demonbaby miniblog!

Links for 2008-09-16 [del.icio.us]

2008-09-17T00:00:00-05:00

Goon City

Links for 2008-07-29 [del.icio.us]

2008-07-30T00:00:00-05:00

Mr. Belding partying in Vegas
I normally detest celebrity photos and everything TMZ represents, but this one is jus too good. Mr. Belding... partying with strippers in Vegas. Utterly absurd. And awesome.

Links for 2008-07-25 [del.icio.us]

2008-07-26T00:00:00-05:00

Dino Run! Outrun extinction!
Fun little game with great simple 8-bit graphics.

The Dark Knight and WALL-E are the Yin and Yang of the year's best movies

2008-07-24T00:06:00.000-07:00

You don't really need another person telling you how great The Dark Knight is, but I felt obliged to chime in, since, like everyone else, I enjoyed it so damned much. A dark, epic, gorgeously crafted masterpiece. It's a complex crime thriller that doesn't pander, and never for one moment feels like a "comic book movie," although it's probably the best "comic book movie" ever made. And yes, Heath Ledger is fucking fantastic as the Joker (although Nicholson's will always hold a special place in my heart). Be sure to see it in IMAX if you haven't yet - they actually filmed a good chunk of the movie in IMAX, and it looks stunning (for those who don't know, usually when you see Hollywood movies at the IMAX theatre, they're just blowing up the 35mm print, and it ends up looking blurry - real IMAX film is 70mm, and the extra clarity and detail make a tremendous difference).

On the complete opposite side of the spectrum though, make sure you don't miss WALL-E. I have a long-standing affection for Pixar, and regularly praise them as some of the smartest storytellers of our generation. Pixar's films defy conventions by ignoring the frantic pacing, slapstick comedy, and disposable pop culture references that plague most modern animated features. They are timeless pieces of art, stories existing in their own realities, patched together from a sort of communal (American) experience that everyone can relate to. They reference icons and aesthetics that are familiar to all, and will likely never grow old. They defy the conventional ways that mass media tries to reach children, avoiding fads of the moment in favor of classic artistry. No other filmmakers respect the intelligence of a family audience like Pixar does, and the results speak for themselves. Who else could pull off a post-apocalyptic science fiction romantic comedy staring mute robots and inspired by Charlie Chaplin's silent films? That's pretty much exactly what WALL-E is, and it's brilliant. Funny, endearing, timeless and timely, with some strangely pointed and hilarious social commentary at its core. It's also one of the most beautiful-looking films I've ever seen. The level of artistry on display is beyond anything else that's being done in the movies right now. It's interesting, actually - WALL-E is an example of the very best of what computer graphics have contributed to art, and The Dark Knight is one of the best recent examples of how much better a live action film can be for avoiding computer graphics. Spielberg and Lucas, take note: if you want a building to blow up in your movie, tell ILM to take the day off and go blow up a fucking building. That's how Chris Nolan rolls.

P.S. - Here is a nice high-quality stream of Presto, the new Pixar short that plays before WALL-E. I love the homage to classic Friz Freleng Looney Toons physical comedy. And while I'm at it, if you've somehow been living under a rock and have never given Pixar movies a chance, or have mistakenly confused them for disposable kiddy nonsense like Ice Age and Madagascar and Shrek 3... Do yourself a favor and dive into Toy Story, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, and Ratatouille. Pay attention to not only the stunning level of detail and artistry, but the wealth of art and design influence, and the lack of cheap pop culture references which, like the classic Disney animated films of yesteryear, ensure they will be just as enjoyable many decades from now. And while you're at it, check out the amazing and under-appreciated masterpiece The Iron Giant - probably the last great traditionally-animated film ever made, and helmed by Brad Bird, who later went on to do The Incredibles and Ratatouille.

P.P.S. - Speaking of Pixar, the new "4-D" Toy Story ride at Disneyland - er, California Adventure - is fucking awesome. It's really well made and incredibly fun - worth admission to the park just for that. I have Disneyland season passes so I'm definitely going back to try and beat my high score.

P.P.P.S. - Is anyone excited for the X-Files movie on Friday? As much as I love the show, I can't help but worry this movie is going to feel as soulless and unnecessary as a certain other recent franchise resurrection. Hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised.

iPhone apps are way more fun than they probably should be

2008-07-10T22:00:00.001-07:00

It's taken quite a while, but as of today, the iPhone has finally lived up to its true potential and become the JesusPhone. I'm not even talking about the new iPhone 3G (although I can't wait to get one), I'm talking about the 2.0 software out today for all iPhones which unlocks the long-awaited App Store and its treasure chest of awesome. I got it running earlier today and have been installing apps and games like crazy. In a matter of hours my little phone has turned from a great communications device into the most useful thing I could ever hope to have in my pocket (I think there's an opportunity for a sexual innuendo here, but I don't have the energy right now).

