For dad only, how to explain sex to kids:

When Are They Ready?

Most parents struggle with finding the best way to explain sex to children. We will also look at when a child is ready to use the internet and take other risks. Talking about sex does not have to be weird or kinky. It should be up front and honest. What you will tell each child depends on their age. What spirit you tell it in will determine whether they abuse the information.

What saved me from destruction

I was on a road to sexual self-destruction before I was old enough to understand what was going on. It seemed like I was a magnet for kids who wanted to talk about perverted things. I began kicking against the restraints my parents had placed in my life and longed to go down that path of sin. Curiosity drove me forward into all kinds of shameful thoughts and interests.

I did not fall into a lifestyle of sin. I did not become a pornography addict. I did not get a teenager pregnant. I climbed out of a sewer of lust and found solid ground in my mid-teen years. At age 13, I became a rabid student of the Bible. At age 15, I began praying two hours a day and fasting up to three days at a time.

What changed?

The thing that made the difference in me is a principle I experienced then but learned much later. Jesus practiced this principle when He was a young man. At age twelve, Jesus went to the Temple and made conversation with leaders who had given their lives to studying the Scriptures. He did not hang out for three days with other twelve year olds kicking a soccer ball or telling jokes in the back alley. He gravitated to those who valued the things of God.

I developed a healthy appreciation for mature adults. I began seeking out preachers for conversation rather than hang out with immature peers. Many of my friends flaked off, but somewhere along the line I began to see the value of knowing and learning from men of God.

I would watch the debate videos of Oneness vs. Trinity. I heard preachers mention Hebrew words and how that definition colored the meaning of the text. I set out to learn Hebrew. A preacher gave me a book to introduce me to biblical Hebrew and I set to work learning it.

I went to the Oneness Pentecostal Symposium instead of hang out at the mall with my friends during General Conference. Most of my friends flaked off and did not want to hang around Bible scholars. I remember Stan Gleason recommended that I get a Hebrew Bible called Biblia Hebraica Stuttgartensia. I began saving my money. Soon I was showing off my big, black, Hebrew-Greek-English, interlinear Bible to my friends.

Yes the power of the Holy Ghost changed me. But I got the Holy Ghost at age seven, before I started down the road to sexual self-destruction. I believe the transformation in my life came because of whom I chose to hang out with.

Jesus did not just hang out with stuffy scholars. He attached Himself to his parents. He went home with them and minded them. The best way you can keep your kids out of sexual sin is to create a safe environment where they can trust you and will learn from you.

This means not screaming or threatening. This means loving not controlling. This means leading, not manipulating. If they trust you, they will tell you what their friends said. If not, they will follow their friends.

The best way to explain sex to children

I told my kids that this is not just about keeping their clothes on or not looking at dirty pictures. It is about not wanting to do those things.

It is not about how mad I would be if I found out that they did one of these sins. It is about them getting so close to God that they not desire those things. Rather than just try to avoid it, they should hate it.

The Rusty story will help you explain to your children a proper view of sex and safeguards to keep

When is a child ready to use the internet?

The quick answer: for as long as he is a child he is not ready. A person is safe to take risks like this when he or she has such a strong love for God that he or she hates the evil. If they hate it, they can be trusted around it, but for as long as they are still curious, they are not safe. Many adults should not be online.

A wise child does not want to know what he does not know. A fool digs up all kinds of filth out of curiosity. Eating the forbidden fruit was not motivated by rebellion or defiance but curiosity. If your children are still curious about sexual things they are not safe. They need enough godly council to show them the end result of such misbehavior. Once their sensual appetite has been curbed by good teaching and strong doses of the Holy Ghost, you can trust them to venture into dangerous territory.

You do not want to waste your young men’s minds by letting them see pornography. It would warp how they treat their wives. They would see women as objects of self-gratification. They would demand unnaturally sexual behavior to satisfy the fantasies aroused by the perversion they had seen. No girl should have to marry a guy who has used pornography. She deserves better.

What kind of friends should a child have?

When is a child ready for his or her own phone? When he or she is seeking mature, godly friendships. Texting some peer about nonsense all day is not preparing a child to be the next world leader—or developing him or her into maturity. Eggs cannot hatch eggs. Young people do not develop each other into adults.

Help your children attach themselves to mature adults. Make a safe, trusting environment where they will see you as someone they can come to with questions or confessions. Let them learn from you.

Homeschooling helps children grow up in a multi-generational culture: their parents, children older and younger than themselves, grandparents, or other kin and friends of the family. This is much better preparation for life than age-segregated lifestyles imposed by conventional schools. Hilter’s Germany was the result of parallel culture. So is teen pregnancy.

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Read this story, perhaps the best way to explain sex to children:

Knowing the Right Time for a Good Thing

Last time, Rusty found out they were on their way to Grandma and Grandpa’s. He is not looking forward to this.

Rusty stared out the window of the minivan as they bumped down the road to Grandma and Grandpa’s. He did not want to go, he knew what would happen.

“My birthday is not until next week,” Rusty said out loud. Then he felt dumb. He knew why they were going to Grandma and Grandpa’s, but he wasn’t supposed to know.

Mom and Dad exchanged glances at one another. Mom spoke up, “Yes, it is. Why did you bring that up?”

Rusty shrugged. “Just thinking out loud I guess.”

The next few minutes of the trip were silent. Soon they pulled into Grandpa’s driveway. Everyone hopped out excitedly—everyone that is, except Rusty.

When they got inside, Grandma and Grandpa’s eyes were sparkling as they waited for Rusty to come in. “Happy Birthday!” they called out.

Rusty tried to smile.

Grandpa held out a gift-wrapped box.

Rusty took it.

“I got you this,” Grandpa said, “because I knew you would love it.”

Rusty sat down on the couch looking at the present.

“Well, open it!” Grandma said.

Rusty sighed. He pulled back the end of the wrapping paper where he had opened it before. He was not going to be as careful this time. He tore into the paper and pulled out the box.

“Cool!” Dad said, “that helicopter looks like a lot of fun!”

Rusty nodded.

Misty said, “Aren’t you going to open it? I want to see it.”

“See?” Rusty said holding up the box. “It is a remote control helicopter.”

“So open it,” Misty said. “I want to see.”

“No,” Rusty said. “I want to save it until I get home. I wouldn’t want to break it.”

“Nonsense,” Grandpa said. “I know how to run it just fine. Open it up.”

Rusty hung his head and opened the box. The broken helicopter lay there askew in the plastic, just as he had left it.

“What is wrong with it?” Misty asked.

Rusty shrugged. “Nothing.”

Grandpa walked over and looked. A frown crossed his face. “What is going on?”

“I looked!” Rusty said. “I opened my present before and looked at it.”

“You knew you had a gift from Grandma and Grandpa?” Dad asked. “But your birthday is not until next week…. This was a secret.”

Mom said, “Rusty, I can’t believe you were so dishonest!”

Rusty sniffed and wiped his face on his sleeve. He wanted to cry, but was trying not to. “I took it out and played with it—and I messed the whole thing up.”

