DeRouen Daily Dish

Blindsided

2012-01-15T10:30:00.000-06:00

A week ago today I began a 7 day detox fast that was required before I began a 90 day cleansing program called Eat and Be Well. The plan is designed to detox your body, get rid of cravings for sugar and caffeine, and learn how to eat foods in their natural form, the way God intended. For 7 days I was to drink veggie juice and water for breakfast, lunch, and 2 "snacks," and then for dinner eat only brown rice and steamed veggies. I woke up last Sunday morning so excited to begin this new journey. I used my new juicer I got for Christmas and juiced carrots and tomatoes and drank it for breakfast. Surprisingly it was pretty good. It didn't take long for my excitement to end. Before I even had a chance to drink my lunch I got verbally attacked by someone who not only criticized me for doing the cleanse, but also did not understand or have a clue how it worked. I truly believe Satan will use any means necessary to bring you down, even those you consider close to you. Not only did this person deeply hurt me I was completely blindsided by this "attack." I was put in a position to defend not only myself, but the cleanse as well. I was in a bit of shock over it and spent most of the day crying and trying to figure out what had just happened. With the cleanse you really can't skip meals even if they are liquid only, and well with all the crying I did I just didn't have an appetite. Day 1-epic fail.

Anyone who knows me knows how strong willed I am. I decided to get through the week and the weekend and I am going to start again first thing tomorrow morning. It's hard to do something God-willed when you are ridden with anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness. Those who I may have ran into this past week, if I seemed cranky, moody, or just not myself... now you know why...and I was certainly not in the mood for any bull.

So here I go again, tomorrow is Day 1!
I dare anyone to try and stop me this time.
Failing twice is not an option. :)

New Year...New Me...New Life!

2011-12-30T18:08:00.001-06:00

What a year 2011 has been! Even though I'm not yet to my goal weight I must say this year has been a huge success for me. To date I've lost 69 lbs and over 40 inches. (I haven't measured in 2-3 months so I will update with that later. :)) For those who have been following my weight loss you know there has been many ups and downs, frustrations with plateauing, and my ever changing goals. lol I've also learned a few things about myself along the way. I've learned that I can deal with stress by going for a run instead of binging on chocolate. I've learned that I CAN run! lol I've learned that it's OK to not deprive myself and still lose weight. Moderation is so important. I used to think you had to completely go off the foods you love in order to lose weight. I now realize that is why I failed each and every time I tried to lose weight in the past. It's a LIFESTYLE CHANGE, not a DIET. I could go on all day. lol

Losing weight also healed me. For 2 years straight I was having trouble with my feet, more specifically my heels. They hurt ALL THE TIME! That is not even an exaggeration. As soon as my feet would hit the floor in the morning I would limp most of the day. I had never in my life experienced anything like it, not even with any of my pregnancies. Dr. Google explained that it was most likely plantar fasciitis and once of the causes is being overweight. I knew I was overweight, but I honestly didn't believe I was overweight enough for that to be the cause. But I guess when you are only 5 foot tall your feet can't take much weight bearing down on them. I was about a month into losing weight when the pain suddenly went away and has never returned. PTL!

Ok on to some news. Back in Oct my mom told me about a company called "It Works." I had never heard of it and like most people was skeptical about it. I then attended a party she had at her house to learn more about it. It's a christian company that sells all natural supplements, body wraps, and skin care products. When they say all natural, they really mean it. Research is done to make sure that what goes into the supplements is only what our bodies need. Nothing extra is added that isn't beneficial. They offer vitamins, muscle and joints supplements, anti-stress supplements, even all natural fat fighters and greens. The body wraps are not the sweat to death body wraps you get from your typical spas. These body wraps releases the toxins in your body. You do not sweat at all. It tightens, tones, firms, minimizes cellulite, and even improves skin texture. They also continue to detox and help you lose inches over 72 hours. They really do work and I am proof! Last night (Dec 29) I got wrapped for the first time. I wrapped my stomach and left it on for about an hour. I lost 2 1/4 inches off my stomach in just that one hour! Yep I'm sold! lol Earlier this month I decided to become a distributor. While weight loss is a big part of it, it's also about overall health. If you are interested in learning more please visit my website: Fit 2 Inspire

What a Difference a Year Makes.

2011-12-04T00:03:00.001-06:00

Prepare to be shocked. I mean really shocked. Let me first say that I debated all day whether or not to share this. It's still so very embarrassing that I allowed myself to get to that point. Last Christmas I didn't allow many pictures of me to be taken...and you will clearly see why. In fact I had to email my cousins to see if they had any pics of me from last year because I had none. Literally none. Poor Bryan looked like a single dad with 3 kids in all my pics. How sad is that?! I was so mortified when I got the email today I cried for almost 30 minutes. I didn't even recognize who that was in the picture. The girl from last year was broken and defeated. The girl from last year had allowed every stress, hurt, and frustration to get the best of her. The girl from last year doesn't exist anymore. At the beginning of this year I decided enough was enough. I made a lot of changes inside and out. With each pound that came off it felt as if a chain was being broken. The girl of this year is strong, determined, and a fighter! Even though the weight didn't come off as fast as I hoped it would, I never gave up. I still have 14 more lbs to get to my goal, but I know I will get there. Once I reach that goal my journey doesn't end. I will begin a new chapter, one focusing on strictly living healthy physically and emotionally. 2011 has been mostly about weight loss. 2012 will be about overall health and growing in my relationship with God. Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year! Can't wait to share the next phase of my journey with you!

December 12, 2010


November 24, 2011

Anniversary Trip

2011-09-22T13:21:00.000-05:00

I am back! Last Thursday was mine and Bryan's 9th anniversary and to celebrate we headed to Destin for 6 days of relaxation! It was much needed after this last year. It was about this time last year when his work really picked up and got really busy. With him being the only one in his office at the time he was having to do everything. He rarely had a day off and would leave at 7 in the morning and most nights not get home till 10pm or after. He kept trying to reassure me it would slow down but it never did. It's a good thing he had all the work because that means his job is secure and in this economy job security is hard to come by. However I was basically a single mom to 3 kids. I didn't complain too much in the beginning because I really thought it wouldn't last forever and things would go back to normal. I also gained most of my weight during this time. But by the end of January of this year I broke down. All the feelings I had been holding in for months all came out at once. And I cried...a lot. Not only did I feel like a married single mom, but I also really missed my husband. When he would be home, he would be so tired he could barely help with the kids or even hold a conversation with me. It was wearing on Bryan too. He wasn't getting much sleep and sometimes went a couple days with little to no sleep. That is dangerous when he drives a lot to get to the oil rigs. I was so relieved when they finally hired someone in May. And it has been wonderful! He gets off at a normal time now and is off every other weekend! We are both much happier and less stressed now that he is home more. So you can see why a vacation alone was much needed. It was great to reconnect with each other.

