In this latest installment of Interviews With Seduction Masters, we talk to Mark Belmont, who recently launched “The Handsome Factor” which is a program which teaches men how to improve their physical appearances dramatically.

What attracted me to Belmont’s work is that the topic of physical appearance is one of the most neglected in the seduction knowledge base. His system can be found here - The Handsome Factor.

Derek Rake: Mark, the topic of physical attractiveness is not really well discussed by many dating gurus. Why do you think this is the case?

Hey Derek, good talking to you again. There’s a good reason why physical traits are not talked that often. Many dating gurus say that you can attract anyone even though you are as ugly as Jabba The Hut.

Derek Rake: Haha!

As you know, Derek, that’s not true at all.

Derek Rake: Of course.

You got to be at least somehow pleasant to look at to even start to attract women. And of course, if you are good looking, you’ll find it much easier to get women, or anyone for that matter, to like you.

Derek Rake: You don’t have to look like Brad Pitt or Danny LC Tan, but if you’re a decent looker then you’ll find it much easier to get women to like you.

Definitely, Derek. Looks are definitely important!

Derek Rake: I teach my students that women place far less importance on a guy’s looks than other factors such as security, emotional attachment and social standing.

I agree with you 100%! But still, looks is something that factors into their decision. They buy the whole package, so to speak, and if you do not work on your physical appearance, you will not be doing yourself any favors.

Derek Rake: Here’s something to think about. If you’re physically attractive AND you’ve mastered approaching, flirting and escalation techniques… then you’ll truly be unstoppable.

I’d say that most people drastically underestimate the importance of looking great.

Derek Rake: Oh yeah. Anyway, how much can a guy do to actually improve the way he looks?
There are tons of things men can do to enhance their appearance.  Most guys haven’t even thought about it!

There’s a few things that you CAN’T control – at least not without spending a fortune on plastic surgery or other sketchy things like that.  But my program doesn’t take you down that road.  Instead, I focus on the many things you CAN do to improve your looks.

And trust me, there’s a lot of things you can do.  My own personal appearance transformation required that I look after a huge number of things:  everything from skin care and hygiene down to hairstyle and fashion.

If you flip open a men’s fitness magazine, you’ll notice that the models all have different facial features, different body types… but they also share a lot of similarities.

You’ll probably notice they’ve all got perfect skin, great hair, excellent fashion sense, athletic physiques….

Derek Rake: …and these things are well within your control.

Exactly!

Derek Rake: And so I presume that your product takes care of all these things?

In designing The Handsome Factor, I wanted to take all the guesswork out of the equation.  I figure guys want simple, easy-to-follow instructions on how to enhance the way they look.

So my program is essentially a step-by-step guide to taking care of all these things.  In plain English, I’ve outlined pretty much everything you can possibly to do improve your look without surgery, pills, or other gimmicks.

Derek Rake: Sounds good. Give us a brief run-through of your program.

Well, Derek, I thought you’d never ask…

The program has a couple of different components, including a 240-page ebook… so if I were to write out all of the things it covers, it would take me ages!  But to whet your appetite, here are a few examples of the sorts of things I cover:

• How to buy high-end clothes without spending a fortune.
• How you can get perfectly straight teeth without braces.
• What women really think about chest and back hair - and how to make yourself look like a fitness model.
• Ways to safely and quickly remove moles and birth marks.
• The one thing you simply must take into account when choosing a hair style.
• How to wear clothing that hides any flaws in your body.

There’s also other stuff that I can’t tell you right now - I’d reserve some stuff only for the eyes of my customers!

Derek Rake: Dude, come on.

OK, I’ll let you in on something. There’s a list of five things a guy absolutely must check before he leaves the house. If he does this, I’d wager that his success will skyrocket by at least 500%. Failing to do so, he will probably be heading for the worst night of his life.

Derek Rake: Interesting stuff.

I’ve got people calling in and thanking me for the list. It’s pretty satisfying to know that I’m helping guys around the world get laid!

Derek Rake: Being good looking will also help a guy in other areas of his life I presume. So there’s more benefits to this than just getting laid.

