the door for more creative autonomy, writers themselves don’t have mountains of cash to throw at something they believe in. (And yes, many of us suck at promoting our own work. This blog post is my own half-assed attempt at that while still trying to do some good.)

Right now, you have to be smart about getting your book out there — or at least not spending a ton of money to bring your creative vision to fruition. One of the things you’ll need for your book is an ISBN number, which is essential for distribution.

What is an ISBN Number?

Like a UPC code on the back of a product or your own Social Security Number, an ISBN is a unique, 13-digit code that’s essential for distributing your book. “ISBN” stands for “International Book Standard Number.” It’s used by retailers, libraries, and distributors to catalog your book and help it get found. You can typically find a book’s ISBN number on the back cover near the barcode. You can also find it inside the book on the copyright page, usually before the title page.

Every format and edition of your book (paperback, ebook, hardcover, and even audiobook) requires its own unique ISBN. ISBNs are not free and, in most cases, must be purchased through a publishing services agency like Bowker in the U.S.

For instance, I had to purchase one ISBN for the paperback version of my book and a second ISBN for the Kindle version. If I wind up releasing an audiobook, that will require shelling out for a third ISBN. Years down the line, if I ever decide to publish a Special 10th Anniversary Cash Grab Edition of my book with never-before-seen sentences, that edition — and its various formats — will require yet another ISBN or set of ISBNs.

Why You Should Buy Your Own ISBN

If you’re publishing your book through Amazon’s KDP program, they will give you a free ISBN for each version of your book that you publish through their service. Amazon’s version of an ISBN is a 10-digit code called called an ASIN (Amazon Standard Identification Number). But there’s a catch! Nothing is ever totally free.

When you opt for a free ASIN through Amazon instead of purchasing your own ISBN, you are locked into Amazon’s distribution system and cannot take your book to another vendor outside of that network. They just won’t recognize that ASIN number the way they would an ISBN, which is a global standard.

Granted, Amazon has a pretty robust distribution network. If you don’t plan to sell your book anywhere but Amazon, an ASIN will suit you just fine. However, purchasing your own ISBN gives you more flexibility to sell your books and ebooks with Amazon competitors like Barnes & Noble, Books-a-Million (BAM), Bookshop.org, Google Play, Apple Books, and other online or brick-and-mortar retailers. Also, if you intend to sell your book on your own website or even at a local independent book store, you’ll need your own ISBN.

Do I Need a Different ISBN for Every Different Store Where I Plan to Sell My Book?

Nope! While you need a different ISBN for every format of your book (hardcover, audiobook, ebook, etc.), you do not need to have a different ISBN for every retailer or e-tailer where you plan to sell your book. For instance, if you’re selling a paperback version of your book at Barnes & Noble, BAM, Amazon, and your local book store, you can use that same ISBN you’ve assigned to your paperback edition no matter where it’s sold.

How Do You Buy Your Own ISBN?

If you don’t want a free ISBN that locks you into a sole provider’s distribution system, you can purchase your own ISBN or a batch of them via Bowker. Bowker is a publishing services agency that provides ISBNs, barcodes, and resources to writers in the United States, its territories, and Australia. For writers outside those boundaries, the International ISBN Agency is your go-to.

You can purchase a single ISBN or purchase your ISBNs in batches of 10, 100, or even 1,000. If you need barcodes, they also offer bundles that include ISBNs and barcodes together, in case you need them.

Why It Makes Sense to Buy a Batch of ISBNs Instead of Just One

Purchasing a single ISBN costs $125, while buying a batch of 10 ISBNs costs $295. Chances are, if you’re self-publishing a paperback version of your book, you’ll also have a digital ebook version available, too. And if you’re feeling really spunky, you might even put out an audiobook. While most folks who self-publish don’t always release a hardcover version, some do. And you’re gonna need an ISBN for every format of your book. Yes, even if it’s the same book, just a different format.

Right out of the gate, if you purchase two ISBNs separately (one for a paperback version and one for an ebook), that will run you $250. If you pony up an additional $45, you get eight more ISBNs to use at your discretion. If you decide later that you want to release an audiobook of your title, you already have a third ISBN waiting in the wings instead of forking over another $125. Buying a batch of ten ISBNs at the same time also means you can use them whenever you like. Once you buy them, they’re yours forever. So, when you write a brand new book a few years later, you’ve already got a bunch of ISBNs that you can assign to each format.

While Bowker does offer ISBN’s in batches of 10, 100, or even 1,000, let’s not go crazy here! Unless you’re running your own publishing house, you probably won’t have a need for hundreds of ISBNs. Buying 10 at a time is the best value for most self-published writers.

How Do I Keep Track of My ISBNs Once I Buy Them?

Unless you like throwing money out an open window, you’ll want to keep track of your ISBN numbers. (I know if I paid close to $300 for something, I’d want to keep tabs on it!) Here are a few ways to handle that:

• You can create an email file folder for all of your writing-related work in your email account. For instance, if you have Gmail, you can sort all of that info into folders or “star” important messages. When Bowker/MyIdentifiers.com sends you an email with your ISBNs listed, be sure to move that email to the appropriate folder or star it.
• You can also create a spreadsheet and checklist, including a clearly labeled tab for your ISBN numbers. I’ve actually done this for you. All you have to do is make a copy of this free checklist and drop in your own ISBN numbers when you get them. From there, you can keep track of which number has been assigned to which format when you’re ready to publish.

GET YOUR FREE CHECKLIST

Now Go Forth and Self-Publish!

Getting an ISBN (or a batch of them) is one of the final steps to take before getting your book in the eager hands of your readers. Even if you’re not ready to release your book into the wild just yet, knowing the ins-and-outs of self-publishing can prepare you for the road ahead.

If you have any questions or topics you’d like to see covered in future posts, please drop a comment below! Ditto if you just want to talk about any project you’ve got in the works! Thanks for reading and good luck!

Photo credits

• • Cute cat reading a book (header image) by Pet foto from Pexels
  • Cover art for Mostly Nice Monsters by Jorge Iracheta.

Another recurring theme was weird concepts or metaphysical themes — the hidden horrors of ’80s cartoons. Okay, I wouldn’t quite say they’re “horrors,” but there sure were a lot of esoteric gems tucked inside.

You had Skeletor running around looking like a Technicolor grim reaper, ancient curses were weekly plot lines, and occult symbolism was covertly (or blatantly, in some cases) nestled into kiddie fare — despite the Moral Majority policing media for even the faintest whiff of indecency.

Fast forward to today and FCC rules are far looser. Yet, cartoons are aggressively segmented, removing anything that could be even remotely triggering or too complex for neatly categorized age groups. But for those of us who were fortunate enough to grow up during the Golden Age of Syndicated Cartoons, we were regularly exposed to weird and wonderful world-building. Even if it was just a ploy to sell toys.

Let’s take a look back at some of the arcane aspects of ’80s cartoons and what lurks in those brightly-colored animation cells.

Thundercats: Mumm-Ra and the Ancient Spirits of Steroids

Thundercats revolved around a tribe of anthropomorphic cats from the planet Thundera and their adventures in the new world of Third Earth. Their leader, Lion-O, was frequently visited by the ghostly presence of his deceased spiritual mentor, Jaga the Wise, who hooked him up with the mystical Sword of Omens to do battle with evil in myriad forms.

The looming presence of evil in Thundercats was embodied by Mumm-Ra, a creature of indeterminate species who lived in an Egyptian-style black pyramid tomb on Third Earth. Was he a human? A cat? A demon? Who the hell knows!

As a kid, I wasn’t creeped out so much by jacked, swole Mumm-Ra. However, Mumm-Ra’s decayed form was a lot scarier. Skinny with pale blue skin peeking from layers of filthy bandages, Mumm-Ra would slink from his sarcophagus to call upon “ancient spirits of eeeeevil” to supply him with metaphysical tren and transform him into the muscle-bound Mumm-Ra the Ever-Living.

While it didn’t immediately register when I was a kid, this dude was a fucking reanimated corpse. That’s right, ’80s kids! We had grudge-holding cadavers running around, performing incantations, and showing us the darker side of Egyptian ceremonial magick. What a time to be alive!

