The Deranged Creativity Of A Fallen Star.

untitled # 02

2011-03-02T22:45:00.008+01:00

I looked and read through the words, over and over, and over again. And every time it felt like a deep stab in my heart, right where it hurts the most. I closed my eyes. And again, once more, this time, I say to myself, for the last time, I took a glimpse. The words. I am weakened. I feel like I am drowning. This can't be. This can't be real. This feels like going against Fate, fighting with Destiny. Sacrilege! I am on the verge of having my heart broken. This time, for real. Into million tiny pieces. Don't let it be. The cold breeze, the million stars, the ray of the moon feels warm as it touches my face, and my dearly loved beast, are the only comfort I can find. Surreal but they keep me warm inside, they keep me warm where it matters, in my heart. The thought of you with someone else makes me weak. A tear. The thought. The devastation. The truth. But I'm holding on. I refuse to let go. For a string of hope, is still hope, after all. I wish I could easily shut you out of my life, but I can't bear the thought of it. And who am I to blame you? For wanting happiness in your life, for being brave enough to look for it, and embrace it when it touched you. I was a coward. And I am a coward. And I fear that you'll never know how you make me feel. Just once, I wish you could look through my eyes, and feel through my heart, so you'll know what you mean to me. Just this once, for once will be more than I could ever ask for, for once is all you need to feel how wonderful of a gift you are to everyone in your life. The words of incertainty haunts me through the day. I am weakened. I feel that I should let this be known, that as weird as it may sound, I am not saddened. Deep down in my heart, the thought of you being happy with some one who is not me makes weak, but I am sincerely happy for your happiness. Your happiness calms me. I want to share my life with you. I want to share my happiness with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. For this time, the uncertainty doesn't kill me. It gives me a pinch of hope to hold on to. So, I am holding on. I am not letting go... Just not yet. I still believe in you and me. I still believe in us. I still believe in us together, forever. I still believe we are meant to be.

untitled # 01

2006-07-25T20:52:00.000+02:00

maybe someday when my life is through
i would see your face, once again.
all the pain i've been through,
all the hate will just fade away.

alone in my room
in the dark, i cry.

Dearest Moon.

2006-06-25T00:11:00.000+02:00

Dear Moon,

Do you know lucky you are? Do you know how you make me feel?
There are times that i admire you the most; the beauty, the ray of light, the shower of love. I could stay for hours just staring at you and the stars that surrounds you. The calmness you bring, the peace, the fragrance.
And yes, at times, i envy you, for you can watch over
him and he won't even try to object. For you can see through his soul and he won't bother hiding what's inside him. To be able to listen to all of his pains, heartaches, stories and deepest thoughts.
Do you know how lucky you are that you'll never be alone, that all the stars would forever watch your back, that even if you don't always see them; you know that they're just there.
How does it feel to know that the night won't be the same if you didn't exist? And how it makes me feel knowing that no one would notice if one night I'd stop existing? How does it feel to have people admire your beauty by just being your simple self while you light the night, i am being overshadowed to an obscure world.
I envy you, I admire you. And I can't bring myself to hate you.

-from the deranged mind of a fallen star

Do not stand by grave and weep

2006-02-10T14:15:00.000+01:00

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand by my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
by: Mary Elizabeth Frye

The Dreamer In Me

2005-10-06T01:05:00.000+02:00

I dream of wealth, fame and fortune; and i ask who doesn't?
I dream of a good life, a richer taste and a better family;
and said to myself who wouldn't?
I dream of love,true love; everlasting nor death do us part
I dream of peace and beauty within paradise
I dream pureness of heart; to love and be loved sincerly
I dream of silence; to be able to think and reflect on my life
I dream to be dreamed by the one i dream of
I dream of to feel no sadness
But then how would i know happiness exist?
I dream of being numb and regret the love i feel for you
I dream never to cry but asked myself...
How would i wash my eyes or how would i show that i'm hurting inside
I dream to asleep for all eternity for if i wake
I know reality would strike me that while i dream of you;
you dream of her...