Grandpa walked over and looked at the helicopter. Taking it up in his hands, he examined the toy. “You broke it all right.”

The knot in Rusty’s stomach made him feel like throwing up. He knew he was in big trouble.

He was.

•       •       •

The next day at church, Rusty was waiting in the hall. He was not supposed to go outside until his parents were ready to go. Carter walked up and said he had heard about Rusty breaking his birthday present.

Rusty shrugged. He did not want to talk about it.

“Did you get in big trouble?”

Rusty did not want to talk about it.

Carter glanced around. “Hey,” he whispered, “look what I found on the bus Friday.”

“What?” Rusty asked.

“This,” Carter said digging at something in his pocket, “a picture from a magazine…”

Rusty said, “No.” He turned away. “I don’t want to see anything like that.” He walked out to find his dad.

•       •       •

At the same time, Misty was waiting for her mom who was in a meeting in the back of the building. Skylar would not stop pestering her. “Did you hear about the picture my brother found?”

“Nope,” Misty said.

“I saw a movie at my uncles. He didn’t know I was watching.” Skylar started explaining what he saw, using words Misty did not really understand. “Then, in one scene, everybody was on the beach where a—”

“I don’t want to know,” Misty said. “You are making me feel weird.”

“C’mere, I want to show you something,” Skylar said glancing around. He grabbed her by the sleeve and started into an empty classroom.

Misty jerked her sleeve away. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Anywhere, underwear!” Skylar said, grabbing at her skirt.

“STOP!” Misty screamed. She jerked away from him, and ran toward the room where her mother was.

•       •       •

On the way home from church, Dad said, “Well, I am proud of you both. Thank you for telling us what your friends were doing. I am sure their parents need to know what they have been into.”

“It isn’t tattling for us to tell on Skylar and Carter?” Misty asked.

“No,” Dad said. “That is something you need to scream about. Too many lives are hurt by such evil.”

“I guess I should have been more honest with you about the helicopter, too,” Rusty said.

“Yes,” Dad said, “I wish you would have.”

“Sorry.”

“You know I see some similarity between your broken helicopter, which you have to pay to fix now, and the thing Carter was trying to do.”

“How?” Rusty said, frowning.

“Well, Carter was trying to teach you things that you did not need to know anything about. When it comes to matters of sexuality, you should not learn from other kids. Remember with the helicopter, Grandpa knew how it worked and he was prepared to teach you so you could have a good time. Instead, you let your curiosity get the best of you and decided to try it out on your own.

“Now, you wish you hadn’t. Same thing with what Carter was doing. He does not know what he is doing and will regret his actions one day. Just like you should have waited to learn how to use that helicopter from Grandpa, you need to learn husband-and-wife stuff from your parents, not another child. Feel free to ask me anything, and we will talk.”

“Wow!” Rusty said. “I never really thought of it like that.”

“And,” Misty said, “just like Rusty unwrapped his present too early, I am God’s gift, too. I am not going to let some dirty-minded boy unwrap me! I am saving myself for just the right man cause I am special.”

Mom laughed. “Yes you are, honey, yes you are!”

“Mom, how did you find Dad?” Misty asked.

“Well, we were on a mission trip in South America. We had never met before that. He seemed so in love with Jesus and so was I.”

“Did he treat you like a gentleman?”

“Yes, he did. He would not even come in the door of the house where all the girls were staying. He was very respectful and kind.”

“Why did you marry him?”

“I prayed, and God told me I should. We both liked working for the Lord, and we have been helpers in the church since before you two were born.”

“Will there be a guy like that for me when I am older?”

“Absolutely,” Mom said. “Don’t worry about that, Misty. You have plenty of time to just be a kid.”

______

Now discuss it! Help your kids learn why sex is a gift they should not tamper with.

Private time between a husband and wife are a gift from God. Like with Rusty’s present, sometimes children want to unwrap this gift before it is time. What happened to Rusty’s gift when he got into before he should have?

It broke. We must not get into things ahead of time or we ruin it for ourselves.

How did it go for Rusty to learn that helicopter on his own? How should he have learned about it?

It went badly. He should have let Grandpa teach him.

How will it go for you if you try to learn things about sexuality on your own or from friends? Whom should you learn from?

You will get into trouble. Ask parents about it.

Have you ever had someone stick a dirty picture in front of you? If so, what did you do?

Discuss their choices and how to handle such situations.

Has anyone tried to get you to take your clothes off? What did you do?

Discuss their choices and how to handle such situations.

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Read God’s Word together:

Amnon and Tamar

David’s son Absalom had a beautiful unmarried sister named Tamar. Amnon, another of David’s sons, fell in love with her. He was so much in love with her that he became sick, because it seemed impossible for him to have her; as a virgin, she was kept from meeting men. But he had a friend, a very shrewd man named Jonadab, the son of David’s brother Shammah.

Jonadab said to Amnon, “You are the king’s son, yet day after day I see you looking sad. What’s the matter?”

“I’m in love with Tamar, the sister of my half brother Absalom,” he answered.

Jonadab said to him, “Pretend that you are sick and go to bed. When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘Please ask my sister Tamar to come and feed me. I want her to fix the food here where I can see her, and then serve it to me herself.’ ”

So Amnon pretended that he was sick and went to bed. King David went to see him, and Amnon said to him, “Please let Tamar come and make a few cakes here where I can see her, and then serve them to me herself.”

So David sent word to Tamar in the palace: “Go to Amnon’s house and fix him some food.”

She went there and found him in bed. She took some dough, prepared it, and made some cakes there where he could see her. Then she baked the cakes and emptied them out of the pan for him to eat, but he wouldn’t.

He said, “Send everyone away”—and they all left. Then he said to her, “Bring the cakes here to my bed and serve them to me yourself.”

She took the cakes and went over to him. As she offered them to him, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me!”

“No,” she said. “Don’t force me to do such a degrading thing! That’s awful! How could I ever hold up my head in public again? And you—you would be completely disgraced in Israel. Please, speak to the king, and I’m sure that he will give me to you.”

But he would not listen to her; and since he was stronger than she was, he overpowered her and raped her. Then Amnon was filled with a deep hatred for her; he hated her now even more than he had loved her before. He said to her, “Get out!”

“No,” she answered. “To send me away like this is a greater crime than what you just did!”

But Amnon would not listen to her; he called in his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight! Throw her out and lock the door!”

The servant put her out and locked the door.

Tamar was wearing a long robe with full sleeves, the usual clothing for an unmarried princess in those days. She sprinkled ashes on her head, tore her robe, and with her face buried in her hands went away crying.

When her brother Absalom saw her, he asked, “Has Amnon molested you? Please, sister, don’t let it upset you so much. He is your half brother, so don’t tell anyone about it.”

So Tamar lived in Absalom’s house, sad and lonely. When King David heard what had happened, he was furious. And Absalom hated Amnon so much for having raped his sister Tamar that he would no longer even speak to him.

