5 hours later….. I woke up to the voice of my PA coming in to start her work!

And such has the day been.  Knitted a few rows on a beaded lace scarf I am working on, watched some on demand television on my laptop and tried my best to pretend I was among the living. I was just about to go back to bed for the night when I remembered that I had not done a blog entry for the day. doh!  I would really hate it if my failure in NaBloPoMo was due to my brain fog. That would be just too much.  If I do fail it will be for good reason – like because I have something better to be doing, such as knitting or painting my nails – not because I simply forget.  I will not let the brain fog win! No way.

Truthfully, I think that it is simply that I am too lazy.  It isn’t like I am usually doing anything important when I have ideas and thoughts, it is just that I don’t bother to write them down.  Either don’t take the time or convince myself that it wasn’t really that brilliant in the first place and why waste digital space with my chatter.  What I really need is not just a brain dictator, but a brain proofreader and editor.  Then I can just sit around having brilliant thoughts all day and have them appear, polished and prettied up for all to bask in my glory.  Someone get right on that, will ya?  The world is waiting to be dazzled.

And with that I am pleased to report – I have begun and am in for the long haul!  NaNoWriMo is ON!  As is NaBloPoMo in an attempt to hedge my bets.  I will do my best to succeed at both!

This morning, however,  I felt a bit sheepish about last night’s revision of my goal.  If the true idea is to push myself beyond my comfort zone, then blog posting is not going to accomplish that.  Yes, it will be a challenge for me to post every day for a month, but aside from giving myself a swift kick in the bum each day it isn’t too hard.  I mean, a blog post can be rambling and pointless or a simple account of one’s day.  No plot and character development required.  The whole point of the novel writing was to do something that I have always secretly wanted to do but had no bloody clue how to go about it.  While not the most consistent of bloggers, I do blog and have done so for several years on a handful of different blogs.  Not much of a stretch in the NaBloPoMo in terms of exploring unknown territory, though the battle with lazy posting habits is definitely one worth facing.

I am undecided as of this moment which of the two events I am going to participate in.  This blog post keeps me in the running should NaBloPoMo be the victor in my deliberations.  While I have not written yet for my novel, I still think that if I set my mind to it (and used lots of long descriptive sentences and flowery language) I could still reach 50,000 words by the end of the month.  I don’t think there is any rule that says you have to write every day for NaNoWriMo, just that you accomplish the amount of words.  Right???   Today will be another day that I don’t do any novel writing no matter what I decide.  My tummy has been less than agreeable to day and my neighbors were destroying their stairwell and bathroom (both on the side of the house with our shared wall)  with loud power tools all day.  Neither of these things is conducive to creative writing.  Unless of course you count the colorful language  that were uttered when stuff started falling off the shelves in my bathroom due to the vibrations of whatever it is my neighbors are doing.  Grrrrrrr….

Somehow, in a brief moment of delusion, I was convinced to participate in NaNoWriMo this year. Why? I have no clue. I have never written any fiction to speak of. All my writing is non-fiction with a small dabbling in prose. True fiction writing is completely unknown to me. Utterly and completely out of my comfort zone. I suppose that is why I agreed to it. For the personal challenge. Certainly not because I think I have the next great novel in me. Today is November 1st and I am supposed to start writing. Yet as of this moment I don’t have one character let alone a plot in mind. The only thing I can think of is sarcastically opening my story with the dreaded “It was a dark and stormy night…” I figure if I am going to write a bad novel, it might as well hit all the clichés and pitfalls of fiction writing. Go for the worst I can do so that I don’t fail. Set the bar low. But then the part of me that has kept me from doing many of the things I have wanted to do over my life (and I really do want to do this) which is my fear of not being fabulous on the first try (or ever) kicks in and I think that even writing a bad novel is too hard, too scary for me. I know the bookstores are filled with many great books, but in amongst them is also a bunch of crap. I envy the writers of crap who can do so with confidence and pride. How wonderful it must feel to have an impetus to do something and just get on to it without worry and second guessing.

Wish me luck in this. I will make an honest attempt at it, no matter how horrible it is. No – do not expect to read any excerpts from my story here or anywhere else. I will update on occasion as to my progress.

Have any of you written fiction? If so, where did the characters and plot come from? I feel like if I could get those basic ideas solidified that I could make a reasonable attempt at filling in the details. But how does one come up with a story to tell?

Knitting

Back to France again

Looking suspiciously like it was a phoney background

And other things. Lots of other things that I either didn’t take a picture of, or that I am not posting about today. There is enough of what I have been up to to make it possible for a few more posts. So much for thinking that being so very different than I ever imagined meant dull. Never a dull moment. And it seems like I have a knack of turning dull ones into meaningful ones in desperate escape from dull.

I’m trying to envision that this big dream that my darling and I have will be exciting and that it will come to pass. Things are just starting to crack open about what might be in the future. Unsure as always.

Being crafty and keeping busy. Making curtains for our bedroom this weekend. In the plans for well on a year. I move slowly at times. But never still. Knitting like a fool -gifts, trades, and just for fun. I could fill a couple days with nothing but knitting and still only have gotten a start on my list. Knit knit knit.

Several weeks ago I hired a Personal Assistant. Not as glamorous as it sounds, but oh so very helpful and is helping me find where I am able to contribute without worry that I will be exhausted. Gaining some independence, even if I am paying someone to help me be that way. Funny. Wonderful.

Just a quick note to welcome those of you who have come to my blog by way of the Unravelling course. You will probably notice that my last post was some time ago. I am somewhat of a sporadic blogger- okay, completely sporadic. This is indeed something that I am hoping to either remedy or reconcile through Unravelling. Please do return on occasion to see if I have been inspired to post and gotten off my tuckus to actually do it! Also, please do visit me over at Beneath Our Feet where I blog about my family’s adventures as expats with dreams of starting our own Biodynamic Organic Farm. I also have a Flickr Account for Beneath Our Feet where I post pictures of our travels around the world.

If you are reading this and asking yourself, what is Unravelling and Is Unraveller really a word, I encourage you whole heartedly to go to take some time to explore Susannah Conway’s site and learn more about her Unravelling e-course. Not only is Susannah an amazingly talented photographer, she has created the most incredible course for personal and artistic exploration, which she offers as an e-course. I have just begun the Late Summer 2009 course and one week into it already the cobwebs in my creativity are being blown away and layers of protective and self suppressive veils are being lifted. I am Unravelling!

View From The Chair

You walk by me
As if I am not there.
My legs may not be strong
But my mind is.

These wheels do not shield
Me from the world.
They do not make me blind.
I see you as you pass me by.

My body reminds you
Of your own mortality.
Yours reminds me
Of my own.

You find temporary escape from truth
As you pretend I don’t exist.
Yet when you close your eyes
Mine are open wide.

We stayed plenty busy despite our allotment plans being foiled.  Maybe even because the plans were foiled. Somewhere along the line I decided that I am going to make this kirtle for my youngest to wear at a dance performance next weekend. They need to dress up in the period of the dance, Tudor, for the villager fun day the first weekend in June. Last year they wore shorts and t-shirts but this year, with the retiring of the old teacher that organized the performance, they have apparently brought on a more ambitious organizer.  Which somehow translates into Katie needs to make a fancy dress costume.  I am sure that other parents are no where near as insane as me, but a switch gets flipped in my brain that compells me to make instead of buy.  No rational thought employed, just irrepressible urge to do it myself.

The sun is back out and we need to get outside and finish up the allotment planting. The rains will have made the soil, which is a very clay soil, much softer and easier to work. Heavier, but softer nonetheless. It will be June next week and things should be well planted by then.  Onward ho!