The Power Of Goodbye

2005-10-04T02:32:00.000+02:00

As i get closer to day that i leave; i think of how i lived my life
On my way to the plane with every step that i take;
a tear falls down on to my cheeks
As i get near to a whole new place; i dream of the one i left
As i meet new people; i remember the people that are dear
When someting happens i can't help but reminisce on my past
Your sorrow makes me sad; your tears made me better
The faces of those that i love with tears as i walk away
And when that day came all i could say was a lonely goodbye

I try to live the same old life that i had;
I tried so hard that i broke down and cried
I reached out but there was no one on the other side
I waited but nothing came
I shouldn't have said goodbye but what was i to do if i needed to go
You should have known my importance
But instead you've forgotten my existence
Need i say more?
When all that is left are the memories that starts to fade
And love that turned to hate...

Honestly Sorry

2005-09-30T14:30:00.000+02:00

i was weak but still you loved the weakness within me
i was hopeless but you showed me there could be tomorrow
i could not fly but you taught me not to crawl
i was scared and you made me feel strong

i was hurting and endlessly crying
you held your hand and showed you care
i was unforgiving full of hatred in my heart
but you told me there is no good in hate
and forgave me so i could learn to forgive

i was to the point of giving up
almost to letting go
but you said hold on, maybe someday,somehow

you told me, "i love you"
but you taught me to much
i cannot let go, i can no longer lie to myself
i know you wish you haven't taught me that much
but please do understand, if you honestly care

listen to what i say, i do mean each word
thank you for all that you've been but i cannot love you still
but until that day do keep in mind that maybe someday, somehow.

Unspoken Love

2005-09-29T17:38:00.000+02:00

when the day comes that we meet again
hoping that the courage within me
would help me show what i feel inside

the fear that once covered the feeling deep inside
has turned itself into a sadness of being alone
the love that i feel; to a sorrowful hatred

one day when the time has come
and the place is right
hope the feeling's still there

today i hope you've found the one
for the love that i once felt
has fade away with the memories of us.

When We Meet Again

2005-09-28T17:37:00.000+02:00

T'was a feeling deep inside,
Too pure, too strong to be ignored,
But you never seemed to care.

I feared the thought of loosing you
Thou i never really had you.
I hurt for the love i feel
And cried for the hopes that was shattered

I tried for you to feel what i feel
But i guess i tried to hard
That somehow i got tired

I had to go, to move on with my life
But the love i feel is, was and will
always be in my heart, in my mind
But will i go on?

If fate allowed for us to meet, someday
Will the feeling be there? Will i still hurt?
I tried to hold on as much as i could
But if you still love me not, what then can i do?

Bem's creativity

2005-09-22T23:07:00.000+02:00

I Pray that God
Would take this feelings I have for you
I’ve been suffering excessive pain
So much tears were cried
And I know you’re not worth of it..

I laugh out loud
But the pain is still inflicting
I wear smile
When deep down inside
My heart is crying as it bleeds…

Cause Baby..
All I ever wanted is to be with you
Give my world to you
Kiss away the pain
Embrace your heart with my love
And have these things back from you..

But I know..
It’s ridiculous..
Because you can never love someone like me..
You know it hurts..
But I’m setting you free..
Cause we’re never meant to be..

[_-Bem Antolin-_]

19|09|2k5

2005-09-21T01:40:00.000+02:00

Into the river her tear fell,
and so it goes with all her
heartaches and hate for the world.
She once said that it's not the
world she hates but the people
who lives in it.

How pathetic can you get?
Can you be emptier than this?
She thought of suicide,
of hurting herself,
a total fiasco.
Failing at failing.
What the hell.

Tuesday boredom.

2005-09-20T13:28:00.000+02:00

something I wrote on a boring tuesday at school.

It's 10:37 on a dready tuesday morning.
I'm stuck in an empty room with 3 of my mates.
One's busy making her daily sketches,
the other driving herself to sleep with a full volume song,
("crave" - marc dorsey), the last one's taking her daily dosage of nicotine,
and here I am with my pen and notebook, writing and writing.

