dickhouse

breaking wind on the interweb

dickhouse productions — Fri, 24 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Color me disappointed. Possibly disenfranchised. Maybe just outright jealous—I mean, if we're really going to call a spade a spade. The idea of fart noises being heard on any website should have been jackassworld.rip for starters, but then that whole deal went up in smoke (taking all the mirrors along with it). True, JAW did have its landmark moments of auditory brilliance when it cames to mousing over particular photos, e.g. "HUNH?", "Go Fuck Yourself," and, of course, the soothing regurgative sounds of Steve-O, but we really should have planted our flag in online flatulence. Anyway, The Onion since has—scrolling no less—so good on 'em. Download farts for your website here: http://theonion.github.io/fartscroll.js/

Love the smell of ass napalm in the morning? Is the "Covered Wagon" your signature bedtime move? Take a moment, stop exorcising anal spirits in your underpants, and own jackass number two on DVD today!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Orlando, Florida 2006)

butt sauce, dirty diapers (hold the musty clitoris)

dickhouse productions — Thu, 23 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Honestly, I don't think I've ever seen better season finale in the history of television. I mean, this certainly waxes the chapped beaver of Lost's final episode. What a cop out that was, right? Surprised they didn't slap one of those tacky "coexist" bumper stickers on the coffin. Anyway, this speaks for itself in ways that move me. I hope it moves you in mysterious ways, too.

(Photo by Lindsey Shupe; 2012)

the world's strongest vagina... bozhe moi!

dickhouse productions — Wed, 22 May 2013 11:03:56 -0700

Now here's something the Wildboyz clearly didn't know about when they went behind the former Iron Curtain of Russia in 2005: It's home to the strongest vagina in the whole wide world! Because if they had known... well... hmm... I don't know. I'm not sure what would have happened. I mean, it's not like the Wildboyz were known to tangle with vaginas, you know? That just would have been so out of character for them and might've thrown fans for an unusually straight loop. True, Johnny Knoxville did make a point of wrestling a particularly beefy specimen of womanhood in Russia (who ultimately, and unsurprisedly, pinned him flat on his back to the mat), so I'm sure one of our boys could've mustered up the manhood to go hole-to-hole with Tatyana Kozhevnikovam in a weightlifting competition, which, in the end—and I really mean in the end—would've fit the Wildboyz style to the tee. Missed opportunity or future prospect? You be the judge.

(Photo by Cordell Mansfield; Russia 2005)

warning: dildos can be threatening

dickhouse productions — Tue, 21 May 2013 10:40:11 -0700

Up until now I've only really known two people who have experienced threatening dildo incidents. Both are well documented and known far and wide to all that have witnessed the spectacle of stupid that is and forever will be jackass 3D. The first, Johnny Knoxville, took a dildo hard—so hard—in the tooth that it did some genuine dental damage; the other, Rick Kosick, willingly sat in the line of dildo bazooka fire in a half-ass yet high-speed camera homage to William Tell's famed apple of yore, and paid a small ice pack price for doing so in the end. Throughout the history of time I am sure there are many other cases of dildos gone or done physical wrong, but this—the case of a man receiving a threatening 8-inch dildo in the mail—makes me really appreciate the absurd world we live in today. Here is yet another amazing news broadcast from the land of the free and the home of the brave:

To see photos of the actual 8-inch threat received by Ralph Polnicky: http://gawker.com

(Photos by Sean Cliver; 2010)

eat a dick? ship a dick!

dickhouse productions — Mon, 20 May 2013 10:43:49 -0700

Looking for that special something for that special someone who is all out of dicks and so lost without one? Ship a dick! The latest cardboard craze that's erecting cardboard sensation around the nation. Or something full and chubbed out like that. Despite all Bam-ish brand appearances/proportions from jackass number two, we are in no way affiliated with said dick-shipping company, but when it comes to dicks we have nothing but (butt!) love to share. So whether you prefer them in bowls, buckets, or ye olde ports of classic entry afore and aft, ship a giant cardboard dick today: http://www.shipadick.com/products/

P.S. Double the ribbed pleasure and double down on a quality Dickhouse garment for extra dicky derring-do: http://www.merchmethod.com/dickhouse

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Florida 2006)

turbonegro in the usa!

dickhouse productions — Fri, 17 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Before I go on about the impending Turbonegro tour in the USA, I just want to say that while typing out this post's title my fingers misstapped and created the word "turbonegroin". I'm not sure how that would be defined by Oxford English Dictionary standards, but I like it. I like it a lot. But not as much as I like the fact that Turbonegro is about to drench the USA in bloody good music. Check the dates and places below to see if you're geographically desirable to rendezvous with their anus:

Saturday, May 18 - Irving Plaza, New York City, NY (with Dirty Fences)
Sunday, May 19 - Double Door, Chicago, IL (with Mount Carmel)
Monday, May 20 - Ogden Theatre, Denver, CO (with The Dwarves)
Wednesday, May 22 - Ace of Spades, Sacramento, CA (with Torche)
Thursday, May 23 - The Observatory, Santa Ana, CA (with Torche)
Friday, May 24 - House of Blues, San Diego, CA (with Torche)
Saturday, May 25 - El Rey Theatre, Los Angeles, CA (with Tweak Bird)
Sunday, May 26 - Punk Rock Bowling, Las Vegas, NV (with Devo, The Damned, The Weirdos, Flag and more)

happy birthday to taco!

dickhouse productions — Thu, 16 May 2013 11:33:41 -0700

Here I was trying to work in a Chronic Tacos quip for Wee Man's birthday post, when all I had to do was wait until Lindsey popped in to tell me it was Taco's birthday, too. Talk about having both birthday birds in a ROYGBIV bush and being able to eat your cake, too! Plus it gives me a chance to keep up Loiter Squad birthday appearances on Dickhouse with yet another thematically on point midget funny car shot. Happy Birthday, Taco!