Mumm-Ra had a reflecting pool in his tomb, surrounded by statues that looked strikingly similar to ancient Egyptian gods. While I could never get a clear picture of the shadowy statuary in Mumm-Ra’s crypt in the cartoon, a closer look at the LJN Mumm-Ra’s tomb play set showed large crocodile- and bull-like figures that served as decor.

The toy statuary is slightly goofy looking in order to make them more kid-friendly. (Because who wants to play with something that terrifies you?) However, they seem to take inspiration from croc-o-gods like the ferocious Sobek and Ammit, the Eater of Souls in the Egyptian underworld. The bull seems to correspond to Apis, a bull god associated with power and rebirth — relevant themes when we’re talking about the Thundercats’ nemesis. (Let’s also take a moment to note the irony that Mumm-Ra’s sworn enemies were cats, while the ancient Egyptians revered felines.)

Mumm-Ra was pretty formidable in his ‘roided-up form — ready to take the stage in the Classic Physique portion of Third Earth’s Olympia competition. However, like every good villain, he had an Achilles heel. If Mumm-Ra saw his reflection, he’d transform back into his decrepit mummy form, rendering him powerless and sending him shrieking back to his pyramid. The writers really did their homework, giving Mumm-Ra a means of defeat that puts him on par with demons who cannot bear to see their own reflection. This piece of lore also turns up in Constantine, with Keanu Reeves’ character using a mirror to exorcise a girl.

Sure, they later softened Mumm-Ra up a bit by giving him a derpy bulldog companion named Ma-Mutt, but this dude was the standard bearer of scary in terms of ’80s cartoons.

He-Man: Skeletons, Sorceresses, and Snake Men! Oh, My!

The 1980s Filmation cartoon He-Man and the Masters of the Universe also took a page out of Egyptian lore in addition to tossing occult-flavored references into the mix. The premise involved Adam, a wimpy Eternian prince who transforms into a super-jacked hero with a lifetime supply of Tan-in-a-Can thanks to a special sword. (Wow, that sounds pretty phallic when I type that out!)

One of the few people who know Prince Adam’s secret identity is the winged Sorceress, who cribs a lot of her look from the ancient Egyptian goddess Isis. Like Isis, the Sorceress is a serene, protective, maternal figure with wings and a falcon headdress (a nice nod to the Egyptian god Horus, Isis’s son). While it didn’t hit me as a kid, it’s now clear as day. Even her blue, orange, and white color palette feels right at home on a wall chock full of hieroglyphics, not to mention making the action figure version of the Sorceress super appealing to kids. The Sorceress’s Egyptian motif was later amplified even further in the 2002 Cartoon Network remake of He-Man. 

Even Castle Greyskull — the Sorceress’s home and He-Man’s base of operations — has a mythic feel. It’s one part fortress, one part reliquary, and one part “hall of wisdom.” Castle Greyskull’s aesthetic feels more medieval than ancient Egyptian, calling to mind the Sedlec Ossuary (AKA “The Church of Bones”) in the Czech Republic. No, Castle Greyskull wasn’t grey. Let’s face it. Kids aren’t going to beg their parents for a grey playset. Hence, the marketing wisdom of making it a more colorful shade of green with a cool “jawbridge” entryway. However, there’s some slightly spooky inspiration hiding in its architecture.

That brings us to arguably the biggest occult reference in He-Man, lumbering around in plain sight. He-Man’s adversary, Skeletor, had a fiendish skull face topped by a purple hood. But Skeletor was no mere bag of bones. Nope. That skeletal visage sat atop a muscular blue body that could have given He-Man a run for his D-Bol. Skeletor wasn’t as scary as Mumm-Ra, but probably shared some of his “dietary supplements.” Coupled with a collection of puns and a backstory shrouded in mystery, these factors combined to make Skeletor an intriguing cartoon villain.

That backstory wasn’t fully fleshed (or de-fleshed) out until the 2002 version and the 2021 Kevin Smith-helmed reboot of He-Man. These renditions revealed that Skeletor was the once-great warrior Keldor, who also happens to be He-Man’s shady uncle. (Every family has one.)

However, the scariest thing about the 2002 animated retread wasn’t Skeletor, but rather another villain that popped up in Season 2. The serpentine King Hiss bordered on Cronenberg-style body horror when he peeled off his skin to reveal a mass of slithering snakes underneath. Need even more nightmare fuel? Each of these snakes spoke in unison, giving King Hiss a creepy voice that all but spat “We are legion!” through his many forked tongues.

Oh. Hell. No.

The Smurfs

Who could forget The Smurfs?! These tiny, blue, predominantly male creatures lived in the forest in houses made from hollowed-out mushrooms — giving them a lot in common with Viagra. They frolicked merrily, singing a happy tune all the live-long day. And they also used “Smurf” as noun, an adjective, and a verb: “I love being a Smurf.” “Have a smurfy day!” “I smurfed your mom last night!”

Each Smurf’s name described a key attribute or their function within the community: Baker Smurf made pastries for his blue brethren. Brainy Smurf was the overly-confident quasi-intellectual of the group. Hefty Smurf, keeping with the ’80s fascination with fitness, was Smurf Village’s very own bodybuilder. And of course, there was the wise, warm, and kind Papa Smurf. Kids could easily pinpoint him as the fearless leader since he was the only one who wore a red cap and pants while the rest of the Smurfs wore white.

Yet, as lovable as The Smurfs were, this was the 1980s and the Moral Majority was tits out for Satanic Panic. So, of course there were several pitchfork-bearing groups kvetching that the Smurfs were evil.

As a kid who had a collection of little plastic Smurf figures that littered my room, I was appalled! In my world, nothing could be more wholesome than Smurfs.

As an adult, I love The Smurfs even more for the gleeful subversion that skated just under the censors’ eyes. Were they Satanic? Nah! However, they were old world Pagan-coded, firmly rooted in ancient lore surrounding nature spirits and deities.

In the era of fire-and-brimstone-spouting televangelists like Jimmy Swaggart and Jerry Falwell, there was bound to be some blue blowback on these tiny creatures living in harmony. However, Papa Smurf never porked Jessica Hahn behind his wife’s back in a hotel room and had a crying fit about it on TV. Chalk that up as a win for The Smurfs!

One thing that might not have helped the Satanic Panic pitchfork bearers was that the Smurf’s arch enemy Gargamel was a failed alchemist with both a cat named Azrael and an obsession with transmuting the Smurfs into gold. While it probably went over the heads of most folks who don’t have a few Aleister Crowley books on their nightstand, naming your cat after the ancient Angel of Death is definitely a CHOICE. (To be fair, Azrael — the angel of death, not the cat — gets a bad rap. He’s just doing his job, ushering souls to the other side.) It’s also interesting to note that the Smurfs’ pal, Father Time, is an old, bearded man who carries a scythe — like a not-so-Grim-Reaper.

In addition to that reference to Abrahamic religions, The Smurfs had some very Pagan underpinnings evident in minor recurring characters. Many had a magical slant to them, like Mother Nature, Selwyn and Tallulah (the wizard/sorceress equivalent of Liz Taylor and Richard Burton), and the good wizard Homnibus. I’m not totally sure what Homnibus’s gig was was beyond playing chess with Papa Smurf and talking magic shop, but these characters were all part of the broader magical ecology of Smurf Village, standing alongside the good Smurfs as their allies against the evil of Gargamel.

So, while The Smurfs may not have had the same freaky factor that He-Man and Thundercats held, there was still a wink and a nod to ancient nature spirits embedded in their DNA. But who knows? Maybe I just missed the episode where the Smurfs all got together to build a wicker man and shoved Gargamel inside while Pyro Smurf busted out the torches? Hey! Stranger things have happened!

• Skeletor and his cool Havok Staff: Image by jtkim04 from Pixabay
• Caged Smurf: Image by Martaposemuckel

It was a few days after New Year’s. I was in the bathroom doing my pre-bedtime routine: floss, brush, moisturizer, and pee. Then, like an RKO to the nervous system — out of nowhere — I found myself sitting on the ol’ gutbucket, getting teary about packing away my Christmas decorations for the season.

