To the Class of 2012

Neil Howe delivered the following commencement address at the University of Mary Washington on May 12, 2012.

At a commencement address, speakers often go on too long. This I won’t do. I may not succeed as well as Salvador Dali, who famously delivered the world’s shortest speech, only four seconds long. He announced at the podium: “I will be so brief I have already finished,” and then sat down.

Commencement speakers also like to intone about “today’s youth generation.” And this is fine. Except that they then go on to talk at length about their own experiences in their own youth and tell you: Because this worked for me in my generation, it will work for you in yours. This should alert you that these speakers have no idea what a generation is.

Let me clarify. A generation is a group of people who share a basic outlook on life shaped by their common age location in history, their common “generational setting.” The renowned sociologist Karl Mannheim called this “eine Generationslagerung,” which I promise you is both the longest word—and the only German word—that you will hear from me.

“Youth,” on the other hand, is just an age bracket. It’s like an empty hotel room that different generations move into with their own baggage, and then soon leave. Sometimes that room swells with sweet music, sometimes it throbs with death metal, and sometimes it’s utterly silent. But it’s never the same.

Bottom line: All of you Boomer and Generation X parents are essentially unlike your children—and were not the same even when you were kids. And you Millennial Generation graduates are essentially unlike your parents—and will not become like them as you grow older.

So how, exactly, are you different? Well, start with the obvious: pop culture. Believe it or not, parents, your kids have never known that America, Chicago, and Kansas are the names of rock bands, not just places. Or what about technology? Ever notice the blank stares when you tell them roll up the window, turn the channel, or dial a number? Or what about current events? For as long as Millennials can remember, NATO has been looking for a mission, China has been peacefully rising, Brazil has been building shopping malls, and Boomers Bill O’Reilly and David Letterman have been hating on each other in plain view of millions.

Now these markers are interesting, but if there’s one big idea I want you to take away from my remarks, it’s that generational differences go much deeper.

Consider.

You Millennials grew up in an era of rising parental protection, never knowing a time without bicycle helmets, electric plug covers, Amber Alerts, and fifteen different ways to be buckled into your minivan seat. We, the parents, grew up in an era of declining parental protection: Our moms and dads told us, “We don’t care where you go so long as you’re home for dinner.” As for seatbelts, we were told if there’s an accident to just throw up our hands to protect our heads. As kids, we never saw a “Baby on Board” sticker. “Baby Overboard” would have been more appropriate.

You Millennials were raised to be special—very special—and to trust your counselors, support groups, and smart drugs to keep you feeling pretty good about the world, like a Sims character having just the right digital balance. We, the parents, knew we weren’t very special, didn’t trust anyone to advise us, and thought staying away from counselors was a sign of toughness. When you came to college, there were long orientations and immersions, and many of your parents clutched teddy bears and wept. When we came to college, we jumped out of the car and tried to grab our suitcases before our parents sped off.

You Millennials were raised to be team players—and you are, with community service, group projects in the classroom, and clubs for everything. And, above all, you are team players with digital technology that connects you all to each other on Facebook, and smartphones that you take to bed with you. We, the parents, were a lot more into competition, rebellion, and defying the mainstream. We did not “friend” each other. Our generation invented the “personal” computer. Personal, as in “mine and not yours,” and certainly not part of the corporate mainframe our own parents bequeathed to us. Growing up, our biggest fear was that Big Brother might someday install cameras in our rooms. Our biggest joy was hearing Steve Jobs announce that “1984 won’t be like 1984.” And now, our biggest surprise has been to see our kids connect with each other by installing their own cameras in their own rooms!

As a generation, you Millennials have a surprisingly conventional outlook on life. Surveys show that as you grow older you wish to become good citizens, good neighbors, and well-rounded people who start families. Violent youth crime, teen pregnancy, and teen smoking have recently experienced dramatic declines, and for that we congratulate you.