Two years later Absalom was having his sheep sheared at Baal Hazor, near the town of Ephraim, and he invited all the king’s sons to be there. He went to King David and said, “Your Majesty, I am having my sheep sheared. Will you and your officials come and take part in the festivities?”

“No, my son,” the king answered. “It would be too much trouble for you if we all went.” Absalom insisted, but the king would not give in, and he asked Absalom to leave.

But Absalom said, “Well, then, will you at least let my brother Amnon come?”

“Why should he?” the king asked. But Absalom kept on insisting until David finally let Amnon and all his other sons go with Absalom. Absalom prepared a banquet fit for a king and instructed his servants: “Notice when Amnon has had too much to drink, and then when I give the order, kill him. Don’t be afraid. I will take the responsibility myself. Be brave and don’t hesitate!”

So the servants followed Absalom’s instructions and killed Amnon. All the rest of David’s sons mounted their mules and fled.

(II Samuel 13:1-29, GNB)

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An interactive discussion is the best way to explain sex to children:

Do young women usually realize when a man is after them?

No. They often like the attention and do not realize his motives.

From this passage, what should a girl look out for? What warning signs can she see in such a wicked guy?

He looks for ways to get alone with her. He only cares about her looks, not her goals in life or who she really is.

What could Tamar have done to not let this happen to her?

Never be alone with a guy (even her brother).

How did Amnon get the idea to trick Tamar so he could get what he wanted? What do you learn from this?

He had a friend named Jonadab. We should choose friends who love righteousness so they do not lead us down the wrong path.

How did this guy treat Tamar after he got what he wanted? Why?

He wanted her out of there because lust is selfish, not loving. Love gives. Lust takes.

Role play: Girls: a guy you trust tries to get you alone with him. What should you do?

Get out of there. There is no reason to be alone with him unless you are married.

You know someone who likes to flirt with you. Should you take that seriously and avoid that person or just play along?

Run from them. It only leads to trouble.

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Memorize it!

Proverbs 16:17 

The highway of the upright

is to depart from evil:

he that keepeth his way

preserveth his soul.

 Probably one of the best ways to talk to kids about sex is the highly recommended resource called “Passport to Purity.”

The Problem with “Parallel Culture”

Dad, you desperately need this devotional on talking about sex with children. At age eight, I saw a Playboy magazine. My friend had found it in the gutter. We opened it and fell into a gutter ourselves. I was shocked at what the “real world” was really like. I learned more information in that twenty minutes than a child can remember from a whole year of schooling.

What is parallel culture?

I was raised in a godly home, my parents were honest, godly people. We had real church. I loved the things of God, I had the Holy Ghost, and I loved my parents. Why did I get into this and not run from it? “Sin” is the easy answer. I found it easy to sin like this because of something larger at work: parallel culture.

Society has isolated people into social silos. Children feel they are in a separate group from adults. We have created it this way. Public schools have perfected a parallel culture among young people who function amidst, yet disconnected from, their surrounding environment. Children develop their own values and mindsets. While they have to respond to the controlling influence of the adults in their lives, they learn to think and act differently.

As soon as adults are out of earshot, parallelized children will be themselves. They know what not to talk about when adults are around. What is odd is how children will get vulgar talking about sexuality when adults are not around. Likewise, men get vulgar talking about these kinds of things when women and children are not around. And women, not to be outdone, will talk about reproductive issues with other women as long as the men and children are not around. Seems like we have a sick society, which is desperate to get in the gutter.

Parallel culture will talk to your child about sex

My parents never had to explain sex to me. My friends found it funny, and though most of us really knew nothing we educated each other. The kid who found the dirty magazine would tell us of the stuff he, his sister, and his cousin would do. He told us what he saw his aunt and uncle and mom and dad doing in the living room.

I developed this twisted view of women. I thought they wanted to be like those girls in the magazines. While adults were enjoying blessed fellowship at church, I was in a side room pulling off a little girl’s underwear. Good church kids have the same evil passions of the children they hang around with.

Later, I wasn’t even ten yet, and I was undressing with another girl from the church. So much for her parents’ dramatic testimonies of God saving them from a life of sin. We were creating our own paths of shame while they visited downstairs. Thank God He spared me from actual fornication, but the doors I opened were just as bad.

Other preacher’s kids taught me more than I ever wanted to know about sex. I got around innocent children and shared what I knew and tried to get them to do despicable things. Boys would dare each other to pull down their pants. What a sad, sick culture—a parallel culture where anything was okay as long as you did not get caught. There is more wrong with this kind of culture than what can be fixed by a devotional.

How not to talk to your child about sex

Twelve-year-olds who only talk to twelve-year-olds are not properly socialized. For your children to listen to you and follow you, you need to win their hearts. They do not just need information about sex. That will destroy them, because when your back is turned they will try it. They need to learn to hate sexual sin from someone they love who hates it as well. The odds of them finding another child their age to teach them the right response is virtually none.

Many parents hope to put their kids around the right kind of kids who will influence them correctly. That is a broken concept. It will not work like that. I was a preacher’s kid who knew the right path and led several down the wrong path. I loved sin as much as the next person.

Sending your kids to a “good church program” and teens to a “good youth group” is as effective for child development as training a guard dog at a puppy farm would be. Dogs do not train dogs. Instructors train dogs. Children do not train up another child in the way he should go any more than eggs hatch eggs. God put you in their lives to influence them correctly, stop outsourcing your child’s development to someone who has no vested interest in them.

A devotional on talking about sex with children

You need to talk to them. More than that, they need to see your values in action. Do you visit websites with scantily-clad women? Do you page through Victoria Secret catalogs? Do you play movies with lots of skin and passion-filled scenes? If so, you have already spoken volumes.

Hollywood teaches that sexuality is 90% of life. They put innuendos in kids’ videos. Sex isn’t even 1%. Perhaps you need to learn this first, before you talk to them. You don’t need an Olympic-sized sex life to be happily married. In fact, sex is not a need at all—it is a privilege, an expression of love between contented spouses.

One of the best ways to talk to children about sexuality is to read through the whole Bible. There you have the right thing and the wrong things presented with consequences. Rather than the whole awkward thing of “We are going to have the big talk” going on, you can let the Bible force them to ask questions or at least prompt you to clarify what you are reading.

The following stories make great devotional moments for you to talk with your kids about sexuality. Somebody probably already has, but you need to teach them correctly. Next time, I will share the one factor that kept me from becoming a sex offender or on the records at juvenile hall.

_________

Read this devotional story to talk about sex with your children:

A Wrong Thing at the Wrong Time

Last time, Rusty opened a present he should not have peeked at, while at Grandma and Grandpa’s.

Rusty was sure Grandma would figure out what he had done, but she did not seem to notice. After his family left for home, a knot of worry tore at his stomach. He knew he was in big trouble about the helicopter, but he did not know what to say.

That night, they went to the skating rink. Rusty quickly forgot his worries when he saw his friends from church. Rusty and Misty’s church had rented the skating rink for the night, and they could not wait to strap on their roller blades.

