Derek Franklin's Blog

unBelievable: Answering What's Unknown Comes From Questioning What's Known

2012-05-23T11:00:00-04:00

* Note: This post is part of an ongoing series in which I am sharing the entire contents of a currently unpublished book I wrote last year, entitled: unBelievable: How to Get Unbelievable Results By Giving Up Believable Ideas. Review my blog's archives or do a search for unbelievable to see all previous posts.

Answering What's Unknown Comes From Questioning What's Known

He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever. - Chinese proverb
The important thing is to never stop questioning. - Albert Einstein
I never learn anything talking. I only learn things when I ask questions. - Lou Holtz
You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. - Naguib Mahfouz
Millions saw the apple fall, but Newton was the one who asked why. - Bernard Baruch
No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions. - Charles Steinmetz

Believable Ideas

It is what it is...
I have no idea why _________ (fill in the blank)
I wish I knew how to _________ (fill in the blank)
_________ (fill in the blank) is so frustrating!

How does the idea of digging for buried treasure sound to you, especially if you don't have to get dirty, and you're not likely to break a sweat? Sounds pretty great, doesn't it?

Well, you may not know it, but at this moment, there are a number of untold treasures within your grasp - treasures worth more than money, because they don't have just a one-time value like money does (you spend money, and it's gone), but their value comes from their outstanding ability to impact how you feel, what you experience, how you view the world around you, how deeply you enjoy your life, as well as the depth of your connection and influence of others. And just like with any other hidden treasure, your ability to find and benefit from them depends on how skilled you are at digging.

Of course, the treasures I'm talking about here are great answers, and the skill for uncovering them is the ability to ask great questions.

Why are great answers so valuable, and what makes digging for them so worthwhile? Well, our lives are full of decisions - everything from what to pay attention to, to how to react to an event, to what action we should take next - and to make the very best decisions, we need great answers or quality knowledge.

Very often, the best answers aren't obvious, they need to be searched for, like a hidden treasure, which is what great questions allow you to do.

What makes questions such a powerful tool in the digging process? It's because they engage peoples' minds at the deepest level of discovery, drawing clarity, creativity, and emotion out of a person more effectively than just about anything else.

Want to experience this for yourself, right now? Spend a minute answering each of the following questions:

Clarity - If you had one day where you could experience anything you wanted (money was not a factor), what are all the things you would do, and who would you do them with? Can you clearly see what you're doing, and who you're doing it with?
Creativity - What would be the top three ways you could save money on energy costs inside you home? Did you just discover some simple solutions that where there all along, but you didn't know existed until presented with the right question?
Emotion - What's your favorite memory that involves the person you love most? Did you just smile a bit, or did your heart race a little faster, as you relived all of the emotions of that moment - feelings you may have forgotten were still in you after all these years?

When a great question enters your mind (whether you ask it of yourself, or someone else asks you), it's almost as if it begins a split-second journey, on an unstoppable mission to pull out of the deep recesses of your brain, the best resources available for answering it. It's a reflex of your brain that if you give it a question, it MUST shift its focus to find an appropriate answer.

On the flip-side, without great questions, many of the resources that you have hidden deep inside of your mind, which could be used to totally transform the direction of your life, will remain buried, perhaps never seeing the light of day. Talk about an incredible waste!

It's important that you appreciate the magnitude of this power, and skillfully use it to uncover treasures (answers) that will allow you to make better, more creative decisions. Here are some ways to improve your digging abilities.

Question Everything

Be curious!

A simple rule of thumb to follow is to:

Pay attention, especially to your habits, what you observe in your environment, what people tell you, what you learn, what works, and what doesn't work
Ask Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How a lot!

Out of these six commonly asked questions, What, Why, and How tend to be the most useful.

For example, if you're having trouble sleeping, the worst thing to do is to accept it as 'part of life', or complain about it all the time. Instead, be curious.

Ask yourself: Who can teach me how to sleep better? What am I doing that could be preventing me from sleeping better, and what can I do to change it? Where can I find information about how to sleep better? Why is sleeping better so important to me? How can incorporate better sleep habits into my life?

With just a few simple questions, you can go from a life of sleepless misery, to one full of potential answers about how to solve the problem and experience success.

Here's another example. If you're about to buy a car, and the salesperson tells you that the car they're showing you is 'the best in its class', don't take what they tell you at face value. Question it!

Ask yourself: Who says that the car is 'the best in its class', an unbiased person with some credibility, or just the salesperson? What makes it the best car - what are the reasons? Where can I find evidence about this myself? Why is it important?

Hopefully you can see that this isn't a difficult process to follow, but it only helps you if you actually use it!

As a side note, in your questioning process, be sure to make generous use of Google for helping you discover answers. Over the years, I've become an expert at using it, and I can tell you from experience that it has an answer for virtually any question you ask it - so think of using it whenever you need the answer to a Who, What, Where, When, Why, or How question.

Replace Statements With Questions

Many of us have a nasty habit of making a statement where asking a question would be more appropriate.

For example, do you ever find yourself saying, 'this is too hard', or 'I'm never going to get this right', or 'I'm late to work again!'?

When you say these kinds of things, you're essentially telling yourself that 'this is the way it is, and there's nothing I can do about it.' You're giving your brain absolutely no motivation for helping you find a solution to the problem you're experiencing - you're not making use of your treasure-finding ability.

A better approach to making general statements in these situations would be to ask specific questions that require a positive answer.

Instead of saying, 'I'm never going to get this right', a great question to replace that statement with would be, 'What can I change that will help me get the results I want?' Or instead of, 'I'm late to work again', why not ask yourself, 'How can I change my routine to get to work early?'

Getting into the habit of asking great questions, and not merely making general statements, trains you to focus your thinking on finding solutions, and being a solutions-thinker is an incredibly valuable skill that you can benefit from throughout your entire life (and business, too).

Another aspect to replacing statements with questions involves how you communicate with others.

Often times, we find ourselves in situations where we're trying to help someone see the benefits of doing something - we're trying to convince them to change their thinking, beliefs, or actions.

You'll usually not have much success doing this by throwing statements at them like, 'You need to do it this way...', or 'That's a bad idea!'

Making statements like this is one of the weakest ways for helping someone change their behavior. Why? Because people need reasons to change, and saying, 'That's a bad idea!' doesn't provide a single reason for what you're saying. In addition, while giving people reasons to change that make sense to you can be effective, the most effective reasons, the ones that a person will most likely listen to, are those that come out of their own mouths. And the way you draw those reasons out of them is with questions.

You simply need to direct people to finding solutions with viewpoint questions - get them to think about the results they want and what they know can help them achieve those results.