Aside from the expected (and useful) clients for AIM, Facebook, Twitter, eBay, MySpace, Flickr, and other services, and great games like Super Monkey Ball, there are fantastic free weather and news applications, a sexy remote iTunes controller, mobile Pandora radio, and a shitload more. "Save Benjis" will search for the lowest prices on products - a handy reference if you're out at a store wondering if you can get something cheaper online. "Shazam" will listen to the ambient sound around you and identify whatever song is playing - I tested it in the grocery store and it worked like a charm! The "Midomi" app will do the same thing with songs you hum into the phone. "Box Office" is an incredibly useful app for movie reviews/showtimes/tickets, IGN's video game review app is handy if you're out browsing for some new games, and "Band" turns your iPhone into a full-featured recording studio. The list goes on and on, but as a frequent traveler, what has me the most excited is the huge variety of great travel tools, like a location-enabled Yelp client that will tell you the best restaurants, bars, and other services close to your current location. The "Urbanspoon" app takes a quirkier approach, giving you random nearby restaurant suggestions when you shake the phone. There's also geo-tagging for your photos, and location-aware social networks. If you've been on the fence about getting an iPhone, now is definitely the time.

Oh, and the best part of all is that Apple clearly hasn't been shy about letting pretty much anyone develop iPhone software, resulting in some absurdly useless/awesome free apps, like "PhoneSaber," which turns your iPhone into a lightsaber. Well, okay, it shows a picture of a lightsaber and makes sound effects when you swing the phone around. That's literally all it does. Even more bizarre is "World 9," an extremely Japanese app which serves but one simple purpose: When you jump, it makes the jumping sound from Super Mario Bros. Pointless and brilliant. I'm going to make a Demonbaby.com Procrastination Status Report app that simply displays the number of days since the last update to the main blog. It'll be a huge hit.

Links for 2008-07-10 [del.icio.us]

2008-07-11T00:00:00-05:00

Ultimate Douchebag Photo Thread
This is really old, but I recently re-found it. 80+ pages of awe-inspiring douchebaggery.

Links for 2008-07-08 [del.icio.us]

2008-07-09T00:00:00-05:00

10 Reasons Why You Should Never Buy Diamonds
Sorry women (okay, men too), but it's time to stop with this stupid desire for diamond engagement/wedding rings. It's not some time-honored tradition, it's a marketing gimmick, and on top of that the diamond industry is the source of countless human righ

Links for 2008-06-30 [del.icio.us]

2008-07-01T00:00:00-05:00

Mio Knight Rider GPS has voice of KITT Inside
Your very own K.I.T.T. guiding you around town. So awesome.
Fun-hating Japanese hacker makes his friend play through torturous custom Mario level
This is a video of some Japanese dude's retardedly difficult Super Mario World hack, as his friend attempts to play through it. Hardcore video game nerds will enjoy the evil genius level design on display here (that one invisible coin block is just CRUEL

Spore + Immaturity = Booby Monsters

2008-06-30T16:34:00.000-07:00

If you aren't playing with it already, the Spore Creature Creator is a remarkably brilliant, strangely addictive little toy for building highly-customizable 3D creatures. It's the first tiny little part of Spore, the giant universe-building game from the creator of The Sims coming out later this year. The Creature Creator is amazingly intuitive - literally anyone could sit in front of it for a couple minutes and come away with a unique creature that will walk and groan and dance no matter how many limbs, heads, or eyes it has (or doesn't have). Everything is done with simple dragging and dropping. If you give the creature a dozen legs, it will walk like a caterpillar. Don't give it any legs, and it will squirm like a snake. Just one leg? It'll hop. And on and on, resulting in well over a million completely unique creatures being created by players so far. You can download a free trial version for Mac or PC, but it has very few parts to work with, so if you enjoy it even a little it's worth throwing down ten bucks for the full version.

Someone from EA was kind enough to send me an early copy to mess around with a couple weeks ago, and although I haven't really had the time to flesh out any insanely cool creatures, it's become my go-to time waster, taking five minute creature breaks here and there and seeing what I can come up with. You can download some of the ones I've made so far here, including a lovable mascot for this site, Demonbaby.

Naturally, when given a new creative tool, the first thing any reasonable person must do is investigate its opportunities for immaturity and vulgarity, and promptly exploit them. In the case of Spore, the opportunities are tremendous, and of course the first thing I did was create a giant penis monster. So did everyone else on the internet, so penis monsters lost their appeal pretty quickly. Next up on the immaturity checklist was finding creative uses for the creature parts that look suspiciously like nipples and buttholes (the buttholes even spew purple gas clouds!!). Among other things, I made a big fat naked woman with giant floppy breasts and an angry butthole, and named her Helga - click the thumbnail to see her in all her beauty:

I guess I was supposed to warn you that the picture is NSFW, but this website is apparently blocked by most corporate firewalls anyway, because it's apparently "tasteless," although I can't imagine how anyone ever came to that conclusion. Anyway, here's a video of Helga's pendulous boobs flopping around as she dances:

Unfortunately I couldn't make her fart in the movie, but trust me, she does it spectacularly. So, quite pleased with myself, I proudly submitted Helga to my Spore profile, predicting rave reviews. Within minutes, however, I was informed that I'd been reported, and poor Helga had been removed for violating some sort of terms that bar nudity from the site. For a game about biology and evolution, I find it amusing that nipples and buttholes, supplied in the game, are fair game to put on any kind of creature you'd like, unless that creature starts to resemble a human, in which case nipples and buttholes are a big no-no. Can't let innocent children discover the horrible truth about the basic functions of every human body! Anyway, in protest I created a creature made up entirely of huge jiggling boobies - The Hideous Booby Monster:

Strangely, this creature was removed from the site even faster than the first. I guess it and Helga will be resigned to live on in the seedy Spore underbelly of farting penis monsters and naked booby creatures. ...I wonder if I'm ever going to grow up?
If you have the Creature Creator, you can download Helga here and The Hideous Booby Monster here.