Oh yeah. A lot of people find this hard to believe, but countless scientific studies have shown that beautiful people are more successful and happier than their unattractive counterparts in all areas of life.

On average, good-looking people have healthier relationships, more friends, better careers, higher incomes, and longer life expectancies.

So enhancing your appearance is about way more than just picking up chicks, it’s also about permanently improving your life.

Derek Rake: I read somewhere that this stuff has been scientifically proven. So it’s hardly empirical anymore.

There are teams of scientists who have studied this kind of stuff.  I’ve read all their articles and scholarly reports. It’s pretty boring shit but it’s all very concrete.

Unattractive people are disadvantaged at every turn.  All human beings have a genetic predisposition to avoid less attractive people.  It’s a type of prejudice, and it even has a name:  “Lookism”.

Derek Rake: I reckon that this prejudice also applies when you’re picking up women.  If you’re an ugly dude, then women will have subconsciously written you off as a possibility before you even open your mouth.

Hell yeah. It’s unfortunate, but it’s so true.

Mark Belmont’s system, “The Handsome Factor” is now available as a digital download. Quick buyers will be able to get exclusive bonuses, including personal coaching and the proprietary Body Transformation Tracker software. Click here to get started.

Last Saturday, Mr X (of “The Player’s Guide” fame) came up to Singapore and we caught up over tea on a sidewalk cafe on Orchard Road.

He told me this story about two guys, Mark and Sam, who he coached in his super-exclusive, $3,997-a-year Player’s Guide Inner Circle in Santa Monica.

“Mark looks like a smelly bum off the back alley in the slums of Compton, no sh*t,” Mr X says. “And he’s not exactly super smooth either.”

“Well, at least he could pay you nearly four grand a year for coaching,” I replied.

Mr X laughed out loud. “He works as a computer techie, and he earns some $30,000 a year. Not exactly a baller, you know. But setting aside a few bucks out of that per year to sort his life out is a no-brainer.”

I nodded, knowing how much value Mr X provides for his Inner Circle clients.

Mr X continued, “Sam, who hailed from up north in Brentwood, is nowhere better than Mark. He’s really not much of a looker, and perhaps worse, he’s a janitor at one of the malls in downtown Santa Monica. But there’s something about him that makes him a little different…”

The one little thing that made all the difference

“Mark thinks that his failure of women is because that he’s a nerdy IT techie, and the fact that he stammered when he got nervous.

“When he joined us only last month, he told me that it’s hard for him to get ahead because he thinks that he is not attractive nor rich.”

“This is typical,” I replied. “Many of my clients think that too. That’s before they read How To Seduce Out Of Your League, where I busted all the common misconceptions that a guy would have, and completely reframed their perceptions about women.”

Mr X laughed again. “Of course, your book is required reading in my Inner Circle. In fact, the other guy Sam, who I made to read your book *5 times* before I let him loose.”

“The difference between Sam and Mark is that Sam actually looks forward to meeting women. He is a naturally fun guy, and likes to flirt with women. Instead of focusing on his negatives, he focuses on what he likes about himself.”

“No prizes for guessing who’s bagging the chicks then,” I smiled.

Mr X replied, “It’s Sam, of course. Mark’s still learning the ropes, and I don’t blame him. But Sam is having the time of his life, already seeing many beautiful women.”

“I can totally relate to Mark though,” I said. “I used to keep thinking about the things about myself which I totally hate. I thought that I had to perfect myself even before I should go out and make my first approach.”

“That’s a common mistake, ” Mr X offered, “And, you’re not alone in this. Guys actually think that you have to have certain traits in order to make women like them.”

“Money, muscles and more money!” I said with a chuckle.

Mr X turned serious. “It’s the lie of the century. You absolutely do not need money and good looks to get a good girl to like you.”

The Magic Ingredient Of Seduction

“I remembered that when I focused on my negatives, my mood turned bad. Being bitter and resentful, I sent out terrible vibes to the women that I meet, ” I said. “I can’t say that I was totally surprised when they rejected me!”

“But as I learned the stuff from the Zen Master, I was able to become more positive. Just like your student Sam,” I continued. “And guess what, dude. The results that I got was amazingly fast!”

