Have you ever felt utterly embarrassed and ashamed of yourself? I think it’s safe to say we all have.

There have been way too many times in my life, especially recently, where I have said and done things that have hurt, and offended a lot of my close friends and family. I have not full-filled what God says in 1 Timothy 4:12 in the least.

I find this is shameful and embarrassing. I have denied the One I love. My true beliefs and convictions. I know that God has called me to a higher standard of living than that. I am a better man than the way I have been in recent times.

For if you forgive others when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Matthew 6:14 TNIV

I want to move forward. I want healing. Growth. Restoration. I need to be forgiven first. The fact is, I have been hurt in the past many times. To those who have done this, whether you know it or not, I forgive you. I do.

And now I ask all of you who have seen me at my worst, say things I should never have said and do things I should not have done, please forgive me. God, I ask you to forgive me for not being the light I am called to be.

Thank you all so very much. It means the world to me.

Love God. Love Others. Choose Life.

Over the past couple days I have had the privelege and honor of working for my church and our denominational covering at the 2008 Fall Regional Conference. It is being held at our church.

I have to say that I did not realize until I have been in the thick of it the monumental responsibility and just how big of a deal it is for this conference to be held at our church. It is massive. It has been an amazing blessing to me personally.

God has really moved upon my life. My life, my spirit, have been changed, ruined by the God in the best way possible, forever. Praise God for it! God has used a very deep man of God from our church to minister into my life. He encouraged me to start reading the Word in Mark 1.

So today in the afternoon I did, and emailed him my thoughts. The funny thing is I did not expect to have so much to say, even as I wrote. There are multiple things that arrested my attention in the chapter, but one particular thought has kept coming back all night to me.

It says that:

35 Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.

I find that interesting. At first I questioned whether or not it is necessary to get up very early in the morning to pray. I thought about it briefly and left it be. During Glenn Burris’ message this evening at the conference it entered my mind again. He said “Jack and I are both early risers”. This hit me immediately. My grandfather is the same way. Up around 4 or 5 am. These men, incluiding our Lord Jesus, rose early to start their day off with God. To be in fellowship and communication with Him. I want that.

I do not know fully my next course of action however I know that God will direct me and I cannot wait!

Blessings and peace

Last night I picked up a copy of Rob Bell and Don Golden’s new book titled “Jesus Wants To Save Christians”. I went home and decided to start reading a little, knowing it would be good, but not expecting it to blow me away before I even got to the end of the first chapter. I left before I finished the first chapter so that I could retain everything I had read.

Once again the book is definitely Rob Bell. Beyond design his writing style is unmistakable. There are his trademark goofy/strange chapter titles. The speed at which you feel you have gotten past the ‘hello’s’ and ‘how are you’s’ to the meat of the chapter and book is amazing. I can’t remember the last time that I read a book that I did not have to work at staying interested for an extended period of time before the meat appeared.

More so that anything else, the content of what he is writing about is really awesome. As with any Rob Bell book you get the sense that you have no idea really what is gonna happen next but you know you wanna continue on. The book covers how the church, specifically the western-church, seems to be abandoning the very foundations of God and Christianity. The writer encourages you to not skip ahead in chapters because they have been written is a way that one builds upon the other. Also, the book follows another book, the Bible. He seems to be going through the history of the world by following the Bible chronologically.

Overall I am beyond ecstatic to pick the book back up and continue reading. I feel I need to read this book very much. I recommend picking yourself up a copy as soon as possible. Blessings!

Recently my heart has been turning in a new direction. God has put a fire in my heart to make a difference in the world. I think I am becoming somewhat of an activist. Jesus tells to take care of the widow and the orphan. To feed the hungry and clothe the naked. To take care of our fellow human beings.

There are some great organizations I have been looking at lately that are making forward progress in ending things like human trafficking and world hunger. I personally am just starting, in the last week or so, to research and find out more about these organizations and subjects, but I encourage you to take a look and get involved.

These issues are close to my heart and it’s time we as christians stepped out and started being the hands and feet or Jesus. Lets start with donating, but not stop there. We need to go out into these places and experience whats going on. I pray something catches your eye and lights a fire.

End Human Trafficking:

Stop Human Trafficking

End Human Trafficking

Not For Sale Campaign

End World Hunger:

The One Campaign

Feed the Children

Children:

Compassion Int’l

Change the world:

The I Heart Revolution

So I am sitting here in my church foyer, trying to think of something to write. Something deep. Something that will catch your eye and make you go WOW!

And I have nothing.

I am sitting here, researching info for the next Catalyst Conference. I am REALLY excited about that. Some friends (Aaron Foster, Brad Ruggles, Lisa Ruggles) are coming back right now from Catalyst. The next conference is going to be in Los Angeles, CA. There will be a HOST of awesome speakers and Hillsong United is going to be leading the worship.

Other than all that I am texting a new friend and having a great time relaxing. She is not really a new friend I guess. I have “known” her for a while but we talk now. Real cool friend. Recommend every girl in America chase after God like she does. Such an inspiration.

I have been thinking a lot lately about life and the direction God would have me take. Recently a friend of mine and I were talking, and she mentioned about how I needed ultimately to surrender to God. It was almost a passing sentence but it caught my heart’s attention.

