Diary 4 Life

When the time is right!

paulworswick — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 09:00:12 +0000

When is the time right? Is right now, this minute? In a few more minutes maybe, or has the right time already passed by? How will you know when the right time is? Perhaps you’ll get a letter; maybe a text message or an email. Okay, enough of this beating about the bush; the truth of the matter is you’ll know when the right time is because it will just happen, when it’s good and ready.

Each year we have the four seasons, which I’m sure you’re all aware of. Spring, starting on the 21st March each year, summer, starting on the 21st June each year, autumn, starting on the 21st September each year and winter, starting on the 21st December each year. I know they may vary slightly from year to year, depending on our solar system but you get the drift. They look fairly consistent to me, how about you. However, the physical events that occur within those season are somewhat less reliable in terms of consistency.

For instance, timing of the appearance of crocus’, daffodils and other spring plants and flowers tend to vary each year. This variation depends somewhat on the severity of the winter we’ve had. A particularly severe one means they’ll be a little later; a milder one provides us with an earlier display. It’s natures way of saying we’ll be here when we are good and ready; when the time is right! It’s a principle of nature, we can’t control it. Allowing it to happen in it’s own time is the thing to do; providing of course you’ve played your part. That is by caring for your plants and flowers and nurturing them during the previous years growth; through watering, feeding and pruning where necessary.

So when it comes to the changes you are implementing in your life; why should it be any different. After all, your part of nature too. The principle of nature I’ve mentioned can be applied to you own new growth. The personal development and personal growth you are encouraging with your new learning and training. Those new ideas you are working on, the new habits you are assimilating into your system; are you concerned they’re not happening as you expected? First of all, stop worrying about these changes not happening, they will happen when they are good and ready. When the time is right! Don’t forget it’s a principle of nature, we can’t control it. Allowing it to happen in it’s own time is the thing to do; providing of course you’ve played your part. That is by caring for and nurturing yourself during your earlier years of growth; through a healthy eating plan, regular exercise, regular sleeping patterns and continued learning.

Thank you for reading this post, please let me know what you think and share your experiences. While you’re here please take the time to sign up for the newsletter or alternatively you may prefer to subscribe for regular updates in your favourite reader or by email.

photo credit: sammydavisdog

It’s only skin deep

paulworswick — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 09:00:41 +0000

What’s only skin deep; why beauty of course or so I’m led to believe. To be quite honest, I do firmly believe it too! That is the external beauty, however true beauty is deep within the spirit and carries much more value.

Following on from previous posts; “love – what’s it all about“, “forgiveness” and “gratitude“; I feel inspired to write a post about beauty. Why is this? The only reason I can think, is that I must have been exposed to one of my pet hates about it’s treatment; either consciously or unconsciously.

So what is my pet hate? It’s the self opinionated and self righteous people who think they know so much about beauty and what it means to be beautiful; regardless of what other people think. They use their position of power or status to influence others for their own means. They abuse their position of trust.

You must look like this to be considered as beautiful
You must wear this style of clothing to be classed as . . .
You must use this make-up to be considered as . . .
You must wear these clothes to be consider . . .
etc.

You’ve probably heard these and many more. As a result of these tactics you see the vulnerable, young girls mainly, falling prey to the opinions of the advertisers. How does it make you feel when you hear about a young girl of 8 or 9 years old, with such a low self esteem she’s afraid to leave her house, without spending an hour or more in front of the mirror with her make-up pack. These young girls are led to believe they lack beauty without their make-up on.

I’ve not really got a problem with these tactics being used with people who are less vulnerable, to me it is all part of the society we live in. On the whole people can cope with the tactics and are in a position and strong enough to make a level headed decision. However there are people who are less fortunate.

So where do you look for beauty in yourself and others; appearance, dress sense or looks? Maybe you look beyond the exterior to the inner person. Beauty is more than looks, it’s their love, happiness and connection they make with others. We are all the same inside, however we are judged by our human body rather than the love and light we radiate. So who defines your beauty?

So if you are prepared to accept the above, how do you rid yourself of this false description of beauty?

Start by demonstrating unconditional love, find your true happiness and learn to forgive. Developing these skills will allow you to look beyond the physical being of yourself or the person you see in front of you and disregard their appearance. Find the spirit and feel the beauty it brings. Finding yours or another’s true beauty will be a very enlightening experience and open you up to a more loving lifestyle.

How much do you enjoy the beauty of a new day, a spring morning, your children or your spouse? I believe that one source of the recognition of beauty is from trust in the relationship. That beauty you see in situations and in others comes from a trust. As you begin to develop a trust in yourself, in turn learn to trust others as they begin to trust you; a realisation of each others beauty begins to appear.

What about when you receive a beautifully wrapped gift from your loved one, what are the thoughts you experience as you are given it. Whilst they may fleetingly linger on the beauty of the wrapping; you very quickly become eager to find out the contents of the present. What is the beauty within?

Take a look at Roald Dahl’s book, “The Twits”.

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look beautiful.” Roald Dahl

Go out today and look for your beautiful things; look beyond the exterior and into the soul of where you are looking. Give your self development a big boost, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

photo credit: foto.rajith

A place for everything and everything in its place

paulworswick — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 09:00:42 +0000

“A place for everything and everything in it’s place” is a phrase I first heard in the late 90s, I had been contracted to help an organisation design and develop a staff development programme for their workforce. The phrase was one they had adopted as a way of encouraging people to keep their workplace clean and tidy. I must say after it had been accepted, for the most, it proved to be effective and worked very well.

So I thought what a great thing to include in my personal life; a place for everything and everything in its place. A little clique to help me sort my life out.

Make space for the goals in your life by tidying up other things that are in the way. This seems fairly obvious, if for example, you want to learn a new skill to further your career; have you enough space in your life to allow that to take place. Perhaps you think you have, so you set off on your way towards achieving your goal. Then the inevitable happens; you have a conflict with something else, changes are made to accommodate the conflict, which seem okay at first but further down the line another conflict occurs, than another. Before long you have a failed goal; all because you deluded yourself into thinking you had enough room in your life for this new goal.

When you’re making decisions about starting new goals, honest assessments about your ability to achieve them are needed, truly honest. When making your assessments, you’ll have some tough decisions to make, about other things in your life. Some of which may have been there for a long time, whilst others not as long. How do you feel about having to possibly discard something that has been a part of your life for a number of years. You may have to reconsider how many times you visit your local pub, maybe from three nights to one night per week. Or having to cut down on your retail therapy. How serious are you about achieving your new goal(s)?

So how are you going to tidy your life up? The process is the same as you do with any other tidying up task(s), by put things away that aren’t being used. Making the place look tidy.

Using the example of learning a new skill; how will it fit in with all those other ‘urgent’ things you have to do. It’s time to take a check of the contents of your life; what have you got in there, what really needs to be there, what can you dispose of? Maybe you have one or two things you’re not using at the moment so they could be ‘put on hold’ or stored away until they are needed.

Perhaps there are somethings you’re still using but not everyday, tidy them away until you’re ready to use them. You may be just an untidy person and love to have things lying around; it’s now time to get your life sorted out and begin a new tidy regime. Surely you don’t need Kim and Aggie from “How clean is your house” to sort your life out; a little self coaching will soon get you on the road to a cleaner more organised lifestyle.