Simply say to them, 'What do you want, and why do you want it?', followed by, 'What do you think is preventing you from getting it?', followed by, 'How do you think you can overcome that obstacle in order to achieve your goal?'

By drawing out peoples' thoughts and feelings with questions, you help them come to their own conclusions, and no matter how wise your advice, or how smart you are, people are way more easily convinced when they convince themselves, as opposed to you trying to convince them.

Use Questions To Discover Opportunities

You need to become a skilled opportunity seeker - seeing opportunities in situations and places where most people only see failure, pain, or a reason to complain.

Why?

Well, why not?!?

Seriously, how much more adventurous, enjoyable, and happy would your life be if every day you discovered something that inspired you, motivated you, or helped you accomplished more? That's exactly what being an opportunity-seeker can do for you.

Finding opportunities isn't difficult - they're everywhere. All it normally takes to see them is a simple shift in your focus and perception, which is what questions help you do better than anything.

Here are two great strategies for using questions to uncover opportunities.

Ask, 'What If UP?'

I learned this fantastic technique reading an article by author Mindy Audlin, where she discussed turning negative 'What if...?' questions on their head, into something positive and incredibly useful.

For example, do you ever find yourself asking questions like this:

What if this doesn't work?
What if this is a bad idea?
What if someone has already done this?
What if this isn't the best time to start this project?

This is something Mindy calls What If DOWNING - the questions assume the worst and have a negative tone that destroys momentum and optimism. You can't see opportunities with this kind of thinking.

However, with just a simple tweak (removing the negative elements), you can turn those powerless, weak, and dream-killing questions into something more opportunity-driven:

What if this works?
What if this is a great idea?
What if no one has ever done this?
What if this is the best time to start this project?

The questions now shift your focus and energy in a positive direction, one that promotes success and action!

This is an easy technique to remember, so begin putting it into practice right away in all areas of your life:

What if I complete all my to dos for the day?
What if my meeting tomorrow turns out awesome?
What if my kids have a fantastic time hanging out with me tonight?
What if our camping trip is the best vacation ever?
What if I learn to love what if UP questions?
Ask, 'How Can I Turn This Into An Opportunity?'

Perhaps you've heard it said that every problem is an opportunity in disguise. Do you really believe that?

Well, think about this...the very fact that there's a problem indicates that somewhere, something needs to be changed, improved, or fixed...and THAT's the opportunity!

Your goal whenever you experience a problem or challenge is to identify what needs to be changed, improved, or fixed, and then change it, improve it, or fix it!

This is a different approach than what most people do, which is to experience a problem, get angry or frustrated about it, and then move on to the next thing, without giving much thought to the cause of their pain in order to find a solution for it. Because of this approach, they not only tend to do the same dumb things over and over, but they miss out on the real treasure - the opportunity to learn and understand.

When you take the time to identify causes of problems, it does more than just help you find a solution for that particular problem, but you begin to see and understand how the wheels and gears of the universe work at an entirely new level. Having a grasp of the 'big picture' like that will serve you well in all areas of your life.

Think of what would happen if there was a machine you had to use, and every time it broke down, you had to get into its 'guts' in order to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. Do you think that after a number of successful repairs you would understand the overall structure and functionality of the machine to the point where you could master its use to produce outstanding results?

This is the same thing that happens when you get into the habit of looking for opportunities in problems and challenges in life - you begin to discover all kinds of ways of how to make life work to your advantage.

What's cool about this skill is that you can use it to not only serve yourself, but serve others, and get paid to do it!

Believe me, if you experience a problem, there are probably more people than you can imagine out there in the world that have the same problem. And because most of them haven't trained themselves to find opportunities or solutions in their problems, they usually turn to those that have, and then pay them handsomely for access to their solution, whether its advice, tools, software, services, and so on. See, another advantage to being an opportunity-seeker!

So, if you're convinced this is something you want to learn how to do, how do you do it? You guessed it! With great questions!

Whenever you're experiencing a problem, or feeling frustrated, get into the habit of switching your mental focus to see opportunities using the following questions:

What's good about this problem?
What can I learn from it?
What practical solution can I come up with?
(Optional) What would [insert the name of an appropriate expert] do?

When you first begin using this strategy, you'll often find that you come up with little more than 'Nothing!' as an answer. You've got to learn to dig deeper! Remember, any treasure worth finding is going to require some digging.

Once you've found the treasure/solution/opportunity, it's a great idea to document it - write it down somewhere. This will help you not only burn it into your brain, but if you ever discover ways to expand on the solution, you'll have a central place to do it. And who knows, one of your documented solutions might even become so valuable, that one day you can turn it into a book, workshop, or some other valuable product you can share with others.

Have A Set Of Daily Questions

There's no denying the awesome benefits of daily practice when it comes to learning and maintaining a talent or behavior. World-class athletes, musicians, and artists all practice on a daily basis, because they realize that it's the only way to keep their high-level of skill in tact.

Becoming a skilled treasure-hunter (user of questions) is no different. It requires daily practice if you expect to really good it.

Fortunately, practicing this skill is much easier than most. All you need is a handful of great questions, and a few minutes each day to ask and think about your answers.

With that in mind, I suggest you set aside 3-5 minutes a day to ask yourself one the following questions (or some similar of your choosing):

What have I learned recently?
What am I grateful for?
What have I accomplished recently?
How can I be more giving/generous?
What makes me really happy?
What action do I need to take today?
How can I add value to someone else's life?

Each day, ask yourself a different question from the list.

For the best results, I'd suggest that you really give thought to the answer - dig deep for something that's meaningful, and then write it down! Writing down a clear answer (in a notebook or journal), filled with details and emotion will have the greatest impact on you.

This daily exercise brings with it a lot of benefits. Not only do you get into the habit of regularly asking great questions, but you discover things in your life that you may have never noticed or appreciated before. Do it in the morning, and you set a positive tone for the rest of your day.

Question Things That Just Don't Make Sense

I'm a big fan of Judge Judy, a TV judge who, with the skill-level of a brain surgeon, has the ability to ask questions that extract the truth from deep inside the minds of people.

Just watching her 'do her thing' can teach you a number of valuable lessons about how to ask great questions.

One of Judge Judy's overriding philosophies when it comes to uncovering the truth is that, if something doesn't make sense, then it's probably not true. She believes, and I agree with her, that things that are true, just 'feel' right.

What this means is that if you're ever caught at a point in your life where you have this burning suspicion that something just doesn't add up or make sense (something someone is telling you, or an idea or belief you hold), that's your brain's alarm that it's time to start asking some serious questions, and to not let up until you get answers help it make sense!

