devotionals

Forgiveness: Three

2018-09-20T13:16:00.001-07:00

Forgiveness: Three

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear,

because fear has to do with punishment.

The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18 NIV

Moving forward. I know for me, my trust has been shattered. I have walls up. Part of forgiveness is not putting the burden of what one person did on other people, and learning how to have boundaries with those who hurt you.

If fear is part of love, it is not truly love. Perfect love drives out fear. So what does that look like?

The example we have of truly perfect love is in Jesus. When I get into a situation where I don't know what to do, I try to focus on how Jesus responded to similar situations, and His teachings on them. Here's what I know: Jesus had boundaries. We get a perfect picture of this on the night He goes into the garden to pray. His disciples come with Him, but His closest three get to come a bit further into the garden with Him, and then He leaves room for just Him and God. Jesus treats everyone with love and compassion, but He does not allow everyone to crowd Him all of the time. When people hurt Him, He doesn't retaliate, but He forgives. However, He does not accept the sin, the hurt, or be close friends with those who hurt Him.

This is a lesson I've desperately needed. For me, forgiveness always meant moving forward, with the person. However, sometimes, forgiveness means forgiving, moving forward, and not having that person really be a part of your life anymore.

If there is fear involved with loving someone, it is not love. I don't mean fear of like, anything. If you are truly in love, that can be scary: how are we going to pay the bills together? What if this person gets hurt? I mean, there are fears involved with loving someone. But if the person scares you, and if their love scares you, it is not love.

This was a lesson I needed to learn so long ago. His love did scare me. I did not feel like myself. I felt scared. However, I did not listen to that. But now that I know, I will not return to a love that scares me. I think it is so important to learn from our pain.

Perfect love is not punishment. I do not want to punish him. I want to move on, and I want to heal. And that is how I know I am finally at a point in which I am truly forgiving and growing. I'm not fully healed yet. But learning that fear has not place in love is an important message, especially for women in 2018.

Write

How can you put up loving boundaries, but not walls, in your relationships? With the person(s) that hurt you? With people you meet? With other people in your life?

Pray

Dear God, thank you for the example of your Son. Thank you for His teaching of perfect love, and thank you for your perfect love. Sometimes fear rules my life, and I'm sorry about that. Help me to remember that there is no fear in love. Help me to put up walls, but not boundaries, so my heart can be filled with Your love. In Jesus's name I pray, amen.

End of Devotional Series: Forgiveness

I am still learning and healing. I am still forgiving, and learning what that means in a healthy, Godly way. So while I know there is more I could include, for now, I am keeping this series at three posts. Once I heal and learn more, I will hopefully have more to share about forgiveness in a second series about this. Thank you for reading, and be on the look out for another series, coming soon!

Forgiveness: Two

2018-09-20T13:16:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness: Two

She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her:

"You are the God who sees me," for she said,

"I have now seen the One who sees me."

Genesis 16:13 NIV

There seems to be this wild misconception that rape and sexual assault are not talked about in the Bible, but this simply is not true. From a young age, we have heard about Father Abraham, and perhaps heard that song about him that goes on forever. Abraham is one of the most prominent figures and examples of faith we have.

However, Abraham, a man of God, for all intents and purposes, rapes Hagar, his wife Sarah's servant. (Another story similar to this we could look at is of David and Bathsheba, seen primarily in 2 Samuel 11.) Now, there are many, many things we can consider about Hagar and Bathsheba's stories as they align with race, servants, and other factors, but since this is about forgiveness from sexual assault, I'm going to just focus on this.

Hagar is raped and impregnated by Abraham, and then abused by Sarah, so she runs away. In the middle of her anguish, she hears from a messenger of the Lord.

I don't know about you, but this sexual assault has made me figuratively (an occasionally literally) run away from aspects of my life. And there are days it makes me feel so incredibly separated from God. But as we see here, God is right there for Hagar. And He is right here for us. Hagar may have been running, but then she knows God is the God who sees her. God is present in our lives.

Another story of rape in the Bible that is incredibly shocking to me is the story of Tamar in 2 Samuel 13. But in this story, we see Absalom care for his sister in the aftermath. While he takes revenge, this only continues to stir things up. When Absalom kills Amnon, it does not solve anything. He did a horrible thing, yes, but killing him did not help anybody.

