Desire of My Heart

Often Without Understanding...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 15:09:00 +0000

Sometimes it is a challenge to understand the journey - where we have been, where we are and where we are going. I was reminded that I have been preceded by many with the same dilemma only to be reminded of the purpose such a dilemma opportunes. So grateful to those who tirelessly continued to share the stories with their posterity from which we can now glean through a written piece of beauty.

As I read through Exodus 13 I couldn't easily move past versus 17 and 18... When Pharaoh finally let the people go, God did not lead them along the main road that runs through Philistine territory, even though that was the shortest route to the Promised Land. God said, “If the people are faced with a battle, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led them in a roundabout way through the wilderness toward the Red Sea. Thus the Israelites left Egypt like an army ready for battle. In a silent chuckle of my heart, the words of this scripture were a beautiful reminder of how so often in our lives we take roads we may not have the capacity to understand and if left to our own musing perhaps might select a seemingly less-complicated-without-conflict path. And yet, with this passage, we are encouraged in all circumstances God is providing us with yet another opportunity to grow our faith.

As I continued to read through chapter 14 I was reminded of my absolute humanity in how my confidence in God's direction in my life can shift at times of uncertainty and I can find myself questioning the road I am traveling on. One would believe it to be sufficient to read countless lives throughout scripture with whom God took through seemingly undesirable journeys, only to see the individual or individuals not only being given an opportunity to have their faith grown by their Creator, but to be a witness to His glory revealed. I have contemplated God's response being something like, 'what more must I do?'

Then the LORD gave these instructions to Moses: “Order the Israelites to turn back and camp by Pi-hahiroth between Migdol and the sea. Camp there along the shore, across from Baal-zephon. Then Pharaoh will think, ‘The Israelites are confused. They are trapped in the wilderness!’ And once again I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and he will chase after you. I have planned this in order to display my glory through Pharaoh and his whole army. After this the Egyptians will know that I am the LORD!” So the Israelites camped there as they were told... The LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh, the king of Egypt, so he chased after the people of Israel, who had left with fists raised in defiance... As Pharaoh approached, the people of Israel looked up and panicked when they saw the Egyptians overtaking them. They cried out to the LORD, and they said to Moses, “Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren’t there enough graves for us in Egypt? What have you done to us? Why did you make us leave Egypt? Didn’t we tell you this would happen while we were still in Egypt? We said, ‘Leave us alone! Let us be slaves to the Egyptians. It’s better to be a slave in Egypt than a corpse in the wilderness!’” (Chapter 14:1-4, 8, 12)

A bit comforting to know this response came after the Israelites had just witnessed all of the plagues and experienced Passover - to be a spectator to the mighty hand of God and yet still sit fearfully because of the situation or circumstances as they appear. This is where the scripture, 'has eyes but is not seeing' strikes at the core. I don't want to be that Christian! I don't want to experience Him as I do and yet have moments of doubt when the surroundings 'look' hard or unappealing.

Moses' response would make one believe him to have been born to lead with his strength as he says... “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the LORD rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. I believe Moses was born to lead but he wasn't a leader at birth. God uses every detail of his life to shape him, mold him, prune him, sanctify him so that every bit of strength and courage given to him by God would be used at this moment. Moses was in his 80's when this all transpired. God had Moses in the palm of His hand every day of his life - 80 years! To look at Moses' life from our eyes that frequently have trouble seeing, we are encouraged and comforted.

He is saying to us, "don't be afraid.. I will fight for you.. just stay calm."

Father, my heart if overwhelmed with gratitude as I consider all the ways in which you fight for me. I don't deserve your love much less your consideration and yet, YOU consider me!

Exodus 14:14 The LORD himself will fight for you. Just stay calm. (NLT)

He Hit His Knees...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 19:45:00 +0000

It was about this time last year I shared my grandfather's story with a group of beautiful women. His life through the time my mom was about 16 years old was characterized by a life lost and muddled in sin - completely entangled. When my mom was 16 he hit his knees and asked God to take from him this sin or take him from this world and in that moment (this statement is void of exaggeration), he never touched a drop of alcohol again.

Yesterday I celebrated the birth of my Savior... today I am celebrating the death of my grandfather and as sad as I am, I am joyful because of the legacy he leaves our family. Yes, there are terrible stories with great detail of pain and suffering he inflicted not only on himself but others as well, but for me, I see where his life began when he his his knees.

When he hit his knees...

He acknowledged his true need of a Saviour,

He surrendered a sinful nature to the One he has been made perfect in,

He began a generational blessing of introducing Truth into our family,

He allowed the healing process to begin by inviting the one, true Healer into his life, into his family's life.

I am so grateful that I just was able to hug his neck and see his sweet smile recently. Grandpa, I will cherish your frail, sweet existence from whence we last met. I thank my God for you and the humility that brought you to your knees. May we honor your memory by remembering our Savior.. the one that saved you! YOU have declared His power to the next generation!

I love you Grandpa!

Psalm 71: 15-21
My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,
of your saving acts all day long—
though I know not how to relate them all.
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign LORD;
I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone.
Since my youth, God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, my God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your mighty acts to all who are to come.
Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens,
you who have done great things.
Who is like you, God?
Though you have made me see troubles,
many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
You will increase my honor
and comfort me once more.

Speed Bumps and Pot Holes...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 18:38:00 +0000

Have you ever had those moments in your walk with God where you literally are stopped in your tracks only to fall to your knees overwhelmed by His love for you? Your heart races, tears uncontrollably flood from your eyes, you tremble feeling completely ambushed by thoughts, emotions and feelings. I'm not talking about a momentary glance toward the Father with a smile, I'm talking about that moment where you don't feel as though you can breathe you are so overwhelmed by Him!

Yesterday while I was running I had to fight from crying. I have never had the experience where I was running and all of a sudden overcome by the emotion of crying. Do you know how hard it is to breathe at a runner's pace and cry at the same time? But there I was, trying hard to hold back the tears long enough to finish my run knowing as soon as my feet hit the curb of my home the flood-gates would open and the emotion would over-take me. I felt ambushed!

This year has been so hard. I cannot characterize it by many other words unless they are somehow synonymous with hard - difficult, challenging, disappointing, empty, sad, disheartening - the list could continue. It started with the word I believe God gave to me at the beginning of this year - healing.

When God gives you a word like healing, it would be normal to begin asking yourself questions. Questions such as am I sick? What do I need healing from? Truthfully, the most prominent consideration I have had is, Lord, what are we about to experience together, what are you preparing my heart for now?

Throughout the year there have been so many amazing circumstances of healing... experiencing my mom's baptism and seeing her sell out to Him desiring day by day to know Him better and experience Him deeper... healing. Seeing Him completely capture the heart of my teenage daughter as she makes decisions and choices that align her life with His, desiring only His will for her life although that is not the customary and accepted response at her age in engaging life and others... healing. Relocating my focus in vocational ministry only to experience much-needed, greatly-appreciated time with my precious family... healing. Just recounting each of those brings about a smile.

But there is one condition of healing that has been the most challenging for me. With only a month and a half left to this year I pray I am arriving at the place He has been bringing me, I was about to say this past year but the reality is He has been bringing me to this place my whole life. At this place sits a wonderful gift. Most of us, when we have an inclination of a gift waiting for us, we run with complete abandon toward the gift so we may receive the gift. Although I have been running to the gift deeply desiring it, I have been plagued with speed bumps and pot holes along the way that has hindered my race toward the prize. As much as they have plagued me the speed bumps and potholes have taught me valuable lessons that without them, the gift wouldn't mean as much. What I appreciate most about the speed bumps and potholes is that they are usually profound enough that I can't just keep going overlooking them, I have to stop long enough to acknowledge them. Hopefully when I run that way again, I won't forget they were there and will navigate with more wisdom down the road or better yet, when I return, they will have disappeared or have been repaired - healing!

If you are wondering if this gift I speak of is healing, it's not... the gift He has been preparing my heart for is faith.

Father, I am overwhelmed by the enduring love you have for your people. I am grateful for the speed bumps and pot holes that you allow to plague our journey at times in our lives. However hard they may be to navigate, the outcome brings us closer to you as you bestow such beautiful gifts upon us. It is the desire of my heart that I will always run with complete abandon toward the gifts you choose to give me. Don't let me get stuck on the speed bumps and pot holes. Amen!