Oh, and EA also invited me to take part in an odd website called Sporevote, where people vote on creatures made by C-list celebrities and obscure internet personalities. They were a little late getting me the software, so I was never really properly listed on the site and my profile is still sans creature - but hell, go and vote for me anyway, on the blind faith that my creature would be cooler than MC Hammer's. At the moment you can find me in the "More Spore" category, and you can vote as maaaaannny times as you want.

And please, if you have any cool Spore creatures - especially of the vulgar, grotesque, or eye-rollingly immature variety - post them in the comments.

Links for 2008-06-26 [del.icio.us]

2008-06-27T00:00:00-05:00

Tattoo Fail
The attempted anti-establishment message only makes this funnier.

RIP George Carlin

2008-06-24T02:10:00.000-07:00

Every time a celebrity dies, Americans seem to get all faux-sentimental, as if it's some great tragedy that one of our plastic idols has been unjustly taken from us. But usually it's not sad, it's not a tragedy - because in most cases celebrities are just shitty people who happen to be on television, and there's no reason to mourn their deaths any more than the thousands of other non-televised people who died that day. Like, remember how everyone got all pouty when Heath Ledger died, pretending like they really gave a fuck about him up until he keeled over? Dude was a great actor, sure, and he's going to make a hell of a Joker, but really, so the fuck what? Did you know him? Did he really have any personal impact on your life? Plenty of talented, interesting people die every minute of far more tragic circumstances than popping enough pills to kill a horse, and you certainly didn't mourn their deaths. This guy was good in Brokeback Mountain so now you're gonna get all worked up about it? Please. People just like having shit to pretend to care about.

Anyway, all this is to say that every once in a while we have the very rare occasion where a really remarkable person dies who just happens to also be a celebrity. George Carlin was one of those people. A brilliant comedian and social commentator, his humor and his philosophy and his ideas were much-needed beacons of well-phrased common sense in a fucked up world, and he only seemed to get better with age. When someone like him dies before his time, we've lost a lot more than a good performance in some upcoming movie. If you're not specifically familiar with Carlin's material, I'm confident you'd enjoy his recent counter-culture monologues, since this blog pretty much just rips them off. Among my favorites are this one about who really controls America, and this one about rights, specifically you not having any. This page has a collection of some of his other classics, like The Ten Commandments and "religion is bullshit". I also like this interview clip where he bums out a cheery morning news show by proclaiming that America is "circling the drain." It's a shame America outlived you, George...

There are a lot of attractive people in the world, a lot of talented people, and a lot of loud people who love to draw attention to themselves. There are, however, a very precious few who see the world both as it is and as it should be, and aren't afraid to talk about it. Those people should be celebrated.

Indiana... Huckabee?

2008-05-30T09:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Hasbro... Given that you've been sculpting Harrison Ford's face onto cheap Han Solo action figures for somewhere in the neighborhood of thirty years now, you'd think you could come up with something that looks ever *remotely* like Indiana Jones for your new Raiders Of The Lost Ark action figure. It's not a bad figure, and it looks fine from a distance, but upon closer inspection, why does Indy's face bear a striking resemblance to batshit-crazy former Presidential candidate and douchebag extraordinaire Mike Huckabee? To emphasize my point, please see this comparison photo where I have poorly Photoshopped a fedora onto Mike Huckabee's head:

Worst of all, this figure isn't meant to be 60 year old Indiana Jowls from the new movie, it's meant to be absurdly-good-looking 40 year old Indy from Raiders.

I wonder how many Indiana Jones related posts I can make in a row, while still not updating the main blog?

Mighty Muggs: Cutest. Toys. Ever.

2008-05-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

I'm a sucker for toys, but I haven't really bought many lately, mostly because I'm running out of places to put the fuckers. However, I couldn't resist ordering another batch of Hasbro's absurdly adorable geek chic Mighty Muggs figures. Sort of affordable vinyl toys for the masses, the line puts its sharply-designed, anime-influenced stamp on a range of popular characters. I already have Darth Vader, Boba Fett, and a storm trooper from the Star Wars line - their sturdy, striking design and perfect size (about 6" tall) makes them great little desk ornaments - they even have movable heads and limbs and fun accessories. Today I finally broke down and ordered Spidey, Venom, Wolverine, and The Hulk from the Marvel line (Iron Man is pretty rad as well).

Some of the likenesses are genius - Lando Calrissian's big stupid grin cracks me up every time. But the one they really nailed is Harrison Ford's trademark smirk in the Indiana Jones Mighty Muggs coming out in July. It suddenly seems that there is nothing I desire more than the Mola Ram figure:

He's holding a human heart!!

I wish they had one of these for Batman, but it seems that DC has taken its own strange path into vinyl toys, releasing this absolutely hideous Batman figure.