There are a number coaching tools available to help you clean your life up and dispose of those no longer required activities; the ones that no longer serve any purpose. Goal setting is one option to help move you towards your clean up, however I must stress it’s not the only option. Contacting a life coach, if your finances allow it, is another great option.

A previous post, Goal setting tools will give you some indication about the tools available to you.

photo credit: stevendepolo

Where are you up to?

paulworswick — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 13:31:38 +0000

Goal setting is something I’ve written about on more than one occasion on this blog; something that is flavour of the month at the moment and is likely to remain so for the foreseeable future. So there we have, goal setting, so you either work with it or kick it into touch without so much as a second thought. If you’re taking the later option, I ask you to read on with the off chance you may suddenly change your mind.

If you’re one of the first group, I congratulate you on taking what I think, is the better option. So on with the post! This post isn’t about goal setting or how to do it per se; it’s about the stage after that. You’ve set your goals and written them all down; when you’re going to start work on each one of them and when you expect to achieve them. So you set to work and you’re busy beavering away towards those successful outcomes.

You’re full of positivity and stacks of enthusiasm; everything you do seems to be working so well. The goal you set, for example, to raise your profile on Twitter is all you can see and you’re moving towards success. Before you get too carried away let’s ask a few questions.

How do you know where you’re up to with your goal?
How will you know when you’ve achieved your goal?
What is telling you you’re being successful?
What does your success look like?
etc.

All fairly straight forward questions and fairly simple to answer. However, when you set your goals did you include the finer details about the goal and how it would be achieved? Did you identify the little steps you want to take towards your success? I’ve read a number of posts recently referring to the story of how to eat an elephant; one example of this, is Ben Lumley at 6Aliens, who made reference to it. The question is, “how do you eat an elephant?” To which the response is; “one bite at a time”. This same principle can be applied to your goals, no matter how big or small they are. Take them one step at a time.

Taking your goals one step at a time requires a clearly structured plan to follow; this doesn’t mean a heap of mind blowing administration. All that you are required to do, is list the following:

The name of your goal
The steps you are to take to achieve the goal
When you expect to start and finish each step
What you will have when you’ve achieved each step
The obstacles or hurdles you expect to encounter (or circumstances and situations as they are referred to by Ali Davies)
How you intend to deal with your obstacles or hurdles
When to expect to achieve your goal

However, none of the above steps are going to ensure you have success in reaching your goals. One critical process that will help you with achieving your aims is to evaluate and check your progress every day. A great time to do this is in the evenings just before going to bed; this will also help with your preparation time for the next day’s tasks.

This is a time when you are able to reflect on your days activities and acknowledge your successes, review your goals, focus on the things you want to happen next; making plans to accomplish them. Specifically you want to know what you will be doing the following day to work towards your goals.

If one of your main goals is, the one referred to earlier, to raise your profile on Twitter, then you will reflect on a number of things such as followers and lists. How well you stuck to your plan of raising your Twitter profile, that you had set up for the day. Then you plan the next day’s steps to move towards your goals. What activity could you fit in to help you achieve a little more success?

On the other hand if your goal is to increase your blog profile, then your checks would be quite different. You would determine how many articles you managed to write, comments you had put on other blogs and how much traffic that brought into your site. This will increase your goal success rate and improve your personal growth.

What do you think?

photo credit: Daquella manera

5 Ways to Set Goals that Really Matter

Guest Writer — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 09:00:30 +0000

Today I’m pleased to have Ken Siew write a guest post. Ken is a blogger from Think Big Think Money; he’s written some great articles about Personal Finance and Self Improvement for smart people. I’ll now leave you in Ken’s capable hands.

Are you sick of the G word yet? I know I am. And I did not have any specific New Year’s Resolutions for 2010 either, because I already had many goals even before 2009 ended. Can’t do no more…

I realize many goals I set for myself could very well be a bunch of bad goals. Why? Because they mean nothing to me! (And that’s why I don’t care to achieve them.)

What do your goals mean to you? It should be a step toward a bigger purpose or cause. However, you and I often set goals that sometimes do not really get us to where we want to be, yet we think we have done the right thing. Certainly, setting goals the right way is a key to success, you already know that by now. So, let’s talk about how you can set goals that really matter, I have 5 good ways for you:

1) What if you were laid off today?

Wouldn’t you set your goals differently?

I bet you would.

When you have a job that provides you with a steady paycheck, you tend to set goals that are much more conservative and limiting. In fact, you might be giving up your dream for security and comfort.

Ask yourself this question: If you didn’t have a job today, either you were laid off, or you had to quit the job somehow and start afresh, what would you want to achieve in your life? Those often are the things that really matter to you.

2) Do not set goals that sound sexy

How many times have you set goals that sounded awesome and sexy, like “I will earn $10,000 a month working 10 hours a week”. As much as Tim Ferriss from the 4-hour Workweek wants you to achieve that, it’s not possible without putting enough hard work upfront. It just gives you a fantasy and misleads you into a false sense of success.

On the other hand, you can be so busy that you’re thinking you’re achieving your goal. Beware of this, you could be busy but not productive. You could be checking emails all day long but not do real work at all. It’s addictive I know, and it’s fun and entertaining. But it’s not productive. If you want more tips on how to cut down on your email addiction, go to AwayFind, an email service that will keep you sane.

3) Make sure some of your goals are vague

Don’t set goals that are too complicated and too specific. It’s great to know exactly what constitutes a success, but always leave room for flexibility. Goals that really matter to you are vague and are not always clear cut. For example, one of my goals is to build a reputable blog that would help others be a better person. There are a million things I could do to achieve that! In fact, you could call it a mission.

Your mission could be to change the world by making people more healthy. But your goal should not be as specific as “teach people how to eat vegetables the correct way”. You can teach them what kind of food to eat (think organic), but don’t go too far on that. Bottom line is, be a little creative and relaxed. You’d be much happier that way!

4) You won’t love all your goals

Not all goals will be the things you like to do. Keep the big picture in mind when setting your goals. But even though you don’t like the goals you set, they still matter because they will get you to where you want to be. And of course nobody should do what they hate to do, that’s why you should outsource those tasks. You get 2 benefits from doing this:

i) You save time from procrastinating on the stuffs you dislike and instead use the time to do something else that you like

ii) You increase your overall mental wellbeing and happiness

Here are several resources you could use when looking to outsource:

AskSunday – popular virtual concierge service which also allows for real person work such as picking up laundry

TaskUs – virtual assistant service that has American coordinators to ensure no communication problem

YouManInIndia – remote assistants from India who will you with your business needs

If these companies do not serve the purpose, you should find a joint venture partner to supplement the work that you really don’t want to do. For instance, if you love to blog about marketing, but are totally clueless about any type of technological sides of it (and the huge potential it brings), you should get someone who’s tech-savvy on board.

5) Imagine that there were no limitations in this world – no gravity, no lack of money, no idea is crazy. what would you want to do?

This is crucial. It basically opens up all the possibilities in the world to your imagination. Once you remove all the constraints in the world, you start to see things in a much bigger way than you could right now. Unleash your creativity and dream as big as possible. Take a few minutes.

Done?

Now, get back to reality. Bring back all the gravity and money, but keep that big dream. Now, set your goals based on that dream. Your goals will be much daring and much closer to what you really want to do for the rest of your life.

6) Don’t change your goal, change your plan instead

This is a bonus (I lied, but it doesn’t matter): If your goal is to be a superhero, change that.