To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines. 1 Corinthians 12:8-11

Something That Matters...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 16:09:00 +0000

This morning as I went for my run I was listening to a myriad of songs, mostly worship and country (odd mix I know). One of my favorites from Lady Antebellum came on, "I Was Here." As I listened to the words of this song (I have listened to this song many, many times before) the words made me start thinking of a very, very special young lady in my life who I love so deeply.

This past week I have had been given countless opportunities that she has afforded me to see a glimpse into her heart, into who she was created to be and the struggles she faces. She made a profound statement to me last week that the sophomore year of school seems to be a year of change, not just for her but for so many of her peers. She has made the observation that many of her peers are choosing to have sex, others are coming out of rehab, some seem to have a distorted view of who God is based on their claim of Christianity yet their actions and words don't line up. She feels the pressure of college and the decisions she is making now she can see future implications. For me, as her mom, I am coming to realize that this year more than others is a year of attentiveness and availability.

If I could categorize her in one word it would be sturdy. Don't get me wrong, I am not painting a bright halo above her head, she is a teenager and makes choices that are disheartening and unfortunate, BUT, for the most part, she is sturdy.

She is sturdy in her convictions, she is sturdy in beliefs, she is sturdy in what she perceives, she is sturdy in her relationships, she is sturdy in her words.

This past week she struggled with a few decisions - to her, these were big decisions. She has come to a crossroad of feeling called to be more available to the non-believer, to be more available to be used by God. She feels a stirring in her heart that He has created her for something more and from a mature perspective, I see Him preparing her for the journey as He gives her opportunities to respond now.

In talking with her about the future she remarks about the aptitude tests they take in high school. They all point her to a teaching, coaching, counseling, mediation path - consistently so! I look at the response and can't help but see He has created a synonymous path for her in being intimately involved in the lives of those around her. Her response to this outcome is, "Mom, I want to make a difference! I want to make a big difference!"

She doesn't see it but I see it - she is making a difference because it is her heart's deep desire. I see this in her everyday interactions with people. Just recently she told me of a young person that just got our of rehab that was in one of her classes. As she shared stories of their interactions, I saw a young lady not afraid to stand firm in her beliefs and even less afraid to encourage this person that he could be something more rather than being defined by confinement and drugs. I see this in a new role she is taking on in assisting with a young volleyball team. The enthusiasm she has to be in the lives of these girls surpasses helping them be better volleyball players, but better people as well.

Now, please hear this.. I know she is a teenager and as great of a kid as she is I know she will make teenager mistakes. What I am saying is that if she continues sticking close to Him, I believe He will guide her and protect her along the way because she is deeply desiring to be used by Him. She wants to make a mark in this world and in the lives she encounters.

So as I was running listening to this song, it made me think of my beautiful Emory. I hope it is not illegal to take Lady Antebellum's words and change them. If I could have had a way to contact them I would have. What I changed I put in bold.

Emory wants to do something that matters... she wants the world to know He was here! With His guidance and protection, I believe she will do just that!

You will notice me
I'll be leaving His mark like initals carved in an old oak tree
You wait and see
Maybe I'll write like Twain wrote
Maybe I'll paint like Van Gogh
Cure the common cold
I don't know but I'm ready start cuz I know in my heart

I wanna do something that matters
Say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better
With the time I've been given
And I wanna try
To touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less
Than something that says “He was here”

I will prove you wrong
If you think I'm all talk, you're in for a shock
Cuz this dream's too strong
And before too long

Maybe I'll compose symphonies,
Maybe I'll fight for world peace
Cuz I know it's my destiny
To leave more than a trace of Him in this place

I wanna do something that matters
Say something different
Something that sets the whole world on its ear
I wanna do something better
With the time I've been given
And I wanna try
To touch a few hearts in this life
Leave nothing less
Than something that says “He was here”

And I know that I will do more than just pass through this life
I'll leave nothing less than something that says “He was here”

“He was here”
“He was here”
“wanna do something that matters”
“He was here”

Dying on the Inside...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 12:45:00 +0000

Today we took dad to a funeral home. As he is settling on the idea that he will be with us in our home until his level of care increases surpassing what we are capable of handling, he has made a list of things he wants to accomplish - things such as pre-planning for his funeral and owning a Harley! Pre-planning for his funeral is just wisdom so we can now mark that off the list. I have a feeling, however, owning a Harley will remain, but we shall see.

On the way to the funeral home we listened to the message of a pastor on one of the local radio stations. He was talking about many things but began talking how people were dying outside the walls of the church he leads. Most Christians, I believe, would agree with that statement but I have to be honest in saying it somewhat grated on my ears and sounded a bit on the arrogant side to me.

I have always had a tendency to view things from the perspective of the non-believer, perhaps to a hyper-sensitive degree. When I hear Christians speak, especially when they have a large audience platform, I don't often sit restfully soaking every word in, I usually sit filtering words through what I can only assume to be the non-believers perspective. What does that sound like? How palatable was the message? Does the message have the capacity to reach all people regardless of where they are on their journey? What Truth was delivered and was it clearly understandable? I hear inflections in the voice of the deliverer, I see body language if I am viewing the message. I can't help it - I am (to use an overused church phrase) "seeker sensitive."

I am desperately hopeful and prayerful that those I have the opportunity of meeting in my life will have and know true freedom in Christ but unfortunately, I feel we as Christ-followers, sometimes more often than not, fail to represent Him with the fullness of who He is. It doesn't take many turns of the newspaper to find where we have done a really poor job of misrepresenting Him. It doesn't take many conversations in meeting individuals who have been hurt by the church, sometimes by leadership, sometimes by legalism, sometimes through lack of love expressed or some other unfortunate experience. Our humanity, at times, in its most fallible form, rears its head and we find ourselves not attracting non-believers to Him but rather pushing them farther from Him.

Don Everetts affirms this notion in his book, I Once Was Lost. Don writes, "In another day and age, God, religion and church enjoyed the general respect of the culture. Not today. Religion is suspect, church is weird, and Christians are hypocrites. Distrust has become the norm... when our friends hear us call ourselves "Christian," several negative things often immediately flash through their minds: "Christians are self-righteous, and they always think they're better than me." "I'm about to get judged, so I better get my defenses up." "Christians are naive and narrow-minded, and they believe in fairy tales"." We seem to be failing Him by misrepresenting Him.

The main reason the statement made by this pastor bothered me is that I have been in church my whole life and from my experience, people aren't just dying on the outside of the church, they are dying on the inside as well. Ruth Graham, the daughter of Billy Graham, wrote the book In Every Pew Sits a Broken Heart. One of the most disheartening confessions she makes in the book is this... "I know what it's like to sit in the pew with a broken heart. For years I sat in church with my fears, doubts, and disappointments, thinking I was alone in my condition. Those around me seemed to have it all together. They looked so "spiritual." Did they not struggle as I did? Was I the only one whose dreams had fallen to pieces? Was I the only one who had blown it? Was I the only one depressed and feeling beyond hope? To protect myself and to fit in, I masked my shortcomings and dared not whisper my failures. I worked hard to create the impression that my life was neat and orderly. I knew the posture and language well - and I carried it off."

Jesus says to the church in Laodicea, "I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me." The church Jesus is speaking to is a church that is "doing church" without Him. He is standing on the outside of the church knocking suggesting they invite Him in. Because they are so busy "doing church", they don't realize the position of the One for whose name they gather in. The church of Laodicea was dying on the inside. The unfortunate truth is our church of today is not so different than the church of the first century. We sometimes know the posture and language so well that we fail to recognize the position of our Saviour. Are we inviting Him in or are we fine doing church our way? Are we attracting the non-believer or by our very words and actions/in-actions pushing them further from Him?

It doesn't take much to notice the world is declining rapidly and we are in a time where we must be more open and available to others seeking "something better". But first we must do as Jesus instructs in Revelation 3:19, be earnest and repent. As much as we look outward to the condition of the world around us, we must stop long enough to be earnest and repent... seek the condition of our own heart and recognize we have individuals dying on the inside of our church walls too. No position, no posture is exempt.

Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. Revelation 3:22

Change...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 15:46:00 +0000

Change... it is hard, it is exciting, it brings out the worst, it brings out the best, it is a test of faith, it is the gift of peace, it is a new ministry, it is the end of something, it is the beginning of something, it is saying goodbye, it is opening a new door... it is change.

The last two months for me and for my family can only be characterized by one word - change.

My father-in-law, George (aka Junior), moved in with us almost two months ago to the day. After a brief stay at the hospital, we brought Dad to our home as the family together sought the right next step for him. He is 80 years old living with diabetes and dementia and after his visit to the hospital we all knew he could not, and had not, been able to take care of himself living alone.