The lights sparkled and the Christian music invited all the kids out onto the big oval floor. Shoshanna ran up to Misty and grabbed her by the hand as they raced onto the rink. Rusty caught up with Carter soon after he got onto the shiny wood floor. They both raced as fast as they could, leaving Carter’s little brother Skylar behind.

Rusty said, “Can you skate backwards?”

Carter shrugged, “Never tried.”

Rusty spun around and started skating backwards, looking over his shoulder.

Carter watched him for a minute. “It doesn’t look hard,” he said.

“Try it,” Rusty said.

Carter slowed way down and got up against the wall, where Skylar was tripping and hanging on, trying to learn how to skate.

“Push off from the wall,” Rusty said.

Carter did and rolled backwards. He put his arms out, trying to steady himself.

“Now push one foot, then the other,” Rusty explained.

“I can’t. I can’t pick up my foot,” Carter said lunging up and down.

“Then just push to one side.”

Carter tried and then shook his head. “I can’t do it. Let’s just roll forward.”

“Are those your skates?” Rusty asked.

“Naw, I rented them.”

“It will help when you get your own. Then you can practice at home.”

Rusty and Carter were just joining back in with the rest of the skaters when a girl came up beside Rusty. “I’m Georgiana,” she said.

Rusty looked at her in surprise, “Oh, hi,” he said.

“I think you are cute,” she said, and zoomed away.

Rusty looked at Carter who was laughing at him. Rusty’s faced turned red as he watched Georgiana skate ahead of them in her bright pink shorts and sleeveless shirt.

Rusty slowed down and got off the rink. Carter kept skating. Rusty looked around for his mom and dad. They were talking with other adults. Rusty rolled over to Dad.

“Well, you are back soon, son,” Dad said. “Forget something?”

Rusty shrugged. “Just seeing what you were up to.”

“Just talking, son. I’ll be out there before too long.”

“Okay.” Rusty looked around and saw Misty skating with Shoshanna. They were both laughing and having fun. That Georgiana girl skated right past them.

“I wonder who she came with,” Rusty muttered out loud. She was kind of cute herself.

Rusty headed back onto the skating floor as a slow song came on. He thought he’d heard this one somewhere before. While he was trying to remember where he’d heard it, he felt a small hand slip into his. He jumped and looked behind him. There was Georgiana.

She laughed and said, “I scared you.”

“What are you doing?” he said, pulling his hand away.

“I thought you might want to skate this slow song together.” She reached for his hand again.

“No,” Rusty said, speeding up.

“Don’t you like me?” she asked, catching back up.

Rusty shrugged. “I just don’t know you.” He caught up to where Carter was skating. Georgiana sped away.

Misty skated up to him and asked, “What did she want?”

“Do you know who she is?”

“A friend of Shoshanna’s, but they don’t get along too well. Shoshanna’s mom brought her.”

“Oh.”

Georgiana came by again. When Rusty looked at her, she winked at him.

He looked at Carter and said, “What is her problem?”

Carter shrugged. “She likes you.”

“I noticed.” Rusty sighed, “I don’t want to spend the whole night worrying about her. Let’s race.”

Rusty and Carter sprinted forward. Carter looked over his shoulder. “Here she comes again.”

“Let’s lose her,” Rusty said. They broke into a dead heat to leave her behind.

As they went around the curve, she cut in on the inside. She tossed her hair around as she looked at Rusty and made a kissy face.

Rusty slowed down. “I want to get out of here.” He turned to look at Carter and saw Dad coming his way.

“Hey, buddy. Why so slow? You aren’t worn out yet, are you?”

“No way!” Rusty said, finding renewed strength. Georgiana stayed away for the rest of the time Dad was on the rink. Rusty got to relax and have fun just skating.

When Dad took a bathroom break, Rusty decided to rest, as well. Rusty went over to the water fountain. After getting a long cold drink, he looked up to see Georgiana standing there.

“Hi,” she said with a pretty smile. “Will you go out with me?”

“No. I don’t even know you.”

“Well, that’s how we could get to know each other. Really get to know each other, y’know?”

Rusty shook his head and started back toward the rink.

“Don’t you like me?” she pled.

He did not turn around. He saw Mom talking to a friend, Shoshanna’s mom. He rolled over to their table and sat down.

“Hey, Rusty,” Mom said. “Are you worn out?”

“Naw, just resting,” he said.

“Have you met Shoshanna’s friend?” Mom asked.

He nodded.

“Be nice to her, she might start coming to church.”

Rusty sighed and glanced out at the rink. “Okay,” he said.

“Well, we are busy talking right now,” Mom told him, “go back and join your friends.”

Rusty saw Carter looking for him.

“Ready?” Carter asked.

“Yup.”

Rusty was skating for a while before Dad came back out. Every time Georgiana went by, Rusty looked away. He could tell she was still trying to get his attention. When Dad was back, Rusty relaxed, hoping she would leave him alone.

Rusty saw Georgiana skating next to Shoshanna and Misty. She was talking with her hands on her hips and scowling. Finally, she raced away from them in a huff.

Rusty sighed. He was not sure what he had done to get into this. She came flying by, looked at him and stuck out her tongue. Rusty looked up at his Dad who was frowning at him. They both slowed down.

“What is going on with her?” Dad asked.

“She says she likes me and wants to go out with me.”

Dad motioned for them to go sit down at an empty table. At the table, Dad asked, “What did you tell her?”

“That I hardly know her. I don’t know what to say. I want to be nice to her, but I don’t want to hold her hand or anything.”

“Hmm.” Dad’s forehead wrinkled.

Misty came up and sat down beside Rusty. “You know, she really likes you.”

“Puh-lease!” Rusty said.

Dad asked. “Do you think she is the type of girl you would want to marry?”

“Dad, I’m am not even thinking about getting married yet. That’s still a bazillion years away!”

“Then don’t worry about her or any girls right now. When the time comes, you want to find a girl that would be a godly mother for your children. Do you think ‘cute’ is all she needs to be?”

Rusty made a gagging noise. “No!”

Dad turned toward Misty.

“Don’t look at me!” She said, “I don’t want a boyfriend ever!”

Dad laughed. “Why don’t you guys get back out there, have some fun, and don’t let her ruin it for you. She does not know better. Just be kind, but firm.”

Rusty and Misty got back up to join their friends for a few more laps around the rink.

Georgiana came up to Rusty right away. “If you don’t go out with me, I’m gonna kill myself.”

Misty came over and said, “You need to stop this. He does not have to be your boyfriend. Why can’t you just be a friend? You don’t even know him.”

Georgiana zipped off and left the floor. Shoshanna went over to her mom. Rusty tried to ignore the whole drama. Carter helped distract him with another challenge to a race.

When the skating party had ended Rusty and Misty said goodbye to all their friends. They were standing outside in the parking lot. Georgiana came out of the building and ran past Rusty shouting, “I hate you!”

Rusty looked at Mom who raised her eyebrows.

“I’ll explain,” Dad said. “Let’s all get in.”

•       •       •

 A week later, the whole family was in the minivan again.

“Where are we going today?” Misty asked.