During the holiday break, I had time to collect my thoughts, eat some cookies, and fully enjoy shimmery ornaments and kitschy decor.

Then, the calendar flips and it’s back into the fray. It’s the whiplash of it all that’s the hell of it.

That’s life, though.

Millennia ago, we used to look at the dark of winter as a time to hibernate. Yule was the last hurrah before the coldest days of winter set in. Celebrations were meant to bring warm feelings to people within a shared community and remind you that everyone needed one another to survive.

From a cynical perspective, the old stories of Yule and Christmas had an undercurrent of, “Be nice to your neighbor. You might need their help if you want to make it through this winter. ” However, the more optimistic viewpoint encouraged everyone to gather ’round the fire and see the best in each other because each individual brings something special to the table, literally and figuratively. The spirit of the season encouraged us to think about the vital role each person plays in a given space and what we would miss without them there.

None of this explains the ugly crying jag I had in the shithouse. It could be perimenopause. Or that Christmas decor holds memories of people who are no longer here. It could simply be the acknowledgment of how quickly time passes. Or it could be a combo of all three.

Ghosts of Christmas Past

I wish I could just leave well enough alone, but I’m compelled to pick at the scab to try to get at what’s underneath.

The holiday season comes with a rush of feelings triggered by familiar cycles. It’s an internal clock that chimes based on a full trip around the sun. “The mind forgets, but the body remembers.”

We’re all like Scrooge, in a way. However, instead of the spirits visiting us all in one night, they waft in and out throughout the season. We meet ghosts of Christmas past through family ornaments on the tree. We look at the present around us right now. And we hope for more Christmases to come.

It’s a lot to take in from a philosophical perspective alongside all of the running around, buying gifts, and attempting to make everything “just so.” We step into shoes our parents once wore. Barring the inevitable family arguments at Christmas, they made the production of the holidays look all so effortless. As a kid, you weren’t looking for the seams to show. As an adult, there’s a greater appreciation for the magic of how loved ones still made the holidays sparkle, despite the pressure to do a lot with a little — be it time, money, or patience.

Beyond the sights of Christmas, there are the smells of cookies baking and the sound of familiar songs that start getting played immediately after Thanksgiving. Sure, some of us want to hide from the shrieking horror of Mariah Carey’s holiday high notes, but there’s the also the melancholy embrace of “Last Christmas” for those of us who do not celebrate WHAM!ageddon and willingly enter the hallowed halls of WHAM!halla. Life is too short to deny yourself the angelic vocals of George Michael.

And maybe that’s it: Life is too short.

You spend hours putting up the decorations that add a bit more color and whimsy to the bleak winter season. And then, in just a few short weeks, it’s time to take them down. That same winter chill remains. The stressful routines are still there, but the colorful lights and cheerful characters all go back into storage.

No wonder why some of us like to let the decorations hang around a little longer.

What’s Sucking the Joy Out of the Holidays?

In a period that mingles joy, wonder, mirth and even a bit of sadness, the holidays offer a refuge of reflection when things finally slow down. You kick back with some cinnamon tea and gingerbread cookies and think, “Shit. If only every day could be like this and it was all a little slower.”

It brings to mind Ralph Kramden’s speech at the end of The Honeymooners’ Christmas episode:

Everyone’s hustling some place. But they don’t hustle around Christmastime like they usually do. You know, they’re a little more friendlier… they bump into you, they laugh and they say, ‘Pardon me. Merry Christmas’… especially when it gets real close to Christmas night.

This year felt different, though. People, for the most part, weren’t very friendly. In fact, a lot of folks were downright shitty, rude, entitled, and combative in random, public spaces. I think it’s because everyone is cracking under the pressure of a number of things. The world is moving too fast and it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s fake anymore. There’s unrest in all corners of the world. The cost of living continues to climb. People worry about their loved ones, their jobs, and their homes. Others live in fear of something that was once fairly straightforward, like opening an electric bill.

Overall, people seemed meaner and more self-absorbed this holiday season than in previous years.

It wasn’t just me seeing it. I chatted with a few other friends around town, all from wildly different industries and walks of life — from office work to social work to retail to food service. They saw it, too. The ancient Yuletide spirit of finding a light in the darkness felt harder to spot amidst dueling cellphone flashes, all competing against one another to provide “proof” of every moment instead of simply experiencing it.

Everywhere you turned, it felt like a pointed attempt to leverage a period traditionally reserved for softness and slowness to capitalize, cranking up the heat on the pressure cooker. It all felt unnecessarily overwhelming. Like there was a concerted effort to keep everyone on-edge, wondering if there would be coal in their stocking even though they’d been good all year. Nearly everyone I talked to felt that whiff of Dickensian-era angst: a muted undercurrent of struggle and loneliness, amplified by technology that was once heralded as something that would alleviate both.

Keep Christmas With You All Through the Year

Despite the army of Grinches attempting to dampen the holiday spirit, some people and places remained a hub of warmth, reflection, and joy.

There are some people who exude so much warmth that they naturally repel assholes. They’re a rare and real lot, so when you meet them, let them know how awesome they are and squish into every hug they offer. These folks tend the hearth of humanity year ’round, not just during the holiday season.

You know them when you see them. You walk into a neighborhood shop and wind up having a conversation with the person behind the register. Someone else walks in. They hear laughter and join the conversation. That’s how friendships and familiarity are built among people who would otherwise stay total strangers.

While we tend to think of reflection as a solitary act, it doesn’t have to be that way. Conversations with other people can hold up that same mirror, making someone else feel a little less alone and like they’re not the only one who’s experienced something similar or felt a certain way.

It’s not always that deep, though. You’re not going to bare your soul and form a close bond with some rando in the frozen food aisle. But sometimes, it’s just a simple interaction that makes you smile that can shift the vibe in a good way.

Whether you’re a Wawa devotee or a 7-11  aficionado, those seemingly small neighborhood fixtures feel like a piece of home and can be a year ’round source of wonder. It could be trying a new flavor of coffee, chatting with staff you already know, or bumping into regular customers who keep have the same routine as you. These are simple joys that keep the spark of living burning bright.

About a week after my Christmas decoration-sponsored cry-in on the crapper, I took a morning walk to the Wawa up the block. When I got there, some dude was kind enough to hold the door for me and say, “And here’s our next contestant… Come ONNNNNNN DOWN!” Seconds later, there was another guy at the ATM, yelling at it J.G. Wentworth- style: “It’s my money and I want it now!” I joked back with these two guys and the on-duty security guard.

Those brief, ten-second exchanges set the tone for my day. I walked home feeling a lot better than I did before I left my house. That energy carried over into my workday and well into the night.

Don’t underestimate the power that being yourself and putting your energy out there has on the world around you. And don’t let people try to stamp out that spark. Say the weird thing. Break into song in public. Life’s too short and time goes too quickly to operate under the premise that one, singular holiday season has a monopoly on joy. Sure, the lights are a little brighter around Christmas, but the world needs sparkle throughout the rest of the year. And if it’s not there, create it.

Photo credits:

• Nutcracker, Christmas village, and carousel: Author’s own
• Santa Claus ornament that looks suspiciously like Rip Taylor: Author’s own
• Gratuitous photo of Sammy and his colorful scarf framed by a wreath: Author’s own

Ironically, the boo birds likening the Stranger Things finale to Game of Thrones share more in common with Thrones scribe George R.R. Martin himself. Hell, Martin doesn’t just love to kill his own characters! This is the same guy who thought that J.R.R. Tolkien should have had Gandalf stay dead in the Lord of the Rings saga.

Note: Light spoilers ahead, for those who have not yet watched the last episode.

Apparently, not enough main characters died in the Stranger Things finale for the liking of some. A common complaint was that it felt “unrealistic” for characters to survive when faced with insurmountable odds like a wormhole, mind flayers, interdimensional creatures, and a massive military-led program working against our heroes.

It feels a little ridiculous to claim that the ending is “unrealistic” when you’re dealing with a premise that’s pretty unrealistic itself.