When he came home, to our home, he hallucinated often, his speech was slurred, he fell frequently, he slept almost all day and night, he never really recalled conversations - I'm not sure he really knew he was having them - there were so many issues that came along with his health, issues we were not really aware of. Looking back I realize the blessing of being able to understand his true condition so quickly.

While trying to figure out living arrangements, Jeb and I slept in our living room not really sleeping through the night as we listened as though we had a newborn baby in our home, listening for the slightest sound that would indicate something was not quite right. Between the fire station and home, Jeb was definitely not sleeping much at all.

We learned so much that first week as to the true condition of Dad's health. The first week he was home Jeb calmly came out into the living room to let me know he had just called 911 because something was not quite right - he was "crashing", diabetically. I have never seen a body, a mind, a spirit behave in that manner but I learned quickly as it happened two more times - physically and spiritually fighting for someone's life. By the grace of God, with the wisdom of a caring doctor and a whole lot of love and prayer, a healthy and steady diet and routine, we started seeing great changes in his health.

We had found an adult apartment right around the corner from our home and began preparations for him to live there. One day I was walking through the kitchen and saw Dad sitting out on the porch swing. For whatever reason I stopped and quickly realized he was sobbing. I have seen and experienced a lot of emotionaI situations but I have to say seeing this grown man sitting, just weeping brought forth a deep and sincere compassion - I sat down at the kitchen table and just watched him with the heaviest heart, the saddest heart - whatever he was mourning, my heart was mourning with him. I went out on the porch swing with him and just put my arm around him - I was at a loss for words.

I asked him what he was thinking and he just started pouring out his heart of the ache and longing of a different time, a different place, a different reality. Dad's doctor told him that due to his medical conditions he cannot drive, and because of what we know about his health, he cannot be by himself and all of this reality of change was setting in and hurting his heart. I cannot begin to express the absolute opposing emotions of feeling as though you are helping someone and yet hurting them at the same time.

After talking to Jeb, I asked Dad, knowing he cannot go back to his home in Caddo Mills, would he prefer to live with us in our home rather than in a senior living facility. I cannot say his response was overwhelmed with excitement but he preferred it to the alternative.

I would like to say that joy has been abounding in our home but Jeb and I are presented at least once a week with a tough conversation by his dad - a conversation fighting change.

I enjoy the glass half-full perspective. Not only was the glass half-empty, the glass was completely dry for Dad. Dad and I sit around a lot and talk and through one conversation I laughed (with him of course) and suggested we needed to get some drops of water in his parched glass. He laughed and agreed, but I know the battle going on in his mind is great. Even as I sit and type this, he is sitting on the porch swing contemplating... the battle rages on.

We talk a lot about God and when the conversation gets tough, Jeb asks him where he is with his relationship with Christ. That question usually is a show-stopper as Dad knows and has acknowledged he is not where he should be - he has the head knowledge, it just hasn't penetrated his heart filled with 80 years worth of circumstances and experiences.

Every morning I sit on my patio to have my time alone with Him and I pray, I pray, I pray that the longing Dad has for another time and place will be removed and replaced with Him. I also ask God to give me a fresh perspective for the day (my manna for the day) to be able to walk with Dad effortlessly extending love and grace to him as the battle rages on.

I know we are moving Dad through change because we love him, because we want him to be healthy and safe. Even through his frustration, Dad acknowledges the change and why our home is now his home, I know he feels the deep love we have for him but... change is hard - I personally know that and am filled with compassion towards Dad.

So far, today is a great day, regardless, the glass is half-full and today is another day, another opportunity to be thankful. I sit here knowing He will give me my manna for today.

Change - that is part of our journey of faith. He will never let us stay the way we are or where we are as He uses situations and circumstances to form us into the likeness of His precious Son. Change - let us embrace it with all of Him that is in us!

Father, thank you for the gift of change and the journey of faith that allows us to grow closer to you with new revelations of who you are day by day, moment by moment. Our journey of faith is a steady pace, not growing weary, not losing heart.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Reboot Required...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 14:48:00 +0000

This morning when I picked up my phone the message "software update required" was displayed on the screen. I began the process of acknowledging and accepting in order to initiate the update process. Funny how something so simple can really start the wheels turning, thinking about bigger things, about God-things.

As I continued to look at the screen an installation update was displayed... 40% complete... 60% complete... When it reached 80% complete I chuckled to myself thinking, God, that's how we are isn't it? We walk around your creation 80% complete in need of constant software updates.

God has had me on a faith journey I could never have imagined before. Although He has been preparing my heart for some time, this is not what I would have or could have expected and although it's not what I would have or could have expected, I know, because I know Him, it's exactly where I am suppose to be.

Truth is we are all on a constant faith journey.. we all walk around 80% complete because it's a journey that never ends until we truly rest from this place.

Faith can be, at times, an exhilarating experience, but most of the time it's a climb to the top of a mountain only to reach the top and realize another mountain awaits our assent. The person who tells you the faith journey is an easy one is resting on top of a mountain top with their eyes closed not acknowledging the next mountain top. The person who tells you they have fully arrived on their faith journey has their back facing the next mountain top. The person who tells you the faith journey is a day by day, moment by moment encounter with the True, Present and Living God is in the middle of the climb acknowledging in their heart the truth that the next mountain is in existence but only focuses on the step in front of them.

I have been reading a lot about Abraham and Moses. The faith lessons from the lives of these two men is enough to keep you reading and studying the Old Testament for quite a time. There was absolutely no perfection in their walk with God, only a constant and steady climb. At times, their foot would falter, but they hung on. At times, their hands were weak, but they hung on. At times, their legs would tremble, but they hung on.

There are days, I will be quite honest, that I just don't know if I can hang on any longer then I am reminded of Psalm 31... But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, You are my God. My times are in your hands.

Father, I am overwhelmed with gratitude that my times are in your hands. That as I climb day by day, moment by moment I rely fully on the fact that my times are in your hands. I look to where you are, and there I will join you.

John 15:5 I am the vine, you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

Don't Believe Me?...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 19:21:00 +0000

For 29 years God to me was always angry and disappointed in me. I could never do what I felt was right and eventually gave up all together settling on the idea that there was no hope for a sinner like me, a person like me. How could God possibly want anything to do with ME?

It was not until I was 30 years of age that encountered the true and living God for who He really is. At that very point in my life I committed to God, "use me however YOU want to use me". You know that scripture that says not my will, but yours be done? That was never more real to me than that very moment in my life and since that day, my relationship with Him has only intensified, been solidified and my past has been nullified!

So what have I learned in the last 8 years of total surrender to the Father? Here are few of the "biggies". I have to pick just a few because there isn't room enough in the posting for everything! Just ask me to buy you a cup of coffee and if you have plenty of time, I will share the last 8 years with you!

1. He cares about EVERY detail of our lives. Read that again.. He cares about EVERY detail of our lives. Not some, not just the "important" ones but EVERY detail.

Just when I begin to take that truth for granted, my beautiful Father does something to remind me that 'yes, Brandi, I do care about EVEN that!' Don't believe me?

This morning as I was preparing for our two Sunday services I just told God.. Lord, the harvest is so bountiful but the workers are so few. Lord, please send the workers! At that moment God spoke very clearly to my heart by responding, 'do you trust me?' With a smile on my face I responded - I ABSOLUTELY trust you! And I knew He cared more about what it takes to run the nursery/preschool ministry than I could possibly understand.

You see our church is in a season of gathering jars because the oil is overflowing and because the oil is overflowing we are being given the opportunity to expand our ability to minister to even more individuals in the community by adding a fourth service to our weekend worship. THAT is a beautiful thing! With an additional service comes the opportunity to love and share the Truth of Christ with little ones, with more little ones comes the opportunity for more individuals to come forth with the heart to serve and impart that Truth.

IMMEDIATELY (Did you catch that? Not a moment later.. IMMEDIATELY) I received a text from a leader asking if they could serve both services this morning. I arrive at the church for our pre-service prayer and one leader who had been away on a mission trip and just got back, came in saying she was there to serve. Another leader showed up that wasn't planned. As I sat down to write this, I received an email from an individual of the church body stating she was ready to do her part in serving. What do you think? Do YOU think He cares about EVERY detail?