But if your goal is realistically achievable, like earning one thousand dollars on the side while working full-time, don’t change it even if you think you are stuck. You gotta have a plan. If you think you can’t move forward, that’s because your plan doesn’t work. So, change the plan, but don’t change the goal. Again, when you run out of plan, don’t change the goal, but create a new plan. Thomas Carlyle said it well, “Go as far as you can see, and when you get there you can see it further.”

Personally this is very true to me. My goal for my blog has been to earn the first thousand subscribers by providing great content, I did not change the goal at all. The only thing I’ve been changing is the marketing plan, because the old plan could only get me so far.

The next time you set your goal, make it something that really matters to you. Throw away the non-essential goals. Life is too short to be wasted on goals that do not bring you closer to your dream.

Ken Siew is a blogger and food lover.You can find thought provoking ideas and handpicked tips at his personal finance and self improvement blog. Quick link: download his Free Report that contains 10 tactical tips on how to be rich by conquering your money problems.

How highly do you value yourself?

paulworswick — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 09:00:21 +0000

When I first went into business in 2003 and I had to decide how much I was going to charge; an hourly rate or a day rate and how much. These were just a few of the questions I had to ask myself. I had no idea how much I had to charge; I had never done this before. Needless to say, due to a lack of experience and self confidence in my own ability, I got it wrong quite a few times, leaving me to struggle and struggle I did.

It was only when I came across some of the work from the late Jim Rohn and he made reference to the value I was taking to the market place. This became a real ‘light bulb’ moment for me and helped me re-establish my business. The two video presentations below are just two of Jim’s many, where he talks about Personal Development and taking your value to the market, the presentation is delivered in typical Jim Rohn style. Please enjoy, then continue reading.

Click here to view the embedded video.

There are two videos because You Tube only allow a maximum of 10 minutes per video.

Click here to view the embedded video.

As you go about your day, you’ll give yourself a certain amount of credit or place a value upon yourself. Whether you do it consciously or unconsciously, you do it without doubt. The unusual aspect of this theory, is that you never really sit back and review what value you place upon yourself or more the point, unsuccessful people don’t. This is why successful people are successful; they are constantly re-evaluating themselves against the market requirements.

If you’re okay with accepting that theory; added to it is another interesting thought. That is, while you’re busy evaluating yourself, those who you mix with; bosses, peers, family and friends are also placing a value on you. Also, believe it or not, they don’t disclose their value of you to you, even if you were to ask them they’d probably give you some random value.

So where does that leave you? If you want to be successful, your way forward is through honest self evaluation and taking that value to the market.

Rocky Road

paulworswick — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 21:59:14 +0000

If you have a bit of a sweet tooth, you may be a lover of Rocky Road crunch bars. They are a tasty chocolate bar and a favourite of the sweet tooth gang. Whilst I wouldn’t say I have a sweet tooth, I am partial to the odd cake or chocolate sweet. I am also very fortunate because I have a partner who’s a very good cook and loves baking for the family. So anytime we need any cakes baking they suddenly appear as if by magic, something for which I am very grateful. How does she do that?

However, this post isn’t about the Rocky Road crunch bars or my partners cooking and baking skills; it’s about the rocky road we all meet from time to time in our lives. Each day of our lives we are faced with both new challenges and older challenges that continue to come knocking. How do you deal with your challenges? Are you the sort of person who gets angry every time you meet a challenge? Or are you more laid back and accept them as a new learning experience?

We all have our own strategies for dealing with the challenges in our lives, how do you cope with the rocky road in your life; that’s the ups and downs you face every day. I might be fortunate enough to have a talented partner who can bake a round of Rocky Road crunch bars when I feel like it, however with life it’s totally different.

We are all probably well aware of how handy it is to have somebody to do something for you when you can’t do it or don’t feel like doing it. However, when it comes to the rocky road in our personal life, there’s no such luck; that’s all down to us. You can look as much as you want but if you want to maintain control of you outcome, you’re going to have to deal with your own problems. Yes you can have support from your loved ones and those around you but at the end of the day; when the rubber hits the road it’s your responsibility and your responsibility alone.

If you are always allowing your challenges to get you down, consider changing your thoughts towards how you deal with them. Give yourself time to think about how you are dealing with your challenges. Do you allow yourself to become depressed or down when you are faced with a challenge? Why do you think you are faced with the challenge? Perhaps you think it’s a punishment for something you’ve done! Whatever the reason, if you choose you can decide to treat each challenge with a positive approach.

Treat every challenge, no matter where it’s come from, as a new learning experience. Ask yourself; “what I am learning here”?, or “what new skills do I need to use here”?. You may be learning something a simple as how to be more patient when waiting in a queue, how to deal with awkward people when on the phone. It might not be something you particularly want to learn but all the same you’re learning it. You may need the skill at some other time in your life! It’s all part of your personal development.

“The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way.” Dale Carnegie

photo credit: Winam

The importance of clear communication

paulworswick — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 21:22:08 +0000

When you’re communicating with others, are you aware of how your message is being taken or its level of understanding? History is littered with examples of where poorly communicated messages have been mis-interpreted; resulting in the outcome not being met. Clear communication is an important part of your Personal Development.

This post is a somewhat light-hearted look at the importance of clear communication. I’ve chosen a short video from the Two Ronnies; for those of you who don’t know the Two Ronnies, they are a British comedy duo from the 70s and 80s. The video shows one of their most popular sketches and really highlights the importance of using a clear message; it’s really funny too.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Gratitude – What are you grateful for?

paulworswick — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 20:49:40 +0000

How grateful are you for the things you have in your life? Out of interest, what are the things you show gratitude for? Maybe it’s your 4/5 bedroom detached house, your 4×4 car, the latest 10% pay rise you’ve received, your wardrobe full of the latest designer clothes, the two holidays you are able to take each year. Or perhaps you don’t show gratitude; you just expect them because you feel you deserve them. You’ve worked hard to get where you are!

That’s fair enough, if you’ve worked hard why shouldn’t you enjoy all the trappings of your success; it’s no more than you deserve. After all that’s one of the many reasons why people put the effort in; for the end result. In fact, I know some people whose sole reason for working so hard, is the holidays they can afford at the end of it.

How many people choose to show no gratitude for what they have achieved, regardless of whether they’ve been successful or not. They are forever complaining about what other people have achieved or what they’ve not got. How on earth do they manage to get through life?

Gratitude is a wonderful thing, extremely rewarding and helps to satisfy the soul. It will help you appreciate the smaller things you have in your life; the ones you sometimes take for granted.

Try allocating a little time each day, to spend expressing gratitude for the forgotten things in life, those that you take for granted. It’s not too difficult and eventually it will become second nature and become part of you life. Items such as: the food you eat, your health, the services you are able to access, such a water, electricity, gas etc. How would you manage if you didn’t have these. Other things you may wish to show more gratitude for are:

five senses
health and well being
family
family’s health
ability to walk, breath
travel
money
friendship group
work/employment
skills and abilities
clothes
love
each day
etc.

I’m sure there are lots more, add any others you can think of and let me know in the comments below.

Giving thanks for the more simple and sometimes forgotten things in life, encourages you to appreciate yourself and just what you have. You’ll begin to, not only understand and appreciate yourself but others around you; what they have or haven’t got. What they provide for you, how much they help you and how much you rely on them. Having a greater self awareness of your neighbourhood will clear your vision and provide you with the opportunity to see how you may help others in your community; also how they may help you.

