from umslobby.org

Last night, I was able to attend a performance of the Tony Award-winning musical FELA! at the Murphy Fine Arts Center on the campus of Morgan State University in Baltimore, Maryland. Massive love to Kanyecha of Gypsy Soul Events- I won the 2 tickets to the show last Sunday at her Fela Forward event celebrating the opening of FELA! in Baltimore.

Two tickets! So I got Kellie to come along and we really enjoyed the show! It inspired so much thought in me I figured I needed to drop a few personally poignant gems here:

The Queens: Those women were INCREDIBLE dancers. Breath-taking. I was mesmerized. Beautiful. And for me, they lend even more credence to the power of Regular Black Girls I see who Twerk, who are the Clappas and the Booty Bounce experts, whether they do it on a pole, at show or in a video.

photo from broadway.com

Funmilayo Kuti, Nigerian teacher, feminist, political activist & Fela’s Mother: The importance of Fela’s Mama to him, even after her death gave me LIFE. In the play Fela sought guidance from her wisdom when he was in the midst of crisis and making a great decision, through a surreal spiritual journey. The influence and power of Mothers/Other Mothers in African diasporic cultures cannot be denied, which flies in the face of everything we see portrayed about Black mothers/motherhood. Historically, we are revered. Let’s act like we know that’s our Truth for real.

I left the performance last night affirmed, REAFFIRMED, as a Black woman who is a mother and likes to shake a tail feather when the beat moves me.

For those of you in/around/near the DC Metro Area, Fela! will be playing at the Murphy Fine Arts Center at Morgan State University through this Sunday, May 20, 2012. Go check it out if you can.

~pbg

I recently received a book recommendation from my favorite contemporary author, Bernice L. McFadden. “Auntie Bernice” (as I so affectionately call her now) writes books that bring to life my favorite literary themes: family, Black women, history, spirituality and love. My mom gave me a copy of “The Warmest December” some years ago and I was hooked. I have since read every novel Bernice L.McFadden has written. When her new books are announced, I pre-order them and delve into the story as soon as the book is in my hand. Yes, she is just that great of a writer. One of the most incredible storytellers we have nowadays.

Well, this particular book, a novella entitled “My Name Is Butterfly”,  was released as an eBook for Kindle users and is an outrageous bargain at only $0.99.

From the Bernice L. McFadden newsletter:

“From National Bestselling, critically acclaimed, award winning author Bernice L.McFadden comes the story of Abebe “Butterfly” Tsikata. Abebe experiences plenty of joy in Ghana as the privileged daughter of a government employee and stay at home mother. The love that her parents and extended family lavish her with knows no bounds. When the Tsikata’s idyllic life style begins to take a turn for the worse, Abebe’s father places a nine-year-old Abebe in a shrine, hoping that the sacrifice of his daughter will serve as religious atonement for the crimes of his ancestors. Unspeakable acts befall Abebe for the fifteen years she is enslaved. When Abebe is finally released back into the world and finds herself not only dealing with the newness of Ghana, but also the fast-paced world of New York, she is broken—emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, and spiritually. But to live the rest of her years on earth, she must learn to overcome her past, endure familial secrets, and learn to love herself—the good and the bad.”

Check it out!

I downloaded and read this book myself. It was absolutely stellar. Ms.McFadden sets the horrors of modern day child sex slavery against the beautiful backdrop of Ghana. The story is so emotionally palpable, it will move you to tears like it did for me. It’s both gorgeous and heart-wrenchingly tragic at the same time, but ends triumphantly. It was a story that I just could not put down as it depicted a life and a world that I could never have imagined that any human alive today could live through.

I highly recommend this book. If you have a Kindle or any kind of Amazon reading app for your phone or computer, get it and read it. You will thank Ms.McFadden for such an amazing story and you will thank ME for convincing you to read it.

~pbg

This past weekend, I was out on a date with my current beau. This was our 4^th date and the fourth time he had decided where we’d go and what we’d do. Anybody that knows me knows that I hate for decisions about what I will do, when I’ll do it and how it will be done to be made for me. That usually irritates me a bit or infuriates me immensely.  This time, after having picked the film we watched, where we would go for dinner & drinks after and how we’d get there, I was somewhere about midway between irritated and infuriated.