But that’s the allure of shows like Stranger Things. It’s a sci-fi/horror story with friends, family, and found family at its beating heart, set in the 1980s in the Midwestern town of Hawkins, Indiana. Like most modern fantasy series, it throws everyday people into extraordinary situations.

To me, it’s easier to wrap my head around interdimensional portals and screeching monsters running around a food court than it is the current trend of dismissing anything that has a (mostly) happy ending. It often feels like the constant stream of infotainment, on-demand social media, and inflammatory talking heads in a 24-7 news cycle has created an insatiable appetite for doom and gloom. It’s become the norm for movies and TV shows to peddle a narrative that “resistance is futile and the world is bleak… Deal with it.”

That’s not to say that happy endings are a guarantee in real life or that we should bury our heads in the sand to shield ourselves from ugly truths. Sometimes you need a break to think up solutions instead of just revving on problems.

In turn, the best stories simultaneously offer an escape hatch from reality and a source of inspiration.

You forget about the problems of the day. You get attached to characters. You cheer for them. And sometimes you see a bit of people you know in them.

If anything, having had to come to grips with the mixed bag of happy and sad in Supernatural’s final episode, I was relieved to see a happy ending for most of the Stranger Things characters that I watched grow up over the course of a decade.

“Bleaker” Doesn’t Mean “Better”

Most modern storytelling seems designed to beat viewers into submission, sending a subliminal message that we shouldn’t even bother to try. We’re conditioned to believe that a bleak ending is a more satisfying one because it mirrors how life works.

So, what’s behind this craving for grim endings? It’s often said that “art imitates life.” However, in a period where we’re bombarded with unsettling stories of crime and violence, it’s easy to lose sight that the news is supposed to report events that are unusual at best or sensationalistic at worst. In the field of mass communication, this is dubbed “gatekeeping theory.”

Gatekeeping is the process of selecting, and then filtering, items of media that can be consumed within the time or space that an individual happens to have… These gatekeeping decisions are made every day to sort out the relevant items that audiences will see. Every day the news channel receives various news items from all over the world. The channel has its own set of ethics, policies, and biases through which the editor decides the news items that will be published, aired, or killed.

For instance, it’s more common to see someone holding the door open for a person coming out of a 7-11 than it is to see an individual assaulted with hot coffee to the face. However, the hot coffee splasher might make for a more newsworthy story because it’s not an everyday occurrence. When people are fed a steady diet of these stories — even if they’re not typical — they buy into the fear of some random lunatic running around, dousing people with a half-caf hazelnut latte with extra Splenda.

But think about it: What would the world be like if we had more stories about people doing things as simple-but-day-making as opening the door for a fellow patron or asking the cashier if they could pay for someone else’s order? (Okay, the latter might not happen in this economy, but it’s a nice thought.) Could a news feed packed with those stories cause a shift that prompts us to tap into our better natures instead of pulling back in fear and isolation?

Connecting Stranger Things, Lord of the Rings, and The Nothing

While it wasn’t a reboot, nostalgia was a guiding light for Stranger Things. Well-chosen songs from the era were almost as much of a character as the characters themselves. (Here’s looking at you, “Running Up That Hill” by Kate Bush and Metallica’s “Master of Puppets.”) The costuming and (often bad) hair design gave the show a throwback feel. Even ’80s mall culture got its due in Season 3 as the setting for an epic showdown between the Hawkins kids and The Big Bad after hours.

Season 3 also referenced the classic ’80s fantasy flick, The Neverending Story, with one of the young protagonists and his long-distance girlfriend singing the film’s theme song to each other.

It’s easy to dismiss these references as dated. Yet, much like The Neverending Story, our world is facing down something like The Nothing that rolls in with waves of despair and a loss of imagination. That drive to imagine and think outside the bounds of possiblity can keep you moving forward, even when it feels like all hope is lost.

That’s the same message tucked inside Lord of the Rings. Written by J.R.R. Tolkien after returning home from the horrors of World War I, LOTR became a blueprint for fantasy novels, teaching us that even the smallest of us can make a big difference.

It’s no surprise that Stranger Things’ ending took a page out of Tolkien’s playbook, with minimal main character deaths and showing that evil can be defeated when people work together and don’t give up. That sentiment showed up in the series’ final moments during Dustin’s valedictorian speech:

I thought about the past six years and realized that, even though there was a lot of bad, there was so much good, too. There’s this game I like to play called Dungeons & Dragons. And in this game, there are two types of chaos classes. Chaotic Good and Chaotic Bad.

Now, bad chaos brings anarchy, destruction, war. But good chaos can bring innovation, change. And this school, frankly, it needed to change. Because we were so divided into the jocks, the nerds, the freaks. And in the chaos, all those walls broke down and I made new friends. Friends who were never supposed to be my friends. This wasn’t just me. It happened to so many others.

When you know people who are different from you, you begin to learn more about yourself. You change. You grow…. But I am worried. Because now that the chaos is over, Principal Higgins and every square like him is going to do their damnedest to put everything back in order. And I don’t want order…Screw the system. Screw conformity.

Stories Bring Us Together

Today, it’s becoming harder to find common ground with others. Like any technology, the internet and social media have the power to bring people together, but also divide us further. And in the wake of AI and deepfake technology, it’s becoming harder to distinguish truth from fiction.

With more people having cut the cord on cable TV and hopscotching around an endless parade of streaming services now, Stranger Things was one of the last cultural touchstones that had broad appeal and storytelling that created a modern mythology. Dating back to ancient times, stories of heroes and legends created a unified set of cultural reference points and gave people something to aspire to. Having shared stories didn’t remove individuality. Rather, they offered a common starting point to talk to your neighbor and forge a bond with someone who might seem a little different.

Right now, there’s a greater need than ever for stories that tell us that the good guys can win, even when things look dire.

Sure, Stranger Things struck some flat notes here and there. But the ending was far from disappointing. It’s comforting to see that, even when bad things happen, life goes on and there are still good times ahead if you just hang in and take care of each other.

In its final episode, Stranger Things stayed true to the core message it sent from its very first season: The world can be dangerous, but when people of all ages and backgrounds work together and apply their unique skills, they can beat back the darkness through the powers of determination, imagination, loyalty, and friendship.

That’s the reality I choose to imagine. And if that feels unrealistic or hokey, in the words of Stranger Things character Derek Turnbow, “Suck my fat one!”

Photo: David Gomes

So, what has the world’s most trusted color standard cooked up for 2026? Hot on the heels of a straight-up neutral like this year’s Mocha Mousse and the the neutral-adjacent Peach Fuzz from 2024, Pantone dug deep into the bowels of the Clean Girl Aesthetic and dredged up Cloud Dancer.

The “Go, Girl. Give Us Nothing” of hues, the name Cloud Dancer evokes My Little Pony, minus the joy. But that’s not stopping Pantone from trying to gussy up this horse before it goes to the glue factory and finds itself processed into a substance that shares similar tonal qualities with Cloud Dancer. The brand describes the 2026 COTY as:

A whisper of tranquility and peace in a noisy world…Cloud Dancer, a lofty white that serves as a symbol of calming influence in a society rediscovering the value of quiet reflection. A billowy white imbued with serenity… Cloud Dancer encourages true relaxation and focus, allowing the mind to wander and creativity to breathe, making room for innovation.

Nice try, Pantone. I like using fancy words to serve up a banquet of bullshit, too.

If you’re trying to conjure “serenity, now!” and pry blue-light addled eyes from TikTok videos, doomscrolling, and the relentless anxiety and pressure to innovate in this modern world, you’re going to have do a helluva lot better than a color named after a David Carradine movie.

Puff up that low-effort color all you want, but it’s white. Sure, it’s a neutral white that’s neither cool nor warm. But it’s white.

The Cloud Dancer Backlash

And since this is 2025, a polarizing piece of pop culture isn’t just a marketing flop. Every village idiot on social media must ascend their soap boxes to declare it an affront to human dignity, a racist dog whistle, and harbinger of dystopian times. Look, I know we live in a fractured world where it’s hard to just whistle a happy tune and pretend that life is beautiful. But Jesus Christ, can we get a fucking grip already?!

