The Pessimist

Please Stand By

Justin — Sat, 01 Jun 2013 19:08:37 +0000

After years of development, of false starts, aborted launches, and other self-inflicted mishaps, our most cynically brilliant adventure is about to begin.

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5 Other Dying Careers You Should Avoid

Mark — Tue, 14 May 2013 16:47:37 +0000

What jobs will remain after America turns into a post-apocalyptic shell of its former self? Here are five dying careers for the smart job seeker to avoid.

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Get Ready for the Killer Robot Apocalypse

Mark — Tue, 07 May 2013 16:15:59 +0000

We don't mean to sound alarmist, but you will almost definitely die at the hands of killer robots. Heads up!

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How to Go Broke in 5 Easy Steps

Mark — Wed, 01 May 2013 20:14:08 +0000

Too much money burning a hole in your pocket? Follow our five easy steps, and you'll go broke in no time flat!

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A Poem for Amanda Palmer

Mark — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 14:57:31 +0000

One of the great things about writing for a humorous current events blog is that there’s always great material. There’s just no end to hilarious stories in the news, ready to be satirized. Take last week, for example! There was,…

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How to REALLY Deal with Corporate Types

Mark — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 19:43:13 +0000

The Pessimist's guide to dealing with the corporate types you know and barely tolerate. Because they're not going away, however much you might pray for it.

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How to REALLY Manage Creative People

Mark — Mon, 08 Apr 2013 13:00:29 +0000

Creative types: pretty much every office has at least one. You might not even realize it, but it’s a sure thing that at least one of your coworkers is working on a novel, maybe trying to write a screenplay, or…

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Happy Birthday, Despair

Justin — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 18:54:09 +0000

Despair, Inc. officially turns 15 years old this week! And we're planning to celebrate the only way we know how. With lots of Drinking & Demotivation™!

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Please Don’t Move to Austin

Mark — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 13:50:03 +0000

Our hometown of Austin, Texas, is the best city in the world. But don't move here. Please.

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Look on the Dark Side

Mark — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 13:15:31 +0000

Don't be afraid to look on the dark side of life. Because it's looking on you.

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