The Amazing Adventures of Dietgirl

Better living through The Baby-Sitters Club

2009-11-20T14:04:43+00:00

The thing I miss least about being a kid is all that longing to be someone else. Oh to be anyone but grotty swotty ginger-haired me!

Like many younguns, I found my escape in books, particularly The Baby-sitters Club series. I didn't want to join the Babysitters Club so much as I wanted to shed my own skin and be one of 'em. I deliberated over whom I aspired to be; which one I most resembled. Kind of like the shrieks of some women in the late 90s: OMG I'm totally a Carrie! No I'm the Carrie! You're the Miranda! Except less fecking annoying.

When I was ten I wanted to be Stacey. She was so cool, hailing from New York City and all. She also had diabetes. Every time I was busting for the loo I'd think, Dude I must be getting the diabetes like STACEY!

Then I had a Dawn phase. She had blonde hair cascading right down to her bum. I went for a haircut and the lady wanted to give me a bob. I said "sure!" then instantly died inside. CRAP, I was sposed to be growing my hair like Dawn's!

And of course there was my favourite, Claudia. Artist and master accessoriser. We had nothing in common but the desire to stash candy under our beds.

I thought long and hard about this stuff, I tell you. Here is a handy chart to summarise my pre-teen ponderings: (click pic to view full size)

The only BSC character I actually had anything in common with was Associate Member Mallory Pike - she had red hair, was insecure about her appearance and wanted to be a writer. But she was also very annoying. And she liked to read horse stories. Horse stories! I did not want to align myself with that.

In my research I found out that after I bailed out of the series, Mallory got an Australian boyfriend named... BEN HOBART. I will be bwahahaha-ing over that morsel for months.

Tea, coffee and biscuits provided

2009-11-15T23:25:36+00:00

A flyer whooshed through the door this week for the local Fitness & Friendship Club. Check out the bicep on this smiley face!

The F&F Club is basically fitness classes held in various community halls. But it's not all about sweating...

There are few phrases in this world that give more comfort and joy than TEA, COFFEE AND BISCUITS PROVIDED!

Alas there were no refreshments at Squad Training this morning. "Squad training" is what our coach calls convincing all us kickboxing dames to get up early on a Sunday* for three hours of torturous activity:

One hour of running
One hour of old-school exercises (cardio/strength mixed up in painful ways, stuff like squats to burpees to jack jumps, punches, evil push up variations, evil ab moves, etc etc etc)
One hour of sparring... pow!

Followed by collapsing into a pile of whine for as many hours as you please.

(It feels rather nice to be part of a squad, I have to say. We are getting team hoodies and everything. With our name printed on them!)

* UPDATE: Just to clarify in response to some emails, this is not something we do every Sunday! It's 3-4 times a year, tops! Most Sundays I am lounging around watching the MotoGP.

Instead of running outside, today we did an hour-long cardio machine circuit in the gym. I hate running, but cardio machines rank even higher on my CardioSucksOMeter. But this session was actually quite cool! We only had to do five minutes on each machine, so just when you were starting to foam at the mouth with rage, you could disembark and move to the next machine.

I need to do more cardio, so this might be something to adopt for the winter. Maybe a 30-45 minute circuit, some groovy tunes on the iPod... it would be over before you can say how the hell do you work this fecking stair machine. Of course I'd have to do it when the gym was quietish so my machine-hopping wouldn't be too annoying.

I can feel my body seizing up from today's efforts. Ow ow ow. But it was goooood... exercise has been helpful this week. Last week it was a messy, weeping my way through every class sort of affair. So onward and upward, dear pals.

Any cardio nerds out there curious about the circuit we did, I'll post it in the extended entry :)

Cardio circuit: 5 minutes on each machine, upping the intensity for the last two minutes of each one. In no particular order - we all just had to jump on a machine and go!

Recumbent bike - with high resistance
Treadmill 1 - walk or run with 7.5% incline
Treadmill 2 - walk with 15% incline (or run if you are insanely fit like some of my friends. dang!)
Treadmill 3 - no incline, run like hell (i walked like hell; crappy knee)
Treadmill 4 - fast walk (alleged recovery)
Cross trainer - 2.5 mins forwards, 2.5 mins backwards
Stair machine (never saw this machine before! like an escalator - steps keep coming at you!)
Some other weird stepping machine - where you had to do tiny wee toddler-tantrum stomps
Yet another bloody breed of stepping machine - trudging up a mountain kind of steps
Stationery bike - pedal like mad
Rowing machine - set to highest level, speedy as possible for last two minutes
Arc trainer - holding dumbbells instead of the handles!

Two Fit Chicks Episode 04, featuring the Weight Zapper 5000!

2009-11-09T11:32:13+00:00

I am so bloody excited about today's new episode of Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone, least of all because I FINALLY got things working so that if you listen to the show on a iPod or iPhone or other video contraption, you will see our logo on your screen! GEEKGASMS AHOY!

