All the major players on converging on one location, so things are heating up. However, I still can’t tell what everyone’s plans are. I am barely able to form opinions about whether certain players are “good” or “bad.” And some characters that seem to be good also seem to be being used by “bad” forces beyond their control.

If only I had the proper time to chug through this.

When I first came in, the trainer asked me about my goals. I told him I wanted to improve my strength, lung capacity, and flexibility. He also asked about my fitness history and any health issues that might come up.

Then the tests:

• The cardiovascular test was supposedly a measure of VO2max, but that test is normally performed with a breathing tube while treadmilling to exhaustion. Instead, I just put on a heart monitor and lay still for about 5 minutes. The measure was based on heuristics with my resting heartrate as the starting point. I got 48.0 ml/kg/min, “moderate” for my age bracket. (I expected lower, but this result might be because of the cardio I had been doing this week.)
• The strength test was performed by doing a bicep curl with a bar that is attached to a scale. I got 75.0 pounds, “fair” for my age bracket.
• The flexibility test was performed by holding a handle with a string while doing a sit and reach. I got 9.3 inches, “low” for my age bracket.
• The body composition test was a seven-site caliper test. I got 28.4% body fat, “high” for my age bracket. (I expected a higher body fat measure, but that was based on estimations based on comparing my picture to others.)
• The nutrition test was a twelve-question survey about nutrition habits. I averaged 2.6 on a 1–5 scale (below average).
• The trainer also measured my height, weight, neck, shoulders, chest, waist, abdomen, hips, biceps, forearms, thighs, knees, and calves, but those do not seem to weigh into my BodyAge.

The final analysis:

I have a BodyAge of 33 compared to my actual age of 28. That means that I am as fit as the average 33-year-old male. (I wonder about their study sample.)

The program recommendations, prioritized by effect on my BodyAge: lower body fat percentage, improve flexibility, improve cardiovascular score, improve strength, improving nutrition habits. So basically, the goals I had already laid out for myself.

We did have to put the concepts together into a very basic dice game, but I hope that’s not what they meant when they said I would be working on a game by the end of the first month. It was a just a random number generator with weighted results — 1s get you 0 “points” while doubles get you bonus “points.” There was no user input to speak of.

Hashing, which is short for Hash House Harriers. It’s an old British colonial game the redcoats would play to get over hangovers. Basically, one person is a “hare” and has a head start on a race. The hare leaves scraps of paper (or chalk marks) as a trail for the “hounds” (other players) to follow. It used to be trail running but some groups do urban courses now. There is no fitness requirement because the fast hounds have to slow down to check the trail and so everyone has a fair chance. The best part is that these events usually stop at a pub for the midpoint and always end at one for the finish line.

So it’s a children’s game with beer as a prize. How can you not be excited about that? I don’t think I can do the one tomorrow, but who’s down to check out an upcoming hash with me?

Or find one in your area with this site.