So, I did this thing I do when I get pissed off. I shut up about it, but acted out. I slightly turned my back to him and fiddled with my phone, gave him short, thoughtless responses when he attempted to engage me in conversation, if I bothered with anything more than “mmmhmm” at all.  I cut my eyes at him and allowed my negative feelings to fill up the space between us. This is a thing I do regularly and it has never really served me well. Outside of doing nothing to help me sustain healthy relationships, it affects me physically. I get tense, my tummy gets upset amy chest gets tight and it’s a little harder to breathe. I become very aware of my own heartbeat.

But something came over me this time. He had noticed the change in my demeanor and asked me “What’s wrong?” I sat beside this guy that I really like a lot and said to myself “Not this time. This behavior will not help and I like him. I need to just say something.”  So I did. I told him “I don’t like when decisions are made for me without asking me first. I feel discounted like my opinions or thoughts don’t matter. I don’t like feeling like that.” Simple, truthful and to the point.

In that moment, I felt those uncomfortable physical symptoms that come along with my negative behaviors that take the place of speaking up dissipate. Immediately.  The knots that had settled in my tummy unfurled and I felt lightness in my chest and exhaled deeply and I felt good. And that good feeling was not predicated on his reaction to my statement because like I said, that weight lifted itself as soon as I spoke up.

This made me think a lot about what we are doing to ourselves when we don’t speak to our own truth. How are we damaging our entire selves when allow negativity grow and fester within? Not only do we hurt our relationships and our own self-image, we hurt our bodies. Our very basic health and well being is compromised when we aren’t able to full express our emotions, whether it be because of self-limitation or from outside forces. I know a lot of what holds me back is my fears about how other people will react to me or even to the fact that I even have an opinion at all. I’m human and I have feelings and those feelings are expressed through opinions.  I’m human and my physical state of being reacts to my mental state of being. There are no parts of us that are disconnected from the other parts of ourselves.

When it comes to how I desired to be treated by others, it’s my responsibility to teach them what is acceptable.  Not only that, but acting out instead of speaking up does nothing to edify the relationship I hope to establish and the ones that I long to maintain.  Honoring myself first will keep me healthy and make honoring my relationships easier and more authentic. Isn’t that what we all need and want?

~pbg

I took a field trip Monday, “Easter Monday” which was the last day of Spring Break for me. I traveled to the wilds of P.G.County, Maryland (Temple Hills) to check out my very first “mega beauty supply store”. I took both Metrobus and train and made my way out to Beauty4U. My co-worker told me about this store when I asked her if she knew anywhere I could find kinky/afro-textured human hair for weaving. Because of reasons.

After trying unsuccessfully to get somebody to make this trip with me, I decided to go it alone. I just had to see this place for myself. And I did!

Beauty4U is a HUGE beauty supply store that is located in what used to a Circuit City electronics store before they folded a few years back:

Beauty4U is located at 3551 32nd Avenue Temple Hills, MD

I walked in the door and couldn’t get over how vast the space was. Not only is it very big, it’s shiny and clean. And for some odd reason, there is a white baby grand piano in there. No one was playing it…it’s just there.

It brightly lit and very well organized. All the like things were grouped together and there was a wide selection of EVERYTHING: styling tools, hair and skin products, makeup and costume jewelry. With the hair products, all the items under one brand-name where shelved together. That’s in sharp contrast to the beauty supply store that I frequent in my neighborhood, where all the products that do the same thing are displayed together. While I think that would make it easier for me to find stuff that I’m looking for, it was a wee-bit disconcerting to be looking at pomades, setting lotions and then BAM! A rogue relaxer shows up! LOL

As for their hair weave selection, it seemed to be ENDLESS. END.LESS. I really have not ever seen so much hair in one place in my life. There were so many colors, textures, lengths and brands…FROM THE WINDOWS TO THE WALLS! And they had everything from the cheapest drawstring ponytail to the kinky/afro-textured hair that I was hoping to find that was $100 per pack (I gotta save up for that hair, y’all!) There was so much hair spread out around the store, I didn’t get the impression that I’d get the special attention and help with my selections like I did when I bought wigs at Cambridge Beauty Supply last year. The sales associates/weave attendants were hard to find, but the quality of the hair I eventually checked out was pretty good.

There’s an empty salon space inside of Beauty4U so I assume at some point in the future, there will people in there doing hair.

Vacant salon space

One thing that completely PISSED ME OFF about this store is how much they jacked up the prices on the Shea Moisture products:

I'll stick to Target for this product.