All it takes is a few minutes each day, go ahead and give it a try. Include it as part of your personal development.

photo credit: Patrick Hoesly

Forgiveness

paulworswick — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 22:31:26 +0000

You’ll hear a great deal about forgiveness as you progress through your day; whether at work or home it doesn’t really matter, you have to deal with forgiveness situations. How much consideration do you give to the meaning of forgiveness? What it really means, to both forgive and receive forgiveness? You’ll be aware of the many responses or statements referring to forgiveness, such as; I can’t forgive you, I’ll never forgive you, how can I forgive you or there is no way I’m going to forgive you. Or on the more positive side you’ll hear; It’s okay I forgive you, I’ll always find room in my heart to forgive you, it doesn’t matter I forgive you or forgiving you is easier than not. Is this true forgiveness?

So it’s a case of how we respond to the different situations where forgiveness is required. What is it then, regardless of whether or not the response is positive, that causes people to respond differently? Are you a person who always responds in a consistent way when considering your response to forgiving or being asked to forgive? It is a case of your usual behaviours

When you are faced with a situation where you are displeased with an outcome or a person has upset you; perhaps the first thing you expect is an apology. Or it may be it’s a case of chastising them. You’ll see it so many times, where people give their well practiced pose and stand there with a look of, “well, where’s my apology?”

There isn’t really a need for an apology, if you’re a forgiving person. All that’s required is an understanding of what has happened and a realisation, that the behaviour they have demonstrated is just that; a behaviour. It is not a reflection of their identity. They responded in the way they did because, at the time, that was the best way they could think of. Who are we to judge a person about their behaviour; we might even have behaved in a similar way, given those circumstances!

Examples of people showing forgiveness

Consider the following cases where forgiveness has been granted after the individual has undergone a number of years of oppression.

After 25 years of being in prison and referred to as a terrorist, upon his release Nelson Mandela expressed his unconditional love and forgave the people who had previously been his captors.
Mahatma Gandhi after being imprisoned for a number of years for his encouragement of non-violent civil disobedience in both South Africa and India he was able to express his unconditional love towards his oppressors and forgive them.
Rosa Parks an African American civil rights activist, who was well known for her refusal to give up her bus seat for a white passenger. Despite her treatment Rosa was eventually able to show forgiveness.

These are people whose principles, have been or were, underpinned by their strong belief that forgiveness of both their friends and enemies alike, as expressed in the scriptures, is the better option. They saw no purpose in the route of anger and bitterness towards their avengers; all that would achieve is unnecessary unhappiness in their life, followed by illnesses and anxieties. Not forgetting we are on this earth to develop as individuals and work with one another not against each other.

How easy is forgiveness?

I spoke about forgiving somebody in an unconditional love situation in a previous post, “Love – what’s it all about?” you may want to read it. As a reminder the post asked the question, “if your partner cheated on you how would you feel? Could you forgive them?” If you can, why can you? If you can’t, why can’t you?

Forgiveness, how easy is it to forgive somebody. Perhaps people who forgive others have a criteria. What is your criteria for forgiveness? Does it depend who it is? What they’ve done? How did you found out? Wait, hold on a minute, we are talking about unconditional love here, so why should there be a criteria attached to forgiveness? Unconditional love means exactly that, love without any conditions; no matter what the person has done.

If the people mentioned earlier can express unconditional love, why can’t all of us do the same?

Okay, so let’s say you can express unconditional love; how does it all happen? How do you forgive somebody? What do you need to do? Is it as simple as saying, it’s okay I don’t mind? When do you ‘draw the line’ on somebody you think is taking the mickey?

How about understanding? Understanding what love is, understanding the other person, understanding yourself. Also, consider self love. Yes, self love, it’s not such a ‘bad thing’. By learning to love ourselves we can then develop our skills of loving others. Addressing your skills in understanding forgiveness and unconditional love will help support your efforts with your personal growth and self development.

photo credit: andymangold

Love – What’s it all about?

paulworswick — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 23:24:46 +0000

As you go about your day you’ll hear the word love used in a number of different situations and settings. The word is used so freely and so often it is easy to lose the full meaning behind it and the intent it carries. I love you! When somebody says; “I love you” to you, what does it mean? How does it make you feel? Or alternatively, when you hear other people use the word, how does it make you feel? How often do you hear the Hollywood version?

What does ‘love’ really mean? Lets look at the dictionary definition (courtesy of dictionary.com):

noun

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
sexual passion or desire.
a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
sexual intercourse; copulation.
(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one’s neighbor.
strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.

verb

to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
to have sexual intercourse with.
to have love or affection for another person; be in love.

That’s quite a list really, so it comes as no surprise that the word is so popular in our everyday language. When using the word love, one thing to consider is the impact it has on the situation. To simply state that you love a film isn’t going to have the same effect as claiming you love another person. In the first instance the film doesn’t have any emotions to consider, whereas when you begin to pull a persons emotional strings with the language you use, the outcome will be considerably different. So the use of the word depends on the effect it is likely to have, with that in mind it use it with care.

This post isn’t about using it in a casual sense or as a tennis score; it’s about using it in your relationships, where it carries a great deal of power.

Let’s look at situations where you might hear the word used:

Couples in an relationship
Family members
Courting couples
Films
Casual use; I just love . . . (fill in the blank with your material need)
A tennis score
add your own

So how do you love another person; it’s not something we are formally taught to do. If anything, the sex element is hidden away and the only public showing of it is what we observe in the relationships around us. If it’s so popular you’d think there would be some sort of training in it, can you imagine it on the school curriculum, your next lesson is “how to love another person”

Love starts at home, both in the homestead and within the individual; with an understanding and acceptance of yourself. Making sure you truly love yourself; when you know how to love yourself and feel the effects of a loving relationship, you’ll be able to love others. There are numerous references in the Bible too; “thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself”. If you can’t love yourself how can you love another person?

(Un)conditional love

A song called “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” was composed and written by Jim Steinman and recorded by Meat Loaf in 1993. What was it he wouldn’t do for love?

How complicate does love become when we put conditions on it?

When they do . . . , then I’ll be able to love them.
When they show me love, I’ll love them back.

How powerful are those statements? How much control are we looking for when we use these or similar statements? Surely it doesn’t matter whether somebody loves you or not; if you’re a loving person you can love them anyway. What is the reason for loving somebody?

Another situation where conditional love is of concern is where you might hear somebody say; “I’ve fallen out of love with . . .!!” I thought love was a way of life not an action or something to do; perhaps I’m missing something here.

Are these conditions we implement merely a control mechanism because we fear something? Maybe a fear of being on our own or of losing something, who knows?

If you’re unsure how to express unconditional love, you can learn a thing or two from our animal friends or children. They are the experts at showing unconditional love. I don’t own any pets but I do know of people who do and it’s quite shocking how they treat them sometimes. In particular, a man’s best friend (his dog) is many times mistreated and still they come back and demonstrate an unconditional love to their owner. It’s similar with children; they still love you to bits regardless of your emotional outbursts.

Unconditional love isn’t only seen coming from our animal friends and children, I have seen it with many couples; where no matter what happens they forgive each other, through their understanding and loving nature they continue with their relationship. How would you deal with the situation, if you found out your partner had strayed? How would you respond if you discovered your partner suddenly need constant 24/7 care and attention?