Most startling of all, the values gap separating youth from their parents has virtually disappeared. You watch the same movies as your parents, buy the same brand-name clothing, talk over personal problems with them—and, yes, feel just fine about moving back in with them. When I travel around the country, I often ask people now in their 40s or 50s how many songs on their iPod overlap with what’s on their kids’ iPods. The typical answer is 30 to 40 percent. Let me tell you, back in my days on campus (later known as “the days of rage”), we did not have iPods, but if we had, the overlap would have been absolutely zero. Everything about our youth culture was intentionally hostile and disrespectful of our parents. That was the whole idea.

People sometimes ask me, “What does it mean that one generation is different from another—that Millennials, for example, are different from the Boomers or Gen Xers who raised them? Does it mean that some generations are better than others?” And I say: No. There is no such thing as a good or bad generation. Every generation is what it has to be, given the environment it encounters when it enters the world. History shows that whatever collective personality a new generation brings with it is usually what society needs at the time. As such, youth generations tend to correct for the excesses of the midlife generation in power, and they tend to refill the social role being vacated by the older generation who is disappearing.

To avoid speaking in code, let me rephrase this as follows. The Millennial Generation is correcting for the excesses of Boomers and Gen Xers who today run America. I need not remind you what those excesses are: leadership gridlock, refusal to compromise, rampant individualism, the tearing down of traditions, scorched-earth culture wars, and a pathological distrust of all institutions.

The Millennial Generation is also reprising many of the hallmarks of the original G.I. Generation, the so-called “Greatest Generation,” who are now passing away. Like the Millennials, the G.I.s grew up as protected children and quickly turned into optimistic, consensus-minded team players who, in the dark days of the 1930s and ‘40s, saved our nation from turning in the wrong direction at the wrong time.

Igor Stravinsky once wrote that every generation declares war on its parents and makes friends with its grandparents. Yet again, that has happened.

So all of you parents out there: Be proud of this new generation. They aren’t like you, but they are what America now needs. They don’t complain about the storm clouds looming over their fiscal, economic, and geopolitical future; they try to stay positive. They don’t want to bring the system down; they’re doing what they can to make it work again. They worry about you a lot. And they want to come together and build something big and lasting, something that will win your praise. Beneath their tolerant, optimistic, networked, and risk-averse exterior lie attitudes and habits that may prove vital for our country’s healing and for our country’s future.

No one knows what challenges this Millennial Generation may eventually be asked to bear. Hardly anyone expects them to become America’s next “Greatest Generation.” But someday you can say you heard it from me: That is their destiny, to rescue this country from the mess to which we, the older generations, have contributed, perhaps a bit more than we ever intended—and, in so doing, to become a great generation indeed.

Thank you

This was taken from John Mauldin’s blog post, click on the link to read his entire post.

So, what are you doing?

Parents- “One of the most difficult situations that I have had is when a parent told me, others, and my spouse that her son did not like what we were doing in youth group” said Steve Coleman, Minister of students and families at Richmond First Baptist. According to the student there was “too much Bible study, too much Jesus stuff and all he (the student) wanted to do was play. She said she didn’t want to make him come and participate in the events. This was when he was a freshman in High School. Fast forward to freshman in college and she came to me weeping that her son was disrespectful to her, to women, was failing in college, on drugs and she didn’t know what to do with him. I prayed with her for understanding, of guidance and wisdom for the situation. Inside I wanted to tell her to roll the clock about 5 years and have him plugged into what we were doing in our youth ministry. We were doing things to help them mature, to grow and own their faith, not just play games and have fun all the time. But what can you do?”

Destructive student behavior- Issues like cutting, eating disorders, drinking, drug abuse and truancy. These issues may require you not only have tough conversations with the student and their families but also professional counselors that can help the student and their families through this issue. Cutting, according to Tree Akers, youth minister at Northside Baptist in Elizabethtown “is more common among teens than we as youth ministers would like to acknowledge. But a loving, listening heart goes a long way in working with those students through those situations.