“We need to run out to Grandpa and Grandma’s,” Mom explained.

“Oh yeah,” Misty said with a smile, “they have that surprise.”

Dad glanced in the mirror and Misty shut her mouth.

Rusty wanted to ask what the surprise was, but he already knew. It was the gift he had gotten into and broken. Now he felt really sick and wanted to go back home.

“How am I going to tell them what I did?” Rusty wondered.

______

Now discuss it! Help your kids learn the right view on sex.

Do you think Rusty is to blame for how that girl felt?

No. She is trying to guilt him into giving in to her.

To be nice to her, should he just say “Yes” and be her boyfriend so she will keep coming to church?

No. It is not his responsibility to get her in the church.

Have you ever had to deal with a boy or girl who was trying to “catch” you? What did you do?

Discuss assertive, loving approaches to resisting the advances of others.

What are some problems of boy-girl relationships when you are too young?

Getting into trouble. Becoming emotionally involved with someone who could pull you away from God or your family. Committing sexual sin before marriage.

When is the right time for you to be interested in the opposite sex?

Encourage them to see adulthood as the healthy time to pursue their lifetime mate. They need to know that right now they could make emotional bonds with someone they do not have the wisdom to realize is dangerous for them.

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Read God’s Word together:

Proverbs Seven

From a window in my house I looked through my screen. I was looking at gullible people when I saw a young man without much sense among youths. He was crossing a street near her corner and walking toward her house in the twilight, in the evening, in the dark hours of the night.

A woman with an ulterior motive meets him. She is dressed as a prostitute. She is loud and rebellious. Her feet will not stay at home. One moment she is out on the street, the next she is at the curb, on the prowl at every corner.

She grabs him and kisses him and brazenly says to him, “I have some sacrificial meat. Today I kept my vows. That’s why I came to meet you. Eagerly, I looked for you, and I’ve found you.

“I’ve made my bed, with colored sheets of Egyptian linen. I’ve sprinkled my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let’s drink our fill of love until morning. Let’s enjoy making love, because my husband’s not home. He has gone on a long trip. He took lots of money with him. He won’t be home for a couple of weeks.”

With all her seductive charms, she persuades him. With her smooth lips, she makes him give in. He immediately follows her like a steer on its way to be slaughtered, like a ram hobbling into captivity until an arrow pierces his heart, like a bird darting into a trap. He does not realize that it will cost him his life.

Now, sons, listen to me. Pay attention to the words from my mouth. Do not let your heart be turned to her ways. Do not wander onto her paths, because she has brought down many victims, and she has killed all too many. Her home is the way to hell and leads to the darkest vaults of death.

(Proverbs 7:6-27, God’s Word)

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Suggested discussion:

Do young men usually realize when a woman is after them?

No. They often like the attention and do not realize her motives.

From this passage, what should a guy look out for? What warning signs can he see in such a wicked woman?

She wears seductive clothes. She likes the darkness. She makes sin sound fun. She makes him think it is okay.

What is the purpose of wisdom, according to Proverbs 2:16?

To rescue a young man from a flattering woman.

How does a trouble-making girl seem at first, according Proverbs 5:3-4? What is she really like?

Starts out sweet, but then will kill your soul.

Role play: For the girls: A guy is after you and wants to kiss you. What will you do?

For the boys: A girl is after you and wants to kiss you. What will you do?

Someone just started attending church but does not know the Lord very well. Should you become romantically involved with such a person?

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Memorize it!

Proverbs 5:3-4

For the lips of a strange woman

drop as an honeycomb,

and her mouth is smoother than oil:

But her end is bitter as wormwood,

sharp as a twoedged sword.

Get more detail in the next devotional on talking to children about sex.

Abstinence is the wrong message

In my teen years, the big thing was “True love waits.” Unfortunately, this could become a message of the Law, not grace. It could be just another rule young people will break. Rules and law cannot save us from sin; they just prompt us to be more creative in our sinning.

Training children to be sexually pure

The right way to teach a child about how to keep themselves from sexual sin is similar to how a person should housebreak a dog. Most people do both wrong. Think about dogs for minute. Mommy and daddy bring home little Bobo and think he’s so cuuuuute. They put him in the bathroom and put down newspaper all over their tile floor. The next morning they come in, the dog has done his business in front of the bathroom door, which just smeared the mess everywhere when they opened it. Oh well, they think, at least he went on the newspaper.

Later that day, Bobo feels the urge to relieve himself in the living room. Mommy sees him and yells, “No! No! No! Don’t go there!” And then she throws him in the bathroom, on the newspaper. After a few weeks of this reckless behavior and a little violence of slapping down and throwing the dog into the paper potty parlor, he begins to get the idea to only do his business on newsprint (after all, it fits right in with everything else in the news). They get him down to one sheet of newspaper, eventually move the potty paper outside, and then scream and kick whenever he messes inside. By about 12 months of age, he is finally accident free, although a little emotionally disturbed.

Imagine if your children were as sexually well-behaved as that dog Bobo. You would be parenting more grandkids than you would care to. There is a better way.

The right way to train sexual purity in children

Correctly teaching children to control their hormones is much like the proper way to potty train a dog. You keep your dog housebroken because he was born that way. Just as children are not sexually active when they are born, so also a dog is born with a desire to keep a clean nest. So, use the dog’s good sense to your own advantage.

First, pick a spot where you want the dog to go to the bathroom. It needs to be out behind the garage or somewhere you will not be walking or wanting to entertain guests. When you bring the dog home, take him to this spot and let him sniff around to get used to it. Then, put him in a small cage such as a pet carrier. Keep him in there for a couple hours and then take him back out to use the bathroom in the spot you selected. Stand around for a few minutes until he goes. Let him play around for a little while, get some food and water, then lock him back up in his “nest.” Leave him in this travel carrier or other close space for a couple weeks, only letting him play and enjoy your company when he goes to the bathroom in the desired spot.

Once the dog learns where to go, rather than where not to go, he will never use the bathroom in your house, your garage, or your driveway. Now, he is not housebroken, he is civilized. My dogs never go to the bathroom where I see it; they have learned to keep their business far from human traffic. Now, that is all good advice for dogs, but what does it have to do with your daughters keeping their virginity and your sons from paying child support?

Train your children for the right one

Rather than scaring kids away from sex, train them to know the right place and time. One mother lied to her daughters that if they slept with any guy they would get pregnant. This created a trust issue when their Sunday School teacher told them that no, you did not get pregnant every time. Once they knew Mom had lied to them, how could they trust her? Forceful, controlling methods to protect our children will only backfire.

Rather than harp on abstinence or say, “Boys, keep your pants up,” I have worked to prepare my children to look for the right person. There is one person you will share yourself with for life. Do not waste God’s special gift on the wrong person. A point in this devotional for kids about sexual purity is considering the end before you begin.

Dating is as good as doggie doo on newspaper

If we let our daughters get “boyfriends” at 8, 10, 13, and 15, we prepare them for fornication. They do not need to become romantically involved until they are mature enough to raise children. Young rams and young bulls get in the mood for breeding long before they are mature enough. A good farmer keeps them out of the herd until they have matured more so he does not lose profits on miscarriages and sickly newborns. Similarly, our young people need to know that Jesus is stronger than their hormones.

