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Briefly Perfectly Human by Alua Arthur

Five Wishes

Long story short, I am 45 and just had a mini stroke (TIA). I don’t know what’s next but I’m thankful for my people caring for me and for feeling “normal” at home.
I’m going to work on writing out the whole story tomorrow so that I can have a record of my experience at the hospital and with all the possible symptoms leading up to this.

Thanks in advance for your prayers and encouragement.

In 2017, I purchased a curriculum that included the second half of an intro to American History starting with slavery. We had already completed the first half of U.S. History through the same curriculum company the previous year. 

That year, I pushed through and found myself having to supplement with other materials, because there was just not enough focus on the plight of Native American nations who were undergoing genocide while the white settlers argued about who was a witch. I don’t know if you can relate, but I was growing weary of all of the stories (even the historical fiction) told from the perspective of the white settlers, never truly stopping to consider the perspective of the displaced. It felt like nearly every encounter with a Native American was told from the perspective of the colonizer. In some books, Native Americans and enslaved Africans weren’t even mentioned— as if they didn’t exist or factor into the story. There was even a tone of nostalgia for a simpler time and more wholesome way of life—ignoring what I knew to be true about how others were experiencing this time period.

Still, I purchased the next set of books for U.S. History, part 2, because I couldn’t find a better alternative. But from the minute I began glancing through what I had just purchased, I could tell there would be a lot of supplementing and replacing of books and other activities. I refused, for example, to encourage my kids to learn the assigned songs of Americana, like Dixie and Cotton Needs Pickin’. 

And then, if that wasn’t enough, some of the things written in the assigned text made me want to scream. For example, the textbook was written from the perspective that God established the U.S. government “based on God’s word,” that despite requiring the genocide of Native people, “God expanded her borders from one sea to another.” I couldn’t stomach it. I was not going to be tortured like this all school year or expose my kids to this skewed worldview and constantly have to reframe and reteach the material. Homeschooling gave me the freedom and power to tell the truth about history and I was going to step into that freedom. Even if it meant a lot of extra work and money spent buying additional books. And even if it meant I would have to write out my own curriculum (something I said I would never do).

This guide is the pretty version of what I did that year — figuring out my own way to navigate U.S. History with my kids. And it’s now selling at wokehomeschooling.com.

• I’m done with conferences, conversations, feeds, books, magazines and podcasts where I feel like I’m eavesdropping. If you’re not talking to me, I’m out.
• Where are the Christian spaces where there is an awareness, lament, acknowledgment of the world burning around us, coupled with confession for our complicity in it?
• People who do videos while driving make me so nervous. I’m so distracted by this dangerous multi-tasking that I can’t focus on what they’re saying. I’m watching the traffic, ’cause clearly, THEY ARE NOT.
• Is it wise to rescue people from a flooding house and put them in a house with lead in the pipes and asbestos in the air?
• I wish I could be a professional brainstormer. Professional, as in… it’s enough to pay bills. It’s really my favorite thing to do in life.

THINGS

This butterfly garden was a hit. We loved watching the caterpillars grow, cocoon and develop into butterflies. Letting them free was also wonderful. Be free, butterfly!

My bookclub, BE Bookclub, read If Beale Street Could Talk for our June discussion. It is breathtaking. It’s also hard to find a stopping place because there are no breaks (chapters, squiggly lines, headings). James Baldwin is every bit of a genius and prophet as people say he is. Get this book! The movie is a different experience altogether.

InstantPot, affectionally called “Instapot”

The #1 item I recommend to friends is the InstantPot. My kids have learned to cook with it. I use it at least 4 times a week. In fact, we have two of them. When my rice-cooker died, I replaced it with an IP. You can make rice, delicious stews and soups, chili, potatoes, boiled eggs, mac & cheese, beans, chicken, ground beef (hello, sloppy joes!)…even deliciously perfect cheesecake. Get one or two. (I have 2 6-quarts, but there are smaller ones, larger ones and even one model you can program from your phone.

Drink tea every day

I don’t use microwaves (99% of the time) and haven’t for more than 10 years. But that’s another story for another day. I love tea though and I would rather not burn down my house because I left the water boil to nothing….’cause it took too long on the stove and I got distracted, blah, blah blah. This electric tea kettle is what I use to get the temperature just right (180 degrees) for a perfect brew of loose leaf tea. It’s perfect. It’s fast and has lasted more than 4 years.