Insinuating that this bland, flavorless non-color is somehow “an extension of the conservatism that’s taking over everywhere” or “giving privilege” is a stretch. Albeit, a more creative stretch than trying to make Cloud Dancer happen. But we’re really reaching here.

Pantone’s executive director, Leatrice Eiseman issued a statement to set the record straight, saying:

The global team at the Pantone Color Institute selected this color for its emotional and creative resonance, not as a statement on politics, ideology, or race. Pantone does not assign political narratives to color; to select or avoid a hue on that basis would give such narratives a significance they do not hold in this process.

Is Pantone’s Cloud Dancer bland and low-effort, dressed up with a pretty marketing pitch trying to spin it as “reflective”? Yes.

Is Pantone’s 2026 Color of the Year the definitive shade of creative burnout and the equivalent of waving the white Cloud Dancer flag of surrender on coming up with something that dazzles the eye and sparks imagination? Also, yes.

Is it tone-deaf and racist? No. Not even close.

You know what? Maybe we, as a society, have become so ridiculous that we don’t even deserve a real color this year. Maybe the Pantone Color Institute just decided to put us all in time out and said, “We’re done. Here’s a color that’s sadder and whiter than Lana Del Rey’s music.* Deal with it.”

Rejected Names for Pantone’s Cloud Dancer

No diatribe about the disappointment that Pantone’s 2026 Color of the Year hath wrought would be complete without a list of names that might have been bandied about for this humdrum hue, only to be scuttled in favor of the gilded lily that is “Cloud Dancer.”

Picture it: Bleary-eyed creative directors, designers, and copywriters likely gathered on a Zoom call at 5:28pm on a Friday. Tasked with mustering enthusiasm and putting a name to their pain, someone halfheartedly said “Cloud Dancer” and the rest agreed with a chorus of “Good enough! Let’s get this over with.”

One can only speculate what other names were thrown out, but I humbly offer some suggestions that could have been:

• Mashed Potatoes Without Gravy
• I Hope My Landlord Gives Me Back My Deposit
• Realistic Veneers
• Bored Yeti
• New-ish Undershirt
• Live, Laugh, Lame
• Soft Wall From My Grippy Sock Vacation
• Your Aunt’s Freshly Groomed Bichon Before He Poops
• When Greige Is Too Exciting
• Diddy’s Dancing-Onstage-at-the-MTV-Awards-After-Biggie-Died Outfit**
• Classic Toilet
• Why Bother?
• Courthouse Wedding

A Colorless Color By Any Other Name Would Suck Just as Hard

In a time where joy, color, and whimsy are in ever-shorter supply, Pantone could have gone for a Hail Mary pass and given us a Color of the Year that felt more inspiring than wadded up Kleenex. While I can appreciate the well-crafted sentiment behind Cloud Dancer, Pantone’s words ring hollow. Society isn’t rediscovering “quiet reflection.” If anything, it’s too loud with too many voices ringing against each other, making it difficult to parse signal from noise. Things are moving too fast and too recklessly to carve space to create something lasting or thoughtful.

Staring at a blank apartment wall as your landlord jacks up the rent doesn’t inspire a sense of tranquility. I don’t think Pantone intended to offend with Cloud Dancer. Sure, they got us talking. And thinking. But at the same time, it’s all-too-neutral and flavorless — like a world full of homogenized opinions on what’s “tasteful.” Go on. Offend me! Give me something to work with!

We’ve all had grey days and blue Mondays. However, I’ve always felt that experiencing the worst, bottom-scraping low is better than feeling nothing at all. Having your heart wrung out like a dish towel sucks, but it’s proof you’re still here. However, when there’s an absence of feeling and nothing moves you? It’s a bleak place to be and harder to claw your way back from that colorless void.

Give me loud and tacky any day. At least it makes me feel something.

So, if Pantone won’t give us color, it’s up to each of us to take that blank canvas and infuse it with something uniquely ours. Whether that’s a regal purple, cheerful yellow, or the pinkest of John Waters-approved Pink Flamingos, choose your own damn colors and let ’em fly. Who needs Pantone to tell you what the Color of the Year is! Bring some color and joy to the world around you instead of trying so hard to be “tasteful.”

Footnotes

* I actually like Lana Del Rey’s music. However, unlike Ms. Del Rey, “Lana” actually is my real name.

** To be fair, that’s probably a cooler-toned white. But far be it from me to pass up a timely reference!

Photo credits

Lackluster photo of curtains that approximate Pantone’s 2026 Color of the Year, Cloud Dancer: Author’s own.

Better Than the Original?

The Exorcist is lauded as one of the best horror films of all time. It was revolutionary when it first came out in 1973, with movie-goers fainting and/or puking in theaters during showings. My mother saw it in its original run and was terrified, talking up the film as having kept her awake for several nights after watching it.

Of course, that piqued my interest in The Exorcist. I begged to see it. Mom didn’t relent until I was 10 or 11 years old, right before Exorcist III came out. I was finally allowed to watch the O.G. Exorcist, so long as there was a cross in the room and I wore a saint medal during the viewing. (Seriously.)

However, the original was lampooned so thoroughly that by the time I saw it that it felt like more of a comedy than a horror film. I cackled at possessed preteen Regan MacNeil doing “power sit-ups” on her bed. I howled with laughter when she projectile vomited. And all bets were off when I heard the line, “Your mother sucks cocks in hell.”

Suffice to say, I didn’t get possessed while watching The Exorcist. But I gained an even greater appreciation for the Saturday Night Live sketch where Richard Pryor gets blasted with pea soup by Laraine Newman. 

Afterwards, I bypassed Exorcist II and went straight to Exorcist III. Let’s face it: everyone wants to forget that Exorcist II happened. And rightly so. Not even James Earl Jones could save that one.

Being a child of the late ’80s and early ’90s, Exorcist III was more my speed. Based on William Peter Blatty’s novel, Legion, Exorcist III is the true spiritual successor to the original film. This time around, George C. Scott takes on the role of Detective Bill Kinderman, stepping into his gumshoes after original actor Lee J. Cobb had passed. Kinderman was only a supporting character in The Exorcist, but the threequel elevates him to center stage.

Scott’s Kinderman (who should really switch to decaf) is a dyed-in-the-wool agnostic who questions whether God can exist in a world plagued by murder and “the numbing of the human spirit.” He also pals around with a lot of Catholic priests.

Kinderman is everything you want in a leading character: He has integrity and a strong moral compass. He has a sense of right, wrong, and conflicted feelings about spirituality. And yet, he’s sarcastic, diligent, and will not hesitate to loudly flip the fuck out on someone who is out of line. The film hints less explicitly than the book that, in addition to being agnostic, Kinderman is also Jewish. This makes his relationships with the characters of Father Karras and Father Dyer even more interesting, serving as a backdrop for various philosophical discussions.

The Theatrical Version: The Superior Version. It’s a Matter of Taste, I Think. Don’t You?

While claiming that Exorcist III is better than the original is a hill I’m willing to die on, I’m also willing to impale myself on the sword that the theatrical release is much better than the director’s cut. Author William Peter Blatty directed Exorcist III himself and was intent on it staying true to his vision. Normally, I’ll side with a writer all day. But in this instance, I think the theatrical version made for a stronger movie.

In the theatrical release, Jason Miller reprises the role of Father Damien Karras, who was believed to have died 15 years prior after getting launched out the window like a bottle rocket during the exorcism of young Regan MacNeil. While both the director’s cut and theatrical release feature a brilliant performance by Brad Douriff as Patient X — AKA James Venamun, an institutionalized serial murderer with daddy issues known as “The Gemini Killer” — the theatrical cut makes it clear to the viewer that there is something supernatural afoot, rather than leave it up for grabs as to the true nature of Patient X.

Father Karras now finds his body as a vessel for spirit of The Gemini Killer who’s slicing and dicing his way through people in Kinderman’s orbit and forcing Karras’s tormented soul to witness these acts from inside Venamun’s body. In the theatrical cut, Detective Kinderman ponders whether or not the dude in the psych ward who looks like his old, presumed-dead pal is truly Karras, or just some nut who happen to look like the dead priest and is pulling his leg. This delivers far more emotional resonance and underscores the question of faith with evil taking the face of a friend he’d long believed to be dead.