Anyway. I was so worried when I got home that I had gained weight while we were gone, but I managed to maintain my exact weight from the week before! I ate horribly too. I decided I was going to relax and really enjoy myself while on vacation. I never overate though so maybe that helped. However I felt yuck not eating right. I never got sick or anything, but I could tell my body was not appreciating what was being put in it. It was more of a "I just don't feel right" feeling. Eating healthy definitely is worth it. So this week I'm back to eating healthy and working out again. I have 16 lbs to go and I really hope it comes off before the holidays. :)

That's all for now! Here are some pics from the trip...enjoy!

View from our balcony

Dinner cruise

Our last night in Destin

View from our balcony

Losing My Pride and Finding Courage

2011-09-04T21:55:00.002-05:00

What a roller coaster of a month the past 30 days were. It all started with a garage sale. Just trying to declutter and get organized, you think it wouldn't be that bad right? Wrong. Before the garage sale was even over my eyes started bothering me and bad. They hurt, swelled up, felt like something was in them, extremely sensitive to any light, and wouldn't stop watering. But to look at them they seemed normal, so I just figured it was allergies. 4 days later after struggling just to make it through my workout I went home to find both eyes were blood red. Pink eye. So the contacts came out, got some eye drops from the doctor, and waited it out. 5 days later I felt so much better. The redness was completely gone as well as any pain. So I began to wear my contacts again. My annual visit to the eye doctor was the following week so I didn't worry too much. I should have. What was supposed to be a routine yearly eye exam turned into 3 weeks worth of visits to the eye doctor, finding out my infection was in fact not gone, but also one of the worst cases he had seen, and my vision was all over the place. Oh and apparently my nearsightness was better and astigmatism was worse! My infection is gone now, but last week my vision was still all out of whack. Today is the first day I have been able to see as clearly as I could before all this mess happened. Hopefully when I go once again this week he will be able to measure my vision and finally get my prescription for contacts.

Anyway, all that to say that is why I haven't blogged in a while! It hurt so bad to strain my eyes to even look at the computer so blogging was not an option! I'm so glad to be back! :)

So what's been going on? Well, with my eyes going crazy and school starting I haven't worked out as much this past month. And it has been killing me! Remember my goal of getting down to pre-wedding weight by our anniversary? Yeah well, that's not going to happen! That's actually 11 days from now and I still have 18 more lbs to go! Oh well. Can't change what happened and not about to dwell on it. :)

Anyway. Today I thought I would post an update of my progress. Note: Some of these stats are quite humiliating but I think it's important for me to let go of my pride and embrace where I am now.

Starting date: January 3, 2011, weight loss didn't occur till Feb though
Height: 5'0"
Weight Loss as of August 31: 62 lbs
Inches Lost: Arms: 2 Chest: 6.5 Waist: 7.5 Hips: 9.5 Thighs: 3.5 for a Total of 29 inches lost!
Distance I could run in January: Not a single lap...lol
Distance I can run now: 3 miles
Starting size in shirts: XXL (so freaking embarrassing!)
Size now in shirts: M
Starting size in workout pants: XL (again embarrassing)
Size in regular shorts/pants/jeans: 18 (yes you read that right)
Size now in workout pants: M
Size in regular shorts/pants/jeans: M or size 10
Just for fun, the capris that I blogged about a while back are now too big on me! :)
Emotional state before: Zero confidence and self-loathing
Emotional state now: Definitely have some confidence now and the pity train has long derailed!
Weight on wedding day: 119 lbs
Starting weight this year: 200 lbs even
Weight now: 138 lbs

Goals: To lose 18 more lbs...and maybe 5-10 after that. :)
To get back down to a size 4. Yes it CAN and WILL happen and I refuse to believe otherwise, so all the naysayers can just zip it, lol. Lastly, to get to my goal weight and size before the holidays!
I honestly didn't think it would take me this long, but I know in the long run it will help me keep it off.

It took a lot of courage for me to be able to post some of those stats, but I hope for those struggling with their own journey I can somehow inspire you and know it CAN happen for you. Don't give up! :)

Benefits to Losing Weight

2011-08-23T21:21:00.000-05:00

Sorry it's been so long since I blogged! I've had writers block the last few weeks. I do have one in the works, but you'll have to wait just a little longer. In the meantime, I came up a list on the benefits of weight loss. Feel free to add to it! :)

Benefits to losing weight:

Lower cholesterol
Lower blood pressure
Decreased risk of heart desease
Increase in energy level
Sleep better...this has been especially true for me
Reduced body aches
Prevention of type 2 diabetes
Confidence
Buying smaller clothes
Feeling less stressed
Decreased depression symptoms

Muscle vs. Fat

2011-08-02T14:14:00.000-05:00

Ok, first this is going to sound a bit preachy, although that is not my intention, but I feel compelled to state the truth. Let's just get right to it. First of all...I GET IT! I totally understand the never ending obsession with the scale. Women want that number to be low, it's only natural to feel that way. Of course I would rather be 120 lbs and a size 4, rather than 150 lbs and a size 4. Why does it matter what I weigh as long as I fit in the clothes? Because I'm a WOMAN! 120 does sound better right? But really think about it, who do you really tell your weight to besides doctors? One thing I am learning, and still quite stubborn about, is not relying much on that scale. In fact, I should probably ditch it but I just can't bring myself to do that. My goal has been to get down to pre-wedding weight. However, I've realized I very well may get back to a size 4 before I hit that weight. Why? Read on...