Training them by saying, “I saw you holding hands with that girl! Don’t you dare do that again,” or like one mother I know who eavesdropped on her teen daughter’s phone conversations and yelled, “You kissed that boy? You are too young for that, I am going to bust your hide!” Hmm, big surprise her daughter got pregnant before she graduated from high school and is living with another boyfriend now. That’s about as good as smacking a dog with a rolled up newspaper because he pottied on the carpet.

Like proper housebreaking of a dog, this is about training them the right thing to do at the right place and time. Not about threatening, yelling, and intimidating them to stop getting into trouble.

Help your young person find the right person

Finding the right person for each child is a team effort in our home. Even my four-year-old is keen on the fact that she is going to have a life partner and we are already having discussions about what she should look for, because she brought it up. My wife and I believed in courting/betrothal before it became popular. Dating is practice for divorce because two people only stay together until they fight or until someone better comes along; then they break up. Courtship begins when your mature young adult finds someone compatible, who shares a common purpose and values.

I am so grateful God allowed my wife and me to marry each other without either of us having been sexually involved with anyone else. You can raise children with the same testimony. Do not run from this important discussion.

Next time, a devotional on talking to children about sex. Through these next three stories, you will find what is probably the best way to explain sex to children.

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The following story for kids leads into a discussion on sexual purity that will pick up next time:

A Good Thing at the Wrong Time

“How soon will we be at Grandma and Grandpa’s?” Misty asked.

“See the little white house up the street?” Dad asked. He glanced back to see Misty nod in the backseat and said, “That is it!”

“Yipee!” she shouted.

“Not so loud in the car please,” Mom said.

“Why are you so excited?” Rusty said.

“Because I get to pet their horses. I really want to see Bucky. He had just been born last time we were here.”

“Rusty,” Mom said, “you are going to have to stay inside with that sunburn.”

“I know. I don’t want any more blisters anyway.”

They pulled into the driveway and parked. Grandpa came out to greet them as they all piled out. Misty ran up and hugged her grandfather. While Mom and Dad stood around talking with him, Rusty slipped inside, out of the sun. Grandma was in the kitchen hanging up a dish towel.

“Well, boy, how are you?” she asked.

“Pretty good.”

“You ready to go see the new colt? He is growing fast.”

“I’ll see him through the window. I can’t go outside until my sunburn heals up.”

“Oh my,” she said, looking at his ears and neck. “That does look miserable. Here,” she said, walking over to a big, spikey plant, “this is aloe vera.” She snapped off one of the fat, squishy spikes. She cut it open with a small knife and scraped the gel inside onto a little plate. “This will help your skin heal quickly.” Dabbing her fingers in it, she smeared the green slime on his ears, neck, and arms.

“It feels cold,” Rusty said; he relaxed a little when he found out that it did not hurt.

“It will dry up quickly,” Grandma said, “but you will be surprised at how quickly it heals now. I’m going to go out with them to the barn. There are books on the shelf in the sitting room if you like.”

“Okay, thanks,” Rusty said.

The screen door slammed behind Grandma as she headed out to join the others at the barn.

Rusty walked over to the bookshelf and looked at the books. Most of them were kiddie books he did not feel like reading again. “I want to play a game,” he muttered to himself. He walked over to the closet where the games were stored and slid back the bi-fold door. The game he wanted was up too high for him to reach. Rusty looked around in the bottom of the closet for something to stand on. Maybe a chair, or…

Rusty spotted something interesting. Underneath a blanket sat a box, all wrapped in wrapping paper. The paper said “Happy Birthday!” all over it. On top was a label that said his name. “My birthday present? That is early,” Rusty said. “My birthday is not for a couple weeks.”

He went to the window and looked outside. The others were still talking and walking toward the barn. “I wonder what they got me,” he muttered. Rusty knew they would be out there a while. He walked back over and looked at the box wrapped with shiny paper. He picked it up and tried to feel it. It felt like just a box. He shook it, but nothing seemed to make noise inside.

Rusty sat down with the box between his legs and pulled back the tape on one end. The tape let go easily without ripping the paper. He unfolded that end and peeked inside. His heart skipped a beat. He never thought he would see this inside—it was a remote control helicopter. “I have always wanted one of these,” he said, a little too loudly.

He stood up and looked out the window. They were all in the barn now. Kneeling back down, he slid the box out of the wrapping paper and looked at the picture on the front. “Wow,” he said. The box was easy to open. Inside, he found the white, police-looking helicopter. He pried it out of the protective foam and slid it out of its plastic bag. He turned a switch and the lights came on. Next, he pulled the controller out of the foam. He inserted the batteries and pushed the “up” lever.

The helicopter whirred to life. It lifted off the floor and headed toward the ceiling. Rusty pushed the other lever on the controller to turn the copter. It banked to the right and smacked into the wall. It fell to the floor and Rusty went over and set it up right again.

Trying to figure out how everything worked, he pushed the up lever more slowly this time. Rusty was grinning from ear to ear as the helicopter floated up again, flashing lights of many different colors. Once it got up to the right height, he banked it to the left, to fly around the room. It started toward the wall again. Pushing the lever to the right, he sent it back the other direction. Suddenly it was heading toward the ceiling fan. Crash! It hit the fan blades and lights, bouncing around between them for a couple seconds before it dropped to the floor.

Rusty sighed and picked it up. One of the wings was bent and another had a chunk missing out of it. He tried to straighten the bent wing and set it on the floor. Pushing the control made the blades speed up, but then it went crazy. Its wings started flapping against each other as it hopped off the ground and spun in circles. He could not steer it.

Rusty looked up and saw Grandma coming back from the barn. He grabbed the helicopter, stuck it back in its wrapper and put it in the foam it came in. He stuck the controller back in and closed the box. He slid the box back into the wrapping paper, which was not easy. He folded the end of the paper back down and taped it shut. He had just put the gift back under the blanket and closed the closet door when Grandma came in the house.

Rusty’s face was pale.

“Are you okay, boy?” Grandma asked.

Rusty shrugged, trying not to choke on the lump in his throat. He wished, wished, wished that he just had not opened the box.

“Is your sunburn feeling better?”

Rusty nodded.

Grandma glanced up at the ceiling fan. “Now how did that get tangled?” she muttered while unwrapping the pull chain from the light.

Rusty walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out a picture book to look at.

_______

Now discuss this devotional for children about sexual purity!

Why do you think Rusty opened his present before it was time?

Would you peek on your present if you had been Rusty?

How do you think he felt after he broke the toy?

What do you think his birthday will be like? Do you think he will enjoy it?

Have you ever done something like this?

What are some things that are good for us, but we have to wait for the right time to enjoy them?