P.S. - On the subject of Indy toys, can you really live without two of your childhood icons finally combining? I know I couldn't resist.

Indy: Round 2

2008-05-24T20:21:00.000-07:00

SPOILERS BELOW!

So I saw Indy again. I saw it with a more enthusiastic Friday crowd (none of whom were donning fedoras), and a friend seeing it for the first time who genuinely enjoyed it. And you know what? I definitely liked it better the second time around. If you were bummed out or disappointed after seeing it, try to catch it again soon, and you'll find that now that you know what to expect, you're less distracted by the awkward moments and can get lost in it a bit more (read my initial reactions here if you haven't yet).

My friend who I saw it with was smiling and laughing throughout, and told me after that of course it wasn't a perfect film, but it was fun, and it had the spirit of the old movies, and that was the most he could have hoped for, given what's been passing for action/adventure movies in recent years. My friend hadn't seen the old Indy movies recently, and was just enjoying this one for what it was, measuring it against films of today rather than the previous three Indy classics. And it's true: Just by virtue of it being Indiana Jones, it has a spirit of adventure and a glorious detachment from reality, from cynicism, and from pop culture that simply doesn't exist in movies anymore. In retrospect, watching the old movies right before seeing this one was probably a bad idea on my part, but I don't think it's unreasonable to hold it up to the high standards set by its predecessors - especially after two decades in the making.

I actually fully support the extraterrestrial plotline (although I strongly object to the last-minute appearance of a ridiculous CGI alien), and I've come to think the first half of the movie is very good and in perfect company with the three previous films (minus the still-terrible fridge incident), but after Marion shows up the movie still loses me. Nothing against Marion, but she would have been more effective as a cameo, and after she comes aboard the rest of the movie is five people - most of whom I've been given no reason to care about - just kind of riding a roller coaster: Coasting from one dip and turn to another, but unlike previous Indy roller coasters, this time everyone feels like they're safely strapped in at all times. It feels empty to me, and, as others have said, wholly devoid of tension and danger. There seem to be a few reasons for that, but mostly it's the CGI and digital compositing, which fits with the Indy aesthetic like sandals on a goldfish. Perhaps unfairly, I was expecting vintage movie magic. Based on what he'd said in interviews, I was expecting Spielberg to defy modern action movie conventions and make a genuine old-fashioned stunt show. Keeping the movie within the boundaries of what could be done without CGI would have been the most daring and interesting thing Spielberg could have done in 2008, and it would have ensured that no matter how weak the script was, the fantastic scenes that make Indy movies what they are would have had just the right feel. Instead, the second half of the movie feels lazy, employing cheap-looking computer tricks so Spielberg wouldn't have to leave his cushy Hollywood soundstage. I love computers, and I love all the places they've taken special effects. But as others have pointed out, computer effects have their place, and Indy, with its dusty stone surfaces and exotic locales, is not that place. The problem with CGI is that when anything's possible, filmmakers seem to feel the need to go way over the top just because they can (I'm looking at you, Peter Jackson), or take a cheap but less satisfying route just because it's possible (I'm looking at you, George Lucas). It's technology creating ideas, rather than ideas creating technology, which is ironic because Spielberg and Lucas are the two people who defined the modern blockbuster by creating many incredible technologies to bring their ideas to life. That said, I have no trouble putting most of the blame on Lucas for my computer-generated grievances with Indy. After all, Spielberg tends to use special effects *extremely* effectively and appropriately in his films, and he has been making very good movies lately. Lucas, on the other hand, well... we all know what he's been up to.

In the comments on my previous post, a woman chimed in that her two little boys, aged 5 and 9, absolutely loved the film. Just like when I saw Temple Of Doom at age 5 and thought it was the greatest movie ever made, these kids left the theatre pretending to be Indy, completely ecstatic. She said in that respect maybe the movie had done its job by inspiring the next generation of kids and creating their future nostalgia. Those kids will one day be blogging about how much better Crystal Skull was than Indy 8, where a 40 year old, 100% computer-generated Shia LaDingdong tries to rescue Vietnamese artifacts from the menacing army of the Viet Cong. I'm very happy that Crystal Skull succeeded on that level - Indiana Jones is a far more fitting hero for imaginative youngsters than most of what Hollywood offers to kids, so if propping up his corpse for another few passable movies will continue to inspire young adventurers, then I guess I can live with that. But for me, I'll still be looking for movies that, like the first three, work just as well from start to finish for a twenty eight year old with a critical eye as they do for a five year old who just wants to have fun - that offer a great deal of fun without resorting to silliness... and I'll always wish Indiana Jones had boldly preserved the greatest artifact of them all: Movies that are made with real sets, and real props, and real stunts... and real gophers.

Sadly, until some mystical power melts George Lucas's face off and rids us of his insanity, none of that is likely to happen, and future Indy movies (oh yes, they're coming) will probably continue to have their integrity chipped away bit by bit until they're incorporating fart jokes and talking donkeys. Hell, Lucas hasn't even hit senility yet, imagine what's going to happen then!

Thank God Harrison Ford is still fucking awesome.