Ever heard someone say "muscle weighs more than fat"? I'm sure most of you reading know this, but there are still people who believe this. It's a myth. Plain and simple, muscle doesn't weigh more than fat. A pound is still a pound. Fat takes up more VOLUME than muscle, but 5 lbs of fat still weighs the same as 5 lbs of muscle. (See pic below) Building muscle boosts your metabolism and therefore you burn more fat at rest. It's ESSENTIAL if you want to slim down. You can actually stay the same weight and lose inches because you are burning fat and gaining muscle. I am proof of this. Back in 03 I weighed 119 and was a size 4. It wasn't until after I got married that I joined a gym and started lifting weights. I stayed 119 throughout that year, but my clothes were visibly looser on me. I was about to be shopping for size 2, but then found out baby number 2 was on the way. :) My goal was simply to maintain the weight, but I ended up losing inches as a result of weight training.

Let me add also, if you are a woman and worried about "bulking up," you won't. Even if you lift very heavy weights, it's not possible. Blame lots of estrogen and not a lot of testosterone. :) You will TONE your muscles though. The women body builders you see on TV or in magazines mostly likely use steroids...and workout several hours a day.

So sorry if I sound like a know-it all, I'm not, not even close. It's common sense really, not rocket science. lol It truly drives me insane when I hear people say that. I shouldn't be too hard on them, I too used to believe that myth long long ago. :)

What Plateau???

2011-07-20T16:01:00.001-05:00

Finally a breakthrough! I lost 2 lbs this week for a total of 53 lbs lost and never to be found again! I have 27 more lbs to lose to get to my goal weight. That doesn't seem like much more considering where I came from. It does seem like a lot when I want to lose them by September. Regardless of when it happens I will be happy each week...as long as I'm losing. I honestly believe I put way to much pressure on myself to reach goals that may or may not be realistic. Then I go into stress mode when I don't meet them. I do believe when I set the goal a few weeks back to lose 2.7 lbs each week it was realistic. I have been losing 2-3 lbs a week so it seemed like a walk in the park. But the immense pressure I put on myself took it's toll. I lowered my calories and worked out twice a day some days. I was having headaches daily and my hair was shedding more than normal, both signs of stress or inadequate nutrition. Not to mention I was extremely cranky. Lesson learned. When I finally gave myself permission to relax and not worry about meeting goals the 2 lbs finally came off. Now I'm not saying don't have goals. Goals are good to have as long as they are realistic. Mini goals like to lose the first 10 lbs, then 20, etc, are really good to start with. It's when you put a time limit on yourself that goals become a problem. I was becoming obsessed with the scale, weighing myself 3-4 times a day monitoring for fluctuations. Total nonsense. I can tell you exactly what prompted the nonsense. 2 years ago when I started the journey once again, I did lose 31 lbs and was halfway to my goal. Then I started to relax more and as much as I hate to admit it, I got complacent with it. It wasn't so much that I was satisfied at the weight I was, it was more of a feeling of needing to take a break for a while thinking everything would be fine and I'd be able to start back up with no problem. Ha! That complacence caused me to gain all the weight back plus 25 more lbs! So when I hit the halfway mark back in May, I got scared...really scared. I was so worried I would fall off the wagon again and gain the weight back. It didn't occur to me at the time that mentally and emotionally I'm much stronger and absolutely NOTHING can get me to fall off again. When I look back at how far I've come and all the hard work I've put into it, that alone scares me to not gain the weight back. I've worked way too hard to get here and don't want to have all that hard work go to waste. Plus I think my trainer may strangle me if I did! haha! So I guess I've been worrying for nothing. Talk about blog self-therapy! LOL! Oh I will still have my goal of 27 lbs left to lose, but if I don't make it by September that new dress and bikini I bought will just have to wait. :)

Decluttering, Organizing, and Weight Loss

2011-07-17T21:06:00.000-05:00

This weekend I've been cleaning out closets and bedrooms and trying to get organized. I've held onto certain things thinking I would eventually use them again only to realize a year has passed and they remain unused. While cleaning out my closet and making a huge garage sale pile, it occurred to me that being organized in all areas of your life can actually help with weight loss. If you are surrounded by clutter and chaos, it can cause you to feel overwhelmed, stressed, and fatigued, all which can cause you be unmotivated or have the energy to devote to cleaning as well as taking care of yourself. For me, being organized helps me to feel relaxed and more able to think clearly. Being able to think clearly helps me be able to focus on my weight loss goals. It also doesn't allow me to use the excuse of not having time to devote to living healthy. There are 3 times a year that I do a major cleaning: right before school begins, right after Christmas, and right after school ends. The rest of the year is just picking up here and there. Believe me, as a mom of 3, it's not easy being or staying organized. I thought I share some of my organizing tips that have helped me. :)

If you haven't used something in a year or more chances are you probably won't ever use it again. It's just taking up space, collecting dust, and you've probably forgotten about it anyway. Get rid of it.
Don't hang onto your "fat clothes." You don't want to give yourself the option of gaining the weight back. Only keep clothes you can wear now or that you will be able to wear once you lose weight. Donate the rest.
Old magazines and newspapers can be recycled or given away, otherwise they are just clutter.
Throw out food that has gone bad. If there is any food not worthy of your weight loss efforts and are non-perishable, donate them to your nearest food bank. Or clean out a cabinet in the kitchen just for you to keep your healthy foods in so you won't be tempted by the rest of the family's snacks.
Straighten cabinets and drawers. Even hidden clutter can be draining especially when you can't locate that one item you are looking for.
Organize loose papers/bills. Shred those you throw out, no need to risk identity theft.
Get a notebook to track your fitness and nutrition and help you figure out your goals. Some find this essential to helping them get on track.
Plan your meals ahead of time and set aside one day each week or every 2 weeks to shop for things you may need. This will eliminate having to make multiple trips to the grocery store through the week just for one or two items, therefore saving time. Cut up fruits and veggies as soon as you get home.
The night before make sure lunches are packed, vehicles are gassed up, and clothes ironed and ready to go. I can't tell you how many times I've ran late because I was about to run out of gas or just pulling my clothes out of the dryer. Having it done the night before gives me a few extra minutes to sleep in.

