dickhouse

a dickhouse wakesurf safari

dickhouse productions — Wed, 19 Jun 2013 09:54:23 -0700

This past weekend, we, the people of Dickhouse, gathered in what would appear to be one of those "office buddy" retreats made popular by super mega corporations and the company morale they strategically hope to foster, but was in fact just an excuse for us all to get wet, wild, and wakesurf. Individual skillsets and styles were all over the board on the board and overboard, but everyone got up and that's all that mattered in the end. So here, presented in classic Brady Bunch formation, are the weekend players and the wakes that they worked hard—so hard:

1) Jeff Tremaine mugs and fingers the brownish-green room.

2) Cordell Mansfield SMASH WAKE!

3) Seamus Frawley picks the pocket.

4) Rick Kosick, new kahuna on the block!

5) Amanda Adelson ups Spinal Tap by four and goes to 15.

6) Shanna Zablow busts out a smile and a mystery bump on the backside of her thigh.

7) Sean Cliver gets slippy on the lip.

8) A bonus backside by Cordell Mansfield for all the fashionable ladies that prefer their men neandermanly.

9) Chris Pontius showcases the elements of style.

(All photos by Sean Cliver -- except the one of Sean Cliver, that was snapped by Tremaine; 2013)

tonight it's jackass 3 on the mtv!

dickhouse productions — Sat, 15 Jun 2013 05:00:00 -0700

So you've seen the dementia dimensionally, now see it lay pipe on cable. Tonight at 10/9 C the MTV will be premiering jackass 3 in whatever capacity can be done for the first time ever during the course of its latest #MANCATION weekend. We won't be officially tweeting it up live along with the broadcast, but the MTV is running some other kind of promotion where you'll have the opportunity to win random shit for correctly guessing how many nuts get kicked in the course of the #MANCATION event (and if you haven't guessed it by now it's real important to use that hashtag or you ain't gonna have a corn kernel's chance in Dave England's rectal hell of winning jack shit).

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Burbank, California 2010)

photo of the day: amanda's cornhole

dickhouse productions — Fri, 14 Jun 2013 05:00:00 -0700

Spring has since sprang and summer can now be summed up in one word at Dickhouse: Cornhole! Now I don't know much about the origins of the "cornhole" game—or anything else for that matter—but I've been told it started in Ohio and then migrated south where it gained in considerable popularity. Since then, however, it has tainted our taint and we've been tossing bags with competitive abandon day after day after night after night. I'll delve more into the Dickhouse leagues and team rosters as the summer progresses, but for now I'd like to simply spotlight the skills of Amanda. She's what could be termed as "wildly inconsistent" and can hit as much as she misses, but boy oh boy, when she misses she really fucking misses. This shot marks what may in fact be her wildest, most inconsistent miss ever, so it was immediately documented by Johnny Knoxville for posterity. A certain percentage of alcohol may be blamed for said shot, but that excuse can only take you so far for so long and this toss just came up ridiculously short. Good job, Amanda! Now go to 15.

(Photo by Johnny Knoxville; 2013)

happy birthday to steve-o!

dickhouse productions — Thu, 13 Jun 2013 06:51:19 -0700

Bad case of the crabs? Bayou fashion victim? Who gives a shit! Today is Steve-O's birthday so we're transmitting an image from wildery days of Wildboyz past in his honor, because to have is to share and sharing is caring. Happy Birthday, Steve-O!

(Photo by Dimitry Elyashkevich; Louisiana 2005)

photo of the day: chris pontius

dickhouse productions — Wed, 12 Jun 2013 07:50:29 -0700

Okay, so I said we'd be back to dicks today after yesterday's extreme vaginal departure, but instead I bring you butt. Hey, it's not like I promised you a rose garden, so get off my back, jerk! What's special about this particular photo—aside from its centerpiece being one of the more awesome humans around—is that Jeff Tremaine often cites it as one of the moments when he knew he'd truly made it in life: To be able to film your friend running around bound, gagged, and dressed only in a thong and then present it to the masses via the television on a show titled jackass (in Helvetica!), thereby putting the boob back in the tube. Call me silly, but I'd rank it right up there with the discovery of fire, the invention of the wheel, and a cure for the clap. Good times!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Los Angeles, California 2000)

happy birthday to ryan dunn

dickhouse productions — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 08:27:16 -0700

(Artwork by Phobik)

the vagina drawing contest

dickhouse productions — Tue, 11 Jun 2013 05:00:00 -0700

While out to dinner the other night with Knoxville, Dimitry, and Amanda, we decided to have a vagina drawing contest. I know, sounds weird, seems all we like to do is focus on the male genitalia, e.g. dicks, balls, and such, but earlier circumstances dictated otherwise and Knoxville decided to put us all to the illustrated test—primarily myself, as I'd somewhat botched a drawing of a vagina the night before. I have my excuses, good ones, I think, but no one had their listening ears on and didn't give two shits what I had to say in defense, so we each received a small piece of paper and pen and went to work on a leveled playing field.