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Read a story from God’s Word about sexual purity:

Taking a Bathsheba

The following spring, at the time of the year when kings usually go to war, David sent out Joab with his officers and the Israelite army; they defeated the Ammonites and besieged the city of Rabbah. But David himself stayed in Jerusalem. One day, late in the afternoon, David got up from his nap and went to the palace roof. As he walked around up there, he saw a woman taking a bath in her house. She was very beautiful. So he sent a messenger to find out who she was, and learned that she was Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite.

David sent messengers to get her; they brought her to him and he made love to her. (She had just finished her monthly ritual of purification.) Then she went back home. Afterward she discovered that she was pregnant and sent a message to David to tell him.

David then sent a message to Joab: “Send me Uriah the Hittite.” So Joab sent him to David. When Uriah arrived, David asked him if Joab and the troops were well, and how the fighting was going. Then he said to Uriah, “Go on home and rest a while.” Uriah left, and David had a present sent to his home. But Uriah did not go home; instead he slept at the palace gate with the king’s guards.

When David heard that Uriah had not gone home, he asked him, “You have just returned after a long absence; why didn’t you go home?”

Uriah answered, “The men of Israel and Judah are away in battle, and the Covenant Box is with them; my commander Joab and his officers are camping out in the open. How could I go home, eat and drink, and sleep with my wife? By all that’s sacred, I swear that I could never do such a thing!”

So David said, “Then stay here the rest of the day, and tomorrow I’ll send you back.”

So Uriah stayed in Jerusalem that day and the next. David invited him to supper and got him drunk. But again that night Uriah did not go home; instead he slept on his blanket in the palace guardroom.

The next morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it by Uriah. He wrote: “Put Uriah in the front line, where the fighting is heaviest, then retreat and let him be killed.”

So while Joab was besieging the city, he sent Uriah to a place where he knew the enemy was strong. The enemy troops came out of the city and fought Joab’s forces; some of David’s officers were killed, and so was Uriah.

Then Joab sent a report to David telling him about the battle, and he instructed the messenger, “After you have told the king all about the battle, he may get angry and ask you, ‘Why did you go so near the city to fight them? Didn’t you realize that they would shoot arrows from the walls? Don’t you remember how Abimelech son of Gideon was killed? It was at Thebez, where a woman threw a millstone down from the wall and killed him. Why, then, did you go so near the wall?’ If the king asks you this, tell him, ‘Your officer Uriah was also killed.’”

So the messenger went to David and told him what Joab had commanded him to say. He said, “Our enemies were stronger than we were and came out of the city to fight us in the open, but we drove them back to the city gate. Then they shot arrows at us from the wall, and some of Your Majesty’s officers were killed; your officer Uriah was also killed.”

David said to the messenger, “Encourage Joab and tell him not to be upset, since you never can tell who will die in battle. Tell him to launch a stronger attack on the city and capture it.”

When Bathsheba heard that her husband had been killed, she mourned for him. When the time of mourning was over, David had her brought to the palace; she became his wife and bore him a son. But the LORD was not pleased with what David had done.

The LORD sent the prophet Nathan to David. Nathan went to him and said, “There were two men who lived in the same town; one was rich and the other poor. The rich man had many cattle and sheep, while the poor man had only one lamb, which he had bought. He took care of it, and it grew up in his home with his children. He would feed it some of his own food, let it drink from his cup, and hold it in his lap. The lamb was like a daughter to him. One day a visitor arrived at the rich man’s home. The rich man didn’t want to kill one of his own animals to fix a meal for him; instead, he took the poor man’s lamb and prepared a meal for his guest.”

David became very angry at the rich man and said, “I swear by the living LORD that the man who did this ought to die! For having done such a cruel thing, he must pay back four times as much as he took.”

“You are that man,” Nathan said to David. “And this is what the LORD God of Israel says: ‘I made you king of Israel and rescued you from Saul. I gave you his kingdom and his wives; I made you king over Israel and Judah. If this had not been enough, I would have given you twice as much. Why, then, have you disobeyed my commands? Why did you do this evil thing? You had Uriah killed in battle; you let the Ammonites kill him, and then you took his wife! Now, in every generation some of your descendants will die a violent death because you have disobeyed me and have taken Uriah’s wife. I swear to you that I will cause someone from your own family to bring trouble on you. You will see it when I take your wives from you and give them to another man; and he will have intercourse with them in broad daylight. You sinned in secret, but I will make this happen in broad daylight for all Israel to see.’ ”

“I have sinned against the LORD,” David said. Nathan replied, “The LORD forgives you; you will not die. But because you have shown such contempt for the LORD in doing this, your child will die.”

(II Samuel 11:1-27; 12:1-14, GNB)

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Suggested discussion for finishing this devotional about sexual purity for children:

What was the first thing David did wrong?

Looked at a naked woman. Perhaps you could say he should have been doing his job instead of just sitting around, too.

What could Bathsheba have done differently?

Bathed where no one could have seen her.

Did they get away with their sin happily? What happened because they did the wrong thing?

Some warriors died. David’s sons would commit sins like his. Their child would die.

How is the story of David committing adultery with Bathsheba like the story of Rusty opening a present he should not have touched?

He looked at something that was not his to touch. His bad choice created a lot of guilt and trouble that the few moments of fun were not worth.

What are some temptations you have to avoid?

Role play: You are riding in the vehicle and pull up next to a car with video playing. Should you look over there to see what it is? What if it is a video of people without their clothes on? Will you look?

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Memorize it!

Proverbs 6:27-29

Can a man take fire in his bosom,

and his clothes not be burned?

Can one go upon hot coals,

and his feet not be burned?

So he that goeth in to his neighbour’s wife;

whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent.

Thanksgiving among Unequals

Do you raise your kids as “even Stevens”? God does not. He let His Stephen become Christianity’s first martyr. Stephen’s equals did not die, however. Philip, for example, preached just like Stephen and instead of being killed, he saw all of Samaria turn to Christ.

Thanksgiving is about inequality
You have young and old around the table. You have brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, parents and grandparents who all have a unique story to tell. Some are still struggling financially. Others funded the meal. We can all start out equally with the same parents and living situation, but turn out radically different from one another.
The first Thanksgiving introduced us to the beauty of inequality as well. You had experienced Native Americans, who knew how to hunt, farm, and fish in America, contrasted with the English settlers who were having to learn a new set of survival skills. Thanksgiving began as a celebration of bounty, but also as a celebration of distinction.

Raise your children as individuals
When you raise kids to expect to have the same as their brothers or sisters, they will never be happy. Kids raised as equals often become whiny and always demand to be treated fairly. God is not fair. He might give my brother a brand new pair of shoes but leave me to buy mine. Just because my brother in the Lord gets to drive an Escalade does not mean I should get one.
I raise my children very unequally. I might let one child spend the day with a family and keep another at home. I might spend $75 on one child and make another earn the money to buy a similar item. I buy shoes for my kids when they need them—I do not buy everyone shoes just because I bought a pair for one of them. I want my children to be distinct individuals. They may not understand all my reasons why, but I have thought and prayed through my decisions and know my role in helping shape each one of them away from their sinful inclinations into becoming a strong tree planted by the rivers or living water.