2. He desires for our lives reconciliation and freedom. Reconciliation to Him and with others and freedom in Him and from our past choices and current struggles. Don't believe me?In ministry, this one is all around me! My deepest passion when you get to the core of my being is for individuals to truly receive COMPLETE freedom in Jesus Christ. That can look like so many things and usually does. But when He gives me the opportunity, I easily recognize when an individual is desperate for freedom in Him and from their past and current circumstances and choices.

For the last six years I have been praying that both of my parents would truly experience absolute freedom in Christ. This journey of six years is a beautiful reminder that it is not our timing but His.

Because the Father desired freedom for my mom, and because she responded, on March 21st of this year, my mom totally surrendered to the Father all of her past wounds, all of her current circumstances and gave Him all of her. She made her outward expression of her inward change by affording me the most beautiful honor of baptizing her on May 2nd. My mom is free and has been fully reconciled to the Father.

3. You cannot resist Him! Whether you have known Him and walked away or you have never known Him at all, I promise you... I promise you... you CANNOT resist Him! Don't believe me?I had the most beautiful opportunity today to watch someone so dear to me admit that as much as she has tried for the last year to "put God in a box" and walk away, He never let her go. We were both overflowing with gratitude at the revelation that as hard as she tried, she was not going to be able to keep resisting His loving hold He has on her life.

I also had an opportunity this week to share with an amazing young man why we can't resist Him. This young man doesn't know Him like I know Him but I can promise this, he will! When I pray about his encounter with the one living and true God, I feel it deep within that he too will not be able to resist Him!

In John 6 Jesus is explaining the true Bread of Life to the disciples.. Many among his disciples heard this and said, "This is tough teaching, too tough to swallow." Jesus sensed that his disciples were having a hard time with this and said, "Does this throw you completely? What would happen if you saw the Son of Man ascending to where he came from? The Spirit can make life. Sheer muscle and willpower don't make anything happen. Every word I've spoken to you is a Spirit-word, and so it is life-making. But some of you are resisting, refusing to have any part in this." (Jesus knew from the start that some weren't going to risk themselves with him. He knew also who would betray him.) He went on to say, "This is why I told you earlier that no one is capable of coming to me on his own. You get to me only as a gift from the Father." After this a lot of his disciples left. They no longer wanted to be associated with him. Then Jesus gave the Twelve their chance: "Do you also want to leave?" Peter replied, "Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We've already committed ourselves, confident that you are the Holy One of God." (MSG)

Father, if there is any good thing inside of me, it is ONLY because of you. My one petition is that everyone who should read this be given the eyes to see and the ears to hear so that NOT ONE will waste one more day apart from you!

What a gift life is to those who stay the course! You've heard, of course, of Job's staying power, andyou know how God brought it all together for him at the end. That's because God cares, cares right down to the last detail. James 5:11 (MSG)

Freedom Is...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Tue, 03 May 2011 17:38:00 +0000

This week will forever be marked in history by the death of Osama Bin Laden. My family was personally affected by the tragedy of 9/11, my dad and step-mom both worked in the towers, but I can honestly say when the words came across the television screen, I did not rejoice but felt moved to intercede. My initial thought was the potential response our country would receive as a whole, the men and women fighting the physical fight and the implication on their lives and the profound truth, unless it just hasn't been reported, Bin Laden died never experiencing true freedom.

I remember in one of my college government classes I had to write a paper on John Locke's theory of freedom in that as people take, demand, receive freedoms, freedoms actually get lost. Sometimes I think we in the western culture take, demand and receive so many freedoms that we actually lose sight of those that we have lost and it isn't until we need them to rescue us do we realize they are gone.

I believe our country was founded based upon Christian beliefs and Christian values but it seems that as we have grown in our independence as individuals the freedoms for which our country was founded have morphed and been modified into what suits us more as individuals and original intent has been lost.

This week I was given one of the highest honors I have yet to receive in my 38 years of life in that I baptized my mom yesterday. My prayer for my mom and my dad has been that I just want them to experience true joy and that true joy comes from having a genuine relationship with Christ and that genuine relationship with Christ brings true freedom and true freedom brings about true joy.

The freedom my mom has received is not a freedom that any one person or any circumstance can modify or morph. It is freedom she will own in its most sincere form that will carry her through life and no matter if it is a season of "highs" or a season of "lows", she will have true joy because of her true freedom

Father, I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude in what you have done and what you plan to do to, through and around my mom! YOU are a God of second chances, YOU are a God of mercy, YOU are a God of love! I thank you for the freedom that only comes from you - YOU ARE FREEDOM! Amen

It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don't use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that's how freedom grows. For everything we know about God's Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That's an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then? Galatians 5:13 (MSG)

What Are You Fighting For?...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 03:02:00 +0000

For the past three years I have had the opportunity to look forward to an annual trip with my oldest daughter, Emory. Once a year she and her volleyball team travel outside of Texas to play in a national volleyball tournament hoping to win a bid to the big show. Although we have yet to experience that type of victory, the trip alone with her is what I would consider to be absolutely priceless. The time I get to spend with just her is time I truly treasure in my heart!

This past weekend was our big trip - we flew to Minneapolis and played against some of the best teams in the country... and by the way, everything is not bigger in Texas! We played against some really tough teams and the average height seemed to be six feet! That may be a bit of an exaggeration, but it is close.

Yesterday was our last time to take the court in the twin city and as we walked out of the coliseum we were alerted to a protest that was taking place outside of our hotel. A protest? Seriously? I couldn't believe it. I have seen people on street corners with anti-abortion signs but I have never experienced an organized protest of this magnitude.

We were making plans to grab a quick bite to eat before heading to the airport. We had been in and out of the hotel a dozen times walking to quaint places to eat downtown Minneapolis and now we were required to have a police escort in and out of the hotel. I was walking on eggs that had been thrown, I was watching the crowd explode as individuals arrived - hand gestures, facial gestures and expressions, chanting, shouting - this was all so surreal!

I grabbed the attention of one of the hotel security and asked the gentleman what was going on. He began to explain that a diplomat from Ethiopia was drawing a crowd of about 1,200 individuals and the crowd outside was protesting him. The protest is rooted in the Ogaden War that occurred in the early 1970's. I knew nothing about this war but could tell from the signs that there were true travesties against men, women and children occurring in their part of the country. Signs with extremely graphic pictures, words pleading for justice, some of another language I couldn't understand but could gather enough about the situation to know - whatever was happening in Ogaden, people were hurting.

I googled "The Ogaden War" - I wanted to understand what this group of over 200 individuals was so passionate about. I came to understand this passion has been fueled by ongoing events for over 40 years and is continuing still to this day. Events and occurrences that I cannot remotely imagine!

As I was in the lobby a women standing near us was asking the question we all had asked at one time - what's going on? She was so irritated that "these people" would come here and do this that "we would never go to their country and do something like this, we would be shot". I failed miserably at trying to reason with her that this was an organized protest, that these individuals were there just wanting to be heard - I'm sure I spoke longer than I should have, but I didn't want her walking away bothered, I was hoping she would receive what I was saying and possibly have a posture of understanding. I don't know if she walked away more disgusted at me for not being upset at the situation or the circumstances outside. As she walked away all I could think is - have you ever had to fight for something?

I have to be honest in admitting my ignorance - I don't know which group was/is right. I know what I saw on the signs brought tears to my eyes and made my heart hurt deeply. I don't live in a society that I have to worry about being raped or tortured, burned or beaten. Those are extreme cases in our country and we have a justice system standing firm behind us ready to make a wrong right in most situations. These people were fighting their justice system. Who stood behind the family of the women with burns all over her body? Who journeyed with the little girl when her innocence was brutally robbed from her? Who was protecting the innocent by-stander?

Writing this now, I have tears in my eyes. What in my 38 years of life have I really had to fight for? I know God placed me in my exact place at my exact time for His purposes. But as I read through scripture of all of the good fights that my Brothers and Sisters in Christ have fought and have been fighting for centuries I look at my life and think, I should have more callouses! (I sincerely don't mean that to be funny) Calloused hands from never ceasing to plow hard and sometimes impenetrable ground - how often to I stop fighting because the sun of the day is too hot? Calloused feet from never giving up walking not only my journey but the journey of those who He puts in my life - how often do I stop fighting because the journey makes my feet imperfect? Calloused back from carrying my cross and at times the cross for others - how often do I stop fighting because today I'm just too tired!

The men, women and children I witnessed yesterday don't seem to have a choice what happens, but they keep fighting for what they believe in. What are you fighting for? Is the cause worth the fight?

Father, I am so grateful you allowed me to witness yesterday. Forgive me for when I have stopped fighting. I ask that you make me strong and durable, hearty and steadfast - please don't allow me to stop fighting for your cause! I love you!