This podcast almost didn't happen as when we went to record on Saturday my new microphone refused to work and I chucked a wee tantrum, but we carried on and it was rockin' good fun! It's great to have a new project to sink your teeth into. I love the planning, the collaborating, the chatting, the hours of nerdy editing. Three cheers for MizFit Carla for being such a good partner in crime. If anyone out there is tuning in, I hope it's okay for you too :)

Today we answer a megaload of your questions: how not to quit, staying positive, body weight workouts; should I eat breakfast?

Tangents include: secondhand advice from an Everest climber, Carla and I discover a mutual loathing of kayaking, and dealing with PR emails.

» Click here to check it on TwoFitChicks.org!

Ranting Orangutan follow-up

2009-11-09T10:56:01+00:00

Hello dear groovers! I just wanted to follow up on Friday's Ranting Orangutan entry. This time I know it's not the blues or a bad day or Seasonal Affective Disorder (unless it's of the quattro stagioni variety!). It's not about houses or hormones or a terrible secret illness. Nor is anyone having a torrid affair, but thank you for the theories and diagnoses! :)

Most of all I know it's not about weight or food. They are more like symptoms. Or what Martha Beck calls your designated issue - the go-to surface issue that you distract yourself with when you're trying to skirt around something deeper. I need to stop tinkering around the edges and face things I've buried for many years.

Blogging as therapy is sort of okay when you're 23 and completely anonymous with two readers. But when you're 32 (eep!) with your entire family, boss and landlord aware of your blog, it's not a wise or appropriate tactic. I need to seek proper help and open up to those closest to me.

I want to say a massive thank you for your comments and emails. Not just for the Ranting Orangutan, but all of your words and stories and support over the years. Thanks everyone who has plundered the archives or read that pesky book. I love this blogging lark and the community - the Two Fit Chicks podcast has reignited the love in a huge way and it feels good to be all giddy again!

So I'm not closing up shop on Dietgirl and I'll update on this topic, but I need to be a grown-up here and deal with things in a more quiet and mature way.

Shauna xxox

It ain't just a river

2009-11-06T13:22:51+00:00

There is a mutant breed of Positive Thinking that is called Denial.

Like if you decide to focus on the many many many great things in your life, and ignore the black cloud that's hovered over for months and months.

Or if you write selectively about that one good day or that one cool thing that happened, and forget about the twenty good days that didn't happen because you were hiding from your friends and eating toast on the couch instead.

Or if you focus on that one kick-arse kickboxing class you did this week, and ignore the five sneaky chocolate bar wrappers in your handbag.

Or if you tell yourself you really love this dark baggy daggy sweater, it's not because you want to be invisible. You were never one for dressing up all foxy-like anyway!

Or if you smile when a colleague comments on your Ultra Healthy Lunch, even though you're contemplating a cupcake run as you fork in the lettuce.

Or if you admit to your excellent husband, I feel as low and hopeless and lost as I did way back when I was 350 pounds... but since you're fitter than ever and your clothes still fit (ish) and chairs don't collapse beneath you, you've got nothing to whine about really!

Or if you've fancied writing a ranty blog entry about feeling awful, but don't do it because you know you have no real reason to feel awful and you'll get a Get Over Yourself email from a stranger, and what's the point because after all you're only One Good Day away from feeling fantastic again!

But how bad do things have to get before it's bad enough? How rubbish do you have to feel before you treat yourself with some kindness and self respect again? Does it have to be an extreme like morbid obesity or can't-leave-the-house-depression before you DO something?

Dude! You can tell yourself that you're a Glass Half Full person but if the glass is full of crap, that's not a very appetising beverage.

Happy Halloween!

2009-11-01T08:47:19+00:00

We carved the homegrown micropumpkins.

The Great Lanterns

2009-10-29T23:36:31+00:00

Our beginner's luck in the garden has run out. I should have known better than to crow about the tomatoes and salad leaves so much!

Gareth had carefully nurtured three pumpkin plants from the seed packet with a view to carving his very own pumpkins this Halloween. They were truly thriving for awhile there but I think we started the process about 2.5 months too late so now we've run out of daylight hours for them to grow.

So here are the results of the pumpkin harvest with a matchstick for scale!

Maybe we'll draw some faces on 'em with markers and they can spook the sparrows.

I've never been one to apologise for not blogging because it sounds bloody ridiculous, like you're some sort of media baron with slobbering fans are hovering by the computer clicking reload all day long when in reality everyone has 100 other blogs to read not to mention jobs and lives and stuff. But my efforts this month have been shambolic and I just wanted to say it's not because I'm wildly busy and/or have nothing to say; I do, but I can't seem to get the words out in the right order. I've got three drafts on the go of equal rubbishness. I'll have another crack on the weekend.

Hope you all have a rockin' weekend!

I struggle with the technology

2009-10-27T21:43:16+00:00

Hello! If there is anyone out there who subscribed to the Two Fit Chicks podcast in iTunes over the past month or so, you may not have automagically received the latest episode because... well, I'm not quite sure. I was trying to add a picture to our iTunes listing and I tweaked the title so it used the word and and not an ampersand (&) and I think that screwed it all up.