An understanding of love, or at least unconditional love will enable you to review your relationship and your development, giving your personal growth a lift.

Thank you for reading this post, please let me know what you think and share your experiences. While you’re here please take the time to sign up for the newsletter or alternatively you may prefer to subscribe for regular updates in your favourite reader or by email.

photo credit: Kelly Schott

How fussy are you about things in life?

Guest Writer — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 14:59:11 +0000

Today I’m pleased to have a post written by Ben Lumley from 6Aliens. Ben writes regularly on the subject of personal development, self development and personal growth. Please read on and add your comments below.

Do you know someone who thinks that any opportunity is generally never good enough for them? Are you constantly saying to yourself “I’m not doing that!” when confronted with a potential opportunity that could open up some doors for you?

There are always things in life that we don’t like or we don’t want to do but by only sticking to what we like, then we’ll never experience new challenges in life that will help us grow and develop.

To help better demonstrate the idea of being overly fussy with opportunities that we get in life I want to tell two stories.

There’s no way I’m going there!

I used to run a project for disaffected teens in a school near to where I live. The group of students I worked with were an interesting bunch but all we had in common was the fact that they had become so disillusioned with school and learning that they caused more problems than they solved.

One student loved to dance. She literally would eat, sleep and live dance. In an effort to get her some work experience I arrange for her to go to one of the best dance schools locally so she could help teach some classes.

I set it all up, the dance teacher was really excited and eager for her to come but when I told her all about it the response was….”There’s no way I’m going there!”

Why? Because it would mean a 30 minute walk after school to get there to teach for a few hours. I was stunned! Here was someone that desperately wanted to be a dance teacher but was too fussy to walk 30 minutes in order to do it.

What a Cracking voice

As she stepped on the stage in front of around 1,000 people and those were important people, every single person staring back at her were all thinking the same thing; “Erm no way what a joke!” They didn’t allow themselves to experience what she had to offer, they judged her by her cover and didn’t give it a second thought. Then she open her mouth.

If you don’t know the Susan Boyle story then go and YouTube “Susan Boyle” and you’ll understand in a heartbeat. Every body watching her
audition on a UK talent show thought the same thing instantly, “This woman looks a state – she can’t be any good.” Then she sung and completely blew everyone away. Everyone there, including the judges all had a fussy attitude to how they wanted a singer to be, what they should look like and what image they should fit – that was all changed after the first note.

Where do you draw the line?

We all have opportunities in life that we instantly shy away from. We see the potential benefits but we still find things to stumble over. We don’t want to move for that amazing job because that just seems like a hassle. We don’t want to go out for that blind date just on the off chance that they might turn out to be an axe-wielding murderer. We don’t want to take that leap of faith just in case the jump is too far.

How many times have you turned away from opportunities that could have led to something amazing? How often do you turn your nose up at things in life because you think they are below you? How fussy are you about the chances life throws your way?

I’m Ben Lumley, a blogger from the UK who writes about self development at 6aliens.com. Why not connect with me on Twitter @6aliens or if you liked this article then why not subscribe to my RSS Feed?

photo credit: acornchief

Self Esteem

paulworswick — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:32:17 +0000

Whilst the definition of self esteem varies a great deal from source to source, the general consensus is that it is a self estimation of your own worth; how you see yourself and fit into the bigger picture. Self esteem is a very powerful thing and can be the root cause of your success or failure; also it is very easy for it to become damaged, if mishandled either purposely or accidentally, by you or another person.

I have written about both self confidence and self esteem in two previous posts; you can read those posts here. Self Confidence and Self Esteem (Part 1) and Self Confidence and Self Esteem (Part 2)

Have you ever been on the receiving end of having your self esteem taking a bashing, or perhaps you know of someone who’s suffered the indignity of such a psychological beating? How can a person be expected to move on with their personal growth if they are suffering from low self esteem?

Whether you’ve experienced it or observed it, the effects are still the same and clear to see; a complete change of personality, approach to life, an awkward body language. In the worst cases a withdrawal from society and friendship groups occurs; when attempts to communicate with others are made any failures merely compound the situation and add to the low self esteem.

So what’s the solution? Probably not as easy as some people might think; it’s not just a case of giving a person a piece of sound advice with the much used phrase, “pull yourself together”.

Confident and certain

You’ll tend to discover that a person who has low self esteem, will be confident and certain about their abilities to be able to do or not do something. So if they say there is no way they can stand up and give a presentation, then that’s exactly what they mean, and no way are you going to change their opinion easily. The solution to this blockage is to encourage them to begin to doubt the certainty in their inability, do this and their self esteem will begin to increase.

If you’re working on your own self esteem, begin by questioning your own decisions and beliefs about your abilities. Use some powerful contradictory questions, such as:

What would it be like if I could do . . . ? (fill in the blank)
What would happen if I could do . . . ? (fill in the blank)
What would I do if I could do . . . ? (fill in the blank)
What would I do first if I could do . . . ? (fill in the blank)

Build trust

Trust is a very powerful tool in many situations, without it self esteem will continue to remain at a low; the difficulty in building it doesn’t make the task any easier. Trust in relationships starts with trust in the self. If you are working with a person who has low self esteem, you will need to build your own trust first, then you can demonstrate to them how they can begin to trust themselves. When this has been achieved trust between the individuals can be developed. A word of warning; all your hard work of building trust will be lost in an instance if you don’t tread carefully.

If you’re building your own self esteem, begin to develop your own self trust in your own abilities. Use small easy and straight forward tasks, within your own privacy initially, as you begin to develop your self esteem move onto larger and more public tasks. Do remember to give yourself time for the changes to take place, be patient with yourself.

Concentrate on what is needed

People with low self esteem tend to concentrate on what they can’t do, rather than what is required and what they can do. Begin by encouraging them to make a list of their skills, what can they do, include everything no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. This will help them to concentrate more on what they can do. Another exercise you can add to this is asking them to list their strengths, this may be a little more difficult. Make sure they don’t make another list of skills; it’s strengths that are needed, what is it that sets them above others. They may need a little help with this exercise.

You can do this exercise on your own if you’re building your own self esteem.

Honesty with success and failure

Many times, not just people with low self esteem, are guilty of a lack of honesty with their true successes and failures. There is a tendency to very easily forget about all their successes and conveniently remember every single failure. Encourage them to identify all successes and accept them as their achievements. Any failures can be recognised as an experience and an opportunity to learn something.

Again you can work on this exercise on your own.

One final thing to remember is if somebody doesn’t want to address their low self esteem then no amount of work with them will move them forward. The desire has got to come from them; when that happens they can continue with their personal development.

photo credit: Symic

Achievements

paulworswick — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 12:36:41 +0000

The word achievement or any of it’s derivatives are freely banded about a great deal by people wishing to impress, advertise their results or maybe just for their own self gratification. Achievement falls into one the those trendy words categories, that people love to use; in management meetings, at social meetings with their friends or any where they can raise their profile to impress people. In this ’scary’ use of the word and other similar words, it is easy to feel uneasy and pressurised into think you need to do more; or you’re not doing enough or not working hard enough.

A previous post looks at, “10 ways to achieve great results“.