Psalm 18:1 (MSG) I love you, God— you make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight. My God—the high crag where I run for dear life, hiding behind the boulders, safe in the granite hideout.

Treasures of the Heart...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Mon, 03 Jan 2011 17:58:00 +0000

Over the last several weeks I have read and re-read the account of Jesus' birth and one verse in this set of scripture has been on my heart and mind and I cannot let it go.

In the Luke 2:19 it is written... "but Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Maybe because I am a mom to four amazing kids, maybe because God has entrusted the lives of hundreds of little ones to me, or maybe it's because I'm a sappy, emotional woman, but this verse overwhelms my heart with joy, overwhelms my heart with tears, overwhelms my heart with a flood of emotions that I have found suprisingly difficult at times to truly be able process this one sentence.

Think of Mary, this very young woman who out of all women alive at this time was chosen to give birth to the Christ! And not one moment of her journey as a mother chosen was simple, from the moment the angel appeared to seeing her son's body laid to rest in a tomb, her journey of loving the Son of Man was filled with challenges, difficulties and distractions and yet from the moment of His birth Mary treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart.

How confusing and overwhelming her job must have been - at twelve her son sitting in a temple with the scholars and educators later being known as the man in town who has the ability to heal. How prepared do you think she was to parent this very special and unique child? As a mom, how many of you can relate.. no, we have not given birth to the man who came to earth and changed the world, but we have given birth to world changers.. we have all been gifted with very special and unique children!

No matter how old or how young your children are my encouragement to you today is treasure up the journey, each marker stone, each moment and ponder the gift you were given of your child in your heart!

Isaiah 40:11 He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Got Poo?...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Mon, 22 Nov 2010 20:37:00 +0000

We are trying to potty-train our youngest, Elena. And as much as I say we are trying to potty train her, she is really the captain of this ship. If she chooses to visit the potty or not, really, it's completely up to her. I think we have the tinkle part down but the poo... forget it! So for the first time in all four of my kids, I have entered the life of pull-ups. Yes, I was one of those mom's who swore you could potty-train a child without them.. heck, I did it three times before.

What I love about potty-training in the world of poo is that poo is undeniable! You can smell it! You cannot hide even the smallest of poo! So when Elena has chosen to poo in her pull-up our conversation goes a little bit like this..

Me: "Elena! Did you poopy in your pull-up"

Elena: "Nooooo"

Me: "Elena! What is that smell?"

Elena: "I don't know"

Me: "Elena! Come here so I can change your pull-up"

At that moment she starts crying and yelling at me because she was found out. As much as she tries to hide her poo, she doesn't realize, the stink is giving her away! She knows she has been caught and she knows she has not been honest. At three years old, she knows she did something wrong!

This weekend as Pastor John was leading us through Joshua 7, we discussed a man by the name of Achan. John's main point was the heart of true repentance, obedience and followship of God.

While I listened I couldn't help but think of the times in my life I have been like Achan. I couldn't shake the thought of how devastating his sin was to those around him. God was very clear - keep away from the devoted things.. they are sacred to the Lord and belong in his treasury.. if you don't, you will bring about YOUR OWN DESTRUCTION and THE ENTIRE CAMP OF ISRAEL!

That sounds pretty clear to me, pretty black and white, but Achan, like so many of us, chose to do something he thought no one would ever discover, he thought he would never be found out, he didn't think his decision would ever have any affect on anyone else because no one would ever know. But the reality my friends is, God can always smell our poo!

Think of this - Achan's disobedience, sin and selfishness destroyed, no, killed, tirty-six men! His sin caused a whole lot of grief and sadness and pain for those around him.

How many times have you done something that was selfish or sinful that directly destroyed someone else? A friendship? A marriage? A life?

How many times did you think, no one will ever find this out, no one will ever know?

Do we really believe we can deceive the Creator of the heavens and the earth, that not even He will know what we have done?

The great thing about John's message is he ended it by reminding us of God's grace in our lives. When God reveals our disobedience, our selfishness, our sin, He always follows it with an equal measure of grace. Grace is not defined by God overlooking our sin, but rather, His overwhelming love He has for a sinful man.

Father, I pray that I would have a repentent heart as you bring situations and circumstances to mind where my sin, my selfishness, my disobedience has not only hurt others but created distance between you and me. And where my sin, selfishness and disobedience has hurt others, I desire above all else reconciliation and ask for that opportunity! Thank you for who you are in my life, thank you for the grace I do not deserve!

Proverbs 3:34 He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble.

Am I Beautiful?...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 17:05:00 +0000

I had an amazing opportunity to share this message with a group of mom's yesterday... I pray that God has blessed each and every one of those women as He personally spoke to them... I pray that it blesses you...

I was 23 when I had Emory and after I gave birth to her, someone gave me a gift to a high-end spa in Dallas for a facial. Now this is not something I would have ever treated myself to and never had so I went in completely naïve and a little uncomfortable not knowing what to expect. As I lay in the chair waiting I have to be honest and tell you I was incredibly uncomfortable and uneasy. Soon after settling in the chair a stunningly beautiful and flawless young woman – she was probably a few years older than I was at the time - approached my face. I made myself feel better by assuming that she had never had any children because as flawless as her face was, her figure was equally “perfect.” As this woman began looking at my face through what I assume was a magnifying mirror on her end… from my perspective all I could see was this flawless beauty void of any imperfections BUT from her perspective my flaws and blemishes were magnified and she began telling me about each and every one she could see in me - wrinkles that were forming, pores that were gaping, facial hair that clearly would make one question their ancestry. I began to feel a little bit like the ugly duckling and I don’t know about you but I have never exactly felt overwhelmingly beautiful after giving birth – you want to be rid of the excess weight so you can look like one of the movie stars who after 4 weeks of having their baby by some miracle is back to their pre-pregnancy weight of a size 0 – I didn’t look like that and I certainly didn’t feel like that. I left not feeling particularly beautiful – it all seemed a little bit self deprecating, and to some degree I PAID FOR IT!

This personal story brings to light an issue we as women face.. it’s the deep desire in our hearts to ask the question, AM I BEAUTIFUL, just longing for someone to say yes. And just like the woman at the spa, we allow other people and other circumstances to answer that question for us.

The issue is not necessarily in our hearts desire of wanting to hear the answer to that question but rather, who or what are we willing to allow answer that question for us… but even more core than that is our potentially skewed and distorted definition of what beautiful is and how over time our definition of beauty has been changed and warped.

So I looked up the definition of beauty for myself and although there were many, this one struck me the most: The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony, grace, excellence, truthfulness, and originality.

That one definition blows the world’s baseline definition of beauty out the window. Why? Because beauty is not limited to a physical attribute as we make it out to be - 5’10”, flawless complexion with a 19” waist – beauty encompasses the mind and the senses collectively giving way to harmony, grace, excellence, truthfulness and originality.

It’s easy to get that beauty encompasses the mind and the senses – that is broad enough - we can see beauty, we can hear a beautiful song, we can smell a beautiful flower, we can taste a beautiful meal; we can alter the physical – a new hair style, exercise, a different melody, a different type of flower, a little extra salt - but true beauty as it is manifested through expressions of harmony, grace, excellence, truthfulness and originality – that’s more difficult and it’s more difficult because that is beauty that comes from the heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. When we allow others to define our beauty that negatively impacts our perception of ourselves and who we are, we have failed to guard our heart.

Luke 6:45 says for out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. Job 33:3 says my words come from an upright heart; my lips sincerely speak what I know. What does the overflow of your heart sound like? Can you sincerely say that your lips are truly speaking what you know to be true about yourself?

If you search for every use of the word beauty in the Bible you will see a stirring of thoughts, emotions, decisions, actions – all expressions of harmony, grace, excellence, truthfulness and originality which all come from the heart.

From the health of our hearts beauty is truly defined and in this season as a mom it is most challenging to have a life full of harmony when our baby is crying, our toddler is hungry and we are just exhausted; giving grace over a glass of spilt milk when you just spent what little time you had on scrubbing the floors; to provide your family with excellence in a well-kept home or a home-cooked meal when today you could barely get the kids bathed and dressed, let alone yourself because it was just one of those days. And at the end of the day in all truthfulness we are often-times left feeling less than desirable because we have labeled our days as failures because we couldn’t achieve beautiful perfection in the daily activities of our lives and, 1every thought and issue in our lives is connected to every other thought and issue in our lives and the danger in that is when we allow our successes or failures as a mom and wife to define our beauty.