--------

Tomorrow if I see your face
would I recognize your smile?
The smile I adored, the smile I loved.
Into the emptiness of the wall, I stare.
Thinking of the way we used to be.
The love we used to share.
I cried, I struggled, I died and I survived.

01|09|2k5

2005-09-01T01:39:00.000+02:00

If roses are red
and violets are blue.
If pen is to paper,
and words are for books.
If sun is equal to moon
and the stars can only
be seen at the absence of the sun.
If love is forever,
If time can heal all wounds,
If we live in such a perfect world,
If the world "hurt" does not exist.

His & Hers

2005-08-17T17:51:00.000+02:00

'Is it a crime to fall out of love?' asks Jim. 'When we said we loved each other I'm pretty sure we meant it. But weren't we talking about how we felt right at that moment? Is it the kind of thing you can predict? Isn't it a little bit random? Chemistry mixed up with the unknown? How could we know that we'd always feel the same way about each other? Doesn't having to love take away the incentive to love voluntarily? Is it better that we put up with each other because we promised to do so rather than cut ourselves free so we can love people we want to love rather than love out of a sense of obligation?' Jim pauses and laughs. 'Am I asking a lot of questions? Or is this just me?'

'I don't know the answer to any of them,' I tell him. 'I don't think anyone does. I think that's why love is what it is: the most complicated, intense and indefinable emotion. And yet without it... well, life wouldn't really be worth living, would it?'

-conversation of Jim and Alison (on Mike Gayle's His 'n' Hers)

TORN

2005-08-15T16:15:00.000+02:00

When you said how you feel
I put a smile in my face
but didn't say a word.

When you showed you care
I turned my back
for i thought your heart's not free.

When you said you meant it
I said "i feel the same"
and went on our way.

You saw me cried
when i saw you with someone else;
You said she's just a friend
thou you should have told me the truth.

You never said "i love you"
still you've always showed you do
But then i should have wondered
if you really meant what you show.

When i said "i'm in love with you"
You closed your eyes and let a tear drop
sadly you say,"i'm sorry,i have to go".

The Art of Letting Go

2005-08-11T20:44:00.000+02:00

here i am alone,
crying myself to sleep
wondering if you really did love me.
i listen to myself talk...
thinking is this who i really am?
i tried to move on,
but something's holding me back...
as i reminisce on my past,
i hear the laughters,
feel the love that you once showed...
how was i to know,
that such a wonderful feeling
was all but a lie...
but i have to go on,
i need to learn how to let go,
no matter how true the love that i feel,
i just have to let go...

ATTENTION

2005-08-06T22:19:00.000+02:00

NO NEW POSTINGS CAUSE THIS BLOG IS CURRENTLY UNDER CONSTRUCTION!

Farewell

2005-07-11T11:09:00.000+02:00

As i bid farewell
to such good friends
Questions linger in my mind
And in my heart
the thought of being forgotten
makes me weak

As i bid farewell
to people i've grown to love
I try to be strong
not to let a tear drop
For i know that it won't stop
till my eyes dried

As i bid farewell
I think if you would reminisce
or still sing on our song
when you hear it play

As i bid farewell
I could still hear the laugthers,
taste the tears and picture the memories
That are still here in my heart....

Dreams

2005-07-06T17:08:00.000+02:00

As the night comes,
I pray to the Lord that in my dreams,
I see your face
We share the love that I am aware
for your heart's not free and here you can't stay

As the sun rise, with a promise of a beautiful day
a smile in my face for last night was spent with you
as I go on with my day with the love that I feel
hoping that tonight will be as sweet as before

when things seems to be at peace
when everything seems to be in place
in a place that i alone is aware
in my fantasy world

it feels so right it can't be wrong
but still it can't be real
the only thing that keeps my sanity
is the love i feel for thee

or does it make me insane?
i wake with a tears on my eyes
you were not on my dreams last night
and i realize that only now i truly awake.

**tHe FaLLeN sTaR**
Copyright ©2005 **tHe FaLLeN sTaR**