Drink your vegetables

When my refurbished Vitamix gave up the ghost after 13 years (it had a great run!), it was too expensive to replace. So after getting convinced by various YouTubers that the Blentec was just as good, we bought it and we love it. It is much lighter than the Vitamix—the base isn’t 10 lbs! The Vitamix feels like a machine. The Blentec is more like a kitchen appliance. Both of them do the exact same work, though. The smoothies from the Blendec are a little creamier and smoother for some reason. Maybe because I don’t have to guess when it’s done. The presets are life.

Other things

• This webcam is wonderful. Clean, crisp image and it has a privacy cover. I couldn’t stand the grainy picture from my laptop anymore.
• This Wi-Fi card works great for cameras when you’re traveling overseas and don’t have ready wi-fi access to upload and share your photos.

I grew up in a Sabbatarian religion where we practiced Sabbath observance as a matter of law. My religious community was conscious of the minute that the sun set on a Friday evening. We made sure that moment didn’t catch us still at work or at the grocery store. It was expected that we would make every effort to ensure we were adequately prepared to rest from physical labors. Our homes and cars were cleaned, errands were run, and food was prepared. Some ironed their dress clothes for church the next day. As a child, I remember getting Vaseline and a paper towel and shining my black patent leather church shoes. When the sun set, we “welcomed in the Sabbath” with worship—songs, Scripture, and prayer—marking the beginning….

Christianity Today

Read the rest here.

A year later, Sabina still hadn’t made her decision, but in the year since her grandmother’s death, she met a young man, Paul, for whom she was smitten. She shared her past with him and of course, told him all about the ring and what it meant to her.

“You never, ever take it off?” he asked, perplexed.

“Never!”

“Not even in the shower?”

“Nope!”

“What about when you’re playing the piano?”

“Nope, I still wear it then too. I just make sure it is not in my way. But it’s always on. My grandmother left very specific instructions when she gave it to me. She said to remember to always wear it and never take it off.”

He just shook his head. What kind of crazy grandmother was this, he wondered silently.

“What about when you get a manicure?”

“Oh, Paul, let’s not be so legalistic about it. Everyone knows you have to remove your jewelry for a manicure.”

So Paul did not expect what would happen the day he proposed. He had a special hand-crafted 3 karat diamond ring made especially for his beloved Sabina, that he bought on credit. He planned a romantic and exciting evening out on the town but when he got down on one knee and proposed and Sabina said yes (through tears), he expected to slip her ring right on…but when he did, he crashed right into the Bee ring.

“Um, can you take that off and put it on your other hand,” he whispered…not wanting to be embarrassed since there were several people witnessing the special moment.

“Paul, you know I can’t do that.”

He let it go that night, but the next day, he had to bring it up. Sabina, now you’re being unreasonable. Your grandmother said that you could take the ring off, Sabina. She wanted you to live, to marry, to put the ring in its proper perspective. Isn’t that what the final letter said?”

Yes, Paul, but she thought the ring had become a burden to me. It is not a burden. I love this ring and everything it symbolizes. I’m choosing not to take it off.

“Can’t you just wear it on your other hand?”

“No! This is the finger that she put it on and this is where she wanted it. I am not going to dishonor my grandmother for you or anyone else. I didn’t take the ring off for my auditions, to get ahead in my career and I am not going to take it off for you. I love you, but…” her voice trailed. “Paul, in her last letter to me, my grandmother specifically said, ‘if you love me, make sure this ring always stays in its special place.’”

Paul decided not to push it and convinced himself that it was okay for his engagement ring to share a finger with the Bee ring.

Even though they struggled financially, the first few years of their marriage (to some degree due to the expensive ring that he bought on credit), Sabina never considered taking off her ring in order to tap into the inheritance that Grammy B had left for her. Paul never knew about the stipulations in the will and she hoped he would never find out.

“God will provide,” she reasoned. “He will honor my commitment to my grandmother’s wishes.”

After reflecting on this allegory, comment below with answers to these questions.

• How would you describe Sabina?
• How would you describe her grandmother? Do you think she changed her mind about the significance of the ring?
• Do you think Sabina would have dishonored her grandmother by taking off the ring and putting it in a safe place? Would she have felt guilty for trading an inheritance for the ring?
• Do you think the trade was a test of loyalty to her grandmother, and her grandmother really did not want her to take off the ring?
• Would you consider Sabina an honorable person?
• What do you think? Is Sabina most loyal to:
  • her grandmother
  • her own identity
  • the love symbolized by the ring
  • to the ring itself

Dearest Sabina,

I’ve loved you since before you were born. You are my special treasure.

Now that I am gone, I want you to do me one favor. Live!

I want you to take the next steps in your life and not feel limited by our special ring. It was a beautiful thing that we shared, but now it’s time to move on. I want you to enjoy more. I want you to enjoy and invest the inheritance that I’m leaving you. It will allow you to pursue your dreams, uninhibited by money. Live the life God planned for you. Serve others. Take care of your parents. Marry. Have kids. Live!