The reality is we don’t really need everyone else’s input in answering the question, am I beautiful? Do we? Because the reality is that as we look at ourselves in the mirror we are completely capable of telling ourselves and reminding ourselves of how un-beautiful we really are. Re-capping the day’s events and picking apart where we failed in those unique expressions of beauty.

So what are we going to do? How are we going to change the words we are speaking into our own lives? We together are going to redefine beautiful! What does beautiful mean in this season of life we share? What does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it smell, sound and taste like?

Let me share something to you:

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

The Creator of the heavens and the earth knows all about you. He knit you together, He knows your inmost being and desires - you are wonderfully made. And if His works are truly wonderful, and I believe they are, than we have no other choice than to fight against a warped definition of beautiful and allow God himself to define beauty in our lives. You are beautiful because God says you are beautiful.

I encourage you to close your eyes at this very moment and whisper these words to yourself… “I am beautiful because God says I am beautiful”.

What is our part in all of this? Guarding our heart above all else; delighting ourselves in the Lord knowing He will give us the desires of our hearts; truly knowing He made us fearfully, wonderfully and uniquely and that although the love we have of our spouse or our children is great, the love of the Father is unfathomable, it’s exponential, it’s unobtainable through any person or thing here on Earth. He created us. He knows us. He defines our beauty from the inside out IF WE ALLOW HIM TO.

There is a song by Barlow Girl entitled “Mirror”… the beginning of the song is this… “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, have I got it? 'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am. I'm finding it's not easy to be perfect. So sorry, you won't define me. Sorry you don't own me. Who are you to tell me that I'm less than what I should be? Who are you? I don't need to listen to the list of things I should do, I won't try. Mirror I am seeing a new reflection. I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me and to Him I have beauty beyond compare - I know He defines me.” I invite you to look into the mirror and YOU start saying… Mirror I am seeing a new reflection. I'm looking into the eyes of He who made me and to Him I have beauty beyond compare - I know He defines me.

The saying goes, your perception is your reality NOT their perception is your reality… but in all sincerity the truth that should be settling in our hearts is HIS perception is my reality!

1 Men are Life Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti, Bill and Pam Farrel

I Hear Crickets...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Last week I took a Sabbath day to be with Him! When I take a Sabbath or in my quiet time with Him in the morning, I look with great anticipation that He is going to speak to me. I feel like a little girl sitting in an elementary classroom - my pencil is sharpened, my notebook is open to a fresh, clean piece of paper - I am ready to listen and take notes. To my dismay, this past Thursday, all I heard were the crickets chirping around me! That's unsettling to my heart, my mind, my soul as I thirst to hear from Him - waiting for direction, waiting for wisdom to be bestowed, waiting for comfort, waiting to celebrate, waiting to just be with Him - nope... crickets!

Have you ever had that experience?

Psalm 28 verse 1 says "For you remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down to the pit". When I read that I felt like emailing David asking him to retract that from scripture.. No! I don't want Him to remain silent.. I don't want to be in the pit!

So, because God is who He is and because He created me and knows me better than anybody said, "Brandi, I'm not a gumball machine". It wasn't an angry voice from the heavens, it was a sweet statement made to my soul and in that moment I shared in a little revelatory chuckle and responded to God, "I understand".

I understand that:

He wants us to desire Him all the time, not just when we need to petition Him or at our convenience (the proverbial gumball).

He wants us to desire Him and find comfort in the scripture that He breathed Life into. (seek wisdom)

He wants us to desire His presence always as our heart leaps for joy knowing Father. (know Him)

He wants us to rest in Him weather we hear Him or not. (have faith)

He just wants us to desire Him! The things of Him, the things that are good and beneficial, the things that are everlasting. (walk in salvation)

I am so deeply grateful that I have a Father that knows me so well, He knows exactly what I need and when I need it and I feel His love deeply for me - intimately, sweetly - even when I don't "hear" Him.

Father, thank you for loving me in spite of all my demands, all my short-comings, all my blind-spots! Thank you for allowing my mind to be renewed daily, that into your hands I commit my spirit and you redeem me! It is the deep desire of my heart that all may truly KNOW you and HEAR your sweet voice!

John 10:27-28 My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.

It's Never Too Late...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 13:00:00 +0000

Our family is truly celebrating as Jeb's 78 year old uncle received Christ as his Saviour this week and has chosen to be baptized this weekend. Seems like a long time to go without Him, doesn't it?

Uncle Cameron and Aunt Wanda live on 100 acres in Oklahoma - he works the land, he tends to his cows - this has been his life.

He was diagnosed with throat cancer several years ago. He endured surgery and radiation and has been on a liquid diet ever since. Reduced to what by all appearances is a frail, thin man, he continued the physically challenging work of the farm... the condition of his physical body has never stopped the work that needs to be done.

The one thing that has been difficult to understand was that after surgery, after radiation, after being reduced to a liquid diet the rest of his life, he continued to smoke unfiltered cigarettes.

This appears to be a man that is throwing caution to the wind, right? You're just asking for it, Buddy! Man, it is so easy to sit in the judgement seat when you aren't the one being judged. The truth is, everyone of us has been Uncle Cameron... before we knew HIM, we were living a life throwing caution to the wind because we could not yet comprehend the freedom in submitting to the one true Saviour. We could not wrap our mind around what all that Christian-talk really was all about... we were veiled!

Uncle Cameron was recently informed that his throat cancer is back and there is nothing that can be done. This is the part if you are still veiled from the Truth what I'm about to say might make me sound cold and callous... I praise God that Cameron's circumstances drew him near to HIM! Whatever Cameron's future holds for his health and his future, I rest knowing that he has eternal life and so I celebrate!

This is usually where I write my prayer to the Father... today I am moved to write a bit differently! This isn't just for Uncle Cameron, it's for all of the people I love and care for and even those whose path I have yet to cross... I keep praying because it truly is never too late!

I have tears in my eyes just thinking of you
So much time thinking if you only knew
As long as I've known you my heart has grieved
The absence of true life and light and belief
But time to us we can't comprehend
His sovereignty, His grace, His love to men
So I joyfully celebrate with you today
That you know for your life He came to save
With a heart full of gladness I lift my hands and pray
Praise to the Almighty the veil's been lifted away

2 Peter 3:8 But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

Watch Closely...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 16:27:00 +0000

The story is told of a small boy who closely watched a neighboring pastor build a wooden trellis to support a climbing vine. The youngster did not say a word the entire time that he watched. Pleased at the thought that his work was being admired, the pastor finally said to the boy, "Well, son, trying to pick up some pointers on gardening?"

"No," replied the boy, "I'm just waiting to hear what a preacher says when he hits his thumb with a hammer."

I laughed out loud when I read this story. Can't you just see this exchange? I can - I have two very bright 6-year old boys.. they watch with wonderfully inquisitive minds!

This story truly was levity for my soul as I read it for the first time! Why? As a Pastor, as one called as a minister of the Gospel, there are many times where I feel others around me are just waiting to see if I screw up or say the wrong thing. And often times when those around do not agree or are unable to see the truth of my heart, they don't hesitate to share their thoughts openly without any type of filter. I am grateful that God has given me a spiritually thick skin but don't be deceived, I am constantly praying for one that is even thicker, more durable and less penetrable.

Truthfully, God in His great love for me, frequently allows me to see what I call "the bottom line". Behind every angry email, behind ever gossip spoken, behind every expression of rejection I believe are truly hurting individuals. Individuals that are desperate for true love, for true life, for true reconciliation, for a true desire to be understood and desperate to seek understanding, individuals so desperately struggling with pride.

Comforting is the fact that Paul writes about these same people in 2 Corinthians. Paul loved the church in Corinth - intensely. In chapter 2 verse 4 Paul says, "I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you." As I read what Paul writes, I can truly feel the intensity for which he loves these people but even more so I deeply understand it.

When God calls you into ministry He places a supernatural love inside your soul for those He has entrusted to you and even those you have yet to meet. It might be hard to believe or even understand until you experience it for yourself, I can understand that, but it is true!

So, perhaps instead of standing next to the preacher that's working on the trellis with a hammer waiting to see if he will make a mistake (because he will), I encourage you to pick up a hammer and work on that trellis right alongside him. Make a commitment to making one of the best most sturdy trellis' that will allow for a beautiful vine to grow and flourish.