Pregnancy of core student- “One thing that I would say about the core student pregnancy,” said Akers is that “you acknowledging that they made a mistake. But, you move on and love them through that situation anyway.” He continues, “There was a student in a church I served that got pregnant (granted she was in college). There were folks that thought that we (as church leadership) needed to discipline her or something for her actions. They never went to her to talk about it of course. In listening to her testimony since then (and the pregnancy happened about 3 years ago), she stated that the one thing she so appreciated during that was having a church family that loved her during that time. She acknowledged that it was a bad choice on her part, but it is what it is now. She is actively involved at a church in the town she now lives, and got married shortly there-after.”

Pornography-Josh McDowell at this year’s state evangelism conference addressed other hard conversations youth leaders must have. This conversation is on pornography. According to McDowell’s research, 67% of all 12-25 year old visit porn sites regularly and 90% of all 8-16 year olds have view pornography. But it is not just our students that are viewing porn. His research showed that 64% of evangelical pastors visited porn sites last year and he estimated that with youth pastor it was closer to 80%. Porn is an epidemic in our society and one that we as churches have been silent on for too long.  Some of his stats and part of his presentation are here at just1clickaway.

These four issues and others like them aren’t going to go away if we ignore them, so we need to prepare ourselves for them, because they are coming our way.

What advice do you have to those just getting started out in the journey of youth ministry?

A few of them were taking advantage of the time off from school to help with cleanup from the rash of tornados that passed through the region a few weeks ago.  Jerrod Brooks who serves at Bellevue in Owensboro is “taking a group of students Good Friday, April 6^th-Saturday April 7^th to Harrisburg, IL to help with disaster relief from the tornadoes”.  Rich Smith, at Lawrenceburg First Baptist is “Taking just a couple to West Liberty to help clean up.” Chris Bumbalough at Allen Baptist is “doing a Friday-Sunday mission effort to help with the continuing disaster relief in Salyersville, Ky. I have two other youth groups coming to join us- one from VA and one from TN and we are going to work together for a weekend. “

Some like Cody Turner, Youth Minister at Hillcrest in Hopkinsville are coupling mission projects with end of the week activities.  He says, “We have partnered with a local Business owner that is a part of our Church. The business is Mr. Mulch. What we have made a list of those in our church needing mulch work done and are partnering them with students who are willing to serve. This scheduling is very flexible through the week. There are two concerts we are making available Jesus Culture (Nashville) and Toby Mac (Paducah). Lastly on Friday we are countering the hot topic right now of bullying. We are giving out tickets for our students to invite others from school. We will be showing “To Save a Life.”

Others are planning multiday trips and emerging their students into a different culture.  One of these is Josh Houk, Minister to Students at Crosspointe in Owensboro.  He says: “We are taking some of our students to Wayside Christian Mission to serve for a couple of days at the end of Spring Break. They are excited to have the opportunity to serve in a way that they have never done so before. One of our students has decided to clean out her closet before we go, so she can take items to the mission.”

Another is Jonathan “Woody” White, from New Friendship Baptist in Auburn is taking his group to Haiti through Crossings ministries over spring break and then “at the end of April we have our association d-now. Our missions projects for that are planting flowers and other plants for the widows in our church, doing some maintenance work at the park in town, and some landscaping work around the nursing home.”

Mike Green, Interim Youth Minister at Paris First Baptist “will continue our ministry to the homeless by serving sack lunches to them on Wednesday afternoon” and will follow that up in May with a “ServeNow weekend where we are planning to help tornado victims with cleanup. We are trying to encourage parents to serve alongside their student.”

Steve Coleman at First Richmond is taking a completely different approach, “I am taking a group of our students that are leaders in our youth group on a ½ day leadership ‘retreat’. Specifically, how our programs are working from student perspective. Our trip will be about an hour away, we will brainstorm, evaluate, and then put together some things we might be able to do in ministry. This will include Missions, Ministry, Evangelism, Worship, and Fellowship. “

Let me encourage you to take advantage of the opportunities that are given to involve your students in ministry to and in the world around them.

How are you using small groups in your ministry?

How are you using social media in your ministry?

what are your thoughts…how are you dealing with transportation issues in your student ministry?