Please, Sabina, put the ring away for safe keeping. Think of me whenever you look at it, but don’t feel like you need to wear it every day or never take it off. Let this be a new stage of our relationship, where you treasure the memories that we shared more than the ring. Trust me on this, Sabina. If you truly love me, do as I say. Take the ring off and put it in a special place.

The ring was a symbol of our relationship. Our relationship, our bond, is not broken if you take the ring off. I promise. Keep it in perspective and don’t let it overshadow the love I have for you. Please, by all means, don’t let your life revolve around the ring or be defined by it.

Sabina finished reading the letter and was speechless. She didn’t know what to even think. Was this a forgery? Would Grammy B really have written these things? Who would be so cruel as to pull a prank like this 3 days after her death? How could Grammy B go back on her initial instructions 10 years prior, to never take the ring off?

She was convinced that there must have been something she was misunderstanding. How could Grammy B go back on her word so drastically? Never means never and she never wanted me to take the ring off, Sabina was convinced.

At the funeral, Sabina spoke about her grandmother and of course, included the story of the special ring (omitting the part about the letter, of course). In fact, this cemented Sabina’s commitment to wearing the ring. She was determined that everyone she met from now on, would know the story of the ring and the love she had for her precious Grammy B.

Weeks after her grandmother’s funeral, Sabina and the family had a meeting with her lawyers regarding the estate. Each of them read their copy of the will in silence. There was money and property left for her parents and for her adopted brother. Sabina began to weep when she got to the part about her inheritance.

There was a special clause that her grandmother had inserted just months before her death. It said that in order for Sabina to claim her full inheritance, she had to hand over the ring to the executor of the estate for safekeeping in a safe deposit box. She could come to get the ring any time, but could not have it in her possession for more than 3 weeks at a time.

Sabina was confused. What should she do? Maybe the letter was real? Should she do what the letter said and what the will stipulated? Or should she go on what she knew and heard her grandmother say 10 years ago. After all, she’d heard that with her own ears! It was something she knew for certain. She didn’t understand how her grandmother wasn’t banning the use of the ring, yet didn’t want her to wear it at all times. Was the ring good or bad? She was a bright girl, but this confused her. She didn’t know what to do.

The will didn’t stipulate when Sabina had to make her decision, so she decided to wait. But time only increased her love and commitment to the ring. She missed her grandmother so much, and that ring brought her solace and peace. Looking at It was the only way she could rest her mind. How could she give it up? She loved it!

A year later, Sabina still hadn’t made her decision, but in the year since her grandmother’s death, she met a young man, Paul,…

Stay tuned for the final installment.

…Continued.

One day, she couldn’t stand the guilt any longer. She didn’t want her grandmother to just find out, so she told her how she had to remove the ring when she was in her lesson and when she was performing.

It was then that Grammy B began to get a clue of the burden that this ring had been to her granddaughter all of these years. “Sabina, honey. I am not upset with you. I know you love me. You should not feel bad about taking the ring off at all. I completely understand.”

“Yes, Grammy B, but I want you to know that I still love you and I feel so bad. I know you told me to never take it off.”

“Sabina, I never intended it to burden you like this. Look at you, you’re an emotional wreck. All because of the ring?”

All through dinner, Grammy B tried to reassure Sabina that the ring was never intended to shackle her like that.

“Give yourself the freedom to wear other jewelry too, Sabina, seriously!”

“Grammy, I do wear other jewelry and even other rings. I have 10 other fingers, you know. It’s not like you were asking for too much when you told me to never take it off.”

Grammy B just shook her head and looked lovingly into Sabina’s eyes. She couldn’t help but feel sadness, even though Sabina was trying to reassure her.

“I’ll never ever take this ring off, Grammy!”

Grammy B sighed, almost regretting that she’d even given her the ring in the first place.

Sabina’s confession seemed to renew her commitment to never take the ring off again. She found ways to tape down the charm so it wouldn’t be restricting and clanking and her professor gave up the fight.

One day, Grammy B died. Sabina was crushed. She spent the whole evening staring at the ring and twirling the charm with her finger. She’d never felt emptiness like this before. Three days later, she was still in a fog but was so glad to find out that Grammy B had left a special letter for her.

Stay tuned to find out what the letter says, in Part 3.

When Sabina was born, her grandmother was smitten. For several months, Grammy B (as she decided she wanted to be called) had been anticipating the birth of her first granddaughter. Just minutes after she arrived into the world, she held her close and promised her the world.

