And now for a humorous look at the news of the day.

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Specifically, it's time for a project involving vampires. I am working on a project and I am looking for your input. I would like you to pretend for a few moments that vampires actually exist and tell me what questions you would ask a vampire if you could interview one for a national television news magazine type show.

The Setting:

You work as a reporter / on camera personality for a major news magazine type show like 20/20, 60 Minutes, Etc. This is your one chance to break the story with the truth about vampires as told by a vampire who has agreed to tell all in an on camera interview with you on condition that you conceal his identity by altering his voice and only showing him as a silhouette.

What questions would you ask in this "Story of the century" that will earn you the Pulitzer you've been after for years?

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No, I'm not talking about an odd musical group of guys painted blue.

The blue man is a lifelong resident of Nutjob Hills (who by the way, has never gone anywhere else.). The big thing about him is that he is totally obsessed with the color blue. Other than that, he's a perfectly normal guy. He goes to work five days a week, has a girlfriend, watches sports, has a few beers once in a while and so on.

The quirk is, as I've said, his complete obsession with blue. It is so strong that in some way or another everything about him has some facet that is blue. He only wears blue suits, his shades have a deep blue tint. He will only carry a blue cross blue shield Blue Advantage health insurance plan. His favorite drink is blue raspberry, His car is an older model two tone turquoise over navy blue.

On the weekends he'll get out a lawnmower that he personally painted blue (with blue boy paint of course) and mow his lawn which is exclusively Kentucky Bluegrass. When he's done with that he'll relax in a blue plastic lawn chair and listen to the blues while he eats a slice of blueberry pie. He's usually not one to have pets although last year he did keep a neighbor's blue heeler when they went on vacation.

Once in a great while he will allow some other color to be the primary in something's appearance but that's really rare. Literally only once in a blue moon. And of course, when somebody fails at something he'll be the first one to tell them that they blue it.

His house is blue with dark blue trim. He actually owns and wears several pairs of blue suede shoes (well, only one pair at a time). His favorite songs include Blue Christmas, and Don't it make my Brown Eyes Blue. He also has every title from the Blue Man Group.

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With the new school year starting up I suppose I should have expected it and to be sure, I did expect a little of it but certainly not to the degree that this is shaping up to be. I get to play "neighborhood tech support guy" again. I just wish that I would be asked instead of informed.

Every year it happens to some degree or another. especially with the world pretty much having reached a point where computers in schools are no longer just a novel idea, they're essential. And while *I* don't quite see the need for kids in elementary school to be almost required to each have their own laptop computer it does seem to be the trend.

This year before the calls from frantic neighbors about their kid's computer not doing this or that right, I've already been asked to give some desktop computer reviews and laptop reviews so that some of these people can get a good idea of just what they need to get.

For example if a computer is to be used for school then it seems to me that the main focus is that it be inexpensive (things get damaged, lost and stolen way too easily) and have enough capability to do all that's going to be asked of it. Since it's for school purposes, it doesn't need to be a state of the art gaming machine while at the same time it needs to be at least reasonably modern even for elementary school.

On a selfish note, I am going to make it a point to list only machines that I can find plenty of documentation and online support and help forums for because I know that when little Johnny manages to infect his machine with malware because he just HAD to prove he could get past the school firewall and download porn, I am going to get a call from a frantic parent that only knows how expensive the computer was.

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In a video that had to do with some issues related to obese people I saw a comment by someone that said "I hate fat people" and then went on to rant about how all they (the fat people) need to do is to eat less and exercise more.

Normally I don't pay any attention to trolls like this but this guy crossed a line. Have a look at the video and if you agree with what I had to say to them please give it a thumbs up on youtube. Thanks.

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Yet another in what will probably be a long line of story ideas that I hope to someday develop into a script for a video of one flavor or another.

