I don’t have much to say right now, but what I do have to say is big!

As such, I’d like to thank the woman who has had the most influence on my life. Her name is mom. (Actually, Gladis.)

I have been a needy little thing all my life. Until about 12 years old, I was constantly sick. Now, I need a lot of support (both financial and emotional). Either way, my mother has never been angry at me for it. She has never made me feel like I was the one to blame. In addition to that, whenever I needed something she couldn’t give me, she would confront whoever could. Without going into too many details, the last feud was with her insurance provider over my depression medication.

I remember when my sister was in junior high, they tried to change my mother’s work schedule. She wouldn’t have been able to pick my sister up after school. My mother fought and fought until they agreed to keep her schedule the way it was. She lost some friends in her work place because of it, since they thought she thought she was special or something. She didn’t think that. She has also fought for others in her work place when they were being pushed around.

What’s amazing is that my mother never asked for any of it. Again, without going into too many details, she was pushed into marriage by my grandmother. While her parents were willfully ignorant and tried to keep her ignorant in terms of sex education, my mother has always talked to me about anything I needed to know. She always emphasizes that if I ever find myself in trouble, like, with a venereal disease or accidentally pregnant, she’ll rip my head off, but then she’ll do everything she can to help me through the situation. I’ve promised her that if anything horrible like that ever happens, I’ll let her know.

She also says that if I am, or anyone I know is, ever sexually assaulted, no matter what, it is not our fault, and before we do anything, we need to report it so that the rapist can be persecuted and so that no one else needs to go through that because of him. This is probably common sense stuff, but it is respectfully radical compared to what her parents told her.

My mother is a beautiful woman who cares about herself and her children. She is aware of bullshit and rejects it. I love her.

Sometimes I get made fun of now for my opinions. It’s a different kind of upsetting, but it reminds me of grade school. It’s like the further away you are from neutral on anything, the more likely it is you’ll end up a joke. Take a step in any direction, even an unimportant direction, and someone will find you weird and therefore, hilarious.

Now that I think about it, it’s kind of sad for the people who make fun of others. If you’re close enough to neutral to feel safe making fun of others, you are probably boring. Boring. God. How do these people live with themselves?

Then there’s the whole issue of bringing up something no one cares about. Imagine if someone next to you brought up that some kid’s shoes were ugly. The kid doesn’t care. Why the hell does the person next to you care? Tell them to find something else to worry about. There are problems all over the world. Tell them to pick a random place and start worrying about whatever is going on there. Or tell them to worry about themselves. They’re probably boring. Tell them to work on their personality. Most of all, regarding the kid’s shoes, tell them to get over it already.

Vlog #4! It’s about me going to Sante Fe Springs yesterday. It cost $30 and took 6 hours to get there and back, which is why I mention spending money out of nowhere. Also, it turned out to be unnecessary, but I’m not angry. I’d rather be out (and spending money) than staying home (and saving money). That’s really bad, huh?

It feels like I’ve been doing tons of things, so I’m stressed, but really, I’m just unorganized. If I were organized, it would feel like less work. So, I need to do something so I don’t fall behind on the stuff I need to get done. You know, all three tasks. I’m a wimp.

Otherwise, I’ve been good. I apologize for this craptacular post, but tomorrow is vlog day! I’ll be talking about my trip today to Sante Fe Springs. Um. Be here or be square?

I wonder what she was thinking at that moment. It feels like it would be safe to bet that she wasn’t thinking about improving society. It was a really smug happiness. Like she had won a game. That kind of happiness doesn’t come from helping people. Martin Luther King Jr. and Gandhi wouldn’t have bragged into a camera like that.

Same with the people who catch terrorist suspects. I know they’re not thinking, “All right, yes! We caught him! We’re going to restore all the good things this person is trying to ruin—democracy, human rights, justice! Yes!” because apparently, they’re torturing these people.

Who was the philosopher that said we do everything because there’s something in it for us? And even when there’s nothing concrete in it for us, we do it because it’ll make us feel good about ourselves?

Well, I don’t know. What do people think when they do a good deed? It makes me feel like a bad person to admit, but last time someone came to me for advice on going vegetarian, I wasn’t thinking, “Yay! We’re saving animals!” At least, that wasn’t the first thing I thought.

How much of the world is doing good things for the “I win!” feeling?

On Saturday, I got a really strong urge to help someone. I found Think Together, which is a non-profit organization that provides after-school programs for grades K-12. I love kids, and they serve my old grade school, so I signed up to volunteer.

Today, I went to a volunteer orientation. About 25 people showed up, which was way more than I expected. Throughout the presentation, Disneyland kept coming up. I was like what. But I just ignored it.

I found out eventually that Disneyland is having a promotion called Give a Day, Get a Disney Day. Which means that most of those people found out about the organization because Disneyland is giving them free tickets for four hours of volunteering! WHAT.

Needless to say, I am now signed up for that. (I’m becoming a regular volunteer afterward, though.)

The whole volunteer orientation was a big “Surprise, Diana! You’re going to Disneyland!” How exciting is that?

I found out I’m going to a volunteer orientation on Wednesday, so I decided to do a vlog today so I could focus my Wednesday energy on the orientation. (I’m gonna volunteer at my old grade school’s after-school program!)

Doing this vlog, seriously, it was like being back in gym class in 12th grade. Oh, and also, I mention Josh in this one, and also, Josh just did his first vlog, and it’s funny and awesome (DUH), so go see Josh’s, yes? YES.

I decided to eat the lentils with a tortilla. After I gobbled that up, I sat down, opened my Twitter client, and began a maybe… three-part, let’s say, tweet about how much I love buying name brand tortillas. My reasons being that 1.) They don’t stick to each other. 2.) They’re soft. 3.) They don’t rip when you fold them.

There I was, typing away about what I consider tortillas of quality when it occurred to me that yeah, 98% of your followers will not relate to this.

I never sent the tweet(s). It got me thinking. How often do I not send a tweet because I think no one will care? What does that make me? Some kind of personality instead of a person?

Usually, I try to change something that bothers me, but this curiously does not bother me. See, right now, I feel like I should apologize for blogging about something so ambivalent. As if I owe anyone an apology!

I normally use my blog for talking about me, and I visit other blogs for reading about others, but I am wondering something I should directly ask. Are there any things you tweet/blog (or don’t tweet/blog) because you feel it’s what people expect (or don’t expect) of you?

When I was in the 11th grade, I went from a “it’s better to turn in nothing than not to turn in your best” mentality to a “C- is better than nothing” mentality. This, without a doubt, shows in the vlog. P.S. Excuse the poor quality.