Mr X remarked, “That’s what I call the Magic Ingredient of Seduction. I don’t want to sound like a pseudo-science nut, but positivity really attracts positivity. On the other hand, if you’re negative, don’t be surprised that only negative women flock to you.”

I laughed, “How true. I remembered that only thrashy women wanted to sleep with me. Geez.”

Mr X smiled. “I tell my Inner Circle clients that whenever they feel good about themselves, then women will naturally notice them. And once they master up the techniques I share with them in the Inner Circle, women will naturally be attracted to them.”

I nodded in full agreement.

+++

You don’t need to fork out $3,997 to join Mr X’s Player’s Guide Inner Circle, but you can get the manual and audio program that Mr X use as the core syllabus to improve his clients drastically. Click here for this resource.

Also, tell me what you think about this blog post, and any questions that you may have. Mr X might be able to reply to any questions you have here (he just boarded his flight home a couple of hours back) - just give him a day or two, ok?

Presenting the first in the Seduction Mindbombs series of short reports…

How To “Control” A Woman Using Zen Seduction Tactics

(Right click to download)

There will be more to come in the next few weeks - and yes, they will all be free until further notice. If you like this report, you might want to consider investing in probably the widest read ebook in the seduction world today - How To Seduce Out Of Your League. Click here.

As always, please leave your comments about the PDF report below.

I’m sure you’ve been in one or more scenarios wherein you felt like you’re in control, on top of things and absolutely know what you’re doing. So have I. Most of these scenarios involve an area of expertise. Maybe you’ve been showing some people what you can achieve with a deck of cards, or you’re showing off your juggling skills (if you’ve been a bartender in the past).

Remember the time when you talked to a group of people about your science project, or the software you developed for your company? These situations made you feel like THE MAN. Women around are rapt at attention, and men are equally in awe. 

This experience is something that I call situational self-assurance.  

Everyone has that particular self-image that comes up in particular situations, some of which I already listed above. How you perceive your “value” in these scenarios dictate the way you act, speak or think. When your self-value in that situation is high, you relax and openly express your ideas and convictions. You’re more easy-going and will probably talk all day if prompted. 

Now there’s a good side and a bad side to this. 

On the plus side, you know you can be confident if given the right situation. However, the negative side to this is it makes you feel exasperated (frustrated, even) with yourself if you cannot feel the same way when placed in another situation. 

 Here are some of the factors involved in situational self-assurance:

 1. Social Confirmation. 

People around you are taking what you’re dishing out. They believe what you’re saying without question. The more your audience applauds your every move, the more proof you have that you’re in control of the situation. Social confirmation reinforces your status inside your mind and in the mind of others. This is one of the reasons why you are the coolest guy in the planet to your friends, but not to the random girls you want to approach in bars.

2. Clothing. 

The better you look, the more confident you become. The rule of thumb when choosing something to wear is to “dress as if you’re going to a party full of women”.  A lot of men prefer to dress casually without thinking of style or purpose. The fact that they know they’re not looking their best makes them feel uneasy and it will show through their actions. You must always dress to impress, even if the only person who thinks you look awesome is yourself. 

This is the secret to pulling off any outfit. Do you know how some guys just tend to blend their style into anything they wear? These men may not necessarily be models. They just feel comfortable and at ease with what they’re wearing. Women have a similar rule when it comes to dressing for success: wear cotton like mink, and wear mink like cotton. 

3. Higher status.

This is a big concept. This is attainable only when you believe that you are superior to others in terms of know-how, background and experience in a given scenario.

Observe how the most effective public speakers dish out a speech. They do not talk down to people, but rather, they express their views about the topic using the language that the others can understand. When you’re an expert at something, you can translate the concept in many different ways. This puts you a rank higher than those who can only talk about something in the context of the topic at hand. 

A good example of this is how programmers work. They develop programs upon programs, and they also need to present these programs to their company. If they started spouting numbers and formulas, their projects will never get approved (because it would seem like they don’t know what their own programs can do when applied in practical situations). They have to explain things in a way that the non-techies can understand. Someone who doesn’t have a higher knowledge of the topic will never be able to transcend the communication barrier, and if you are someone who can, you feel a lot more confident. 