In other words, if you're unclear about something, and it's making you feel uneasy at some level of your being, you need to start asking questions immediately! Put your shovel to work, because what you discover may save you a lot of pain and misery down the road.

Summary

Discovering the best answers in life requires asking great questions.
Questions are so powerful because they engage your mind at the deepest level of discovery, drawing clarity, creativity, and emotion out of you more effectively than just about anything else.
It's a reflex of your brain that if you give it a question, it MUST shift its focus to find an appropriate answer.
Without great questions, many of the resources that you have hidden deep inside of your mind, which could be used to totally transform the direction of your life, will remain buried, perhaps never seeing the light of day.
Question Everything - Be curious about life by constantly asking questions that help you understand how it works, and why it works that way.
Replace Statements With Questions - Getting into the habit of asking great questions, and not merely making general statements, trains you to focus your thinking on finding solutions, and being a solutions-thinker is an incredibly valuable skill that you can benefit from throughout your entire life (and business, too).
Use Questions To Discover Opportunities - Your goal whenever you experience a problem or challenge is to identify what needs to be changed, improved, or fixed, and then change it, improve it, or fix it! You do begin this process by asking questions like: What can be changed? What can be improved? What needs fixed? When you get into the habit of looking for opportunities in problems and challenges in life - you begin to uncover all kinds of ways of how to make life work to your advantage.
Have A Set Of Daily Questions - This daily exercise brings with it a lot of benefits. Not only do you get into the habit of regularly asking great questions, but you discover things in your life that you may have never noticed or appreciated before. Do it in the morning, and you set a positive tone for the rest of your day.
Questions Things That Just Don't Make Sense - If you're ever caught at a point in your life where you have this burning suspicion that something just doesn't add up or make sense (something someone is telling you, or an idea or belief you hold), that's your brain's alarm that it's time to start asking some serious questions, and to not let up until you get answers help it make sense! If you do this, what you discover may save you a lot of pain and misery down the road.

Next: To Get More Of Something, Value What You Already Have Of It

unBelievable: You Win When You Help Others Win

2012-05-16T11:00:00-04:00

You Win When You Help Others Win

It takes no genius to observe that a one man band never gets very big. - Charles A. Garfield
The Law of Win/Win says, ”Let’s not do it your way or my way; let’s do it the best way. - Greg Anderson
None of us is as smart as all of us. - Ken Blanchard
A snowflake is one of God's most fragile creations, but look what they can do when they stick together! - Unknown
A dwarf on a giant's shoulders sees the further of the two. - George Herbert
It is literally true that you can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed. - Napoleon Hill
When he took time to help the man up the mountain, lo, he scaled it himself. - Unknown
TEAM -- Together Everyone Achieves More. - Unknown

Believable Ideas

Every man for himself!
I have to step on others to get ahead in life - that's just the way it is.
In order for me to win, someone else has to lose.
Why should I help others, no one ever helped me!.

Many people see life as a competitive sport, where the number one goal is to outsmart, outdo, and come out ahead of everyone else, even at expense of others (meaning that others have to lose). But there's a real problem with this philosophy - winning at the game of life is quite a bit different than winning at football, baseball, or soccer.

In competitive sports, the size of the team on the field is fixed to a specific number of players. The only way to win is for the small group of players on one team to bring their limited resources and wits together to outsmart and outplay the competition. These limitations keep the competition fair and balanced, as much as possible.

Imagine how different things would be if teams were allowed to entice spectators any way they could to join them on the field, have some fun, and ultimately get them to include their individual power and resources in a common goal - winning! If this were to happen, then the team most appealing to the spectators would likely have the numbers and force behind them to become unstoppable in their quest for victory! This is what life is like. The more people you entice to join your 'team', by promising to help them win (and delivering on that promise), the bigger the collective force you create to help everyone on your team, including you, win!

The reasons this works is because people you help win usually want to return the favor somehow. They either help you win by using a skill or resource they have to your benefit, or they tell others about how awesome you are - and those people end up joining your team, or they learn to trust you, and keep coming back to you for whatever product or service you offer (if you're in business), because you're a source of real value to them. This creates a positive snowball effect, to the mutual benefit of everyone involved.

Think about your own experience. When someone gives you something of value or looks out for your best interest, do you become a devoted fan or follower of that person, do you talk to others about them and the value they provide, and are you willing to return to them time and time again, because every time you do, you feel like they give you even more value?

In contrast, people who are always bent on coming out ahead of others - who do everything to win, even if it means others lose - they may win once or twice, but winning in life requires a lot of victories, and achieving those other victories will be much more difficult, if not impossible, as a force of one (which is what they become when eventually everyone they interact with feels ripped off by them).

The bottom line is, when you help others win, you can't help but win in the process. It's a pretty great system!

So how do you do it?

You've got to adopt a mindset of always looking for opportunities that will allow you get what you want while helping others get what they want.

Here are a few things to consider to help you do this more skillfully:

Become Aware What Others Want - Pay attention to others' needs and wants - your kids, spouse, friends, workmates, employees, and your customers. What do they regularly express that's important to them. Is it time, money, freedom, recognition, your advice, more responsibility, or something else? Occasionally just ask them what they want. You want to keep a mental catalog of this kind of 'intelligence', because you never know when you'll need it.
Identify Your Resources - Get clear about what skills, resources, knowledge, or authority you have that could be useful to others.
Match Your Resources With The Wants Of Others - Be on the lookout for creative ways to tap into your resources to give others what they want whenever you see opportunities for you both to win in the end.
Get Others On Board By Focusing On How They Win - People will be more than willing to join your quest for success (they'll help you win) if you spend more time convincing them of how you can help them (especially using emotionally-charged benefits such as freedom, satisfaction, happiness, etc.), not how great you are, or how they can help you.
Give Away A Lot - You've got to be willing to give away a lot of value to others without expecting anything in return. This may seem counterintuitive (as everything else in this book), but what you need to focus on when doing this is the incredible impact that simply giving away massive value can have on your exposure and ability to influence others (in a good way). Word gets out, especially these days when things go 'viral' all the time. Giving away something of value today, will pay you back dividends in abundance tomorrow!

Here are some real-world scenarios of when you could put this idea into practice:

To create a product (a book, workshop, or system) that allows you to share your skills and knowledge with others
To offer a service (consulting, creating, or managing) based on something you're passionate about or good at doing
When others (your spouse, kids, co-workers, boss, etc.) want something from you
When you want something from others (time, money, cooperation, a job, or a trade of services)
When planning (a project, a vacation, a weekend)
When solving just about any problem that requires cooperation from two or more sides

In closing, should you walk away from this discussion with the belief that competition is wrong or not useful? Not at all - competition has its place, but a relatively small one in the grand scheme of things. Even professional sports teams understand the importance of working together to create a force for mutual success, which is why organizations such as the NFL, NBA, MLB, and NASCAR exist. Teams in these organizations spend considerably more time working together to sell merchandise, land lucrative TV deals, as well as create an exciting and appealing game for fans, than they spend time competing on the field.