Needless to say the results speak for themselves, but I'm an admittedly biased dick. So, with that in mind and starting at top left, we have Amanda's "interpretation" of a vagina. Though she has one of her own, you really couldn't tell it from the drawing, which Knoxville went on to aptly describe as a "desiccated apricot" (I would've given her the benefit of a halved dwarf papaya, but to each their own in describing crude renditions of spoiled fruit). Next up, at top right, we have Knoxville's entry—a classic bush and navel scenario, and, I have to concede, one of Knoxville's truly better scrawlings (you'll have to trust me in this as I've witnessed a number of his painstaking efforts over the years—he was so proud he even signed it!). Bottom right is mine, where I believe to have redeemed myself from the prior night's fiasco (which just so happened to unfortunately take place on a poor girl's upper arm), and yes, I do pay attention to the details, as witnessed by the inclusion of the perineum and other lady bits; However, Dimitry and Knoxville both accused and/or dismissed me of going home and doing some online studying, but you know what? They can go fuck themselves. Anyway, Dimitry's is the last at bottom left and it does nothing but underscore his Russian heritage. It's wild, it's wooly, it's 100-percent baBUSHka to the '70s tee.

But there you have it: the results of the 2013 Dickhouse Vagina Drawing Contest, which ended in a hotly contested debate that no doubt annoyed several other restaurant patrons. Tomorrow, rest assured, we'll return to our regularly scheduled parade of dicks.

(Photo by Johnny Knoxville; 2013)

history lesson: the blown away guy

dickhouse productions — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 05:00:00 -0700

In honor of Ryan Dunn's birthday today, I've held onto this clip that was posted a few weeks ago on the Interweb spotlighting the history behind "the blown away guy" from the Maxell advertisement. This was, of course, the inspiration behind our situating Dunn behind the engine of an Aero L-39 Albatros jet fighter in jackass 3D, so it was nice to see him memorialized in the piece.

We miss you, Ryan. Not a week goes by in the office when you are not quoted warmly and fondly—my personal go-to favorites being, "Who gives a shit?" and "Eat that dick", but "N'awesome" is oft uttered as well.

(Photos by Sean Cliver; Camarillo, California 2010)

photo of the day: chris pontius

dickhouse productions — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 05:00:00 -0700

Ever since we started up the official "Dickhouseworld" Instagram account these "photo of the day" posts may seem redundant at best, but then again dunce is our unofficial middle name. So without ado, adieu, or a doo-doo, I'm more than happy to present this little—no, make that never ever before seen shot of Chris Pontius getting a scorpion makeover in the cuts of Thailand on a discarded Wildboyz shoot in 2005. This could be considered, I suppose, a precursor to his later face-to-upside-down-face encounter in 2010 for jackass 3D, but then again I could say the Russian space chimp was a precursor to the American chimp birthday party and who really gives a shit? Anyway, all nonsequiturs aside, I have no place other to go than if you don't own the Wildboyz collection on DVD then you are really missing out on life, love, and other stuff.

(Photo by Dimitry Elyashkevich; Thailand 2005)

wiener vision? wiener health!

dickhouse productions — Thu, 06 Jun 2013 06:06:05 -0700

Remember how everyone was so grossed out when Bam Margera was chasing them around with his peeing wiener in jackass 3D? Well, all aside from Chris Pontius, I mean, considering he just layed there and took an ever loving earful of it for what seemed like fucking forever, but perhaps he knew then what science is only now just getting a handle on: urine's not just bodily waste after all! Turns out there may actually be a beneficial use for pee-pee instead of just plain jane elimination, golden showers, and sabotaging your Irish friends. I'm not going to get into the scientific details because I'm about three neurons short of a six-pack, but if you've the inkling for what all can done with your dingaling's tinkling, check out: http://www.popsci.com

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Agua Dulce, California 2010)

no, it's the mashed potatoes—not the beehive

dickhouse productions — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 05:00:00 -0700

Remember the first time you stuck your penis in a beehive and realized that perhaps it wasn't the best idea? No? Not surprising. Even our dumbasses know enough not to insert your penis into one of those. Okay, yeah, I can see where the concept of a "honey pot" might sound enticing—especially if you've the marginalized gray batter of say, oh, Winnie the Pooh—but at some point during the insertion process surely a few Darwinism alarm bells are likely to go off and be accordingly heeded. So, although it made for a wonderfully charming evolutionary tale about the culling of the human herd, this "news story" about some sweaty Swede doing the dumb dicky deed and made dead was indeed a hoax. However, it would make for a great title in Helvetica Bold, don't you think? I can hear Dave England saying it now... "Hi, I'm Dave England and this is the 'Beehive Sex Toy'." Although the odds of that happening now are a pubic hair slim to absolutely fucking none. After all, he was pretty chapped about being stung up after playing "Beehive Tetherball" on jackass 3D, the movie that took a critically acclaimed upwards dump in the third dimension! Watch it now or own it forever—you be the consumer judge.