The theatrical release also has a much bigger, climactic showdown with fire, snakes, and a priest getting flayed alive while attempting to perform an exorcism in a padded cell. (Pity the orderly who has to get blood and entrails out of the soft, not-so-white walls.)

This was the right move, as the director’s cut had performed poorly with test audiences. And while it’s “the cool thing” to say the director’s cut is better, I’ll say it loud and proud that the theatrical version was far more satisfying. This isn’t exactly a hot take, as a number of horror fans have expressed that they prefer the theatrical release, too.) While the ending was more cinematic and rooted in traditional horror, it still felt true to the story and didn’t veer into Michael Bay ‘splodey stuff territory.

This version also gave us an 11th-hour addition of the character of Father Morning, a priest whose hair had turned white after having performed an exorcism in the Philippines. Played by Nicol Williamson, a British actor with a booming voice best known for his role as Merlin in Excaliber, Father Morning is truly a deus ex machina sent in to exorcise Father Karras.

Normally, any scramble to rewrite and cobble together a big ending could smack of ham-fisted storytelling or resentment on the part of the writer/director having to alter his vision. Instead, the insertion of Father Morning felt fairly seamless. The character is mentioned to Kinderman by Father Riley, before the viewers are introduced to the exorcist priest hanging out in his humble room. The next time we see him, Morning is decked out in full regalia to purge Karras of his unwanted inhabitant in the film’s final moments.

The sequence doesn’t just bring the gore factor to an otherwise psychological horror film (with a few well-placed jump scares). It also serves up even more outstanding dialogue and performances from Scott, Douriff, Miller, and Williamson. Had the director’s cut ending prevailed, we’d have missed out on one of George C. Scott’s best film soliloquies when he addresses the tag team of both The Gemini Killer and the demon in his friend’s body. (Also, whoever voted to give George C. Scott a Razzie for his performance in Exorcist III can eat an entire box of my corn-speckled turds.)

How Exorcist III: Legion (The Director’s Cut) Differs

The director’s cut — sometimes distinguished as Exorcist III: Legion —  is far more psychological horror that plays more to Detective Kinderman’s “unbelief” in the supernatural. This version was only recently pasted together from lost footage and added to a Blu-Ray edition of Exorcist III. You can definitely see where the grainy, non-HD footage was added, marking it as different from the theatrical release.

This director’s cut did not have Jason Miller, the character of Father Morning, or a big fire-and-brimstone ending. Instead, the film’s conclusion delivers a quieter resolution to Detective Kinderman’s question of faith.

What Legion does have is more Brad Douriff, which is never a bad thing. He’s still outstanding in this version, but you have to take it at face value when the character claims he harbors the soul of Damien Karras in the body of a much-younger man. You don’t know if this guy is a garden-variety loony who believes he’s evil incarnate, or if he truly is possessed. Douriff’s delivery is chilling when he tells Kinderman, “If you looked with the eyes of faith, you’d see me.”

The adjustments made to the theatrical version offer greater emotional stakes for Kinderman. Sure, the character has the challenge of trying to learn how a part-time catatonic keeps getting out of his cell to brutally murder people. However, it’s more unsettling when the viewer (and Kinderman) hears the horrifying details of these crimes coming from the body of a man who was once known for his kindness and self-sacrifice. The theatrical cut’s see-sawing between the two actors in the role makes Kinderman’s conflict more palpable.

I Like Plays… The Good Ones: Exorcistic Excellence in Writing & Casting

As a kid, the Exorcist III stood out to me for its suspense and creepy scenes. As an adult who watches it every year at Halloween, I’ve come to love it even more for its layered performances and unique writing style. Like any good give-and-take conversation, the film has both lengthy monologues and rapid-fire patter between characters. The soliloquies underscore just how much of a character study Exorcist III is, while the back-and-forth dialogues feel like real-life chats with people you know. There’s also a good amount of witty and/or gallows humor tucked into the writing, offering up well-timed comic beats to break up the tension.

There’s not a bad performance in the film. Even lesser-known names like Ed Flanders as kind-yet-snarky priest Father Dyer and Nancy Fish as prickly Nurse Allerton make big contributions to the film in supporting roles. These characters alternately provide a counterbalance to the conflicted Detective Kinderman. While Father Dyer attempts to temper Kinderman’s cynicism and rage at the injustices of the world, Nurse Allerton serves as combination of exposition fairy, foil, and red herring at various points throughout the film.

It’s the Smiles That Keep Us Going: Because Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

While I’ve fallen in and out of love with several flicks I’d previously considered Spooky Season staples (I’m looking at you, The Sentinel and Halloween III: Season of the Witch.), Exorcist III  is one I consistently come back to every year. Nothing can dim my love for the film — not even a bizarre incident in 2011 where my TV caught fire during the pivotal final exorcism scene.

There I was, sitting on my couch and nearing the end of Exorcist III. Father Morning was casting out unclean spirits, surrounded by demon fire and snakes.

I’m fixated on the screen. I could swear I’m hallucinating, but I see what looks like faint, grey smoke wafting from the flat screen.

I shrug it off and keep watching, listening to Nicol Williamson’s resonant voice intone the Roman Ritual above infernal screams and hissing serpents. I chalk it up to seeing fire as part of the film and my brain rolling merrily along with the vibe.

Then, the smoke I thought I saw emanating from my TV set began to look darker. I look over at my boyfriend and say, “Do you see that, too?”

Suddenly, the screen flickers to black and smoke is now pouring from the top of the TV. Even though the image was gone, the sound was still kickin’. So, Jason Miller is screaming. Demons are screaming. And I’m sure as shit screaming. I unplugged the TV and, thankfully, it stopped smoking. However, it was definitely fried.

One hour, a shitload of cash, and a trip to H.H. Gregg later, we had a new TV and resumed the annual viewing of Exorcist III. I’m not sure what was scarier: the TV catching fire with an exorcism-in-progress, or the credit card bill after shelling out for a new flat screen. Suffice to say, “Certain parties were not pleased, to say the least. To say the very least.”

Thankfully, it’s never happened again. But maybe I really should have hung crosses in the room or wore a sacred medal like Mom insisted back in the day?

Anyway, “It’s the smiles that keep us going, don’t you think?”

Happy Halloween!

But before we get into all that, let’s start with a shameless plug: I just published a new book! My short story collection, Mostly Nice Monsters (And a Few Nasties) is now available in paperback and for Kindle. It’s a mix of previously-published and never-before-published short stories set in a modern world populated by vampires, werewolves, and other supernatural creatures just trying to live their best (un)lives, both within their own communities and alongside humans.

The collection blends humor, cozy horror, and some true shit-your-slacks terror that will have you checking under your bed and checking your drawers for stains. Best of all, you can read each story as a standalone adventure. However, if you read the collection in its entirety, you’ll see a much larger, interconnected “monster-verse.”

Why I Went the Self-Publishing Route (Again)

Not every story you write will find a home in an anthology or magazine. It doesn’t mean it sucks. It just means it’s not an editor’s cup of tea or isn’t quite right for a particular publication. But it also doesn’t mean your work has to sit in a drawer until you’re able to find it a good home.

Self-publishing gives authors a platform to share the stories they want to tell and a chance at finding adventurous readers who want to discover something new.

It also offers greater creative autonomy. In the words of His Royal Purpleness, Prince: “If you don’t own your masters, your masters own you.” When you self-publish, you own your work fully. No one can tell you to change something and you can preserve your work in the format you intended it to reach readers. Like any other creative medium, the literary world is subject to trends. It doesn’t have to fit into a neat category in order for a publisher to take a chance on an unproven author or unconventional style. Instead, you’re betting on yourself. Win or lose, it’s worth the gamble.

That said, creating a “brand” as an author is now part of the gig, whether you’re traditionally published or self-published. If you self-publish, you still have to promote your book. No one knows it’s out there if you don’t get out there and tell them. I’m an introvert myself and will fully admit that the promotional aspect can feel intimidating. But you just have to rip the band-aid off and do it in a way that feels true to who you are as a creator.

