First you get the coke then you get the horses and then you get the women. The Zeta drug cartel thought they came up with a brilliant way to launder money from drug proceeds until it turned out that it wasn’t.

Jose Treviño Morales and three others are going on trial in Austin, TX starting today. They allegedly set up a horse breeding and racing business that allowed them to launder millions of dollars in drug proceeds.

Law enforcement officials claim the money came from Trevino’s younger brother, Miguel Angel Treviño Morales, who happens to be head of the Mexican Zeta cartel. He is considered the chief enforcer of the gang which was started by elite Army officers who deserted to work for the Gulf cartel before breaking out on their own. He’s known to heart chopping up his victims while they’re still alive. His favorite fatality is the Guiso which involves putting a victim into an oil drum and burning him alive.

The Zetas spent over $1 million a month on horses. They continued to do so until federal authorities were tipped off by the $1 million purchase of a broodmare which is a female horse used for breeding. Others in the business noted that they were spending big and winning races at a time when the industry was struggling.

The Treviño brothers devised an elaborate scheme in which Mexican businessmen paid for the horses — some of them worth hundreds of thousands of dollars — from their own bank accounts so the purchases would appear legitimate, according to the affidavit. The Zetas would later reimburse the businessmen, and the horses’ ownership would be transferred to Tremor. The brothers’ activities on either side of the border made for a stark contrast. One week in May began with the authorities pointing fingers at Miguel Ángel Treviño for dumping the bodies of 49 people — without heads, hands or feet — in garbage bags along a busy highway in northern Mexico. The week concluded with José Treviño fielding four Tremor horses in a prestigious race at Los Alamitos Race Course, near Los Angeles.

Their horses appeared to win fair and square unlike in Mexico where they would be allowed to win by other owners who feared the wrath of Treviño if they lost.

The feds might also have been tipped off by the Zetas baller style.They would buy horses with duffel bags full of cash. The horses had names such as Number One Cartel, Big Daddy Cartel, Coronita Cartel and Mr. Ease Cartel. Their stables were named Zetas Stables. Jose was obviously the Roger Clinton or Billy Carter of the family. “Mama says give him a job. There’s no way he can mess this up. Just buy the horses and race them.”

The Zeta horse breeding operation sounds like something No Limit or Cash Money rappers would do if they actually followed through on their poorly laid out plans instead of fading away or going to prison for life.

The horses were auctioned off after the Zeta assets were seized. All 450 were purchased including one by San Antonio Spurs owners Peter and Julianna Holt. Coach Pop has already benched A Dash of Sweet Heat until Game 3 of their first round series against the Lakers. It’s unclear whether Ikea or Tesco purchased one as well. It’s more likely they went with Arabber cart horses which are more tender from walking the cobblestone streets of Baltimore.

Thursday 2:30 PM Newcastle Crown Court. How soon until Law and Order: SVU tackles the ongoing rivalry between Newcastle and Sunderland fans? It has everything including riots and horse punching. All we need is a sexual crime. Obviously a Sunderland supporter raping a horse in revenge for Barry Rogerson punching a horse. Dramatic court room scene? Sorted.

An unnamed juror was kicked off a jury panel after admitting that he couldn’t be impartial towards the defendant who he called a “Mackem rapist”.

The Newcastle United fan is understood to have told fellow jury members he could not give David Blake, from Sunderland, a fair trial so soon after the bitter 3-0 defeat.

He was then instructed to inform court staff, and stood by his bias when he was brought before Judge Penny Moreland.

As a result, before hearing any evidence from the witness box, he was kicked off the panel despite the trial having opened at Newcastle crown court.

He was told not to come back to court to complete his two weeks’ jury service.

The defendant was eventually convicted after the trial was restarted. Ain’t no mistrials up in Her Majesty’s court. We’re getting this done.

Mackem is slang for a Sunderland resident. Their fans were allegedly chanting “Have you ever seen a Mackem punch a horse!” during their match against Everton last week. Dick Wolf needs to hit us up. TV gold, baby. TV gold.

Somebody call Deputy U.S. Marshal Gerard. You know how I know Dr. Richard Kimble was guilty of killing his wife? No innocent man would have throw the first pitch into the ground on Jackie Robinson Day at Dodger Stadium. That throw has wife killer written all over it.

Put me down as one of the Ravens fans who was inexplicably pissed off that the Orioles weren’t willing to move the time of their September 5th home game to accomodate the Ravens. The Super Bowl champions should be opening up at home on that day but will instead play on the road at Denver. You know who else ain’t having it? Rex Ryan.

“Well who really cares, you’ve got 81 at home, maybe you could have done the right thing and given one up and then played 82 on the road and then 80 at home,” he said. “I really don’t think people are going to care about that game.”

“You have a chance to have the defending world champs open up the season at home where they rightfully should. That’s unfortunate,” the Jets coach added.