Father, I pray for minister's of the Gospel everywhere; may they truly feel your overwhelming love for them and stay encouraged as they walk alongside others. This is our lot in life and how glorious it is that we get to be your jars of clay! It is the deepest desire of my heart that we do not grow weary, that we don't give up the fight, that we learn true joy and perseverance from those that traveled desperately to spread your Gospel thousands of years before us!

2 Corinthians 5:12 We are not trying to commend ourselves to you again, but are giving you an opportunity to take pride in us, so that you can answer those who take pride in what is seen rather than in what is in the heart.

Refreshed...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 13:38:00 +0000

I love when I am in the Word and passages come alive and speak to me as they never have before - does that ever happen to you? I hope so... it's evidence of the Holy Spirit speaking directly into our lives as we meditate on sacred scripture, a love note written for our souls!

This past week we talked about sowing and reaping in a theology group many on our staff are participating in. As I read this scripture this morning it was a beautiful reminder that placing our faith in Christ and obeying Him and His direction for our lives begins a new season of sowing new seed, weeding out the old growth, being patient in the pruning and awaiting the new growth. It's a process but listen to His sweet word to us through the Apostle Peter...

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brother, love one another deeply, from the heart. For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God. 1 Peter 1:22-23

Father, I pray that we hold the truth close to our soul daily being refreshed in You. May we constantly lead a life that leads others to you so that they may be born again of imperishable seed! As believers it is my heart's desire that we truly live with sincere love for one another, deeply from the heart!

Psalm 1:2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night.

I'm Doing the Best I Can...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 02:25:00 +0000

Growing up, school came pretty easy, any sport I played I played pretty well... a lot of things I did just came easy to me. But with that ease came high expectations from my parents, teachers, coaches, friends - expectations that I couldn't always meet and in the end when I felt I had failed those around me because I didn't meet those expectations, I felt badly about myself as though I was fully responsible for how I seemingly disappointed others.

I once was in a conversation with a group of women in a Bible study. The pastor of their church had just informed the congregation of a moral failure and as you can imagine it devastated the church. However, as I sat and listened to how these women talked about this pastor my heart began aching for him because all I could "see" from the words I was hearing was they had put this man on a pedestal, most likely one he didn't ask to be put on, so when he fell due to human decisions, failures, inadequacies, and the sin that so easily entangles us, those around him were devastated.

The truth is - we WILL disappoint one another.

The truth is - we WILL fail one another.

The truth is - we are hopefully and prayerfully with Him and through Him doing the best we can!

How beautiful and completely freeing it is to know that only one has walked this earth, fully human yet fully perfect. There is only one that fully meets our expectations. There is only one that will truly never fail us!

So if there is someone in your life that you feel has disappointed or failed you, I encourage you to examine first your expectations and truly know they are probably trying to do the best they possibly can! One of the greatest gifts we could genuinely give to one another is faith in one another.

Father, it truly is the desire of my heart that we learn to love one another right where we are on our journey. May we truly see each other as you see us - doing the best we can! Your grace, love and faith in us is overwhelming... may we overwhelm one another the same here on earth!

1 Corinthians 9:19 Even though I am free of the demands and expectations of everyone, I have voluntarily become a servant to any and all in order to reach a wide range of people: religious, nonreligious, meticulous moralists, loose-living immoralists, the defeated, the demoralized—whoever... I did all this because of the Message. I didn't just want to talk about it; I wanted to be in on it. (The Message)

Peace be With You...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 00:30:00 +0000

Growing up in the Catholic church there were many phrases we said redundantly each mass. Unfortunately, instead of the phrases or words being meaningful they became a rote set of words lacking any depth or meaning to me. This is not an indictment on the Catholic church, it just wasn't a religion that reached me!

One phrase, however, is coming to mind as I have been reading through 2 Peter. This phrase probably could not have meant any more to me until this very point in my life nor would I have been able to recall the fact that I have been "praying" these words for most of my life until now. What's the phrase? "Peace be with you," the Priest would say, and we would all respond with a resounding, collective, unison response "and also with you."

Did the Priest ever wonder if we meant it? Did it ever lack depth to him? Had he been going through the motions for so long that it became a checklist of words and phrases as he led us? I wonder how Father Nier could have ever felt he was really even leading us toward Him, leading a flock like a Shepherd, when we sounded and acted much like a step-ford congregation of people.

Considering this makes me a bit sad, especially for my family that are still practicing Catholics. Why? Because as I read 2 Peter, I struggle getting past verse 2 of chapter 1 without the overwhelming confirmation that the peace we were "giving back" to Father Nier should have come from my knowledge of God and of Jesus my Lord and yet I never knew Him growing up in the church! I went through a set of words and phrases that lacked meaning without any kind of understanding and for a period of my life I missed out on grace and peace in abundance because I truly did not have the knowledge of God and of Jesus my Lord.

So Father Nier.. may peace truly be with you! From the little blond girl who always sat on the second pew!

Father, it is the true and deepest desire of my heart that anyone who should read this would be overwhelmed by you, by your presence, by your grace, by your abounding love for each and every one of your creations. And through that overwhelming emotion I pray that grace and peace be theirs in abundance through the knowledge of you.

Psalm 122:8 For the sake of my brothers and friends, I will say, "Peace be within you."

Clogged Arteries...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:59:00 +0000

Heart attacks can be fatal. Several factors contribute to that statement. The most common factor we hear about is clogged arteries which inhibits blood flow to and through the heart.

Sometimes I think our Christian walk is plagued with clogged arteries but we don't know that until we have a heart attack - depression, isolation, anger, pride, lust, resentment... giving ourselves over sometimes even willfully to sin... all potentially leading to a spiritual death - the most devastating type of heart attack to experience!

So how do our arteries become clogged? How do we get to a place where we have allowed offenses, frustration, sadness, anger, pride, ignorance, foolishness to begin building up like plaque in our systems? Unfortunately, it's easy... for everyone... no one is exempt!

The better question is how do we keep from getting to that place? I love John 15 because Jesus states it so visually beautiful!"

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers... If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you... If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

The answer is - apart from Him we can't - no, we won't survive!

Father, it is my heart's desire that I remain in you that my system is free from any hindrance, any build-up, any stumbling block. I am desperate for you in my life! I know apart from you I will fall and I will fail. Lord, thank you for loving me and revealing the dark spots in my life that could potentially lead to my spiritual death. Help me to be an obedient servant, Father, and desire above all else that your words remain deep in my heart.

Mark 2:17 On hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Don't Look at Me...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 16:03:00 +0000

Because I struggled with pride so desperately the first 30 years of my life I just recently realized that for over the last 6 years I have moved to the opposite end of the spectrum where I am uncomfortable with a compliment, I have difficulty looking in the eyes of affirmation... I just don't want the attention, I feel like I am stealing the affection rightfully due the Bridegroom.

I truly believe my heart has been in the right place because I always want to do a job well done that would give Him the glory, I want to bless, support and encourage others as He directs me because He is giving me opportunity to move in His ways here on Earth, I want to be used by Him to reach others because there is no greater joy and it is what He has commanded us to do, I want there to be reasons to celebrate, I am so grateful He would consider me worthy to be used by Him.

And even greater still, what is so exciting and fulfilling to me is when the outcome is just what I was praying for - someone is encouraged, someone is blessed, someone is moved to the cross, someone walks in freedom. I almost always have this conversation in my head with God that I acknowledge as happy as I am on the inside, that as much as my heart is smiling I say to Him, "this must be making you smile!" .. and I have this beautiful sweet moment with my Father.

But in all of that I just don't want anyone to see me.. I want them to see Him.. to be desperately drawn to Him!

So in my quiet time with Him today He loved me enough to pour Truth into my soul. That overwhelming uncomfortableness is really... FEAR fueled by PRIDE! Wow... The two most devastating characteristics that are so far from His character, two emotions that I felt I was standing firm against, two words I don't ever want to define me as a Christ-follower I ended up falling prey to and I didn't even realize it!

What was my response? I fell on my face in repentance and in desperation asked my Father to show me the way. Can it really be that simple? Yea, it can be and it is! Praise His name for that Truth!

He allows me to be a part of His amazing ministry ever day of my life, whether it's His ministry in my home, His ministry at work or within the church body or His ministry walking down the street - I don't want there to be anything that exists in me that separates me from Him.

Father, I am so grateful you love me enough to show me the blind-spots in my life, please prune from me those things that separate me from you. Your grace and love is overwhelmingly sufficient for me. Thank you for being the perfect role model of quiet confidence. It is the deepest desire of my heart that you show me the way, teach me how to receive. Forgive me for thinking I could steal the affection due you - how terribly arrogant and ignorant of me. Father, help me walk with balance.