With most things in the game of life, you'll win more victories if you focus on building a mutual force for success (with win-win situations), than you will trying to win at all cost (win-lose).

Summary

Winning in life is not like winning at a competitive sport, like football, basketball, or baseball.
In competitive sports, the size of the team is fixed (generally the same number of players from each team are on the field/court at one time), which keeps the competition fair. In life, you can grow your 'team' as big as possible!
The more people you entice to join your 'team', by promising to help them win (and delivering on that promise), the bigger the collective force you create to help everyone on your team, including you, win!
People you help win usually want to return the favor somehow (by means of their time, energy, and resources) - they want to help you win because you're a source of real value to them.
If you are always bent on coming out ahead of others - and you do everything to win, even if it means others lose - you may win once or twice, but winning in life requires a lot of victories, and achieving those other victories will be much more difficult, if not impossible, as a force of one (which is what you become when eventually everyone they interact with feels ripped off by them).
When you help others win, you can't help but win in the process.
To create win/win situations: Become aware of what others want, identify your resources, match your resources with the wants of others, get others on board by focusing on how they win, and give away a lot!
Competition has it's place, but a relatively small one in the grand scheme of things.
With most things in the game of life, you'll win more victories if you focus on building a mutual force for success (with win-win situations), than you will trying to win at all cost (win-lose).

Next: Answering What's Unknown Comes From Questioning What's Known

unBelievable: What You Do Speaks Louder Than Anything You Say

2012-05-09T11:30:00-04:00

What You Do Speaks Louder Than Anything You Say

My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived and let me watch him do it. - Clarence B. Kelland
Words may show a man’s wit, but actions, his meaning. – Benjamin Franklin
I have always thought the actions of men the best interpreters of their thoughts. - John Locke
An ounce of practice is worth a pound of preaching. - Proverb
A man who lives right, and is right, has more power in his silence than another has by his words. - Phillips Brooks
Well done, is better than well said. - Benjamin Franklin
Children are natural mimics - they act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners. - Unknown
Live as you wish your kids would. - Unknown
Others will follow your footsteps easier than they will your advice. - Unknown

Believable Ideas

What I tell people should be good enough!
I want others to do what I say because I'm their superior/parent/authority figure, and I shouldn't have to explain myself.
Do as I say, not as I do!
Please...take my advice, I'm not using it!
So-and-so really needs to listen to my advice, I can't wait to give it to them!
I'm just not having the impact on so-and-so like I hoped - I guess I need to talk more or yell louder!
I do what adults do, my kids should do what kids do.
I expect certain high standards from my kids, but as an adult, the 'real-world' requires me to have slightly different standards than those. They'll understand as they get older.

We all have the desire to influence the lives of others from time to time:

If we tell our kids that honesty is the best policy, our hope is that we will influence them to act with honesty throughout their lives
When we tell someone we love them, our intention is to influence the feelings in their heart in a positive way
When we give someone advice, we hope to influence them in a way that they'll do something positive with what we share with them

One of the best tools we all have for influencing the thoughts, decisions, and actions of others are the words we use.

Throughout history, the right words, used at the right time, delivered with the right emotions, have been responsible for changing the course of history, expressing intense love, expressing intense hate, and inspiring others.

Understanding the power that words have, many of us go through life using them as our primary means for trying to reach the minds and hearts of others in various scenarios, with the hope that what we say will have an impact on them at some level (like in the examples above). Sometimes it works, many times it doesn't.

When we don't get the results we want with our words, what do we usually do? We either turn up our volume (yelling), assuming that the other person obviously has a hearing problem and didn't clearly understand what we meant, or we load them up with even more words - or both. Our belief is that if we keep up the barrage of words, our point is going to eventually sink into the other person's 'thick skull'.

This approach stems from the assumption that our ability to influence someone else - getting them to believe what we tell them and then seeing them act on it in some way - is primarily driven by what we say, how often we say it, and how loud we say it.

While our words are great tools for creating an impact, quite often, they're not enough. There's another force that creates a level of influence that is unmatched by anything else, including what we say.

I'm talking, of course, about our actions.

What makes our actions so powerful? It's largely due to what our actions reveal to others, which include:

Our Personal Convictions - It takes nothing more than a single breath to 'advise' someone that a daily exercise routine is good for their overall health and that they should have one and stick to it. It requires a much higher level of personal conviction and commitment to actually live by that same advice yourself. When you make a statement to another person that requires them to believe what you're saying, telling them one thing but not living by it yourself not only weakens your argument, it makes you look like a fool and a hypocrite - your words become worthless because your actions (or lack of) reveal that you don't believe them yourself! On the other hand, when you go as far as to consistently invest your valuable time, energy, and resources to live your life in a way that harmonizes with your words, it clearly reveals the strength and depth of your conviction and that what you're saying is something you personally hold as valuable and believe to be true. This level of conviction creates a sense of trustworthiness, respect, and integrity in your character, which often leads others to take notice and have a greater receptiveness to your ideas when you speak to them.
Results - Actions produce results that others can see as proof that what you're saying is true - something that words alone can't do. When you tell someone that having and reviewing goals is essential for success, and they can see with their own eyes that you achieve your goals consistently, and how happy you are as a result, it validates the idea you're sharing as true and reliable.

Generally speaking, peoples' brains are built to look for validation, proof, and evidence that something is true (including what we say to them), before they commit to believing and/or acting on it themselves. This means that when we desire to reach a person's mind or heart at some level, our effectiveness at doing it will largely depend on how well we back up what we say by what we do. If others observe that our words and actions don't harmonize, we come across as phony, our credibility suffers, and our ability to influence becomes insignificant.

Obviously, none of this is to say that words have no value when it comes to influencing others, but they should be used in more of a supporting role for our actions. As a rule of thumb:

Use words to reach peoples minds, and to convey knowledge (ideas, facts, details) and understanding in a clear, and inspirational way
Take action to reach (and motivate) peoples' hearts - demonstrate that what you say is dependable and true, and that you're a trusted source for claiming it to be so

OK, I'm done talking about it, now let's look at how to put this idea into action!

Set An Example

Quite likely, there are people that look up to you, they see you as an authority figure of some sort. These could include your kids, employees, people you teach in some way, or even a sibling. No matter who it is, I'm sure it's your hope to influence each and every one of them to reach their potential, appreciate the value of working hard, and to live by time-tested principles that lead to success.