I’m Cheap, So I Decided to Format My Book Myself

Mostly Nice Monsters wasn’t my first self-publishing rodeo. My first book, Bad Taste in Men — a novel that could be classified as “chick lit for tomboys” — came out in 2013. (If you’re doing the math, that was 12 years ago. Hey! It’s still faster than the rate George R.R. Martin’s getting around to writing The Winds of Winter — and this isn’t even my full-time job. Cut me some slack!)

The last time I published a book, Amazon still had their CreateSpace self-publishing arm. For a fee, CreateSpace would professionally format your book for you. They gave you a nice selection of header and body copy styles to choose from, as well as decorative elements to give your book a polished design with personality.

Amazon phased out CreateSpace in 2018 and shifted titles to their KDP Print service. Today, you can use their Kindle Create desktop app to format your book. Transparently, I could not get it to work well for me. In theory, it seemed intuitive. But when I uploaded my book and attempted to format it, it was a big ol’ mess.

The alternative was to either shell out $500-$800 for a professional to format my 350-page book — and not know how long it would take while hoping their work would be worth the cost — or figure out how to format it myself.

I’m cheap. And I don’t have that kind of money to throw in the middle of the street. Plus, I knew it would be feasible to learn how to format my book. I’d rather keep my cash and use it to pay someone for something that I knew I couldn’t do — namely, design a great cover. Besides, I like learning to do things for myself.

I also like making things easier for other writers who are going it alone, too. If this is your first time self-publishing or if you’re coming back to it after awhile, it can be difficult and time-consuming to discern which resources are worthwhile when you’re trying to figure it out. So, strap in and I’ll walk you through the process from start to finish. I’ll even throw in a few freebies, including a combination checklist and spreadsheet to take some of the guesswork out of birthing your book.

GET YOUR FREE CHECKLIST

Let’s Get Down to It! Copy Editing Your Book

This part is the biggest pain in the ass. I recommend blocking out time to review your manuscript in smaller chunks. Try editing one chapter (or if your book is a collection) or one story per day. This can ensure you’re not bleary-eyed and making mistakes.

Chances are, you’ve already given your book and/or stories a thorough edit for plot holes, pacing, and characterization. Unless you have the money to pay a professional editor who will read your book and give you meticulous notes, most writers have to learn to self-edit.

When you’re editing your book yourself, the best advice I can offer is to step away from your work for a little while. Come back to it with fresh eyes, when you’re not as emotionally attached to each sentence. This can help you finesse your story and make it more entertaining for your readers.

Once your book has been edited-edited, your final pass before publishing should just involve copy edits. Look for:

• Spelling and grammar errors
• Punctuation
• Rudimentary formatting (The Shunn Manuscript format is a good starting point, with the first sentence of a paragraph indented. Your book likely won’t use double-spaced formatting or Times New Roman fonts, but using the Shunn format can be helpful for getting your manuscript in a good spot before it’s time to format it for print or ebook.)
• Minor tightening of copy, such as editing sentences redundancies or removing any excess words that throw that flow off

If your book is 200+ pages, you’re not going to copy edit it all in one day. Break the process down into chunks. You can use the Stories/Chapters to Edit tab of my free checklist to keep track of your editing progress. You can even jot down the word count for each story or chapter. It’ll automatically tally them up at the bottom.

Side note: If you find any grammatical, punctuation, and/or formatting errors in my book — congratulations! In the grand tradition of Stan Lee, you win a No Prize! Look, I know there’s bound to be missing quotation mark, faulty indent, or some other bungle in there. As much as I’ve tried to format my book perfectly, I’m human. (I think.) I make mistakes. Chances are, when you start formatting your book, you will, too! The world isn’t going to end if your book has a typo.

Choosing Fonts for the Interior of Your Book

Before you start formatting your pages, pick a font for the interior of your book. It’s often recommended that self-published authors avoid commonly-used fonts like Times New Roman or every student’s favorite font, Courier New — beloved for its ability to suck up ample page real estate when you want to crank out a three-page essay fast. While these fonts are familiar and easy on the eyes, they’re too common. You want your book’s interior font to be both legible and give readers a sense of atmosphere that doesn’t feel like thumbing through a newspaper.

Also, the waters for licensing those fonts are a somewhat murky. Play it safe and choose an open source font that’s free for commercial use for the interior of your book. No one wants to find out they may have used a font they didn’t have the proper licensing for and get hit with a fine.

Some good spots to scout for free fonts for commercial use include:

• Google Fonts: This is your biggest and best bet for finding free-for-commercial-use fonts for your book.
• Font Squirrel: I like squirrels even more than I like free stuff. This font repository has both.
• Font Collector: All free. All for commercial use. They have some really fun fonts that could work great for a cover.

I used PT Serif at 11 pt for the interior of my book. It’s a legible serif-style font that has a slightly cozy, slightly goth feel that works for horror and fantasy genres without being difficult to read.

Make sure your cover design also uses fonts that are free for commercial use. (More on that later!)

Making the Hell of Formatting Your Book Less Hellish

Formatting your book print and/or ebook isn’t terribly hard. But it does take some time to do it right. Set aside a few hours one weekend to format your book so you don’t feel crunched for time.

Get Some Trim (We’re Talking About Your Book’s Dimensions!)

Once you’ve completed your copy edits, the first step to formatting your manuscript is determining your book’s dimensions. As the old adage goes: size matters. Amazon KDP gives you a few options for the trim size of your book.

• 5.5″ x 8.5″: Has a smaller, cozier feel.
• 6″ x 9″: This is the most popular size for books.
• 8.5″ x 11″: This is the size of a sheet of printer paper. Unless you’re doing more of a low-content type book (like a prompted journal or coloring book), this might not feel right for a work of fiction or nonfiction.
• Custom trim sizes: Amazon KDP also gives you the option to customize your trim size, as small as 4″ x 6″ or as large as 8.5″ x 11.”

Creating a Layout for Your Book’s Interior Using Microsoft Word

Use the jump link to this section if you want to skip my blathering and just watch the videos that helped me. But if you want to take the long way home, let’s go!

Your trim size will dictate how you’ll set up your interior pages’ layout. I formatted my book using Microsoft Word. I tried (and failed… miserably) at using the Kindle Create desktop app. But don’t let that stop you from trying to use it. You may have better luck!

However, if you’re a quasi-Luddite like me, here are a few tips for formatting your book in Microsoft Word:

• Set up your page size to match the dimensions of your book. For instance, if you have a book that’s 6″ x 9″, your page dimensions will also be 6″ x 9″.
• Adjust your font size and line spacing. Your font size should be legible for readers of all abilities. This involves setting your font at a decent size and ensuring the words aren’t crammed together on the page with the lines too close together. Size can depend on the particular font you use. Some fonts look too big at 12 pt, while others can look perfect at just 10 pt. For example, I set my font (PT Serif) at 11 pt and used Multiple 1.15 line spacing. (Note: Your font size can also play a role in how many pages your book has. If your font is ginormous, it’s going to bump up your page count, which means higher printing costs.)
• Set up margins and gutters. The number of pages your book has will determine the outer margin and inner margin (gutter) of the left and right sides your pages. KDP will be able to give you a recommended number. Because your book’s pages face each other, check the “Mirror Margins” box in your layout menu. (This video covers this topic nicely!)
• Set up top and bottom margins. Leave space at the top and bottom of your pages. This typically ranges from 0.75″ to 1″.
• Create alternating headers and footers for your pages. You know how most books have the book’s title in the top margin on every left-handed page and the author’s name on every right-hand page? That’s the easy part of setting up alternating headers. However, this can be a royal pain in the ass when you want your page numbers in the footer to follow a sequential order. It can take some tinkering to get this right. (Don’t worry. There’s a video below that showed me how to do this so you don’t have to ride the struggle bus, too!)
  • Pro tip: Check that your headers and footers are using your font of choice. Often, Microsoft Word will default your headers, footers, and numbers to Times New Roman. Click on those suckas to make sure that they’re using the right font!
• Add chapter titles using header styles in Word. If your book has a table of contents, applying header styles to your chapter titles is an extremely important step for setting that up. If you’ve written a non-fiction book with chapters or a short story collection, your writers will want to bitch slap you if you don’t give them a table of contents to find what they’re looking for.
• Look for any awkward line breaks or orphaned words. Nothing looks goofier than seeing the last word of a story on its own page. One word, hanging out all by its lonesome on a single page. Whatta waste! Double check your pages and look for any odd breaks or spacing and fix it to avoid this issue.
• Create a table of contents (for both ebook and paperback): Do this last. When creating a table of contents for your ebook, Kindle automatically includes jumplinks to each chapter. (Hence, the importance of adding chapter titles with style headers). You won’t have to worry about any page numbers in  your table of contents matching your book. However, you’ll need to make sure that the table of contents for your printed version matches the page numbers where they actually start in your book.
  • Pro tip: If you decide to go back and make any changes to your copy or add new line breaks, be sure to update your table of contents so your page numbers are correct.