So if you Unsubscribe from the podcast, then search for us again in iTunes or click this link, then re-subscribe, it seems to fix it!

This is the Podcast Help Desk equivalent of Turn The Computer Off Then Turn It Back On Again.

Thanks Diana for the heads up :)

Honestly! Podcasting tip: If you're going to badger people to listen to your amateur productions you should really get the fundamentals sorted first.

Episode 03 - Two Fit Chicks and a Microphone Podcast

2009-10-26T09:04:42+00:00

There's a new podcast episode today! And unlike Episode 2, this one didn't take 14 hours to edit because I finally managed to record the audio properly. Woohoo!

The theme this week is goals. How do you approach them? How do you make 'em happen? How do you make sure they're not quietly abandoned like the great knitting project of 1987 or that bloody Hundred Push Ups Challenge?

» Click here to listen to the podcast on the official site, TwoFitChicks.org

Give me a shout if you have any problems listening to it, if you should feel so inclined to listen, that is.

Another entry tomorrow, and I promise there won't be too much bitching about the end of Daylight Saving and this crippling darkness, even though it's an annual blogging tradition.

Fitness Fantasies

2009-10-12T18:35:53+01:00

I want to know about your fantasies. Tell me every filthy detail!

Don't worry, this site hasn't been hijacked by a sleazy spammer! I am talking about fitness fantasies.

You know how people say, "well it's all very well for Oprah with her personal chef and trainers and all!" blah blah blah. Well let's just pretend we're in an alternate universe in which money and time are no object. In terms of fitness and healthy livin', anything is possible. Anything at all. Nothing is too ridiculous.

What would you do? Who would you like to meet? Where would you go? What would you purchase? What would you like to try?

I would go on a poncy yoga retreat (for beginners) on an exotic island where you get massages and tropical fruits between the bendy classes.
A gym would open up at the end of my street with Body Jam, Body Pump, yoga, Pilates and spinning classes at times very convenient to me.
Just in case I couldn't be arsed walking to the end of my street, there'd be a magical home gym in my fantasy spare room. It would have one mirrored wall, gobs of free weights and kettlebells, a punching bag, a spinning bike, a treadmill and a cushioned floor so I bust some kickboxing moves. Oh oh oh and a widescreen wall-mounted telly to do workout DVDs.
I would visit Cathe Friedrich's gym in New Jersey and attend some of her classes.
I'd have a personal training session with Bob and Jillian here in Scotland. It would crack me up no end to walk up Dunfermline high street with Jillian Michaels and see her WTF-ing at Greggs The Bakers et al.
Before she nipped off back to LA, Jillian would make me a personal MP3 workout so I could do cardio with her yelling, LAST CHANCE WORKOUT, GINGER! I really need heavy-handed motivation when it comes to cardio.

Note to Jillian: have you considered selling downloadable audio workouts, a la iTrain or CardioCoach? So cheap to produce, so much less work than that fancy WiiFit stuff!
I would have a wardrobe makeover with a crack team of fashion experts, They would bring the clothes to me as shops make me grumpy.
I would have an Access All Areas pass to the London 2012 Olympics. Just to watch, mind. No athletic delusions here.
I would have a column in a mag like Zest or Self for which I'd be obliged to try a different and wildly expensive sport every month and it would pay so handsomely I wouldn't have to do anything else.
I would have an endless supply of ultra-flattering Ellie Gray contour gym pants.
And non-skanky quality gym t-shirts.
And it would be great if they could all be self-laundering.
I would have an endless supply of TJ's Crunchy Roasted Almond Butter.
I would have a massive vegetable garden where everything always grew properly. There'd be delicious selection of baby salad greens growing all year round regardless of neglect and snails.
Someone would invent a bra as effective as the Enell but not in that creepy fabric.
I would have the Mother of All Fitness Gadgets strapped to my wrist. Stylish heart rate monitor GPS route planner barcode scanner MP3 player Swiss Army Knife... that's another post altogether.
I would posses a gym bag that can actually contain all of my kickboxing sparring gear PLUS my yoga mat... so on Monday night everyone at kickboxing can stop making the "Whoa, are you going camping again?" jokes every time I tumble into the room like a packhorse

I could go on all day but I will spare you.

Dr G has shared his fantasies too:

To be totally fit and buff without any effort and/or drug abuse on my part to avoid putting on my annual "winter coat" of lard.
To be able to consume copious amounts of real ale, crisps and chips with curry sauce without any effect on my waistline.
To have time and health to complete all 283 Munros, including overcoming vertigo to do the really dodgy ones.

This post was inspired by the amazing Angie of You Look Fab who recently wrote about her fashion fantasies.

So... do you have any fitness fantasies that you want to share? Please be as elaborate, wild and unrealistic as you like. The wackier the better!