Learn contentment in inequality
My wife feeds our family according to our blood types and genotypes. This means one person’s thanksgiving meal is different than another. One child can eat venison while another cannot. One can eat sweet potato while another eats squash. Fortunately, we can all eat turkey and cranberries (what would Thanksgiving be without that?). Not only has this discipline helped our family’s health, but it has also taught us contentment with our God-given distinctions. Our children have learned to enjoy some of the privileges and challenges of being unique from their siblings.
Only contented people can say thank you. The life’s-not-fair kinds of people are never happy. They really do not want equal treatment but preferential. Pray and ask God how you can help shape distinct individuals out of the children you are raising. Raise your boys distinct from the girls. What should be different about your 8-year-old from the 3-year-old’s life purpose?

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Speaking of unequals, no website has as much quality family resources as Vision Forum. Get real boy toys and great girl stuff, too. Do your Christmas shopping for everyone right here and you will build a family that honors the Lord.

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Read this story with your children

Giving Thanksgiving Thanks Giving

“Do we have to work in the kitchen again?” Misty asked. “We spent all day yesterday in the kitchen.”

Mom stretched and nodded. “I’m just as worn out as you honey, but we have to finish a couple pies and some sauce before the company gets here.”

“Is the turkey done yet?”

“Just about, hon. It should be nice and tender when dinner times arrives in a few hours.”

Misty put on her apron and tied it around her waist. “I need a new apron. I think this one is too small.”

“Hmm,” Mom said. “I didn’t know this was Complaint Giving Day.”

“Huh?”

“I thought today was Thanksgiving Day.”

“Oh,” Misty said.

“So,” Mom said, while taking some pans out of the cabinet, “let’s find things to be thankful about.”

Misty worked alongside Mom for a while in silence. Finally, she said, “I’m glad the family is coming here this year. It’s better than the time we went to—”

“Misty!” Mom said. “You will have to do better than complaining about something else to be thankful.”

Just then, Rusty walked in the kitchen. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Misty’s face lit up and she said, “Now there’s something I can be thankful for!”

Mom opened the cupboard and took down the jar of popcorn. “Here, Rusty, set these around the table. I want five kernels at each plate.”

Rusty took the jar and frowned. “Five at each plate?”

“Yes. Count out five kernels of corn and set them at the top left of each plate.”

He raised his eyebrows and said, “Okay.”

After he went out to count out the kernels, Misty asked, “What’s that for?”

“You’ll see,” Mom said.

Misty inhaled the aroma of the cooking turkey and focused on making the pie crust the way Mom had taught her.

*       *       *

When the whole family had finally stopped hugging, talking, story telling, joking, and laughing, Dad convinced them all to sit around the table so Grandpa could give thanks for the food.

Grandpa cleared his throat and said, “Before I pray, I want to tell a story.”

Misty sat up. She liked Grandpa’s stories.

“Have you all heard about the first Thanksgiving?”

Rusty and Misty and their cousins nodded.

“Do you know what they ate?”

“Deer meat!” Misty said.

“Yes, the Indians brought venison to make sure there was enough food for the feast,” Rusty added.

“Yes,” Grandpa said. “They also had fish. They had a lot of seafood because they lived near the ocean. Do you know want other kinds of food they had?”

“Corn,” one of the cousins said.

“Yes,” Grandpa said, “they grew corn with the help of the Indians. One man, named Squanto, taught them how to plant and grow crops here in the new world.”
“I read that they put fish guts in the hole everywhere they planted corn,” Rusty said.

“Rusty,” Mom said quietly.

“No, he’s right,” Grandpa said with a smile. “But I want to know one thing. Who were they giving thanks to?”

“Each other?” a cousin said.

“Were the Indians thanking the Englishmen for bringing them guns? Were the English thanking the Indians for teaching them new hunting tricks and how to raise crops in a different environment?”

“Yes,” Misty said in a quiet voice, “and they gave thanks to God for all the good food.”

“That’s right,” Grandpa said with a grin. “And they were especially grateful to God for letting them all live through a tough winter. Many of the pilgrims had died from disease and the harsh Massachusetts winter. They had plenty to be thankful for that first harvest season.”

“But things were not always perfect for them,” Dad said.

“Nope,” Grandpa continued, “the next year they did not have a good crop. That winter they had to be very careful with the food they had so they did not run out. Everybody shared their corn and each person could eat only five kernels per day.”

“So that’s why we have five kernels of corn at our plates,” Rusty said.

“Yes,” Mom said, “and we are going to use them.” She set an empty jar in front of Grandpa.

Grandpa picked it up and said, “I want to pass this around so each of us can put in one kernel of corn each time we tell something we are thankful for. So, to start, let’s each say one thing we are thankful for, and then I will bless the food. Then, during the meal, each of us can put in our remaining four pieces of corn as we think of thankful things.”

“And whoever has the last piece of corn,” Mom said, “gets to do the dishes.”

Everyone laughed and pointed at each other trying to say who would be stuck with the clean up. Then Grandpa set the empty jar in front of Misty.

“There you go, dear. Why don’t you start for us?” he said.

Misty gulped and looked at the jar. Everyone stared at her. She began seeing a pile of dishes in the kitchen sink. “I-I can’t think of anything,” she stammered.

“Sure you can,” Grandpa said. “That first thanksgiving, every one of the English settlers had lost a mom or dad or child. They all had lost close family members, but they still found something to be thankful for. I know you can, too.”

Misty’s eyes brightened. “I’m thankful for all of my family and that we are together for this great meal!”

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Let’s discuss it!

Is it easier to complain or to be thankful?

If the first American immigrants were thankful to God for providing for their needs, how much more should we be today?

What ways can you show God you are thankful for what He has given you?

How can you show thankfulness to your parents, grandparents, and other family members?

Does it matter to God if we complain about things He has given us?

How does the Lord Jesus feel if we complain about people?

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Buy quality and old-fashioned value for your kids this Christmas

Read the scripture together with your family

Homecoming Feast

To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons.

“A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything.

“When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’

“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’

“But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.

“Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, and he asked one of the servants what was going on. ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’

“The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’

“His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”

(Luke 15:11-32, New Living Translation)

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Let’s talk about it as a family

Was the younger son (who asked for the money) a complainer or a thankful person?

Do you think he was grateful for how generous his father was?

How did life in a pig pen help his appreciation for his father’s house?

How do you know his father was a grateful person?

Did his dad complain about the boy wasting the money?

Was the older brother a grateful or complaining person, in this story?

What did he complain about?

What could he have been thankful for?

Role play: You are planning for a holiday trip with family when bad weather comes in and makes you stay home. How do you keep a grateful attitude in this situation?

What about when your hopes are dashed? For example, you are hoping to play a special game with family members or expecting a certain gift for Christmas and nothing works out the way you expected. How do you retain a grateful spirit? What can you be thankful for in situations like this?

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Memorize an attitude of gratitude

I Thessalonians 5:18

In every thing give thanks:

for this is the

will of God in Christ Jesus

concerning you.