Indy - First Impressions

2008-05-22T03:51:00.000-07:00

HUGE SPOILERS AHEAD! Don't read this unless you've seen the movie! Highlight the text below to read:

I'm not going to give any final verdict on Indiana Jones right now - it's barely an hour since the credits rolled, it's three in the morning and it all went by so fast. It would be unfair to review it without at least a second viewing, especially when I'm inevitably comparing it to films I've been watching over and over again since childhood. But I can't resist at least posting some first impressions, so here they are:

When you see a movie that people have been waiting for for nearly two decades, and the audience is dotted with fedoras and leather jackets worn by devoted followers... It says a lot when the applause at the end of the film is tepid at best. A hesitant, uncertain applause, embraced only by a portion of the theatre. And following that, the quiet mumblings of the crowd as they fill out into the theatre lobby, ringing not with excitement and glee, but with... confusion. This is a movie that will inspire a great amount of debate, and a great amount of disappointment. I'll break it down to the good things and the bad things, keeping in mind that I might completely change my mind on the second viewing, and the movie moved so fast I even now barely know what the hell happened:

- Good: Harrison fucking Ford. For all the doubts about his age, for all the memories of the shitty movies he's phoned in over the past decade... he is Indy. He's so fucking good. He's older, of course, but he plays that well. He feels like Indiana Jones later in life. He feels perfect, and he's the anchor in this, and you want a lot more of him when it's done.

- Good: Shea LaDeoufus didn't fuck it up. Having heard he was playing a greaser, I was terrified the whole thing would be riddled with cheesy "Grease" 50's lingo. As an era, I'm not a big fan of the '50's, so seeing it work marvelously in this movie was a huge relief. I didn't hate Shea at all, and his character found just the right balance and actually played really nicely off of Indy.

- Good: The motorcycle/car chase through the school/streets was awesome.

- Good: This will be the most contentious point of the movie for most people, but I actually thought the crystal skull/extraterrestrial element was perfect, at least in theory. It's all based on real legends and real artifacts and real beliefs (check this link for some info that will make you appreciate the plot a bit more), and it's a perfect tie-in to 50's B-movies and UFO hysteria. And it worked pretty well until, well, the end, which brings us to the bad parts...

- Bad: The "Lucas moments." I have to blame Lucas because Spielberg has given me very few of these, and Lucas has given me so very, very many. These are the little moments that make you cringe, that make you embarrassed for the people on the screen and everyone in the room watching them. The "what on earth were they fucking thinking?" moments that no amount of childlike optimism can overcome. Moments Lucas turned into an art form in the Star Wars prequels, and indeed, seeing "Mutt" swing through the jungle like Tarzan, encouraged by an army of computer-generated monkeys, gave me the same uneasy feeling in my stomach that I got when Jar-Jar Binks stepped in poop in Episode 1. These moments are like wet farts throughout the movie: They don't last long, but they leave a hell of a stain. Other ones included Indy surviving an atomic bomb by hiding in a refrigerator (WHAT???), and the horrible, horrible computer-generated alien at the end. That's the part where the extraterrestrial plot lost me. I'm cool with crystal alien skulls with psychic powers, but do we need to see an actual flesh-and-blood poorly-rendered Goddamn alien?? When Indy drank the Holy Grail did he talk to Jesus?? These moments make it difficult to enjoy the really solid parts of the film, and the feeling they gave me opened up deep wounds left by the Star Wars prequels, which, for the record, I even liked more than most people.

- Bad: The script and character development were weirdly uneven. I really enjoyed the first half of the film, when the characters had some time to be human, instead of just running endlessly in front of green screens. The last third of the film completely lost me, it felt detached and empty.

- Bad: Three letters sum up what ruined this movie for me: C. G. I. This is the big one. This is the one I feel more than just disappointed about, I feel betrayed. Because I read the interviews. I read Spielberg talking about how traditional they were trying to make it, how little CG they were going to use so it felt like one of the old movies, so it had that physicality to it that made the action scenes more impressive, and made it feel like Indy was really in danger. Steven... What in the HELL happened to all that?? Why did every Goddamn action scene appear to have never left a green screen studio? Why did the actors all have that soft light of composited backgrounds around them, as if they were hardly ever in the setting you were trying to convince us they were in? Why did the whole jungle truck chase feel so fake, and so intangible? Well, probably because it was all done with computers! Probably because you tried to do too much, more than traditional effects could handle, and before you knew it you were putting in cartoon gophers and hoards of computer-generated ants. You know what the difference was between the ant scene in this movie and the bug scene in Temple Of Doom? THOSE WERE REAL GODDAMN BUGS IN TEMPLE OF DOOM! That fucking MATTERS to people - even on a subconscious level it creeps people out in a way that fake bugs will never, ever, ever do! I rarely felt any sense of danger in this movie, I never felt the same sense of awe and I never connected with any of the set pieces, and that's almost entirely because hardly any of them felt real. Think about the giant temple in Temple Of Doom... That was a real big room that they BUILT, and all the actors were IN THAT ROOM, and it was tangible, and it put you there, in that room with them. In this movie, they were never on a pyramid... They weren't driving on the edge of a giant cliff... There were no scorpions. Hell, there weren't even any gophers. In The Last Crusade, there was a real tank, and it was driving through the desert, and when Indy had to jump from a horse to the tank, he actually had to jump from a horse to a fucking tank, because there was no other way of doing it! Sure, it might have been a stuntman, and of course he was wearing a cable. But that's why they call it movie magic - because you're not aware of any of that. All you see is a guy jumping from a horse to a tank, and it's exciting. CG graphics and green screen compositing has not reached the status of true movie magic, at least when used as it was in this movie. In this movie it was a constant barrier between the audience and the action, a thick piece of fuzzy glass that prevented you from ever *really* believing any of this was happening. That's disappointing because usually Spielberg is a master of visual trickery and uses traditional and computer effects in glorious tandem. Say what you will about A.I. but it had, at least at the time, some truly mind-blowingly realistic special effects that used almost every technique in the book. Where was that movie magic here? For all the years it took for us to get this film, for as big of a movie as it's supposed to be, why did it feel like "The Mummy" or some other mid-level throw-away Blockbuster filled with rushed computer effects? If all the Lucas moments and shaky plot points had been exactly the same, but they had followed through with their promise of sticking to old-fashioned special effects, I think I would have loved this movie. I can forgive a lot, but when I can never properly connect with a movie that's all about tension because I'm never convinced there is any tension... then the whole thing is going to be an uphill battle.