4. Congruence with your role. 

Balance between your role and your thoughts simply means believing in yourself and in what you can achieve. Knowing you can do it is one thing, believing without a shred of doubt that you can do something is another.  If you’re completely in tune with how your mind and body function in relation to the role you’re playing, balance will ensue. Some people who seem to be saying one thing and acting the opposite are not in congruence with their roles. 

5.  ”Immunity” to branding by others.

Have you ever been told that you’re not effective by some people who simply want to put you down? Some may even go as far as to tell you that your style stinks. Objectively regarding their opinion will help you become more confident. If you let them get to you, you’re more prone to backtracking and your actions will show your lack of self-assurance. Ignore your need to ask for approval from others.

Situational Confidence is easily the biggest component of your inner game arsenal. Master this skill - and you will reap rich rewards down the road.

Body language is often said to be a key aspect in dating and seduction. 

Guess what - that’s VERY true. Mastering body language skills is truly essential in any guy’s ‘game’. But while body language is important, people have got misconceptions on how to use it.

The common thinking is that a guy should look out for the girl’s body language, and then react accordingly. That, my friend, is a totally wrong way to do it.

Why?

You see, if you only ‘react‘ to whatever signals that a woman send you, then you will always be one step behind. 

The key here is to LEAD, and not to follow. If you are a mere follower, you will look doubtful and hesitant to the woman. There’s no need for me to convince you that these are sure attraction killers.

When she feels that you’re not very confident, then it’s effectively game over for you. You see - the only way to win in this game is to be congruent and authoritative.

An attractive, confident man does not “read” a woman’s body language and then figure out if she fancies him or not. No!

But wait…

I do NOT mean that body language is useless. It can be very useful - as long as you don’t use it ‘reactively’. You must ‘monitor’ her body language, but just to ensure that you are doing alright. 

(This is especially important when you are using the “Pulling Her Into Your World” seduction technique - which I covered on page 34 of How To Seduce Out Of Your League)

For example, if she faces you totally, looks deep into your eyes and touches you, then you know that you’re fine. On the other hand, if she looks over your shoulder when talking, it might mean that you’re not doing that well.

In short, you have got to use body language as a ’signpost’ to know that you’re doing things right. You should NOT use it as a basis for your behavior, or for your ‘next move’. In fact, if you combine the power of body language with “Chase Reversal” techniques (tactics to get her to chase you instead - pages 45 to 50 of the How To Seduce Out Of Your League manual) then you will be virtually unstoppable.

When we talk about Natural Attraction, a few things come to mind. 

First, we know that the interaction between you and the girl wasn’t forced, and you didn’t go out of your way to place yourself in that position. It just happened. Not all men know how to react when placed in a dating situation that forces him to act naturally. 

These men freeze because they relied too much on canned material in the past. What does it take for a man to just ‘wing it’ in this type of situation? How can a guy be naturally attractive? Read on to discover the 4 traits that sit in the core of a naturally attractive man. 

“The 4 Traits of Naturally Attractive Men”

Trait # 1. “Zen Confidence” 

There are many aspects involved in developing real confidence. The most relevant one is being in control of how you react to the many stimuli that come when in conversation with women or with men who will try to provoke you. 

Reacting to provocation is something that we deal with daily, and more than once, the way we lose our cool is telling of the level of confidence we have. 

One other thing involved in reaching the level of confidence of naturally attractive men is your potential to automatically validate yourself internally every time you deal with problems or decisions. 

Confidence and self-assurance will increase your appeal because women will naturally gravitate towards you when they’re lacking in self confidence. 

Men do this too, and you instantly become the alpha in a sea of subordinate betas. 

Should this put pressure on you to be more confident? It shouldn’t. 

If you have a self-validation system, other people’s regard and the pressure that comes with it should not bother you much. 

That is the main difference between faking confidence and real confidence. The former wears off when pressure comes, while the latter one stays. 

Sidenote: For an easy way to gain ‘confidence on tap‘, check out pages 21-27 of How to Seduce Out Of Your League ebook - downloadable here).