(Photos by Sean Cliver; Florida 2010)

meter fairy fallout

dickhouse productions — Tue, 04 Jun 2013 04:56:44 -0700

Generally speaking we are upstanding law-abiding citizens, give or take what happens behind closed doors in the neighborhood of Sunset and Gower on occasion, but it would appear we really stepped across the thin blue line during the run of the late great jackass TV show when Danger Ehren donned a pink tutu and pranced hard—so hard—around the streets of Portland, Oregon, bestowing quarters upon those parked souls in need of a helping hand. Little did we know this was actually a heinous crime on par with certain forms of manslaughter and, perhaps, human organ trafficking on the black market, but you're going to have to take into account I don't know shit from peanut butter when it comes to the long, short, or baby arm of the law. By the way, should you or anyone you know be in possession of a baby arm, I salute you, but that's beside the point, the point being this is just another half-ass reach around on yet another random ass news story to break wind in America: http://www.washingtontimes.com

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Portland, Oregon 2001)

sneaky nuts!

dickhouse productions — Fri, 31 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Did you hear the one about the Australian politician who had to publicly apologize for accidentally liking a photo of a teen's nuts? Embarrassing, for sure, but you really gotta cut this Wollongong some slack. After all, the poor fella got snookered by the old "sneaky nuts" trick, where one slips a down under peek of testes on the down low. The Wildboyz were no stranger to this practice, of course, what with the ill-fitting cut of what passes for safari shorts in Kenya these days, and Steve-O bombed the cameras with his ballbag while in the process of groping the garbage on a black rhinoceros, as censoredly seen in the scene above.

Extra, extra, read all about shit that surpasses the news now: gawker.com

(Photo by Jeff Tremaine; Kenya, Africa 2004)

meet wee man at chronic tacos opening in vegas!

dickhouse productions — Thu, 30 May 2013 17:18:40 -0700

the original big brother desk art

dickhouse productions — Thu, 30 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Now what you're looking at here is some real Indiana Jones shit, and I'm about to take a hard—so hard—left turn down Memory Lane. These framed fragments represent some of the last remaining artifacts—aside from the few people themselves—of the third Big Brother office incarnation located at the ex-World Industries warehouse on Nash St. in El Segundo, California, circa 1993–1996. Late '96, when World Industries decided it was going to make a run at being run like a real company, the Big Brother crew was kicked clear across to the other side of the industrial park, closer to the shit plants and refineries, where the magazine lived out its last months of freewheeling dumb before being bought up and censored by—of all people and companies—Larry Flynt Publishing, Inc.—in 1997.

No sooner was the gang out the door of Nash when the reconstruction crew swept in to relayer all the old, scribbled upon desks with brand new, pristine Masonite tops for the worker bees. Five years later—or thereabouts, give or take—the revamped company relocated to new, bigger digs, and the post-modern Vietnam chic interior decor was trashed. Luckily, OG Big Brother editor and skateboard artist Marc McKee had the foresight to salvage a few scraps of petroglyph from the woodpile, so that's what you're looking at now: Pieces from the mag's art/editorial director Jeff Tremaine's very own desk, where the magazine layouts and print files were labored over on a state-of-the-art-yet-still-slow-ass computer, allowing for lots and lots of bored fucking doodle time.

Let's break the beat, leftover lumber down, starting at the upper left, and trivially work our way clock-wise:

1) Several of Tremaine's desky doodles were the launchpad for full-scale paintings that typically then found their way onto skate- and snowboards for companies like Prime, Foundation and Division 23 (the chameleon was actually used in part on both Prime and Division 23 boards). On the far left, however, is a portrait of Rick Kosick by me, Sean Cliver, which was actually one of many that was done during that time period because he was very popular source material whenever boredom was at play.

2) This afro rendition is mine, perhaps influenced by Tremaine's frequent playing of Gil Scott-Heron, but the added text was more likely than not courtesy of the resident pro/am skaters of the time, e.g. Guy Mariano, Rudy Johnson, Daniel Castillo, Kareem Campbell, Shiloh Greathouse, Daewon Song, etc., many of who spent hours of idle time perfecting their individual tags all throughout the office on any and every available surface, nook, and cranny (Tim Gavin's "SHITE" was a personal favorite of the staff's); or, it may have been a "street" embellishment provided by an enigmatic artist known only as "The Creeper".

3) No, that's not Cordell Mansfield, but rather another early neandertal man known as Daniel Dunphy, another former artist in the World stable. This drawing commemmorates the one (and only!) night we went out drinking with Daniel—who was not a drinker by any stretch of the liver—and he proceeded to puke until he blew his eyeballs out. No joke. The next morning he came to work sporting red where the whites of his eyes used to be. It was awesome! Hence the red Sharpied eyeballs.

4) A Tremaine caricature of Sean Cliver's profile. Yeah, not too proud of my nose, but it is what it is and doesn't physically equate to anything else unfortunately.

5) Aside from being a Tremaine, there is absolutely nothing else worthy of note about this elephant. It was a one-off in all senses ... an anticlimactic one-off at that. So, in the almighty sign off frequently used within our pages at the time: Fuck off!

(Photo by and courtesy of Marc McKee; 2013)