I totally get that organizing can be very overwhelming. I'm not always on top of it, but I'm working to change that. I have found when I'm in control of my surroundings I am less stressed and have more energy for my workouts. I would love to hear if anyone has any other tips. :)

Speaking of Plateaus...

2011-07-12T14:21:00.003-05:00

Stupid plateau. Calories slashed, check. Working out harder, check. Keeping hydrated...check. Getting enough sleep...check. Losing my mind...CHECK! That scale better start dropping again. I've been doing everything right and last week only lost 1 lb. I should be happy right? Well, I wasn't happy. In fact I freaked out a bit about it. I haven't lost less than 2 lbs a week in months. My trainer would say I had a mild meltdown over it. I blame it on PGTES, or pre-girly time extreme sensitivity, you know where every situation seems 100 times worse than it really is. LOL My meltdown wasn't just about the numbers on the scale. I put myself on a deadline to meet my goal weight. The pressure I have put on myself has caused unnecessary stress on me. It consumes my every thought. What to eat, what not to eat, how much water I need, how much I need to workout, must fit in a bikini...lol. When did I become THAT GIRL? Why is this deadline so important? Just read a few posts back. Being at my pre-wedding weight by our anniversary is so important to me. It's a huge milestone at a significant time. However, the number just doesn't want to budge at all and I surely don't need extra stress. It's time to reevaluate. Will it kill me if I don't meet the goal weight by our anniversary? I suppose not. The world won't end if I'm still 10 lbs away. It's time I stop obsessing about meeting the deadline and just relax. I just need to let go. That won't be easy for me, but I'm going to give it a try. I'm sure my trainer will be happy with that decision. I'm sure I am driving him crazy with my so called meltdowns as he put it. lol Letting myself off the hook does bring a sense of peace that I have needed. Maybe, just maybe, I'll have a good report from the scale tomorrow. And if I don't, I promise G I won't freak out about it! ;)

Update: Not one single pound lost this week. I'm trying my best not to freak out about it. I've already made adjustments, but it looks like I'm going to have to make a few more.

Beating Workout Boredom

2011-07-02T17:06:00.000-05:00

We've all been there. One minute you are on the treadmill running for your life and loving it, and the next you are glazed over wondering when it's going to be over. You are constantly looking down to see if you have those miles done yet or looking at the clock every 5 minutes. Yes the inevitable workout boredom. I am THERE! Well on the cardio side anyway. I still love love love to run (only in the evenings these days, way too hot!) and still very much loving the spin class, but the treadmill is becoming as boring to me as watching the grass grow. Walking or running in place looking at the same thing for 30-45 minutes causes me to want to rush through it or end it early. One thing I love about working with my trainer is we rarely do the same thing twice in a row. The body adapts quickly so changing it up helps fat burn faster and to avoid plateaus. Not knowing what to expect on those days can be exciting and quite scary! I never know what crazy things he will make me do! LOL! Back to the cardio. It's time for me to start changing it up a bit. I tried the stairmaster the other day...again...and did not like it...again. But I didn't like running in the beginning either, or kettlebell swings! So I'm going to give the stairmaster another chance to prove me wrong and hopefully I will learn to love it too.

Anyway. A few months back I mentioned I wanted to become a certified personal trainer. I'm really hoping that this October I will be getting my certification. By then I will have met my goal and Kaylee will finally be in school. I'm super excited and nervous at the same time. I have been receiving so many emails asking for advice and I am truly honored to be able to share my journey and inspire others on theirs. I'm also amazed at the amount of support I have received. So thank you all who have been supporting and following my journey. I can't wait to begin the next one. :)

Picture Perfect

2011-06-26T17:51:00.000-05:00

Why is it that as women we put so much pressure on ourselves? We try to be the perfect wife, the perfect mom, have the perfect house or car, having the perfect job, and of course having the perfect body. We see celebrities gracing the covers of magazines who had babies, even twins, and are in a bikini the next day. We try to match that perfection and when we ultimately fall short we become discouraged. Why do we let society determine what perfection has to be? Why can't we just be happy with who we are? This past week I was feeling particularly discouraged about a certain part of my body. When I asked my trainer if we could work on it a little more or differently, I believe his response was "Can I slap you now?" LOL He handed me a 50 lb kettle bell and told me to stand there declare I was not happy with where I am now. The fact that I am 2 lbs away from a 50 lb weight loss and that this certain body part is surely smaller than it was 5 months ago got lost in my thinking and wishing I was smaller NOW. 2 years ago when I started this journey I had ordered some capris online, and when they came in they were still too small even though I had lost 31 lbs. To be honest I couldn't even get them all the way up. I decided to keep them anyway, you know...just in case. Today I weigh 7 lbs MORE than I did when they came in and was able to wear them to church this morning. I will forever shut up and quit complaining! The fact is I am in much better shape than I was 2 years ago. The fact is that slow weight loss instead of instant is not only healthier, but necessary if you want to be able to keep it off. And by the way, my trainer did not slap me, just brought me back to my senses. LOL It's easy to get caught up in the fantasy that quick weight loss is the answer. If you are struggling with the last few pounds, or like me the last half of your journey, look back to where you began and see the progress you made. Take a picture of yourself now, compare it to where you used to be, sometimes all you need is a little reminder! :)

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-18T02:07:00.003-05:00

Happy Father's Day to my awesome husband! He truly is the best husband and father to our kids. No matter how tired he is from working he always makes family time priority and for that I am truly thankful. Happy Father's Day to my wonderful step dad, Duane. I am so blessed to have a man like him as my step dad and I'm so thankful for everything he has done for me and my family.

It's been 13 1/2 years since I lost my dad and it really doesn't get any easier with time. I wish I could say it did, but I would be lying. I miss him so much. I often look at my kids and think how much my dad would have adored them. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of him in my 7 year old, who has his sense of humor and loves to kid around. He made a choice and is now missing out on so much. I could go on, but it's hard typing through the tears. I have a hard time just letting go of my feelings for everyone to read. Opening up makes one vulnerable and I've become really good at keeping that wall up. So instead I made a video in remembrance of him. Make sure you have the volume turned up. Happy Father's Day, Dad.