Trait 2. Charismatic Fascination 

Being fascinating or at the very least, interesting, is an important aspect of Natural Game. 

Some say that this isn’t something you learn from a manual, and you’re either born with it or not, but I disagree. Attraction does not start when fascination is lacking. 

She will not give you the time of day if you don’t have that level of intensity that keeps women fascinated. A woman’s attraction will increase ten-fold when you compel her to listen to you. 

How can you develop this trait? You have to really engage women in conversation to always pick up gorgeous women.  

You can also teach her something she probably doesn’t know about her personality. If you’ve heard of cold reading and warm reading, this is what it’s all about. 

Girls are compelled to listen when you tell them something they’ve heard somewhere but never really explored. 

Trait # 3. Fun Tomfoolery 

You’ve probably heard that being funny is the most effective aphrodisiac, but at the core of being funny is the trait called “fun”.  

This to women spells the difference between being cheesy and being playful. Anyone can dish out lines of jokes and teasing, but it takes someone who can naturally stir a sense of fun in a woman to really attract women. 

Women need positivity, and nothing spells that out better than laughter. If you’re fun-loving, you are inviting women to be playful with you. 

They drop their guards because you are obviously welcome to their own teasing and jokes. If you can be fun around women, you can be sure that more than a few of the women you interact with regularly are dreaming of hooking up with you. 

You can take classes in improvisation, or you can develop your own brand of self-deprecating humor. If you don’t take yourself too seriously and you can relax at will, you will have better chances of attracting women. 

The funny guys are always popular; and surprisingly, they are also the most magnetic when it comes to romancing girls. 

One reason for this is that you can use your humor to contrast your seriousness when it comes to dating. For instance, a woman has always thought of you as someone she can joke around with, and for a time she might have been keeping a secret crush on you. 

If you suddenly stop the humor, and then turn really serious when telling her about your feelings, the effect can be astounding.  

Trait # 4. Manliness – The Zen Way

One obvious aspect of Natural Attraction is being able to make a girl feel more feminine just by being around her. 

No matter how many times she tells herself that she is a modern woman, and she can hold her own in any situation, she will always have that one man she feels submissive to. You don’t have to try too hard to make her sense your masculinity. 

The Yin and Yang of Attraction becomes more obvious if you can elicit that extreme feeling of femininity in a woman. The more manly you are, the more obvious the differences between you and the woman. 

Some masculine traits include dominance, and being able to lead your relationship. You must also be mature enough to handle decisions. All of these qualities will tell her that you are dependable, and may take on the role as provider someday.

That’s very attractive to women, regardless of your relationship with them. Having the aura of manliness around you will alert them of your eligibility as a boyfriend.

One of the significant realizations you will have is the real meaning of becoming a man in society. A lot of men get it wrong, and it follows that they can never really access a particularly important area of their psychology. 

Notice how other men equate real manliness with bluster and machismo? This grey area related with masculinity will make a huge difference in natural attraction. 

Some men are “manly” but they don’t attract women, while some others who are more low-key, don’t have big biceps and don’t have a booming voice do.

Most women see a manly man as a protector of a family or a group of people (including her). A woman’s perception of masculinity is at the core of her predisposition to hero worship. 

And, because we are talking about natural attraction here, you can definitely use this kind of attention to your advantage. 

Using this “attention grabber” technique, you will be able to make that very essential first step in seducing her (the Shift Your Focus technique on page 38 of How To Seduce Out Of Your League). This is often the make or break of a man’s seduction abilities - so it is important that you nailed this part of your game.

The most important thing you will learn in dating women is how to quit acting like a wimp. The idea is to never let your inner demons get in the way, and just going for what you want. You can apply this idea in your daily life, starting with the most obvious. 

Action Step #1: “Accept” yourself.

Let’s say you have a busted ego, and you’ve been through a lot of downtimes. The best way of dealing with the feeling of self pity is to just quit acting like a pussy and begin forgiving yourself for acting so foolish in the past.

Learning to accept yourself even after all the blunders and making sure that you learn from your experiences is the highest form of self love. 

The worst type of self pitying behavior is thinking you are too old, too skinny, too fat, too ugly or too dumb to really attract girls, even those who are way younger than you are. You need to quit acting like a pussy and begin going for the women you’re really attracted to. 