The Ravens wanted the Orioles to play a day game in order to accomodate the football game at night. Ryan’s idea to play the baseball game away would complicate matters a bit more. It is interesting that the Orioles claimed it would be too difficult to accomodate the Ravens yet somehow thought both stadiums could handle simultaneous events during a joint Baltimore-Washington DC Olympic Games. One would think Peter Angelos would make some concessions but he’s like Mumm-Ra if he was composed of asbestos, tobacco and crocodile tears. He won’t even let any other attorney be a partner in his firm. He probably eats the male babies left out beyond the wall by Craster.

The scourge that is Angelos is still no reason for Ryan and Ravens fans to get so worked up about this issue. It would be great for fans to salute the team without climbing over cars and gates like a scene out of World War Z. However a win is more important and they’ll be home the following week to slap the Browns around like Ike Turner. Fans should be more interested in seeing how Flacco and the new defensive personnel perform. Perhaps John Harbaugh can ask for a moment to thank Denver for Elvis Dumervil right after the national anthem.

I wouldn’t be going to the game even if it was played at home so there’s no need for me to get worked up. I can watch from the comfort of a bar or home seat accompanied by friends and cheap beers. I’ll be wetting myself from the fact that pro football is back and I don’t have to use baseball to fill the emptiness in my sporting heart. My father used to take my brother and I to games at Memorial Stadium and Camden Yards but Angelos and Bud Selig killed my love affair with the sport many years ago.

The Orioles team on the field is likable and fun to watch for a change but the front office and ownership make it a chore to embrace them fully. Ravens players were incredibly supportive of the Orioles down last season’s stretch and through the playoffs but Angelos threw that back in the face of the most popular team in town. Accordingly they refused the opportunity to be honored on Opening Day. Nice try.

That’s the reason why football is #1 in a town which used to be owned by the Orioles. It’s also the reason Ryan threw some bows on them. Well done but now get back to hugging Mark Sanchez and telling him to find a happy place before a quarterback who literally shits himself takes his job. What? Too soon?

This one goes out to Petey from Rex.

50 Cent – Wanksta [HQ] by CaMGuY

UPDATE: Buck Showalter responds

Buck said Rex Ryan should be more concerned w/ playing #Ravens this yr. “I would stay in my supposed area of expertice.” #Orioles #Jets

— Eduardo A. Encina (@EddieInTheYard) April 19, 2013

Dean Wormer told Mr. Dorfman that fat, drunk and stupid was no way to go through life. Losing soccer tournaments isn’t either at least if you play in Argentina.

Injury was added to insult after Huracan lost to Godoy Cruz in the Copa Argentina and their fans attacked the players as they showered following practice.

A group of furious fans disguised in masks bum rushed the locker room, beat up the players and stole their possessions. Several of their cars were also vandalized.

South American fans are known for their fanaticism but beating up players is usually handled by other players or drug cartels. Supporters threatening players is more of an Italian move. Hooligans punching horses is more of an English thing. Robbing players is the signature move of Liverpool and Naples.

A former NBA All-Star. A Texas energy company chairman. A rough diamond trader. An indicted Rwandan warlord. An innocent flight attendant. This has the makings of an intriguing but short-lived Starz series or a terrible movie staring Bruce Willis but unfortunately this is the real life of Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo.

Kelly Shannon, a flight attendant, is suing Mutombo for unspecified damages after “suffering severe emotional trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder” following 42 days in Congolese custody.

According to her suit, flight attendant Kelly Shannon was part of the crew aboard the plane Mutombo chartered to fly his associates and $7 million to pick up the gold … back in February 2011.

In the docs, Shannon says their departure from the Congo was delayed for 2 days, and when the gold was finally being loaded onto the plane … armed guards showed up, arrested everyone, and held them at a hotel for the next 42 days.

Mutombo has one up on Mark Thatcher. He made it look as though he made out with nothing while avoiding arrest let alone the stain of involvement until much later. The incident doesn’t seem to have affected his popularity.

The armed guards mentioned in Shannon’s lawsuit were under the command of Bosco “The Terminator” Ntaganda who you might remember from such slaughters and rapes as Rwanda and eastern Congo. The former warlord is now a guest of the International Criminal Court at The Hague. Before his European sojourn, he was busy pillaging and terrorizing Congolese civilians and jacking gold shipments.

The Houston Chronicle broke the full story about Mutombo and his involvement in the gold smuggling scheme. The saga ended with Congolese officials arresting everyone on the plane except Dikembe’s nephew, Reagan who left with Ntaganda’s people and the gold.

It’s unclear who ended up with the gold and money but it would appear that the Congolese government, Ntaganda and Mutombo made out like bandits while Shannon ended up with PTSD from being cooped up in a Goma hotel. Maybe she would have preferred Hotel Rwanda or a luxurious government jail. People never know when to quit when they’re ahead. In the words of the gold smuggling humanitarian, “No no no!”