But, as we've discussed already, it's not enough to simply tell those who look to us for guidance to work hard, be honest, or treat others with respect, unless we're willing to consistently live by those same standards ourselves, and they can see for themselves that we do.

The common philosophy of, 'do as I say, not as I do', is one of the worst long-term approaches for having a positive influence on someone else. When influencing others, the goal should never be to try to do it through domination and fear ('do it because I say so'). That kind of approach may make you feel important and strong, and you may see an immediate effect on the behavior of some, but these short-term 'gains' pale in comparison to the kind of long-term results you could experience if you instead lead by example, which affects others on a much deeper level - a level that has the potential to change who they are for the rest of their lives.

In practice, this means:

You've got to be the kind of person you want your kids to be - The idea that there's one standard of right/wrong for adults and another for kids is incredible naive and faulty. For one thing, kids have an inherent desire to mimic what their parents do (their actions). This is why you often see them walking around imitating their mannerisms, talking like they do, or even showing an interest in things their parents like - they watch and learn from their parents' behaviors, and asking them to do otherwise is pointless and ineffective. Another thing to remember when it comes to this idea of different standards for kids and adults is that, something is either right/wrong, good/bad, or positive/negative, no matter what age a person is! Telling your kids that they need to be honest in school, but demonstrating to them through your actions that it's OK to be a little dishonest to get ahead in 'the real world' is ridiculous - the fact that being honest is the best way to live doesn't change just because you're an adult! The standards by which you live your life by - how generous you are, your manners, the way you speak to others - will always affect your kids more than the ones you preach.
You've got to be willing to do what you ask others to do - You can't expect employees to value working hard if they never see you working hard. It doesn't matter that you sign their paycheck, and have the right to 'do whatever you want because you're the boss.' If your goal is to influence them to want to give their all for your business - making it more profitable, you'll see greater results, not by making them resentful of you because of acting like a dictator, but by showing them that you personally value hard work, never asking more of them than you're willing to do yourself!

Value what you want others to value. Say what you want others to say. Act in a way that you want others to act. Whatever you want and expect from those who look up to you, you need to become that person yourself. Set the standard by setting an example.

Show That You Care, Don't Just Talk About It

"I love you!"

"Let me know if you need anything."

"We need to get together sometime."

How many times have you found yourself making one of these statements to someone? Probably more than you can remember. Buried inside each one of them is definitely a good intention, but, as we've discussed, good intentions are no match for good actions!

Each of these statements imply that you have an interest in the other person - that you care about them, their company, and their needs. But when you think about it, how deep, and how sincere can your interest really be if you never back up any of those kinds of statements by what you do.

Showing someone you really care is often demonstrated by the sacrifices you're willing to make on their behalf. When you're willing to give of your time, energy, and resources for the benefit of someone else, they know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your sacrifice is driven by a deep and meaningful interest in them and their well-being. Instead of simply throwing some empty words at them, which tend to keep most relationships at a shallow level, your actions (SHOWING that you care) have a powerful effect on the strength and depth of the relationship, which is then reflected by how much you enjoy the experience of each others company whenever you're together. Isn't that the kind of result you're after? Yes, it requires more work, but the rewards are worth it!

But going even further, sometimes showing that you care also requires a bit of creativity. When you do something special and unexpected for someone else (leave them a love note, buy them a gift, or show up to lend a helping hand), those actions show them that, for a period of time during your day (or week), you were not only thinking about them, but they were special enough to you that you took the time to do something you knew would mean so much to them. The feeling of joy and satisfaction that comes from doing this is priceless, and should never be minimized or neglected.

I recently stumbled across a story of a family that had learned how to demonstrate that they care for each other in a very fun and creative way. Here's how it worked: A family member would anonymously and unexpectedly do something nice for another family member. At the scene of the good deed, the person doing the deed would leave a small object (in this case, a small, stuffed heart) that had been created for the sole purpose of identifying that a good deed had been performed. It was now up to the person who received the good deed to 'pay it forward', and anonymously do something nice for someone else in the family - anyone they chose - and then, once again, leave the small, stuffed heart to identify their good deed. As you can imagine, after some time, good deeds were being done regularly, and no one knew who was responsible for what! What an ingenious way to turn the idea of caring and love into something actionable and meaningful.

Could this idea be something you could implement in your household? Family members might think you're a bit crazy for suggesting it, because it does sound a bit corny at first, but ask them to give it a couple weeks trial. The effect it could have on the mindset of your entire family might surprise you!

Showing that you care doesn't have to be confined within the sphere of people you personally know. It's not only OK to show 'random acts of kindness' to just about anyone you can, but it's an excellent way of developing the habit of acting on your inherent human desire to be kind and good to others.

There are an untold number of ways to be a random kindness-giver - far too many to fit into this book, so let me just point you in the direction of where you can discover them on your own. Try these Google searches:

random acts of kindness
random acts of kindness ideas
random acts of kindness list

When it comes to these random acts of kindness, it's OK to find several that are your favorites (such as unexpectedly buying the meal of the person behind you in line), and perform them with various people. What's important is that you always look for opportunities to have a positive impact on the lives of others (both those you know and don't know), take meaningful actions in some way, and have fun with the experience!

Practice What You Preach

'Take my advice, I'm not using it!'

It's probably safe to assume that you know several people who seem to live by this creed. They may not say it directly, but as always, their actions speak louder than their words. How so? They're always more than willing to share with you all their best ideas and strategies for making your life better, totally oblivious to the fact that they don't even live by their own advice.

For example, they come across a great article about procrastination and immediately think of you, and how you never seem to accomplish your goals because you always put things off for later - never stopping to consider the possibility that they might need help in this area more than you do! But that doesn't prevent them from taking the time to help you with 'your' problem.

Once again, when people do this, they often mean well, but the disconnect between their words and their actions not only make what they say seem meaningless, but it can also be quite irritating to have to sit and listen to them ramble on about things they have no authority to speak about.

Don't be one of these kinds of people!

Before giving the other person any kind of advice or insight, you want to stop, and look in the mirror - consider whether or not you personally live up to the ideas that you're trying to convince others to live up to. If you do, you'll more than likely be perceived as a trustworthy source, and as a result, have a willing listener. If you don't, instead of just thoughtlessly assuming the role of a pseudo-expert, tell the other person that you recently found some information that might be beneficial for the both of you, and ask them if they'd mind if you shared it with them. This way, you present yourself as a fellow student, making the other person more willing to listen and benefit from what you have to say.