This is just a general overview of the formatting process. Yes. It’s tedious. But learning how to do it can save you some serious cash in the long run!

YouTube Videos & Formatting Resources for Visual Learners

While I’m not usually a visual learner, there are some great tutorials on YouTube that show you how to format your book. It was really helpful to see the process unfold in real-time by people who actually know what they’re doing. Especially because it can be tricky to figure out what menu or path to follow in Word.

• How to Format a Book in Microsoft Word for Amazon KDP Step-by-Step (Sean Dollwet): In under 16 minutes, you’ll learn to format your book for publication, This video walks you through things like mirror margins, applying styles to titles, and more.
• Book Formatting in Word | Page numbers and additional header formatting (T.A. Hernandez): This was extremely helpful for figuring out how to set up alternate headers and footers for pages after struggling with it for over an hour.
• Book Formatting Mistakes Indie Authors Make (Abbie Emmons): I’d stumbled on this one after I’d already formatted my book, but there is some great information and inspiration here.

Don’t Cheap Out On Your Cover

They say you can’t judge a book by it’s cover. While that’s certainly true, it’s also true that a shitty looking cover can turn people off to your book. Sure, you can pump money into an online ad campaign. But if you want to capture the eyes and imaginations of potential readers, the best investment you can make is in a cover that sets your work apart in the best possible light.

If you happen to be a designer and a writer, you’re in luck and just saved yourself some money! However, if you don’t have a knack for the visual arts, you’ve got a few options:

• Use Amazon’s cover creator. This built-in KDP feature lets you make a very basic cover for your book.
• Use your own photos. If you’re a talented photographer, consider using one of your own photos for your cover for a more bespoke look.
• Look to premade covers. There are a number of websites that now offer premade covers that authors can choose from. These are often “one-and-done.” Once you purchase a particular cover design, the artist “retires” the design. This can give you a sharp looking cover that’s unique to your book. However….
  • Read the fine print. If your artist isn’t illustrating your cover themselves, some designers may use stock art or photos in their design. Although you might purchase a cover design, that design composition might not necessarily include licensing rights costs for graphics used to create the finished cover. Always confirm if you need to purchase any licenses for graphics used in the composition of your cover.
• Recruit a professional, independent designer. This isn’t nearly as expensive as you might think and it’s well worth the cost. Shop around for a professional cover designer on sites like Fiverr, Beyhance, or other freelance sites. There are some truly talented artists who understand what will fly for commercial use.

While you might be tempted to slap together a cover design in Canva, read their usage terms carefully to be sure what you create can be used for commercial and print-on-demand purposes. Even if you have a Canva Pro account and pay for monthly access to templates and graphics, you might not be able to use them for commercial purposes, especially if you plan to sell your book in the Amazon KDP marketplace. Plus, rules can change over time. Always read the fine print.

Tips for Recruiting a Professional Cover Designer for Your Book

Your best and safest bet is to recruit an artist. They’ll work with you to create something unique, especially if they illustrate covers by hand and show you a sketch. You can ensure they use open source fonts appropriate for commercial use and you’ll have a design that’s exclusive to your book. Hiring a designer gives you greater creative control and increases the likelihood that your book cover won’t land you in hot water with the distribution gods.

A good cover can cost you anywhere from $100 to even $500 or more. There are some fantastic designers that are worth their weight in gold on Fiverr and other online marketplaces. Some are graphic artists who do digital drawings. Others are old school illustrators who create by hand. And yes, some use AI to assist with their work. (Often, Fiverr artists will disclose that and/or have a disclaimer that gives you the option to tell them you don’t want AI involved in any part of your process.)

Ultimately, it’s up to you, your budget, and what you are comfortable with to stand as a representation of your book. Here are a few tips for choosing a cover artist.

• Browse artist portfolios. See what you like. I recommend looking for artists who have great examples of covers, illustrations, and designs that sit within your particular genre — whether that’s horror, romance, or children’s books. Chances are, if their style vibes with yours, you’ll both enjoy the collaboration process and increase the odds of coming up with something really cool.
  • Pro tip: Your book will need to have a title and jacket copy for the back of your book. So, look for an artist who is knowledgeable about open source fonts can be used for commercial purposes without messy licensing issues.
• Make a shortlist of artists. Narrow the field to a few designers whose work you enjoy. Use the “Book Covers” tab on the free checklist to keep track of URLs of their portfolios and contact info. This can help you weigh your options before you decide to contact an artist.
• Share a Pinterest inspiration board. Designers and illustrators are talented. But they’re not mind-readers! When it’s time to reach out to an artist and fill out a creative brief, give them some visual examples of styles and themes that you’d like to see incorporated into your cover design. This makes their job easier and gives you common ground to start from. (Need some ideas? This was the Pinterest inspiration board I put together and shared with my designer. Yes, there’s definitely a very specific aesthetic here!)
• Share dimensions for your cover and any specifications you’ll need with your artist. When you upload your manuscript to KDP, they’ll give you dimensions for your book cover, including bleed area and the size of the spine. The “bleed area” makes sure that your text and graphics don’t get cut off or appear all cattywampus when the cover is printed. Download or screenshot the dimensions template that Amazon KDP shares with you and pass that along to your designer.
  • Your paperback cover will need to be a single PDF file containing the front, back, and spine as one image. It should be designed to have a bleed with a 300 DPI minimum resolution. Ask your designer for a “print-ready PDF file.” They’ll know what you mean! That also ensures any fonts used are embedded in the PDF and appear properly. 
  • Your ebook cover specs are a little different. Ebooks don’t require a back cover or spine, so they’ll typically just be a standard 6″ x 9″ (or whatever your dimensions are). Your ebook cover will need to be either a high-resolution JPEG or TIFF file. 
• Confirm that your cover artist is using fonts that are free for commercial use. Unless your artist is hand-lettering your cover, any fonts used in your design should be free for commercial use. Confirm which fonts they’re using to make sure you’re in the clear. In most cases, your artist will be happy to share the Zip file with you.

Extra Bells and Whistles For Self-Publishing

Well, damn! That was a giant info dump! I hope these tips give you a solid springboard to start formatting your next book and get it all prettied up for self-publishing.

If you want some added tips, make a copy of my Free Checklist and you’ll find info on:

• Marketing your book on social media
• Purchasing ISBN numbers
• Getting a Library of Congress Control Number (LCCN). (It makes you feel oh-so-legit!)
• Copyrighting your work
• Creating a copyright page that includes your ISBN and LCCN numbers, cover artist credit, and mentioning where any of the contents of your book were previously published
• Keeping track of all of the moving parts involved with self-publishing your book

If you’re going the self-publishing route, I wish you good luck on your journey. The world needs more unique stories that buck trends and spark imagination. If you have any questions about the process, found this post helpful, or have any other tips you want to share, I’d love to hear from ya in the comments below! (And please share the name of your book and where I can check it out, too!)

In any case, here’s to doing it yourself and getting your work out there!

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• Header photo of typewriter and desk by Min An.
• Cover art for Mostly Nice Monsters by Jorge Iracheta.
• Gratuitous squirrel photo by Lana Cooper (Author’s own.)