Action Step #2: Bust approach phobia.

Just go for it. The more you hesitate, the more your wimpy nature will resurface to nibble at your confidence.

If taking things further is the issue, you just need to quit acting like a pussy and begin making your move. There’s nothing more frustrating than a man who can’t lead, and women will tell you honestly that if you won’t take the lead, they’ll walk. They signed up for the date because they thought you’d be worth it. Think about that.  

Getting rejected does not excuse you for acting like a wimp.

Most of us do take rejection badly and we all need some time to lick our wounds, but for how long? The sooner you bounce back from getting rejected the better you’ll feel about yourself.

Spend an hour or a minute rubbing your ego and dealing with the frustration, then bounce back. Rejection is the psychological equivalent of getting a scratch.

You don’t cry buckets over it. You clean it up, put band aid and you’re back in the game. 

Many of these self-esteem problems get blown out of proportion because we let them take over our thoughts.

Sometimes, your thoughts and how long you let the problem stay inside your head is aggravating the whole situation.

For instance, a man suffering from a break up can be excused for being heartbroken and keeping to himself for a while, but what is he really doing with his time? Is he letting the problem consume him or is he really dealing with it?

The challenge is to act up and stay afloat regardless of the fear, the guilt and the pressure that every problem brings. 

Let me repeat that again: the problem must stay in your head for a short duration and never longer.

The more you think you have approach problems with women, the more you will lull yourself into believing that you will never be able to.

If you keep your anxiety inside your head, you’ll keep thinking “I’m scared” whenever you try to approach.

Second guessing yourself is the worst thing that can happen when you’re out there with women waiting for you to lead the way to wherever you want to take them.

When one becomes a student under the Zen Master it is an advantage that he is always involved with his students’ progress and can provide tips specifically for the Mastermind group.

Last Friday afternoon we had yet another session with the Master (who was joined by Mr X - author of The Player’s Guide) in his leafy gardens in Petaling Jaya suburbs where we talked about some of the more advanced Zen Seduction tactics - how to use the ‘Pre-Qualification Tactic‘ to generate attraction in women.

Below an excerpt from one of our discussions which includes a rather ‘ingenious’ adjustment to one of the questions that I posed to the Master.

DEREK RAKE:

When interested in a woman, should I not express disinterest so that I don’t come across as over eager? Perhaps I could tell them “I am not looking for anything serious right now” or “I don’t think that it would work between us”.

ZEN MASTER:

While you are right in that you do not want to express too much interest, at the same time you do not want to completely close off the situation.

If you say that it wouldn’t work between you she may decide that you are right - and then you will have lost any chance you have of forming a relationship.

Rather than discredit any chance of forming a bond with a person, pique her interest like so:

“Perhaps we can just be friends - I’m really looking for someone who can be that perfect person…unless you think you could be her, could you?”

(Note that this is also known as “Reverse LJBF” - if you are familiar with PUA lexicon you will know what I mean)

Derek’s note - if you have read Mr X’s The Players Guide audio program, you would have detected similar lines of thought behind the Always Be Qualifying (ABQ) principle.

Or:

“I don’t normally go for girls like you, but you have something special…”

In both these responses you are not saying no directly, neither are you giving an over the top invitation. If you were to say something negative like “I don’t think it would work” what will probably happen is:

1) She will know deep down that it won’t work between you.

2) You will realize inside that it won’t work between you.

3) Everyone around you will realize that it won’t work between you.

So what do you do then?

Rather than give a ‘definitive’ negative response, tease here with something like -

“I think that we are too much alike…we could never argue because…well you know…”

She will grill you to answer, and then you say the following:

“You are probably really into makeup sex, I can tell. It would just get too crazy!”

Now you are getting her interest and hinting at sexuality at the same time, got it?

ZACK ADAMS (Fellow Mastermind Apprentice):

Can you tell me if I am using the Pre-Qualifier Tactic correctly? I am asking questions like “what sets you apart from all the other girls?” or “tell me what you think I would want to know the most about you?” Other times I’ll ask “do you consider yourself adventurous?” or “what do you like to do to unwind?”