Could this be the reason for so much failure within my own life and the church? Could it simply be that a lack of surrendering to God is what makes Christians hypocrites and those who “try the whole God thing out” fail to connect with our Creator?

I think we all resist. Why? It’s because of fear and pride. We fear change. None of us like to be wrong. We all hate being wrong.

Pride leads to destruction;  a proud attitude brings ruin.

Proverbs 16:18 (NCV)

We need to swallow our pride. Ask God to take it away. Then we need to verbally confess with out mouths our surrender to God. Ask Him to help us surrender to all that we cling to. People, emotions, sins, etc. Ask God to guide us as we surrender to Him. Then we will see true and lasting change.

Surrender:

It is in the midst of true surrendering of our lives that we will see God intervene in our lives and change us forever.

I suppose that as a photographer who took pictures today I should be posting pictures up on here of the LifeBridge Birthday Bash (Our churches 4th Year Birthday) however I am without a reader and my watermark is not on them so they will have to come on a later date.

If I could I would like to talk to you about hurt for a moment. I don’t know about you but I have been burned many times in my life. I have had a tedancy to blame the other person. Say that someone hurt me. Truth is that there may be hurt but it is not anyone’s fault but my own.

When you open your heart up to someone or something or some idea and do not guard it and then lose what you were hoping for there is hurt. I was just thinking about this and feel that I have recently learned a very valuable lesson. One that we all should learn.

Sometimes people do hurt us but alot of times we blame others for our failure to truly guard our hearts. This is a serious issue. We chase after something and deep down somewhere our spirits know better but we are lonely or tired or weary and we want. We want, we want, we want.

Try an experiment with me will you? Choose to be aware of the decisions you make. Guard your heart. With people, music, movies, etc. Anything that can be poured into you or anything that you can pour yourself into. Give it a try. One week of being consciously aware of to who and where you are giving your heart away to. Guard it. Send me a comment and let me know how it’s going and where its taking you.

Life is beautiful. It’s all a matter of perspective.

Proverbs 4:23 (TNIV)

Proverbs 4:23 (NCV)

Philippians 4:7

Well here it is. Part three of Aaron and I’s (??) trip to Westfield, IN.

I was elated when I discovered that there was a Chipotle near us. So with eager hearts and hungry stomachs Aaron and I set out for some lunch and to tackle the day. After enjoying the delicious and savory flavors of our Chipotle burritos, we decided to drive to downtown Indianapolis.

Our friend Jessie called and we met up with her at Butler for an hour or so. She gave us the grand tour of campus and told us about her classes. It was great to see an old friend. Then we drove to IUPUI. Man that campus is huge. We are used to IPFW here in Fort Wayne, and even I did not realize the scope of how big that campus is.

We returned home to the Ruggle’s home and had a WONDERFUL dinner (Thank you Lisa..and Brad..the salad was awesome). Afterward we drove to downtown Carmel and had some ice cream and family time down at Bub’s Burgers and Ice Cream.

Then all the guys drove to Castleton and watched a movie. It was ok . Of course the journey had to end. I awoke this morning to Lisa telling me I literally had five minutes before Aaron and Brad came back from Starbucks and we left.

This trip was much needed. Longer than we expect. There was rest, relaxation, and most importantly interaction with some dear friends. I thank God for all he gave us these past few days and for all my friends.

Enjoy the pictures

Life is beautiful. It’s all in how you view it.

I will post more tomorrow (Part Three) about my trip here in the Westfield/Indianapolis area, but for a moment I would like to take a rabbit trail.

These last few days have been my vacation days. I have thoroughly enjoyed them. But I got something out of this I did not expect. I feel focused.

I never realized how much I love photography. Being down here I have gotten the opportunity to take some amazing pictures and have had so many different “subjects” both stationary and living. I feel like I was not a good steward of what was put before me, however I also think that is a good thing. I strive to be better. I am now more focused as to what shots I am after. Taking my time in composing and lining up the shot. It is not about how many you take but how well they end up.

I also re-realized my love for writing/speaking. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to talk. God made me to speak. Some may be angry with God about that, , but that is not up to me. I forgot how much I love blogging. Brad and Lisa have be the conduit God used to reignite and refocus my passions, gifts, talents and loves. I give God all the glory for it.

Brad showed me pics taken by a photographer named Daley Hake. You should check them out! I aspire to be as good as he is.

Life is beautiful. It’s all in how you view it.

Yesterday was a great day. We were awoke by the ‘Ruggles girls’ getting ready for school. I expected it to be much worse. It was actually entertaining. After a quick shower and some breakfast, Brad, Aaron, and I left to tour Westfield/Carmel and the surrounding areas.

Downtown Indianapolis was great! We ate a restaurant called Weber Grill. Great burgers there! (Yes, burgers again). We talked around the mall a bit. Walked to the top of the Monument at the Circle Center, and then took a quick trek out to the new Lucas Oil Stadium.

Once we got back home Brad and Aaron left for a 7 mile bike ride. I stayed home and played guitar and watched the Ruggles Girls try to play. They’re not that bad.

Finally, Aaron and I shipped out to find some dinner. We ate at Chilis. Aaron’s first time. I think he enjoyed it quite thoroughly. We picked up some ice cream at Kroger and Brad rented Anchorman and we watched that and headed off to bed.

Who knows what exciting things are in store for us today. I am thinking a very smooth relaxing day with our friends…