This one opens with a researcher in a lab working on what he hopes will be a new weight loss product, one that will be much more effective and safe than any yet developed, which will work for any of a dozen species in the Omentum nebula. Of course, there is an accident, he is exposed to a combination of the drug he's working on and an unusual form of radiation. The result is that when his hunger reaches a certain point he undergoes a metamorphosis into a strange creature with an immense appetite, far beyond that of normal humanoids.

The one big problem with this metamorphosis comes the most unusual weight problem ever. Regardless of what or how little he eats, he gains weight at an amazing rate. Because of this he cannot use normal contemporary furniture because frankly, there isn't a couch, chair or bed made that can hold him for long because his weight can reach as high as 2,000 pounds in the space of only a few days.

As his weight increases so does his hunger and in the space of two days he ends up eating enough food to feed a dozen normal people for a month. It starts out slowly enough, with normal portions, however once his hunger reaches a certain point he transforms into a veritable eating machine and consumes food faster and faster until, after two to three days he is finally sated and falls asleep. When he awakens, he is once again his old self.

He then starts to shed the pounds almost as fast as he put them on. Over time he finds that if he can take in enough food while he's normal then the change will not happen. The key is to not allow his hunger to get too strong. Once it does all bets are off.

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It's taken me far longer than I wanted but it's finally done. Part 2 of "Star Trek Parody: Phat Trek 'The Blob'" is completed and live on youtube.

I'm hoping that it won't take nearly so long to make future installments as it did to make this one. I had to re-create a bunch of stuff from scratch and that, along with being sick for the larger part of a week, slowed things down considerably.

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Why would anyone want to track a salesman? There are many reasons really. For example the company he works for would be interested in his activities such as where he goes and how long he stays there. That information could be useful in finding out what makes him either an exceptionally good salesman or an exceptionally bad one just by knowing where he spends most of his time.

However my reason is much simpler. I want to keep track of this guy because he's a menace to decent people everywhere. I've tried several ways and found most of them to be either too invasive and tricky to pull off or simply too time consuming. Finally I ended up turning to Mr. Helpful (You don't know how much I hated doing THAT!) for ideas because he's just as suspicious of this guy as I am.

He came up with something truly unique. Seems he's got a case of promotional pens from a local entrepreneur, a Mr. Horn. S. Waggle, who made his fortune in sales many years ago. He got out a box of twelve dozen of them and took the time to put a tiny beacon transmitter in the body of each one of them. They're rigged so that every time the pen is clicked to bring out the ball point and write, the transmitter is activated. The signal is picked up by several receiving stations located around town and by triangulating based on the relative signal strength and direction at each one the location of the pen can be determined fairly accurately.

He then arranged for him to meet Mr. Waggle (who was in on the caper and loved the idea). During the course of that meeting Waggle found an excuse to give him the box of pens.

It didn't take long for the plan to start showing results. One of the things that Pushy likes to do is give a pen to whom ever he is trying to talk into a sale. I've got a few of his old ones myself (not the transmitters). So now we are building a map of not only his travels, but we're finding it easier to identify the people he's been making his pitch to, which will allow concerned people who have a clue to attempt an intervention to keep them from spending hideous amounts of money for stuff that they don't need and in fact doesn't work as advertised.

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This is another of the shows that I've enjoyed in the past, Forever Knight. It's the story of Nicholas Knight, who became a vampire in the 1200's and now in Modern day Vancouver, is working as a police detective and wanting very much to find a way to become human again.

Oh. I almost forgot. He could twist that twilight wussyvampire's head clean off.

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Late last may I uploaded a youtube video, The Practical Joker a Star trek Rickroll slash parody, which I entered into a contest held by Youtube user Hamenterainment.

It is now time to determine the winner. The way he's doing this is by having people vote for their favorite entry in the comments.

I would be really grateful to everybody who would be so good as to click on this link and go to the voting video on youtube and then, leave a comment on that video voting for Tinfoilchefdotcom.

I promise it'll only take a minute or so. Less if you are already logged in to youtube!

Thanks!

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