Sometimes it feels like that person should be gone. Depending on how serious your assault was, you may want them to die sometimes. However, it is important to realize that forgiveness is a better answer than revenge. Forgiveness heals us. Revenge only continues our pain.

Hagar had to return to Abraham and Sarah's house, until she once again was pushed away. Then, she heard from the Lord another time. This time, in Genesis 21:19, God opens her eyes and allows her to see a way to survive.

God knows how we can survive, and He sees us. He has not forgotten us, and He is not ashamed of us.

Write

Listen to God. Allow in His Spirit, and consider what He is opening your eyes to in your healing. How can He help you not only survive, but thrive? Where is God pouring into your life, even if you have been running away? Listen for His voice.

Pray

Dear Lord, You are the God who sees. You see my pain, you see my hurt, and you care deeply for me. I confess, sometimes I run away. In my pain, I've doubted. However, You are the God who helps me to survive. Help me remember that You are present in my pain, and You want to open my eyes to the water of life. In your Son's name I pray, amen.

Forgiveness: One

2018-09-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

Introduction to this Devotional Series: Forgiveness

Hey, ya'll. I'm a survivor. And I have searched for months for a good devotional series for survivors of sexual assault, and while there is some good material out there, it seems to be scattered far and wide. And the past few weeks, God has been tugging on my heart to share what I have been learning about forgiveness. So, I'm making a blog devoted specifically to this. I'm not sure how regularly I will post, but I am hoping to at least once a week. I will spend a few posts on this topic, and then I will continue to move on and write what I'm learning about. Each series will be formatted differently, so if you don't like this one, or if it does not apply to you, check back in at the next series, and perhaps it will. :-)

Forgiveness: One

But He was pierced for our transgressions,

He was crushed for our inequities;

the punishment that brought us peace was on Him,

and by His wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:3 NIV

Forgiveness. It seems like such an easy concept, but it is so difficult to put into practice. And it seems easier for some things than others. Like, when my dog accidentally bites me while I'm playing with him? Easy, forgiven.

But some things are harder. When friends hurt me, I don't know how to forgive, and when a guy manipulated me and treated me like I wasn't a person to care about, but an object? I'm really struggling to forgive.

I think the first thing to really consider and take to heart is the true definition of forgiveness.

The dictionary definition of "forgive" is: stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

And this is something I didn't truly consider for too long. In my head, forgiveness meant reconciliation. It meant not admitting what happened really bothered, and continues to bother, me. For me, forgiveness meant moving forward, while forgetting the past. However, forgiveness is not forgetting, but it is moving forward. It is healing and peace.

I've always looked to Jesus to see how I am supposed to forgive. And His forgiveness has brought me great comfort. In the book of Isaiah, specifically in Isaiah 52:13-53:12, the prophecy of Jesus's suffering is laid out. 'And by His wounds, we are healed.'

So, how can I bring that kind of healing into my life? And do I have to endure a great suffering to forgive this guy? For the longest time, I thought forgiveness meant pain. Jesus forgiving us caused Him so much pain, as we see in the passage in Isaiah, and if you have a Christian background, you know through the Holy Week story. However, forgiveness is a complete 180 of pain: it is releasing my pain. Jesus already suffered the pain of this sin on the cross. I do not have to carry it with me every day. I know that is easier said than done, but the first step to true forgiveness and peace is recognizing what forgiveness truly is: releasing our pain.

You see, I do not have to do all of this work alone. Jesus is there to carry me through and to do the hard work for me. He already bore this sin on the cross. I do not have to suffer, He has already suffered for me. And by His wounds, I am healed. This is the first thing that has brought me a great peace in my healing.

By His wounds, I am healed. Repeat that. Consider what that means. We do not have to daily live with these wounds, because His wounds healed us already.

One of the things I have found most useful in this season of healing has been to have a journal, and to always write. I will include journaling ideas in this devotional to encourage you to do the same.

Write

What are Jesus's wounds? What are the wounds I have that I can surrender to Jesus? What does it mean that by His wounds, I am healed?

Pray

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for your sacrifice of your Son. Thank you for allowing Him to bear the burden of my hurts and of our sins. I confess that there are days I do not take this to heart. This burden has been heavy on my heart, and I have let it fill me up. Help me to fill my heart back up with you, and to release this grip I have by forgiving. Help me to know what that looks like, and how You wish for me to move my life forward in Your direction. In your Son's name I pray, amen.