Awww the little guy wants some so bad. This soccer fan wishes he was out there punching horses with the big boys or he’s holding himself back from going full berzerker on a whole firm. You want some of this too, old man? No.

Your musical reference: The Mekons

A college friend who will remain nameless had a habit of flashing people at every possible opportunity. You’d be walking down the hall minding your business when he would jump out, seemingly from nowhere, with his dick hanging out. The worst was going to the bathroom. He would sucker you into a conversation, wait until you turned towards the shower then throw up the shower curtain and yell “Check out my unit!” It’s one thing as a college prank. It’s another when Visanthe Shiancoe flashes almost 65,000 football fans during a game.

The NFL took time away from banning running backs from being running backs to require all NFL teams to install video cameras in their locker rooms for the upcoming season. Footage will only be shown on in-stadium scoreboards. Kommissar Roger Goodell claims that the cameras will “enhance the fan experience”.

How much access is too much during NFL games? Most can agree that nothing is gained from the halftime interview. “We need to stop the run and get back to our game.” Thanks. “We need to put some points on the board.” Really? Coaches just want to get into the locker room to make adjustments, check injuries and get ready for the 2nd half. They’re not going to give anything away or say something controversial.

Sideline reporting has become a distraction more than anything else. What’s the point beyond reporting on injuries or altercations on the sidelines? The rest is just filler. The problem isn’t a lack of journalistic ability (unless your name is Tony Siragusa). It’s an issue of how the reporters are used and how little useful information they provide over the course of the game.

Locker room cameras won’t do much to enhance the fan experience. Coaches aren’t going to open up and lay out their game plan. They won’t let loose and motivate players as they normally would behind closed doors. Players won’t be themselves either at least after the first couple get fined for speaking their minds.

Locker room intrusions will affect how teams conduct business in the locker room. I usually favor openness but it’s unclear how this will benefit the fans.

The NFL would focus on cheaper ticket prices and more television access for fans if they were actually interested in enhancing the experience. Do more like making All-22 coverage available as the league did last season. Sunday Ticket should be accessible on cable and online. Showing replays on stadium scoreboards is a good start. It should be up to the individual teams to make the live experience better for the ticket buying public. Some would be great and others like Dan Snyder would suck the very souls out of people.

Bribing public officials isn’t unique to Chicago, Washington DC or even this country. Canadian officials are down for a little quid pro quo although their demands are uniquely America Jr.

Montreal is caught up in the rapture of the Charbonneau corruption inquiry. It’s got everything you would want. Bribery, mafia involvement, bid rigging, price fixing and free hockey tickets.

A half-dozen employees from the city’s engineering department have testified and every single one of them has admitted to taking free hockey tickets whenever they could get them.

They were wined, dined and bribed by construction bosses. Some took gifts ranging from golf vacations to free home renovations. Some accepted money, some said they refused it. One witness said he drew the line at prostitutes and declined to accept the paid company of young women.

But nobody said no to Habs games — the hottest ticket in a hockey-mad town.

Imagine if Richard Daley could have bought off Chicago aldermen with nothing but Blackhawk tickets. Flying cars and moving sidewalks everywhere. A Kuma’s and Tuman’s Alcohol Abuse Center on every corner.

Habs tickets are serious business in Montreal. Individual tickets can go for almost $100 before they hit the resale market. Once they do, forget about it unless you work for the city of Montreal.

Some Montreal municipal employees managed to get tickets for $0.

In exchange, they did a few favours for construction bosses.

Some allegedly doctored work plans, approved false expenses, or shared inside information that ensured certain companies won bids and subsequently inflated the price of a project.

Their work helped businessmen set up a construction cartel in the city, in which a small cabal rigged bids and overcharged for public works. Under that system, illicit profits were divvied up between companies, municipal officials, political parties, and the Italian Mafia.

In at least one case, the hockey tickets appeared to have been as coveted as a bribe.

Taking Habs tickets in return for favors was “standard procedure”.

Hockey tickets also work as currency at the national level. Ottawa is flush with lobbyists handing out Senators tickets like hot cakes. One can only hope they’re more discreet and have a little more pride than Mayor Adrian Fenty and the DC City Council members who fought over Nationals tickets like children. That’s nothing new to DC residents.

Then there was the recent report of a Canadian diplomat charging taxpayers $10,000 to host business officials in a private box at a game in Pittsburgh — a practice that Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird ordered stopped.

Forget international fact-finding junkets to exotic locales. We goin’ to Pittsburgh to see the Pens and get some Primanti Bros. for the drive back to Ottawa! Saku Koivu! That’s what I’m talkin’ aboot!

It’s good to see the Canadians aren’t letting a little inquiry get in the way of business as usual. The Star reports that the Montreal City Council is still awarding contracts to construction firms that are still under investigation. Keep it réel, Habs.

Just wait until J.R. Smith T’s up Joey Crawford. It only a matter of when.