Is practicing what you preach easy to do, and are you going to always do it perfectly? Absolutely not! As was mentioned previously, believing in a good idea is one thing, living it is another, and as humans, it's not unusual for our actions to occasionally contradict our beliefs, no matter how deep those beliefs are. But I'd like to ask you to consider giving up any reckless abandon that you might have when it comes to attempting to point out and correct the flaws of others, while turning a blind eye to your own.

Be aware of the way you come across to others whenever the conversation shifts to you offering insights and advice. This has a couple benefits.

First, you avoid coming across as a twit - that's a biggie!

Second, by holding yourself to a standard of never giving someone else advice unless you can say you live by it yourself, you force yourself to pay a lot more attention to your own behavior, as well as look for actionable ways that you can personally use the ideas you value to help you grow.

Be willing to share anything of value that you learn with others, but do it in a way that allows you to avoid preaching what you don't practice yourself!

Be True To Your Word

Life is full of situations, behaviors, and requests that require you to make a simple choice...do you say 'yes', do you say 'no', do you approve, or do you disapprove? After you make your choice, do you then follow through as expected?

Do you show up when you promise to show up? Do you deliver what you promise to deliver? When you tell someone yes or no (like your kids), do you act in a way that proves you really mean what you say?

Are you known as someone whose actions consistently harmonize with their words?

Granted, at times, it may seem like it's just too much work at the moment to follow through on what you say or promise to do, especially with something seemingly small and insignificant, but it's important to realize that by NOT following through, you often create a LOT more work and time-consuming hassles over the long-run. How?

When you make a commitment of any kind, it usually drives other peoples' expectations and actions - they now have an investment in you and your promise to be true to your word. If you don't live up to that commitment because you chose to take the convenient path and 'blow it off' for some reason, not only do you send the person you made the commitment to a message that 'I don't value you enough to do as I promised', but there are always consequences that you have to eventually address that usually demand more of your time, energy, and resources than if you had just followed through as you promised. You've got to face others and make apologies, you waste valuable mental energy dealing with the guilt you feel for letting others down, or perhaps a whole chain-reaction of time-consuming issues are created simply because you didn't follow though.

In addition, a person who is considered inconsistent and unreliable is seldom listened to or respected, and as a result, almost always has to work harder to achieve the things that they want in life:

Getting others (including their kids) to act on their authority becomes more of a challenge, because they no longer command the respect required to motivate others quickly and effectively
Their friends, colleagues, and even members of their family, may begin to avoid them due to the uncertainty, frustration, and hassles their behavior brings to the relationship
Life becomes harder to manage and keep moving forward due to the constant disorder that ripples through their life from not following through as expected

On the positive side, when you DO consistently deliver on your promises, it not only positively affects those you've made commitments to (they trust you and see you as a person of integrity), but it also has a way of conditioning your own thinking, helping to solidify your own self-image as someone who takes action, delivers, and makes things happen, which is a powerful mindset to have.

So take your yeses, nos, and other commitments seriously: If you don't mean it, don't say, or agree to it. If you do mean it, don't just say it, but do it!

Observe The Actions Of Others

There's a flip-side to this concept of actions speaking louder than words that is as equally important as those we've talked about so far, but has less to do with your own actions, and more to do with observing the actions of others.

Hopefully by now, you're convinced that what a person does is a much stronger indicator of their feelings, beliefs, and convictions, than what they say. Knowing this, you now have a tool that can help you become a better judge of someone's character and inner motives as you deal with them.

In a practical sense, this means you want to begin paying more attention to peoples' actions than you do their words, especially when they contradict each other.

Take notice when they:

Say they care about you and your feelings, but more often than not, their actions leave you feeling sad or angry
Claim to be telling you the truth, but are very defensive, unclear, or evasive
Tell you everything is OK, but their behavior is noticeably different than what you're used to seeing
Continually fail to follow through on their promises and commitments
Say they believe something to be true, but have few to no results to back up their beliefs

To some degree, we each have an instinctive ability (intuition) to sense these kinds of inconsistencies, but may, at times, allow our emotions to blind us to the fact that they exist, causing us to dismiss them completely.

How can emotions get in the way?

Well, it's not uncommon for someone who's trying to deflect your attention from their actions to attempt to get you emotionally 'worked up' with the words they use - usually by questioning your loyalty to them, putting you on the defensive, or by creating some other emotionally-charged situation. Or you may care about them so much, that you the idea that there might be something wrong becomes too emotionally painful of a possibility to consider. If you allow yourself to be affected by that emotion, you weaken your ability to reason properly, often leading you to overlook glaring inconsistencies that could otherwise help you choose an appropriate course of action.

When someone tells you one thing, but their actions indicate another, realize that it's time to remove your emotions from the situation as best you can, so you can analyze what's going on using logic and reasoning - looking for actual proof and validation that what you're being told is true, and not giving up until you find it.

Don't be fooled into turning a blind eye to the reality of a situation, thinking that it's different than anyone else's. It's always true that what a person really, truly believes will always be revealed by what they do - pay attention to it!

Summary

One of the best tools we all have for influencing the thoughts, decisions, and actions of others are the words we use - to a point!
Many people have the assumption that their ability to influence someone else - getting them to believe what they tell them and then seeing them act on it in some way - is primarily driven by what they say, how often they say it, and how loud they say it.
While our words are great tools for creating an impact, quite often, they're not enough. There's another force that creates a level of influence that is unmatched by anything else, including what we say...ACTIONS!
Our actions reveal to others: Our personal convictions, and results.
Generally speaking, peoples' brains are built to look for validation, proof, and evidence that something is true (including what we say to them), before they commit to believing and/or acting on it themselves. This means that when we desire to reach a person's mind or heart at some level, our effectiveness at doing it will largely depend on how well we back up what we say by what we do. If others observe that our words and actions don't harmonize, we come across as phony, our credibility suffers, and our ability to influence becomes insignificant.
Set an example: Act the way you want others to act. The common philosophy of, 'do as I say, not as I do', is one of the worst long-term approaches for having a positive influence on someone else.
Show that you care, don't just talk about it: Showing someone you really care is often demonstrated by the sacrifices you're willing to make on their behalf. When you're willing to give of your time, energy, and resources for the benefit of someone else, they know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your sacrifice is driven by a deep and meaningful interest in them and their well-being.
Practice what you preach: Before giving another person any kind of advice or insight, you want to stop, and look in the mirror - consider whether or not you personally live up to the ideas that you're trying to convince them to live up to. If you do, you'll more than likely be perceived as a trustworthy source, and as a result, have a willing listener.
Be true to your word: When you consistently deliver on your promises, it not only positively affects those you've made commitments to (they trust you and see you as a person of integrity), but it also has a way of conditioning your own thinking, helping to solidify your own self-image as someone who takes action, delivers, and makes things happen, which is a powerful mindset to have.
Observe the actions of others: You want to begin paying more attention to peoples' actions than you do their words, especially when they contradict each other. When someone tells you one thing, but their actions indicate another, realize that it's time to remove your emotions from the situation as best you can, so you can analyze what's going on using logic and reasoning - looking for actual proof and validation that what you're being told is true, and not giving up until you find it.