(Photo by Lindsey Shupe; 2012)

happy birthday to wee man!

dickhouse productions — Thu, 16 May 2013 10:57:01 -0700

Like your eggs sunny side up? How about Wee Man downtown Hindi brown? Whatever your tanned ham pleasure, we're sure you'll join us in wishing Wee Man a "Happy Birthday!" because that's just the kind of celebratory out of the canal and into the world day it is.

(Photos by Sean Cliver; India 2006)

a portrait of johnny knoxville, by brian de leon

dickhouse productions — Wed, 15 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

I'm a firm and hard—so hard—believer in the six degrees of separation and here's why: One of our former co-workers, Michelle Klepper, best known for her guest appearance on the jackass television show as a "baby mama" to negligent father Johnny Knoxville, her father is an art instructor, and he had a former student that did a portrait of Knoxville. See where this is going? Good, because I lost track—rather bad case of the stupids, you know. Anyway, one person contacted the next, contacted the next, contacted, the next, and the next thing you know Brian De Leon is standing in the Dickhouse offices and presenting Knoxville with the framed portrait—a damn fine portrait, I might add, too. Apparently he's done quite a few portraits of other famous types and you can check out his work (and corresponding photos with the actual subjects) on his website: http://beezartworks.blogspot.com

everybody poops... even newscasters!

dickhouse productions — Tue, 14 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Okay, this one has been around a while, but what better place for wrong butt stuff to be adopted, right? Right. The language alone tells you something is bound to be slipping down the poop chute sooner or later, and my god if it doesn't come with the explosive quickness when it does. As always, this reminds me of the warm and fuzzy time Dave England shat the van during the filming of jackass the movie in 2002. It's a well known fact his tummy doesn't handle south of the border combos that well, and our usual lags in production let him stall out far too long in the danger zone while the hardware store was being scouted and plotted for toilet pranking purposes. Granted, his being tickled and jabbed in the van by a feisty Jeff Tremaine didn't help matters much, and when the backfire came it had both bark and bite, like any well hung and no longer containable shart. Lucky for all Dave was wearing pants then. I mean, can you even imagine the pooey level of devastation had he gone Ol' Faithful while having his gooch stimulated? Talk about pop music, Armageddon, and handbaskets all rolled into hellish one!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Portland, Oregon 2002)

photo of the day: jason jessee

dickhouse productions — Mon, 13 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Last Thursday was not "Bring A Legendary Pro Skateboarder To Work Day" at the Dickhouse offices, but that thankfully didn't stop Scott Manning from bringing by none other than Jason Jessee himself. I'm not sure who was more happy to be in this photo—Jason or us—but we made Manning take a bunch of shots on almost all of our cameras (and every single one was a tad soft, but I guess it's not fair to hate the player *cough* Scott *cough* when it just may be the iPhone game in the end). Keeping up our old Big Brother quotes tradition, Jason did have this to say about several of Scott's early photo attempts: "My knees are showing … it looks corny."

(Photo by Scott Manning; 2013)

season finale of loiter squad this sunday night!

dickhouse productions — Fri, 10 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

We're not at that stage in the decline of western civilization where "black metal face" is considered to be non-kosher, correct? Good. Because the world needs black metal face to keep white metal face in check. Yeah, you know the who and the what I'm referring to, that's right. What's wrong though, is that this episode will mark the end of Loiter Squad's second season on Adult Swim. You can always go to the Adult Swim online library of past clips to pick, choose, and re-view from, but until the fat lady sings or the deaf mute poops, whichever comes first, peace!

(Photo by Lindsey Shupe; 2012)

happy birthday to lionel boyce!

dickhouse productions — Thu, 09 May 2013 14:06:51 -0700

It's only fitting if not entirely thematic that we continue a previously non-existant Loiter Squad birthday tradition of presenting said celebrants on plastic car toy vehicles of unintended destruction. The first was Tyler the Creator's, but today's is all Lionel, give or take a few other bodies, e.g. Andy Bell and Tyler, and who knows whose is next. Exciting! Whee! Happy Birthday, Lionel!

(Photo by Lindsey Shupe; 2012)

everybody poops... even whales and wildboyz!

dickhouse productions — Thu, 09 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

In an unexpected turn, things are about to get very brown in downtown Dickhouse for the rest of the week. That said, everybody poops, whales and Wildboyz, too, but I'll be shit-whipped if I couldn't find a single pooey photo in the entire Wildboyz archive. I know, my anus is as flabbergasted as yours, considering feces were one of the creative cornerstones of the franchise. Not a nugget was to be found, however, so I had to opt for the next best thing: this seeming mash-up of Chris Pontius's alter-egos, Garbage Man and Chico Fiesta, unconventionally yet somehow appropriately garbed in jeans. The very idea of Chris in pants is wrong to begin with—he's a natural born shorts wearer—but it works, what with the creeping thong and shirtless torso. In Mexico, no less! But it's true: whales do poop. And boy oh boy what poops they are! Just try on these oceanic shit slicks for size: http://news.discovery.com

(Photo by Barry Smoler; Mexico 2005)

inflatable poo for you to view

dickhouse productions — Wed, 08 May 2013 08:00:00 -0700

Lord knows I wonder about a lot of random shit about shit, but what if when Mike Judge was running air up Preston Lacy's bottom during the "Butt Bellows" segment from jackass 2.5, he actually inflated a lump of poo in Preston's intestine? I mean, that would have been really interstine, right? Anyway, if it had happened, I'm guessing—no, make that wishing, it would have looked something awesome and huge like this fecal-inspired art installation currently on display over in Hong Kong of all places:

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, California 2006)