Suffice to say, Indiana Jones is precious territory for me, so I'm going to see it again very soon - I need to digest it a bit more now that I know what I'm getting into. I need to make sure the bad really does outweigh the good, as it seems to right now. I'm trying not to rush judgement, but I had prepared myself for a potentially cheesy plotline, and I had prepared myself for Shea LaDeoufus, and then they went and blew it in the one area I genuinely wasn't expecting them to blow it in. So, yeah. Viewing number two will be interesting.

Any first impressions from those who have seen it?

Hold on to your potatoes

2008-05-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched all three Indiana Jones movies in a row, and despite having seen them approximately ten thousand times each (as a wee lad, I watched Temple Of Doom on Betamax so many times I wore out the tape), I was every bit as enthralled as I was twenty years ago, and now I'm that much more excited for the midnight showing of Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull on Wednesday. Sure, Shea LaDeoufus is in it, and sure, George Lucas will have insisted that some parts of it be incredibly lame (I believe that's in his contract these days), and an action sequence set in the warehouse from the end of Raiders screams of the same force-fed nostalgia that shoehorned Chewbacca and Boba Fett into the Star Wars prequels... But those are all concerns raised only by the cynicism I didn't have when the last Indy movie came out, and I think that's an easy thing for people to forget. I saw Last Crusade on opening night, nine years old and so stupidly excited, nothing short of Jar-Jar Binks could have dampened the experience. And that's exactly what makes the new movie so exciting: Sitting in that theatre on opening night and shedding away all the extra baggage of adulthood, feeling like you're nine years old again and the world is full of adventure.

It isn't too late for a marathon to get you psyched! The original trilogy has just been re-released on DVD if you don't already own it. Six hours of cinematic escapism at its finest. Wednesday can't come any sooner.

Mmmmmario Kart

2008-04-27T18:24:00.000-07:00

As if I need another fucking distraction, Nintendo had to go and release a new Mario Kart game today. And unlike Super Smash Bros's disappointingly bare-bones online mode, Mario Kart Wii's online racing seems like it's actually going to be a lot of fun. If you're playing, leave your friend code in the comments, and add mine: 4940 5839 6122. Sadly, I can't resurrect Luigi's Big Fat Italian Cockmobile, but it will be there in spirit.

Oh, Nostalgia

2008-04-16T02:16:00.000-07:00

I tend to be an extremely nostalgic person, evidenced by my obsession with vintage video games, action figures, '80's sci-fi movies, and a host of other childlike interests I've never managed to let go of. I have a particular fascination with the melancholy aspect of nostalgia - that kind of sad notion that something will never again be as good as it once was. It's a weird feeling because we've all had it, and we're all certain that we're right when we tell ourselves that our generation's music is so much better than the crap kids are listening to these days. But then you realize our parents said that about punk rock, and our grandparents said it about The Beatles, and you have to wonder how much of that feeling is just an unavoidable byproduct of getting old. Then again, I really can't imagine any full-grown adults ten years from now are going to be complaining that nothing will ever be as good as Fallout Boy... at least I sure as fuck hope not.

Anyway, that's a long-winded introduction to the reason you haven't seen that promised Demonbaby update yet, which is I've been finishing up my latest illustration, an image utterly drenched in nostalgia (some of it borrowed) that's kind of about that melancholy yearning for the good ol' days, and how usually you just can't go back. Or maybe it was just an excuse to draw Cap'n Crunch as a horny old man. Either way, check it out here, and Digg it for me if you don't mind. With this out of the way, Demonbaby is next on my list, I swear.

Updates and Such

2008-04-04T13:10:00.000-07:00

Poor Demonbaby is in dire need of an update. I have a couple half-finished posts sitting around, and realize I never completed the Demonbaby Awards, but did anyone really expect five updates in a week from a blog that barely updates five times a year? At least I got the main ones up that I wanted to do, and the rest of the content will likely be mixed in with new posts in some fashion or another. I took a pretty awesome field trip the other day that I'm going to post about - with any luck it'll be up sometime next week.