You may well have been, on more than one occasion, been subject to the demands of having to achieve a particular outcome. If you’ve not, I would question what you are doing each day! For instance, a sales person having to achieve a number of sales by a target date or time. Or a teacher having to reach certain targets which ensured their students had achieved the required standards. It’s fairly obvious what will happen if you achieve the required outcome; you may get a little thank you or well done, if you’re lucky. What happens if you don’t achieve the required outcome.

If you’re responsible to somebody else you may well be chastised for your indifferent outcome? If so, how do you deal with it? Maybe you’re just responsible to yourself for your outcome, if how do you deal with it. However these aren’t really the issues I’d like to raise here. What I’d like to look at is the achievement itself. First of all the dictionary definition of achievement (courtesy of dictionary.com).

something accomplished, esp. by superior ability, special effort, great courage, etc.; a great or heroic deed: his remarkable achievements in art.
act of achieving; attainment or accomplishment: the achievement of one’s object
Heraldry. the full display of the armorial bearings of an individual or corporation

All outcomes are achievements regardless of whether or not they reflect the required result or not. If your initial outcome isn’t exactly what you wanted all it means is you’re at a learning point; take the time to understand your learning and move on to completed your task again until you achieve your required outcome.

An achievement isn’t just an indication that you’ve accomplished your goal; it’s a sign that you’ve completed what you were doing. Whether you’ve been successful or not, you have accomplished something. If the outcome isn’t what you wanted or expected, the question to ask yourself is, “what have I learnt from this experience?”

Give yourself more credit when you reflect on what you’ve done (achieved); rather than divide your outcomes up into ’successful achievements’ and ‘unsuccessful achievement’; group them all together and call them achievements. If that idea doesn’t ‘float your boat’, leave them in the two groups and call the two groups ’successful achievements’ and ‘learning experiences’.

Do away with disregarding your unsuccessful outcomes, learn from them and turn them into successful achievements. It will certainly help you to realise what you can achieve, what you need to learn and also to be more patient with yourself. It will very easily become part of your personal growth and self development, very soon the changes in you will be seen by your friends, much to your benefit.

Thank you for reading this post, please let me know what you think and share your experiences in the comments below. While you’re here please take the time to sign up for the newsletter or alternatively you may prefer to subscribe for regular updates in your favourite reader or by email.

photo credit: Constantin B.

10 more steps to help your learning

paulworswick — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 13:15:03 +0000

This post is the second of two about helping your learning. You can read the first one; “10 steps to help your learning“. When you’ve read this post don’t forget to add your views in the comments section below, I’m always pleased to hear your views. Your learning has recently moved more into your control and is likely to remain there for the foreseeable future. With that in mind it’s worth keeping an open mind about your learning, how you learn, where you can learn and the many learning opportunities open to you.

I’ve written many times about using your journal diary with your learning, so don’t forget to record your learning; both what you intend to learn and what you have learnt.

1. Believe in yourself

“To succeed, we must first believe that we can.” Michael Korda

Belief is so important to your success; therefore a crucial part of your learning. When you begin to believe you can do something, you can most certainly do it. Speak to many successful celebrity or sports people and they’ll tell you that they win their competition in their head before they can even think about beating their opponent(s). Yes, their biggest opponent is the one in their head!

2. Learn something new everyday

Make sure you learn something new every day, no matter how small, insignificant you think it is; take the learning on board. Record it in your journal diary. Any myth you may have, about the capacity of your brain to learn is exactly that, a myth. Whatever you may think about the capacity of your brain to only hold so much information, forget it. You are the owner of one of the finest computers in the world; capable of learning, holding and retaining any amount of information you require. Like a muscle, your brain needs to be exercised; continuing your learning everyday will do just that.

3. Make sure learning is high in your list of values

Too many times you will see or hear people claim not to be able to learn new things; they’ll claim to be past it, or too old. If you’re guilty of being a member of this group make a commitment to change your attitude. It will mean you have to re-consider some of your values. We all have values; our most important ones are placed further up the hierarchy than the less important values. Identifying how you spend your day and what do you like doing, will help you become clearer about your values. If your learning is lowly placed, you will need to re-assess your commitment to learning. Are you learning want you really want to learn?

4. Read a book about another subject

Rather then spending all your time learning about your chosen subject, spend a some time learning an alternative subject; completely different and unusual. Something that you wouldn’t normally be associated with. Successful sports people undertake other activities, not related to their specialist area. This allows them to rest the muscles they normally use whilst still maintaining their fitness. Your learning is exactly the same.

5. Learn from every situation

You can learn from everything you do, no matter what it is. Whether it’s attending a formal learning environment and learning new skills or have to deal with a difficult person and learn how to be more patient and tolerant. You will be faced with a number of challenges each day; rather than view them as a problem, look at them ’square on’ and treat them as a learning experience. Consciously ask yourself; “what new skills am I learning here?”. You’ll be surprised how your attitude changes to a more tolerant one as your personal growth moves forward.
.
6. Build a mastermind team

I have previously posted on this subject; rather than repeat myself here, you may wish to read the following post. Create a Mastermind Team

7. Respect yourself and your learning

Treat yourself and your learning with respect; if you approach it with a half hearted attitude you will soon become dis-illusioned and de-motivated. This will inevitably lead to failure and learning that has no value to you. Showing respect for your learning will demonstrate to yourself and others that you are serious about it; this will help maintain your energy levels and keep your motivation at a high.

8. Social learning

Learning with others will have a similar effect to building a mastermind team, by default you will have a ready made support mechanism from your peers. This will prove invaluable at times of low motivation; when you’ll have members of your peer group to ‘gee’ you up and make sure you keep on track. It also provides a built in assessment tool; you’ll be able to bounce ideas off your team to reinforce your learning. There’s always the friendly banter and competition between group members; this will push you towards new levels of achievement.

9. Meditate

Meditation has deep roots in Eastern lifestyle, however more recently it has started to make appearances within Western society. Many, many experts (of which I’m not one) have written numerous texts on this subject and how it should be undertaken. So I don’t propose to elaborate much further on it. Personally, I am developing my meditation skills through reading, listening to others and regular practice. If I could say one thing about meditation, it is if your serious about your Personal Growth and Self Development this is one area you will have to consider.

10. Have fun

Whatever you do it’s important to have fun when you are learning. From my experiences of teaching in Further Education (FE) colleges; I saw so many instances of adults, both young and old, who were unable to enjoy their learning. Whether this was due to the system, the teachers, schools or a deep seated belief that they’re not supposed to enjoy learning, I don’t know! Learning is supposed to be fun; put the fun back into your learning, don’t forget you own it!

photo credit: DaveBleasdale

10 steps to help your learning

paulworswick — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:33:59 +0000

The importance of continuing your learning, beyond any formal training, has been highlighted numerous times on this blog. So it comes as no surprise that I feel the need to write about it again; this time I have put together a suggested list of 10 steps to help your learning. This is the first of two posts; watch out for the second one, coming soon. Please feel free to add your own and write about them in the comments at the end of the post.

1. Make a plan

Planning is not everybody’s most favourite task, however in order to make your life easier it’s an important element of your learning. Without a plan how can you possible know what you’re doing and where you’re going to.

2. Make a note of what you need to learn

Journal keep is an important criteria in your Personal Development; when you keep track or record your progress it allows you to review your growth at a later date. Decide what you need to learn and how you are going to use your new learning. Use your journal diary.