Next: You Win When You Help Others Win

unBelievable: You Need To Be Reminded More Than You Need To Be Instructed

2012-05-02T11:30:00-04:00

You Need To Be Reminded More Than You Need To Be Instructed

Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens we have to keep going back and beginning all over again. - Andre Gide
It’s not knowing what to do, it’s doing what you know. - Tony Robbins
As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives. - Henry David Thoreau
Knowledge is of no value unless you put it into practice. - Anton Chekhov
To know and not to do is not to know. - Proverb
We are drowning in information and starved for knowledge. - Anonymous

Believable Ideas

The best way to improve myself is to read tons of new books, because it exposes me to tons of new ideas
It's a waste of my time to hear the same ideas over and over again
I'm a good learner - I take lots of notes, and underline important points
When I read something once, I've got it!
You know I'm smart, look at the size of my bookshelf!
The next book, seminar, or workshop is what I really need to turn my life or business around!

How many great ideas do you think you've been exposed to in your lifetime?

Think about it, over the years, you've learned various tidbits of wisdom from your parents, teachers, friends, books, magazines, websites, and even your own personal observations.

So now you have a head full of pure awesomeness that can benefit you, but are you actually using any of it, or is a majority of your time still being spent on the quest for even more ideas, strategies, or tips?

What would you think of a farmer who had a field full of fruit-bearing trees, but instead of nurturing and harvesting what he already had, was always on the lookout for a new field to plant in, to an extent that his existing fruit trees slowly wilted and died due to neglect? Why would he spend time looking for more land to plant on if he couldn't even harvest what he already owned? Sounds like a crazy farmer, right?

Well, if you're always on a quest for more knowledge without doing something with what you already know, you're just like that farmer - planting a lot, but never seeing any fruit for your hard work.

While important, it's not the ongoing accumulation of knowledge that's going to get you great results in life, it's the application of the knowledge you already have - thinking about it regularly, letting it grow inside of you - which motivates you to take action on it.

As you've seen already in this book, and as you're likely to see more of as you read it - quality wins over quantity, go deep instead of going wide, and now, focus on the value of reminding yourself of the knowledge you already have, instead of focusing simply on the ongoing consumption of even more knowledge.

Each time you remind yourself of a truth, belief, value, tip, or strategy, the deeper it gets buried into your brain, and the more you'll be able to recall and use it when you need to. Often, with enough reminding, it becomes second-nature to you, and that's when you begin to experience some truly amazing results.

Here are some simple ways of putting this strategy to work for you:

Slow Down The Incoming Flow - Obviously, in order to shift your focus from the consumption of knowledge to taking action on it, you're going to have to slow down the incoming flow itself. This means cutting back on books, magazines, blogs, and any other source that is currently flooding you with information. As you put into practice the strategies mentioned below, slowly introduce more of these sources back into your life - but keep it slow and steady, with your main goal always being to extract actionable information from what you're learning before moving onto the next thing.
Create A Knowledge Collection System - I've created and use a powerful knowledge-collecting process I call The Genius Mechanism, which you can learn about by doing a search on Google for, the genius mechanism (follow any of the top links for more information). This process uses mind mapping to not only help you collect and organize the things you learn, but one of the side benefits of using it is the way it encourages you to do mini-reviews of the knowledge you've already learned (the information online explains this in detail). While the process is easy to learn, you may not be familiar with mind mapping, or you may not like using it. In that case, what I would suggest you do is you create your own knowledge sheets for various topics that interest you. Take a sheet of paper, and at the top of it, write the name of a topic, for example, Great Communication. Now, whenever you discover an idea, tip, or strategy (in a book, workshop, website, or conversation) that will help you improve your communication, write it down on this sheet, as short and to-the-point as you can. Finally, at least once a week, spend a few minutes reviewing what you've learned and collected about the topic. Create as many knowledge sheets for as many topics as you need.
Do A Daily Review Of Core Knowledge - Core knowledge includes information such as your goals, values, beliefs, favorite sayings, accomplishments, or any questions you've found that give you insight on a regular basis. You've got to get these things down in writing, and then review them daily, preferably in the morning. You should give quality time to your review - giving real thought to what you're reviewing, thinking about what it means to you, and how you can use it in your life. This is a powerful exercise that can have positive impact on your thoughts, feelings, and actions, if you do it regularly.

In the spirit of this chapter, I'll say it again: Quit consuming knowledge for the sake of consuming it. Instead, keep ideas that you value in front of you as much as possible. Learn to appreciate that repeated exposure to them will allow their meaning and value to sink deeper and deeper into you mind and heart, to the point where they affect your thoughts, decisions, and actions in positive and powerful ways. After all, isn't that the ultimate goal of learning something new anyway?

Remember that, when it comes to knowledge (or anything, for that matter), quality will always serve you better than quantity!

Summary

Over the years, you've learned various tidbits of wisdom from your parents, teachers, friends, books, magazines, websites, and even your own personal observations. Are you actually using any of it, or is a majority of your time still being spent on the quest for even more ideas, strategies, or tips?
If you're always on a quest for more knowledge without doing something with what you already know, you're just like a farmer who spends a lot of time planting, but never sees any fruit for their hard work.
It's not the ongoing accumulation of knowledge that's going to get you great results in life, it's the application of the knowledge you already have - thinking about it regularly, letting it grow inside of you - which motivates you to take action on it.
To get the most value from knowledge: Slow down the incoming flow of new knowledge, create a knowledge collection system, and do a daily review of core knowledge.
Quit consuming knowledge for the sake of consuming it. Instead, keep ideas that you value in front of you as much as possible.
When it comes to knowledge (or anything, for that matter), quality will always serve you better than quantity!

Next: What You Do Speaks Louder Than Anything You Say

unBelievable: Failure Only Feels Like Failure When You Don't Use It Successfully

2012-04-25T11:30:00-04:00

Failure Only Feels Like Failure When You Don't Use It Successfully

I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward. - Thomas Edison
The way to succeed is to double your error rate. - Thomas J. Watson
Only he who does nothing makes a mistake.- French proverb
Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. - Sir Winston Churchill
I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. - Michael Jordan
Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. - Samuel Beckett
Fall seven times, stand up eight. - Japanese Proverb
Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. - Robert F Kennedy

Believable Ideas

The more often you fail, the bigger failure you become.
The idea of making mistakes and looking like an idiot isn't something anyone should have to endure.
Failure should be avoided at all cost.
Failing is devastating and hard to live down!
If I'm not absolutely sure I can succeed, I'm not even going to try.