At her naming ceremony, a few days after Sabine’s birth, Grammy made a heartfelt dedication to her 7-day old granddaughter. She shared her hopes and dreams for her future and gave her parents a special ring that she’d had made just for her. “This ring is a symbol of the love I have for my granddaughter Sabina. May she always know how much her Grammy B loves her.”

Her parents promised to give the ring to Sabina on her 12th birthday. Even before then, though, Sabina always knew of the ring. She wasn’t allowed to play with it, but sometimes her mom would take it down from its place of safekeeping and show it to her.

It was a unique ring with a brass bee charm dangling from a sterling silver band with beautiful scroll detail.

Grammy B was active in Sabina’s life. She would take her to museums and special brunches. Sabina would spend weekends with her when her parents were out of town.

Grammy B was also active in the community. She was the widow of a man who had been a popular and prominent politician. She was known for her wonderful philanthropy that funded for charities that did extraordinary, even miraculous, medical work.

Finally, the much anticipated 12th birthday arrived Her mother threw a fabulous Bee-themed bash, complete with a cake in the shape of a beehive, honey buns and yellow and black decor. It was fabulous! Grammy B presented Sabina with the ring and placed it on her ring finger in dramatic fashion. The guests hushed as Grammy B began to speak. “Every time you see this ring, dear Sabina, remember the bond that we share. Don’t ever lose it. Don’t ever take it off. Grammy B loves you.” Then Grammy B gave Sabina a big hug. Some guests clapped enthusiastically, others wiped their tears. Everyone knew that Sabina and Grammy B had a special relationship.

Sabina carefully followed Grammy B’s instructions because she loved her and she especially loved her beautiful ring. She was certain it would become a family heirloom. It soon became part of Sabina’s very identity.

All of Sabina’s friends knew about the special ring and the special bond that Sabina and Grammy B shared. Sabina felt special to have such a special, tangible gift between her and her special Grammy B. In fact, she felt sorry for people who claimed to have love their grandmothers, but had no ring. The ring, for Sabina, was more than just a symbol of love. It was love itself.

When Sabina was 15, he mother received a promotion that caused her and her parents to move out of state. Because of the distance between them, her relationship with Grammy B grew distant. She still loved her very much, but they were not able to have their weekly dates like they used to. Things were not like they used to be. Grammy B would call to talk to Sabina on the phone, but Sabina would tell her, “Grammy, I love you, but I have my friend on the other line, can I call you back?” Of course, she would forget and Grammy and Sabina would go weeks without catching up.

When Grammy B would come for visits, Sabina was excited at first. The first thing she would do was show Grammy that she was still faithfully wearing the ring. They would chat and catch up, but Sabina was a busy girl with lots of plans and Grammy B found that she wasn’t able to spend as much time with her precious granddaughter as she wanted.  Sabina was out at the mall with her friends or busy with extracurricular activities or with her new boyfriend. Even though Grammy B understood that Sabina was growing up, their distance made her sad. Even though Sabina felt the distance too, every time she looked down at her ring, she felt that all was well.

In her senior year, life changed dramatically when her parents decided to seriously start pursuing an international adoption. Sabina was sure that her parents were trying to replace her, but they assured her that this was something they had always wanted to do, and with Sabina off to college in a year, they finally had the extra time and space to do it.

Soon Sabina graduated and started college in a city near her grandmother’s home. Grammy B was so excited that she was going to be able to see her beloved granddaughter more often. And in fact, she did. Sabina would spend about one weekend a month with Grammy B and it seemed like their relationship was rekindled. Sabina really learned to appreciate the love and wisdom that her grandmother freely shared. It was Sabina who first began to notice that her grandmother was slowing down and getting older. She had lots of doctors appointments and was often sick. Sabina knew that she didn’t have much time left with her special Grammy B.

There was one thing that Sabina hoped her grandmother would never find out.

Sabina was a music major who dreamed of becoming a world-famous concert pianist. She studied under an accomplished musician with lots of connections and opportunities. He saw special potential in Sabina and wanted to hone her talent. He had one rule though, during her weekly class with him,  she had to remove what he called “that blasted ring!”

Turns out the Bee charm on the ring would clank against the keys and make a horrible distracting noise while Sabina played. Sabina always felt guilty about taking the ring off during her 2-hour lesson. She would promptly put it back on the minute the class was finished. What would she do if her grandmother ever came to listen to her play in concert? Was she betraying her grandmother in order to further her career?

One day, she couldn’t stand the guilt any longer. She didn’t want her grandmother to find out by accident, so she told her how she had to remove the ring…

Stay tuned. Part 2 will be posted tomorrow.