3. Put into practice what you learn

Knowledge is a great element to have, however it becomes completely meaningless without following it up with the required action. Put your new learning to good use with the required action.

4. Make a note of what you have learnt

This is a continuation of no. 2, “make a note of what you need to learn”. Making a note of what you have learnt will reinforce your learning and assist you with your review sessions. This will prevent your new learning from becoming a meaningless exercise. Use your journal diary.

5. Share your learning

When you’ve learnt something new; tell others about it and share it with them. This will also reinforce your new learning and allow you to demonstrate your understanding.

6. Use your learned skills wisely

Gaining knowledge and not using it, is not the behaviour of a wise man. In fact it’s probably defeats the object of undertaking the learning in the first place. When you’ve completed an element of your learning, refer back to your journal; that’s where you can record why you are learning, what are you going to do with your new learning.

7. Do something special for somebody

Showing gratitude for something you have received is an important part of your personal development. From a development point of view and the Law of Attraction (LOA) principle; whatever you send out is what you get back. If you spend time supporting people who are in need, without the expectancy of receiving; you will receive a similar gesture in return, when you are also in need.

8. Be prepared to challenge previous learning

As you progress with your learning and begin to take on new knowledge, which won’t always fit in with your previous learning. The time has now come for you to critically analyse your knowledge and decide what stays and what goes. Challenge those old beliefs!

9. Be selective who you include in your team

As you continue with your learning and build your confidence you will become a requested and much sought after commodity. Whilst I am ‘preaching’ the ideals of sharing your skills with others; I’m not suggesting you should disrespect yourself. The hard facts are, they are people who will take advantage of your skills and good nature; so it’s important to be careful who you work with and not let them take advantage of you.

10. Mix with similar people

Mixing with like minded people; other people who are also focused on personal development, will help you to continue your growth in a suitable environment. This circle of friends will create an atmosphere filled with a positive learning energy; supportive to your cause.

photo credit: KrissZPhotography

Integrity

paulworswick — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 17:01:34 +0000

Integrity is something, I’m always interested in talking about, writing about or discussing. So it came as no surprise to me when I felt the urge to write a blog about the subject. I’ve heard a number of people speak on the subject; more recently I’ve been asked questions about it from blog readers, what my thoughts were on integrity. So I thought, what better than to write a post on the subject!

When you hear the word integrity it will bring to mind your own images, views and interpretation as to what it means, how it fits into your life and the world at large! What do you understand integrity to mean? I’d be interested to hear what your views are.

Definition

Lets begin with a definition; the following is from dictionary.com

adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty
the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire
a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship’s hull

Origin and history

c.1450, “wholeness, perfect condition,” from Old French integrité, from Latin. integritatem (nom. integritas) “soundness, wholeness,” from integer “whole”. Sense of “uncorrupted virtue”.

Practising Integrity

Understanding what integrity is and practising it, are quite obviously two different things. Having the knowledge is one thing; taking the action and putting that knowledge into practise is ‘where the rubber hits the road’. It is certainly worth the effort of learning the knowledge and applying it; the process will ensure a more completeness of character. When your friends speak to you, ask you questions or interact with you, they would prefer to know you are person of integrity. If you were to respond in a different way, depending on the company you are keeping or the environment you are in, it wouldn’t help your reputation among your peers and friends.

Recently in the UK, a number of politicians have received allegations of inappropriately claiming expenses; whether the allegations are true or not, their integrity has been seriously damaged. So whether you are a person of integrity or not, care has to be taken when in a position of trust. As the politicians have discovered, it’s so easy to fall victim of the circumstances you are in, especially if you have principles that when they are tested, fall at the first fence.

Dealing with integrity

How often have you been on the receiving end of another person’s lack of integrity, perhaps they were unaware of their behaviour and the effect it had on them and those around them. If you’re fortunate and not had to suffer another person’s questionable ethical behaviour, there’s probably occasions where you’ve seen it take place and another person be on the receiving end.

How does it make you feel when you see or hear about these instances; whether you or another person is the victim? How do you respond? Do you respond within your own morals and principles? Is there a nice little step by step process you can follow to sort the problem out? I wish it was that easy but it comes down to your own integrity and morals. Each situation will be different, the solution is to be aware of your own abilities and creativity you have to deal with the situation. If you continually follow your principles on a daily basis, you can’t do anything else but respond in the only way that they’ll allow you to. It’s no good imitating others in the hope of solving your problems; all that will do is hide a problem with another persons morals (strategy).

A great starting point for dealing with these situations is a check-in on your own principles. If you’re not sure what your principles are, make a list of what you do each day. Are you living by your principles or those of another person? Who’s controlling your life? If another person is pulling your strings, your first step is to cut the strings and begin to live your life on your terms.

Once you’re back in control, the next step is to take the list of things you do each day and decide what is welcome and what has outstayed it’s welcome. For much of the time, the decisions you make here can be very much based on ‘gut’ instinct. If you think you’ve been cheating on yourself, by doing something you don’t really agree with because another person wanted you to do it; it’s time for it to go. Honesty is a principle and it starts at home!

Continue this process through your list; if you think it stays, let is stay, otherwise let it go because it probably belongs to another person. This process will get you started and give you a clearer indication about your principles.

When you’ve identified your principles, make a list and a mental note of them; then commit to assimilating them into your everyday life and live by them. Make sure you live by them with some consistency, without faltering. Now your integrity will begin to be recognised by others for the right reasons. Don’t forget, though be patient with yourself this will take time, your personal development is one of your greatest assets; it needs nurturing.

“Rome wasn’t built in a day” Proverb

Thank you for reading, please let me know what you thinking; add to the conversation in the comments. While you’re here, please take the time to sign up for Diary4life newsletter or alternatively you may prefer, to subscribe for regular updates in your favourite reader or by email.

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Learn something new

paulworswick — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:04:49 +0000

On this blog, I have written a number of times about how continuing your learning, is an important ingredient in the recipe of your personal development training. I have recently been ‘walking my talk’ and I’ve completed an online blog optimisation course.

The course, “31 Day Challenge To Optimize Your Blog With Social Media” (video) was provided courtesy of John Haydon and as the name suggests the course lasted for 31 days. My Social Media skills have always been in need of ‘brushing up’ and being given more focus and direction. This course from John has provided me with just that.

The course started on the 1st January 2010 and finished on 31st January 2010, however this doesn’t mean you’ve missed out because you can still access the course material by visiting John’s blog. Also if you feel in need of a little support whilst following the course material, I’m sure John would be available to point you in the right direction. You should be able to contact him through his Facebook or Twitter account. You are still able to follow the 31 Day Challenge at your leisure; in your own time and enjoying the learning experience. I found John’s delivery to be very easily accessible and easy to follow; he also made great use of other bloggers within his network to write some guest posts.

As with many courses, there were a couple of pre-course activities to undertake, however these were fairly straightforward and not too taxing. Each day John posted a different topic area with homework ‘to boot’. (Homework was non-compulsory, only advisory)

Some of the topic areas were:

Marketing Plan
Guest posting
Facebook
Engaging your community
Connecting with your Twitter followers
Twitter Techniques
Making use of Posterous
Using your LinkedIn

The above is only a sample of the areas covered by John, make a visit to his blog and take a look at the rest.

If you’re ready for the challenge make a trip to John’s blog; follow each of the daily posts and watch you and your blog grow. If you subscribe to John’s blog you will be able to access all the posts through your favourite reader, as and when you require.