MR X:

These are fine, but try to soften them up a little with this tactic which I call “Putting Yourself In The Equation“.

For example, say it like this:

“I like to know someone in depth, not just on the surface, but what really makes them tick and what about them makes them stand out. If you could pick two things about yourself that would make you different from everyone else what would they be?”

As you see, this is a slight modification of the ABQ Technique I first presented in The Player’s Guide. You can use this technique for any type of question where you want to learn something without being too harsh or invasive.

—-

Attention Zen Seduction devotees…

Have you used a similar “pre-qualification” tactic in your interactions with a woman? Post your experiences here below.

In this blog post I will answer a question emailed to me at derek @derekrake.com.

Paul Duhan asks:

First, a little background: I perform magic.  You might even call me a magician.  Recently, I’ve been using it as a way to talk to women.  It works pretty well, and I’ve got a lot of tricks up my sleeve so they usually respond.

My problem is that I don’t know how to get past “Hey, funny guy, nice trick.”  How do I get girls to change that to “Hey, funny guy, let’s go to my place?”

Derek Rake answers:

Alright, Paul, you’ve got one thing down: your ice-breaker.  That’s a good start.  Magic appeals to women everywhere.  It makes you charming, interesting, and mysterious - as well as holding their attention span!  It gives them a reason to see you as unique, and a reason to remember you.  This will definitely make your stock rise with any woman.

Magic is a great tool to creep in and make an opening statement.  It’s a way to make your presence known and establish a conversation without seeming obvious, and you can use that to your advantage in a number of ways.

However, before we start talking about ways of getting girls into bed, you have to realize that approaching women with the mentality of “let’s go to your place” will almost ALWAYS backfire.

One-liners and cute jokes might get you into her good graces, but it’s not going to get you down her pants.

You’ve got to first approach the situation as a gentleman and get to know a little about who she is before you get to know her in bed.  It helps to be genuinely interested in who she is, not just where she’s gonna wake up tomorrow morning.

This might sound totally different from the advice of other ‘pickup gurus’ out there - but hear me out here.

If you disregard this advice, you’ll only be hurting your chances.  If you’re just out for sex and you act like it, the girl will pick up on your motives in no time flat.

Women are strange creatures, and have a sixth sense about men’s intentions.  Always keep that in mind.  They know a lot more than we think they do.

In lieu of trying to score right off the bat, take a some time to create rapport with a woman.  Talk to her and develop a level of trust.

Let her talk to you and she’ll develop confidence in your character. Which makes it easier for her to decide to sleep with you.

Think of your magic as the introduction, and before you know it you’ll be chatting her up and she’ll establish a very definite comfort level with you.

If you’re smooth as a magician, try performing tricks that employ physical contact.  For example, take her by the hands and lead her towards you.  Direct her on how and where to stand, holding her by the waist and moving her into the position you need for the trick.

Introduce her to the audience as your “assistant” (this will help her feel important, as well as establishing a connection between you and her, separating “you and her” from “the rest of the crowd”).

You’ve just created a physical rapport with a woman who otherwise may not have even spoken to you.

Moving on, we’ll pretend you’ve just finished your show.  Your “assistant” is fascinated by your tricks and approaches you:

Her: Wow, I’ve never been a magician’s assistant before!  That trick was amazing!  What’s your secret?

You: I can do a lot more than that silly little trick, if you’d like to see more.  That’s why this job is so great!

Her: Job?!  Are you telling me you’re a professional magician?  That’s so cool!

You: Why yes, I am!  If you’d like to see more… (etc, etc)

When you continue the conversation, it’s all about establishing a defined connection with this woman.

You’ve already opened the door, now it’s time to talk about what she likes and doesn’t like, what she thinks, what she’s been through, and everything in between.  Making her feel like she is emotionally valuable will go a long way.

The easiest way to get a girl to say “let’s go back to my place” is to remember the following:

Initiating subtle physical contact will not only create a subconscious connection between you and she, it will also prove you’ve got confidence, you know who you are, you’re in control, and you know all the rules to the game.