Dedication...Powerful Word From the Past

2011-06-11T10:21:00.004-05:00

I am always calculating how long it will take me to reach a certain weight, or how many pounds I need to lose by a certain date. Having goals is a driving force for me. When Bryan and I got engaged I had gained some weight. I guess I had forgotten I was not a teenager anymore and eating whatever I wanted was not an option! So when it was time to start looking for a dress it was also time to set a goal. I needed to lose 29 lbs before we got married. I ended up losing 35 lbs with still a month to spare! I was smaller than I was in high school! It's funny cause even though I was a size 4, I still thought I was fat. If only I had known how ridiculous that kind of thinking was back then.

Several months after we got married I made the decision to join a gym to stay in shape. 8 years ago I joined Planet Fitness. (Now Exygon) I would get up every morning at 4:30 and work out for 2 hours straight. First hour would be cardio, second hour would be weights. Mon/Wed/Fri would be legs days, Tues/Thurs/Sat would be arms, chest, and back. Every day would be abs! One day in particular stands out to me. Towards the end of my workout a trainer nearby looked at me and said these words "man, I have never seen such dedication." Had this trainer known back then how insignificant those words may have seemed, they were really significant to me, and I have never forgotten them. Dedication. I did have it back then. I tried to get it back 2 years ago when I started back on this journey. The word taunted me. I felt I may never get that dedication to working out and eating healthy back. So many times I tried, so many times I started to succeed, and so many times I failed.

I refuse to fail this time. Failure is NOT an option. I am past the halfway goal of my weight loss and now I have a new goal. Last night I calculated once again how much weight I would need to lose each week to get to my goal. It works out that if I lose 2.7 lbs each week, I will be down to the weight I was when we got married...by our anniversary. The timing with that couldn't be more perfect. It's very important to me to reach this goal. And that is where dedication comes in. I'm already working out 5 days a week, but starting next week 4 of those days I will be hitting the gym twice a day for 10 weeks. Dedication. Will it be easy? Probably not, but it's worth trying for. That same trainer told me just a few months ago, that I have succeeded and failed so much that one day it will click, and I will finally just succeed. That day will be Sept 15, 2011. :)

Where Memories Are Made

2011-06-05T16:27:00.006-05:00

Beach Bums... :)

2011-06-04T10:03:00.004-05:00

We are back from the beach! We had such a good time and made a lot of memories. I was so not ready to leave. The beach has always been one of my favorite places to be at. Growing up my mom and dad took me to Destin, FL every summer for vacation and I am sure that is where my love for it began. I always tell Bryan that when the kids are grown I want to live on a beach with clear water, white sand, and a great view from our house, where you can just walk out the door straight on to the beach. Sigh. Yes it will happen one day, I am certain of it. :) We went to Gulf Shores, AL this year. It was my family, my mom and step dad, and my step brother, Michael and his wife, April. My other step brother Stephen and his family couldn't make it and we sure missed them! Never a dull moment when you get the family together. We had a lot of laughs for sure! We spent every day hanging out at the beach or the pool. Bryan, Ashton (my 7 year old), and I went parasailing the first day. It was their first time and my 4th time. It's so much fun and I still can't believe Ashton did it!

Eating healthy and working out while on vacation proved to be much harder than I thought it would. I did bring my workout clothes and I did buy healthy snacks to eat once we got there. The fitness center wasn't open 24 hrs. By the time it was open we were heading down to the beach and by the time we were done at the beach I was too exhausted to workout. Jordan and I did get up one morning and ran barefoot on the beach near the water where the sand is more packed and easier to walk on. We ran about a mile total and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It was actually relaxing. I could get used to that! I guess all the swimming I did was a good workout because I didn't gain a single pound while there! I maintained my weight all week. I was super worried because I forgot my scale and the dinners we ate weren't exactly healthy and the healthy choices were slim pickings. So I was really happy when I woke up this morning and jumped on the scale to see I was still at the same weight I was when we left. :)

I have definitely missed running and working out at the gym this past week so I am super ready to get back into routine. It's time to get those last 40 lbs out of the way! I am so ready to be done with the losing part of it and ready to work on maintaining. That part was always easier for me. Next summer I will be on the beach without a cover up!!! :)

I AM HALFWAY THERE!!!

2011-05-26T23:53:00.004-05:00

That's right! I am HALFWAY to my goal! As of yesterday I have lost a total of 40 lbs!!! Yes that means 40 more to go, and for those who are skeptical, yes it's there... trust me! I still got a big ol booty! LOL! I am only 5 foot tall so that doesn't really help either. But it is what it is and I'm working hard to change it. I am celebrating my milestone with a massage tomorrow, thanks to Bryan for the gift certificate for Mother's day, as well as a body wrap. Hey I can use all the help I can get! :) Last week I hit another milestone, I ran 2 miles nonstop for the first time ever! The running is definitely the key factor to getting the weight off faster for me. I have noticed I lose more on the weeks I run.

This is going to be a short blog since it's like midnight and I'm waiting on my clothes to finishing washing before heading to bed. Fun Thursday night! lol In 2 days we are leaving for the beach. 3 months ago I was dreading this vacation. The thought of a bathing suit would send me into an anxiety attack. But it was also a huge motivation! Even though I still have a ways to go, I am feeling better about being in a bathing suit. In fact, I had to get it altered last week as it was a tad too big! Love that feeling! And just because we are going on vacation doesn't mean my diet and workout will too. The condo we are staying in has a small fitness center and I am packing my workout clothes! Yep, working out at the beach! I also plan to go to the store as soon as we get there and stock up on fruits and veggies. For me there is no vacation from a healthy lifestyle anymore. I used to "take a break" on vacations and it usually ended up with me taking a break for good and gaining the weight back. Not this time. This is a lifestyle change, not a temporary one. Being healthy is way too important to me now, as well as looking good and having confidence of course. It's not worth the emotional roller coaster to even think of going back to old habits. I even plan to bring my scale with me to make sure I stay on track.