Thank you for reading this post, please let me know what you think and share your experiences of the 31 Day Challenge.

While you’re here please take the time to sign up for Diary4life newsletter or alternatively you may prefer to subscribe for regular updates in your favourite reader or by email.

photo credit: webtreats

Things in perspective

paulworswick — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 18:07:56 +0000

We are all guilty of procrastinating at some stage in our attempts to achieve our goals. In his book “Eat that frog“, Brian Tracy uses an old metaphor to help people overcome their procrastination. The metaphor says, if the first thing you do in the morning is to eat a live frog, you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that it’s probably the worst thing you’ll do all day.

Eat That Frog!: Get More of the Important Things Done, Today!

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Emotions

There is, of course, the use of goal setting as a solution to overcoming procrastination. Is goal setting really the answer or are there a number of other underlying reasons why we fail to move forward with our intended actions. There is certainly an element of self sabotage brought about by a fear. A fear, that isn’t necessarily a fear of failure; there is also a fear of success and being able to cope with it.

When you first set your goal or decide which direction you are to travel; you’ll more than likely be filled with excitement. However, over time that excitement diminishes, why is this? What has happened to drain all that energy filled excitement away? Perhaps a change in your emotions. If that’s the case, what’s the reason for the change? In many cases, security takes over the excitement of a new task and you decide to stay in your comfort zone. Looking back to the time when you first set the goal, what was it that drove your desire or need for the change? Looking back, would it have been easier to maintain an interest in your current situation?

Displacement activities

At its highest point, or lowest depending on where you’re looking at it from, it would appear you are trying to get away with the least effort for maximum output. What are the excuses you use for not carrying through with your goal? You’ll probably find yourself using a range of displacement activities; the activities that you use to take yourself away from achieving the goal you’re procrastinating from. You may even dislike these displacement activities more than the task you are procrastinating about.

Think back to when you first set your goal and how you were filled with all the enthusiasm you could ever wish for. Then, for what appears to be no reason at all and in many cases without warning, we are suddenly full of excuses, for not working towards your goal. Your actions all become very ‘last minute’ behaviour.

Language

The language you use when setting your goals is often the route of the problem. Misappropriated language can create a misunderstanding, eventually leading to a misinterpretation of the goal and the eventual outcome looking nothing like what was expected or just not being achieved.

Motivation

Is the lack of motivation to blame for the procrastination? Where does the motivation come from? All motivation is self motivation regardless of where you think it’s come from. Yes, I know there are motivational speakers and there’s music, pictures and paintings that all help with your motivation. These only make you feel good.

Values

Have you ever given consideration to your values? Many people claim they have, but have they addressed their hierarchy of values. The majority of people accept we have values and claim to be following them, they probably are. However, if a value is at the lower end of this hierarchy, then it receives less attention than one higher up the list. For instance, if you have a value of money and you never seem to have any money you’ll be wondering why. If your value for spending money is higher up the list than saving money then you’re not likely to have a great deal of savings.

What about that end result, how important is it? Considering you are continually learning everyday from all your experiences, surely your journey has as much value as the end result! How often do you concentrate more on the end result, than the journey itself? The following quote says it all.

“Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.” Greg Anderson

A little fore thought and careful planning will help to ensure you achieve the success you are seeking. Planning entails implementing a number of straight forward steps and the consideration of a number of simple procedures. These procedures usually have a number of elements to drive them forward; what are the drivers for achieving your success. Consider how much your goal is affected by each of the following:

The newness of your goal
The difference between, what you’ve got and what you want
How much your goal challenges you; is it pain or pleasure?
Are you releasing bad energy?
What is your level of satisfaction?
Are you achieving closure?

If the above are some of your drivers, what causes the dreaded drop in energy levels?

How much does each of the following affect your attitude or change in progress? Which of them comes before the other? In other words which is the chicken and which is the egg? Please add your comments below.

Is the language you are using positive or negative?
What are your displacement activities?
What are the emotions you are experiencing?
Where is your motivation coming from?
Have you addressed your hierarchy of values?

photo credit: Aldakila

A case of mistaken identity

paulworswick — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 17:57:07 +0000

Just how aware or self aware are you? How clear are you with what you are doing? How clear are you about what’s going on around you? I don’t mean the simple straightforward things that happen on a daily basis; such as now I’m having my breakfast, then I’ll catch the bus to work. They’re the easy things to be aware of. The things I’m referring to are those you may be aware of, or think you are but maybe you do them without realising it because they’ve been imposed by another person. Woa, just a minute, surely that wouldn’t happen, would it! Have a think about and answer the question, honestly. Take a few minutes if you need to. While you’re thinking about your answer you may also like to read an earlier post; “do you know who you are?”

How often do you do something because it’s been instilled into you from an early age or because you’ve read about it in a book and it’s become the latest fad. If you are choosing to live the life of another i.e. one that has been instilled into you or one from the shelves of the latest fad bookstore; without realising it, you maybe handing control of your life over to another person. In other words you are living with another person’s identity; a clear case of mistaken identity. While you continue to live your life in this way, your personal growth will be seriously stunted and any self development you are seeking will continue to remain out of your reach.

Are you in control of your life?

Let’s take the first situation; and ask the question again, are you living a life that’s been instilled into you from an early age? Your parents are wonderful people and in most cases they are the people who have had the most influence on you and for longer than any other person. Therefore, their ideas and beliefs will have become a major part of your life, whether you want it or not. Or is that really the case? Yes, your parents values and beliefs will be a major part of your life; as for whether you want it or not, that’s not necessarily the case.

“You are not responsible for the programming you picked up in childhood. However, as an adult, you are one hundred percent responsible for fixing it.” Ken Keyes, Jr.

Once you have taken the decision to take over the controls of your life from your parents, you are totally responsible for how it pans out. Whether you choose to continue the life you’ve always led or completely turn it on its head, the final decision is yours.

Now for the second situation, the one where you are controlled by the latest fad. This is where you are led by the latest thinking, gadget or idea from some great guru. Gurus could be anybody from a celebrity, sportsperson, best friend, TV star or other family member, just to name a few. We are all under the same pressure from advertisers and media hype to achieve a certain status, be seen with certain peer groups, wear certain clothes etc the list goes on and on. Once again, if you fall into this category you are handing control of your life over to others, to control you like a puppet.

Taking control of your life

So what’s the answer? The answer is easy, by choosing to lead a different life, rather than continuing to follow the values and beliefs of others who have influenced your early life or be controlled by the trendsetters of the world, take control of your life and steer it where you want it to go. Identify your own values and beliefs and become a principle based person. As a principle based person you will have more credibility and others will see you as a person of honesty and integrity.

Principles are firmly routed in the natural laws of the universe, just like others laws such as gravity. This makes them more substantial and reliable meaning there will be more consistency in your life; no more ‘chopping and change’ to keep up with the crowd. You’ll be able to become yourself, no long to be controlled by an external source. Say good bye to the old lifestyle.

The principle based life you choose isn’t a short term fix; like the fads you’ve been used to following nor will it be a life based on the ideas of others. It’s becomes a long term lifestyle change and requires a great deal of effort and commitment, however the end result will ensure you begin to see more of the results you are seeking, such as, self respect, great (self) awareness and focus towards you goals.

photo credit: bionicteaching

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