In other news, I at least got around to updating the playlist, and I've now set it up as a podcast, which I'll be adding songs to sporadically instead of in batches like on the flash player. You can subscribe to the podcast here, or if you're using iTunes to listen to podcasts, subscribe here. Incidentally, if you're looking for a simple, stylish way to make streaming playlists for your friends, Muxtape is an excellent new website.

Oh, and the RSS feed for the miniblog has moved - if you're subscribing to the old URL, you should update to the new URL here. The new feed includes fun links from my bookmarks.

Last but not least, if you're in LA you should check out the Downtown Art Walk on Thursday, and stop by this show.

Actual Conversation With The 20-Something Girl Putting My Groceries In Bags At The Supermarket Today:

2008-03-12T23:42:00.001-07:00

Checkout Clerk: Can I see your ID?
Me: Uh... crap, I don't have it. I have an old ID, will that work?
Checkout Clerk: Yeah, that's okay.
Bag Girl: Where's that ID from?
Me: Washington.
Bag Girl: Washington DC?
Me: No, Washington State.

At this point the look of glassy-eyed confusion on the bag girl's face made it abundantly clear that she had never heard of Washington State, and was almost embarrassed to ask:

Bag Girl: Uh... where is that?
Me: ...
Bag Girl: Is that in Utah?
Me: ......No. It's up in the very Northwest corner of the country.
Bag Girl: Ooooh, okay. Because did you know there's a Washington in Utah?
Me: Really? Um, no, I didn't.
Bag Girl: Yeah, there is. If you look on... I forget which map it's on, but I saw it on one of the maps. Washington in Utah. I thought maybe that's what you meant.
Me: Huh. That's... interesting.

I was tempted to tell her that I'd recently visited New Mexico, if only to prompt the inevitable question: "New Mexico? What happened to the old one?"

It's alarming how often I encounter full grown adults who think the state of Washington and Washington DC are one in the same. Stay in school, kids.

Super Fucking Smash Bros.

2008-03-10T13:26:00.001-07:00

Anyone playing Super Smash Bros Brawl yet? I finally got a chance to fire it up today, and it seems my once formidable skills have grown rather rusty over the years. I'm going to need some opponents to whip me into shape. My friend code is 1203-8921-0319 (Goddamn you Nintendo and your shitty friend code system) - post yours in the comments and I'll add you. But seriously, I don't have a lot of time to practice right now, so don't feel too good about yourself if you kick my ass.

You're never too old to play with your food.

2008-02-24T14:31:00.001-08:00

It's Sunday. Do something immature.

(Sent via iPhone)

Anonymous Vs. Scientology

2008-02-10T16:58:00.000-08:00

Did anyone go to Anonymous' worldwide Scientology protests today? I was at the Los Angeles one for a while today - it was a pretty surreal scene, hundreds of people in masks gathered in front of the Church Of Scientology, shouting and waving signs and causing quite a scene. They're going to be out there all day, apparently - I wouldn't be surprised if some trouble breaks out, the Scientologists were predictably unamused. A lot of people were filming, look for tons of good video footage to start showing up on YouTube tonight. I took a bunch of pictures, you can check them out here.

The joke kind of writes itself...

2008-02-07T02:15:00.001-08:00

(Sent via iPhone)

Puppy Vs. Robot! Epic Battle For Territorial Domination!

2008-01-25T17:49:00.000-08:00

When I brought home the very cool Roboquad robot the other day and started playing with it, our resident guardian K9 was none too pleased. I decided to put Roboquad in "autonomous" mode, set his aggression level to high, and let the battle unfold.

Note: This is the robot acting fully on its own, I was not controlling it in any way.

Cloverfield rules my fucking face off

2008-01-18T21:53:00.001-08:00

If Hollywood wants people to stop stealing movies, they should make
more movies like "Cloverfield." I just enjoyed the shit out of that
movie, and I dont think it would have been nearly as much fun without
a big movie screen and an excited crowd. It's basically a theme park
thrill ride, but it's scary and exciting and exceptionally well done.
Worth seeing in theaters if you can. Then again, movies about giant
monsters destroying everything are pretty much my idea of perfection,
so I might be a tad biased. Anyone else see it yet? Thoughts?

(Sent via iPhone)

Christian Shareware and Bizarre Garfield Tributes (Thanks, Internet)

2008-01-18T13:36:00.000-08:00

Video games and Christianity have never made particularly good bedfellows (here are some embarrassing attempts at making religion fun), but the concept has reached a bizarre new low with the new computer game Zoo Race. A sobering reminder that any asshole can make a PC game, Zoo Race has a bizarre way of turning the story of Noah's Ark into an excuse for people to transform into animals and race through dungeons and shoot out of canons and fly to the moon. Please enjoy the exhausting 8:30 trailer for Zoo Race in all its glory. You'll get the idea pretty quickly, but at least make sure you watch the incredible transformation scene at 3:15, up until the voice of God starts the races. The animals climbing onto rockets at 7:40 is pretty awesome, as well. In addition to racing, the game has a strange "dance party" mode, where Noah and all his animals gather in the ark's hopping nightclub and party to terrible Christian music. The magic is captured in the world's greatest music video. Says YouTube user "Phistman": "This sucks. Please explode."