I have a lot more to say but it's late and I'm tired. Stay tuned to find out just how well I do on my vacation... :)

Quick Update

2011-05-07T20:05:00.010-05:00

Well it's been a couple weeks so I thought I would do a quick update. As far as the goals I set for the month of April here is the run down...for the 10 lbs I wanted to lose, I lost 8, not too bad...for the 90 miles I tried to make, I got to 40 from April 7-30, I didn't have as much time to devote to that as I thought I would. ha! As of last Wednesday I have lost a total of 32 lbs! Almost halfway to my goal! I'm still running and loving it. I haven't done anymore of the timed kettlebells. I think I'm going to start doing that again at the beginning of summer. I needed to take a mental break from them! :)

3 weeks from now we are going to the beach! While I'm excited and ready for a much need break and relaxation, I totally stressing out! As I said I struggled in the beginning of this journey to lose weight and because of that I'm not where I thought I would be right now. I would LOVE to be able to lose at least 25 pounds in 3 weeks, but I know that is not realistic. I also know that stress will not help me lose weight. I've got a plan though and I'm going to work really hard to stick to it. Starting Monday for 3 weeks I am going to workout twice a day and on weekends, cut back the calories a bit more, drink more water than I already do, try to relax and not stress about it, and pray like crazy that I can drop as much weight as possible! lol

Anyway. :)

I have some news and I've been debating on when to share it. I've had so many people tell me how I inspire them. I've even had a few admit they are jealous...in a friendly kind of way. Trust me, I get it! I felt the same way a year ago reading posts on facebook about how much someone had lost that week. I've had several friends email or text me asking for advice on losing weight. I feel honored that they would trust me to help them. Earlier this year I began thinking about things to do once Kaylee is in school full time. I started thinking about all the things I love, and at one time in my life I loved fitness, and I'm certain that love is back. Back in 2003 when I was in the best shape of my life I had thought about this as well. Then I got pregnant with Ashton and well the rest is history. lol I have only told Bryan, my sister in law, and my cousin what I would like to do. I would like to become a personal trainer. Not anytime soon though. Once I reach my fitness goals and Kaylee is in school full time I plan to pursue it. Like my cousin told me, "I think we can relate easier to others that are trying to get in shape if we have been there ourselves." That couldn't be more true. I'm really excited about it, but still have a long, long way to go. Just taking it one step at a time! :)

One last thing... I want to tell all the moms and moms-to-be out there HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!! :)

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things...

2011-04-23T12:21:00.008-05:00

This and That

2011-04-21T22:34:00.002-05:00

Well it's been 2 weeks since I last blogged. Life has been crazy busy and quite stressful the last couple of weeks. Between the boys baseball schedule, Kaylee in dance, and Bryan working so much I haven't had much time to myself let alone time to sit and blog.

I'll start with last week's weight loss and goals met. Well I worked really hard trying to lose those 3 lbs I set out to lose and ended up only losing 2 that week. I was slightly disappointed, but definitely happy that it was weight lost and not gained. As far as the kettlebells, I decided to give myself a break. A wise friend of mine sent me a message and gave me some great advice, to only try to beat my own time with the kettlebells for the moment. I think that is definitely a goal worth setting. I decided to take a break and not do them at all, regroup, and in a couple of weeks start again.

Now for this week's weight loss and goals met. This week I decided not to set a weekly weight loss goal and just work really hard, and it paid off, I ended up losing 3 lbs this week! I guess I taking the pressure off myself did the trick. To date I have lost a total of 27 lbs! I am still working toward getting those 90 miles in this month, but not sure if I will meet that goal. I have ran/walked 25 miles since I set that goal.

Speaking of running, today I accomplished something I haven't done since high school, I ran one mile without stopping. Some may think that is easy and no big deal, but for me it's a huge deal! You see, I have never really been a runner. I was never fast and could never run far without feeling like I would pass out at any moment. I played volleyball in high school, but during off season there would be days we had to go to the track and run. I dreaded those days. Even back then I struggled to run one lap around the track. The funny thing is I have always wanted to be able to run long distances with no problem. The last few months I've slowly been building my endurance on the track at the gym, running a lap, walking a lap, running a lap, etc, until I would run a full mile and walk a full mile. It started off rocky too. After the first week I started having horrible shin splints, so bad I limped off the track in tears. They didn't heal completely for over a month. Every time I would try to run thinking I had given them enough time, they would hurt again. So I took a good break from it, did a little research, and started again a few weeks ago, with no shin splints at all! So back to today. I had no intention of running even 2 laps back to back. I actually decided to keep running as I finished the first lap. After running 2 laps, I thought, why not try for all 4 laps to make a mile. When I finished I was ecstatic, I couldn't believe I ran a mile non stop and didn't feel like I would pass out! I went back in the gym and jump roped for a bit, then went back outside to walk the last 2 miles. As I was walking the first lap, I thought, I'm really not that worn out yet, I'm going to run that last mile, and guess what...I did! I ran another mile non stop, twice in one day! Now I'm really happy! I couldn't wait to call Bryan and tell him. He is by far my biggest supporter and encourager through all of this. :)

Running also is an awesome stress reliever. The last 2 weeks when I have felt really stressed I have craved running instead of wanting to eat something. Now that is definitely a new one for me! lol I think I may have a slight addiction for it. I just love it! I never thought those words would ever be spoken by me! lol

Another thing I am currently obsessed with is roasted red pepper hummus. I eat it with 10 baby carrots at least once a day. It's sooooooo good! Speaking of food, my cravings for sweets and unhealthy foods is almost non-existent. I am actually craving raw veggies and fruit now, and I am loving that feeling!

Interesting fact: last week when I lost only 2 lbs it didn't occur to me until later that day that I ended up at the same exact weight I was when I started with my trainer 2 years ago. I don't believe that to be a coincidence. I started comparing then to now and my how things are different. 2 years ago I was in horrible shape physically and emotionally. Saying the year before that was rough would be a complete understatement. My ex was giving us all kinds of problems regarding our son and then Hurricane Ike hit and flooded our entire town. I was not in a good place in my life and was extremely unhealthy. Today things have calmed (for now) with the ex, and I am in much better shape physically and emotionally. I have a more optimistic and realistic approach this time in regards to weight loss and I'm much much stronger emotionally. I feel better, have more energy, and I'm in much better shape than I was at the same weight 2 years ago. That last fact alone makes me really excited to see how I look when I finally do meet my goal. There is no stopping me this time!

