Lawyers, however, love these sites, which can be evidentiary gold mines. Did your husband’s new girlfriend Twitter about getting a piece of jewelry? The court might regard that as marital assets being disbursed to a third party. Did your wife tell the court she’s incapable of getting a job? Then your lawyer should ask why she’s pursuing job interviews through LinkedIn.

Battles over finances and custody remain the Iwo Jima and Stalingrad of divorce cases. Opposing lawyers will press any advantage they have, and personal information on sites like Facebook, MySpace and LinkedIn is like decoded bulletins from enemy territory.

By: Belinda Luscombe

• Make a plan. Too often, facing even the most serious marriage problems, many couples hope that somehow their issues will magically resolve themselves and they can reconcile. Contrary to what movies often portray, reconciliation between warring spouses does not occur with a musical backdrop nor does it happen magically. For that reasons, and others, it is crucial to make a plan which includes issues which must be addressed, whether counseling must be sought out and/or logistics which must change, as couples facing divorce are often living apart. Having a plan for repairing the marriage will insure that both partners are on the same path to renewed commitment.

• Be flexible! Stubbornness is usually at the root of many problems between couples. If one partner sets their mind to something and the other cannot or does not agree, it often causes a ripple effect that touches every part of the relationship. One of the most effective steps to save your marriage is to work together with your spouse to find a resolution to your disagreements. Negotiation and compromise are keys to successful relationships. You can’t always be right; sometimes it’s important to take a step back from a situation and let your spouse lead. Working together to resolve your problems is an important step to rebuilding a relationship.

By: http://www.surfnetparents.com

Whether you have eight kids, here’s what you should know about your valuables when facing divorce.

Dr. Lori’s Tips

Divorcing couples always have an appraisal of the family home. They should have an appraisal of the objects in that home, too. The objects represent a significant piece of the marital assets. Both of you should have had your personal property, including your joint property, appraised. Don’t negotiate until you have a correct identification and a current market analysis.

Get an appraisal before you negotiate. Even if you are happily married or blissfully single, update personal property appraisals for insurance purposes every two years. Update appraisals when you have a child, when you receive an inheritance, or when you move residences or purchase a home.

By: Dr. Lori

This position on divorce is a common one. It also full of misconceptions about the nature of marriage, the options available and the effects of divorce on children. In fact, these misconceptions were, and sometimes still are, upheld by marriage professionals everywhere. Years ago, training for marriage therapists prepared the counselor to assist the couple in “divorcing well”. To minimize the negative effects of the divorce by helping the family work through the divorce together, communicate clearly and treat each other with respect. It was taught, and believed, that it was better to have two well-adjusted parents living separately, than to have an intact couple who were miserable and fighting. The therapeutic community helped to sell this “lesser-of- two-evils” position to the public. Now, with emerging evidence, there is a strong push by the therapeutic community to uphold a third option. Educate couples in key relationship-enhancing skills that will allow the couple to enjoy being together while keeping the family intact.

By: Laurie Dwyer

They say the psychological processing of death has certain stages.  Like death, divorce also has comparable grieving stages.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, world renowned for her grief loss model, and an expert on death and the stages of dying, enlightens us that there are five stages to death and dying: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and finally, Acceptance.  A parallel look at divorce sets out an equivalent to each stage:

1. Denial - of the divorce because one is unable to admit to themselves that the marriage is over and that they will suffer the loss divorce represents;
2. Anger - by which the pain of loss is often projected onto others (in the case of divorce, this is usually demonstrated in the form of an “angst” towards the opposite sex, overall);
3. Bargaining - which represents a last ditch effort to hold onto the relationship even when the impending death is imminent.
4. Depression - when the reality or imminent divorce strikes them; and,
5. Acceptance - if and when one comes to grips with the reality of the divorce and makes preparation for it by moving forward.

By: Corinne Frontiero

The best way to avoid future debt issues is to make sure there is no joint debt remaining at the end of your marriage. So while you are still married you should establish credit in your individual name.

By: Donna Cheswick

There is no doubt about it, divorce will put a severe strain on all involved; especially the children. In an effort to mitigate the effect of divorce on children, parents are required to follow what is called the Children’s Bill of Rights.

The Children’s Bill of Rights serves as a guideline for behavior when the parents have children together and are separated, going through a divorce or actually divorced. The Children’s Bill of Rights is usually attached to your formal paperwork in a divorce action.

 By: Victoria M. Dalton, Esq.

I’ll Get Even With You: Children rarely understand the motivation and consequences for this game as they do for the other divorce games they play. Children sometimes display hurt and anger by acting differently from ways they behaved before. Some children may be withdrawn or act violently toward themselves or others. Sometimes the child at home may be different from the at-school child.

By: Corinne Frontiero

2. But Mom (or Dad) Said Yes: This game also is played by children to get their own way at the expense of one of the parents. Children know the kinds of events or activities that one parent may allow but not the other. This game particularly works well if the parent who allows the activity is outside the home. The children enlist that parent’s support and if the other parent says no, children drop the bombshell – ‘but dad/mom said it would be OK’. This also works when parents have different rules or responsibilities for the children.

By: Corinne Frontiero