Disaster On Heels

I Heart You Rachel Dratch, From Your BFF, Disaster

Disaster On Heels — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 15:15:31 +0000

First I just wanted to say “wassup girl!” It was soooo good to see you this weekend at The Second City. I thought we might get to hang out after your reading but I totally get you’re busy.

The Genius

Disaster On Heels — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 15:26:05 +0000

Yesterday the best thing happened. My Mac broke, which meant I had a legitimate excuse to go trolling for Geniuses. I put on my favorite red lipstick, packed my nerd-bait, and sauntered into the Apple store.

Me: Hello. I’m here to speak with a Genius.

Genius: Sure. I can help.

Me: Yes, but [...]

This Is The Pits

Disaster On Heels — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 14:35:14 +0000

Now that I’m newly single, I’ve thrust myself back into the abyss of online possibility. Line up the suitors: this Little Disaster has gone to market. Fortunately, it’s taken no time at all to start receiving love letters from near and far.

My most recent came from OKCupid:

hey-wow, you sure are beautiful [...]

The Write-Off

Disaster On Heels — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 15:30:17 +0000

It’s Tax Day today, and if you’re anything like me it means you put this off to the last possible minute. After unsuccessfully trolling for accountants on OKCupid last night, I eventually turned to TurboTax. Much like my grandma who always asks me why I didn’t bring someone home for Christmas, TurboTax also manages [...]

A Return to Roots

Disaster On Heels — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 14:43:17 +0000

One Saturday in November I got my hair done for the first time at the Kelly Cardenas salon. This would have been like any other day in November except it happened to be the day after I had gone on the most amazing first date ever. He was charming, he listened intently, he paid [...]

One Glove, One Heart

Disaster On Heels — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:16:05 +0000

No matter how you shake the snow globe, winter is problematic for single people. Cold weather not only signals the start of social hibernation, it also means it’s time to bundle up. Now, as a long-time resident of cold weather climates, I was forced to overcome my vanity long ago. From [...]

I’m a Fraunt!

Disaster On Heels — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 16:14:13 +0000

Newsfeed newsflash: my Facebook Wall is experiencing a curious case of Benjamin Button.

My friends’ status updates used to be accompanied by profile pictures of smiling faces in wedding gowns, but then suddenly, something strange happened. Seemingly overnight, all my friends’ profile pictures have turned into babies.

It’s a virtual regression epidemic, and as more [...]

Sugar Coated

Disaster On Heels — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 15:46:59 +0000

Marketing junk food to children is terrible. Marketing junk food to girls is even worse. It may seem like simple syrup fun when you're young, but take it from one who knows--it takes years to undo those sticky sweet illusions.

How to Shake a Stage Five Drunk

Disaster On Heels — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 20:07:25 +0000

Last night some friends and I went to The Happy Village. The Happy Village is great because it serves cheap beer, has an amazing patio, and is typically filled with apathetic hipsters who can’t be bothered to talk to you, so it serves as a safe haven from bad pickup [...]

A Disaster’s Guide to Fixin’ Shit

Disaster On Heels — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 15:57:07 +0000

As you know, I broke my bed. If I told you this happened in some freak sextastrophe, I would give you a high-five. But I would also be lying. I believe I first heard the distinctive “crack” after flopping backwards onto my bed in a dramatic “I’m too fat to fit in my jeggings” [...]