Disaster On Heels

One Glove, One Heart

Disaster On Heels — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 18:16:05 +0000

No matter how you shake the snow globe, winter is problematic for single people. Cold weather not only signals the start of social hibernation, it also means it’s time to bundle up. Now, as a long-time resident of cold weather climates, I was forced to overcome my vanity long ago. From [...]

I’m a Fraunt!

Disaster On Heels — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 16:14:13 +0000

Newsfeed newsflash: my Facebook Wall is experiencing a curious case of Benjamin Button.

My friends’ status updates used to be accompanied by profile pictures of smiling faces in wedding gowns, but then suddenly, something strange happened. Seemingly overnight, all my friends’ profile pictures have turned into babies.

It’s a virtual regression epidemic, and as more [...]

Sugar Coated

Disaster On Heels — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 15:46:59 +0000

Marketing junk food to children is terrible. Marketing junk food to girls is even worse. It may seem like simple syrup fun when you're young, but take it from one who knows--it takes years to undo those sticky sweet illusions.

How to Shake a Stage Five Drunk

Disaster On Heels — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 20:07:25 +0000

Last night some friends and I went to The Happy Village. The Happy Village is great because it serves cheap beer, has an amazing patio, and is typically filled with apathetic hipsters who can’t be bothered to talk to you, so it serves as a safe haven from bad pickup [...]

A Disaster’s Guide to Fixin’ Shit

Disaster On Heels — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 15:57:07 +0000

As you know, I broke my bed. If I told you this happened in some freak sextastrophe, I would give you a high-five. But I would also be lying. I believe I first heard the distinctive “crack” after flopping backwards onto my bed in a dramatic “I’m too fat to fit in my jeggings” [...]

Sea Biscuits

Disaster On Heels — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 16:25:53 +0000

10:00 am

Here’s a great date idea: It’s Saturday, it’s a beautiful fall day in Chicago, so let’s go sailing! I’ll wear my most favorite Patagonia jacket. You can wear your best Nantucket Reds. We’ll go meet at Belmont Harbor and cruise around on the lake and talk about things that we don’t know [...]

Guess Who’s Not Coming to Dinner?

Disaster On Heels — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 17:37:39 +0000

This one goes out to Christine, thanks for sharing this gem. This is an actual questionnaire she received while on match.com, and it’s so unbelievable I’ve just cut and pasted it here, along with my replies (in italics). The email goes like this:

We have been trying to get my boss to give us the [...]

Finally, A Fairytale I can Believe In

Disaster On Heels — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 18:07:22 +0000

I just can’t get enough of happy endings. Just ask Disasterella who, thanks to my staunch belief in princesses, received her very own pair of hooker shoes. (Hey, worked for Pretty Woman…)

So without further adieu, I introduce my newest favorite obsession, Belle. I like it when a princess can loosen up the [...]

High San Francisco!

Disaster On Heels — Wed, 07 Sep 2011 16:27:13 +0000

Let’s just say that while I do it often, I hate to fly. I always sit next to people who don’t respect the Arm Rest Demilitarized Zone and I spend the whole flight defending my personal space from germy arm invasion. Between that and the air filters that blast freezing [...]

Scent of A Woman

Disaster On Heels — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 18:07:40 +0000

It begins! This week I’ve received online dating emails from Disasters around the country, and it with great pleasure that I am able to respond. This OKC email was sent to me from a nice lady in Denver:

________________________________________________________
Hi there–

I am a boy with a small b…I [...]