The next step is to draw her in.  Say things she won’t be able to stop herself from responding to.  Do things she can’t resist reacting to.

Have fun with her and tease in a playful manner - like she’s your bratty little sister.

Once you’ve secured this connection with her, and once there’s a level of intimacy she can feel in the conversation, it won’t be too long before she says, “Let’s go back to my place.“

On Wednesday I had gone to visit the Zen Master in the leafy suburbs of Kuala Lumpur, where we spent an hour in his serene yard enjoying Lapsang tea and talked on our favorite topic of the psychology of seduction and influence.

“Derek, I want to share with you today a very powerful method for creating strong attraction,” said the Master.

I listened intently.

“Perhaps not surprisingly, this method is also used by women on men. But before I tell you about the method, let me first tell you about something that happened to me twenty-five years ago.”

I nodded.

“Back in high school I knew this guy (Leroy) who claimed that he was dating a model four years older than him. He wasn’t particularly good looking, and he wasn’t very rich either. So, we all had problems believing Leroy. Instead, he was mercilessly laughed at every time he mentions about his ‘model girlfriend’.”

“So in order to prove to everyone that he indeed was dating the model, he threw a house party and promised that his ‘girlfriend’ would be there. We had wanted to expose him of the lies that he has been telling. I wanted to prove to myself that he was just imagining things.”

My curiosity was piqued. “So was she real?”

The Master paused for a second.

“Yes, she was indeed real. In fact, she was a downright stunner - a redhead with a slim, curvy figure with an angelic, pixie-like face. I was stumped.”

“Leroy, however, was not really “dating” her. Whenever I mentioned his name, she would either roll her eyes or just act uninterested.”

I asked, “Why is that so?”

The Master smiled. “I’ll tell you later. Meanwhile, we were ‘getting it on’ a little. But at the back of my head, the fact that she already has a boyfriend kinda bugged me.”

SORRY, YOU ARE NOT MY IDEAL MAN

“She pulled her lips from mine, and said: I like you, but Mr X, I can never break up with Leroy for you.”

“I asked her why. And she said that I was not her ideal man.”

I asked, “So did you ask her what her ideal man is like?”

“Yes, she told me even before I asked. She said that I was not romantic, did not buy her gifts nor try to understand her problems. She said that she knew that I was totally not capable of doing those things. Not like Leroy.”

The Master leaned forward. “So what would the Zen Seducer do in this kind of situation?”

I tried to chip in with my two cents worth. “He will tell her that the deal is off.”

The Master smiled. “Exactly. But remember that this happened way before I started to get any good at this. So, instead of running as fast as I could from her, I attempted to live up to her standards and started doing all the things she asked and expected me to do.”

“So did you end up winning her over in the end?” I asked.

He laughed. “Of course not!”

“So what happened then?”

“It would seem that whatever I did, she wasn’t satisfied. And the funny thing is that I found myself attracted to her even more. It was crazy.”

He shook his head. “Derek, don’t do what I did. Unless you are a real sucker for pain!”

I thought for a moment. “I think most guys would have had gone through this before.”

“Yes. That is why the lesson today is invaluable - and is a must-know for every man who wants to be good with women.”

WHAT’S THE LESSON TO BE LEARNED HERE?

The Master took a deep breath. “Here’s a simple fact about human psychology. Whenever you imply to another person that he or she is not living up to your standards, you create emotional tension inside his or her body. This tension remains unresolved - until he or she lives up to the standards that you set them.”

I tried to build on his idea. “So what I do is to come up with my own standards and expect women to live up to them instead.”

He nodded. “Exactly. It depends on what you want in a girl. Want a girlfriend? Then set your girlfriend standards. Want a short-term fling? Then do the same.”

“Strangely, the higher standards you set, the better quality women you will attract.”

“So let’s say I’ve got my three standards. What do I do then?” I asked.

“Whenever you talk to women,” said the Master, “convey that you are not willing to give up on these standards - not even an inch. Challenge them to meet your standards.”

“But what if they don’t?” I pondered.

The Master smiled. “Then tell her that you will walk.”

“Demonstrating the ability to walk away is another highly attractive trait in a man - but we will save this for our next meeting next week.”