The key to success - everyone is searching for it, and there seems to be an untold number of strategies on how to find it, but when you cut through all the clutter and noise, achieving success comes down to nothing more than your ability to take the right actions for experiencing the best results.

It's not any more complicated than that!

So when you break it down, success relies on two main factors:

Your ability - The confidence and motivation needed to take action
Taking the right actions - The knowledge to do the right things when you take action

Knowing this, doesn't it make sense that if you can find a way to boost your confidence and motivation to act, as well as improve your knowledge to do the right things, that you'll experience greater success at reaching your goals than you do now?

Ironically, one of the best ways to accomplish both of these objectives is to experience failure!

In a moment, I'm going to explain to you exactly how failure enhances your ability to succeed, but first, let's make sure your perception of failure serves you, instead of draining you of energy and self-respect.

When most people try something and fail, they often focus strictly on the bad end-result they experience, and how horrible it makes them feel. Failure often brings with it a whole catalog of faulty reasonings that play in their head, like a broken record:

Other people seem to do this effortlessly, but apparently I can't!
I'm not cut out for this!
Why should I waste my time, trying to do this again, if I'm not going to get the result I want?
I should have known better than to expect things to go right!
This is ridiculous, and I feel like a real loser!

Do any of those sound familiar to you? We've all said them to ourselves to a degree at some point in our lives - that's pretty normal. The problem is when you do it all the time, especially at a level that makes you mad, perhaps furious, or even outright defeated.

Whenever you fail at something, the bad result you get should never be the focus of the experience - it's done, over, and dwelling on it does you little good. The process that created the failure, and what you can learn from it - THAT should be your focus. There are always specific reasons why you experience failure, and it has little to do with you 'being a loser.'

So failures should never be used as opportunities to beat yourself up (if you're doing this, stop it!), you need to shift your focus so you see them as opportunities to learn and grow. Not just some of them - ALL of them!

With a new perspective of failure installed in your brain, let's now look at how evaluating the experience of each failure actually boosts your confidence and motivation to act, as well as improves your knowledge to do the right things, as we mentioned earlier were the keys achieving greater success.

First, how can something like failure be a confidence booster? It just doesn't seem possible, does it?

Well, each time you at least try to do something, even if you fail, you see with your own eyes that your world didn't fall apart as you may have thought it would in your imagination. This simple awareness drains the power from any crippling fear that may have been holding you back, and instead it builds your confidence and motivation to try something new again, and again, and again.

It's the melting away of this fear that results in more and more action, which eventually leads to more success.

When you think about it, like everyone else in this world, you've already had plenty of failures in your life up to this point. Despite that:

Are you friendless?
Do people look at you constantly and laugh?
Are you homeless?
Are you dead?

Unless your failure was related to committing a crime, I doubt that any of these are true. These devastating and humiliating kinds of scenarios are what we play out in our minds, but rarely do we see them play out in reality, no matter how big we may fail.

You'll never benefit from this kind of awareness, and the motivational feeling of liberation that comes with it, if you never at least attempt to do things that could possiblly lead to failure.

Now let's consider how failure helps give you the knowledge you need to do the right things when you DO act!

Let me start by saying I believe that people often put too much faith in 'book learning' alone. Now, I'm not saying that gaining knowledge from books, seminars, DVDs, and other people isn't important - it definitely IS! But unless you're a prodigy (and most of us aren't), it's unrealistic to believe you're going to get head-knowledge about how to do something you've never done before, and immediately be able to go out and do it right the first time.

Head knowledge (advice, strategies, and tips) can only take you so far in the learning and growing process, no matter how much of it you have. The best teacher is experience, which you can only get by taking action, and discovering for yourself what does and doesn't work, which involves failing from time-to-time - some times a lot!

You see, taking action engages your mind and body in a level of learning that head-knowledge can't compare with. And even if you fail in the process of taking action (which you will), you discover for yourself, at a very deep and impressionable level, what to do differently to get better results the next time you try.

As a matter of fact, one of the benefits of taking action (and failing) is that you begin seeing how the world works in a way that you never could experience otherwise. It gives you an incredible sense of clarity that, as a result, enables you to do more of the right things, more often!

So, in a nutshell, you want to:

Act -> Fail -> Evaluate -> Improve -> Act -> Fail/Succeed?

And you want to keep doing this cycle until you succeed at whatever you wish to accomplish.

Before wrapping up this chapter, I should clarify one important point: Embracing the idea of failure DOESN'T mean you intentionally do dumb things that have been proven by others to be a bad idea. Common sense should make it abundantly clear that there are some things you don't have to personally experience for yourself to know that they should be avoided at all cost.

As you've learned, experiencing failure may not always feel great initially, but it does have a lot of long-term benefits. It teaches you how to do the right things, and it slowly eliminates any anxieties you may have that prevent you from taking action for fear of making a mistake (or many mistakes).

In the end, you need to realize that a failure is only a failure if you fail to see it as nothing more than a failure. Think about that for a moment!

Summary

Achieving success comes down to nothing more than your ability to take the right actions for experiencing the best results.
If you can find a way to boost your confidence and motivation to act, as well as improve your knowledge to do the right things, then you'll experience greater success at reaching your goals than you do now. Ironically, one of the best ways to accomplish both of these objectives is to experience failure!
Whenever you fail at something, the bad result you get should never be the focus of the experience. The process that created the failure, and what you can learn from it - THAT should be your focus.
Each time you at least try to do something, even if you fail, you see with your own eyes that your world didn't fall apart as you may have thought it would in your imagination. This simple awareness drains the power from any crippling fear that may have been holding you back, and instead it builds your confidence and motivation to try something new again, and again, and again.
Head knowledge (advice, strategies, and tips) can only take you so far in the learning and growing process, no matter how much of it you have. The best teacher is experience, which you can only get by taking action, and discovering for yourself what does and doesn't work, which involves failing from time-to-time - some times a lot!
You want to: Act -> Fail -> Evaluate -> Improve -> Act -> Fail/Succeed?
Embracing the idea of failure DOESN'T mean you intentionally do dumb things that have been proven by others to be a bad idea. Common sense should make it abundantly clear that there are some things you don't have to personally experience for yourself to know they should be avoided at all cost.

Next: You Need To Be Reminded More Than You Need To Be Instructed