John 8:50 I am not seeking glory for myself but there is one who seeks it.

I Did Not Come to Be Served...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 23:14:00 +0000

If you live in the Flower Mound area you will be hard-pressed to find a street that isn't being worked on, built, modified or repaired. I so appreciate the hard work and long hours of those creating safer and more efficient roadways but, with construction on the roadways comes a greater potential for accidents and mishaps.

The other day I was driving to work and the opposing lane of traffic was down to one lane and to add to that, the traffic was stopped completely due to a 3-car accident. As I drove by I could tell cell phones were in use and everyone appeared unharmed so I continued to drive. I did not go but about 3 or 4 cars when I noticed a woman very passionately get out of her car, walk to the median of grass, throw her arms in the air and begin to talk to I suppose whoever would listen. She was so irritated by her circumstance!

I knew the individuals in the accident were okay, but did she? Did she know that three vehicles were now in a compromised condition... that she was going to be able to go about her day easily because her car was still in good working condition? Did she know if there were children in the cars possibly afraid?

I don't know the answers to those questions but I do know that the perceived frustration this woman expressed made an impact on me. The rest of my drive to work I thought about how we tap our toe at the microwave because our food isn't getting cooked fast enough, we have self-serve checkout lines because we think we can process our merchandise so much faster eliminating the "middle-man" because we can do it ourselves so much quicker, we get a bit irritated when there is a line at the drive through... we are so entangled in the "it's all about me" we don't realize how lost in selfishness we have become. We look like a people so caught up in our own agendas, our own wants, our own lives that we don't seem to have the time or desire to truly see what is going on in the world around us.

Matthew 25:45 comes to mind when Jesus says, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for the least of these, you did not do for me." I wonder what Jesus would have thought had he seen the same situation I did - He always had an amazingly poignant response. I pray desperately that He would make me more graceful and loving, but unfortunately, I was greatly disappointed.

Just think of the impact this woman would have made on at least 20 people had she gotten out of the car, walked forward and asked how she could help. What would the domino-affect have been? I believe it takes just one! It takes one to look outside of themselves and not only see but engage in what is going on around us. Are you going to be the one?

Father, I want to be the hands and feet of Jesus wherever I go - strip me of my pride and selfishness that keeps me captive. It is the deepest desire of my heart to serve you - may I see the opportunity I have to do so by serving others. Thank you for being the ultimate role model.

Matthew 20:26-28 Whoever wants to be great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave - just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.

The Tie That Binds...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:55:00 +0000

Jeb is a part of the Texas Task Force 1. This is a separate distinction from his job as a firefighter/paramedic. This is a team that you apply to be a part of with specialized training, unique skills and a big heart to serve! If you know Jeb, I believe you would say that describes him well!

Recently with all that has occurred in Haiti, there was a great likelihood that he and his team were going to be deployed to work as part of the rescue efforts. Due to several logistics and the massive response to aid Haiti, his team did not end up serving there but several of the other national task force teams were sent and are on the ground in an effort to serve the nation of Haiti.

This clip is the California Task Force actively rescuing a woman from what I can only imagine was once a sturdy structure shaken to pieces and rubble by the earthquakes. This clip greatly moved me, because as it is with the fire department, these are his brothers - there is a clear tie that binds them together - they love each other, they protect each other, they serve each other, they train together, they encourage each other.

Father, I am so grateful for the servant heart you have placed in each of us. May we find our place, our own "task force" to serve with so that we might be used as a vessel to love others, to protect others, to encourage others, being loved, protected and encouraged in return. It is the deepest desire of my heart that EVERY person who serves alongside my husband would know YOU and serve YOU - that through the work of their hands they would come to worship our mighty and awesome God!

Proverbs 18:24 A man with many friends may be harmed, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother.

Thank you Vinny, Buck, Biff, Boozer, Tackett, Luke, Daniel, Tucker, Jason, Kyle, Schmitty, Hornback, Shane, Jeff, Aaron and Delante for being Jeb's rear-guard!

First Inclination...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 13:18:00 +0000

Jeb and I purchased the movie Facing the Giants when it first came out - what was that, two years ago? We never got around to watching it until a couple of weeks ago (that's what happens when you have four kiddos running around). I love stories of victory through perseverance of faith. You want to give the television or movie screen a standing ovation because you have been so moved by the life win!

I have been thinking a lot lately about one of favorite stories from the Old Testament. Don't get me wrong, there are many great life lessons, amazing victories, words of truth but this is one in which you walk away from saying, "Yes! Our team won!" - you want to give the Good Word a standing ovation!

The story begins in 2 Chronicles 20 with King Jehoshaphat. He has just been informed that a vast army was coming against him. The vast army wasn't a couple of angry men, the vast army was the Moabites and Ammonites with some Meunites (vs. 1). Two versus later we see the king make the wisest move he could possibly make... Alarmed, Joshoshaphat resolved to inquire of the Lord proclaiming a fast for all of Judah.

As you continue to read you see the people respond by coming together, fasting, praying and listening. The story just keeps getting better, you feel the momentum as the Spirit of the Lord begins to speak through Jahaziel words of truth and encouragement... you will not have to fight this battle, take up your positions, stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you... at which point it says ALL of the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in worship before the Lord... some stood up and praised the Lord with a very loud voice.

We fast forward to the next day and the king is addressing all of the people with the battle plan.. you ready for this? He appoints men to sing to the Lord and to praise him for the splendor of his holiness as they went at the head of the army saying: Give thanks to the Lord, for his love endures forever. Did you read that? The worshippers were sent ahead of the army! I don't know about you but if I was in that choir it would only be faith in Him that would get me to go joyfully singing knowing of the vast army waiting and I'm standing in front of the guy on my team that I perceive to have the real weapon.

Here is where the standing ovation comes in - in verse 22 it says.. As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes against the men... and they were defeated. The vast army was defeated because the Lord's people came together, fasted, prayed, listened and obeyed!

So let me ask you... when you feel surrounded by the vast army, what is your first inclination?

Father, it is the deepest desire of my heart that when I feel I am surrounded my first inclination will be to run to you at the foot of the throne and seek your counsel. I pray that you will put others in my path that will impart wise counsel but more than that, I will test it against your character and listen. Lord, may I always see myself as a child of God and respond in obedience to my Father. Praise your name that you are perfect and holy and what you ask of us will always be worthy of a standing ovation.

John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

How Far Would You Go...

noreply@blogger.com (Brandi Miller) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 03:04:00 +0000

A couple of weeks ago Elena, our two year old, was walking through the living room saying, "stupid, stupid, stupid" with great enthusiasm. She wasn't talking to anyone or about anything in particular but the boys immediately reprimanded her by letting her know she cannot say the "s" word! The boys make this correction a lot at school too evidently. They are not reserved in the least to let other kids know we don't say God or Jesus unless we are praying and any other word for that matter that the boys have deemed not to be a good or wise choice. I'm good with that! Because they have not suffered any repercussions as of yet from standing firm, they have absolutely no limitation on how far they will go to encourage that Truth.

But that firmness, that steadfastness to the Truth diminishes as we grow older, doesn't it? We become more desensitized to the world around us. We no longer really hear the fowl language on TV, we no longer really pay attention to that billboard as we drive downtown, we don't think twice about this glance or that thought. We are allowing the world to creep in slowly and change our standard of good and wise choices.

I love the story of King Josiah! In 2 Kings 23:25 it is stated... neither before nor after Josiah was there a king like him who turned to the Lord as he did - with all his heart and with all his soul and with all his strength, in accordance with the Law of Moses. Can you imagine such a statement written about you? Neither before nor after was there a person like Brandi who turned to the Lord as she did - with all her heart and with all her soul and with all her strength. You try it! Put your name in there - what does that sound like?

When you read the account of his life, he spent a great deal of his time and effort trying to remove "the world" and restore God's law to the people and for the people. He made mistakes, sure, but the overwhelming theme of his life is that he sought the Lord with all of his being and tried to help others along the way see the Truth and walk in the Truth.

Father, I want to be strong and steadfast in Your Truth! Lord, it is the deepest desire of my heart that I resist falling to the things of this world. Sometimes I feel so small and unable, but Lord, I believe the YOU in ME makes me a giant ready and able for battle. It would be an honor to encourage those around me as we seek to restore your law in our lives and in the lives of others.

1 John 4:4 Greater is He that is in me that he that is in the world.