Weightloss, Competion, and New Goals

2011-04-07T12:44:00.009-05:00

This is going to be a long one so bear with me. I have lots to say! :)

First I would like to say thank you to each and every one of you who have either emailed, text-ed, or commented on facebook to me words of encouragement and congrats. They all have meant so much to me and it's nice to know you have a huge support system of friends and family behind you. I find that to be a critical part of losing weight. The more support you have the more likely you are to stick with it and succeed. I mean who needs sabotagers right?

As of yesterday morning I am down 22 lbs. Of course I would love for it to be more, but I struggled in the beginning of this journey to get on track, so I am definitely proud of coming this far and there is definitely no turning back. Several people have asked me how I am losing weight. Well, I am not using the latest diet craze, or have some secret I use, I don't even count calories, but I am very conscious of how many I eat per day. I make sure to get plenty of protein, fruit, and veggies each day. It doesn't always happen, but I do try to incorporate each of those in each meal. I limit dairy, carbs (I only eat brown rice and pasta), and fats, and I don't drink sodas. BUT I do NOT deprive myself. I have found that is the number one reason I have failed every time I have tried to lose weight. In the past I would completely give up everything I loved like flavored coffees and of course anything chocolate. Then I would crave them so much I would binge, then feel guilty about it, then give up and binge some more. Ultimately each time the weight came back and it was always more than I lost to begin with. Now, if I want a flavored coffee I will have it, but I order the smallest size, fat free milk, no whip cream, and I only drink about half of it and throw the rest out. I don't feel deprived, I got my fix, and I will work out harder the next day. The cravings are less and less now, and even when I do end up ordering the coffee it almost tastes too sweet for me now. I think of it as a lifestyle change, not a diet. There is no point in dieting if you are not enjoying life while doing it. No I am not recommending working your butt off in the gym and then splurging on a pint of ice cream. It's all about moderation. I also workout 5 days a week, 3 days with a personal trainer. I also truly believe the mind plays a huge role in losing weight. If you don't believe in yourself, you are only setting yourself up to fail. Get out of the "I can't" mindset and tell yourself daily "I can." Even if you don't believe it at first, eventually you will learn to believe it and you will see changes. That isn't just for weight loss, that is for everything in life. Believe in yourself! I even use prayer. That's right, nothing is too big or small for God. If you do your part, he will do the rest! So that pretty much sums it up as far as my efforts to lose weight, and it's paying off.

Now on to other things. The week before last on my off days (days without my trainer) I decided to do kettlebell swings. 250 to be exact. The first set I used a 25 lb KB and did it with in 13 min. My trainer said that was pretty good and to use a 30 lb KB next time. I did those with in 14 min. So after that I was on a mission to beat my own time. Just a goal I had set for myself, NO BIG DEAL. So the next time I did them, I finished in 9 min and 40 sec. I was so excited I did them in less than 10 min. Nothing, I'm telling you nothing could have ruined that high I was on...until I stepped in the gym the next day. My trainer informs me that he told a girl he trains about my time. Apparently my awesome time didn't go over too well with her and she does them in 9:30! What?! Ok I was more aggravated not so much that she beat my time, but that she felt she needed to. Competition fuels me and my trainer knows this. I was not going down easy. So this past Tues I attempt it again. I was really sore in my arms and back from the day before but wasn't going to let that stop me. I started off pretty good and was ahead already by about 15-20 seconds. Then I must have gotten tired or slowed down, because I ended up finishing in 9:37. Now I'm really mad...at myself. My lower lip started to quiver and I shook that off really fast. I decided I was not going to be defeated and keep trying. Well...before I even had a chance to try again, another girl he trains, who happens to be a friend of mine, finishes in get this...8:46! Are you kidding me?! And she used a heavier KB by 5 lbs! Ok, no biggie I got this. Well, today when I get to the gym another girl who was working out with us does all 250 without stopping...in 6:27. Do I feel like throwing in the towel? Yes. Will I? Heck no I won't! I will keep pressing on! This whole kettlebell competition is making me somewhat crazy, and my trainer is encouraging it! LOL! But I'm not one to give up, it's just not my style! :)

Which brings me to some new goals I have set for myself, short term and long term.

My goals:

To lose a minimum of 10 more lbs by the end of this month.
To lose at least another 25 by the end of May, for a total of 35 by the time school is out.
To run/walk 90 miles in the month of April. (A friend posted this challenge on facebook from weightwatchers.com)
To be able to do 250 35 lb kettlebell swings within 6:27 or less. (probably the hardest one!)
To lose a total of 80 lbs, which gives me 58 to go as of now.

I am very determined and focused this month. My goal for this week...to lose at least 3 lbs! I plan to meet each one of those goals. If I come up short I won't get down on myself, I'll dust myself off and try again! :)

No More Excuses!

2011-03-29T21:32:00.005-05:00

What a difference a few weeks makes! I have officially rediscovered my love for working out. I actually look forward to it in the mornings like I used to back in the day. I started running again which has helped me lose weight fastest in the past. It's kinda funny because I have never really been a runner, and I probably look silly, but I really like it. The outdoor track at my gym is my go-to place to run. It's quite and peaceful, and if it's around 60 degrees it's absolutely perfect. There are no distractions and I become lost in my thoughts, which are usually about running or the workout following the running. In fact I sometimes get too lost in my thoughts and don't realize when another runner has decided to join me, like last week when I nearly had a heart attack when he flew right by me! LOL!

Last week I had a really bad week. Between Bryan working late almost every night and my hormones all over the place, nothing good was going to come out of it. For some reason, every thing seems a thousand times worse when you have pms, and I hate to admit it but I am not pleasant to be around for one week out of the month, something I am trying to work on. I cried over everything and in 2 days I only got 4 hours of sleep. It's these stressful times when I usually want to eat and not workout. The day I woke up to only have 4 hours of sleep in 2 days I seriously considered not working out with my trainer. I was physically and mentally exhausted and had zero energy. But I knew I would feel so much better if I went, and wouldn't have to deal with the guilt that came with not going, so I sucked it up and went. My excuse is there are NO EXCUSES! Do what you need to do, and so I did. I felt so much better for going...and had a much needed nap that afternoon as well! :) Oh and I never swayed from my healthy eating and ended up losing 3 lbs for that week!