Are they friggin’ kidding me?? Shea Moisture is one of my favorite hair care product lines and I pay $9.99-$11.99 for them at Target and even less when Walgreens.com is having a BOGO sale. Beauty4U actually had the nerve to price the Shea Moisture Purification Masque at $18. Needless to say, I cussed out loud when I saw that. Hmph.

To balance that out, I discovered that Beauty4U carries the much-sought after Jamaican Black Castor Oil that seems to be very effective for stimulating hair growth in problem areas like those troublesome edges.

I use it to help thicken and grow the hair around my edges and it has worked well for me. I’ve only been able to find it online, so it was cool to actually see it in a store with a decent price.

Here’s what I got from Beauty4U:

Soap, Edge Control, gel & some cheap (but VERY GOOD) conditioner

L.A. Colors eyeshadow-VERY inexpensive but you would not believe how pigmented this stuff is. I love 'em.

Those clips & tuck combs were $1.00 each.

some basic styling tools.

In conclusion, I’d say that my trek out to P.G. County to see what’s really poppin’ at Beauty4U, the mega beauty supply store. The product selection there is amazing, they carry both major lines and small lesser-known ones and the prices are pretty good. Of course, I don’t like that it’s so far away from my neighborhood but that part would have probably been more fun if I had someone to go out there with me. I also didn’t like that it felt so “impersonal”. I’m used to the intimacy of my neighborhood beauty supply store. I’d go back, but with a friend to justify the journey.

I can’t even describe how tired I am of seeing dudes across the Internet taking it upon themselves to join the Steve Harvey Apprenticeship Program. Oh, you haven’t heard of that? That’s the program in which by virtue of nothing more than their penises, men get up on their Social Media Soapboxes and dictate to all women far and wide within the reaches of their status update, what clothes they should or should not wear, what makeup they should or should not wear, how they should or should not wear their hair, how they should or should not talk, walk and have sex.

Did I say "I'm tired"?? Oh yes...so damn tired.

You know these guys. Their Facebook statuses usually begin with “Ladies…” and go on to tell “hoodrats” (and by “hoodrats”, they mean all of us dumb women) what to do with their vagina/leggings/false eyelashes. You can also catch them on Twitter starting and participating in trending topics like #RealWomen, #YourAHoeIf (yes, “your”) or #SidechickRules.

These are the men who strive to be the very next Steve Harvey, who has so famously told me and my sister-friends the world over to think like men and act like ladies…because that is the answer. These men don’t want to do anything more than touch the hem of Mr. Harvey’s tacky-ass garment. He’s their Great American Hero.

Well, I’m here to tell you wannabes…STFU. Shut the ENTIRE f*ck up. Nobody asked you. Really. None of us can construct a f*ck to give about your opinions about anything to do with us. You’re out of line and doing way too much and not enough, all at the same time.

Have a seat. You're not worthy.

And you know why you’re not worthy? I’ll tell you:

 “Everybody wanna be Steve Harvey but don’t nobody wanna wear the suit!”

You ain’t about that life. Not like your Uncle Steve. You would NEVER say the shyt you spew online about us straight to a woman’s face, not even the “hoodrats” because that would chip away at your already slim chances of getting laid. The women that you go out of your way to malign for sport (because we are CLEARLY taking these statements “too seriously” cuz y’all are” just playin’”) still hold in their eternal possession the glorious p*ssy that you are and will always be such a desperate slave for. YOU MAD??? Yep…you are.

"I am so very angry about my total lack of control in these women's life choices that I'm gonna malign them across the entire Internet via my social media outlets!"

At least Steve Harvey says it out loud, on the radio and on TV and in his book.  At least he’s getting’ paid (that’s important too, right?). You? You’re just spewing your daily nonsense to your combined 200 Facebook friends and Twitter followers. Nah bruh, you ain’t really tryna put on that suit.

A recent graduate of the Steve Harvey Apprenticeship Program & he wears the suit proudly.

And for the ladies I see co-signing the bullshyt, donating scholarship money to the Steve Harvey Apprentice Program, don’t think your collusion with patriarchy is getting you any points or Get Out of Ho’ Jail Free cards because it’s not. You are always just one hair weave, tight dress or red lipstick day away from being a target as well.

Fellas, your dickly advice was neither requested nor is it required for the validation or re-routing of any our existence.  Please know that we’re laughing at you often, in massive numbers. In groups. We will continue to wear what we please, go where we want and use our powerful vaginas in whichever way we see fit.  We will be just fine and YOU WILL DEAL, because quite frankly, you have no choice.

~pbg