Over on the official Zoo Race website, you can download a free demo of the game, read heart-warming stories about the animals and their Christian adventures, "surprise your friends with some songs that they have not heard before" with "The Music Of Zoo Race" audio CD, and see the many awards the game has won, including "100% Virus Free Software" awards from several shareware download websites. Indeed, the best accolade Zoo Race can hope for is "it didn't damage my computer." Thanks to the wonderful 4 Color Rebellion for bringing this game to my attention.

My other favorite thing today, and possibly ever, is Lasagna Cat, some dude's attempt to recreate Garfield comic strips using real people and cheap animal suits. If that idea isn't a strange/retarded enough on its own, each comic strip is accompanied by its own spastic music video, each more nonsensical than the last. Try Cheeseburger In Paradise (MIDI version) or Manic Monday or Suicide Is Painless or a Final Fantasy tribute, or yes, even Nine Inch Nails (Gothfield?). I just watched about twenty of them consecutively, and I feel completely insane.

Why, internet? Why?

Whoops.

2008-01-11T13:32:00.000-08:00

My iPhone had a chance encounter with some concrete today. Things got a little ugly. The result can only be described thusly.

Amazingly, it still works perfectly - it didn't even drop the call I was on when it slipped out of my hands. The touch screen still works fine, if you don't mind tiny shards of glass digging into your fingers. Until I can get to an Apple store to get it taken care of, I had to cover it with some plastic wrap to protect my fingers, resulting in the most ghetto iPhone ever.

Good times!

Christmas Eve white trash karaoke.

2007-12-25T00:53:00.001-08:00

We have a treasured Christmas Eve tradition of joining the drunks, the
loners, the hicks and the wiggers at the tavern down the street from
my parents' home in the beyond-depressing town of Federal Way, WA.
You'd be surprised how many people are drowning their sorrows in a
seedy bar on a night generally associated with warm-and-fuzzy family
gatherings. Visions of sugar plums, and all that shit.

Tonight happens to be karaoke night, and strangely, there's no
shortage of blue collar men happy to belt out the hits before a crowd
of their drunken peers.

The picture here is of a guy named cowboy Jeff, here by himself, whose
cowboy hat and NASCAR jacket accompanied him through a delightful
rendition of an Alan Jackson country classic. Zero irony. This is what
Christmas is all about. I think.

Now excuse me while I go buy some more pull-tabs.

(Sent via iPhone)

Christmas relics from white trash America.

2007-12-23T16:48:00.001-08:00

Celebrate the magic of Christmas with this timeless ESPN SportsCenter
Christmas ornament. It lights up and plays the SportsCenter theme. In
other news, shoot me.

(Sent via iPhone)

Thank You Staples, For Offering The Most Useless Service Ever.

2007-12-12T17:03:00.001-08:00

These little signs are all over Staples in their computer section. Look carefully at what they're offering: For the sweet deal of only $5, they will back up your data. Okay, fair enough. Oh wait, they're only going to back up 700mb of your data. 700mb means they'll be burning you a fifty cent CD-R. Now notice that your "data" apparently cannot be in the form of pictures, videos, or music files - you know, the things most people would want to back up. Nope, you're going to have to fill up that 700mb with nothing but text! What a bizarrely useless service for Staples to advertise... It's also an excellent candidate for the brilliant "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.

(Sent via iPhone)

do something good for a change.

2007-12-07T12:51:00.000-08:00

it might seem like an obvious thing to say, but the holiday season really is a great time to donate some money to a good cause you care about. you've already resigned yourself to spending a bunch of cash on junk for your friends and relatives that they probably don't want or need, so why not set aside a few of those dollars and give it to a charity or organization that supports something you believe in? personally, i'm donating $400 to my local humane society. they shelter and care for homeless pets and try to find loving homes for them. and since rescuing little lola (pictured above being characteristically adorable) after she was abandoned by her owner, i have a particular soft spot for other animals who haven't been so lucky yet, and need places like the humane society to live until someone adopts them.

but that's just me. you might be really passionate about dolphins or food additives or sweatshop children or open source software, or maybe you just want to adopt a precious adult baby in need of a new nanny. whatever the case, you'll get a strange sense of satisfaction from donating even a small bit of money to help out. there are even ways you can donate just by doing your normal holiday shopping: i found that my local humane society is an amazon.com associate, and i buy tons of shit off of amazon so now i know to do it via their site in the future. actually, you can support adorable homeless kitties and puppies by shopping on amazon via the demonbaby store or any other amazon link on this site. you see, when you do that, i make money, and that money directly funds my amazon addiction, which now funds the humane society. see how that works? you get the gift of giving, i get the gift of new video games, and cutesy wootsey wittle fuzzy cweatures get the gift of life. it really warms the heart.

anyway, here is a site where you can look up charity organizations, but there are a lot of other resources out there. you can also find an organization that participates in escrip, then any time you shop at participating escrip merchants, a part of your purchase is automatically donated to the organization you've chosen. a simple, painless way to give a little bit back.

man, this website's getting so serious. i need some new poop stories.