This week I am trying to work harder and stay focused. When my trainer makes me do crazy stuff, or just plain hard stuff, and I feel myself start to complain, even if I do slip at first, I stop and remember what I wrote a few weeks ago. I feel the words of my blog taunting me. "Remember, you said you wouldn't complain anymore." So I just shut up and do what I need to do, even if I feel like I could pass out at any moment. lol Some days I feel like I might have to crawl out of the gym or be carried to my car, and those are the days I feel the best when I leave there. Maybe it's because I know it's going to be worth it! It already has been worth it because my clothes are getting bigger on me and my confidence is slowly coming back.

No more excuses!

Heavy issues...:)

2011-03-06T20:47:00.006-06:00

I used to be a health nut back in the day. Wait, that's a lie, I was a health snob! When Bryan and I first got married I was so disciplined. I would get up every morning at 4:30 and workout for 2 hours, 6 days a week. I never let anything or anyone get in the way of being healthy and staying thin. The best part about it was feeling great and having a lot more confidence. Of course it was much easier back then. I only had one child, a lot more energy, and lived literally 5 min from my gym. Well, those days are long gone, especially the energy part!

I said at the beginning of this year I would blog everyday about my weight loss and struggles. But I have found it harder than I thought it would be. There is a certain vunerability that comes with blogging. You are setting aside pride, letting your guard down, and basically inviting those who read it to praise or criticize. Well one thing I have learned in my yo-yo battle with weight loss is that you have to be able to accept criticism, the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

I cringe at knowing that I have been an emotional eater. I have turned to food when stressed, bored, and even happy. Looking back I can clearly see the times I have gained weight were when I was going through something. I gained weight when I divorced my first husband, when we moved to Tennessee, when we moved back 4 months later, during hurricane Rita, dealing with the ex, during and after hurricane Ike...well you get the picture. I clearly have issues! LOL! Some would say it's better than turning to alcohol or drugs, but I have to disagree. Food is a need for survival. You can't abstain from it or take a 12 step program to cure you. You have to eat to live!

I like to be in control, and when there have been situations out of my control I have turned to food for comfort. There is no comfort in comfort eating. Instead there is guilt, shame, and self loathing. It's time I take back control of my life.

In January 2009 I hired a trainer and set on the path to healthiness once again. I lost 31 lbs and even won a weight loss contest at my gym. In March the only other tech working with my husband got laid off, and Bryan started working a lot more. In April I got in a minor wreck when a guy pulled out in front of me and my friends heading to bunko one night. It was about that time my weight had started to creep back on, and by the end of the year I gained it all back plus 30 extra pounds.

Right now life isn't exactly easy for me. Bryan still works a lot, and is still the only one out of his office covering a large area, and he isn't home much. I have gone days without seeing him. I commend all the single moms out there. I have very much felt like a single mom at times the last 2 years. I held most of my feelings inside, which I realize isn't healthy either, because eventually those feelings will all come out at once, which isn't good for anyone. People have always told me that I am a strong person who can get through anything. I think that put a sort of pressure on me to be strong, stay strong, and don't crumble, as that would be a sign of weakness. So food was my choice of drug.

Well no more. I got serious again this past January to get rid of this extra weight for good. I am tired of being embarrassed about it, and avoiding certain situations because of it. As of now I have only lost 15 lbs. I was hoping for twice that much by now. So starting this week I'm changing things up a bit. I plan to up the cardio this week. I am going to try my best not to complain when my trainer makes me do stuff that is embarrassing to me, like having my big butt up in the air for the whole gym to see. That is some serious motivation! lol Gotta love him for putting up with me and not giving up on me as I am sure some trainers would have by now. :)

I may not blog every day, but I'm going to try to weekly. And if I am having a bad day, I will workout instead of turning to chocolate. :)

Bittersweet Birthday

2011-02-28T22:38:00.003-06:00

Ok, I get it, I haven't been true to what I said I would do, blogging every day about my weight loss and other issues. The truth is that I've been logging in often, staring at the blank white screen with a cluttered mind and haven't been able to put any real or deep thoughts together. So tonight I thought I would indulge those who have waited ever so patiently.

Tomorrow I turn 31. Nothing big about turning 31. But for the last 13 years birthdays have taken a new meaning for me. They are bittersweet. Memories of birthdays that weren't painful are long forgotten. You see I was born on March 1, 1980, which just so happened to be my dad's 24th birthday. Growing up I loved that we shared a birthday, it was something special that linked us together even closer. We always celebrated together. For the last 13 years, though, I've often wondered why we shared a birthday, when God knew all along how it would end, with a broken heart.

I still struggle to understand at times. The dreams still haunt me. I wonder if it will always hurt this much. I'm not angry or bitter anymore, and I think I have forgiven him, which I guess is to say I still struggle with that one. I still feel guilty at times and wonder if I did enough. I wonder how he could do this to me and why I wasn't enough for him to still be here. I miss him so much I can't breath sometimes. I look at my kids and think about all he is missing with them. I wonder if he had left a note by the bed what it might have said, and if he had a second chance would he do it again. I guess I'll never know.

Happy Birthday Dad, I love and miss you more than you will ever know.

Michael David O'Neal

March 1, 1956~November 29, 1997

1/1/11

2011-01-01T22:35:00.004-06:00

Pretty neat that we get to witness a date that only comes every 100 years. Happy New Year's everyone! Have you made your resolutions yet? I have definitely made mine, although the resolutions I have made are not just for this year, they are for a lifetime. The last couple of months I have been thinking about what 2011 should hold for me. The past will always be what it is, but my heart is starting to change the way I feel about it.

It's been a quite a while since I've written anything deep or meaningful on here. Well that is about to change. Beginning today I'm going to start a daily journal throughout this year. I'm going to blog away about my weight struggle and attempt once again to lose it for good this time. I'm going to blog about my dad's passing and all the emotions tied with it. I'm going to blog about whatever happens to be on my mind at that moment. I'm going to blog away my feelings, use this as an outlet and as an accountability for myself. It will get quite deep and emotional at times so I hope you are up for it. :)

Happy New Year's Friends!